How do I support my 17 year old who ran away to her bio dads?

He lives over 12 hours away. Never been there for her. Owes 15k in child support. I only want my kids to be happy and she is convinced this will make her happy. I'm dying inside. Help me see the light.
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As far as supporting him/her, call or text them that you support them… that you’ll still continue to be there for them… that you love them, only want what will make them happy. As for yourself, maybe write in a notebook your thoughts to help get it off your chest, go to church, temple, etc (if your religious), pick up a new hobby to help keep your mind occupied. I don’t think anything will help much unfortunately, that’s a hard situation. Just keep in contact with them & give it time. Don’t bottle everything in though… it will come out somehow one day.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I support my 17 year old who ran away to her bio dads?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately, all you can do is let her know that you’ll always welcome her home with open arms if she wants to ever come back. She needs to recognize on her own whether or not this will make her happy.

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This is a journey she has to take. Just tell her you understand and that you love her and your door is always open. God bless y’all.

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I think this happens with all children who’s parents are/have separated. I know I did the same thing but at a much younger age.

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Maybe think of her? She feels she needs her father… let her have him, and be supportive, if not, you may not get her back :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I did that and was home within the month . Xxx

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Make sure she’s in a safe environment and go to the courts if needed. Remember she will be turning 18 and can make decisions on her own just keep her in good relations with you so it’ll be the good decisions she makes. I really hope it all turns out better for you.

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I actually went through something similar at her age but I didn’t go live with him. I was 17 when I first contacted my bio dad because I felt I had to know him. I met him when I was 18 and expecting my first child and as much as I don’t see him know I know hes there for me and my kids, I’m 27 now it it was personally one of the best decisions I’ve made. She needs to do this for herself and the only thing you can do is make sure she knows you support her and will be there for her no matter what.

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After 12 they have the right to choose. Let her go… don’t guilt her… just love her and be there for her… and no I told you so’s when she returns…

Dont give up on her text or call everyday to check in an let ger know u are thinking of her, even if she tells u she never wants to he see r from u again send a text or call saying miss u just thinking of u I love u something! Try not to be to pushy an dont keep bringing up her dad she will eventually figure it out on her own. It may take her some time but I promise if ur just their eventually she will come around an appreciate u in the long run. If u don’t keep contact then she will think u just dont care even if u do her thoughts will be well if mom really care she could called it text.

As hard as it is, you need to let it play out and love her from a distance for now… Either they’ll bond and form a great relationship or she’ll run home… Just keep loving her and don’t make her feel bad for wanting a relationship with him, hopefully as he gets to know her he regrets his previous choices and works to make up for them with her.

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Honey the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. She connecting to her roots. She will be back

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I did the same thing to my Mom. My dad was never around. I moved in with him after I graduated high school and things went south quickly. Even though I know my Mom knew that was a strong possibility, and my dad had never been involved during my upbringing, I NEEDED to learn it the hard way for myself. In hindsight, after becoming a mother myself, I can see how my actions broke her heart. BUT, her letting my Dad SHOW me how bad he was INCREASED my trust in her. she never said no, she never doubted my process. Some things you have to learn through hard first hand experiences. And I did. My mom and I are closer than ever now.

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Your child will be back. Do not worry

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She’s 17 leave her be. Left home myself at 17. Experience will teach her. Just love her and listen and be glad she’s not out on the street

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I saw my bio every other weekend, and sometimes every weekend bc my mother and stepfather were more than understanding. Around 12-13 we had an misunderstanding about one of his girlfriends. My mom lived about 35-40 mins away. And bc of the situation, he made me sit outside, on the curb with all my stuff until she got there. I saw him once after and it was my uncles, (his brother) funeral. He was a horrible man, father, and person. I got mad at my mom and stepdad once. Totally my fault, they disciplined, and I thought hey I’ll go live with my bio. I called the only number I knew. He answers, barely talked. Called the cops and I have NEVER heard from him since. He never wanted the best for me. I had to learn that myself. And stupidly, it took more than one incident. But I’m thankful now, bc I got to learn that myself, instead of always wondering. I know now how much it probably hurt my mom and dad (stepdad) but I will never wonder again in my life. I know for certain how amazing they truly are. She WILL figure it all out. As long as she isn’t in danger, just be there for her every single second. :two_hearts:

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Be supportive but she’s got to learn this lesson about her dad on her own as much as you want to protect her.

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That’s something she has to do for herself! If she dosent she will always wonder

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And if you try and force her to coMe back you’ll ruin your relationship with her

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Let her come to her own decision as to who she wants to live with she is old enough Just be there to support her if it doesn’t go to plan if you force her to come back she will only run away again

Nara Upenieks read the comments :heartpulse:

Kids will play that game so maybe you should make the decision for her. My ex owed 22k in back support but my youngest daughter insisted on being at his house. I found out it was because she had no rules there. She was 12 yo and he made her drive when he was drinking and let her smoke. After a lot of turmoil she came to her senses. Thank God. She turned out great and is now a Police Officer and is so loving.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I support my 17 year old who ran away to her bio dads?

Just wait, be there for her when she calls, and support her when she does. If she’s not happy she’ll come back. If she does end up happy there just remind her that you’re always there for her. That is probably the best you can do. She needs to learn for herself, while it probably isn’t ideal, and you suffer heartache in the meantime, it’s what she thinks she needs.
My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.

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My son was 13 when he decided he wanted to go live with his dad it was so hurtful as I brought him up but after talking to him & it was what he wanted I had to let him go it was the hardest thing ever he is 15 now & back with me he always knew that no matter what my door was always open food in the cupboard ect took me ages to understand y he wanted to go but I had to let him make that choice they think the grass is greener u have to let them see for them self’s trust it bloody well hurts & it makes you feel like u failed in some way but its not you hun stay strong much love xxxx

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I support my 17 year old who ran away to her bio dads?

Let her see ‘the other side’ you can’t change the relationship she has with her dad, but maybe allowing her to learn for herself how it is will bring her back. Either way, be a Mumma and just be there for her when she needs.

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Honestly the more you push the worse it’s gonna be. I was in your daughter’s situation. We always come back. No matter what we say. We just need time sometimes.

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Just keep in mind that her relationship with him is completely different from the relationship you had with him. She has to be allowed her own feelings towards him without feeling like she’s hurting your feelings. If he is not doing right by her then that is something she has to witness for herself not something that has been told to her. She will make the best decision she can for herself now. Just be there either way and try to be positive and supportive.

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Just love her momma, as somebody with one of those dad’s she won’t really see it until she sees it… :two_hearts:

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Sadly, it’s one of those things that she will have to figure out for herself. Unless she is in danger, might have to just let this one play out and spend time with her when you can. Always be there for her talk to. I’m sorry, this sounds awful for me to say. I am speaking for the 16 year old girl I used to be that went through this same thing, and maybe not from a mother’s perspective.

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Give it time, she’ll be back.

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If he didn’t care about her before, he’s probably not going to care about her now. She’ll get the message.

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Give it to god pray about it and let go she will see they think they know everything at that age she will see

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She has a say at 15… unless you have proof of anything bad or court ordered things. That’s her dad. And she has every right to be w him. Even if it makes you unhappy, it’s her life as well. Plus, it may go south and she’ll be back. Sometimes at 15 we gotta just learn and do it anyway.

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Just be there. Keep communication open. She’s 17 and has the right to make the choice. Maybe this is what they both need. Just stay positive. She will find out on her own and come home if she’s not happy. But maybe this will be a positive experience. Stay positive and just be mom.

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Sometimes people have to see for themselves. :flushed::sob:. Please Be prepared to pick up the pieces and love unconditionally. :pray::pray::pray::heart:

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It’s hard but let her find out what he is like for herself that is all she wants just be there and non judgmental if it falls apart :heart: x

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When my daughter wanted to move in w her dad at 12 I let her. Granite he’s a good dad and always been there for her, it was still heart breaking for me as her mother. She lived with him for about a year and was ready to come home. She missed mama and her siblings. We switched everything over too. 50/50 shared custody and gave him residential so she would be able to go to school where he lived at, it’s all still set up that way, but she’s been with me again for the last 3 years lol. Sometimes you have to let em figure it out on their own.

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Don’t fight with her. Be opened to still being her go to. I left my mom at 13 to live with my dad. Because I thought it was better. I grew up faster than I needed to. Nothing was easier but I learned on my own. If I could go back or tell myself before, not to do it. I would. For sure mom always knows best & is always there no matter what. Just don’t give up on her.

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Let her go and earn her love and respect forever or keep her and have her resent you and run away over and over. Just make sure to tell her to call somebody every couple of hours until she gets there safely. :heart: been there . Good luck momma

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let her see for herself. you can’t stop her at this point because she’s already determined, all you can do is sit back and let her watch it unfold for herself. just be there for her and be ready to accept her with lots of love and open arms when she needs it.

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Ugh this is my biggest fear & my daughter is only 6. I’m so sorry :sob: She will realize who he really is eventually. I know at 17 my mom couldn’t tell me shit , I realized pretty fast i messed up & needed her. She will come back , I’m so sorry :pleading_face::heart:

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I was one of those kids that wanted to go live with my dad even though he was never there for me. I thought I’d be happier but I realized that he was never gonna be there for me like my mom was. He showed me his true colors and I learned my lesson on my own. She will come around. I know it sucks but she needs to see it for herself.

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Keep an open mind and just try to be understanding but ABSOLUTELY ALWAYS make sure she knows your door is always open and she is welcome back ANYTIME. Let her know you love her no matter what and although you don’t agree with her decision you support it and if she does question it or decide to come back soon don’t do the “i told you so” to her it will build resentments and may cause her to stay gone out of spite. Good luck hun. Prayers :pray:

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Mine ran to her dads at 13, kind of same situation. He’s never been there, not for anything, thought he could be dad of the year and bam within 3 weeks she was home. Give it time for the honey moon stage to wear off…

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It’s great she wants to see him and even better you’re supporting that relationship. But… she will be back no doubt. Give it time. I feel for you, I’ve been there and it’s heartbreaking and you’re wondering why she can’t see the big picture. She will in time. Take care of yourself and never doubt she loves you.

Sometimes kids have to see for themselves that the grass isn’t always greener. All you can do is love her and support her through it. If she wants to come back don’t hold a grudge and just welcome her back.

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As long as she is safe let her go, she’ll come back. He’ll show her what he’s like and she’ll come back. Just let her know and I mean tell her she always has a home with you and she can come back if she wants or needs to. Just do what you’ve always done… Be there and be present

I was this girl when I was younger. I ran away to live with my dad because I thought the grass was greener. I spent years back and forth living with dad then mum for a few months then back again. My dad made it look amazing to live with him, let me do what I wanted etc. Looking back now I wish I never did it! My life would have turned out so much different if I had stayed with mum but me and my mum have a amazing relationship now, I talk to my dad maybe 2/3 times a year and that’s because I ring him to make sure hes still alive! The more you tell her not to do it the more she will. You need to be strong, know that she will in time see/realise that it’s not all a bed of roses at dad’s house! She will see him for what he is even if it takes a while. Be there for her, let her know that no matter what she does or doesn’t do you love her, and always tell her she can come home whenever she wants day or night. She will thank you for it in the end! Keep your head up, stay strong and always know she loves you regardless of what she does!

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Let her go. She will eventually see him for who he is. Have your arms ready when she comes back. He won’t be able to handle having her around any easier than her being around him.

She needs to find out for herself baby mommas that try to show their kids the bad side of their dad are literally the worst. My stepdaughters mom is a trip always telling her things bad about her dad and she legally cannot keep her away from him so his daughter cries and screams when we have to pick her up by the time she goes back to her moms shes happy with him again

Let her go
My daughter did a similar thing she came back saying how marvelous he was such a great father bla bla eventually it came out he was drunk assaulting his new partner talking down to her making her feel like trash
Has know contact with him now

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Maybe he will change and form an amazing bond and relationship with her. This exact thing happened to a friend of mine and it turned out amazing for all. Give it a chance.

Right now she has fairytale version of him in her head and heart. As painful as it may be for both of you reality will do what it’s best at and shine a very ugly light on him as a person. If that happens just make sure she knows from the start she has an out with no shame or blame. Some lessons are learned hard no matter how much it hurts a parent to see it.

Been there I have 4 kids to my ex husband who wasn’t in there life for 15 years plus.Two of my son’s went and seen there father.They found out the truth sometimes u have to let them learn on there own.
Just support her and be there .
The truth about her father will be realised after she spends time with him .
Maybe she has wondered what he was like for a while just never told u .
I have two kids that want nothing to do with there father at all
Two who do.
So I support them all in there choice.
Believe me mum’s still no1 lol
They always turn to me .

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I had to do this same exact thing with my 17 yr old. They have to learn for themselves it’s you only protecting them. My 20 yr old learned the hard way to. Let this open her eyes otherwise children will believe you have kept them apart. Believe me my ex’s have played this game, now my kids see it was mama who made shit happen not the one who didn’t want to be around. Just luv your child.

I did this to my mom when I was about that age. It took me almost 6 months to relise I had made a mistake. And I called my mom to come home. I think it had alot to do with my age and me thinking I knew what what best for me. But I learned I definitely didn’t know what was best for me and that I needed my mom.
I hope this turns out the same for you. But give it time, she will relise when the reality of life hits her as it did to me.
I can relate to her and just hope that she makes the right choice when it comes time. I am happy I realised, it took a bit but I ended up back with mom where I belonged. Best of luck just give her time and space.

I know it would be very difficult, but you have to let her go…But make sure you always reassure her that your door is ALWAYS open, if she wants to come back😍

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She will find happiness or come home be ready. Support her until then. When she does come back sont i told ya so or anything just welcome and love

Sometimes as parents we have to take a back seat, and just be there for them if things don’t fall through.
Some children need to experience reality in their own way. If going to her Dad’s helps her in anyway, allow her.

Oh, Mama. I don’t want to write a novel, but I’ve been dealing with a similar issue since April. My best advice is not to push her, and keep an open line of communication with her. The harder you push, she’s likely to push back. I know it hurts, and you likely feel you can’t breathe. But you are, have been, and will continue to do so. Some kids just have to learn the hard way. Sending you HUGE hugs. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world.

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Just because owes money doesn’t mean anything same with not being there maybe they felt you really would not allow you for them to be there for them.

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Let her be. Just let her know you love her and your door is open when and if she wants to come home. She’s going through growing pains. It’s hard, but some things they just have to learn on their own.

Let her go, tell her your only a phone call away. She’s almost an adult, let her make her own choices, but make it known your still there, no matter what and she can always come home.

Back off it ain’t about you or him. Let her decide how her relationship with you and her dad play out. The more you fight her on it the more you lose.

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Just be ready for that call and go get her is all I can say. She needs to see for herself.

Let her see the grass aint greener on the other side …I know it hurts as momma bear but she is old enough to see for herself

As much as it sucks, shes 17. So close to 18. She can honestly go to court and choose herself. Let her figure it out.

Be available to her whenever she needs. Let her tell you about life there when you tall on the phone. Don’t judge or she won’t be open. Just listen and be there when she wants to come home.

You support her by letting her get convinced in her own way ,time will be telling enough in due time❤

Bite your tongue and let her figure this one out. Be supportive. And be ready for the good or bad outcome.

Let her go.

Let her come back.

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She wi be back. Don’t pressure her so she is free to come back home

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Let her go it won’t be long before she comes back.

Let go. She needs to learn on her own.

Let her go. She will figure it out

Cry. Grieve. Get help for yourself. Pray they’ll be ok.

The Fred’s is greener. She’ll realize.

Don’t worry she’ll be back . Give it a month or two

She’ll be back soon. Don’t say I told you so

Sometimes it’s something you have to learn for yourself. I did the same thing. As soon as I had the chance I ran off to be with my dad and stepmom because at the time I was convinced it was going to finally make me happy. I learned for myself that I want absolutely nothing to do with those people but I am happy my mom didn’t try to fight me on it too much. She warned me but she didn’t stop me because she knew either I’d find out his true colors or he’d finally come around and was going to be a decent dad.

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She needs to learn for herself, the hard way…
She’ll be back, just make sure you support her when she comes home and don’t make it an “I told you so” situation. Be proud of her for making such a big decision and let her know you’re still there to support her and protect her

Just know that you’ve done YOUR job. She needs to explore this new chapter in her life. If he is now good to her…then be happy. If he’s still a shmuck, she’ll find out, and it will suck for her. As girls want their “daddies”. And you can be there to catch her.

Curiosity. She wants to see what it’s like… I would support her and keep in contact to make sure she’s okay but let him provide everything for her…

Let her see, how happy she will be. Plain and simlpe.

Support her decision no matter how much it hurts you

Listen my grandma always said the worst thing you can give someone is what they want and the grass ain’t greener on the other side. Give her what she wants. Let her go. As hard as it is let her see for herself he is obviously a POS and doesn’t care about her like you do so just let her go. Kids aren’t stupid she will figure out for herself where her bread is buttered and she will come home. Unless of course you are a narcissistic person or manipulative in which case she will stay with him because if that.

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The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, she may just wanna go their for closure ro see what her dad is really like. Just be there for her that’s all you can do

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She’ll soon see what he’s really like, she’ll be bk

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They have to go find out on their own. Tell them you love them daily and just relax. I left and ran off to my dads at 16 it lasted 6 months and came running back. Mom was right :unamused::laughing:

She will be back, and you will be there to pick her up. It hurts but it’s pretty much every kids story

They need to know their dad to. No matter what they owe or where they have been. They need to figure it out themselves if he is good or bad. It is still there dad.

I done something similar & but i came back, because i grew tf up at only 16. We think we know what we want & need, but tbh, we don’t, shes a teenager & i know its killing you inside, but if you keep pushing then you may lose her, so just remind her you love her & although it kills you inside, tell her you support her.

Ummm she’s basically a adult. Hard as it may be let her do her.

Trust me… She’ll be back

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do I support my 17 year old who ran away to her bio dads?

Not much you can do unless he is abusive. She is almost an adult and can pick where she wants to live. Have you ever heard the saying “When your grown children quit listening to you, quit talking, life will teach them”. Just keep the porch light on and keep being a good mom. Some people just have to figure it out the hard way.

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