Dont stay anymore
Your kids deserve to be happy and see their mom happy.
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Get the hell out of the relationship. I was in one for 7 years an my ex boyfriend was the same way as ur husband he would play of his XBox 360 all day an all night from the time he got up until he went to bed mine u we had his two kids plus my one child plus ours living in the.house he never took care of anything for the kids or get the older ones up for school or change our daughter diapers an stuff I did it all. I finally got the hell away from him 4 years ago an have my two girls plus his daughter ( which I adopted) Cause he sexually abuse her. My girls are happy and doing great in school an having the best time with friends an life. My life has been great since I gotten away from him. My girls are 16,14, 7. Since ur kids are mostly grown take them an get another place an be happy. Best of luck to u
Sit down and write out your positives and negatives. Look at those and if you want this relationship to continue then you both probably need some counselling to work things out together to be able to move on in a healthy relationship. If not, then it’s time to cut your losses. No-one deserves to be unhappy. But either way there are decisions to be made and work to be done (and by both of you).
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I don’t understand why it’s so hard for women to leave toxic relationships,do you not think about what you’re teaching your kids, everyone deserves self respect and love but you have to require what you want and need#selfworth, never love a man more than you love yourself or your children
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Divorce is hard. Deciding when enough is enough is hard. When I was getting divorced, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. My sister said “ you don’t want your son to grow up and think it’s ok to treat his wife that way and you don’t want your daughters to think they have to put up with a man treating them that way.”
Since you have been with him for so long, it’ll be hard to adjust since he is all you know however, imagine what life would be like with someone who treated you the way you should be treated. Or imagine not having the aggravation of him being there. Just you and your kids. In my opinion, I would’ve left a long time ago but only you can make the decision on when it’s time to let it go. Best of luck
My question is why are you still with this asshole? You and your children deserve better!!! Don’t stick it out because of the children they all know you need out!!!
Leave if he not happy and your not . My kids have told me to leave my marriage to for these same reasons . But neither of us cheated just talked to other people . But I tried leaving two years ago and my husband has done a lot of changing . But I really can not get over the past so if I was you why waste more time with the man if neither one of you want to change . My kids tell me all the time how I should have left when they where younger . They are all adults now I also have 4 kids. And they feel I took their dad’s side over theirs since I stayed when I should have left so you should leaven now so you kids do not think you picked your husband over them
I think you should read this as if it is your child in this kind of toxic relationship. Take the advice you would give them. Life is too short to live like this. Move on, put all that energy into yourself and your children.
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Get the hell out now. Even your kids want you out
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Sounds like you are both already done… get a divorce so you can both move on and hopefully find happiness… life is too short to be miserable
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Separate. I know easier said then done.
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You’re both selfish. Seek help individually then together
You are clearly unhappy .anyone can see that from what you have said .there is a disconnect on every level .usually i would be the first to say try and salvage the relationship but, he is married to the playstation .ignoring the woman that longs for attention and affection .he is being a clod.you deserve so much more .the infidelity is your past .keep it there. Do what you think is best.my only caution would be to take the time to heal .rediscover who you are and what you want.you deserve the best
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Girl, hopefully your financially stable not to have to rely on your husband when you leave his ass. You need to get into counseling with your kids so they can see relationships are better then this. This one is toxic for everyone. If you don’t have a job find one, start saving, get an apartment and move out. Work on you and building good relationships with your kids… I wish you the very best .
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Oh my gosh, this makes me so sad for you and your children. Nobody deserves to be treated badly. I’d definitely say to pick up the pieces you have left of yourself and move home to your family. Rekindle those family and friend relationships you have lost. You and your children deserve to be loved and treated with kindness. My best wishes to you and your kiddos 
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You stay because it’s familiar and starting over is scary. I’d rather be alone than miserable with my life. Time to go be happy. Trust me, just having him gone will be the greatest weight off your life
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The answer is simple you already know the answer, but you have to strengthen your mind up to put it in motion. Find you a group that can give you some pointers on how to move forward. You deserve better. Your settings examples for your kids by staying toxic examples.
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I was in the same situation, my advice is RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!! No man is worth it and it shows bad relationships to your kids.
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This is only an opinion. You n your children need peace n happiness. I wish you the best with whatever you choose. Been their myself.
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You CAN NOT find a future if you stay living in the past!! To find yours and the children’s happiness you MUST try and find your FUTURE! EASY, NO!! But nothing worth having is easy… God Bless, been there.
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Security is a big thing. I do believe it’s time if you want what’s best for your family.
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Oh honey. I have almost the exact same story but with younger children and special needs. You please need to leave. It will be tough in ways but very shortly after you will feel so so much better. If the playstation is what he wants then let him have it all to himself. You dont deserve that abuse!
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It ends when you say it ends. No one knows how you feel and everyone’s advice will always be different. If it is affecting your children and yourself staying is not the best choice no matter what the situation is. He clearly has no interest in you or the kids then move on. No woman should be treated that way ever by a spouse. I pray for you and hope that you will do what you think is best for everyone.
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You guys have tried every other option. You have done everything you could and it’s all one sided to you to save anything. Your children are saying you guys should get a divorce. Honestly not doing them a favor staying together when they are also unhappy. Get a divorce, move back home, get yourself a make over and find yourself, and re connect with friends and family.
If he has nothing nice to say to you, ignore him. Any conversations about the kids can go through a co parenting app. Save all text documentation, tell him every time he calls that it is being recorded and if he doesn’t like that then hang up. Get a body camera and record every time you guys have to meet in person to have a record. Better to be safe than sorry.
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we can tell you exactly what to do but until your ready to do whatever is best for you, you won’t be asking no more… learn to always have plan a and b. if it’s meant to be, no one can stop it. Put your FAITH in the LORD and watch the miracles that will happen. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALWAYS.
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Get your ducks in order. Finances and air down with your children and tell them your decision Honestly and respectfully then get a lawyer and get your divorce. You already know of it is over.
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Get an attorney and start planning.
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It’s time for a divorce!!
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Yeah why? They will beat you down as long as you allow it. Time to cut ties and move on. I am talking from experience, same sh!t different people
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Your question is how do you know when it’s time, it’s time now I knew it was time half way before I finished reading this thru, get yo shit together and leave 
NOW
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Pm me ive been thru it
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Ur decision is made but r u financially ready
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I was through the same thing that you are going through for 14 years of my life it was ruined my husband married me and cheated on me the first few years of our marriage and never spent time with me and we never stayed in the same room for almost 10 of the 14 years we were together for 23 and it seems as soon as we got married it just went to the dogs but I would just leave what is the sense of being in a relationship with somebody who does not want nothing to do with you you can find somebody who will care about you stop wasting your time on this fool I did I left it’s been 7 years since I’ve had to put up with that cruelty and I never will again even though he is offered to come back I do not want him you will finally get courage after so long to not want to return to that kind of a relationship
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I feel you wrote this Knowing what you need to do,knowing what is best for yourself and your children. But you want validation and opinions from others. Which I totally understand. But nothing anyone says in these comments is going to make you decide. You have to do that.
It’s obvious you two are toxic for each other. You two have grown apart. And now the home is torn apart,the energy is bad and full of hate. All of which affects the children as well as the two of you.
It’s okay to be done. It’s okay to divorce. Sometimes it’s the best option. You deserve happiness as does he. And from my own personal experience it will happen when you make a tough decision.
You decide how long to drag this out. Do what is best for You and your kids.
I hope things work out for you.
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Honey , only you can decide when it’s time, only you can change things for you and no one else, choose what is right for you , I totally believe you know what that is!!
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Run and don’t look back.
This sounds a lot like my ex marriage. You have your answer. I suggest a separation for awhile so you both can think . I don’t believe for one second he didn’t have sex with those other woman. I call BS. I ended our marriage after 25 years. Best decision I have ever made. It ended up being an amicable divorce and I hope yours can end the same. If he isn’t happy and you clearly aren’t. It’s time to move on. Trust me once you say those words. I want a divorce it honestly feels like a bus is was lifted off of your shoulders. Staying together for the kids is the WORST you can do. It causes more damage. I learned this after my divorce. Wish I had done it way sooner FOR MY children’s sake. I wish strength and good luck. You will not regret it.
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When you ask others you already know it’s time
You’ve already stayed waaaay too long!
Pack a bag, get in your car, go to bank and get $$ out and don’t tell him. Drive away and never look back. Get a divorce lawyer and go live with family. Move in now, life is to short.
Get your things on order and leave
Cheating is cheating. You cheated n he cheated both of you got into this mess,the best you could do for your children sake end it.
Pull up stakes and haul ass! It’s been over for years. I think you know you don’t need us or anyone else to tell you that.
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Sounds to me like it should have ended when you both found out about the infidelity. Once that happens you’re only going in an inescapable, loveless circle. Staying together for the kids should never be an option to making it work. All you have left is a hollow relationship with no feelings, wanting to escape. You’re children can tell you’ve disconnected from the relationship, so just end it so you can be happy again.
My advice, life is way too short to be anything but happy.
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When you wanna end it.
Leave, run actually !
Please leave. You have no idea how much happier you will be without having to live in the same house with each other. There’s no more love. Y’all were just comfortable with each other and now it sounds like y’all hate each other. Enjoy the rest of your life without him. Because right now you are not living. You are surviving everyday in a stressful household.
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When your children are telling you that you should get divorced, that is when it’s time to end the relationship. Life is too short to be miserable.
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7 years with my bf and I can relate to a bit of what you’re going through.
It is mentally tough❤️
I hate the PlayStation.
Usually the more difficult decision to make is the right one.
Hugs Momma, it’s hard.
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You’ve already left and so has he, both mentally… Just leave physically now. No one deserves to be emotionally or verbally abused. When I left, it was the free-est time of my life, although I left with nothing I gained a whole lot more by leaving!
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Dude yall need to get a divorce. Unhappy situations affect children long term. Trust me. My parents would have divorced when I was 10 but my mama wanted to make it work for me. When I was 16 i told her she needed to leave. She finally listened…happiest Shes ever been single.
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I can relate to a bit of this and I stayed for the kids as long as I did. It got horrible in the end and led to a year of hell in a divorce but when I look at it now I wish I would’ve done it sooner. I’m so much happier now and my kids see that and I’m able to be happy with them. It sounds kinda stupid but it took me realizing I didn’t have to be on the rollercoaster of emotions every single day with him wondering who I would get that day, the happy husband or the angry one that just wanted to ignore me. You deserve to be happy. I would say it’s time to leave him.
You say if your kids were in this type of relationship you’d tell them to run however you are teaching them is ok to stay. No matter who cheated first or last or whatever the circumstance, teaching your kids it’s ok to be miserable and being ugly to each other isn’t doing anyone any good. Be happy for you and for your kids. It’s time to let go of your kids are also miserable. Good luck and God bless
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Get the hell out of there for the sake of your kids. There’s more to come, if you stay. He also needs help so counseling may be required. That’s if he will seek or receive help. Either way, give each other space to clear your head. Good luck.
These kinds of relationships will affect the kids in the long run. They’ll be more prone to end up in the same situation because they think it’s normal… They believe that is normal love… if you don’t want to see them in the same situation ,show them something different… My parents had a terrible relationship as a kid, and now I have a son with an emotionally abusive person, who traps me in corners and tells me I’m stupid … my brain thinks it’s normal, but my therapist tells me it’s not , and that’s just what I grew up with 
show your kids youre a strong mama .
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Sounds like you stay because you’re punishing yourself for having cheated. Sounds like you’ve given yourself a penance of suffering and you refuse to leave because you feel you don’t deserve any better. Go to your church and confess to your priest or pastor , get it off of your soul and be done with it. Above all, forgive yourself! There’s a life to live with those who love you! Good luck!
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If you are asking the question you already know it is way past time. You deserve to be happy, he deserves to be happy and most importantly your kids deserve both of you at your best
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It sounds like you’ve already had enough. There’s no point you both being unhappy. It will affect the children too. Me and my husband got to a similar stage - I didn’t cheat but he did. He avoided me and the kids at every opportunity. There was no affection but he got mad when I wouldn’t sleep with him. He left over a year ago and our relationship is much better. We’re friends, we do things together with the kids and he has a much better relationship with them. We’re both much happier and mentally healthier. Xx
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I couldn’t even read it all, I stopped after he was calling you names shining his phone in your face.
That marriage is over. It’s been over since he found out about the affair even though he was having one himself. He’s lost all respect for you. Staying married is hurting your kids more than being separate. Go back to where your family is and move on. He resents you and it sounds like he always will. Nothing positive will ever come from it.
I never got married but I was in a relief for 11 years with someone who resented me. It was no good. I’m sorry.
It might be helpful to break out a journal and write about the exact question you asked in the post (multiple times)- why DO you stay? We all have reasons for doing or not doing things. You may very well discover what that reason is if you make some space for your own wisdom. Once you discover your reason/s you can evaluate how true or not they really are. For instance, it may be “I need to stay for my kids. They will be hurt if we break up”. Then you can have evaluate if that’s really true, if you know it’s true. Journaling has helped me discover so much about what’s going on beneath the surface of my mind. I hope it helps you too! Sending you love & support 
You know. It’s over. Time to divorce. Get a restraining order and let go.
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Some people stay in relationships because they are comfortable with the life they have even when its emotionally and mentally draining because they fear the unknown and the what if’s. Some people would rather be unhappy surrounded by people or with someone than be “alone.”
Call a divorce lawyer tomorrow. Consultation is typically free. Once you get questions answered and have an idea of how the process will go, you’ll feel better.
Your children are even telling you to divorce their father.
It’s enough already.
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It’s time to say goodbye! It will be hard at first but you will feel soooooo relieved after you get on your feet.
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Yep, now would be the right time for you to leave. It’ll be hard. But it’s the right thing to do.
Maybe fear of the unknown,maybe punishment for cheating,but really your already gone and so is he.
Just throw his ps4 and clothes out the door. With a big rock on top of the ps4 and a note that says “hows this for high maintenance bitch” and then change the locks
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Leave why you still can.
He’s completely disconnected from you
Never gonna change till u change it.
My own opinion: Leave. It will not be easy, and he will probably blame you for causing all the problems and “breaking up” the family. Not agreeing with what you did (I don’t think you do either), but I can understand where you are coming from. Two miserable parents who hate each other and are full of resentment are not what kids need, or grandkids (if your kids go that route) need.
Try and look at it from a distance and take yourself out of the equation. If a friend was telling you this story, or one of your kids was facing this with their spouse, what would your advice be?
Deep down I think you know the answer but want to get out of feeling guilty for what is going to happen. You will feel guilty on some level and he will probably only make that feeling worse. It’s okay to feel that way but don’t let it become your life. Moving on and rediscovering yourself is a process and it takes time. Know what you want in the end. Know that it is not an easy road, but be brave enough to go down it. What is waiting for you at the end will be worth the journey.
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So… Do you want a marriage/relationship or a roommate? Because right now you have one but not the other…
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Most of us do not like change. However, from what you said, he seems to have no interest in you nor does he seem to care if you are happy. I was in a relationship like that (not as long, though) and I left. Why would I want to stay with someone who doesn’t want me there?
Life is too short for BS like that. Kick him and his playstation to the curb.
When you feel it’s over
Leave him now and hang him for everything you can get out of him
Girl, get gone. He’s punishing you and you’re letting him.
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Because you have been with him you’re entire adult life it will definitely not be easy to end the marriage but there is no reason to stay if you’re going to be toxic to each other. When you have had enough and I mean truly enough you will leave.
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Sounds like this man has a serious gaming addiction, does he work?? This is beyond toxic! LEAVE!
Hi love … please reread your message and break it down where you understand yourself… sometimes in order to be happy again you’ll have to end something and move forward … it’s the disrespect he had towards you . And looks like you owned up to your mistakes and seems like it isn’t enough … after cheating things don’t and won’t go back to normal if he can’t get pass through that … seems like that’s the only thing he attacks you for … but sometimes the love ends there … and it’s okay to divorce your glow up will come after your away from what is keeping you down … you’ll find peace within yourself
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It’s time. Leave him behind
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Please leave this man.
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Have you ever gave any thought to him possibly being on drugs? I mean not saying like hard core strung out but maybe he dabbles in something you don’t know about from time to time. sounds like he has mood swings is why I’m saying this.
It’s time for a divorce. I think you would be happier by yourself. There’s no reason to stay when your all miserable
Only you know why you stay. I dont think your marriage has worked for either of you, for many years. Infidelity is a symptom of what is lacking in the marriage. Your husband never grew up. There is nothing worse than being lonely in a marriage. Try joining a women’s group, or club, that focuses on something that you enjoy, or have an interest in. Your husband is unwilling to show you kindness, or affection. Stop waiting for him to deliver happiness to the relationship. Take care of you. Spread your wings, in a healthier environment. Do some financial planning for yourself, and a possible future without him. Your self esteem will grow, and you will find the happiness you seek, from within. Good luck. You deserve so much more.
Get a divorce. Get a divorce. Get a divorce. YOU start the process now. I’m not even kidding. Go into the courthouse and file the papers. Life is way way way too short. I guarantee you you will find a way to move on in life and be happy. Don’t even make it like he’s an evil villain. Just accept that you too are not supposed to end life together. You started life together and you built something but that doesn’t mean it has to be forever. Respect him for who he is because now he can move on himself and be the man he wants to be. I PROMMMMMISE YOU you will be happier in the end.
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Pack u n those kids up n go. He’s a man child. Punch in the nose on your way out.
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Leave and don’t look back
No one can tell you what to do. You live with the consequences of your decisions, not us.
May I suggest the need for counseling-with a professional-to help you make good, healthy decisions? Someone who will help you find clarity, strength, courage, and self-respect?
You may find that you really are strong and really can endure.
Lastly-actually first, you may want to immerse yourself in God’s word to see yourself through His eyes. He loves you. He wants to help you. He will not condemn you, but encourage you.
I wish you well in your journey.
I think you know what you should do. After writing that, how do you feel? What do you think?
What marriage? He is abusive. Get out! Your kids will thank you!
Take your kids and go home to your family
I didn’t read the word LOVE once in that whole letter. If kids are willing to get out then that’s what you should do
Believe me the weight off your shoulders is glorious!!!
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Your relationship has been over for a long time, you just need to realize and accept that and move on. Life is short, try and find your own happiness.
Reread what you just wrote, and then read it again. You already know what to do. Get out and show your kids what life with a happy,healthy momma looks like.
You only get one life. Staying in such an environment isn’t making the best of it. Move on and look forward, it sounds like you could both do with it 
Get counceling try The Love Dare if you want to save this marriage
It was over when you started to cheat.
I was with a Jeckyl and Hyde type personality for awhile with narcissistic qualities. Pack up take the kids and go back home to your family. You will remain miserable with a person like that.