How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

Big Hugs!! Sounds like you have a dependent and not a partner. I’m so sorry for you, you need to put you and your babies first and go. You’re a go-getter, I can tell!! You can do this without him. I hope you have friends to lean on or your Mom will help :pray:t3:’s and love sent your way!! Best wishes to you Momma and your babies today and always :heart:

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Everyone can give you all the same advise, tell what you should or shouldn’t do. But until you learn to love yourself more than you love him there won’t be anything you will change. When you love you things happen, life starts to change. Have faith in God not in a loser. First step, you must leave him or ask him to leave. His addictions become yours because as he won’t stop drinking, you won’t leave him. Making this two addictions. His and hers. You always have a choice. He’s not your child, let him go, be strong!!!

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Just by the mere fact you are asking this question means, it’s time to End the relationship. If you weren’t already sure, you wouldn’t be asking complete strangers this question.

Honestly I know ultimatums are not good. But either he’d go for inpatient treatment or I’d end it. Sometimes enough is enough. You and your children deserve better.

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You already know its time to RUN ,if you have to ask…wishing you the best.
:pray::pray::pray::pray:

Advice;
1)Put him out.

2)Change ALL the locks.

3)Arrange visitation for the children at a public location “once” he has maintained sobriety for a year.

4)Remove him from all your banking accounts. *This should be done :white_check_mark: before kicking him out.

5)Go “completely” NO contact! Until he get’s a Job, stop’s the drinking for (1) WHOLE year, and has a place of his own. Set boundaries & make him rise to meet them. Period!

*If you need help with your children, find someone who’s NOT an addict, like a student NURSE … who needs Free room & board in exchange for watching your children while you’re working. Or someone studying child psychology.

Sounds luke you are already doing it all so why are you holding on to him? You could probably pay a neighbor kid $5 a week to take out the trash and it would be cheaper than paying for the gambling and drinking. You answered your own question in your post by saying you want to move away from him. Show him the door!

When I left my abusive ex the difficult days were like a vacation compared to what I had to deal with when I was with him. If the house is yours make sure you put the money from selling it, if you go that route, into a savings or where he can’t access it if that is legal. Maybe your Mom would help you with the children. Congratulations on your precious twins!

Sounds like he is also your child.

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You need to leave, and yes it will be hard but it will also be worth it.

Run. He is not going to change. Check any and all local, state, federal programs. My prayers are with you.

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Run & dont look back. You & your childen will be better off without him. Doubtful he’ll change. Been there, done that.

Don’t let him get in to your money I think you can do it by yourself he’s not not helping you he’s taking away from you and the kids make him pay child support and make him leave find somebody to help you not take away from you geeze

Well your relationship must not have been tooo bad as you are currently pregnant by this man again with twins. You helped create this man child by enabling him so deal with it. He did get a job so he is trying and that’s progress. You think you’re going to get a better replacement to take on 4 children??

You’ll know the time when you’re ready.

For your sake, get out! First of all, I know from experience that you can’t change anyone! Only Jesus can. So, knowing how hard you have worked I would say before the babies come, kick him out. Sell out. Keep him out! He isn’t contributing to the household anyway. Def dont let him take care of your children!

Should’ve ended that one 11 yrs ago

If it’s your house kick him out

I think you already know the answer but need reassuring… OKAY so here goes : he’s a lowlife scum who uses you and doesn’t give a crap about the kids ,if he did he wouldn’t drain your money and be drinking etc

Okay so put another way…would you want your daughter going out with someone like this?

You deserve better, your children not only deserve better but need a better (and let’s be honest with this guy he won’t take much) role model.

You got this girl, you know you can do this alone, now go show the world and your kids that YOU deserve better! :v::heart:

Kick him to the curb. Do for you and your kids what you need to. It is hard. And hard work by yourself. But you deserve better.

You’re smart woman. You can see the signs. Don’t ignore them .

Walk you are wasting years you will never get back!!

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Leave him.

Take him off all the bank accounts start getting all the paperwork done for custody of all 4 children then give him a 30 day notice then go sign up fir medical unemployment also sign up for assistance for child care through the state

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Send his ass packing.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How do you know it's time to end a relationship? - Mamas Uncut

Honestly it’s gonna be hard but he can’t man up then you needa lose the boy and get a real man​:woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2: if y’all been together for 10yrs and he still ain’t got or held down a job and drains your money that you make to provide for you and your family then no he doesn’t deserve you nor them babies. It would be hard af but worth it in the end. Cause guess what? Mommas always make a way

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I was in your same exact spot, what I did was call my relatives and let them know I was in trouble and asked if they could help. We set up a plan to move to a relatives and sell my house. I let my baby daddy know it was temporary but that there would be no room for him. He threw fits and threatening, etc. We move in with my dad, he was not invited so could claim no residency. He had run is with the police and threaten our childs life, I made a police report and cps came and said safety plan, no contact with him. He ended up leaving us alone after that and I got state aid for everything including the birth of my child. If he’s draining you bank accounts he most likely has narcissist personality disorder. He is not good for your kids. Please get away from him, these guys can and have snapped and murdered their whole family.

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Get out! You need to take care of yourself and those babies. You gotta do what’s best for you and them. He’s a grown ass man. It’s not your job to take care of him. He’s only hurting you guys

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I usually jump on these and try to be the voice of “fix it, don’t throw it out” but girl, you can’t get out of this relationship fast enough. If you own that house, kick his butt out. He’s not allowed back until he’s sober, attending gambler’s anonymous, and able to pay for half of the household. Otherwise, I would nope right outta there FAST.

PS: you’d be surprised how much people will come running to help when you go through something like this. I’m sure your Mom is one of them!

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Not the exact problem but my husband had substance issues and when I got pregnant with twins I needs him to sober up he wouldn’t , so I left then he realized he needs help and got clean . Maybe leave for a period of time and see if he can wake up and realize what he will lose

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You’ve got to get out of that situation :persevere: as awful as it may seem, imagine what the kiddos see and think is okay to do or how to be treated! It’s not easy but it’s better in the long run :disappointed: I hope everything works out for you

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It’ll be hard but in the end you will be so happy for your babies that they don’t have a role model like that…get him for child support. Maybe that is the change he needs but then again don’t count on it

It’s time for you to take out the trash (him)…

You’ve been supporting yourself & your babies ALL this time, from day one. You have been standing on your own two feet. I believe you have come to your own answer. You are one strong-tenacious beautiful warrior of a momma. It will be hard but have been a fighter. God bless you​:pray::revolving_hearts::pray::pray::pray:

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You’re basically doing everything yourself !! You’re a single momma and doing great !! Just throw out the trash out and it will be better !!

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Dead weight alert!!!

You WILL be BETTER OFF without him around.

FORGET the “struggle” you think you would IF you moved away… Methinks you are struggling WORSE NOW than you would on your own!!!

Try and move in/ closer to your Mom so she can help out MORE when you do leave his lazy ass!!!

Honestly it’s gonna be hella hard, especially on how he is. Just keep your ground and work until you can’t anymore. Then go back to work. Keep your money to your account so he doesn’t spend that shit. That’s your and your kids money. If he wants to be a bitch he can work for that shit.

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He is never going to change mamas, but right now don’t seem like the right time to do it…its all timing and have a plan set

If the house is in your name I’d find a way to kick him out. Put all his crap outside while he is at work and change the locks. You can apply for food stamps at least. Maybe get Medicaid. You can start an only fans page to bring in some cash. Some people are really into seeing a pregnant woman’s body 🤷 whatever you do I don’t recommend staying with him. He clearly doesn’t respect you your children or your relationship doesn’t sound like he’s going to change or be a real man. Especially since he hasn’t bothered in 10 years. Sounds like alcohol is more important to him than his family and responsibilities. You deserve much better than dealing with that crap especially being 6 months pregnant with twins. Good luck momma

He isnt changing because he doesn’t have to…why? Because you are still there. At this point he knows you will still be there so he doesn’t have to change. He tells you what you want to hear to buy a little time to get you off his butt. He doesn’t want to change or he would have.

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And get on birth control :heartpulse:

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It’s been 10 years… it will be harder keeping him around then doing it alone. Best case scenario you kicking him to the curb will wake him up and he will get it together, but don’t count on it, and even if it appears that way- don’t let him move back in.
If you and the kids are worth it. He will get it together, do what he needs to do, for himself and his family and provide for you all. Period.

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If you’re not married, pack up the kids and LEAVE.
Get out of your lease agreement and move on without him.

Is he a good dad?
If so, tell him he can see them on whatever days you say.

If he isn’t, tell him to get an attorney and he can file for visitation if he wants.

I hope you figure it out :blue_heart:

Honestly I think you already have the answer but you just need to find the courage to do it.

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When you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror anymore

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Take his name off of the savings accounts. Get a job as soon as you can. Build up your savings and kick him to the curb.

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To the moon. Your doing it all by yourself anyway, except for the sex part… Get someone who won’t use and abuse your emotions and trust

Hes a loser kick him to the curb,when u do hav money keep it secret from him save up and leave his sorry ass and go after alimony and child support

He has problems. Then he blames a lot on you. It can be done by you to LEAVE HIM OR GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOME. YOU CAN DO IT. AM SURE THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WOULD HELP YOU OUT. PRAY AND HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO PRAY FOR YOU. GET PUT ON A CHURCH PRAYER LIST. IT WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS. GODSPEED​:pray::heart::sunflower::rose:

When you ask the question!

Get rid of him!! That’s theft and all he is doing is using you to supply his habits. Take him off the accounts and kick him to the curb! Disgusting. Those babies deserve better, and so do you!

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I was in a similar predicament and tried to make it work. The day I brought my son home from the hospital his dad went to play football all afternoon. How a person does one thing is how he does all things. My dad paid my rent and electric bill that month. I left after I went back to work. I should have earlier, he was like another child I had to take care of. It’s something you can do!! Never doubt your strength! My son has grown to be a wonderful man with very little contact with “him” - who still tries to reconcile with me after all that, a new wife and a different state. Still the same loser…

Honey, you’ve set the standard of what you accept.

You have accepted his shitty behavior for 10 years now. He isn’t going to change. I’m sorry to say it, but he WONT.

Time to get out. He is a namchild. You are about to have another 2 children. THINK ABOUT THEM AND YOURSELF.

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I didn’t even need to read this. If you are thinking about leaving in the slightest, that’s how you know it’s time.

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If you’re going to do bad… You can do it on ur own… You don’t need to man girl !!!

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You know. You know when you’re done and you don’t question it, you just go.

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Make sure he doesn’t see or go anywhere near your money

You will cope your doing everything now so its not a change
Hes draining you and you don’t need that around your or your beautiful babies
Make him leave he will either do everything he can to come back and be a better person or he won’t
You’re stronger than you think xx

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Bruh, kick his ass out. Get on social assistance and start from scratch

Take away his access to the money. If you don’t give him access to money, he can’t blow it on gambling and he can’t buy any alcohol. If he’s drinking like that then has has no business staying at home with the kids. That’s not a good situation for them to be in. Save your money. Make certain he cannot access any of it. Get a legal eviction on him. He’s not going to change. Tell your mom what’s going on and tell her what you need from her. Hopefully she’s the kind of mom who will do everything in her power to help you and your kids get out of such a toxic situation.

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Change your bank account so he doesn’t have access and tell him to leave he is a jerk

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You don’t have to sell anything to get away. Put his sorry, lazy, @$$ out and move on.

Reach out to your local human services office and resource agencies to see what help is available in your area. He’s financially abusive and gaslighting you. Clearly you and the kids aren’t very high on his list of priorities. I mean he’s prioritized drinking and gambling over the needs of his family. Growing a human is a hard and exhausting task and you are growing two. And here he is acting like some child who lives with his mommy still. Girl if he starts missing bills he ruins your credit and could potentially leave you and the kids being evicted
Both of which will only make it harder to find somewhere else to go.

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Hes an alcoholic and wont change unless he wants to. You might as well figure out your game plan, from the sounds of it, you’ll be just fine without him

I’m sorry you are going through this,especially pregnant. Your bf has a illness. He should be in a program for addiction. I went through the same, almost exactly, myself but I hung in there because I loved him so much. After about 17 years he got sober on his own with no help at all but that us very rare. For me it was worth it in the end. But, this is a decision only you can make. Maybe a temporary separation would help him see things aren’t good.

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You know it’s time for him to go. You should not have to take care of a grown man. He has serious life changing issues that will impact all of you and guess what he doesn’t want to stop and you can’t make him. You have to have him leave.You need a partner who can help you and build you up. Kick him out and tell him he needs to get treatment/ help . This will be the hardest thing to do but the best thing also. Reach out to social service agencies for assistance for yourself and your kids.

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Run he’s immature and your his mother. Show him the door

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Sell your house get a nice apartment and use the house money to hire you help.Either way it sounds like you will be doing all this on your own. Hes a dead weight Get rid off him

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First off. Take a deep breath.

This is stress. All of it is far from good for you, carrying. You do need the situation to change, but have patience. Wait a year to really leave, only if it’s not abusive, and save a little so you’re ready if you do decide that. Now is the time for nesting, but that can include boundaries for the nest. You can make it clear that you aren’t going to stand for drinks all night every night. That’s disrespectful. He should care. You’re going to need extra help, and sleep. Threatening to hire someone might help. He doesn’t want a night nurse all up in your house and guarantee you he doesn’t want to pay for it.

Sit down and warn him. Like realistically, he knows it. But ask for a change by a certain date. Small steps. Like he needs to commit to drinking only 4 nights. And therapy online is becoming more affordable. And therapy is good, whether or not you can stay together, it’s still good for everyone.

You deserve so much better. Don’t waste your lives. Please think of your kids, they do not deserve this either. Good luck. Love you.

Leave him already, you dont need to look after another Child and he sounds like a leech . Leave him, its the best thing you could do for yourself and your Babies . All the best! :heart:

I say kick him out get rid of him it will only get worse and make him pay you back some how for what he drained u for cause sounds like to me he is only there for housing and to get whatever he can mooch off of you

Wow throw his ass out

You are carrying twins. You need to find a way to get rid of some of this weight you are carrying on your shoulders. Take charge. Remove his bank cards from him, only give him lunch/gas money. Tell him the rules, if he follows him, he can stay. I wish you the absolute best, twins are incredibly hard, but the best blessing. Don’t let him take the joys away, you deserve to be happy and enjoy the experience without all this worry. His drinking NEEDS to stop. Prayers for you darling xoxo

Honey get out now. Just imagine if you had a man that worked as hard as you do… what all y’all could have. I’ve been in this situation. I’ve been the one working while my husband stayed home with the kids. It’s not right. I always worked so I just did it. He drank. I loved my husband and I won’t put him down but 12 years later… I’m now a widow. We have a daughter now 8. She was six when he passed. Next month will be two years. Alcohol took him. I never thought I’d make it a day on my own. I was scared, terrified, my entire world changed in the blink of an eye. You’re already supporting yourself plus another child pretty much. I don’t think you need the stress while pregnant especially with twins. I think you know your worth and I think you know that you deserve way better than what you’re getting. Us moms can make it. I don’t know how I’ve done it… but almost 2 years later me and my daughter are doing just fine. I’ve made it. Just us two! It wasn’t easy… but it’s worth it. You got this. Let those kiddos see a happy momma. Set them a good example of what a man should be. Until you find the BEST, don’t settle. Life is too short! You got this!!

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Pick up and move and do not take him. With 2 babies on the way it will be more stress on you and the relationship. Make a clean getaway and find a good church and you will find help out there government or others but he is just adding to the stress of life.

Deep breath, don’t do anything yet. Use this time while you’re off to make a plan. See a lawyer, go to the bank, go to alanon and therapy yourself.Talk to a realtor. Have your babies,make sure you have a good job lined up then stroll away when all your ducks are in a row. You’ve dealt with his ass this long hold out a little longer so you aren’t floundering when you go. Good luck,you can do it.:heart:

Weigh the end results. Kids growing up without a whole family in this world. Have you tried having a church family. God is waiting. Try God’s way. Praying for unity in your family. You can do it.

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Please please please leave him. Narcassist will not change.

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So u decided to have another child with him that makes perfect sense

I’m sorry but it’s time for him to go, he knows he has a problem but refuses to do anything to fix it, it’s affecting your house your kids and their needs. I would make him replace all the money from both accounts, change the pin and not make him a user on either account then work on selling the house and leaving ASAP. That is the last thing you need to be worrying about with 2 newborns otw

It’s okay to start over! It’s okay to start over! It’s okay to start over!

You should definitely make the decision that is best for you and babies. It sounds like you have your priorities straight and you’re a determined worker, you’ll be back to where you are in no time if not farther without having to parent your bf if that’s what you choose. You CAN do it!

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Show him that if he dosent change you will leave. Take a couple days (2-3) and go stay at your moms or something to give him time to see how he is going to feel when you do leave if he dont straighten up. Some people just need a reason to change and sometimes losing it all is that reason. I’m not going to talk bad on my kids father my husband now. But when my oldest was 2 months old I walked out on him. Pack all of our stuff and just left but once I did he realized I wasnt taking anymore I’ve been with him 8 years married 3 but he has been put through hell and it took alot for us to get where we are now. But I love this man and have 3 kids with him. It’s a matter of what are you willing to do about it… find out why he is this way get to the root of the problem. My husbands was that he was scared of me leaving with his kids like his ex did, his ex took everything he had worked his ass off for since he was 18. They divorced when he was 27. She walked out on him because she said she couldn’t handle being a loggers wife. She never told him just packed his kids and left while he was at work. Not long after his divorce his daddy died in his arms at the hospital doors. So my husband was in a dark place for a long time. We just slowly worked through it. Communication is the biggest key

I’d this even real? Sheesh

Love you Meg your a strong women

Tell him to leave. Your children need a stable home. Let him worry about his next meal, how to get drinking money. Sounds like he is just a moocher who doesn’t want to work. Good luck. You can do this!

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Yes leave him it cant be worse by yourself u doing it all anyway hes just another kid u having to take care of.

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I’m sure you have talked to him till your blue in the face and nothing has changed thus far. I was married to someone for 33 yrs with the same issues, but drugs were in there as well. I left many times when my parents were alive as I had a place to go. Once they passed I stupidly stayed for another 10 yrs. Nothing was changing so I decided to tell him that we are putting the house up for sale and going our own ways. I moved away and nothing has changed on the other end and it’s been five yrs. Your BF has to do it for himself or it won’t work . Your BF has to want to change. Not for you , not for the children, but for himself. Sorry for you struggles. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time in your life where decisions are hard to fathem. Wishing you the best.

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Kick his ass to the curb. You have to stand your ground because you were the breadwinner for awhile while he was over there spending all your hard earned money on useless shit. Only you can make the better decision for you and your children.

U r better then this!

Dr .Phil has the best advice …”It’s better to come from a broken home than live in one “

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I say do what’s best for you’re kids there youres no matter what.he dosen’t seem to be helping out much and seems to not want any help.so I would leave just my opion. Look into programming for you and you’re kids theres alot of places in the states that help single moms.you may even find good housing too.

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It’s the “the next check will be all yours” comment that is a massive red flag for me, especially with two babies on the way as well as the children you already have :pensive: he sounds very irresponsible with money and that plus your resentment towards his contribution to your relationship is gonna drive a massive wedge between you. Imagine once the babies are born how tired you’ll feel. How little time you’ll have for household chores. How much less free cash you’ll have and how much more important budgeting will need to be to make sure you’re all taken care of for a month… I just don’t see a happy ending for you :broken_heart: babies are expensive and you can’t have him emptying your accounts when he feels like it or be drinking when you need him to be helping with the running of the house/family life!

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You shouldn’t be the one to pick up and leave. He has to go. If he wants to be a kid then he can go back to his momma’s house let’s see how long she will put up with his ass. I wish you and your kids the best.

I have 2 accounts me and my husband share one and the other one is only mine (not because I don’t trust him) it’s because I have a business and if something happens we have extra money to fall back on
If I were you I’d wait till the babies are born to leave and get an account that only you have access to ASAP maybe one he doesn’t know about :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Listen Babe. I’ve been there! I was in it for 14yrs as the provider while he sat on his ass and watched me do it all and pay for all his drinking. It :clap: doesn’t :clap: get :clap: better! Nothing will change. Yes leaving isn’t easy. But you better straighten that crown and remember who the fk you are! You have been doing it on your own before, and you are more than capable to do it on your own! No it’s not going to be easy and you will have to figure alot out on your way day by day but don’t stay with a pos drunk just bc it’s easy. It’s not good for your kids to grow up around that. Trust me, pack up cut your loss and move on.

You can do bad all by yourself, momma. The last thing you need is the stress of a man that you have to take care of, when you already have other children to look after.

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Dont walk away
Run away

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It sounds like a very hard situation. But I think if you own the home I would make him leave and you keep the home. In most areas right now rent is higher than house payments. And perhaps you could find a way to make money with your house like rent a room or garage to a reputable person and add to your income. I’ve even seen where people rented part of their yard for someone to grow a garden or store a trailer or motor home There’s always ways to make a little money on the side. That way you always know you have a home for you and your baby’s. And you would be building equity. It’s just a suggestion . Wish you the best.

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What would you tell your best friend or daughter? Do that!?

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