I don’t know exactly how this feels, because I didn’t have kids until I was almost 30, but I was in a relationship with someone for 8 years and when we first started dating we talked about never having kids. Towards the end of our relationship my feelings changed. We had already been kind of growing apart, but what finally sealed the deal of breaking up was when I mentioned having kids and he said he still didn’t want any. Needless to say, we broke up and then I met my fiancé and we had two beautiful girls together. It happened very fast too. We began dating and 3 months later we were pregnant with our first. Sadly we lost her, but I was pregnant again 3 months after that. And now I have a crazy 2 year old and a 11 month old. I guess my point is, is that you should be with someone that is willing to grow with you and don’t waste your time with someone that won’t.
So many of these questions are just people who need to be told “yes, do what you know you want to do it’s fine”.
If you’re asking it’s time to go
If your going to hold it against him then go. Go expose yourself kids to another man who you will begin having sex with right away. It will become your new obsession.
To ignore your own feelings, it will have you feeling resentful. To ignore his feelings and have him agree to one more will most likely have him feel resentment towards you or the situation.
He is being as honest as possible by telling you that he doesn’t want any more children so now you and only you can decide what you can live with.
Like others have said, “if you are coming here to ask, you already have your answer.”
Personally, I wouldn’t leave a relationship for these reasons. I would try to accept it and make the best of what I have in my life at this moment.
You may never find what you are looking for and you can’t always get back what you walk away from.
To those saying he lied and that he can’t be trusted….just 
People change their mind. Would it be better for him to say “Sure babe! Let’s have another child because I agreed to talk about more children 3 years ago!” Rather than being honest and saying “I realize that the option was on the table at one point but it’s really not something I want anymore…”
I mean, how do we know this person (the anonymous poster) is giving every detail or that there isn’t another reason for him changing his mind? Maybe he wants an “out” and this is his way of getting it and also keeping himself from agreeing to father a child he doesn’t want or feel is right for him and where he is in life. I think it’s better to admit that than just going along with it.
He knew it was something important to you and lied to keep you around. You have to leave. Even if he was being sincere and thought he would have more kids at one point, if it’s a deal breaker for you then you have to leave. You’ll regret it and resent him.
If you stay and he doesn’t change his mind and you don’t have anymore kids you will resent him=poison for a relationship and Vice versa if he gives you a kid just to please you or keep you. If you are questioning your relationship now, at only two/three years in…that’s a red flag for later on. in my opinion only
You can love this person with all your heart, but if you don’t have the same goals, I don’t think it’s worth it (but that’s just me). Having kids is a huge deal. It changes your life, you should know. You already said it was a deal breaker. Things like buying cars or where to live, I feel like people can come to a compromise. But not this. Some people want kids and some people don’t. And if anyone feels forced to have kids, they’ll end up resenting you.
Follow your gut instinct.
Ur not going 2 easily change either of ur minds. If he doesn’t want anymore u can’t force him if u want more and ur hearts set on it then I wouldn’t stay I’d be going where someone else is on the same page. U just need 2 sit and think if u really love him is it really a deal breaker and ul be miserable without another baby or are u going 2 be absolutely miserable without him. U really more 2 the point answered ur own question if it’s a deal breakers u said.
Why waste your time/happiness with someone that is not on the same page. Everything happens for a reason and believe me, there’s someone out there who has the same dreams as yours, don’t waste your time, you will regret it later, life is so short. Best of luck
My husband did this. We had our first and he changed his mind. Three years later hes on with trying for a second. But being a man and being a provider and responsible is scary and stressful. Starting over with a baby is scary and stressful. Maybe asking him why and have the conversation of what changed 
. And then yes you need to either leave. Put it on the back burner and hope time will change his mind in favor of another. But its easy to become resentful and anger. Hes allowed to change his mind and so are you. But you only get one life to chase your dreams. Have the conversation and go from there. Best you can do.
There’s a lot of things going on here you have two kids already n he has one kid already if youre stuck on this one aspect of the relationship you’re missing the rest of it Communicate to him how this topic makes you feel and have him explain to you why you’re not having kids and his answer isn’t enough then leave
That is an awful thing to go through. My friend married q guy with 2 kids and he promised to go to fertility after they got married and guess what! They are married and he refuses to have any more kids
If you have to ask that question you already know the answer. You will always be wondering about it throughout your life. As someone who couldn’t have children, if you can , and you clearly love being Mum, chase your dream. You were always honest from the start and sounds like he was bull shitting you from the start in hope you would change your mind. Love is great in a relationship but Trust is the most important. What else has he lied to you about? Good luck with what you decide to do, I hope your fulfil your wishes x
To have or not have kids is definitely a deal-breaker. If you stay, you’ll become resentful over time.
One only has so much time to be a parent.
Better to make hard choices now, knowing your core values are not being compromised, than live with regret after your ability to have a choice is gone. Speaking from experience…
Who laughed like some thing was fucking funny
If you are asking, it’s time. If it’s a deal breaker and his desire is something else, it’s time. Bad news don’t get better with age.
Is it your biological clock ticking that makes you feel this way? I too longed for a 3rd child, but knew the 2 i had were enough. Were you just longing for your bf and you to have one together? If the relationship is good. Focus on it and the things you can do at the last minute as your kids age. You are single, then a couple with others, then you have kids and everything is family oriented. Finally the kids are old enough to stay alone and you can go back to being a couple with no babysitter problems. Finally if you are lucky, you become empty nesters together.
All of these comments, LEAVE. That’s why y’all have 5 kids with 5 baby daddies.
We split last week after a heated argument and then assaulted our 2 year old so hes been charged. I regret it now looking back that I wasted 5 years trying to make something work that was never ment to be. I should of left years ago and never looked back but I tried to stay and make it work because we had kids. So dont waste ur life away we all deserve happiness and to be respected.
To be honest, if he is good with you and with everything else other than not granting you the wish for another child, perhaps he sees and love your 2 children as his own as well, which is the best thing can happen. I have 2 kids of my abusive ex and I wished I could have had a child from my lovely fiancé, but he didn’t want have kids, still doesn’t, and he sees mine as his own as they were very young when we met. 5 years on, I respected his wish, and I think it was the best for all of us (including the children). Now we’re growing old and looking forward to enjoy a life with 2 grown up children soon. A soulmate is very hard to find, so I wouldn’t give up on him because of that. At the end of the day you are a mum already and know what is like. And he is a father already and know what is like. Having children with someone you really love is the ideal situation, but having your children loved by someone you love is even better (both ways). Just my opinion… Another thing is: even though we want our loving relationship to last forever, we never know what life will throw up on us. Life change, people change, we change over time…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship? - Mamas Uncut
Don’t walk away, run!!!
Read your story. You have been supporting him and basically still are. Take his name off everything. Keep the house he leaves.
He’s gaslighting you on the way you feel. And if you have to ask. It’s time. You and your babies deserve better. It’s gonna be hard. You are gonna struggle. But mamas have been making it on their own for centuries. You’ve got this. Do what you feel in your heart is the best
Honey, he’s a boy not a man, run far and fast.
I would get out now. There are lots of programs and charities that specifically help pregnant moms, moms with new borns.
No he needs to go immediately 
why would you leave your own house??
Please pray about this. I can’t imagine how tired you are. God will give you strength to stay or go. Just ask him.
I was in the same situation and left with my 4 kids and it was hard at first but it was the best decision I ever made. My blessings just keep coming once I eliminated the toxicity from my life. He’ll never change, I can promise you that. He’ll just find someone who’ll tolerate it until they won’t and on and on. That’ll be his life. Doesn’t have to be yours 
I would tell him he’s going for some kind of help or your leaving. He’s being very selfish and should appreciate everything you done for him the last 10 years, he took advantage of you and honestly I would feel like he just lived off me. Things have a way of working themselves out and if you really think it’s time to leave than I would do it. I would apply for assistance until I could get on my feet and work myself but there would be no way to deal with him. He sounds like he manipulates you by telling you it’s your hormones instead of seeing he has a problem. If he gets direct deposit I would be at the bank every week bright and early to take some money out
Move in with Mom or go to a shelter. He will take/sell everything you get.
I have been in your shoes. I was preggo with my second. Thought it best to get out. But had a difficult pregnancy. And he cut off all my family. I had no one but him. I wish I would have ran far. We tried therapy. It didn’t work. We last three years after child was born. It was absolute hell. My mental health took a serious hit. I think you have already made your decision. Have faith. Believe in yourself. Rely on any and all support systems. And run. Your children need you to make the tough decisions. This is the hardest but the rewards are worth it…
Are you with my ex ? I left it was hard but the best thing I’ve ever done because he will just bring you down and drain you financially
It will not change until his behaviors change, if he doesn’t get help you have no choice but split
Take him off your checking/savings account, to where he has no accessibility. If he’s not on the lease or deed, kick him out. He’s is toxic and narcissistic.
You do know what to do! Stop watering a dead tree. You and ur children deserve a man not a walking lazy drunk. Good luck
You are too responsible for a loser. Leave, it will be very tough for a few years but you will give your kids and yourself a better life
Yeah he has kids that he should be supporting all along you may need to call social services for help and for gods sake get him off your accounts
I hope he’s not babysitting for you while you work…
Move on, without him.
Never threaten to leave unless you’ll follow thru.
But, I would make sure he has ZERO access to any of the money. Period. You do not owe him an allowance.
As in, hit the bank tomrw and either get him off the acct or open one for JUST YOU. Then, go talk to social services about temporary disability, food stamps, WIC, etc. You’re not married.
Personally, he’d have to go. Once he drained the money, he’d be gone. But I get it.
However, is this the relationship you want your children to think is healthy? 
You’re not doing this to them… Your doing it for them. 
You asked the internet how do you know it’s time. Means it’s time.
This breaks my heart.i see too many familys like this, where the man continues to act like a child and the woman has to be responsible for everything while he continues to drag them down. I pray you have family members who can step up and help you stay on your feet, without him.to me it wouldnt even hurt for his parents to help you financically if they are able.
Fuck him off, sell your house buy a smaller one and raise your kids. He ain’t gonna provide for your kids or you.
If it’s your home, put his ass gone. Keep your house, file for assistance & temporary disability. Get your mom to help if she can with the kids. Put him on child support.
It sounds to me like you already know what you need to do honey! Best wishes!
If you haven’t learned after 10 years of allowing and enabling this extra child because he is not a man then you wont ever learn. You already know what you should and need to do. You don’t need anyone else telling you because it wont do any good. You have to be the one to put a stop to everything going on.
You’ve showed him what you’ll tolerate and he’s never going to fix any of it until you put your foot down and leave. He’ll either get better and prove himself or he simply won’t. I’d be making him leave though. You’re going to have 4 kids to take care of.
I honestly would open a 3rd bank account but don’t get a debit card to go with it and only go into the bank when u need money and make sure not to tell him there’s another bank account and do not let him have any sort of access to it whatsoever.
Sound just like the father of my first child. I dealt with so much BS from him and I tried to make it work but as much as everyone told me to leave him and I’m better off I didn’t leave him until I was ready and tired of him not contributing anything and spending all my money. And I am so glad I did because now I have a wonderful Fiancé who is such a good supporter and is such an amazing man. So there is better out there, you just have to take the first step and leave him as hard and scary as that can be. Good luck momma!!!
10 yrs? Honey you know what you have to do for your sake an the kids so do it.
There’s alot of great advice and all true. Good luck sweetheart. But please get him off your account and if he won’t change you must for your kids and your self
Got rid of him. 10yrs A
Ago.
Girl, I feel for you so much. I had two children with my ex who is an alcoholic, drug addict, and worst of all gambling addict. He was so extremely verbally abusive and at times physically abusive. I ended up with a black eye at 6 months pregnant from him… I can sit here and tell yoi about things he did all day long and how horrible he treated me, but I’ll make the story short. 2 years ago I finally got up the strength to leave him even though I loved him so much and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I can’t tell you how much my life has improved since then. I finally can focus on myself, I have more money now by myself than I did with him when both of us were working because he was constantly wasting his whole check on gambling and drugs and left me to pick up both of our bills. Up until covid hit and I lost my job of 8 years as a general manager, I was able to maintain a three bedroom two bathroom house for my children and I on my own with no child support. Even though I had to give up my home because of that situation, I am still so proud of how far I’ve come since I left him. I’ve lost 52 lb, I’m feeling great about myself, my children are happy because they don’t see their mom being constantly verbally abused and crying. leave because he’s never going to get better if he hasn’t already. The fact that you’ve been dealing with this for years tells me that he has the mindset that you are not going to leave no matter how far he pushes you so he has no real reason to get better. If you don’t want to just completely in the relationship, then you need to at least leave him for the time being and tell him that you need to take a break. He needs to take this time to work on himself, go to rehab, and get a stable job to where he can be responsible with his money and support you and the children before you would even consider going back to him. If you are able to move back in with your parents, there is no shame in doing that in this situation. Do what you have to do for you and those babies. But I can tell you right now that staying in that situation is nothing but toxic for you, your children, your unborn babies, and it’s just going to get worse and worse until you finally say enough is enough. Let enough be now. Don’t let enough be after another child or two, after you’ve lost all of yourself worth, after he’s dug you so deep in debt that you are drowning. Do it now. It might be hard but you can do it Mama!
Get him off of your accounts immediately to start bad just worry about getting through this pregnancy and delivery and when the babies come take the tome to heal and when it is tome go back to work and build your savings ,your not married so if the hiuse is in your name and your name only kick him out put him in child support and stay strong mama ! It is a lot harder to do then but if you want whats best for you and your babes you can and will do it !!
I’m not going to tell YOU what to do. I will tell you what I would. First as soon as possible, remove him off all my banking accounts. Second he would be leaving, especially if it was my house. He would go to work, come home to his things packed in front of the door and the locks changed. (Giving him a heads up gives him the chance to get out of it)
Sounds like an enabled a pos. Stop breeding with him… Stop funding him. And if his attitude has changed once monies are in his pocket and control… Ditch the loser and add up the child support…
Kick him out or leave. He knows he needs to change but knows you won’t do anything so why would he change. Things aren’t going to get better unless you make the change.
If you were reading this from another person, you. KNOW what you would tell her. Leave, it will get no better.
It’s time to end a relationship when you are questioning ending it
Save money in ur own account then do what ur heart feels n do what’s best for u n ur babies
You know in your heart you need to leave him.
Girl sounds like same situation I was in years ago …I had 2 kids…not his, then got pregnant with twins, his… I was blessed to be able to work the whole time carrying them…and having a good support system…All he wanted to do was gamble and blow what money he would get…keeping a roof over our heads fell on me…I kept hoping he would change but never did…finally after 13 years I left and never looked back…Hoping you find the resources to help you get rid of the excess baggage:heart:
He’s just telling you what he thinks he needs to in order for you to keep the relationship going. He’s gaslighting 
And using you. Kick him out.
If you’re asking yourself that question, the answer is pretty clear.
End it now… He never going change and grow up be a man and father. He immature jerk just using you both sex and money he don’t deserve and have no business being a father.
Off the accounts if his been like this all the time why would you get pregnant again kick him out I know you have children but he will never change
Sounds like you’re about to have 5 kids.
One with a beard. (Just sayin)
Comin from a single Mom, I can tell ya, it’s hard, but I refuse to "support/take care of ANY “grown” man.
Out.
Your kids come first, no matter what.
He is an addict. You need to leave bc he obviously doesn’t care for you or the kids right now.
I would have kicked his butt to the curb at no job.
Put your foot down. Tell him flat out your leaving or he is to stop drinking. Them him a choice. Love must be tough! Tough love is the best type believe me or not. You have let him get away with too much for far too long! It’s time to change things or get raid of him. Since the house is yours you maybe able to kick him out? Maybe move a sibling or friend in to help? And IF worse comes to it, Selling the house now is better than taking care of an adult baby the rest of your life.
I’m sorry, and not to be rude, but I can’t comprehend why you would let yourself get pregnant with this dude after your description of him and your relationship.
You already know the answer. Kick him to the curb. You’re supporting 5 kids the 2 you have, the 2 in your belly and him. He will not change as you’re his enabler.
He won’t change unless you & the kids are out of his life…he won’t learn to grow up and mature until he starts struggling on his own.
I’m sorry you are being taken advantage of. Keep strong for your babies.
Well…how about a list…lazy, useless, using you child - making children. He is a drunk and you are paying for it. He is addicted to gambling and you are paying for it. He is a sneak, a thief and a liar. How did he get into both of your accounts??? If his name is on anything that involves your finances…get it OFF NOW!!! Is the house just in your name or both? Both, you will have to buy his half out to sell it. Tell him straight out it’s HIS TURN TO SUPPORT HIS FAMILY…he needs counseling and rehab to get himself right.
Why does he have access to your bank/other accounts? Open a new one ASAP (maybe at another bank) in your name only and put as many assets in there as possible.
Think what you get from him. Sex? Companionship? Someone to call 911 if something happens? Babysitting by a drunk gambler? Because that’s all I can think of. You’re already doing it all on your own. Very little upside to keeping him around.
Kick him out and get a responsible roommate to help with expenses and to have someone to be there with the kids so you can shower or run errands. Maybe exchange housing for free daycare; 4 kids is super expensive until they hit school, and even then it’s a lot.
Start researching what benefits/resources are available to you. At least you are not married so that might make things somewhat easier. Get a consult from a lawyer or two. I think he’s not likely to put up a fight if he’s largely useless and broke, so you can do it on the cheap.
Sadly with his habits I wonder how long he can hold down a job to pay child support, but maybe without your supplying him with a place to live he’ll have an incentive to keep working. Thankfully you can garnish his wages before he gets his paycheck.
I’m confident you can do this and thrive, but expand your network of friends and other potential caregivers, as you’ll need all the help you can get with twins + 2. Work friends, mom groups, church people/programs, folks on this forum who live close by, responsible teenagers and retired seniors who live kids & have some credentials/certifications. Any other relatives besides your mom you can tap?
Get on birth control ASAP, or stay celibate—no cheating—so you don’t wind up with more kids to support while you’re struggling.
Good luck, congratulations on twins,
Drop the husband and run honey! It is never too late to pull yourself out of a bad situation. Get child support and move on.
Run mumma… Kick him out its just that simple… Apart from taking the trash out you are doing it on your own anyways. Maybe this will make him take some actions to improve himself… I am not sure where u are but surely you would budget and manage better yourself on welfare since he raids your fiances anyway? U deserve alot more. Kick him out and move on until he appreciates you. I doubt you will want him back when he comes crawling. Get in touch with local support networks. Good luck
Girl, listen.
If he wanted to change, he would. If he wanted help, he would get it.
My ex was an alcoholic. Med were together 7 years, had 2 kids together( we each had one from previous marriages).
He went to jail multiple times for DUI.
I even moved away from home with him, TWICE( to 2 different states!) because he promised me he would change.
He worked and I stayed home with the kids because that’s how he wanted it.
But it never was different. Same shit, different states.
The final time I left ( because I had left multiple times before), I called my parents and they sent me money to get myself and the kids home with.
I left and didn’t look back, finally.
Best thing I ever did.
You will never be able to love him enough to make him be the man you want him to be.
If he doesn’t want to be better, he won’t.
You can do it on your own.
Will be hard as hell? Absolutely.
But is it doable?
Absolutely.
u not married just take these red flags into consideration
This isn’t just about you, it’s about your 4 children. You need all of your energy to go to yourself and to them to be healthy. Make him leave and you will figure out things for yourself and your children.
Its time…i didn’t even finish reading this and I know its time.
Wow what a complicated situation. My fitst instinct is to kick him out. He will not be any help to you. There are alot of government agencies that will help you and your babies. Good luck
If you want you can PM me, not exactly, but similar experiences and maybe I can lend some insight.
I hate to say it, but give him an ultimatum. I did this with my now husband 13 YEARS ago. I was the only one working, he was supposed to be taking care of our boys & our home. I’d get home from work to a disaster area for a house & dirty kids. I’ll never forget, I was working 60 hours a week. Came home, he was on the playstation & my youngest was mess as was our apartment. I quietly walked in, cleaned my kid up. Sat down, told him he has 30 days to have a job. If not, the boys & I were moving in with my mom. I cleaned and went to bed. Something clicked, he had a job in 3 weeks and we’ve been married 11 yrs this September. If he truly wants to be with you, he’ll get his sh*t together and grow up.
I think you have already answered this. You deserve better and to be with a man who can support you and help take stress away not add additional stress to you. Take care of yourself and good luck mama
You need to get this guy outta your life!! He’s sucking you dry and living off you! You deserve better!! Your kids deserve better. If he’s drinking and gambling all the time I don’t know how it’s been okay for him to be a stay at home dad!! How has he even been able to look after the kids!!
You need to get his friends and family members and conduct an INTERVENTION, if you are not familiar with this loved ones tell him that his drinking is destroying his family and they can no longer tolerate it. The person who leads it will have set it up with a rehab for him to go in then and there. If he refuses you gave him a chance and he blew it do what you must. The goal being he enters rehab and returns conducting himself as a responsible husband and father no longer using alcohol.
If hes not helping you and just causing you more stress there’s no point of him being there. If hes gambling spending all the money are bill’s even getting paid? If not why is he even there? If you’re having to figure it out or use your savings then he really serves no purpose except stress. Are there any programs in your state that can help? Churches, salvation army, DSS? I honestly would do anything to get rid of this guy, sounds like a bum.
I think you already know the answer. Yes it will be a struggle, but you will survive. You owe it to yourself and your babies to live your best life and provide the best life for them. The person described is not a role
model for your kids and is not a support system for you.
Twins are alot of work, wish you would of waited since you knew he drank and gambled…
Take away access to any accounts of value. Prepare to put him on child support. Seek help from trusted family/friend who can help you get situated with the coming twins. You deserve better as well as your children. Men/Father’s are SUPPOSED to PROTECT, PROVIDE and LEAD. He doesn’t do any of these. Cut your losses, NOW. GOOD LUCK 
Kick him out he’s not going to get help while living with you as he think he can keep lying and that u will always accept it. Say no more ask him to leave. Give him no access to your bank accounts and if that means making new ones then so be it. I will also say my ex is an alcoholic and mixed his drinking with his medication and he went off the rails lucky for my family no one was really hurt but we were lucky. Don’t let it become like I did.
Family and friends will help you when bubs arrives and get onto Childsupport and centerlink ask for a social worker and get your payments changed over. You’ll be a lot better off mentally when your not worrying about where your money is going.
Girl, you know the answer to this… the longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be. Boot his lazy ass to the curb. You can raise your kids by yourself. I’ve done it.
Run honey, run!! You should not have to do this all alone, and I’d you do, you night as well get rid of him!!