You would get half the equity in the house, half the savings, alimony and child support. You would have to get a job. You might qualify for food assistance. Instead of leaving, prepare to leave. Go back to school, get a job, put the kids in daycare.
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Start with getting a job. Make him pay for child care. Slowly start stacking your cash. DONT let him know about your stash. Idc if you have to hide it in a stuffed animal… don’t let him know. When you have enough to move, do it.
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You won’t be left with nothing. You get half of everything. And he might have to pay you alimony. On top of child support for the kids. You’ll have to get a job, but you won’t walk away with nothing.
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Call the section 8 or the local housing authority in ur area. They should b able to assist u with emergency housing for u and ur babies until they can get u into permanent situation. They usually can also direct u to childcare, job, et legal assistance if u were to need these as well. Good luck to u and urs:black_heart: u got this 
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An attorney will make sure you keep the house and a car and income for child support, alimony
Get. Him. Out. Then get yourself a job, career, degree. Also be extremely vigilant once hes out. He will be dangerous. Keep people around you and your kids , narcissist hate whitnesses. Brace yourself, manipulation will abound, daggers will fly, start documenting every single thing for court, pictures, even online therapy for you and kids, do everything methodically, no lists, but seriously, keep your kids in their home and routine, call for legal help asap and get the ball rolling before you cant
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When l left my ex l got help from the state for everything. I started working and then went to nursing school ( my dream profession) with a 9 year old and everything was paid for that. During my 1st nursing job l met my current husband and we have been married 31 years. Best of luck!!!
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Sell stuff on fb to make extra money and put it up.
Kids old clothes, shoes, toys, etc.
Gather all important things like birth certificates, s.s. cards etc. Have them all in one place.
If you can stay with family thats awesome, do it.
Have a plan. Get state housing if u need it. Use someone elses address on the paperwork that will help hide it from hubby.
Leave while he is at work.
Pack whatever you are taking.
YOU AIN’T GETTING ANYTHING ONCE YOU WALK OUT!
Have that mind set.
I have 2 kids 5 and 6 and walked away from 10 years of my narc relationship.
3 vehicles and I walked with a bag of stuff and my kids. Never looked back.
DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM EITHER!
IT SENDS SO MANY MIXED SIGNALS!
HE WON’T CHANGE AND IT WILL TAKE YEARS TO REPAIR YOURSELF.
THEY DAMAGE YOU MORE THEN YOU REALIZE.
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Apply for a credit card in your name only if you can. Then retain the meanest and most aggressive attorney you can find- and use credit card for retainer. And don’t say a word about filing to your husband or anyone else. Once he is out of the household- not house but household- apply for TANF and SNAP. You got this. You are not trapped.
If you can get any evidence before u go it helps. I would put my phone on record and put it in my back pocket.
If you dont file for emergency custody he can come visit kids and take off with them and theirs nothing u can do. So always supervise visits until you file the paperwork.
He will use every scare tactic he can on u.
Calling CPS, taking you for custody, etc. Etc.
Don’t give in. Dont let him see you get scared or upset when he starts his crap. This is the fuel they are looking for. I just said you do what you feel u need to and so will I.
Everything else he would message me. I would just say “noted” thats it.
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Document, Document and keep essential documents SAFE. Mine are in a safety deposit box he cannot touch. Yep, he isn’t happy.
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Go talk to a lawyer and learn what your rights are. Alimony, child support etc. Also I’m not sure where you live but most cities have programming set in place for single mothers. Eventually his drinking problem will spill over into his parenting. Also if he does any of this in front of his children then is he really a good father? Most “good parents” don’t want to cause the parent of their child mental and emotional trauma because of how it will inevitably effect the kids. It won’t get any better than it is right now.
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Well. Ur gonna have to start from scratch. Which means. Find a job. And start building
It’s not the easiest thing to do but it’s that or stay in the situation you’re. U can also file for child support and potentially spousal support
Sending you strength and love
Start by going on for a free consult for a divorce attorney. They know your local laws better than anyone here, and they’ll be able to tell you what you’re legally entitled to. Then start saving money to pay for said attorney. And document document document with dates every time he’s abusive.
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Coexist in seperate parts of the house until the kids are older. Get a degree while you can so you can be prepared. Believe it or not, the kids seeing anger and alcoholism is just as bad as if it was physical abuse on them. It teaches them that behavior is ok. If you have daughters it teaches them to allow ment to treat them like that and for boys it is ok to treat women that way. Its your call though. Im not bashing. I have been there. When my oldest was 4yo we were in our local grocery store. I only had enough money for milk and diapers. She said you arent getting Daddy beer. I said no bc i needed diapers and milk. She said loudly, in a crouwded tiny community grocery store…yanno hes gonna hit ya right? EVERYONE stopped and stared at us. I wanted to die bc my 4 yo saw and understood abuse and his triggers. 3 months later, we packed up and left. I moved back home to my parents, they helped until I qualified for daycare. I took the kids to daycare, worked, went to school at night. At some points I worked 2 jobs but we did it. I never spoke badly about their father, I knew as they grew they would figure it out and they did. Its not an easy road…it will require hard work and yes I cried myself to sleep many a night. I didnt have a social life bc I was raising my kids and working. The few friends I did have were in the same boat and we shared about our struggles. You can do this. Plan ahead. Save a little money as you can without him knowing. Avoid conflict when you can. I had the motto do I want to be right or do I want peace? If I had to be right I asked myself is it worth the fight…is it going to change anything? If not I didnt bother. Its hard I know and when kids are involved soooo much harder but only YOU can decide when its not working for u anymore.
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hes got you right when he wants you. get a job first or study while your there. set yourself up
Divorce him, get child support and alimony 🤷
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That’s what divorce is for. You won’t end up with nothing honey. If you feel this is never going to work I suggest you start contacting attorneys while he’s at work and start a plan to leave him. Good luck!
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Contact legal aid in your area,. HUD or housing assistance. Apply for snap benefits. But get out you can do this. He won’t like it but you have it in you. I left my x with 4 kids and nothing but what we had on.
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I made all of those same excuses. All of them. I was a SAHM. My husband worked. He’s a major narcissist and got into drugs. But one day… enough was enough. I was over it. My kids deserve better. So I walked away. Filed divorce, and moved on with my life.
I work 2 jobs. Is it easy? Absolutely not. But did I do it? Yes. It’s possible. You’re stronger than you think.
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Get a lawyer. He will have to leave. You file first. Let an attorney guide you thru the process & get a female to represent you who has a track record of winning for the woman. She should be able to get support and alimony. If you can, start stashing cash. Divorcing a narcissist is a pain no matter what, but you will be a better woman and mother for it. You can do this! Get an attorney. 
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If you stay you’ll always have less than nothing
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Work on what you need to to make it.
If staying longer is what’s needed then do it.
Courts don’t favor a parent without means to support the children unless there is signs of drug problem or abuse.
I had this exact issue and had my husband leave (we separated) and he actually stopped drinking and started seeing a therapist. Make him realize he may lose y’all.
There are ways through DHS to help with child care….search out your area resources before you make a move…have a plan and stick to it
Get your ducks in a row. Apply for every assistance they offer. Go to cope and talk to them about how to go about getting into low income housing.
You might not have anything material when you leave but peace of mind and the start of a new life is something special. The more help you find the more strength you’ll get. Good luck.
He’s teaching your children to disrespect, control, drink and be angry. That doesn’t make a good Dad. My opinion is there is Dad and Father. Dad plays with his kids and does things with them. Father is about responsibility and the serious things like education, leadership, medical, etc. do you want this for your kids. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Communication is key. Talk to a therapist, minister, lawyer. You have more rights than you realize.
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Before you leave start figuring out what you can do. Go to your local women shelter. They have different programs and can help you get some assistance on what to do and were you could go. It’s not going to be easy I was in the same marriage. I was very lucky that I could go to my parents house. Good luck
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Go speak w/a lawyer if there’s no trying your marriage out anymore.
Find a job, start saving, and go when you can
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Stop making excuses. You can go to school on line so you can get a good paying job, depends on what you major in as to how lon. You can get PELL grants and SGL if needed to pay for the schooling. You can stay using everything you mentioned, excuse, until you get your degree. Maybe by that time you eill feel empowered, have a reality ck and leave. The kids do not need you or his BS to deal with. It is not thrir problem.
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Get a lawyer, and have him pay for you and the kids until you get on your feet! Spousal support.
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You are married which means you are entitled to half of everything YOU 2 HAVE! You can take him through the ringer if it comes to that, child support,alimony and property! Your home might be in his name but it will be split so you can care for yourself and your children! Speak to a lawyer! You will not be left with nothing!!
It’s all worth it in the end because your happiness is important!! Stay strong and talk to someone (legal) about your rights and what you are entitled too. Hopefully he doesn’t make it any worse than it has to. Custody will be dealt with too. Divorce is never something anyone really wants to do but is the only answer in some cases!!
Stay strong mama, your kids need you to be happy too! 
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Be proactive now! You need to prove that he’s an alcoholic.
Anger rage is abuse,
You need to start making police reports.
You say he’s a good dad , but if you leave he will be an angry alcoholic with your children in his care during visitation etc.
You need to get primary custody.
The state will
Help you with your divorce, child and spousal support !
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Sorry you’re going thru this, I left twelve years ago. Hardest day of my entire life best decision I ever made. He wasn’t a bad husband. I had to fix myself emotionally and mentally. I’m now married as of three weeks ago. Best mental head space ever. Do what you need to for yourself and it pays off for your children.
Wow I know the feeling this is the life I live right now and my heart goes out to you
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If you are married, YALL own the house unless you signed papers otherwise.
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If you stay…you will always have nothing…stand up and be a good mom so you can give them something besides weak excuses! Work for giving them a good life and set the example they need…quit feeling sorry for yourself…you are just as responsible for the situation as your husband!!
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If you get a divorce you won’t have nothing. You’ll have half. And spousal/child support. Talk to a lawyer.
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He’s not a great dad if he’s treating the mother of his children poorly. A great dad is a great role model for his kids, not someone with anger and alcohol issues. You need to do what’s best for you and your kids, because I can guarantee that they can see and feel the tension in your home.
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I ended up homeless with children when I left my marriage and you know what I’D DO IT AGAIN!! Leave that toxic marriage and NEVER go back…
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“Working on things” does not equal “begging HIM to change”
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You can do it girl I’m a single mom with 2 kids I was in a dv shelter now I have my own apartment the father of the kids is a real narcissist he is homeless I support my kids on my own no help I have dhs dss help eith childcare so I can work he called cops on me cps all kinds of stuff he wants to take my kids to a shelter for a meal ticket when they have a stabile home with me he is so dumb that he filed custody papers its a joke u have no place to go why u file custody papers if I go on I be writing a book but the bottom line your a women and focus on u and your kids only and ur be fine what don’t break make u stronger
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He’s just scaring you, making you believe you can’t do it without him.
Starting over is always hard. I’ve also had to rebuild my life more than once from nothing.
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Every story has two sides. You say he won’t change but have you thought about the weight/burden that he carries on his shoulders, since he is the only supporter of the family.
Maybe he is an ass, maybe you made him that way or not but I would be interested in what he had to say
I’ve been there twice with the same situation narcissist and alcoholic, LEAVE even though you don’t have anything. You can rebuild your life you cannot rebuild the damage this is doing to you and your kids. Good luck honey
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I’m not an attorney, but most states everything falls under marital assets, unless it’s in a trust or some similar such. I would contact a few attorneys for free consultations and see what your options are.
I was a sahm and left my ex husband, son in tow. It was difficult, but definitely doable and worth it for your and your kids’ mental well-being.
There are also some really good “living with narcs” support groups on fb. Good luck, mama! And feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I’ve been where you are, it’s tough.
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Y’all are married, so you’re entitled to AT LEAST, half, and usually more than that. Anything acquired during marriage, regardless of whose name it’s in is marriage property. Before that, idk but I don’t think so. But even if it’s not, There’s many options. I know. if you choose a woman’s shelter, you’ll be moved to the top of list for low income/free housing. Or stay with a family member/friend. I was in one and I liked it. I Had a room and bed, food, rides, even make overs. They’ll file everything for you to including divorce, child care, housing etc… also, There’s facebook groups and churches who will help with necesites and furnishings until you get on your feet. And free child care through the state… You can stay where you’re at and apply for everything but they might take what he makes into consideration because they’ll believe y’all are still together… So a woman’s shelter or family/friend is better… or You can also go another route, and work from home, without him knowing, open an account and save it all. Work from home is big now due to covid, and people are begging for employees. So there’s options!! It’s hard starting over and scary but women do it everyday, just have to do it. Good luck.
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Get a lawyer. You’ll be entitled to alimony and child support
I’ve heard that anyone leaving an abusive relationship is entitled to food stamps, but I don’t know for sure. I wish I’d known to check when I escaped with my 2 sons.
Get a job?? The state will pay childcare for your kids and there are stay at home work options. If you have been trying to work on things and have been begging him to change for a while you should have already started trying to do things to help you and the kids. Yes they’re all saying you get half in the divorce. True. I’m just saying I feel like there are more things you could be at least trying to do right now
He’s not a great dad if he is treating you like dirt. You need to talk to a lawyer, maybe your local battered women’s shelter can refer you to one.
Your ONLY job is to protect your children from his psychology, he may be their biological father but now that he has displayed this level of dysfunction if falls to you to shield your children from it, just imagine being a grandparent and watching your children allow this kind of treatment of themselves because they saw you tolerate it
Not easy. But if you’re determined; you’ll figure it out
Most states have shelters for woman and their kids. They will help you get on your feet. A quick google search in your area should lead you to where you can find help.
Good luck!
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It’s marital property so yes you would have something and this is why I do not pit my happiness or my financial freedom in any man’s hands been married 17 years and have always had my own bank account and I have always worked while raising kids I still have 2 at home and 2 grown and I still am able to work you need to talk to a lawyer because your entitled to half
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There are ways around this. You could apply for assistance as separated. When it comes through leave. You could also get a job, and stash money in an account he knows nothing about. Don’t let your kids grow up in that environment.
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When you’re ready, you’ll find a way
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There are places that can help, just do it. I was in the same boat. I joined the military but lots of places are hiring and there are a lot of resources out there to help you.
What’s wrong with getting a job, you’ll also have child support and peace in your life.
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If there’s a will there’s away . you just have to do it… Making a change is very hard but once you do it , it all falls into place . God will open doors for you , Trust Him…
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I don’t care what you do or don’t have. Leave. There’s nothing in this world that’s more valuable than peace. Use government and social programs to get you going. It sucks… But you’ll make it.
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See a lawyer.
However, you have to leave FOR your children.
I’ve started over twice. Once single, once with my husband. It happens. It can be hard.
It is not impossible.
“I’ll have nothing” is an excuse to accept bad behavior. You’re excusing your children seeing this and thinking it’s ok… Frankly, if you stay, it’s child abuse.
If he’s violent, call the police. Get a record of it.
See a therapist. They usually have places that can help.
Regardless of how, pack your children and leave.
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If you leave and you have nothing do you really have anything to begin with?
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Go to your local DHS, they have resources!
Wow. Just effin wow.
"If I leave I wont have anything"
Would is you rather start from absolute scratch or continue to be put through this shiz?? Get your morals straight.
Would you ever want your kids to believe this is an acceptable behavior? Would you ever want your kids to go through this shiz?
A women’s shelter. You are being abused. You and your kids deserve safety and happiness. A women’s shelter will help you get on your feet
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You are entitled to a percentage of the house and possessions.
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Sounds like you’re giving yourself a bunch of excuses to stay. Many women start over. With nothing. You can do it too.
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Lesson #1 - never live in a house your name isn’t on half of
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Divorce him. That will help you …
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Months? No it takes more time than months sorry.
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You document every single thing. Take a look into your assets and finances. Hire a great lawyer. Get your best friend and plan to leave with her help. Make sure the kids will be okay and in a safe space for when you do leave. Or plan to have kids with you. You don’t want to traumatize the kids as this is not their fault so keeping it neutral for their sake is the biggest thing to worry about.
There’s many resources for single parents who leave marriages.
Everything bought after you got married is his & yours. Doesn’t matter if you had a job. You take care of the house & kids. Thats a 24/7 job. You don’t get paid money for!!!
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You can get spousal support and child support. Mitral things are nothing compared to mental well-being
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Everyone’s been there where they think they won’t have a way out but I promise you will
Everything in that marriage is 1/2 yours
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First thing - see a lawyer asap. Go from there.
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Attacking someone because their terrified to leave and have nothing isnt helpful at all no matter what situation she is in. She has kids, she wants and needs to make sure he kids will have a roof over their heads and food in their tummies before she takes them from their home. Give advice that will help her. Dont bring her down even further it sounds like her husband does enough of that on his own.
With that being said i would start looking into state help call your local churches and shelters they can help you find safe housing for you and your kids
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See if he is opened to couples therapy and go from there. That would be the first step.
Being in a bad marriage is hard. Being a single parent is hard. Choose your hard.
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Marriage means 50/50 EVERYTHING including the house!!! Fight him for HALF of everything! Check into legal aid, filing and representing yourself but DO NOT allow him to file first!!
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Get a job and buy your own home get a roommate or a new man move on
Seriously, I get you feel yr stuck… but only way out and onto better is for u to make that move. U will always feel this way if u stay. Good luck… even if i knew I had nothing if I left my miserable life behind…I would still leave
.all I need is my kids
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If there are any local womens shelters they may be able to help you to get started. Id call around.
I dont know what state your in but here in oklahoma you being single you’ll get soonercare for your kids n yourself. You can sign up for foodstamps. Then you can get on a list for housing one step at a time. Like everyone is saying lawyer first take there advice if helpful. Then next step making sure u have somewhere too go with your kids that you will be safe from him! Good luck momma! My inbox is open if u need to talk
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He’s not a great dad if he treats u like shit
He doesnt own the house if you are married. EVERYTHING is 50/50 unless there was a prenuptial. You can do it!
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I can say this……
As a child, I seen my mom go through too much. He too was alcoholic & not a good husband/father. My mom asked us one day if we were ok with us all parting from him…… we all were so EXCITED she asked because we wanted to have freedom & happiness.
My mom had nothing & wanted nothing… we just all walked away when he went to work & my life couldn’t have been more grateful for her courage. I never seen my mother so happy until that night we left. All I took was my alarm clock so I could wake up for school on time & 1 blanket to keep warm. My mom had all her children’s hands in hers while she took us to anywhere but there.
We had
no car
No money
Nowhere
Nobody
But we did have hope & our courage 
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You have to decide which one has more value staying with him or protecting yourself and your children to me it would be an easy decision
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Alcohol is the root of evil. Alanon for starters. Then talk with someone at a shelter.but the kids witness’s abuse
In a marriage where your a sahm you get 50/50 he will have to pay child and spousal support
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Best you can do is try to find work and child care and start saving some money so you can afford a little 2 bedroom you can apply for temporary government assistance as well . It’ll be hard but it can be done . And just have to stick it out for a little
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First step…find yourself a good divorce lawyer!! You should get half of everything regardless of only his name being on the house title.
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I moved in with my parents for a few months. If that isn’t an option, look into child care aid and tell him you want to get a job. Save what you can bc you’ll need it and when you have what you need, leave and then tell him you’re done. Don’t let him know until you have a way out.
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You are better than anything in the whole world.Get out first thing for your kids
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You will get 50% of the value of your assets minus any debt. Doesnt matter who’s name its in. Go to an attorney, some give free consultations. Get your ducks in a row and go.
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I was a sahm for 8 years with 3 children 6 and under when I left my exhusband. Open up a bank account in your name. Start putting money in if you can from a joint account if you have it. When you go to the store, get cash back. You need to get a job and child care. If your SO won’t let you, you need to leave and do it anyways. If there’s no family or friends around then you need to go to a shelter. They can help with whatever you need. I know it seems hard. I stayed for years because I was terrified. But it’s worth it in the end. You’ll always regret staying and allowing your children to live like that. You’ll never regret leaving.
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Stuff is just stuff you can always replace it but leave while you can you will be much happier
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You need to get some legal counseling. You may be entitled to more than you think. Try and hang tight and don’t leave until you know where you stand.
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Sounds like hell. He isn’t a good dad if he’s a drunk with anger issues. That’s impossible.
Don’t leave just yet. Open your own bank account. Get a job. Have him pay for the child care. Save your money and leave as soon as you can. The house can be sold and you can split the profits or he can buy you out. If you’re married it’s half yours.
Staying with him for the money will still leave you with no job or career at the end anyway. Sounds like you need a Plan B and C for your life because being a housewife isn’t going to provide you with enough to have options and choices.
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Contact your local social services department and ask them for assistance in giving you resources to agencies that help people get out of abusive relationships.
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If you stay, you’ll have nothing. There are legal processes in place to protect you. Go talk to an atty at least. They give free consults. You’ll be amazed
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