My mother, my aunt, my grandparents wore me out when I misbehaved. I grew up independent, respectful without any psychological problems. And I’m definitely not a snowflake. I say spank her.
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This is learned behavior… why is she acting like this to begin with?? You can’t solve a problem you haven’t gotten to the root of.
And why are you waiting until the child is FOUR to figure out discipline? If I waited until now (my daughter is also 4) to ever set boundaries or discipline, my kid would be a nightmare too!
Stop worrying about being “mean” and worry about being a parent! You are the adult, you are in charge, make that clear! As long as you aren’t being abusive of course, sometimes you HAVE TO be “mean”
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She’s watched others act like this. Only way she would pick up to kick her dad between the legs.
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I would tell my son we don’t hit, please be gentle. And proceed to show how to be gentle. And if that don’t work. Well we got the chancla. Cause kids are mean
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Just wait till she 14 and hitting kicking n biting
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Behavioral health. It really does help especially if you start then young
Can’t say what I want as I’ll end up in Facebook jail. Good luck
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Try time out the thinking spot on a mat or the bottom stairs to give her time to think about what she just did and then ask her why she’s on the naughty spot and have her apologise for it then forget about it she’s only 4 she will eventually realise that her behaviour makes her go to the thinking spot but please don’t smack her that won’t solve anything but make a star chart with stickers for good behaviour and when she gets all the stickers she gets a surprise she’s will eventually realise good behaviour has rewards and bad behaviour doesn’t
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At 4 is a great age to start building her emotional understanding. Reflecting back to her, her feelings in a calm way will help her to feel validated.
If you can see what caused let her know you can understand that makes her feel sad/mad/disappointed /hurt and empathise with that feeling first if it escalates say calmly I won’t let you bite/hit/kick, I understand you’re mad and I am here to hear you but I won’t let u hurt me »
When things have calmed can u sit with her and brainstorm and draw ideas of what she can do with those feelings instead (deep breaths, scream in a pillow, say the feeling word ( Mad, MAD MAD), have a drink of water, walk away to somewhere quiet, jump on a trampoline… anything idea is welcome as long as it doesn’t hurt her, someone else or something. She needs to see you have got her and will keep her safe from making those bad choices when she has those big feelings. She also needs to know ALL her feelings are acceptable and everyone feels those feelings sometimes it’s just how she expresses them that u will work on together. Good luck it’s so hard but every human child adult etc is wired for connection and ultimately we all just want to be heard. I think hearing she is mean could be a self fulfilling prophecy whereby she will continue to act that way because she has been told she IS that way so maybe when u … it hurts me/ppl so referring more to her behavior rather than who she is. Best of luck 
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I would talk w her pediatrician and look into behavioral play therapy. Also crack down on behavior of everyone around her and make sure she’s only watching age appropriate shows/games. She’s mimicking behavior she has seen.
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Back to the old days. How did your mother and grandmother and great grandmother mind the child when they misbehaved??? That is how you can guarantee she will show you respect from here on out! Raise that hand, mama… it’s the only way
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Have her evaluated by a professional behavioral team. It could be neurological (ADHD)and need medication or treatment, such as occupational or play therapy. Good luck!
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Maybe she had to much stimulation. Some kids can’t handle a lot of stimulation. Have the dr check her out run some tests see if she is low level autistic . Does she react like this after certain foods ? Maybe time to see her dr ask questions be her voice kids are not normally mean especially at 4 years old .
Give her a good old fashioned spanking kids do what they can get by with
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It’s called discipline
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Give her one good spanking and time out in the corner. Biter back or smack that mouth. I also took my 3 finger and that was enough to kill the ego. Get hash now before it’s to late because you can’t spank them when they are teens.
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She needs to loose privileges…and a little vinegar when she bites won’t hurt her.put into her mouth…totally eat able
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Corner. 1 min per year of age. Hands behind back. No leaning or time restarts. No talking or time restarts. No turning of head or time restarts. I did this with both of mine and after sticking to it for awhile both of my kids learned real quick that they didn’t wanna be in the corner. To this day I get compliments on how well behaved they are. We have even had to find a corner while at a state fair lol… and stand there about 20 mins because of the restarts but it’s all been worth it. Stand your ground.
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Just seen this and it made me think of your post. Good luck!
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Have you tried an emotion chart or “calm down corner”?
Sometimes children act out in anger bc they don’t know truly how to express their emotions and anger is a sure way to get a reaction from parents
That’s your problem. You don’t want to be mean. You aren’t supposed to be her friend, but her parent. Put your big girl panties on and be mean.
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All 4 year olds have a mean streak. You have to find a punishment that works for you.
Watch Supernanny on YouTube. She offers great ways to get through situations like this.
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Beat her behind… Old school way… Not to have CPS called on you though . Lol. But real talk. A good spanking and taking away something she likes and loves… Will set her on the right track. I got four kids and my 7 year old is sometimes a test from the lord… but sometimes you gotta old school discipline these kids… They gonna love you just the same but they also going to learn that they can’t pitch a fit or be mean and misbehave without consequences.
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Have her evaluated by a pediatric neurologist. She may have sensory issues or ADHD. She may not be able to control her impulses and no amount of “being mean” will help her learn to cope with it. Please don’t listen to the comments here who tell you to spank her.
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I had a pediatric nurse tell me when my son was 4. If you can’t make them mind at 4 you won’t be able to make them at 14. It gave me the incentive to take control. Good luck
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She is still young .need to figure something out before she gets older
I’m sorry but I needs disciple.
I’m sorry I’m old school .
They need your guidance for right and wrong
So u make her sit in a corner 4 min but when throwing things and kicking I would spank butt n sit her in corner after time is up. Go to her level n tell her that her behavior is not acceptable. Explain she’s hurting y’all. Do it non stop. If that doesn’t work take everything she throws away not getting it back
You don’t want to be mean?? Honey your child is being a TERROR and you’re afraid of being mean. Lmao
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Shes 4…get her checked first to make sure no underlying problems…and I’d but her in her room with time outs…explaining that this behavior is not acceptable! Anywhere! Put that foot down now. Or she’s gonna run all over both of you. Knowing that she can get away with it!
An dont feel guilty! Your just giving her some tough love that you’ll be thankful for later on…
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How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen is a fantastic book. I highly recommend it.
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Try 4 minute time outs.
My kid is 6 and still mean .
That’s a super loaded question so very early in the morning but I like a challenge so I’m gonna give it a go. We all know children learn behavior patterns in different ways. Some children can have a parent or other authority figure tell them no and they typically listen and do as their told. However, some children (myself as a child included) are a tad more difficult to get through to. This is a weird example to some but bare with me. If you take a litter of kittens and watch their growth and play with each other you can see how they learn what is play and what really hurts by scratching and biting each other. They then learn how to play without hurting. If you look at kittens who are what they call “singletons” they don’t get that same interaction and usually are pretty aggressive without knowing or understanding they are. Like my moms super confusing cat Jack. He can be super sweet one moment and the next your arm is shredded because you looked at him wrong…literally. Long story short the kid needs someone her age to show her empathy and why you don’t behave that way. As a kid I learned being mean to others hurts because someone was mean to me. A lot of children learn that way. Obviously I’m not saying go out and find a kid to bully her but ultimately its gonna be the day shes on the playground and a kid bites her that shes going to figure out hey that hurts. Or someone will call her a name and make her cry and she learns that’s not nice. But ultimately she needs boundaries set in place. That behavior should never be tolerated even understanding what could be a reason for it. Bad behavior should be met with consequences and if the current ones set in place are obviously not working. Find a different system for your kid.
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Spank her butt!! She is 4 years, not 4 months!! The Bible says “Spare the rod, spoil the child”…. You have to stop her NOW before the police have to stop her later!! A spanking with LOVE followed by other means of CONSISTENT disciplinary actions should help! I’m willing to bet that some of these parents saying “don’t spank her, get her evaluated, etc…” are raising the next mass shooters 
GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR CHILD NOWWWWW OR YOU WILL BE UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITH HER LATER!!
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Go out and get a switch off the tree.
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I say a good old fashion ass whipping
Knock her ass out one good time. Bet you’ll see a difference.
Every time she does that, pick her up and take her to her room. Sit on the bed with her and tell her you both are not leaving the room till she calms down. May take some time but when she does calm down, have a thorough talk with her. “What is going on? What are you feeling that is making you act this way? I know you would not like anyone to treat you this way. How would you feel if they did? Are you hurting? Are you sad? There are emotions that run wild in little kids that we can talk about and teach you healthy ways to express. You will be far more understood if you tell mommy exactly what is going on. We want to understand you but if we let you express yourself like this, there will be a lot of conflicts for you in life where people/friends will think you are a mean girl and mommy knows that is definitely not who you are. You are a sweet beautiful child that is having some difficulties. We can get through this but it’s up to you to start talking like a big girl that I know you are!” You may have to do this a bunch of times but she is obviously expressing something to you guys but not in the right way. We need to teach our children when they are young how to communicate, breathing techniques, and how important their feelings are. I was pretty young when I had my first so I didn’t thoroughly understand this but with my second, I’m really trying to do things differently. AND I am not saying that this is your fault or that you are not doing the right thing bc I do not know how u handle these things personally but I know we, as a society, find it hard to just pause and try to soak into the depth of feelings. Adults & children. I personally don’t think she needs to be punished over this bc she is trying to say something out loud that she does not know how to vocalize. She is 4. Long talks with babygirl. Help her put her guard down with letting her know the positive traits of herself and how proud you are but disheartened that she’s finding these difficulties as a big 4 yr old girl. Sending love you & your baby girls way❤️
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You literally have to work everyday with her and teach her the behavior of being “nice” most kids don’t want to be mean, they just want things the way they want them and don’t understand. Just work with her and help her understand how she should be acting. You literally have to teach them everything, even how to be nice. 
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Talk to your doctor. Is she only that way to you and your spouse or everyone? Could she suffer from Oppositional Defiance Disorder or have you failed to set accountability limits and follow through? She is learning boundaries. She is learning that buttons can be pushed and how to get her way. Finding a different way to redirect her without arguments will be key, but if she doesn’t have the capacity because of other barriers you need other ways to redirect her. Good luck momma.
So she’s getting attention, I’ll be at negative attention, from acting like this. Instead of spanking or yelling or any of these type of things, just go set her in her room and shut the door. The only thing it’s going to work in this type of situation is a complete ABSENCE of attention
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Ladies… did y’all never have your ass WHOOPED by a switch you had to pick out?!
The amount of lazy parents here with the mental capacity of a 4 year old is really sad. Bite and hit a tiny vulnerable person with an undeveloped brain, because that’s really going to teach them how to regulate their emotions and communicate properly. 
And let’s throw them in a corner because you can’t be bothered to deal with them while you’re at it.
A child lashing out is not a bad kid who deserves to suffer consequences for their actions. They are simply someone with an undeveloped brain who hasn’t been given the proper tools yet to handle their emotions in a healthy way. When you try to flex your ego by “showing them who’s boss” and forcefully make them submissive and afraid of you, they will no long be receptive to any teachings. Instead they will be focused on their parent’s behaviour and how mean or scary they are being. Connection is key if you want to get through to a child. What lead up to the undesirable action? Is she tired, hungry? Those are also things that must be considered so you can learn how to prevent it in the future. Block, move or restrain and give the boundary that it is not ok to do the action. Name the emotion so that she can begin to process it. “You’re mad because ____, but we can’t hit when we are mad.” Only when she is calm can you give her alternatives like deep breathing, counting to ten, stomping her feet like a dinosaur, etc. Time-ins make a great discipline strategy because you can set up a little calming corner with posters and cards or other educational tools that talk about regulating emotions properly.
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Discipline comes in many forms. I have four kids, now 23, 21, 16, and 10; and I’ve tried many forms of discipline. Time out only worked for a couple of them. Taking things away didn’t work for all of them. Grounding worked until they weren’t grounded anymore. But they all feared that spanking. I know you’re son is only 4, but as my kids got older, I used to make them write letters to me about how they were going to fix their behavior, they had to come up with a plan and turn it into me. Lol. It worked for some of them, but it also gave them time to reflect on how they acted.
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Have her checked for autism?
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And this is WHY America is so screwed up today smh.
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Also, one thing that worked for me as a child, is my sister used to hug me until I stopped. I had similar issues as a child, and in order to get me to stop, she would put my arms down my sides and just bear hug me and hold me until I calmed down. I remember it being very soothing for me.
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Mother of 5 
here. bust her butt… she’s 4 she needs it
Fuck Sarah Roberts 
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Time out doesn’t really work. Don’t be afraid to pop her butt. She will listen after you stand up to her. You are the boss. She will run over you & take advantage if you don’t teach her now. There is a huge difference between abuse & popping a child’s behind. You don’t leave marks…ONLY enough to hurt her feelings not her…
my kids are grown now but if this were my child I would first want to find out the reason for acting out in this way. it could be chemical, it could be social, it could be environmental. find the source and this will help you to find the solution, good luck and remember, this too shall pass 
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Don’t entertain her actions. Put her in her room. Every time she gets out, put her back in her room. She feeds off of the attention she gets when she acts up. So ignore it. Now, if it seems like a deeper issue, talk to a doctor.
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Stop trying to be nice, when my kid would throw a tantrum after a direction I would ignore them, and wait. They would do what they were told.
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Teach the child about socioenotional/behavioral skills. The Time-IN TookKit works wonders! My kid is mild mannered, but doesn’t express feelings so I purchased this and I love it! Time-In ToolKit | Calming Corner Kit — Generation Mindful
See your pediatrician!!
A good fashion spanking should cure it
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“The Wake up Call” also known universally as one smack!!
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A nice sharp smack on the leg to show her how it feels to be hurt works.
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It little smack here and there might work.
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She needs a whooping lol cuz she needs to learn to relax
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Old school discipline works. It’s not child abuse unless you are beating them. According to child protective services it’s abuse when a sign of punishment is there after 30 minutes.
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Time out spanking that is legal according to cps , ignore her no attention my eldest wrote sentences at age 5 and at one point lost cartoons with fighting in it. It is NOT ok
You need to figure out why with out babying her or giving her attention. Ve to hard rather than to soft. Tears mean what your doing is working with a punishment usually like timeout and they will work through the emotions alone and u have them come and apologize.
In our house aggression a no fly zone for adults kids animals
We nip in bud and fast.
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Disipline disipline disipline and structure
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You have to ignore the behaviour, even if its really bad. If you even look at her when she bites or hits, she wins. But speak to your doctor in the mean time, maybe get a referral to a paediatrician to discuss her poor behaviour.
A few of the others that posted mentioned routine and that is point on. Her dietary and food intake can have effects on behavior - cut sugar intake unless it is in a natural fruit that she eats - that was the biggest thing that calmed down my 4yr. old and red dyes in certain foods. If she isn’t around other children she doesn’t know what is the norm for playing. Kids at that age are just being kids but the abuse from the child is not normal and seems to be a cry for attention of some sort. Find something that intrigues her mind - a tablet with school work for pre-k kids did the job for mine and now he is headed into pre-k and is truly excited about it. Not sure if she is indoors a lot but if she is take her out and let her run off her energy and play hard where you don’t have to call her down but lets her release all that negative energy in a positive way then bring her in give her a soothing bath feed her and put her down for a nap or bedtime. There is lots of ways of getting her in sync you just have to get an idea of what she really wants…good luck.
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Sorry but part of parenting is being mean. For normal bad behavior I take things away but when you are hurting yourself and others you are gonna get pops. People laugh at this behavior when they are toddlers and then it’s not cute anymore when older. Unfortunately if you don’t get respect early on it will be a hard road to get it back. People think we are mean cause our kids answer us yes sir/mam… but it is about teaching them to respect us and other adults. Good luck… you can do it but will be a battle of wills.
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Honestly, we took everything away but a bed. We gave them clothes each day and at night. But they had to earn everything back and if they decided to go back to bad behavior we took it back. It has worked for our girls but our boy we think is on the spectrum or adhd/add and we are still trying to figure out a good way for him
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It’s old but it works I use one two three and no matter what if I make it three your in trouble I do a spank but you can do what you think but it really is all about actually following threw cause her Mimi tries to do 123 but never fallows threw so doesn’t work
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It’s easy tear Dat ass up she will finally quit
It’s gonna sound mean but this is what worked for us and imo it’s the less mean option, it’ll probably hurt you but hopefully it will work. When she does that, walk away have her dad and if there’s any siblings walk away, if you have to lock yourself in your rooms but tell her why, tell her nobody wants to be around someone mean so until she fixes herself y’all would prefer to be away from her. At first my niece was like idc, I don’t like you anyway (she was 4, now 5) she still has some bad days but way way less. And normally now her bad days are just bc she’s 5 and you’re gonna have bad days, weather she’s tired or didn’t get the toy or whatever. Best of luck to you. You could also try some sort of counseling, I know not everyone wants to involve an outside person it’s totally your choice but I’ve heard positive outcomes.
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Maybe if you actually disciplined your child she wouldn’t be this way.
Take things away, time out, spanking. Time to be mean back and not let a 4 year old run your life.
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Consequences! What does she love? What does she love to do? Take it away when her behavior is out of control. Conversely, praise, Praise, Praise when she reacts the way you want.
4 is an age of power struggles, giver her power when appropriate, but stand firm when not.
The behavior will get worse before it is better.
Do not take her behavior personally.
There is a series of books that has a book for each age, I cant remember the name, but I remember reading the one about 3 year olds when my kids were young.
Hang in there Mama!
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Read love and logic books also they have pod cast on you tube
As long as you don’t leave a mark for more than 24 hour it legal to spank your child and your child most definitely needs it
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Have her evaluated by her doctor.
If you’ve tried everything I’d suggest taking to her pediatrician about it. I went through and still am and she’s 11. My child has mental diagnosises since she was 6.
Spankings not beating but a good pop on the ass is a good fix and to everyone who says cps says you cant spank your kids youre wrong bc they will tell you a single spanking with your hand not a paddle or belt but your hand is ok as long as you dont leave marks on them it is not abuse if spanking wad abuse then paddling at school wouldn’t be allowed so yes spank her little but and put her to her room to fix her attitude and allow her to come out and after shes calmed down and then talk with her and tell her why what she did was wrong and how it will not be tolerated she has to learn you and her daddy are the adults and she must respect you all at all times you show her respect by seeing to it she is taken care of and always has everything she needs and in sure most of what she wants so in turn she must treat you as such and nothing less. And good luck mama kids are assholes lol
Yes u can’t always be the good parents, sometimes they need to feel things too. Give a spank and let her go lay down somewhere for a time out .
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Super nanny has some amazing techniques that seem to really work for a lot of parents. She’s still young enough that you can curve this behavior. You can find a lot of the episodes for free on YouTube
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I would place some type of structure and time outs/take favorite toy away. If that doesn’t help speak to your pediatrician. My daughter had some behavioral issues when she was 4-5 we talked to her pediatrician and she helped guide me the right way. Do not ignore it sometimes that works but if she’s already hitting and kicking your basically letting her just do it to get it over with (I know from experience). Good luck! 
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Routins. Discipline. Explain to her what the rules are and the expected discipline if she miss behaves and follow thru. You have to gain back her respect for you. Time out in a place away from everyone where she has nothing to place with. No time limit but when she can come to you and explain what she did wrong she may come out. God bless y’all.
Obviously she needs to be tested for ADHD! She probably cannot help her actions! Don’t react to this behavior! It will only increase her problem!
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Of course you love her, but something else is going on, TALK to her pedi
First off, children are sponges and they learn based off your behavior. What is she seeing? How does she even know that kicking someone in the balls hurts? Why is she acting out? I would think there’s an underlying issue perhaps. Children act out when they are having a hard time expressing their emotions, so it could be that or it could be what she’s seeing or coming in contact with (even tv shows) my 3 year old knows not to hit or yell because we don’t hit or yell to each other. Instead of saying no hitting, say be gentle. Then take their hand and guide it softly across your skin. It shows them the proper way to touch, without hurting. Also if none of those are the issues, is she getting enough time throughout the day to run out of energy? Taking a walk, running around, going to a play ground etc. anything to keep them going until they go to bed. You can try cutting out any red dyes but not everyone believes it can cause issues but it can such as attention deficit or hyperactivity. (ADD/ADHD) is a possibility if these aren’t learned behaviors. I would just take her aside and talk to her. Ask her how she’s doing, make some time to go have mama daughter dates or daddy daughter dates. I was a problem child and I remember feeling the way my parents felt toward me… I could feel their anger and hostility, and in turn I was worse. When really I probably just needed someone to listen to. She is 4 but emotions are scary at that age. If she’s acting out violently then she’s likely upset about something in her life. It’s always deeper than the outside emotions. Also just giving her some grace. Any time she starts acting out, remove her from the situation, whether that means trying to get her to calm down with a book, or a little game, then once calm she can apologize for her actions. Talk to her as you would an adult. I realized with my 3yo she listens better when I talk to her like an adult. “Mama really gets upset when you do —-, can you please try to be gentle? I can show you for example if you like” and then follow by example. Little children have all these big emotions that they are learning to deal with. Around that age they start realizing how large the world is and it’s hard to grasp.
It is not mean to spank her butt or put her in time out.From what you have said she will have a hard time in school if you don’t start to change her ways
A little taken aback at all the suggestions for spanking a four year old.
So much so, that I don’t think I’d like to be a part of this community.
Know better, do better. (As is, educate yourself on more effective, less damaging parenting techniques.)
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Spanking doesn’t work for my son, he’s got Aspergers. You may need to look into things like that before you think she’s just a mean kid.
Tried taking away what she loves? Time out chair? It took a while for my son to get it but now he knows if he’s bad he gets something taken away and/or ends up in the timeout chair. Doesn’t work for everyone though. Maybe try getting an evaluation from a doctor? Good luck momma!
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Bible says spare the rod spoil the child. And it is true.
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Even when a child has a Dx such as aspergers or ADHD/ADD, they deserve to be disciplined. Stop giving your children crutches they will use as adults. They will never learn to be capable, independent adults by doing that.
My oldest, 17, is Dx ODD, aspergers, ADD, SAD, with no active memory and speech difficulties. That does not stop him from being a good functioning individual.
Discipline is not a bad thing. Abuse is! An I truly believe not disciplining children is mental and emotional abuse.
Let me say it again…
Children deserve discipline! (Structure, understanding, morals, values, acceptable behavior, manners, etc… all come from discipline.)
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When she kicks daddy between the legs smack that ass a couple times ought to end that real quick
I could see the problem the hand and the butt should get together
Behaviors are communication for this young of a child. She is having large emotions that she doesn’t know how to navigate. Punishing her for trying to communicate is only going to teach her to try to repress her emotions. She needs to know that you see her, understand that she is having a large emotion that she doesn’t know how to handle and help her to find healthy ways of expressing her emotions. You can say “I can see you are really angry but we cannot hit. Hitting is not an appropriate way to express anger.” Help her find ways to work through the emotion. Maybe she needs to scream into a pillow. My daughter (5) has found that drinking water always helps calm her when she is really upset. Also help her to recognize that the anger is not her, it is just an emotion coming through. It helps if you can help them to identify that the emotion is not them and see it as something temporary passing through and try to observe it rather than identify as it.
NAUGHTY STEP!!!
please dont physically assualt your child. That just shows them it’s okay to hit.
You give a firm warning. So say she kicks dad you say’ “their name” this is your warning. You do not kick daddy. That is unacceptable.’
Then carry on. If they do it again, you take the child to the naughty step and say " you’re on the naughty step because you kicked daddy"
Keep them there for a minute per year of age. My sons 2 so its 2 minutes.
Props to supernanny too.
My son was pretty much feral 
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eat her know that that behaviours is not acceptable and she needs to take some time in her room. My almost four year old gets PISSED when put on segregation. She could care less about anything else but I tell her if she can’t be nice and use gentle hands she doesn’t get to be around the rest of the family. She changes her tune real quick.
Children are born narcissists and learn empathy and other emotions from us. She’s seeing it from somewhere and copying behaviours. (My daughter gets it from her brothers so it’s a constant battle of keeping hands to self with kids. They gotta learn it though)
Good luck!
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I’m native, pull out that wooden spoon and smack her bum with it. Some friends that I have also used to have to pick their own red willow and get hit with that. Did we ever do it again, nope lol not unless you wanted to pick your own whip lol. But you can’t do that in todays day and age to many soft people.
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The only thing spanking teaches is that physical violence - at the hands of someone who supposedly loves you - is okay. 
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Time for professional help !!!
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Pick her up and remove her from the situation