I am not a huge fan of hitting especially for children that are hitting and biting. I would say strict clear expectations with consistent consequences. You absolutely can’t be wishy washy on what is expected or sometimes have consequences. Every time it changes or is not followed through you have taught her to keep doing it.
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Stop trying to be her friend…be her parent!
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Act just like her when she throughs a fit she will Stop unless it’s a mental disability then most likely stay that way how much time do u actually spend with her if you working all the time and see her as little as possible then she’s mad at you attention negatively or positive is ATTENTION defiantly see a docter
At the end of the day you love your child and want the rest of the world to like them / all children are different/ some react to time out others time in room or no toys but if the child is throwing things they are hitting you and your behavior says ok sweeties let’s try this … another child is going to punch them life and actions have consequences even if you are 4 throwing a toy better learn it now / hit mommy with a toy mommy spanks you and time out consequences better than jail at 14
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What is her diet like? Does she nap? Sleep well? Do you have a schedule?
Maybe try taking her to a behavioral health center. They can not only help her but you as parents to. They can absolutely teach you a better style of parenting and give you advice on how to handle certain situations. I don’t spank my daughter unless she absolutely needs it. Because there are some days nothing else works.
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Therapy! Behavior is communication and this issue can be improved.
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that’s what’s wrong with the world today, y’all pussyfooting around letting your children run the household. This new generation is doomed
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Find the nearest psychiatrist and hire him fast!
Buy mats and block all her attempts. Tell her no and don’t give in for attention or reward her bad behaviors
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Time outs and if doesn’t listen longer time outs.
First from what you have said I would make sure there is nothing mentally challenging for her. My daughter works with children on the spectrum and most of these things you said are not uncommon for kids on the spectrum.
With that being said. I picked my kid up put them in their room. Closed the door and sat next to it. Told them when they are finished they could come out. It took a few times but it worked.
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I guess-she makes all the decisions. If my child ( I had 6 and have keep children 30 years) did all those things she would be spanked, and then deal with each of those. You have to let her know who’s in charge. I don’t mean beat , but spanking won’t kill them. Just don’t give in. She has to know you’re in charge.
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What is causing her to act this way? Is she frustrated from being unable to communicate exactly what she feels or wants etc? Is it not having choices? Is she needing more attention and acting out because of that? Is it certain times of the day or is she simply hungry or tired (this was almost always the reason my daughter would get fussy and aggressive)? Maybe even over stimulated?
My son was like this. He is now 6 and has been diagnosed with autism . See a GP x
Could be a medical condition. Ulcers are painful, other ailments are too.
She might be autistic
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My son is 6, diagnosed with autism at 19 months old & he has never hit us or acted that way. A lot of kids with autism have ODD as well, (oppositional defiance disorder) …. & a lot of kids who aren’t on the spectrum are diagnosed with ODD. So I wouldn’t necessarily jump to “maybe she’s autistic” there are so many reasons a kid that age would act that way.
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You have to parent your children from the get, not once they turn 4 and are already out of control. You have to correct bad behavior from the very start.
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Who is she mimicking?
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Look, my brother used to throw tantrums like this. (He’s 6 years my junior.)
One time he bit her. She was not shocked, or angry, this was normal. But instead of putting him alone in time out, and telling him no … (eye roll) wait for it …
She bit him right back. Then she calmly walked away and got back to whatever she had been doing.
He never did that shit again. He still has outbursts, she was never able to stop that. But he knows damn well he had better think about how his actions can come back on him.
I’m not saying kick her between the legs, but she needs to have her boss title removed.
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I was taught at a very young age You do onto others as you want done to yourself. She bits ,you bit ,she slaps kicks or hits she gets it back .
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I feel you. My 4 year old is a challenge as well. When he’s being a butt, I run through my HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) checklist first mentally and then if none apply, we consequence and let him feel his feelings even if they’re not my favorite to listen to. Good luck.
Quite babying her smack her ass and out her in a corner every time it still stop asap
Please don’t spank her…take her to a therapist who deals with children. Ask your pediatrician for a referral. Good luck honey…
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I agree with Cathy. You can love her with, let her know there is consequences for her actions.
She needs a good old fashion a** whipping!
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Honestly my 3 is year old is getting like this. It’s better to ignore bad behavior and comfort the “victim” if she hits daddy then you go and comfort daddy use words like “I’m sorry she hit you” “that must have hurt” it makes them realize that their actions have consequences that aren’t always to them.
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Umm be a parent. Put her in time outs, take toys away… Its not that hard
We all are bad to spoil and let them get away with things that they should be disciplined for and then it gets out of control but as much as you don’t want to you’re going to have to discipline her every time she’s out of order and stay consistent they will try to wear you down by continually crying and not doing what they are told don’t give in no matter what its going to take some time now to get her to stop this behavior
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You survived the “terrible twos” only to make it to what my cousin called the “fuck you fours” 
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Put her in her room for time out ! Until she can do better
You might need to have her tested to see if there is a problem. Maybe get some counseling for her
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Does she have age appropriate language skills? Is she hurting or I’ll feeling? Can she tell you what’s wrong?Any changes in the home? New people? Teach her how she should be treating others in a calm manner. And make sure you model the same behavior. Talk to her pediatrician about it too.
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Spare the rod, spoil the child. If you dont use discipline, your child will be just as bad as an adult. Best example I have is my dad married a woman who didn’t discipline her child, the most she did was send him to her mother’shouse, she literally let’s him do anything, hang out at known drug dealers house, do drugs at her house, the list goes on. It’s called enabling. Ronald Reagan had it right when he said that appeasement leads to failure, a final ultimatum.
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Get in contact with a behavioral therapist and they can develop a behavior intervention plan catered to your family
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She needs help… It’s a behavioral issues. Talk to a doctor.
My four year old son was having some behavior issues it ran in over to school, the babysitter when I worked and we had tried absolutely everything. He’s been through alot in his short life with his bio mom leaving him and some other things his tarapist suggested we as parents read the whole brain child And get the work book too it’s helped us with understanding what he’s comprehending in a meltdown and how to help him calm down and then Redirect. It has been amazing!
Redirect??? Discipline that child!!! (FYI I’m not saying spank or hit her) There are plenty of forms of discipline that do not require hitting or spanking your child to get the point across. Watch Supernanny on YouTube.
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i use too use 1 2 3 if that didnt work then a tap on the but not a belt or anything else just a tap now hes 24 has his own kid he doesnt fight or do drugs or been in troble or in jail soo all who say spanking dont work i mean on a kid with no hdd or anything like that it works not over abuse just a tap on the but or hands when he was undr 1 and grabbing things i just tap his hand or biting hed bite me i bit him back not too show teeth just too show him its not nice and it hurts trust me they learn id tell him afterwards why
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ok im going too make this clear my sister has 2 kids a boy and a girl her son got spanked once in awhile now hes security gaurd awsome father never been in trouble with the cops and never been violent same as her daughter she quit school at grade 9 nwent back went too college now shes a pharmacist assistance as well owns a house and married i was spanked as a kid ive never been violent or been too jail or done drugs or been abusive soo plzz dont say a spanking dont work it does
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and as well a child thats not spanked or disiplined end up spoiled and in trouble
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all i gotta say if there is nothing medically wrong with a child and theyre actiing spoiled a swat on but dont hurt as in biting they bite you you nibble back (bite softly back) they take a tantrum let them they will learn youre not going too spoil them its only violence if youre doing it everyday and if youre doing it out of anger there i said it
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A good spanking will make her think twice about what she does. She will not want another one if you do it right. Its not wrong to correct your child this way sometimes its the only thing they understand
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Read the Bible it says spare the rod spoil the child
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Spank her butt! When she bites you bite back! When she throws a tantrum in the floor kicking and screaming get on the floor and kick, scream and yell. Let her see how ridiculous she is acting.
Autism does NOT make kids violent!! My son was diagnosed at age 4 and is now 25 and never been violent. It is frustration that makes autistic children act different!!!
I don’t typically agree with spanking, but when your child is attacking you, and at FOUR YEARS OLD? I remember when I was four and I was smart enough not to attack someone. Redirecting? She’s FOUR. Discipline and stick to it. That little girl is fixing to be a monster in a few years if you don’t man up and do your job as a parent. And if spanking is what it takes, then do it. I don’t like spanking, but sometimes that’s all you have left. And FYI, kicking a man in his junk might seem funny but can actually cause serious health issues and harm.
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Shes 4. She’s not mean. She’s been taught to be mean by your parenting.
My 3 year old has emotional issues but is the sweetest kindest kid still
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am I the only one that finds the, what if they are autistic comments funny? I was spanked as a kid, my brothers where spanked as a kid yet my mother works with autistic children & they absolutely love her. Also because I’m fairly certain that if anyone on here’s child was autistic or on the spectrum they would’ve been taken to somewhere where someone could properly diagnose them & then the consequences for them doing something wrong would be changed to something more appropriate for their needs but 
what do I know? also, how someone chooses to parent their child is no one else’s business so if u don’t wanna spank ure kid? Cool. If u wanna spank ure kid? Awesome. Ya’ll need to stop arguing
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Can I ask if there are any type of delays or things of that nature? I went through this for the longest time with my little. She has a speech delay and a few other issues. Redirection and accountability is the advice I can offer. With mine, I give her wiggle room because of her disabilities but I refuse to allow her to use it as a crutch. They still have to learn to.live in the real world and violent reactions are not an option. Definitely talk to her dr too. Oppositional defiant disorder was one diagnosis as well as adhd ( they tend to go hand in hand). Use the love and logic approach. You can find a.lot online about that. Basically love and accountability with appropriate punishment that fits the deed. All with love reinforcement and without it becoming a power struggle. Good luck mommas.
I had to eliminate anything with red dye 40 in it because everytime my daughter go it she got hyper and mean, and had horrible tantrums. After i removed it she improved so much. Sometimes a whole diet change can help. Sometimes they just don’t know how to communicate feelings. I know adults that don’t know how to communicate feelings so its no surprise a 4 year old has a hard time and expresses it like that. Tantrums and being mean can mean several things. “Im upset” “i want one on one time” “i need a nap” “i need reassurance” “im hangry” “im sad and cant express myself.” “Im anxious.” The list goes on. How you respond to her actions will lay the foundation for how she reacts to things in the future. 
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Thank God,I never had this problem with my 5 year old daughter. I’d get many compliments how behave and quite she is with other people. She throws me attitude sometimes but not to this level. I don’t scold her, instead i explain things to her. Just as small as her saying she doesn’t want to go to school. I explain to her kindly WHY she needs to go to school. Children they try to understand things if you talk to them like adults not like baby.
Sounds like she might be ADHD have you had her assessed could be the problem
Eating too much carbs and sugars plus watching and learning violent video games or movies, time in is more effective because you have to seat down with her and explain why violent is not acceptable.
Have her checked by a good doctor she might have a problem
I would go with a child psychologist. They have very useful tools to help manage agressions. If nothing works that will help!
I count to 5, in between each number I’d give a warning of some sort, and if I get to 5 they have to stand in time out-a minute for each year of their age, and sometimes the punishment has to be that last resort spanking. Sometimes you just have to be the bad guy otherwise they think they can get away with everything and when you do put her in time outs place her somewhere where she can’t reach anything to throw…
Old fashion ass whopping they think you cat whip themyou can spank them it’s your fault you should not have to put up with this. They will end up in prison if you don’t take control
Lol. All you people saying its wrong to spank a child. Guess what thats why yall are raising Entitled Kids. When they are grown you are gonna say " oh he didn’t mean to kill someone " smdh
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If this is/has been constant and real actual CONSISTENT discipline has been applied but hasnt been helping, its time to talk to your pediatrician. Those are signs of adhd or even autism. Its best to get a handle on this now before school! And asap.
Idk…spanking works for my kids and so did biting them back. Some kids dont do well with time outs or talking it out bc too bull headed. Mine are just as stubborn as me and my husband . I definitely deserved every spanking i got as a kid. Lol. You can try cutting off all electronics and not letting her watch tv or tablets…but at that age that doesnt work too well.
Read your Bible. Spare the rod, spoil the child.
where did she learn all that ?? behavior is learned !!!
Well when I was a kid, momma and daddy would bust my ass if I misbehaved, and regardless of all the people.that say it’s wrong, I’m glad they did…if you take the new modern approach, you’ll get what ya got now,a little ass busting, and grounding, and taking things away till.the behavior changes, are still effective in my book.
Bust her a… that’s what is wrong with these kids now days
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Sounds like it is time for a spanking…
Old fashioned ways work
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There’s a difference between a normal tantrum and knowing that you’re kicking your father in his private parts you need to take a belt to her ass before she gets an assault charge on her at 10 years old
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My daughter has autism and development delay and sensory processing disorder she’s four and very much like this but I find since we have been very firm with her it’s helped we put her on the “naughty step” and take things away/remove from the situation until she’s calm then she gets one more chance till what ever she is throwing ect gets taken away for the rest of the day so I find being firm and direct (simple sentences/instructions) work best for her she doesn’t respond well to shouting/hitting now my 8 year old son who has the same conditions is another story he’s got worse since lockdown I feel you mamma 
just be firm and direct xx
She needs attention, tons of outside time, more stimulation and she is possibly a chihuahua. My son runs 24/7, I’ve stopped asking him to quit, because I realized that honestly it’s more annoying than dangerous in most situations, and being told no all the time causes immense frustration.
This sounds crazy, but it WORKS. It takes a lot of commitment on your part, you have to be consistent. Anytime she acts out really badly, ignore her as long as she isn’t in danger. Keep a pleasant attitude and avoid eye contact and go about your day. Even leave the room for a second to go grab whatever. It may get worse before it gets better but doesn’t take long. Then catch her being good 4 or 5 times a day. Don’t tell her she’s being so good. Just sit beside her. Ask her what she’s doing or watching. Play with her for 10 minutes, if she protests you leaving find something for her to help you with. Praise her randomly on her behavior. “YOU HAVE BEEN SO GOOD TODAY!!! LETS MAKE PIZZAS ITS BEEN SUCH A GOOD DAY!” And talk her UP up upppp! To other people. Call anyone in the afternoon and just gush about what a good girl she’s been, how much fun you’ve had with her, how she’s so grown up acting like a big girl, you’re so proud!
She will be a totally new child in 2 weeks. Don’t forget that she is still little, emotions are still big and we are all jerks at times. But the intentional acting out will be reduced dramatically. Dramaticallllyyyy
Also, calm keeper tablets (all natural) are a life saver for super emotional days. Sometimes they need help reducing their cortisol and calming their nervous system, just like us adults 
Spanking is an outdated and inefficient form of discipling. Countless pediatricians and child psychologists say it is ineffective and will only create further issues. (don’t @ me with your parents spanked you and you turned out fine, that does not discount the majority of studies done on this). Focus on the triggers that prompt the violence from her, generally there is a pattern, and redirect and refocus her with compassion and understanding. As others have said, behavioural therapy might be the next resort. Good luck, mama. You’re not alone. Reach out for resources.
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Whatever you do, do not ever hit her back (ei. Spanking) that is the quickest way to reaffirm that she is doing the right thing. It will teach her that using her physical body instead of her words when she is upset works and is right.
Try separating yourself and your husband from her (where she can still see you but can’t hurt you) and speak calmly to her and let her know that when she calms down and is ready to behave you will listen to her but if she keeps hurting you, you stay separated. I don’t have any kids, but I did a little google research and this was the best answer I could find 
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Children respond differently to different things. Not all methods work with every child. Try different methods. A swat on the bum reminds them that it’s a bad behaviour that has negative consequences. I reserve it only for the most extreme circumstances when nothing else has worked.
I know no one wants to hear this. A spanking will help a lot. I am saying it don’t have to be hard. I gave my son 1 spanking. We were in public and he was really acting up. I told him when we get home he is getting spank. I gave him 1 smack. That is all it took. It hurt me a lot more than him. I felt bad for a week. He grew up a gentleman. 
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It’s easy to control a child from the age of 2-9 after that, it’s virtually impossible cos character and good behavior is learnt during this period. My suggestion is spank her from time to time use other means of discipline as well, be firm yet fair. She will come around
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Perhaps there are undiagnosed conditions. Talk to your pediatrician about the behaviour
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Your child is frustrated! Biting, kicking, hitting are all indications of a child’s frustration. Frustration from a child generally means the child is not being heard. I am guessing that your daughter is in day-care(?)… so multiple adults caring for the child, all have their own standards. ( even with the same general standards, there will be different tolerances, and handling of the difficult scenarios that arise. ) the child feels that she is not being heard… her Toys are taken ( by possibly another child ( bullying) and no one is assisting your little one in fair play, discussion and so forth. Since this is happening at home—- I have to assume both parents work… thus coming home with work on the brain. This spills over with ore-occupancy when you greet your child. She needs your undivided attention. She needs to know that you are in her corner. One on one - uninterrupted time needs to be established… immediately when she is greeted. That’s hard to do for a working busy mother, but if you must… take her to her bedroom and just sit and talk… if she doesn’t communicate, engage her with dolls…. Dolls and doll houses are a great way to show a child how to talk, play, interact… even how nit hit and such.
Another possibility is that your expectations of the child is too great. Sometimes we expect too much—- such as, a child who is expected to sit through ALL of dinner, dessert and adult conversation. They are expected to use silverware, keep hands on the table in formal style….this is way too much for a young child… they like finger food. ….I suggest you do reading on 4 yo expectations , and seek parenting classes and support ( churches generally are great at that.)
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Talk to her pediatrician to make sure it’s nothing physical, and then maybe look into an evaluation and/or counseling. While that’s happening, set firm rules and remind her of these rules. Have a reward chart in place for when she helps or follows a rule without direction. Give attention to the good, and “grey rock” the bad behaviors - stay neutral and unemotional when she’s acting out and reiterate “we don’t hit” or “I won’t let you hurt me”. I know 4 year olds are strong, but adults are stronger - sometimes I have to wrap my kid up like a burrito in a blanket so I can keep them from hurting me or themselves when she’s having a huge meltdown. But definitely ask her pediatrician first.
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Has this child changed. Look up PANS and PANDAS. Some children actually have an infection that causes bad behaviors. Has she been sick or had strep and then this came? Worth a read.
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You are the Parent, not necessarily her friend right now. . .discipline and being in control are your responsibility at this point in her life. It may seem harsh at times, but she will end up respecting you and your authority when she understands that discipline & correction are done BECAUSE you love her. Learning to Respect authority is crucial to growing into a responsible person and earning respect herself.
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She learned this behavior the very first time you gave in and gave her her way. I imagine the more the wants something or doesn’t want to do something she’s told… The bigger the fit. She learned to behave that way to rule the roost. Whoop her ass a few times and take every toy and tv away and see how big a fit she throws. You gotta be more persistent than she is. Best of luck with demon child.
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Try not reacting to her just get hold of her and sit her on the bottom step of the stairs explain why you are doing this and she will sit for 5 mins remove her privileges i.e watching tv and toys sweets ect.But you have to be consistent everytime she does it.
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The old school mom in me say get the chancla lol but then I had a son and he was like this I sent us to therapy together to learn how to redirect this anger and learn from it. He is 16 now.and is doing well. This too shall pass. Sending big hugs to you.
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She should probably be professionally evaluated/diagnosed before she gets much older. She may just need some mild meds/therapy to get her to calm down/discover source of her anger & acting out, I would think your pediatrician would be the place to start for immediate treatment or referral. Good Luck! (P.S. -PRAYERS TO HER ANGELS, coiuldn’t hurt either!)
!
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First of all make sure she is physically healthy and if she is seek professional help for an attitude adjustment. Follow the therapists guidelines whether it is tough love, time outside or immediate punishment when she violates a rule. Prayers for you.
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Children act out when their needs are not being met. Try to be gentle with her. Try Communicating with her. Find out what’s going on with her. Make a plan for a solution. If something isn’t working find a different way to do it instead of doing the same thing over and over and getting frustrated and not finding a solution. Remember your both only human. Work together as two people. She needs your help and you need to listen to her and what shes telling you through her behavior. 
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Warm her bottom up everytime she does those things want be long until she will get the point and think it’s not the thing to do.
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BE MEAN! Why are you so worried about being mean? Obviously your nice game isn’t working…. You’re bigger, stronger, louder, let her know that. She has no respect and that’s insane.
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How about a good swat on the back side!
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When my daughter was 2 she used to hit my husband. She thought it was funny. The pediatrician held her hands, looked in her eyes and told her “we don’t hit. We just don’t do it” She actually listened to him. I think having it come from her Dr made a difference. You can’t say it’s not nice because she may not care.
My parents used 123 Magic for my nephew & it worked for the most part. He ended up being diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder then high functioning autism at 10. I tried it with my son & it worked, actually still works now that he’s 17. He got to a point that he’d rather take a spanking from his dad than have me take something away for him to earn back. Even now if he’s pushing my buttons, like only a teenager can, I say “one” and he straightens up.
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The only advice,get the child evaluated and go from there. Stay consistent with any discipline. Good luck. Bless you and family.
You need to have professional advice. Sometimes behavioural issues can indicate an underlying condition such as attention deficit or autism. I would make an appointment with a good paediatrician.
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I will never stop recommending therapy. Children have so many emotions and sometimes a therapist can really help them to uncode them and resolve their issues. Sometimes kids just need an outside perspective. The therapist will also have helpful tips and tricks for your child to self-sooth as well as for you to gently and easily redirect their behaviors and emotions positively.
My eldest son bit me once I bit him back he didn’t do it again. If she’s got her own room put her in it if she ccome out put her back. If she breaks things don’t replace them it’s going to take time am sure she didn’t get like this over night, explain to her that you love her but you don’t love her behaviour. What’s going to happen when she gets to school and she’s got to share with others?
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Sounds to me like she needs a trip behind the woodshed.No abuse…just straightening out.May only need to do that once.You owe it to her to not be a juvenile delinquent
First go to your drs. Get blood tests done to ensure all is fine. Explain fully what is happening. Do some videoing as evidence. I have heard one way to calm children is with music. You need to stick to boundaries. Meals, bedtime, have a firm routine. Plenty fresh air and exercise. Put lavender oil on the pillow or a dab on her clothes. Lavender is a great calmer. Set self time playtime. Set time with you, then with dad and as a family. Good luck and try an keep calm
She could have ADHD, ODD or another type of behavioural issue. I second trying therapy! I started seeing a therapist when I was in kindergarten and I am SO thankful for that. My therapist helped me with my ADHD, panic disorder and GAD (general anxiety disorder). I’d have never graduated high school or been able to overcome my fears/behaviour issues as a child if it weren’t for therapy.
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