Why do you keep him around? Sounds totally useless in re the family. He’s getting a free maid out of you and your getting overworked and resentful. That’s not healthy.
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Same situation your in. I’d say leave, we are “seperated” not legally and we live together still but we dont/havent slept together for a year. I’m currently looking for a place, for myself and 2 kids. People change when you have kids. My husband did, he was lazy before but its gotten worst. We have different parenting styles, argue all the time and I literally do everything in the house. Been doing it on my own for awhile so I finally realized I deserve better, I need to work on myself, love myself, and put my needs first. I’m not perfect but I’m not gunna let a man tear me down because we’re arguing over his laziness. He says is a “flaw”. Anyways get out while you can. I’ve stayed for 3 years and been so depressed. Kids deserve to see you happy. You might ve stressed for a bit in the beginning but it will be worth it. 
No there isn’t . Remember who you were without children , and then remember who you became with children . If someone comes into your life not matching both of those characteristics, they aren’t the one . Believe in yourself to find the one and love yourself enough to find it
Well personally I would demand some changes be made or split. I hope you guys can work it out it was kind of like this with our first child n I demanded things be different or I left and I did leave just so he knew I wasn’t bluffing and afterwards we both made changes and treated each other better and now with our second things are much better
Not trying to be mean but you need to dump him and have time for yourself. You jumped into a relationship with him before you healed from your previous relationship if those timelines mean anything (I could be wrong). You have to be happy with yourself before you know what you deserve. Only then can you set standards for yourself and find the right person. Or you may choose to be happy being by yourself. You never know. You just need to leave him and spend time on yourself.
You are not the one who should change your attitude. You are the one who needs to clear the trash and useless people/items from the house. Your resentment will remain fresh and poisonous as long as you allow this behavior to continue.
It will eat you alive if you allow it. You have to make YOU and your babies are the priority. Realize that no one changes unless they want to. I learned the hard way and it was miserable. Plus, it sounds like he’s already checked out of the relationship.
Resentment turns into anger and bitterness if you’re not careful. I’d rather be disappointed in someone and treat them accordingly. Life is too short and you deserve a true partner and support. (((((HUGS)))))
you don’t move on, you find a man who will DO BETTER. you move on by losing and putting yourself first. put your foot down and if he can’t get with it it’s time to get lost
If you feel like a single mom, leaving him wouldn’t be too much harder. Either ask him to go to therapy together… honestly seems like he would not be into it, or just leave him. You deserve the world
Most men are giant babies that still need to be hand held through life, especially when it comes to considering others. You can leave him but that might make life harder financially. Otherwise, straighten up your crown, Queen. Organise some childcare and go to work for a couple of days a week, if you can. This is your life. Blaming and resenting is really damaging to the soul. You have two babies who love you unconditionally, focus on impressing them, not shit for brains! Go get it!!
Maybe try getting to know a dude better before having babies with him? If he hasn’t celebrated you in 2 years it doesn’t sound like her ever did or he did maybe once. You can’t really resent a person for being who they are when you didn’t get to know them. All you can do now is decide how you’re gonna live and live that way, with or without him.
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So by undervaluing yourself you’ve taught him how to undervalue you. What you accept shows people how little effort they can put into you.
Step up, ask for what you need, tell him what you want, get angry off he doesn’t do it. You’ll have to retrain him how to value you through example. Step up your self care. Buy yourself flowers. Tell him you’re expecting breakfast in bed etc. don’t sit in victimhood.
Assuming you have already discussed the issue, given him plenty of gentle reminders that you needed help, gave plenty of time to see if anything would change on top of those reminders- that’s when you realize you deserve better. Communication first and then know your worth and step away. My situation was different, but doing it alone without his added comments/stressors/agression makes our lives so much healthier for myself and the kids. Hopefully he makes the right choices. Good luck!
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I recommend getting in touch with a counselor that specializes in addictive behavior. Someone who can help you learn how to set and establish boundaries. Best thing I ever did.
While my marriage didn’t survive my quest for personal growth, a lot came from it and I now have a wonderful coparenting friendship with my ex-husband.
The biggest thing I learned to do was not tolerate less than what I deserved. I also was able to work out and sort through my own wrongs in the process. What started as marriage counseling quickly turned to individual counseling and it was worth every penny!
Most insurances have coverage for individual and family therapy. Addictive behaviors go beyond drugs and alcohol. It includes anger and control issues as well.
I also recommend listening to the 5 love languages audio books.
I believe my marriage could have been salvaged if it would have taken my dad’s advise and read it earlier. It only takes one of you to make a change and two to do the work to make it work.
My fiance and I read that book together and it set a wonderful foundation to build our relationship on. 10/10 recommend.
Don’t get past it. You need to stand up to him! He’s not a father, partner or provider so wtf is he there for? Take up for yourself or you’ll end up resenting yourself in the end.
I literally just had this conversation with my therapist today… she said in order to stop living in the last and let go of the resentment… you have to be able to allow yourself to forgive his past behavior before you are able to consider moving forward… that he may not ever be the man you were with at the beginning of the relationship and that its your choice whether you are able to forgive and let go… and allow yourself to accept who he is and his behavior… OR if you are not able to forgive and accept who he is now, you are better off leaving the relationship for your own peace of mind. My situation is a whole lot different then what you are in and being a single mom of 3 isn’t easy but it is doable… I was a single mom at the age of 25 with 3 boys… don’t ever stay “for the kids” do what is going to benefit you and your children’s growth… if you already do everything as a single mom would with little to no help, in my opinion I would leave and start a new life… maybe before making this tough decision try talking with him and explaining how you are feeling… if he truly cares he will step up his role and begin to help, it may start off in a small way but that’s better then nothing, if he brushes the conversation off or doesn’t want to discuss it at all… then that is your answer and I would set up new living arrangements and make the journey to being a single mom. Best of luck hun 
Could try counseling together? Nothing wrong with that at all. My husband and I do that and it’s really opened his eyes to how much he used to put on me vs himself. It’s always nice to have an outside opinion so it’s not you guys just pointing fingers and blaming each other.
It sounds bad to say but with me an my sons father split for basically the same situation your honestly better off moving on if you feel he wont make a change for you an his kids
What is it that keeps you with him besides your children? Years of unhappiness will follow if you let it continue 
do some soul searching and figure it out. Sounds like you deserve better.
I have always found that once resentment gets in your marriage, it’s already too late😞 and I had the same thing in my first marriage and I did everything myself…always…finally realized I wanted a partner and divorced him…now I have the best husband in the world❤️
Move out. If he hasn’t shown any more interest than that, move on. You can do better, and you deserve some respect, which you are not getting there.
Get a new one🤷 or tell him exactly how you feel. Actions speak louder than words.
Sounds like a narcissist that will never change Sounds like my ex. I’m just saying I left and am raising two teenagers by myself but it’s better than two teenagers and him. And have found a great guy also.
Went through same thing… I spoke up , nothing changed, I left! Shouldn’t have to feel like that in a PARTNERSHIP- you didn’t get pregnant alone! Shouldn’t have to do it alone. Period.
Girl I feel you! My husband was asleep during a 24 hour labor with my twins. He also fell asleep after my thyroid surgery. He wouldn’t wake up. I had to call a nurse to hand me socks that were right next to my snoring husband. All I can say is therapy helps a ton
He is what he has shone you. Open your eyes and see what he’s showing you. Not trying to be hateful. Do better for yourself. And show your kids how their mama should be treated.
You don’t move past it unless a change is made. Ultimately that is why I left my ex-husband whom I have two kids with. I decided to walk away 13 years ago when I asked him to get marriage counseling and he told me to “get a hobby”.
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I felt that way with my ex husband, you shouldn’t feel that way, it’s not normal. If you’re not happy I would consider your options to leave because you deserve better.
I honestly feel like there’s no getting past this. He sounds like a trash person. Put him on the curb where he belongs. Sorry. I wish I could be more empathetic toward this situation, but everyday, I see women, wonderful, strong, beautiful women settling for less than they deserve and being miserable every day of their existence because they’re afraid of hurting their partner or whatever reason they give as to why they stay. You deserve better. There’s literally NO EXCUSE as to why you should be miserable. Your kids are not a reason to be miserable either. Bc if he is trash to you, he’s teaching your kids to grow up and treat people like trash. You can try counseling, but at the end of the day if he doesn’t see anything wrong with his actions, and you don’t demand the respect you deserve, then things aren’t going to change.
I would not tolerate this. I wouldn’t resent him. I’d break up with him, get court mandated child support, and if I ever dated anybody else, I’d make sure they were my partner before I got serious.
It’ll be easier when he’s out the picture. You’re already doing everything on your own. Trust me. Been there done that.
That sounds like you don’t have a partner and can either communicate your resentment IN counciling and not before because it puts him in a room with a third party that can provide solution instead of him feeling completely defensive. If he refuses to go to counciling I’d leave. I say that because I have been there. If I’ve learned anything, it is that its best to raise your child separate of a toxic partner than with them. Your children will see eventually why and make their own opinions. It is hard to start over with littles, but it’s easier when you’re energy isn’t going into a fruitless relationship. Keep firm boundries, little ones are watching and learning for you what is okay. Trust me they will carry what they learn on in to their adulthood. I’ve lived it and I’m seeing it in my 16yo.
Demand respect. If he refuses, you are already doing it on your own. Don’t need anyone, only want someone. Is that who you want? Or do you need him? He don’t celebrate your birthday. Tell him in advance what you expect. That day comes and he don’t do that, then tell him you are not being walked all over. Tell him in advance (which you shouldn’t have to) but you’re looking for change. Start with communication.
Sounds like a spoiled mamas boy like my ex. You don’t deserve that so don’t act desperate. If you shared this with him and there is no change, you should leave. There is someone willing to treat you better than that or like a Queen. Leave him watch people will start to help you
If you’re doing it all by yourself then you can do it all by yourself.
Read that again. Over and over until it sticks. You have 3 children, you don’t need a 4th (the bf)
Why would you have children with a man like this? No offense but he showed you who he is before you had children with him unless you really didn’t get to know him first before having kids? I’m not understanding what made you think he would change after having kids. Seems to me you will be a single mum of three very young kids. Sounds like he is just sticking around cuz you two have kids and is probably resentful. I understand it takes two to tango and he should not be resentful of you but this is how it will go. Honestly it sounds like you really just didn’t know him very well before you had his kids (not judging at all, I was only a few months in with two of my kids dad’s when I got pregnant) but look as I said two of my kids dad’s…these situations where you don’t really get to know the man first and get pregnant usually turn out that way. You are surprised at how they “change” or “act” when in reality this is who they always were, you just did not get to know them well enough. I can write a book on my daughter’s dad and that experience on how he flipped up on me when I got pregnant:flushed:
…these “relationships” don’t usually last either. Y’all barely knew each other when you had your first one 
.pls use protection and don’t have anymore with this man as it most likely won’t last and you don’t wanna be a single momma of four or five. Get to know the next man, get married first …etc. like I said, not trying to judge or sound mean. I’m 43 hun and been a single mom since the age of 20. I have a 23, 11 and 7 y/o so am speaking from life experience. Good luck
This is my experience, might work for you, might not.
My partner works Mon-Fri 9-5 and used to do his hobbies on Saturdays and also went to gym after work every day meaning he wouldn’t be home until baby was in bed. I get post natal counseling and she told me to tell him my whole life changed having a baby and he made zero adjustments which isn’t fair so we talked it out, now he goes to gym once baby is in bed which tbh is when I will usually go to bed too. I told him I need more help around the house, he does it but I also tried to switch my mentality to the fact that he busts ass at work to basically be his and my income now so maybe he doesn’t actually need to do so much around the house. We’re still rocky, I just told him yesterday that his man stink really turns me off so now he’s working on that and I’m going to get him my fav man cologne for father’s day. Men think different to us, don’t see everything we see and aren’t mind readers. Communication really helps our relationship and your hormones will balance out eventually and you’ll stop being angry at everything. It’s so hard being a woman sometimes 
I’d say you don’t. You go out there and fend for yourself like it seems you have been and you wait until you find someone deserving of you.
My ex was like this- except he had 3 other kids I took care
Of. He ran around on me and was a total shit show.
Left and never looked back
Get rid of the extra baggage and move on. Doing all this work alone you might as well have the benefits of being single vs doing it all alone and having none at all. “Benefits of being single” are different based on each person’s personal situation but at least you won’t spend your days building up resentment and watching him do nothing while you drown. Lol. Wishing you the best of luck!!
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I think you need to ask yourself and him. Does he know how you feel? Do you ask him for help? most men need to be told on how to help ,if you don’t speak up for yourself nobody else will
The boy is not worth your time or energy. He is by no means a man.
I often forget to love my partner… I get so busy being a mum i forget that I’m also a partner and my partner needs a bit of my time and attention aswell.
He works to pay the bills and I stay home and look after the kids and the house. Is it easy? Hell no it isn’t but I’m sure his day isn’t easy either.
I think the hardest part is at the end of the day I would love a break, I would love him to come home grab the kids and let me just have an hour of me time but then I remember he needs an hour of him time too having being in the hot Sun all day.
That’s my experience anyway.
Better or worse is a commitment.
You don’t end it because you’re not getting attention or help.
Give him about 7 years atleast. And quit seeking all your validation from him. Do the best version of you regardless of his participation.
Communication is key. He might not realize the importance of celebrations to you. He might have not been brought up the same as you. You definitely need to have an honest conversation with him about everything that is bothering you, especially the lack of help. It might not be obvious to him that you need help. You have 3 young children and that demand your attention if he helped you he’d have more quality time with you. It’s all about communication and teamwork. When you discuss be careful with your words and don’t point fingers. You’ll be much happier with the results if he feels as if he’s doing it his way. Good luck 
I am the same, so i stopped caring & attending to his needs. I mean it sounds easy right??
Stop catering to him, stop cleaning after him, im gonna say, this works for me, but i cant necessarily say it’ll work for you.
Tbh, Just stop caring🤷🏽♀️
You need to sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling. Not what he’s doing wrong because he will get defensive and stop listening. So make it about you and your feelings. Communication is the key to any relationship. Do you have anyone that can help you besides dad? Maybe some therapy to help him see your side and feelings. Hope it gets better. 
What my are you still with him. He is clearly showing you how he feels. I’m sos sorry but you can build a life for yourself and your children and being free of the resentment will be a weight lifted off you, I promise!
You could try couples therapy like Relate? It’s a last resort but I’d definitely try that before pulling the plug. I did it with my ex but sadly it didn’t work as he’s a narcissist. But maybe it will work with yours as it sounds like he’s just really lazy and complacent.
Talk to him!! Tell him how you feel. You’ll either work it out or he’ll do nothing to change and it will end.
Leave now don’t stretch it out. He won’t change. You will grow to hate him. Been there
I am in a similar situation. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I think you need to separate honestly and live alone with your kids. Why have him around if he isn’t going to do more to help you? You can focus on your kids and yourself and not worry about him since you won’t see him as much. In time I think you will feel better . If you keep living together though maybe have a talk with him and let him know how you are feeling and that things need to change and see how he reacts. If nothing changes then make him go.
First things first. Stop calling this person your partner. They are not being a partner.
He sounds like he will just add more things to resent.
Leave him and have peace. You are doing it alone anyway
Not sure what breaks my heart more… 1)Relating almost exactly to this. 2) Knowing I’m not the only one going through it.
Girl, you need to speak up. He doesn’t respect you at all. If you don’t demand respect, then you’ll never get it. Your children are seeing the way he treats you & they’re going to grow up thinking that it’s ok for men to treat women that way when it most definitely is not ok! Stand your ground hun. You deserve better than that.
Can’t stop resentment if he’s continually exhibiting the behavior… that is ongoing neglectful behaviors… your being neglected… period
If you are gonna be a single parent, be a single parent. Thats how I did it. And I never looked back…been a sinble parent of 2 for 13 yrs now
I think everyone on here will advise you to leave. But only you will know when it’s over.
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What is he doing while you taking care of the babies and home? If he’s out working and supporting you financially then you are by no means doing it alone.
If he hasn’t celebrated your birthday in 2 years…how did you end having 2 children with this man…MAKE BETTER CHOICES. screw me once shame you, screw me twice shame on me
First, you have to decide if you even want to.
You cannot change him.
Do you want to stay in that?
You can only work on you.
Nope. I always felt it was worse in that situation then I felt as an actual single mother.
You ARE a single mother. You aren’t married. You saw his colors with the 1 year old being born…
You literally got pregnant back to back with the last two… that’s overwhelming for LOADS of people.
YOU need to step back and ask yourself how you have had three kids in three years. You didn’t give yourself TIME to get to know this man. You didn’t demand a commitment before having children with this person.
You have two options… bluntly… you can live as a single mom and have him pay the bills until he is tired of playing house and moves on or you can take this time to get some skills under your belt and start saving to move on.
This feels like a “relationship” thats with young people. He won’t change any time soon, kids aren’t an excuse or reason for someone to “grow up”.
Find some strong and reliable pregnancy preventative until you get things a bit more settled in life because now you have to deal with two different fathers and their drama in your life and trust me, it can get complicated. Go to college and/or trade school and be in a place to fend for yourself and not relying on someone else in case crap hits the fan that way NO one can say you have what you have because of them.
You teach people how to treat you and you complaining about his actions isn’t going to change a thing. You doing it without him and moving on without him and elevating yourself is what will make him do a double take.
Communication is key,some men are like babies they don’t do things because they assume you okay because you didn’t ask.imagine leaving and finding another man what are you teaching your 1st born? That everytime you feel something in your marriage you leave?.if you don’t talk to your husband he will never know you struggling,he will always assume you know what you doing…and kids need a happy Mom even though we not perfect mom’s but we owe it to our kids to atleast be happy so as to reflect that to them
Atleast yours didn’t leave you at the hospital while in 30 hours of labor and had his “side chick “ pick him up
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I would talk to him first if nothing changes then leave
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Therapy. And, hell have to take responsibility for his actions. If not…it will only build.
Hard when they don’t see an issue with their actions
This doesn’t seem like something you should move past or get over. It’s behavior that shouldn’t just continue. Talk to him if he won’t change leave him.
I think your resentment is 100% valid. I would feel the same. I don’t think it’s fair to say you need to get past the valid resentment. More like, I think you should be open and tell him how you feel and why and see if he’s able to change because being in a resentful relationship with children is no way to live and you have every right to feel the way you do.
It’s called divorce with child support…
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Sounds like he hasn’t grown up yet
At some point, in Every man’s life… they ‘man-up.’
I agree if you don’t demand respect you will never get it. And if he refuses, tell him to hit the road
You can’t! It’s easier alone I say that from experience! Less dissapointing moments! Less hurt etc etc!
Yes tell your partner to pull his head out of his ass, while this behaviour continues you will never be able to get over the resentment. So either he stops it or I suggest you seriously consider leaving him before you end up hating him & resenting yourself.
I wouldn’t want to work through it if my husband treated me that way.
Have you brought this to his attention and had an honest conversation with him about how you are feeling? Some guys are just completely clueless and dont know what you need unless you actually tell them. If you have had that conversation and he knows it bothers you and still does nothing to change it, then that’s grounds for dismissal for me. If he has no consideration for you as a wife or even a mother, hes already done and you are struggling with a man that wont change no matter how much you love him or how many chances you give him. You need to be firm in what you are asking of him and what you expect of him as a partner and a parent. This isn’t a one sided relationship and it takes work, and communication. If he isnt interested in that, I’m afraid id move on and give my time and efforts to someone who wants to be involved with their family and spouse.
Talk to him in a calm heart to heart conversation and tell him how you feel, be honest with him, and see if he is Willing to work on things with you.
Sounds like her may need a talking to. If you can’t do it, is there someone who could? Another male preferably
Get past him by ditching that trash and finding a new path in life that didn’t involve him.
How are y’all not celebrating YOU but more kids are being created? Make it make sense!
leave i used to be like that married but really single you will only regret not leaving sooner
In my experience-no…I could’ve wrote this post my self about my ex husband (he’s an ex for this reason, literally everything you said) he told me one time that it’s stupid to celebrate Mother’s Day and that it wasn’t a holiday in his mind…blah
The easiest way to get over the resentment is to leave him, take care of u n your babies and try to be more selective as to your next baby daddy.
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Why are you still with him? If you have to do everything by yourself anyways just move on. He doesn’t respect you or love you obviously
Talk about it with him and if you already have and he doesn’t care then I would leave. You deserve better and to be acknowledged.
Resentment would be holding on to something that happened before but this is still going on atm. I would leave.
When you love someone you treasure them. He isn’t doing that nor putting the basic effort in for a relationship.
You may need to set up some structure since you have sooo many young ones honey. I have 3 that are all 18 months apart so I understand, but maybe you can come up with chores for hubby, and 2-3 year old no matter how easy it is … like help set table (try using paper products) - to make simpliar or have kids start to learn washing dishes beside you at sink and bring baby and put in high chair/bouncy/ stand up walker or near you so you don’t have to hold all the time. If they can see you they are content usually. You just have to get that communication back with him. You do have to learn to forgive and move on or you will end up having too much anger in your heart. Hugs and prayers for a positive outcome
No thanks, launch him head first out the front door 
people like that, you keep thinking they will change but they never do.
The real question is if he’s not living up to the person you need him to be, why are you two still together. 
Just walk away and never look back. If he ain’t helping now your already doing it all on ur own. I’d try to talk first and if that don’t help than simply leave him.
I didn’t get past it until I left. And even then it took a few years to get past all of the screwed up feelings it created for me
I would say it’s not worth “getting over.” Use your feelings to drive you to move in another direction.
I wouldn’t get past that kind of resentment, he needs to wakeup call and to change his ways tbh. Couples therapy if you think it will help or just leave
Talking about it could help him understand by “owning your feelings”, don’t accuse. Example- “ I am hurt because I work really hard to be a good mom and wife, but you have forgotten special days”. Ask him, Are bdays and holiday celebrations a trigger for you? This may open it up for you. Also, is there a friend or a neighbor, family member you trust to give you and he a break so you can go on a date? A lot of times it’s what they don’t say - because they know you are overwhelmed and don’t wanna add anything else. Also do you ask him to help and does he when you do?
I don’t think you can let go of the resentment…I think it only grows more!!
You answered your own questions, being a single mom is tiring, but with it.
The only way to get past it is to 1.) talk to your partner about it if you want to save the relationship or 2.) leave.
Depends on if waiting until the kids are adults maybe before he does anything nice for you then I suppose you can but I doubt you will