It’s over already - you don’t trust him - and grown apart - the sooner the better - time in good relationship gets stronger - time in a bad relationship makes enemies, young one.
He shouldn’t go out if he Don t have money to go out and stop paying his phone bill. Just pay yours. Got to draw the line somewhere.
I went through this myself with my daughters father. I spoke to him seriously about it several times over a 2 year period. Needless to say HE never chnaged any of it, he actually got worse. Once i got him out I felt SO MUCH BETTER!!! If he doesn’t care, hes not all of the sidden going to start. You dont need a child to take care of, and if he cant be your partner then get rid of him. You deserve to be happy.
You are paying your own bills. You don’t need him to make it. YOU have all control. I know it’s hard dear. I have been there. He is using you. Get rid of him and don’t go back. He will beg and he knows your buttons. Stay strong and don’t fall for him saying he will change. He won’t. You have the right to decide if you want him as well.
4 Likes
Talk to a lawyer & a accountant.
2 Likes
He sounds like a lazy POC not working are you kidding me, that house should be spotless and meals cooked for you! Go get you a guy that will be an equal not a sucker fish, living off of you!
Tell him how your feeling set realistic goals like him working and contributing to the household bills and if can’t happen than I’d walk away. A relationship is a two way street not one. If your gut is telling you he’s cheating on you than your probably right. Good luck I wish the best outcome
Pack him up and ask him to leave. If he won’t, then pack YOU up and you leave. Be sure to consult with your Landlord first and ask that your name be taken off the lease.
1 Like
Drop him
Can’t stand the kids today who supposed to be men but don’t work
3 Likes
Pack all his clothes and tell him goodbye,he is USING YOU! You need to find someone who will treat you like a Princess and get a Christian man
Pack his sh**, give him a boot in the a** out the door, and move on. He is doing what a lot of immature guys do…make promises early on with no intention of fulfilling them. He is using you because you are ALLOWING it. Grow a backbone, realize YOU are worth more than he is giving the relationship.
1 Like
Kick his a…s out now
1 Like
Talk to rental agency to get his name off lease . You work he doesn’t. That’s not fair to you . You deserve to be happy .
1 Like
The minute he brought nothing to the table was the time is should have ended.
2 Likes
Leave the sorry asshole .don’t be so stupid
I would say See you later boo.good luck w life.
1 Like
Find someone who matches your energy, your drive, your goals, and is willing to be 50/50 in the work & finances for what you upkeep together.
Unfortunately it takes a very long time to grow someone out of the current habits your partner is displaying and that may be his path, he may not match the life you want and seek.
Best of luck.
1 Like
He won’t change. He doesn’t respect you or care for you or he’d be a man for you. Real men that care about you do whatever it takes to make you happy and not lose you. You deserve to be valued.
2 Likes
Kick him to the curb
You already know the answer.
If he isn’t making you happy and open to making your relationship work it’s probably time to look at an ultimatum.
Don’t waste time on some one that probably won’t change.
I think your inner voice is telling you something, reading your post
2 Likes
What’s to love? Sounds like a lazy freeloader. Step back and pretend what you live with on a daily basis is happening to your bestie. What would you tell her? Now, do it. Do not look back.
3 Likes
You deserve better !If he’s doing nothing you’re doing it all ?You know the answer !Get him off the lease he’s def taking advantage of you !
1 Like
Run. So many red flags. You have more to offer than him. He has shown you who he is.
Why is she even asking the question?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship?re
1 Like
Just talk to him face to face about it…how you feel…
5 Likes
It sounds like you already know the answer. You’ve separated once over the same issue. He has not changed. What kind of grown adult can’t pack their own lunch?
14 Likes
It only gets harder from here for you unless HE himself wants to change.
9 Likes
Go to counselling together they can then mediate …
2 Likes
I personally, would sit down together and have a real open heart to heart about absolutely everything you both have issues/worries about/with. Communication is key! If after you’ve both spoken together and you can’t make a resolve then go your separate ways. At least you can say you spoke it all out and tried?
Sit and talk together 
xx
2 Likes
Therapy. These days, therapists are available online almost 24/7.
Is this the reason u separated before? What do u mean by grown kid? Like you were the only one working, he want cleaning?
1 Like
You have to pick a time when you can calmly tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t want to hear you out, or doesn’t want to change anything, then you pretty well know where you stand.
2 Likes
Talk!! He has to commit change and help you…you’re a team…if it doesn’t change…say your goodbye…
2 Likes
I would divorce he isn’t going to change bc doesn’t sound like he wants to communicate to change things
1 Like
This is really sad for several reasons, one being the kids who are without their parents till 8 pm. Someone needs to find a different job with a better schedule. And stop making your husband’s lunch if you have too much on your plate tell him he needs to help more.
14 Likes
You need to think about the kids and your family. Sit down and talk to the person you said I do to- ya know through good and bad- poor health or wealth. Seriously, getting burned out and being frustrated is natural but ending a marriage is a different story. You have kids together and they deserve for you BOTH to act like adults and work this out. Good luck. Counseling and personal hobbies do wonders!
6 Likes
Sounds like he just uses you as a maid not wife , he needs to pick up the slack. Or kick his ass out.
When you’ve woken up to the nonsense you can’t unsee it. You’re either going to have to tell him you’re not doing it anymore. Car time or not he should be able to take care of himself. Throw a meal in the microwave or something to warm it. It’s not hard and you’re doing it quite well he can at least take care of himself. Problem is you could tell him and he would change for maybe a month but will he just go back to his normal pattern? Mine always went back to his normal pattern. It’s exhausting. But it’s worth a try and give him the benefit of the doubt.
3 Likes
Tell him that. Not face book
When you ask this it’s time to leave.
3 Likes
Honestly- I only read your first sentence and can already answer your question and think you can too. If you’re even asking this, it’s time.
2 Likes
You need to go to couples counseling.
You need to assign your teenagers chores so it’s not on you. (I’m assuming your kids are older where you’re not mentioning daycare - families need to work together)
You need to communicate better.
The one thing I will say when reading this is you love your job and don’t want to leave but you resent him for loving his job too. That’s not very fair, but I also understand resenting someone who does their time at work then checking out.
5 Likes
Honestly I wouldn’t have let it go on that long and would’ve thrown the whole man away and start over. When they’re truly invested in the relationship, you don’t have to ask for help.
1 Like
Most people don’t change. In my case it didn’t get any easier. I have tried to do everything under the sun. Communication, face to face talk, he refused marriage counseling, and I tried to come to some agreement. He literally didn’t seem to care. I filed for divorce this past week. It was so hard but I just can’t anymore.
3 Likes
These working hours aren’t sustainable for either of you for any length of time. I’m not sure how old the kids are but they’re not seeing either of you all that much. I think it’s time to sit down and decide who’s gonna work what hours, who’s gonna do what jobs and chores in the house, bills etc. divide and conquer. Maybe there’s a counselor in your town that you can reach out to to help you take decisions on who’s going to do what if you’re both going to continue to work these hours. Best of luck.
9 Likes
If you ever have expressed to him how you felt about this one time and it didn’t change he’s using you. He heard you he sees how frustrated you get how overwhelmed you are. We need to stop thinking men are dumb. They aren’t. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He just doesn’t care because you keep taking it. Your happiness and peace needs to mean more to you than his. Trust me. Leave.
2 Likes
Make his lunch? A good place to stop.
8 Likes
Sounds like both of you are letting your jobs ruin your family. Yes we need to work to survive but don’t let your jobs control your lives where you never have time for each other or your kids. Money doesn’t create happiness. You should be having date nights and family days. At this point sounds like you’re just room mates. If your jobs and hours are so far and so long what’s the point? I’d find a job closer to home or less hours or maybe start your own business, even together. If there’s love there’s a way… if you don’t love each other don’t even want each other then that’s no a good sign. Good luck.
2 Likes
Did it take 6 or 7 yrs for this to finally get to you? That’s a long time to just not say something. In his eyes your okay with it. Do you ask for help? Or just do it yourself? Seems money is more important then your family. Yes it may be a great paying job. But at what cost?
2 Likes
Who feeds the children if both parents are working till mid evening to late at times?
Perhaps the oldest child not adult child can do washing up help with the smaller children stack dishwasher switch on unpack and dry when finished everyone needs a roster especially if man child will be shown the exit of the house!
So are you not separated?
I dont know how old the kids are, do they or can they do chores? Maybe hire a house cleaner once a week, let him know since he cant help out it’s too much for one parent to do all.
Who is watching the children and putting dinner on the table and bonding with them?
3 Likes
As I was taught “when I’m doubt, throw it out”
1 Like
It’s been said…talk, be honest and revisit family priorities. Kids may be self sufficient but they would benefit from someone home for a few more hours . If that doesn’t work, you can live alone, do all the same stuff minus the resentment.
1 Like
Do what you think is best
…well, you knew what you were in for. So why are you complaining?
I hate the mindset that men think that they don’t have to help out with the kids in the house after working all day, cause we do it. If I was you I would stop washing his clothes and stuff. So If he wants clean clothes he will have to do it himself. 
2 Likes
Tell him you need him to help out… make his own lunches and write a list of small chores. Just leave a note. Say “trying mybest…but could use your help w these things weekly”. Small things like do your own laundry-pack own lunches-arrange a datenight once a month. Etc.etc. if we dont ask or tell them they assume were happy. N tbh…once u start making lunches n doin everything for them. Its hard for them to step up unless told…in a respecful way of course ! 
tell him you feel more like a mother n not like his partner.
2 Likes
You both made choices to work where you do. You expect him to work at a job where he is not happy, yet you can work at a job where you are happy? News flash, it’s not all about you. Talk to your husband. If neither of you are willing to compromise, separate. You both need to be happy.
2 Likes
Honestly, you’re crapping on him for taking a job far away with crazy hours and you’ve done the same thing. It sounds like you’re both to blame in this. He may be lazy, but you’re enabling it by continuing to do things. You need to be there for your kids, both of you. I’d be rethinking family dynamics.
2 Likes
I dont understand why it’s ok for you to be home late and travel for work but not him? I can see being angry that he doesn’t help out with the kids. I work 2am-10am and my fiance does 10am-7pm. He puts the kids to bed everynight, I make sure they are feed and showered beforehand. It’s about teamwork. Have you expressed how you feel with him not helping out at home?
1 Like
Above all that I feel for the kids who are without BOTH parents from sun up to sundown. NO job should more important, not yours and not his. 45 mins isn’t really a commute to me as I live outside of Atlanta and that’s normal here. 
he most definitely needs to find something closer to home.
You both sounds like very busy people. And you’ve lost your connection together. Marriage counseling first, and lay all your thoughts down on the line. If you still feel he doesn’t care enough to listen and/or help, you’ll know you’ve tried everything. Best of luck. 
3 Likes
Same girl, same. Just had this exact talk with my other last night. Told him, I’m not his mom, nore will i ever be, i clean up after all and no help. I shoukd just get milk maid tatted on my head. He ither needs to stepnuo to the plate or we NEED to split. There’s no compromise anymore. If i wanted to be a single parent i would of sone just that, NOT stay. But i feel i am anyway, so why not be one. So told him WE have a mo th to figure this shit out, or we can’t be together anymore, and he can have the kids when he wants them, end of story. My physical and mental health is more important then a sluggish relationship. End of story. Hope this helps, good luck
Like labor when YOU KNOW…. You know!
Marriage is hard work.
1 Like
I think you both have way different priorities and expectations. I have been there and it doesn’t ever change or get better in your favor. It doesn’t sound like you need him really. I mean you could get better help elsewhere, like hired help. Both Your work hours are unbalanced for a family with children. If neither of you is willing to compromise then something else has to be adjusted in order to still meet the needs of your family. This lifestyle is not sustainable or healthy for anyone let alone the kids longterm. Supporting the love of a family members career is showing love for that person. But when that person doesn’t show appreciation in some other area of your life it creates an Imbalance.
I’ve been there done that It’s really hard
How much time do either or you spend with your children?? They are the ones missing out!
12 Likes
You both need to make time and your family and marriage a priority again. Maybe you can make a schedule for housework. Definitely sounds like you could benefit from marriage counseling together and you need to think together of a better way to make it work.
Sometimes new tools and strategies could help. But nothing will help if both parties don’t put in the time and effort and reevaluate how things are going.
2 Likes
If you already resent him, you know what you’re going to do.
6 Likes
I woukd leave. That’s crazy and unnecessary. I’d tell him he needs to help or you will do it all yourself minus him
1 Like
Do what I did, I reached out to my husband and asked him to help out more with ‘our’ children (we have 2 girls together) I also have another 3 from a previous marriage but he was desperate to be a father to his own. I did absolutely everything for all of the children, all the house work and ran my own cleaning business during school hours. He did nothing besides work and sit on a ride on lawn mower once a fortnight. He told the kids to shhhh each time they were being kids and sat in our bedroom watching tv or out in the carport drinking all hours that he was home or just slept. He came home the next day and told me that he understands what I am saying and I am right, he would start helping out more around the house with dishes and washing and playing with his children so that I can tend to the older ones with their homework and get dinner done BUT I had to pay half the bills if he was helping around the house 
yep he said that although he earned $120,000 a year and myself 35-40,000. I gave him the house key and told him to shove his house and life up his arse. Never looked back and thank my lucky stars I got the eff out 
1 Like
If you have to ask, it’s probably time to part ways. In the mean time, stop doing for everyone else. He’s a grown man. Let him pack his own lunch. If you’re both gone for work that much, I’m assuming your kids are older. If they are, give them some responsibility around the house with chores, to help you out. If they’re younger, then just worry about focusing on you and them and let him fend for himself. No grown man should be married to a woman who has to mother them. If he wants a mother, tell him to go live with his and let her take care of him.
3 Likes
Stop making lunch, hire a house cleaner and go to counseling.
But I have to ask… who is raising the children? Eating dinner with them and helping them with school work?
3 Likes
Y’all need a chore chart…
3 Likes
You’re the only one that can answer that question. It’s hard, yes.
Men don’t change, make a choice and go with it. Life’s too short to be miserable.
3 Likes
It sounds like you just need to sit down & have a talk about what’s best for your family.
Right now I see both parents working really long hours, so you probably don’t get to really see your kids during the week. Perhaps reassessing jobs for both of you might be a good idea.
As far as the lack of help goes, all you can do is stress that you need help, & you shouldn’t have to be the only one doing it. You both work hard, & you guys are teammates. 
Just communicate.
1 Like
I think it’s time to pack it up. I think you already know it too.
I would be more concerned about the fact that nobody spends any time with those poor children. You both leave early, are gone all day and night and then get home just to put the kids to bed. That’s sick. Maybe you should stop worrying about the petty bullshit with your husband and start figuring out how you both can be better parents with a greater presence in your children’s lives before it’s too late.
Maybe just communicate that you guys both work and should share all of the house responsibilities regardless of your schedule you both are still responsible for your home
1 Like
If you have to ask you already know it’s time to leave and part ways
Heck I know what you mean. I do all that but minus a working husband mine runs the roads and sits watches tv he may let 2 of our 6 dogs out to potty the others are either in their crates one is with me.Thand GOD they dont do the dirty in their crates they may have a accident every once in awhile if I am longer then usual getting home but guess who has to clean it up… ME…
He sounds like a brat!
If you’re doing it alone in a sense already then it is better to just go to be honest
It sounds like you both have one foot out the door. Neither of you sound very invested in the relationship.
I pity your children.
Who cares for them?
Who do eat dinner with?
Who goes over their homework with them?
Who attends school functions with them?
How are they involved in any after school activities if mom and dad are not around to give rides to and from?
Perhaps a divorce is in the cards.
You could try counseling as one last try to resolve your issues as a married couple with children.
Or use therapy to decide on the division of custody of the children and form an effective co-parenting relationship.
His changing jobs I think is his right.
He has the right to job he enjoys just as you do.
If he doesn’t mind the commute, why should you?
Also get some help for the household chores, make a chore chart, everyone does some chores, kids, you, and hubby. And hire someone for weekly or monthly for the big heavy cleaning.
I wish you all well, especially the kids.
3 Likes
You’re doing too much…let Him do his lunch…let the kids help…but keep communicating…
You know when its time to go. Actually doing it is the hard part. Sending love and strength.
Quit taking care of him. He can make his own lunch
He needs to do shit. Make his own damn lunch, do dishes etc
If u having to ask then its time to leave
Join the club. I don’t have the schedule you have but same situation in general. His choice for said job did it come with a pay increase then guess what if it did it’s not a choice it was a financial decision to provide more for you an kids. A novel idea would be to do that thing called communication and oh i dont know maybe speak up an say hey we need to change some things bc this is getting to be much on me an I need help. Did you ever stop to think that maybe you do it all bc you have to have it a certain way or that maybe he doesn’t realize you’re feeling exhausted or maybe he thinks he is giving you time with the kids by letting you put them to bed so you actually see them before the nights end. Maybe have a conversation with the man before you just decide that you just can’t be bothered to the simplest thing and communicate with your own husband instead of throwing away your family without trying to correct the problem first.
Try communicating with him again explain it is having an impact on your relationship. And you absolutely need the help.
1 Like
Put your walking shoes on girl. Or throw him out
1 Like
Maybe talk to him about moving closer to the job that pays better. And if that is too far away from the person job that doesn’t then maybe that person needs to get a different job. Gas is too high to be driving that far anyway
2 Likes
even without reading this, If you thought about it, it is time
2 Likes