Don’t judge someone for how they mourn. Clearly, the kids are with someone they know, trust, and probably love. I am particularly interested in how you left out the important fact of who this “caregiver” is. What the relationship is.
Is this their grandmother? Their father? Or an unrelated babysitter. Those things matter.
Sometimes, kids spend the summer with their father or grandparents in the best of times, there’s nothing wrong with that.
You also don’t mention how old the children are. That’s another detail it’s strange to leave out.
While some of us might need to be with our children during this, someone else might be grieving in such a way that they think they’ll make things worse for their children if they’re around them. Cause their children worse pain with their reaction. Whether through despondence or anger. In some cases, it might be healthier to get yourself under control before trying to be mom again.
We’d have to know the kids, the people involved, and a heck of a lot more to judge this. This parent may well be trying to do the best thing for their children.
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It sounds like the kids are better off with the caregiver regardless of whatever reason the mom using to leave them there.
Yes she takes her kids or maybe they r better off else where. Other family etc.
You don’t know what the mom is capable of right now and her state of mind. Maybe being with the caregiver is the safest option at the moment.
This person is seriously asking for advice as a concerned person. Who knows it could be the caregiver and they just don’t have the heart to tell the mom no. Why’s everyone being such assholes. Kids safety and concerns are everybody’s business regardless if you know them or not. So no don’t mind your business. Because what if this mom starts fucking up and gets worse. If this isn’t the caregiver posting. Maybe donate some stuff to help out even. A child’s security and safety is EVERYONES BUSINESS.
I had a former friend lose a child. She has never been the same after and it’s been 16 years. I couldn’t imagine but I would highly suggest therapy for grief. I wish my friend would have listened then.
Mind your own business. Hope you are never in that situation and have someone judging you. Geez fkg Louise
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Its not your business to begin with so whatever your feelings they are INVALID.
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What does it have to do with you? You’re neither mom nor caregiver. Mind ya own.
Sounds like you should mind your own business and let those two deal with it.
i don’t understand why this question is valid unless you are the caregiver. Does this situation affect you at all or are you just passing judgment? Are you looking for a reason to start trouble or something for the mother?
Unless you’re the caregiver, butt out.
This is between the Mom and the caregiver. Unless you’re the caregiver. Hmmm…
I think a good mind your business is in order
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This sounds like a CPS report to me?
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Not wtong. This smells bad.
And why is this ANY of your business?!
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It’s none of your business.
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Don’t judge horrible situation all grieve diffently…
Seriously just Mind your own business!!!
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Idk but what you said that everyone takes things a different way I feel for the mom and needs all the time until she’s ready. I’ve never been in that position but if I was and it happened to me I would be doing the very same thing as the mom is doing!
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How long is too long to care for someones kids?
Give the mom a break… losing a child no matter how big or how small is devastating. She probably needs time to collect herself so her living kids, whom I’m assuming are too young to understand, don’t see her at her lowest. I feel like no ones opinion matters in this situation. Just be there and give her the support she needs so she can be 100% for her kids. I’m actually kinda shocked at how rude some of the comments are.
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It depends on who the caregiver is one two she maybe saying she’s going out of state but actually seeking mental health treatment or be going out of state to do that. Also your opinion of the matter really doesn’t matter. It’s between mom and the caregiver and again depending on who that caregiver is it’s definitely none of your business. This woman may need intensive treatment to overcome the loss of the baby. It doesn’t matter what the cause of the child’s death I have never met a parent who has lost a child who didn’t in some way blame themselves. When they have other children that becomes harder because then they begin to question their ability to care for the surviving children. At least she got a CG some parents just withdrawal and kids become latchkey
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Is anyone focusing on the 2 that’s lost their Mother? How are THEY feeling… What are THEY going through?
From someone who lost a pregnancy… Not a child born (but if you’ve lost a child. … You’ve lost a child.) I couldn’t get out of that hospital quick enough to get to my 2 year old who was whaling for her Mama. I had to “adult up” and do what was best for MY CHILD.
My focus personally would be on these poor kids…
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Why feel bad for caregiver its her choice to stay around and she gets paid. I feel bad for the kids they lost a sibling and the only one that wants them around gets paid to want them man can’t even imagine what the kids must think, feel or want that’s a messed up situation.
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I have never lost a child ( thank you Jesus) so I wouldn’t know what would be best for the mom.
I have suffered depression and in my worst state wasn’t a very good mother. I’m saying this to say maybe the mom is doing what’s best for her and her children and I don’t think anyone should be judging her for it. I’m guessing the caregiver has agreed to this so I’m not sure why you’re judging this mom. Maybe you should pray for her and offer support.
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Yes your wrong.
This sounds really judgemental in my opinion.
Dealing with greif is always hard, but for a parent to grieve a child thats a whole other level of loss. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it if she isnt hurting anyone.
If the caregiver was having an issue then the caregiver could voice that. But anyone else just watching from the sidelines has no right passing judgement.
You described a person going through immeasurable pain making sure her kids are cared for by a safe adult while she is incapable.
People drink and do other partying or self destructive behavior sometimes to escape the pain they are burdened with.
I can appreciate that you have the childrens well being at heart but this seems like the opposite of a problem as well as something only people immediately involved in should get to have an opinion on.
I know this post is annonymous but if i found out someone posted about me like this i wouldnt like it very much.
I hope that woman can find some peace.
Didnt mean any of this rudely and i hope that comes through.
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Has anyone thought maybe the one asking is in fact the caregiver and feels he/she is being taken advantage of at this point. It’s possible caregiver is looking for the correct way to respectfully bow out because it’s becoming too much or they feel mom is really taking advantage.
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It is ‘mom’s’ job to parent living children even while grieving caregiver should probably call a lawyer or child protective services.
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If the caregiver is feeling overwhelmed or wants mom to take her kids back then she needs to speak up before the mom goes out of town. If she says something and mom still leaves that’s essentially abandonment on the moms part for not finding other child care for the kids. If the care giver doesn’t speak up then the mom thinks everything is fine……SPEAK UP!
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Don’t really think it’s anyone’s business other than the caregiver and the mum. It’s between them both and as long as they are both ok with it that should be all that matters
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If the caregiver is their father, this is the best situation for them. If it’s anyone else, that’s really messed up and I’m sure damaging the children either way.
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You are very fortunate to not know the answer to your question. How awful this must have been for the mother. I’m not sure why you have a problem with a mother grieving her traumatizing loss, getting her mind right for her kids, and her kids being taken care of by someone who is as caring as this person is rather than thrown in foster care. Keep the judgements and drama to yourself and offer your help. Involve yourself in a positive way.
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I think the mother’s assumption that you will care for her children for free for an unknown amount of time could be abandonment. Also - if mom is at the ‘assumption’ stage - why doesn’t the caregiver speak up? The mom appears to be looking for a doormat. Why be so obliging? Ask for child support $$ at least.
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My thoughts would be. At this point the caregiver is the best place for the kids. Everyone has a different trauma response. She needs help. not her innocent children with an unstable mother
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Is it fair? No. But for the safety of the children I hope she sees she is keeping their best in keeping them. This mother doesn’t sound like much of a mother to begin with (leaving them to party) and now that she’s experienced this tragedy the remaining 2 children wpuld probanly.not be in a good situation with her.
I love how u didn’t include how long ago this has happened. If you are not the mom or caregiver or mom butt out
Sounds like 1 of 2 things. Either 1) mom doesn’t want to be a mom anymore (I’ve met a few that have left their kids behind) or 2) mom feels really lost and disconnected and probably needs to seek medical help. Or maybe she could be going through both. These kids need stability and maybe this caregiver needs to think about if she wants to be that stability for the children. If so, she needs to keep an eye on moms behavior and make a plan.
What is your relationship to the caregiver? Because unless you are the caregiver and are upset about having to care for the children mind your own business
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I became caregiver (guardian) for my daughters children…my grandchildren. I lost my middle daughter a little over a year ago. ( not the childrens mom) I grieve…I do receive child support…I just make it work…it gets hard…they are 7 and 5 …If that person took on the ‘CAREGIVER’ role…and legally has custody…basically that “MOM” can do as she pleases. My opinion only…
I lost a child, and as a mom to my (then) 1 year old daughter and the surviving twin to my deceased son who passed away in my arms, and I can’t honestly say I was a “Good” mom until 3 years later, at 1 point I didn’t even want to be in the same room as my children for the fact that they reminded me so much of the child I would never get a chance to see again (don’t worry I’ve been to lots of counseling since then and have grown as a person and mother) grief is a horrible thing that can hit you for years and years and years. If you’re the caretaker and you can not mentally deal with the children make a point of finding someone else to help don’t leave yourself strained to help others, but you have NO RIGHT EVER to tell a person how grieve or when they should be done grieving by. If you can’t help then let someone else help. My son has been gone 4years as of this passed June and I am still grieving EVERY SINGLE DAY
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If you aren’t caregiver, it’s simply not your business. Caregiver could easily tell mom they couldn’t watch the kids anymore if they wanted to. So honestly, butt out of the situation. Also, it’s not YOUR place to say how a mother should grieve 
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How long ago did baby pass away? Are you the caregiver, or is the caregiver upset by the situation? In my opinion, it is between the mom and caregiver. If said caregiver does not want the responsibility of caring for the children any longer, than they have to take it up with mom.
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Hopefully she’s getting treatment, because if not she sounds like a terrible mom, seems like she would want to be the best mom she can be to her two that are still here with her!
If the caregiver is being compensated and agrees to it why think about someone else’s situation? I could not imagine having to parent other children while grieving the death of another.
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I’m a single mom to 3 kiddos, 2 of which are disabled. One is severely disabled and requires 24/7 full care. She has been on palliative care for probably 2 years now. I’ve came close to losing my child more times than I can count. Thank God she isn’t gone yet, but it could unfortunately happen at any moment…just as it could with any child. I will say knowing the demise of your own young child is a terrible feeling, because it isn’t something you really think about with healthy children. The toll this takes on your mental state is an exhaustion that you can never comprehend until you’re in the situation. I have no idea what will happen if my child passes before I do. I could hope I could continue to be a good mother, but until you’re in those shoes you have no idea. If you aren’t the one caring for the children then it isn’t your concern. If you are, maybe try talking to mom and just being there for her. Special needs parenting is so freaking hard and people just want support when they’re going through tough times. Give mom some grace.
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No I feel those poor kids need her the most and if she can’t take care of them she should let someone that loves them have them and sign papers over poor babies God bless all involved
I actually feel sorry for those kids
the mom needs to be the one responsible for her kids !!
Not wrong at all! Maybe the two children are better off with the caregiver!
Unless you are the Mom, or the care giver and the kids are being taken good care of I don’t think you get a say.
If care giver doesn’t want this responsibility then she needs to call someone to step in.
If its not you stay the heck out of it. It is not your business. Everybody handles grief differently. You should never tell anybody had a grieve.
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I have never lost a child. But I have lost a spouse recently and had a 8 month old and was pregnant at the time and I could not be a present mom for her. I asked my grandma to take my daughter until I was able to actually tend to my daughters needs over my emotional well-being. It is extremely hard to get back to the everyday routines after the loss of an immediate family member. Especially your own child.
In my experience I had to just push on even if I wasn’t ready. My grandma only watched my daughter for a few days. After that I was on my own to take care of her and I actually had a reason to get out of bed or make food. My mental state of mind has been all over the place and I have felt my lowest in greiving my loss. I couldnt imagine losing a child. It makes sense that you would lose yourself too. I feel bad for her babies and pray that she comes to reality for them.
If the caregiver isn’t saying or doing anything to change the situation then she’s choosing it.
Those poor babies left behind tho…
Sounds like they are better off with the caregiver. It’s not right for mom to do that tho. Those babies are her responsibility.
I’d say it’s not so much of how far away she’s going as much as how long has this been going on . Week , month , year?
This is very unfair to the children most of all!!
In the Uk there are legalities about this as it’s called “Private Fostering” and would warrant and involve long term monitoring of the situation by Social Workers after 28 days.
And this involves you how? You 100% dont have any relevance in this situation! Mabey have a look in the mirror n u might find ur own business or at least try humbel urself
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No your not wrong. The mom does not want her kids.
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Unless you are mum or caregiver then step back because it is none of your business. Perhaps they have an arrangement, Perhaps mum has additional mental health issues… as long as the kids are well looked after then nothing else matters
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They are probably better off with the caregiver!
Hopefully I will never have to understand the situation. Who knows what a grieving parent goes through? That being said, I couldn’t go days without my kids. I love them too much to let someone else spend all that time with them instead of me.
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Caregiver should contact the police to see what needs to be done
I think these “anonymous questions” are annoying when you can’t ask questions and get answers. Nobody knows anything about the situation. However, had I had a baby and it passed away being as difficult as it is and I can’t imagine the feeling. I would absolutely not be able to go days without seeing my children. If the mother was doing these things before hand, it may just be an excuse to do the things she wants even more. But in the same instance, we’re not her so we dont know. I’m sure no matter what, she’s hurting. So maybe cut her some slack and have some compassion for the mother who just lost her child!
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Imagine if that mom is going “away” for mental health treatment and someone forces her to take those children back now. What if she is so depressed she has not been eating? Shower? Cleaned or even cooked? If she can not take care of herself how can she care for her children right now? She may need some mental health evaluation or even worse what if she is feeling suicidal does not get the help she needs and then her kids find her.
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Also. We are not the mom or the caregiver. If you think it’s not right. Maybe have a conversation with them. And if you think it’s not fair for the caregiver then maybe you could help the mother out as well.
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I agree with your entire post.
The living kids need stability. No matter how anyone see it. If Caregiver is getting burnt out she should be honest
You can think what you want but making a judgement when you ain’t in their shoes ain’t fair
If the care giver isn’t happy then she needs to speak to the parent
If she is the. You need to butt out
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When my mom lost my brother it made her want us with her even more… I feel for those poor kids mom needs to realise those kids need her too regardless she had them no matter what happens in life you don’t dump off your kids like that.
I think its none of your business… its not your place to have an opinion on the matter… its between the mom and the caregiver.
Seems like “Mom” doesn’t want kids anymore. Time someone had an intervention.
That’s between the caregiver and the mom
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Well she doesn’t even have custody of zeke. Has asked several times on how to get him back on Facebook but never does anything about it because she doesn’t want him. Doesn’t surprise anyone that she doesn’t want her other two kids. She doesn’t even know who kruz daddy is. Saveya has never had a dad either. She’s a poor character a drug addict and a alcoholic. If she would spend more time taking care of her kids she might still have Rucker alive. Meningitis is caused from dirty environments. I mean FILTHY environments why would you subject a new born into a environment like that 
woman who claim to be mothers that are just drawing for a check just like Tiffany make me fuckin sickkkkk.
I think someone that has to hide behind an anonymous post needs to mind there own business if they can’t come clean with who they are don’t say nothing at all because this is not an opinion it is what you call stirring the pot. I know for a fact the “caregiver” does not have a problem keeping the other 2 kids because the “caregiver” is a family member that is very close to the mother. I think it’s a sad world we live in today that there are so many people bashing this grieving mother. When she has already been through enough.
Pretty sure if your still married you still have full custodial rights. Her husband won’t get a divorce because he ain’t over her he just a sad lil bitch boy thinking one day she will come back to him. How do you know so much about her life from the lying bastard himself. You know he cheated 1st right with his bestfriends sister once a cheater always a cheater how you think he got with tiffany he cheated on alexis 
probaby didn’t want to hear that huh… Zeke will know his mother soon. Actually she does know Kruz’ dad don’t know as much as ya think ya did. Try savayah, Andrew was her dad til he ditched her like she was nothing how do you raise a child from the time they are 4mons old to 4years old and just throw her away like a piece of trash. Talking about drug addict what’s that smell in Andrew’s car why you think she got rid of his ass he was nothing but a lazy video playing pothead probably still is. Who sets in the same room smoking pot with 3 babies while there mother is at working providing for her family… Andrew Keeling that’s who don’t be pointing fingers and judging Tiffany when that mentally abusive pos is not any better by no means you know shit! As for Rucker you definitely don’t know anything about that baby or his condition let me guess you googled that right! We could go on and on about this all night.
If you are not the caregiver, mind your own business.
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Such a personal situation . So I’d say its none of your buisness unfortunately. Unless ur the ‘caregiver’
Everyone grieves differently. If the two other kids are happy, safe, loved and healthy …does anything else actually matter ??
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I’m going to go a different direction n say that if the children are with said caregiver for a month straight with no or barely any interaction from mom, I say that caregiver should either file to adopt the children, or get mom some help. In her mind, she could see it as not having children anymore since the others have often been with caregiver compared to the time she spent with baby, she could need help to see she still has kids. But also, is caregiver being paid for their time and/or the food they are providing? Because if not, that too seems wrong to me. I totally get that everyone grieves different, but it is not fair to make someone else completely support your children.
This is an awkward one who noes how long mum needs. I would leave them to sought you could cause cause more harm than good .leave the mum be and it’s the caregiver who if no longer wants to do should sort out with the mum xx
In some states a mom can take off for up to a yr and then come back like nothing ever happened. I’ve seen it happen to a good friend of mine as the caretaker/ babysitter. I believe 12 months has to go by or enough clear evidence they dont plan on returning before they can file abandonment. It’s very sad
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Mind your own business. It wasn’t your baby that passed away. You don’t get to decide how she should grieve the loss of her child. Her and her caregivers issues, are not your business. Stay out of it.’
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I think she is taking the mike . It sounds like she doesn’t want the other 2 kids
What kind of care would she be able to give to her kids at the present time . Is the caregiver fed up of having the kids ? If so , she should be addressing the problem . Maybe , unlike you , she understands grief . Grief hits in different waves and modes . Have you ever lost a child ? Do you know how it rips your heart right out of your chest ?? If you feel so much angst , why don’t you offer help to the caregiver ?? I would’nt even suggest helping the mother because i don’t think you have a clue what she is going through .
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I feel sorry for the mom that lost the baby
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Oh lord I feel like mom is never gonna be a mom 
if the caregiver is the one that has the 2 kids and the one that took the baby I feel she is probably grieving also…
You honestly need to butt the fuck out. How dare you even be putting your two cents into this. 
I’m gonna leave it at that because I’m beyond pissed off at this post and being 40 weeks pregnant with my hormones raging isn’t helping your case.
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I’m sorry but this made me mad! Until you have lost a child, you shouldn’t judge. I have lost a child and everyone thinks I should want my other children home even more afterwards but it takes time. I love my children but they need a strong mother who is ready to be their mom, sometimes until you have healed yourself even a little, that’s not possible. So as someone who’s “been there” please be kind. You should never judge a grieving mother until you can decide which one of your kids you can live without.
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Mind your own fucking business. If you’re not the caregiver, mind your fucking own. Damn.
Sounds like the kids are in a safe place with a good person. I hope mom is able to heal so that she can come get the children soon. Only the person doing the caregiving can decide when “too long” is for them. If the mother has not come to reclaim her children at that point, the caregiver will either have to contact the mothers family, or child services. Meanwhile, pray for healing for them all.
But it’s the fact that I might know who this person talking about for me:eyes:
Who are you to question or have an opinion on any of this?
Maybe she’s not ready to take them back. And honestly? If you’re not the one taking care of her kids and the person who is taking care of her kids is supportive and is giving the mother the time she needs to grieve, in her own way, then I suggest maybe not sticking your nose into someone else’s personal life and getting people who don’t know her to make judgments on her life?
You are right, everyone grieves differently, maybe she just needs that time to herself to deal with things. Loss of a child is a huge loss and can be more damaging for her to take her children back too early. Damaging for her and damaging for the other children. As long as the children are cared for and she is doing her best to move forward, that is all that matters and has nothing to do with you or anyone else on the Internet.
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