I’m in a similar situation minus being pregnant and no kids. I’ve been with my bf for 3 1/2 years,we both work but he doesn’t pay any of the bills I pay everything. Well recently things have gotten pretty bad,he treats me like crap but blames my feelings and attitude on menopause. It’s called I’m tired of his crap. I feel he has used me for a place to live and transportation. He’s a liar and I feel he is cheating also. I’m fed up and ready to leave but I don’t want to give up my home cause if a guy again.
I have a few questions Is the house in your name only or is his name on the deed as well. If he is not them ask him to leave. If it is then you leave and go to a shelter. Get a new bank account and if you stay in the house change the locks. Good luck and enjoy the stress free living. He is no help to you so why keep around? Tell him man up.
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It will be hard but it already sounds like you are a strong and amazing person. You got this! Show those babies they have a momma that gave up everything to make a better life for them. Hugs & Prayers 
Girl you and your children are worth more tell him to hit the road that’s your house:disappointed_relieved:
Try therapy on your own to help you sort it all out and make a plan that includes securing your and your children’s futures. Either he will shape up and hop
On board or he won’t. But securing a future is your job.
Some don’t understand the power of prayer or the miracles that can come from a tiny seed.
Tell him u want to get married to be husband and wife , tell him u want ur children to understand and feel the love of thier dad . tell him he is their protector and provider their teacher and that they will always need him as a seed needs water and sunshine to grow and prosper . then start talking to the one and only true king with him . Time for friends , family and people u don’t know to start a prayer chain for ur family .
I don’t know u so I will start .
Father God in heaven I come before you in the MIGHTY NAME of Jesus Christ and ask that you please touch the heart , soul and minds of thus family and bring them together as your children , forgive them , love them , change them , give them strength , hope and guidance , wrap them in your arms and show them the great plans you have for them as a family and as your children with the inheritance you have promised .
I ask these things in the MIGHTY NAME of Jesus Christ
Amen !
I think if you reread what you wrote you’ll see it’s past time to remove him from your life.
When the day comes where he chooses alcohol over diapers, youll know you stayed too long. You dont have a man you have 3 children with 2 on the way.
Take him off the bank accounts ,your not married! Look at churches in the area for help. Do you get snap or assistance from state, contact them for help. Since he is working - kick his ass out! Is the house yours or both or are you renting? There are alot or resources for women and children just do your research and get out of there♥️
Maybe if you kick him out he will change. By letting him stay and not forcing some kind of action or way of making him help, it is causing him to be content. Think about it, if all he has to put up with is hearing you complain and gripe to him, (and you have every right to and more) then why would he be concerned. If you take drastic action and make him leave and get a job, either he will change and realize what he is missing or you will be better off without him, if he don’t want to change. And my God get your own bank account without him on it with no way to access it. If he’s the stay at home dad, and can’t do right with your money, give him an allowance.
People only change when they want to. Usually, they only want to when their current situation hurts worse than changing. He’s got it pretty easy right now.
He’s not gonna change, you already feel taken advantage of because that’s exactly what’s happening. Cut your losses and tell him to get the fuck out
As soon as you have to ask that question.
Lose the loafer. You are supporting all his bad habits. You don’t need him adding to your troubles.
Dear, I have been in your shoes. 17 years. Due to childcare, deaths in my family, etc. My divorce did not happen until I hit the 17 year mark and my youngest was 13. I subconsciously waited until they were older. It is easier to tell u to leave than actually doing so. I did get away and file for divorce thanks to my father’s help in another state. He died suddenly on Xmas Day and I needed his help. We owned the house I had bought before we married. I was back to work when my babies were 1 week old, I had to. Finally, I found a woman close by who loved my kids and helped me so very much. I have worked at home and brought newborns to work with me. I had a problem with it and could not work very well. (3) My best advantage was I owned the home, so we would never be homeless. (I had payments) I was a very strong woman. Now, all are grown and we were divorced in 2006. He passed away in 2018 due to his lifestyle and heavy drinking. Very young. He had his faults but, his children loved him. Of course it was very hard. I could tell you some crazy things he did. He changed a little, managed to get a job after the divorce filing 12 years prior when my dad died. A sad life he had, his biggest accomplishment was his children. Unfortunately, only the last days in hospice did everyone make amends. The point is, I do not know how you will make it with the newborn twins. Hold on and do what is best for your children. I waited and am glad I did. Look for opportunity anywhere you can. God Bless. He was not on the bank account.
Leave him as fast as you can
You know when you’re pulling dead weight that refuses to be an adult.
You may already be in a Common Law Marriage depending on the state.
Consult a -good- lawyer, use a site like Aavo to figure out who doesn’t suck. Consultations are usually free. Don’t tell the useless lump you’re doing this. Just keep on as usual, you don’t want to tip your hand. Get the legal stuff sorted out before giving him the news.
As for work, Flex Jobs is a subscription employment hunting site, so it’s not free but the work is screened so no scams. You can work at home, which would be added security in this time of transition.
It’s time to get away from this person
I hear ya… I’m in a similar boat as you! I have 2 kids, husband quit his job and now were broke… He drained our savings as well and both checking accounts from his addictions. Ugh. I want to take my kids and leave as well but with no money… Idk what to do. Cant work myself unless its an at home type job and those are hard to find that are actually worth it.
Time to say goodbye to him he wont never change you need to think of your self and the kids because he is not being a good dad if he can’t at least help you with the support of them God be with you and help you to make the right decision for you
Girl you said it all yourself, you are carrying useless dead weight around you are enabling him to take advantage of you and as you see he doesn’t care enough for his family to change he is not showing you any love or support. Get public assistance at least for a while for yourself and kids throw him out, then he will be forced to work cause he’ll have to pay child support, that will be a wakeup call for him or he will find someone else to support him. He’s not showing you any love or support
He is not going to change I know I have been there leave before his behaviour
Affects your children they deserve a real father
Talk to your doctor about reliable birth control.
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When you question whether or not it’s time to end the relationship, 9/10 it’s time. it’s going to be difficult but you can do it.
Time to goooooooooo!!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
You need to focus on yourself first. I would end it and get where you need to be
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It sounds like he wants someone with no strings attached. Id end it. He doesn’t sound like step daddy material.
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Honey, just do you for now! You need to repair yourself before it gets worse or it wont go anywhere!
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It is time to end the relationship when you have to ask “when is it time”… if your not happy with yourself, your not going to be happy with anyone else. Focus on getting YOU to where you want to be. Then go from there.
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If you don’t see a future, then save your energy
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Talk to him about how you’re feeling about it, guys aren’t all knowing, he may not realize how much it hurts you to feel like you can’t do anything and explain the situation to him, if you like him and he likes you he will understand and hell you get to where you wanna be in life
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When you start to question everyone and everything because he has screwed with your head so bad
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Focus on yourself. I was with someone who wanted to jump and go camping for a weekend and we broke up bc I couldn’t. He wanted to be carefree and I had to be responsible. Maybe you come up with ideas and present them to him? “How about we do something outdoors this weekend” “how about we have a movie night, I have a sitter” anything.
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I think it’s great you realize you need to focus on yourself and your working hard to get where you want to be! Keep trucking along if he’s worth anything he’ll stick with ya don’t force it
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Have you tried telling him all this and talking to him about making compromises?
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I have no advise. But I want to say relationships are no relationships anymore 
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You need to do you 1st than everythibg else will fall in place, ive learned late in my life that I wasn’t truly happy with myself therefore I couldn’t give anyone else any of ," ME"im not insuating you’re not happy with yourself I’m simply saying until you come full circle with " YOU" things will go much smoother😊
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Personally I feel if your questioning if you should end the relationship already, end it. Focus on you and getting yourself where you need to be.
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It couldn’t hurt to cut things off especially if he doesn’t take your role as a mother into consideration. My boyfriend is more established in his career than I am as I’m currently making a career change. He works m-f and I’m home with our son all week and work overnights. I was also back in school on weekends for a while which took a hit on our time together. During that time we made it a priority to have a date night every or every other Friday night. Got a sitter and all. It was awesome and really helped us have relationship time together instead of just seeing each other in passing. If he doesn’t understand that growth is a process then fuck him
I’d focus on yourself.
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I’m a single mother. I up arms leave all the time. Sometimes, it’s with my kids and some without. That’s not a valid reason. It kind of sounds like an excuse. Have you tried to compromise, like a day trip a few hours away with him on your free day?
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Ask him what he’d do n your situation. See if you can come up with solutions and ideas together. If he brushes you off, it’s time to say goodbye. If he’s not interested in compromise or refuses to work with you, he’s only thinking of himself and isn’t good for you or your child in the long run.
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Go with your gut, if it doesn’t feel right let it go
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You just need to have a conversation with him it sounds like.
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I would openly up and talk to him and tell him, how you feel and what you have been thinking. And see where things go from there because people could surprise you. If he is serious about ya, he will help u if you like it or not just because he wants to and he wants to support you and be there for you. Don’t listen to anyone else. You need talk to him about this. Unless you just aren’t feeling the relationship anymore and your not into then, that’s on you but if you like this guy. And wanna see where stuff goes. You need to talk to him about everything what you are feeling and thinking.
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Explain to him your feelings and if he doesn’t get it then it’s probably just time to move forward. Like you said you two are in different stages of your life, so if he doesn’t want to help you reach his or at least stick it out till you can get there, then you guys probably won’t be very compatible.
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All I read was the question and I have an answer. When you ask that question to yourself and when you feel you are done then it is time. Do many people always worry about what others think and feel. Yes in a relationship you should. But if your not happy and you feel like ou don’t want to be in the relationship then it’s time to leave.
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Some people just aren’t on the same level and that’s OK. If he seems unhappy calmly talk to him but if you feel like you just need to get it together I would break up
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Plan a small trip for Labor Day weekend.
Get yourself straight, take care of your child.
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Try to talk too him & if nothing is resolved, MOVE ON
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Well first of all if your kid doesn’t fit into his picture and lifestyle as well as future that alone would be my reason to end things. Im a single parent and unless someone is good with my son and willing to accept him 100% than I’m not going forward in any way with him. Second off if you are having this much stress and consuming thoughts this soon into the relationship it’s really not healthy. Also if you two are both in two different places in your life it’s going to be really hard to make things work not impossible but would definitely take a lot of effort. Sounds to me like he wants someone who is childless and has no strings attached. End it before you get too into your feelings and it becomes harder to do so.
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Be adults and talk it out calmly . He may not be aware of your difficulties if you’re not saying anything . Plus maybe you could look at your work and how you do it and see if you can make any changes and free up some time so you can do more together . There are compromises in any relationship , you just have to identify them and work on it .
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Explain your situation.
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Look at it this way. Can you imagine yourself marrying this man and spending the rest of whatever amount of years with him? It’s an emotional, physical and legal take on. If you answered no. I personally would leave.
You can always talk about things but im sure most of us have done that.
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If he can’t be more considerate about your feelings and understand how to meet you in the middle then it’s time to fuck him off and focus on yourself
If you have to ask yourself if it’s time, then it’s time
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Talk to him If he doesn’t give you the answers that you’re looking for then it’s time to step away
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Sounds like you know the answer if you have to ask
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Just tell him what you just said to us
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Maybe call it off for awhile. He may not be the one for you right now.
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So first off you need to talk to this man it sound like you are the one that needs to be honest about being behind and your children or child. Do you spend the night with him where is the child. You aren’t being fair with him. You just need to explain the situation snd issues about starting a relationship with him .
Talk to him and be honest about your situation. If you both agree that your lifestyles are too different then it should be a mutual separation. If he or you decide to keep it going given the circumstances then at least you both already know what to expect.
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Simple stuff here, Child first, then I got bored just reading about your relationship and your asking if we think you should try and make a lifetime of it palatable? PASSION, if you guys had it you wouldnt be asking this question
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Sit him down and tell him your situation. Also you and him can start planning a weekend camping trip now
Communication is key. He is making a judgment of the situation based on his perception. You need to Communicate these things with him and see if you’re on the same page
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I’m a firm believer in if a man isn’t adding to your life, he’s using you. He’s where he wants to be in life, seeing you struggling and isn’t assisting but he’s also criticizing. He sounds stingy. He knows what you’re going through; he wants you to go through it alone.
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First off no matter how long you been with a man I wouldn’t ask them to help you with fixing your car because from experience will hold that against you. I definitely would just focus on yourself and your child(ren) and get your life in order if not for yourself but your child(ren) … you also need to be upfront with him n honest because it seems like he doesn’t even know you got a child tbh.
I would explain your situation to him if you want to try to make it work.
A good relationship shouldn’t be this difficult.
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Everything you just said here needs to be communicated to him
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Nah. You’re good mama. He’s not paying attention to the obvious. Try a conversation- outline your budget in a way he’ll understand. Then- his actions will tell all. He’ll either step in and help you or step out til you have your “sh** in order”
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When you’re on here asking that question.
Talk(not text) face to face…be absolutely honest(most important)
If y’all can’t do that, there’s absolutely no chance he’ll step up, any other time.
Your number one priority is your child, if it isn’t also his, move on.
I had 2 children when I met my husband. It was pretty clear from the beginning, where my kids fit into his life.
We’ve been married 29 yrs.
ps. Also separate bathrooms(also key to longevity 
). 
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Go… see if he finds a way to spend time with you that fits around your needs. If he wants time with you he will figure his shit out
If he’s complaining he doesn’t have a woman because you’re there all the time, why are you even sticking around ? That is such a mean thing to say!
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Honestly. It will just get worse. You need someone on your level. So y’all can build together. But try talking to him. And say what you said here
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Sit down and show him in black and white where you are and what you are needing to do to rectify it, then if he can’t or won’t support and understand it may be time to move on!!!
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Single parents gota make hard choices. I dated a perfect guy but he wanted me to be more available than I could be. It caused issues. Even though I was upfront about it.
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Tell him what you just told us. Be upfront. Maybe if he’s understanding you can plan a small trip together for a little further down the road, when you can have the kids stay with a relative or friend. Sometimes just going out of town to eat, drink, and sleep is fun.
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Tell him your situation an if he dont like it show him his way out.
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I’ll look like the boring bitch any day for my kiddos. All single parents have been where you are Mama. Breathe. The “right” one will not feel so forced and they’ll absolutely understand that parents cannot up and leave for trips or whatever else. That takes MASSIVE planning.
The Wild&Free stage comes later, once your babies no longer need so much of you.
I’d tell him goodbye and work on myself/my kids. Then, when you’re ready to date again, let that man (or woman, idc🤷🏼♀️) know exactly where you’re at in your life.
Best of luck to you, love:hugs:
I’d call it off. He sounds successful and wants a woman to spoil. You sound unmotivated. Doesn’t sound like you are matched well at all.
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Honesty is always best. You’re clearly quite intelligent and responsible and considerate. You can tell by the way you’ve thought out your question. Why not just tell him what you’ve said above?
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I think part of a relationship after some time is that it’s ok if one of you isn’t on the same level as long as you’re trying. You didn’t say if he was supportive of you working to do it on your own, etc. Yes its hard when he wants to do stuff drop of a hat, etc but you’re already over the hurdle of dating and he knows you have kids.
Obviously not knowing the tone of your text. I think it sounds like you’re stuck in your head and need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and if you like the guy and he likes you… then the other shit is just a blip inn your time line.
Communicate with him. That’s what a real relationship is.
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Stop spending nights at his house. Be “busy” —- and no it’s not a game but if you’re constantly with him neither one of you will figure out what’s best for you
He should be understanding
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When there’s nothing left & no desire to keep trying… youre numb… not love or hate… just numb
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When you start asking that question it may be time.
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You gotta figure this out for yourself… I don’t mean that ugly I just mean this is something only you can decide. Have you opened up and talked to him and let him know how you feel, where you are coming from and explain where your head/heart is at?
My mother was in this situation when I was young… the guy didn’t understand, he didn’t have kids or anything to tie him down to an area. He traveled, he had his money and was set. Sadly, my mother made the choice to drop everything, including her kids to just “be free” with him. Make the right choices for all involved.
Just you writing the letter here you need to be on your way and do what i say is find your self and make a life for you and your kid first.When happiness is not there time to move on
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You cant MAKE people be who you want them to be. If it fits it’s right. If hes right he will willingly put you first. Cant force it. When the man fits like the missing part,that’s him.
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Sounds like he just wants someone who wants to have fun. If you want something more serious he isn’t for you
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Ur thinking too much of this you only been talking a couple months lol he’s not for you if he was he would be constantly showing interest
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When I met my husband he was successful, good job, made good money, was independent, etc. I was a newly divorced, single mom who had just left an abusive marriage and had nothing. No money, no job, didn’t have license (my ex stripped me down to nothing).
However, my husband understood and he actually helped me gain all of that. Credit, license, career, job, etc. He HELPED me get to this point. Some need help because some face different challenges.
Tell him the truth. Either he understands and offers help or he doesn’t.
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You could take vacation time if you have any and go but, I’d tell him thats not something you can do anytime you want to.
Are you hiding your financial situation from him? If so then he’s not the one. If you can’t be honest and talk to him about what is really going on in your life then you are not ready for a relationship.
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When you stop looking forward to seeing them after a long day.
Dating before you’re on your feet is never a good idea. I tried that was bad and I was sitting there constantly wondering whats wrong with me. got on my feet held my own started a relationship and almost 2yrs later still a successful relationship. I’d call this one off until you’re where you want to be
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