I would tell him, when he’s a bit older (I don’t think he will understand now) That sometimes good people make bad choices, and when you make bad choices there’s consequences. There’s consequences in every choice you make. Good things come with good consequences, bad things come with bad consequences. You can’t change the past, and you should be honest, because overtime he will find out anyways. In that situation all we can do for our children is teach them not to make the same mistakes we did, and to show them that when we do make a mistake we take responsibility for our actions and own up to it, and learn from it. I have never been in trouble with the law, but this is something I would tell my daughter.
From personal experience, 4 is too young to be telling him the truth about where his dad is. I agree with discussing later in life if necessary.
Honestly how you choose to deal with this situation with your son is your choice! Many ppl have opinions, but you should always go with your gut. My opinion is he is too young to understand. When his father is released and hopefully on the right path. You both can sit him down and explain then. Allow him to ask questions and give honest answers.
Well we have a 5 year old who knows his papaw is incarcerated . We told him sometimes good people can do something wrong and when they do they have to pay for their mistakes . He was fine with it and there has been no other discussion on his side . Honesty is always the best policy especially with children . Otherwise they flip the script on you and get angry because you lied to them. Trust is eroded and then all kinds of other issues crop up .
Don’t tell him anything . The dad can explain himself once the child is older . We all make mistakes and deserve a second chance . As long as he knows he loves him .
I would tell you son. Not in detail but your son needs to learn that consequences happen when we make the wrong choices in life. That he is literally in an adult time out where he has to be til he has learned his lesson.
that is a tough desicion that only you can make. if you feel he can handle it n understand then tell him the truth…daddy made a bad desicion and there are consequences for bad desicions. be sure to tell him his daddy loves him very much and cant wait to see him when he gets out.
I’d let them know mama, you don’t want to have to try explaining it when they over hear someone else talking about it, just do it age appropriate, daddy made some bad choices and is dealing with his consequences. Use it as a learning step. Be sure to let them know Daddy loves and misses them and it hurt to be away and it’s not their fault.
I’ve heard people explain it to young children as an “adult time out.” I think it’s an age appropriate way to tell them the truth b/c humans make mistakes!
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I want my kids to be honest with me so I give them the same respect. My 4 year old knows his bio father is in prison and that he had a little brother (half brother) but doesnt anymore.
VERY HONEST!! Children know a lot more then we give them credit for. Of course do it to his level of understanding. If you do this now, you will always have a good relationship with your children.
Well my kids’ father has been in jail since last August. My 11 yr old knows, my 7 yr old found out today when she saw her letter with the jail stamp on it. I have not told my 4 yr old son yet because I don’t think he would understand.
I have a 4 year old and I have explained jails and prisons as grownup time outs. She knows if she does something against the rules she goes in time out. This does not make her a bad person she just made a bad choice. I told her that when adults make bad choices sometimes they have to go to grownup time out it does not mean they are bad people just made a bad choice.
Explain to him that sometimes dad’s make mistakes. Relate it to when he makes a bad choice and has to go to the corner or gets something taken away. Let him know that good people can make bad choices and really good people learn from them. I would also let his dad know that you told him and how you explained it to him so he is prepared for any questions your son may have
You could always say, “Daddy made a mistake that took him away for a while. But he loves you very much and can’t wait to come home again.”
You don’t neccesarily need to say he’s in jail, but it starts the conversation for when he’s old enough to understand whatever his dad did.
Told my kids the TRUTH. They will find out one day regaudless. 3 oldest know dad was in prison because he hurt a little girl. My other son knows his father was in prison because he sold drugs. 
They would have found out regardless. Rather it came from me. My youngest son sees his father now that hes out of prison his father now owns a business and hires people that have been to prison. Some people deserve a second chance
I think you should stick with what you’re doing now, but take your cues from your kid as time passes. My philosophy with my boys has always been that some small lies can be useful to protect them, but when they ask me specific questions, I give them honest answers. I listen to them, and when they start asking about “grown up” things like sex, drugs, jail, abuse, death, heaven & hell, God, politics, health issues, whatever, then I give them the most honest & age appropriate answer that I can. Because they’re obviously already thinking about it, and they’ll find answers somewhere. So my advice is, if your kid is satisfied with the answers you’re giving right now, then don’t stress yourself out yet. Give yourself this time to figure out the way you’re most comfortable explaining it in the future. And listen to your kiddo, when he starts asking something more specific than just “where’s Daddy” & starts questioning the answers, then it may be time to move forward. Just my opinion of course.
Nope. Stick with Daddy is working. It’s the business of adults not children. He’ll get out and he can be told when he’s older. Sounds like Daddy is making a huge sacrifice to keep it the business of adults by not having his son visit him. You can keep the secret to protect him too! Good job Mom and Dad keeping this child innocent and protecting his self esteem. it can not be easy!
What ive taught my son is this. When you’re a kid and break the rules you get in trouble by going into time out. When you grow up and break the rules your punishment is getting arrested and going to jail. Even though youre an adult doesn’t mean you stop following rules you just have different people to listen to and if you dont thats what happens.
I dont feel like its right to tell children that bad people go to jail because thats not true in my opinion. People make mistakes and depending on how bad the mistake determines how long theyre in their time out in jail. Jail is not all rapists and murderers its also falsely convicted and drug addicts who can change.
I wouldn’t have lied but what youre saying isnt a lie because if jail did for him what it was supposed to then he is really working, on himself.
I wouldn’t lie to him. I’d just tell him that daddy made a bad decision and his punishment is to spend a little time in jail. It’s a teaching opportunity so he can learn that even adult have consequences for their actions. My boys are 6 and 3 and although it’s not their dad, they know their two older brothers are in jail and know why they are in jail.
I have always given my son age appropriate information. His father was incarcerated when he was only 4. He is now 14 and has always been a happy, emotionally healthy kid. I think it’s important to be honest with our kids; I also used it as an opportunity to teach my son that all actions have consequences. I have no regrets in how I handled the situation as I have always done what I believe to be in the best interest of my son. There is no easy choice in this situation…all you can do is what you feel is best for your child 
On this note, there is an excellent reading by Time called The Science of Childhood . Children can comprehend, and understand much better than you realize !!! They don’t get enough credit !
I wouldn’t tell him all details but I also wouldn’t say he’s working.
I would be open with fact that sometimes good people make bad choices and have to take responsibility for their actions.
How does Dad feel like this should be handled?
My kid knew. I was away for 3 years. She also realized that her mother is a badass that beat addiction, abuse, and came out so much stronger. In my life I’ve always been honest with full age appropriate truth and it’s worked for us. Best wishes
Truth, always. It helps build bonds with kids first and foremost. I don’t lie to my son about anything… both of my brothers have been in and out of prison most of my son’s life… I know it’s not the same as his dad, but he loves his uncle’s just as much… I have told him why his uncle’s have been to prison, drugs, guns, theft, ECT. My son also knows that good people have done bad things and ended up in jail/prison… and that sometimes the worst of the worst run free… I have told him how corrupt our government has and can be. He is 14 now so he understands way better… bit he’d handle the news better if u told him vs hearing it from someone else
I would say he made bad choices.He is in jail…a big timeout for grownups to learn from mistakes and be even better.Hes broke adult rules and that is his consequence.The really naughty ones dont get to come out…he is working in jail so its not a complete lie.Better he know age appropriate truth
He may already know , kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for and he may have overheard a conversation, good luck with whatever you decide
I definitely wouldn’t say he’s working. Tell him the truth. He can handle it. You dont say “bad people go to jail” but you do say when you’re an adult and you break the law or make bad decisions you can be put in jail for a certain amount of time - kind of like a time out. And they either learn their lesson or they don’t. Please don’t lie to him.
Speaking from same experience.
I had a four year old in this situation. I told her the truth. He made some choices that put him there. That was his actions. Its not necessarily bad people who go to jail but bad decisions put people there… theres a huge difference.
Yeah, we have a similar dilemma here. My hubby did 14 years. We had a child when he came home. He hasn’t been back to prison. But we never told him and he’s 12 now. We dont know how to tell him now. But he does know some people that have been to jail and are ok now and what they went for and they are good people.
Since you told him that bad people go to jail, you wouldn’t want thinking his dad is a bad person. If you wouldn’t consider his father bad because of 1 decision, you shouldn’t of labeled every person in jail as bad. I would only say daddy had to go away for a while. Hes to young to understand the concept of jail
My oldest is 10 and his biological father is in prison looking at 10-20 years in prison. He hasn’t seen him in years and almost never talks about him, but recently my son had started talking about him so we made the difficult decision to tell him. He broke down, but i think kids deserve honesty. However, 4 and 10 are completely different age groups and he might not even understand what you’re telling him
Been there. At 4, we said he was working on the railroad. At 8, he sort of guessed on his own because my husbands family was very much there for my son. At 11, he questions what he did to have be away so long. So I told him, your father stole a very large amount of money(100k) from his job and jail and paying it back is the punishment. If the crime were different, I might have proceeded differently.
Tell him the truth. Tell him it’s daddies punishment for doing something wrong. Tell him that’s how adults are punished if they do something wrong. Express to him that’s why he has to learn to listen and behave now when he’s small. But honestly depending on when he would be out I might not tell him yet since they still get to talk that often.
What you’ve been telling him is ok. His Dad is working… No need to tell him more than he needs to know right now.
Dad can explain details when he comes home and at age appropriate time. Meanwhile gradually debunk the idea he has about “only bad people going to jail”.
My ex husband did a year in federal prison state’s away from us. We all lived together until he went away kids were -9,7,3 at the time.
I told them their dad made a bad choice and even adults have consequences… it that he wasn’t a bad person and didn’t hurt anyone- all true.
At 4 it’s probably normal too him my youngest just recently started asking details and his dad has been back for about 2 years but even the one year sentence changed him…
they are actually on their first visit since October with him right now…
4 year olds can tell when you are holding something back and will have a hard time trusting. Tell him daddy made some bad choices and is currently working very hard to make right for his bad choices. You don’t need to tell him he’s in jail though. Use it as a learning opportunity that if you make bad choices in life, you don’t get to be with the people you love and care about.
4 yr olds cannot process what it means to be in jail. The truth is actually just as confusing as lying. If you can just say “he cant be here right now.” Dont have to say where he is. Stay strong and keep answering with something basic and general. Too much for him to process
My 12 year son’s father is incarcerated and my son has a hard time dealing with it. He. I personally wouldn’t tell him while he is so young.
My nieces father is in jail for 15 years. He has been in prison since she was 6. She knew him prior to him going in and my sister did tell her he was in prison because he was going to be away for so long. They talk via video once a week and he sends letters constantly. Your situation is different because he was so young when he went in and will still be very young when he gets out. I think you should just leave it at what it is now. When his dad gets out that’s something he can talk to him about.
I would wait and let his father have the conversation with him when he gets out, 6 yrs old is a better age than 4 to understand it.
Just be honest Dad made a mistake and broke some rules so he has to take responsibility for doing that just like when you break a rule and get sent to time. Then follow up with its ok to make mistakes everyone does but its important to take responsibility for them apologize and except the consequences which is what Daddy is doing.
I would not tell him yet. He will learn as he gets older. But maybe start working on the perception that not only bad people go to jail but sometimes people make bad decisions and they go to jail - maybe compare it to time out for adults. Kids are not bad if they are in trouble they made bad choices. We still love them but hope for better choices.
I’d honestly wait until hes older to tell him since you already have him the false idea only bad people go to jail so hes thoughts will instantly change and say his dad is bad something he might start repeating and could get reported to cps if taken out of context. Maybe wait until hes about 10 or if it ever happens again tell him then
Explain things to your children in an age appropriate fashion. I personally believe in telling children the truth… it’s better to deal with the hurt of the truth than to deal with resentment and trust issues after you find out you have been lied to. He speaks to him 2x a week which unfortunately for some is more than dads who are not incarcerated. It doesnt make him bad to say he made bad decisions and made a mistake and now has to be accountable for it.
I’m honest with my kids. I told my kids that jail is “adult timeout” it’s what happens when adults make bad choices and need to be grounded.
I would let it be for now. I would attempt to change how you talk about jail. I would change it to people make bad choices and they have to pay for it. Use it as a teaching lesson on what bad choices are. The small ones when he asks. DUI, stealing, you know non violent choices. Then tell him when people make these choices society demands change for this. Not that in many people’s eyes are these minor choices. I’m not sure what his daddy did to be locked up. I would let the fact that he’s in jail stay a secret for now. When he’s older and his Dad has paid for his choices. Then set down and explain them. He’s too young to burden him with this. He will make the mistake of telling the wrong person and he will be labeled. It will be a hardship for him to overcome. He shouldn’t have to deal with this as a child. The other thing is if Dad really turns his life around. It is difficult as an ex con to do that. I have seen it. They have a hard time finding employment and overcoming the talk among people. Wait till he’s older and can understand. Really important to change the narrative on why people go to jail. Good luck and I pray the Dad has really changes
Hes too young and its dads decision on how much of the story to tell… telling him he had to go away for a while is okay but I’d let dad do the rest.
Everyone keeps saying be honest and don’t lie to him but what is the bet that all their young children still believe in santa… as someone who has had parents in prison I would not tell him at this age.
Hes four years old if he was 9 and up that’s different my mom used to tell me my dad was in college I was 4 or 5 and even though apart me knew the truth I liked to think he was at school and not be worrying about it When I got older 9 years old my mom went to jail and everyone lied to me saying she was in jury duty I found out the truth in school and it was so embarrassing so wait it out but dont let anyone tell him before you do
He needs to be aware that he does have a daddy. Although daddy may disappoint him. Try not to speak ill of him. Children will learn that in their own time overtime. As long as you do the right thing by explaining that he does have a daddy that loves him very much. If you wanted to get into he made some bad choices so he’s got to fix those first and then we’re hoping that we can all get together and see each other. It’s not having the child have over expectations but it also gives a child the relief that they’re not alone out there with all the other children who have no idea who their fathers are
Be honest. State what you just told us. He will love his dad anyway. Kids are smart and they can handle a lot.
I would not tell him the truth. When he’s older yes if you and his father decide to do it. But as of now he is entirely too young to understand.
I’ve been in you shoes. I wouldn’t tell him unless you plan on taking him there to visit. Just say daddy had to go away for awhile but he loves you and misses you very much. At 4 he is just too young to understand.
I would say daddy made a bad choice and there are consequences for bad choices. He told me he cannot wait to be back home and hold you
My daughter os in the same situation and I love my grandson too much at 4 to load him down with this knowledge. When I was younger I would have said, be honest. Nope, no more, what he does not know won’t hurt him. Dummys being honest w a 4 year old. WTH? Would you ever tell him he was an accident like many wonderful children are? Hell, no!
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My granddaughter kept seeing photos of my son and kept asking who he is and where was he so I told her that was her uncle and he had done a bad thing and was in prison she had never met him and when he came home last year they met and she fell in love with him
I think the knowledge that his dad is in jail is a burden that he shouldn’t have to carry at his age. I think you are doing the right thing by not telling him.
It’s your decision. Do what you think is right.
I would tell my child the truth. If he misses his Dad that much the “working” excuse won’t last forever.
Way too young to tell him about people making “a bad decision” and going to jail. He will think if he makes a bas decision he’ll go to jail. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
Tell him don’t lie to your child never you will regret it later yes bad people go to prison but his father made a mistake and hopefully he’s learn from it and don’t want to go back he has every thing to live for his son so explain it to him don’t lie to him
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Mine might not be a popular opinion but, it’s mine and no one needs argue me on it. I believe if a child is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough for the truth. When you lie to a child, no matter the reason, you teach that child that deceit is an acceptable norm. 4 is quite old enough to understand. I’m not saying tell the child in detail what dad did…Just that dad lives at the jail right now because he did something wrong and is facing the consequence of his actions. Again…MY OPINION, no need to argue it.
I’ve been there and I was honest with my kids. My kids where 6,21/2, and newborn. He made a mistake thrusting someone who ended up lying on him. What I told my kids was dad is in jail don’t worry he’ll be fine. They said what did he do? Did he do something bad cause bad people go to jail? I said not all bad people go to jail. He did something stupid and trusted someone who was not his friend. My kids where sad and wanted to see there dad and I did take them to visit after I went first to see what it was like and when I seen the jail and that it wasn’t a bad experience I brought them. My man didn’t do a lot of time only a few months. But I felt honesty was best this way if I said he moved or was working some where the kids would have known I lied. Cause they new he wouldn’t leave with out an explanation. Honestly is best.
I think I would let his dad tell him when he gets out. That way he can explain himself to him.
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Just remember - your son will find out eventually whether it’s you that tells him or someone else. Don’t let him think you lied to him. Begin the process of changing how he views people in jail and that there are different kinds of jails. As much as the truth can hurt, don’t jeopardize your relationship with your son by lying about his father’s mistake.
He is technically working. Working to get out of jail and get back to his life. So if just say he’s working and maybe explain that time period when he’s older.
Too young to tell the truth… I used to tell my kid that her dad was at work ( he was really off on drugs). When my child got older the truth was told.
DO NOT LIE.
My son was four when I changed the locks.
He asked why dad was not living with us.
This is what I told him:
“Dad has two sicknesses.
“One is called Bipolar Disorder. That sicknesses can be helped with drugs from a doctor.
“The other sickness is called Addiction. That sicknesses is sometimes made worse by drugs.
“When someone has these two sicknesses at the same time, they can make very bad decisions.
“Dad made some bad decisions that hurt us.
“That is why he cannot live with us.”
Obviously your story is different.
That does not mean that you need to lie to your son.
Lying to him will hurt you in the long run.
Fix it now:
“Dad made some really bad decisions and he had to go to jail for a while.
“He will be done when you are six. (?)
“As soon as he is done, he will visit us.”
Leave it there.
Answer questions, when they come, simply and honestly.
If you are uncomfortable, remind him that he can ask dad next time you talk on the phone.
DO NOT make the mistake of overloading him with information.
Keep it simple and brief, factual.
Be mindful of age appropriateness. That means not all details are necessary right now.
Also, do not make excuses, “Dad did not make the right decisions.”
This is really hard.
You can do it.
And your son will come to know that being honest is very important to you.
My husband was incarcerated when mybiys were 3 and 5, i never lied to thebiys i told them the truth about their dad, i also told them that he mad bad decisions and sometimes you have to go away because of it. I was honest through the whole situation, i also taught my boys that bad decisions can hurt a family, we are living proof. Husband is home now, and boys are happy. My sons know that bad choices in life can destroy their freedom, and they dint want to end up like their father .
Be honest. This is a teaching moment. Bad people DO go to jail. He should understand that. 4 years old is old enough to know right from wrong.
Never lie to your children. (Ok there’s the tooth fairy etc)
It may make it easier for you but it’s best to explain to them that ppl make bad decisions in life as a grown up but it doesn’t make you a bad person. Grown ups have to be punished like kids do. Let it go like that and play it by ear. You’d be surprised how little details you need to give them. It’s got to be tough.
Prayers 
for you.
I would check to see if there are kid’s books on this. I wouldn’t be surprised. There’s children’s books for all sorts of situations today.
We told our son and he had just turned 3. We visited every Friday and he talked to him on the phone. Now, he’s home and it’s like he was never gone to him.
My dad was in jail when I was 4, I knew and didn’t hate my dad or think he was bad. We visited him in jail. Explain to your son this is the consequences of breaking the law,I decided I was never going to jail and I haven’t cos I saw dad there n knew it wasn’t for me. Don’t lie to kids just keep it short and simple when explaining. If he understands dad stuffed up and is being punished he won’t think he’s a bad guy,just someone who made a mistake and is being punished.
I went through the same thing with my grandson when he was 2 and 3. We told him his dad was at college. He was too young to understand and I think 4 is too young too. However, my grandson is now 7 and his father is not in his life due to threats and other stuff. We are as honest as we can be without bashing his dad.
We have dealt with family members being in jail, we are honest about where they are, always have been.
It depends on how you feel about it. Everyone is going to tell you different thing’s. He’s four children comprehend more then we think and expect. You can tell him his father was naughty and has to do a very long time out.
My daughters father has been in and out of prison since before she was born. She knows her daddy is in there and we have regularly visited him and talk to him daily on the phone. My daughter is 4 years old and I always felt that she should know who her dad is and kept it real with her.
You need to look more into his understanding of “bad guys and jail”. Is he on the emotional level of a 4 y.o or higher or lower? As a teacher that’s how we decide to introduce “hard life events” to 3-5 y.o’s
How about telling him his Dad got in alittle trouble for doing something he shouldn’t and has to be in time out until he makes it right.
I wouldn’t tell him he’s in jail. I’d simply tell him that his dad made a bad choice and he has to be away for some time to make it right. But that he loves him and he will be back as soon as he can.
My twins were 5 when daddy went to jail. We talked about it, he did a year, called frequently and we went to visit him. The bad stigma jail gets is from ppl lying about it. I took them to the jail to see him and they were happy about it, not scarred. The correctional officers were amazing about it and now that hes out they are ecstatic. No confusion, no lies, just honestly and explanation. Kids understand a lot more than ppl give them credit for
He can know when he is older and can emotionally and cognitively process the information and be mature enough to make his own opinion.
Maybe tell him that Daddy made a bad choice and he is in big people time out. My son’s grandfather is in prison and he has never met him but asked about his dad’s father. So this is in a nutshell what we told him. My son is 5.
Tell him Daddy made a mistake. Daddy is paying for his mistake
Its a good thing to stand up and admit when you made a mistake and that he is paying for it
He is not a bad person just made a mistake
I would start to take him to visit him
It is not that frightening for a child if you are not acting like it is.
There are organizations in and through the prison to help your family integrate back to society
Work and jail are not the same thing, but you can tell your child " he is working on being a better father for you, and dad will see you in two years".
My husband went to jail last year when my daughter was 3, but he was arrested out of state on his way back for her birthday. So I told her that daddy was driving too fast and not wearing his seatbelt (that’s why he was pulled over so I wasn’t really lying). So she still thinks he did a month in jail for speeding and will probably never go over the speed limit when she gets older lol
why lie? explain he made a mistake and is now taking his punishment. Lying to your kids causes them to lie in my opinion. I have always been honest with my kids and they are in turn honest with me.
My granddaughters dad, my son was in prison for 3 yrs…we took her to see him there many times…she was 4 when he went in…we told her that he made some mistakes and had to go to grown up time out for a while…she too thought bad people went to jail…we explained that bad people do go to jail but sometimes so do grownups who make a minor mistake…
We used the situation to teach her about being accountable for your actions…saddly in her case her mom also went to jail…several times…so a few years later we had the same situation with my granddaughters 2 yr old half brother that i ended up fostering…i took him to see his mom too…since he was 2 we didnt have to worry too much about explaining but she went to so often that by the time he wqs 4 and 5 visiting prison to see mommy was the only way he remembered her…
Dad came out…and has been her primary cargiver since she was 8…
Shes almost 17 now…mom is still in and out of jail and rarely sees any of her 4 kids…(3 of which she had in hopes they wouldnt lock up a pregnant woman)
You don’t have to say jail or prison if you do t want to but dont lie. Talk to him on his level and say his dad made a bad choice and has to be punished for it.
I would definitely tell him before he goes to school Things like that have a way of coming out ex he can’t play with my kid cause dad in in jail.
Id explain to my son that people aren’t bad… Their choices are… And he controls his choices like you do yours… And let that start to soak in… You’ll see his reaction or comments in life situations change… Then at that point you can entertain discussing further his father’s situation… my son is 7 now…I think it depends on your could maturity and understanding of things… I wish you the best… You’ll know what’s right for you at the end of the day
My husband went to jail when our son was 4… I also said he was at work… Now that he is 9, we’ve told him the truth as he’s old enough to understand that not just really bad people go to jail…
Similar situation here. My advice, don’t lie to him. Explain that every decision has consequences. It’s a good teaching moment.
He is too young…let his Dad have that conversation in the future when he is released. Kids have enough stress these days.
When my ex got sent away we told my youngest who was 2 at the time that daddy has gone on a long holiday, when she was 4 she told me to stop lying to her she know where he was, he’s out now but not allowed any contact at all due to the crime. I’m so dreading when she asked why see carnt see him and what he did., good luck xxx
In a way ur not lying cuz some inmates actually do jobs while in jail. I had a relative that did maintenance and also packaged cd’s and shipped them. I would just leave it as he’s working for now. He’s 4, yes they’re very smart, but in reality they don’t need the whole picture.
Very simple and to-the-point let his dad tell him, or he should at least tell his son that you have permission to tell him where he’s at. Put that responsibility back on your husband NOT yourself.
Taught my son that jail is adult time out for people who didnt learn to respect and be kind growing up so now mr officer has to teach them as an adult and its allot harder.
He knows time out doesnt mean you are “bad” you just had bad behavior
I would definitely tell my 4 year old their dad is working. But trust your gut. Maybe thats a conversation you both can have with him when the dad is out and the child is older? Kids base their self identity/worth on who their parents are, so protecting that while their brains are still so fragile is important.
I think he is too young to understand. I would continue to tell him he is working. Maybe when he is around 7 or 8 you can explain to him what really happened.