As a caregiver just like this , mom more than likely dose not wish to be the mom. Sure the caregiver is well aware of this . As the caregiver they must take legal steps if they have not already for the children.
Sounds like it’s best for the caregiver to have this care. She could also be receiving quite a bit of money a month from the dept if she was the actual assigned caregiver.
Yes you’re wrong. The caregiver is being a friend
The mother needs to have them back . Pending on her mental health that is. If she is not hands on now, who is to say she will ever be ?
Holy crap! Lots of rude people in here, huh?! I mean, did she as for her own reference or for said caregiver?
This whole thing sucks so bad for the kids and caregiver… I seriously hope things resolve themselves quickly 
It’s between the mom and caregiver so if your not the caregiver I would mind your own
If you can contact that mom… do it. Her kids need a mother and a mother needs her living children. They shouldn’t wait until adulthood to have a relationship 
You left out far too many details of this situation for an opinion to even appropriately be made without just being judgmental. Plain and simple. This situation is between the caregiver and the mother. If the caregiver is having issues with the situation, it needs to be communicated to the mother by the caregiver. If you arent the caregiver, mind your business.
So many people like to jump to conclusions and make rash decisions on things that don’t involve them because they gotta be in everyone’s life, these decisions aren’t always a positive impact of someones life, a lot of the time its out of spite. This is why so many people dont have support systems and so many single mothers AND single fathers, that have NOBODY go without support or having their own tribe, because they cant or are scared to, because everyone is so dead set on the thought that they are going to be taken advantage of or wont get anything in return. Nobody does anything out of the kindness of their hear anymore. Nobody has any empathy or love for each other any more. How crazy how many of you jump to a negative conclusion like taking that woman’s kids away when she probably really needs some therapeutic help, and this is supposed to be a mama’s page.
Personally this seems like an overstep on your part.
Have you ever lost a child? Do you truly know how this mom is feeling ?
Maybe right now she needs to be away, because it causes her so much physical pain to look in the eyes of the children that are still living.
Never , ever, anyone’s place to say what someone else should or could be doing, esp in a situation like this.
If you feel the caregiver has done too much, offer help? Or let it go.
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As a mother who has lost a child (not a baby, he was 7), my other children are the only things that kept me alive afterwards. But I know some grieving parents may find it too hard or feel like something is out of place around their other children. Like something is missing. The mother could be and probably is going through incredible depression etc. but unfortunately it’s something you have to push through especially if you have other children. It’s a tough situation and not one to be judged but maybe the mother doesn’t realize what she’s doing and is just trying to keep her mind busy.
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If you’re not “caregiver” why on earth do you care!?
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Your worried about the mom??? What about the children and how they are feeling about all this, including their loss of their sibling???
If you aren’t the caregiver then it’s none of your business
Mom may be having some mental problems. It may not be good for her to have the children. Call Child Services. Don’t take any chances.
Wow I didn’t hand my kids over to anyone on a regular basis to go have me time as that time was before I ever had kids. Moms these days wow
So is the caregiver being paid by the mother? Is this a court ordered placement? If the answer is no then why are you allowing the mom to take advantage of you? Set boundaries and without boundaries your enabling mom to do as she is doing. Are you the caregiver?
is the caregiver ok with the situation? if not then something should be fixed.
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I think that as unfair as it is for the caregiver, it’s even more unfair to the kids.
I understand the concern for the other children. These children need their mother … I would reach out to the mom make her something to eat maybe just go and be a shoulder to cry on. I watched my sister loose her daughter. My sister did cpr on her daughter till EMTs arrived. That was 6 years ago today. My niece would have graduated this year. My sister still hurts from this our whole family does. This momma needs helps to find herself again to be able to be a mom to her other children. She is probably blaming herself . Self hate will destroy a person adding a death of a child only intensifies that… please take the time to reach out to this mom and help her
You’re wrong to have any kind of opinion, unless your the mum or the caregiver. Mind your bloody business. 
Am glad to know those remaining children have someone that gives them the care and attention all kids need , but this mother seems to have issues you may not be aware of. You are not wrong in your opinion, but in the best interest of the children you might need some other family member to help or seek other help for the kids. I wish Mother’s would remember they have children and want to take care of them . Losing a child is the most devastating , heart breaking pain there is,but this one has 2 other children to love so I hope she comes back to reality soon!
Everyone grieves differently. That being said, I think it’s time caregiver reached out to authorities.
I would say if you’re not doing anything to help mind your own damn business 
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Unless you or anyone in these comments (especially the ones who are bashing) never lost a child, then I’d take everyone’s advice and mind your business, kindly. This is a very vague post with such a deep topic. So many things we don’t know, maybe try talking to her because obviously you are there witnessing all of this. You must be close to her?
I don’t see anyone asking where is the children’s father/ father’s at.
Is the caregiver a family member, did she just up and dump the children or was this a paid caregiver?
Everyone has issues with court for abandonment, issues with CPS.
If caregiver has no POA then the court going to be involved anyways especially if the mother disappears.
A quote I read when my cousin’s lost their baby boy
“To those who understand- no explanation is necessary… to those who don’t understand- no explanation is possible”
I think you are right to care about the two existing children and said caregiver however you are in some sense wrong to expect what the mum should be ready for, yes everyone grieves differently. There is no time frame on healing and there is no right or wrong way about.
Unless you’re the caregiver your opinion is irrelevant. I don’t give a hoot if you’re related to the mom. At this point you can take your opinion and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. That mom will grieve how she sees fit.
Is this a care giver that is a friend or relative ? Or a person that works for an agency or just someone that she hired?
Well let’s lift her up in prayer I personally never lost a child but I know its difficult and she probably lost her self as the caregiver talk to her about her feelings and then help her get into counseling
I mean if it isn’t directly effecting you (ex. Living in your home) then mind your own biz… I’m not trying to be ass here but what if everyone on here said ya know what yea that’s messed up… how would you change it?
Just stay out of it. If the caregiver is tired or sick of it she needs to say something Not you.
Communicating with the mom would be a great start and then take it from there. Maybe she isn’t mentally prepared after what she went through to care for her other babies. She’s got to be having a very difficult time losing a child.
Maybe even ask her if someone in her family can take over for a while if caregiver is not wanting to take care if the kids any longer.
You can think however you want, but until the caregiver opens her mouth to the mother this cycle will continue
Seems like it is between the mom and caregiver. Not your business.
I wanna know what part you play exactly because it don’t sound like your business? Sounds like it’s between them
Make her sign a paper saying she is giving the kids up to caregiver and she is VV now there Guardian if not take your kids back . Also sign over the child tax
So where is the father of these children?is he not in their lives so sad.
I think it’s irrelevant what you think or feel about the situation, It literally has nothing to do with you, So your feelings matter not.
Maybe it’s better their with the caregiver
This is between the mom and the care-giver. Has the care-giver complained to you? If yes, and you are looking for some object observation, I don’t mind you asking. I think it’s right to question this scenario, but without knowing a time-frame and other info, it’s not appropriate to give advice.
I don’t think the mom is going to come back.
Not wrong at all!! Where is the father??
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I’m sorry, I’ve missed the part where this is ANY of your damn Business?
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OP what have you done to help the mother that just lost her child???
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I stopped reading when you said she lost a child. There is no timeline on grief. Patience.
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My question is… is this an issue for you or is this an issue for caregiver ? Because that is what I will comment on…
Without dates this is hard to comment on
If you ever lose a child you would understand. Everyone grieves different. Maby she needs therapy. The kids seem better off for now with the caregiver
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I find it absolutely hilarious how people are so quick to jump and defend a shit mom but if it was a dad doing that crap y’all would be tearing him apart. Some moms are just crap. Some dads are crap. A buddy of mine has full custody of his daughter from a previous marriage because of shit like that. Some fathers are better off being sperm donors than dads. Some times mothers would better off been egg donors than mothers.
Clearly she doesn’t want them so better off where they are
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Who are you to the person and why is it your business?
Partying is sure not going to help her , maybe mom needs some serious counseling
Just be thankful for the caregiver to be there !!
Everyone grieves differently, that’s all I’m gonna say
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I’m pretty sure I know who this is about. And she needs time she is a great mother
No you are not wrong tell her to pick up her kids. Or you are calling d h s
Is everyone missing the fact that she was ditching the kids on the caregiver to go party BEFORE the baby came home sick? Obviously OP cares about the caregiver and feels that she’s being taken advantage of. There’s nothing wrong with her being concerned. You can’t blame this behavior on the grieving considering it was going on before she lost a child. Who knows if the partying isn’t what caused that poor baby’s issues? Y’all are being awfully judgemental towards OP while defending a “mom” who has been ditching her kids to go live her best life well before the tragedy.
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OP is “caregiver” maybe
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She doesnt deserve any kids…n shes Not a Mom
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You are not wrong. Families hold on to each other and grieve together.
Tina Weyandt thank you you used better words than I did & said exactly what I think too
Sounds like caregiver may be making a case for abandonment by mom 
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I lost my baby in the nicu and all I wanted was my kids around me. However we all grieve differently , to be honest if someone was to tell me go and clear your mind … we got the kids
I would go… sadly I didn’t get any help and I kept on going for my kids sake .
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She needs to sign her rights away.
the kids may be better off with caregiver at this point. tbh who are you to say the mom should do this n do that, or shouldn’t. You should try supporting mom and seeing if she needs anything etc. Also give those kids extra hugs and love instead of like “why are you still here?” vibes… caregiver too may need a break, are you busy? xoxo the world is a much greater place if its filled with more people who are kind, compassion and caring. 
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Mom wants to have her cake and eat it too:expressionless:
With what little information there is… Id say mom isnt in a good head space for the kids.
I could never judge how someone else grieves.
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Idk, not my place.
I will say if she is going to be toxic, I applaud her for keeping it away from her kids…whether it’s fair or not.
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Mom needs professional help
Is the caregiver being paid?
Let people grieve how they need. I had awful postpartum depression for a couple of YEARS after my last baby was born. I ended up leaving my marriage and moving across the country, away from my children. I needed time to sort through my grief and depression combined. Im a great mom now, the best I can be. Maybe there was another way to do all of that, but back then I didn’t see it and had no support. This is a multidimensional situation with a lot of pieces missing for us to be able to make a judgment call
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If she doesn’t feel like she can provide for them, then maybe those children being where they are is what’s best for them. Ideally it would be great if the mom would take her children but if she can’t mentally handle it then why put those children through that, would just emotional abuse at that point. Most would want their other 2 close but some struggle, it’s between the caregiver and the mom though
Personally grief or not she still has children she has to take care of bc who else would right but since she has someone to take care of them why not right? I’m sorry the caregiver is having to be so responsible for someone who might not be using them for the right reason.
Sending love & prayers 
Where’s dad at? Can’t caregiver reach out to dad since moms not taking care of them? It says she use to drop them off to party before the baby passed so id be concerned the caregiver might end up a long term caregiver. Schools about to start or already started in some places.
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I don’t think it’s your business. Instead of getting on the internet judging her figure out a way you can be there for her. Maybe help the caregivers out with the kids. Anything besides judging her!If you’ve never lost a child you have no idea what she’s going through. That should be between them to figure out. Instead of asking a group full of strangers opinions. Do better 
Ask your self why it matters to you. Then go heal that part of your self. This is a sticky situation and personal between said care giver and mom. If the care giver has an issue with the mom then she needs to speak to her and set some boundaries. Mind your business and let them figure it out. Now if you are said caregiver then open your mouth to the mom and set boundries. Fo this in a gentle way full of love. Keep in mind she is grieving the loss of her child. Remind her that she has other children she needs to take care of as well.
You are definitely not wrong! I’d think being a mom my self I know deaths are supposed to bring familys closer not further apart. It sounds like to me she just don’t care or want the responsibility of her other two children. But at the same time someone needs to be there for the other two kids they are going threw it to with the loss of the baby. It’s not fair for them. So on another note maybe the other kids are better off in the hands of the caregiver an if the caregiver can no longer car for them them maybe try reaching out to the grandparents, Or any aunt’s or uncles, they may have
While you’re not wrong… the caregiver has to be the one to step up and say they’re done
Since I haven’t lost a child, I won’t even begin to try and understand what she’s going through. If the caregiver is overwhelmed, then its time for her to speak up. But I absolutely will not pass judgement on a grieving Momma or how she copes right now…I know how losing my Dad almost killed me, so I can imagine losing a child is worse.
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Yes but I hope caregiver remains steadfast for those 2 children because they are the ones being abandoned by their mother and said caregiver is hopefully giving them a safe, loving home where they are valued.
If the caregiver agreed to watch the kids regardless of the situation she gave consent regardless. If it’s that bad why doesn t the caregiver either charge her with abandonment or stop watching the kids? It’s a pretty simple fix to the situation or the mom should give up some or all of her custody
If the mom isn’t mentally stable then no. She could possibly have depression and not properly take care of the children. For her mental health I think she should get help to be stable again. I don’t think the kids should witness the mothers unhealthy state of mind. It could potentially cause more harm than good.
Sounds like someone wants nothing to do responsible anymore…smh
You’ve conveniently left how how long it has been?? For all we know, the baby could have died a week ago, yesterday or even 6 months ago. But the bigger question here is why do you feel like it is your place to not only tell someone how to grieve but also decide what happens to those kids?? How do you know the mother and the caregiver don’t have some type of agreement in place already? It sounds like you’re just on the outside looking in and don’t really know the whole story. Also sounds like you’re kinda salty about the whole situation. A situation, might I add, that is none of your business and doesn’t involve you. Stay in your lane, sweetie. Unless it directly involves or affects you, stay out of it. If the caregiver or mother wanted your input, they would have asked.
I don’t think judging anyone or telling anyone how long they’re allowed to grieve or how they grieve is anyone else’s business. If the caretaker didn’t want to be a caretaker they can quit.
And for all your bashing this mother SHAME ON YOU!
Their grief process doesn’t run on your time schedule, it’s between the mother herself & the care giver to sort out!
I have lost a baby and I never let my surviving kid out of my care, I needed her in order to help me remind me I was alive, for hope.
Sounds like this mom who is clearing her head is using the caregiver.
Maybe mind your business??? Is the caregiver complaining? Is the mom not paying said caregiver?? Honestly, it really doesnt concern you anyway.
I don’t think it’s any ones business besides mom & care giver , so yes , you are wrong
I mean that’s shitty but I feel like time frames would’ve been good to include here
Sounds like she doesn’t want them.
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I think unless it is you, it is not your business
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I think you should mind your business.
Unless you are caretaker
It’s not your situation to have an opinion on.
It’s a child’s death like seriously…the mother is mourning. Have you had to burry a child before?
Try having a heart and keeping your nose out of something that has literally nothing to do with you.
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I would say it is between them, but if the caregiver is done, she needs to let her feelings be known. The mother sounds like she is using the death of her child as an excuse not to care for the ones she already has!! She needs to come get her children. Only the caregiver can put an end to the entire situation!!
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If the children are safe cared for and loved by said caregiver and caregiver doesnt mind there shouldn’t be a time limit … let it be u stopped reading part way through because I feel as if the care giver is better suited why change things… leave them with caregiver
If mom was dropping off the kids long before baby was born and partying, I feel like mom has her priorities confused. Taking a break on weekends or for a couple weeks is different than actually dropping your kids off for someone else to raise all together. Caregiver sounds more like the mother at this point. Mom needs to seek professional help for her depression and whatever else she may have going on. Caregiver needs to seek advice from an attorney and show her documented proof and go from there.
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Mind your business. You sound like a real shitty person. My advice to you is ask that mother if there is something you can do to help her instead of blasting her life and every aspect of it down to her dead baby on the internet. Stop being a ass and do something proactive!!
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It’s not your place like at all, caregiver is being paid let her grieve time does not heal all wounds!
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Your not wrong but I also say mind your business because if the caregiver doesn’t mind and really cares for these children then it is what it is…maybe what the moms doing is how she’s gonna cope…anyway like I said. Mind your business!!
As a mother that lost an infant child, I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t had my other 2 children already to take care if. They reminded me that I was still needed and loved. I think mom is taking advantage of the situation. Doesn’t seem like she’s ever been an involved mother from this post.
It’s no ones place to judge how a person grieves. However, she does need to make more solid or extended plans if she’s not planning on getting her kids back. It’s nothing against her at all, but the kids still need some stability while mom gets herself together. If the caregiver can no longer be that person someone else needs to step in.