I have been with my husband since 2009. He was still married when we got together, he didn’t get divorced until 2016 and we got married in 2017. Sometimes it’s a money issue that prevents divorces.
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She is a step mom basically if she’s in those kids lives constantly? It’s been a year. Just because she isn’t married to that man does not make her any less of a parent especially if she is taking care of the kids with him, bathing them, buying diapers and food. Y’all are some rude people for even thinking that way.
Secondly, it’s been a year and he still isn’t legally divorced then you need to give him a time line (1 momth, 2 months etc) & tell him he has so and so time to get a divorce, if he can not go through with it then you need to respect yourself enough to leave and better yourself.
To the toxic mom who can’t buy her kid diapers but can splurge herself, it’s shitty. Some women are like that and will never change. There’s nothing you can do about that but the father can take her to court and show the proof of what she’s doing and how she’s acting and hope a judge will grant full custody. Until they’re in court nothing can be done about the situation. Don’t feel bad for disliking someone who can’t take care of their responsibility.
Keep YOUR head up.
Have a serious talk with that man.
Put yourself first.
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Why hasn’t the father stepped up an taught his children these things. Or you. I agree if mom is as bad as said, she shouldn’t be in control but at the same time it’s really no better to stand by an watch a child for a year not know how to wipe, count, or do her ABCs.
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Sorry but I was married before - we were separated for a few months but when I met my current in January (I was saving for a divorce attorney and NOT getting child support for our 4 kids) you bet your ass by April I was divorced.
Run! And do not look back seriously… he doesn’t value, respect or love you enough to do the right thing. Less talk more action. He keeps promising pshhh bye!
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First he’s not yours till those papers are signed. He needs to fix that before he can fix anything else. You either leave or wait on the side lines. Sorry but he needs to focus on his kids not you.
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Y’all please stop suggesting she call CPS, they are not the answer.
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Sounds like the boyfriend’s problem. Not yours. 🤷
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Just walk away too much wrong for you to stay, just walk away
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You need to date men that are single or divorced! You may not be the first person he cheated on with, since he is still married. Are you supporting him, paying his bills? Is he living in your home. Sounds like he is as messed up as his wife. You don’t need to put yourself in the middle of his wife & kids. It is his place to buy diapers & it doesn’t matter if she gets her nails done every week. That is her business. He probably expects you to pay for his divorce, if he decides to get one. It doesn’t matter if his wife works at KFC for $11 a hour. You failed to mention were your boyfriend works & his rate of pay. Also, right now you are just his babysitter. If he has issues with his wife, it is for him to discuss with her. Since she is working, no excuse for dad not to help with child’s potty wiping. Also, he can read to kids & teach ABCs & letters. Also, I thing you need to worry about you, I feel you have set yourself up for heartbreak. The biggest problem is he is still married & has a wife. You deserve better than this. Maybe sent him home & tell him to call you when he is man enough to get a divorce, that you don’t date married men. If he loves you, you would soon find out, instead of wasteing your time. I am sorry if this hurts.
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Hmm well let’s see you are with a married man complaining about his wife about their children… seems to me you should ask yourself why you feel the need to blast a mother on Facebook. I would think a person who thinks a father/husband keeping his children overnight as a sleepover is not only ignorant but pretty shellfish herself. Newsflash but he is legally and morally just as responsible for their children as his wife is. It also seems your being judgmental about her employment choice so I’m going to guess you both work a higher grossing job maybe if she wants to keep affording diapers and treating herself to something nice she should file for child support I’m sure that will make your boyfriend happier. Try looking up alienation of affection laws in your state maybe she could enjoy that.
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Not really your business
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Yeah. Sounds like you’re ignoring all the red flags, and placing all the blame on this mother. Sounds like there’s more to the story. Because I bet you mom isn’t the only one to blame. Not your kids, your boyfriend is still legally married a year after being in active relationship with you . If money isn’t an issue then he should be divorced, Unless he’s giving her health insurance, or something like that ( which is totally something people do and that’s an okay reason to support an ex). Then at the end of the day you’re the one that’s going to suffer hard. AND countless people make economic mistakes in their early and mid 20s. Theres a lot of one sided blame here. Call cps? Is everyone’s reaction. Listen, not everyone is a perfect parent or knows how to be. Some parents don’t know how to teach. KFC is still a job, it’s still work don’t downgrade it. It sounds like mom needs to learn how to better budget, and that’s not uncommon. 5 years are still learning how to wipe themselves period, 9, and 10 years old often struggle with that task. What is she cheating? Sounds like she’s trying to survive. And sounds like you only get one piece of the story, the one your boyfriend is giving you. SO many red flags.
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Your boyfriend is her HUSBAND. And you’re coming onto social media to complain about their mother? Are you a parent? Do you see what goes on at her house with her children? No. Didn’t think so. You’re listening to your boyfriend trash his wife. What an honest soul he is so he’s given you every reason as to why he is trust worthy right? You sound like an idiot. STAY OUT OF IT. YOU ARE DATING A MARRIED MAN AND COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS WIFE/THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN. What the hell is wrong with this world 
Stay in your lane, sis.
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What is your boyfriend doing as the father of this 5 year old? This is really his situation to deal with. I am not trying to be rude…but you are the new girlfriend… and they made this child together. He was just as responsible for teaching her the ABC’s and all that. So you need to talk with him and ask him how he is going to handle this situation with his child. You can be supportive and love them both and give them both your best. But that is honestly where your duties and responsibilities are. That and that only!
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All 3 of you seem ridiculous actually
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Runnnnnnnnn u are going to always feel helpless and frustrated
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I see both sides of wanting the mom to be responsible and take care of her kids needs before her own. But ultimately it’s not the children’s fault and they shouldn’t have to suffer. I would work with the kids on the days they are with you. And don’t tell them ‘your mom should be teaching you this’. It’s still their mom so keep those opinions between you and your bf. You do need to speak to the BF to figure out what the status/holdup on the divorce and see if you guys can come up with a solution/timeline that works for you both and your relationship.
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Not to sound like a bitch because I’m sure what you are feeling is pretty shitty…
You were never going to be his first concern. He is a father just as much as she is their mother. He doesn’t like the situation he put his kids in then he should do something about it. He hasn’t because he either doesn’t mind it or because he doesnt care.
U are the girlfriend of a married man. I would ask how long he has been separated from her but in truth he isnt separated from her. He is most definitely slept with her while with you. And he uses you as the buffer when he doesn’t want to deal with being a man. If he was going to get a divorce he could have by now and money is not the reason, because those fees can be waved. I know first hand.
I’ve been separated from my husband for over 2 months. The only reason neither one of us has filed is because we don’t want to. Although I have used the excuse that it is money, I am not stupid and will not lie to myself.
Girl he doesn’t love you. I’m betting he loves that you are willing to care for the kids. But I’m also betting he has slept with her since he “left her.”
Some woman fail to see what is right in front of them…he is not single and has no place being in a relationship first. Second he wasn’t faithful to her he sure isn’t with you. And finally baby mama he is legally married to will always be his first choice.
U need to get out now and not look back
Harsh but true. Listen to all these woman telling you to run and run.
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Why the hell are you placing all the responsibilities on the WIFE? He should be spending time teaching his daughter and getting her ready for school. He should be working with her on how to properly wipe herself. And btw some kids take awhile to learn how to wipe correctly. And how much she spends on her furniture is none of your business, is her home, she can spurge on herself. You seem to hold her to such a high expectation while you are dating her HUSBAND who should be equally responsible for the same shit. If you are that worried, talk to HER husband and come up with a plan for him on how to parent his children.
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When the kids are in your care if you love them like you say pickup where she lacks, teach that baby how to wipe and her numbers letters etc , especially if you plan to be with their dad for the long haul . Let your boyfriend handle things legally with her that’s their children and you support your boyfriend however he chooses to handle her
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It’s not your fight to fight! 
so unless you tell your married boyfriend 
to step up and teach his kids these things you say they should know, don’t worry about it.
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- divorce proceeding taking over a year?
2) the mothers preserved lack of financial responsibility are issues that need to be address by the husband. 3) he needs to take the initiative when they are with him to teach them these things, it’s not all on the mother.
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I know when kids are involved it hard to walk away , the fact they are still married is a red flag ans the fact she keeps spending money like they are still married …red flag …If u guys don’t see a future maybe u should walk away and if u both have the same goals than you need to set bounds and rules as a couple tryin to co-parent .
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That’s a tough situation because you don’t want to upset her. The best you can do is offer consistency in your home. Teach the kids what they need to know and help them however you can. She should be supplying her own diapers, though. That’s ridiculous
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Its none of your buisness really if dad is not gonna put his foot down or divorce her i say move along. Unfortunately i know this first hand your a girlfriend not his wife if yall were married i ciuld see you having a say sp in what he and she does with the kids if he had a problem with the way she is raising them, spending her money, or asking for stuff he should have said something a long time ago she is using him and he allows it
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You put yourself in a bad situation. He could’ve at least filled for legal separation. When a man keeps saying, I’m going to get a divorce, and he keeps procrastinating, it’s up to you to move forward without him. He’s using you, and stringing you along. Don’t waste your time, energy, and money. There are a million men out there.
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She still wipes her kids butt at 5. That’s actually a sign of a caring mother. Lol. 2 kids ages 2 and 5 are alit to.handle. you seem really judgemental. You.dont actually have kids of your own do you? It shows. You are trash
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Best piece of advice I can give you is stay in your lane girl. If you aren’t the bio parent and no harm is being done to the child then I see no reason for you to stick yourself in the middle of anything. And I mean that in the nicest way possible! I’ve been in two serious relationships…both which my boyfriend at the time had a child from a previous relationship so I speak from experience. My first bf never did much with his daughter and yet I found myself constantly being angry with the mother over things that quite frankly wasnt any of my business. In my current relationship there is an open dialogue between my boyfriend and his sons mother and they co-parent very well together. Because co-parenting takes effort from BOTH sides to make it work which doesn’t seem like it’s the case in your situation. Sounds more like empty promises and lack of effort based on what you told us but I could be wrong 
at the end of the day you’re dating a legally married man and trying to parent a child that isnt your responsibility. Either he needs to step up or you need to step out for your own sanity sake.
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I think your heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, as a gf, you can’t do much. He has to take the initiative to fight for what’s right for his kids. I wouldn’t stand by idly for much longer. Speak up, let your concerns be known and then give him an ultimatum. If he can’t shape up, then I would ship out and hope for the best outcome for the children.
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He’s married. End of story.
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I’m in a similar situation, with the birth mother not caring for my stepdaughter. She shows up smelling like smoke, dirty greasy hair, and ripped underwear and shoes 2 sizes too small for her. She just turned 11 and this has been going on since she was 6. The courts in Texas are very “pro mom” no matter what the mother has done, like breaking her arm once and slapping her so hard it busted her lip. I would take the advice to run if I had to do it all over again. I was in way over my head, trying to be a mother to this child who needs it but at the same time with no recognition and plenty of bashing. Always being told, “you’re not the mother, dont worry about it.” Talking from experience, LEAVE!! Nothing will ever change.
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Don’t listen to anyone who says you aren’t important or will ever be important. Tell him to get the divorce he’s been promising you ASAP if he stalls or says no then drop his ass, if he listens then he cares to keep you in his life regardless of who he has to let go of. Then you as his WIFE stand your fucking place and let it be known you ain’t dealing with no bullshit.
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Do what you can for the kids while on your watch. Sounds like he has custody. The needs of the kids need to override the mother’s issues. Take the higher ground and as irritating as it is, try not to bad mouth her around her children.
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If you really live him and the kids give him a time frame.
"You have until -this date- to file for divorce. Tell him he has to fight for full custody and get texts or ANYTHING to prove she is neglecting them. But honestly with the learning thing, dad is just as much of a parent as she is. Does he not know letters, numbers, colours? My 2 year old can sing her alphabet most colours and can count to 10 but im the only one that teaches her. Dad works so im with her all day. Your bf is just as much of a parent as the mom is.
It’s been a year, is there any reason he had not taught his daughter how to wipe?
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My advice would be to stop being so self righteous and judgemental. Teach the daughter colours and numbers yourself if it bothers you. Pehaps the child has been shown how to wipe but doesn’t? Stay off your high horse and do your part to be the caring step mother. Stay out of the rest and stop judging his ex, for one day that could be you.
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First thing is first… Why are you with a married man?
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If they are not your biological children dont worry about them. I get it, your concerned. But she is the mother. And he is the father. What if the situation was reverse?
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Stay in your own lane
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I can tell u dont have children. U seem like one of those gfs that think u know it all just bc ur bf has kids, now u think ur mommy of the year. Sry to come off harsh, but u seemed more concerned then the kids father. As far as the butt wiping goes…lol… kids wipe their asses when they are ready. Me personally still wiped my kids ass at 5 bc I rather it done right, and not having poop smeared all over.
Again, not ur kid not ur choice. Stay in ur lane
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If I hadn’t ignored all the red flags, I wouldn’t be where I am today!
Although I have a beautiful daughter as a result, her dads shit. He’s been shit since I met him I just ignored it, made excuses for him and blamed the mothers. We separated a year ago and finalized our divorce 6months ago. Now his gf of a year is pregnant with baby #4 (all dif moms). Oddly to me, their relationship is nearly the same as ours, from the outside looking in, except he actually saw his kids before. Now I’m seeing what happens when I’m not there to hold his hand and help him parent, it’s only going to hurt my daughter in the end.
Your problem isn’t the mom, it’s your bf.
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Haha you wanna know how to handle what? The ex? You don’t! They are not your kids and they don’t live with you. Regardless of what she is she isn’t for you to worry about. Or coarse her husband into fighting with her. He is still married to her!!! If he is so amazing why doesn’t he take the kids? Let me guess…her doesn’t even pay 1,000 in support a month for 2 kids. Complaining cauz she took “your diapers”. Come on!! You are with a married man with kids wanting to pick on a 24 year old for things.
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See this is why I tell people without kids not to date people with kids. Definitely not worth it. Be young and when you’re ready have children with a man without them, you won’t have to worry about them have to stress over their other kids and not having time for yours 
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Some of these responses smh. Yall bash everyone my god. They are separated that doesnt mean hes still sleeping with her. My friend filed for divorce 2 years ago. The other person refuses to sign the papers so my friend is stuck. Different states have different laws regarding divorce. And at 5 she should know how to wipe correctly. Teachers in our local schools will not wipe children’s behinds. Yeast infections happen because of this. Yes he is still legally married, yes he needs to step up and confront mom. But she also helps care for the children so she should voice her concerns to her boyfriend. Would you rather her be a wicked gf who could care less about the kids? My ex’s gf has came to me on different occasions because my ex was not caring for his children when It was his weekend. It upset her and she came to me. She ended up leaving him because he put ither things above his children. She and I are still friends and she sees them at least once a month and takes them to the park because she cares for them and they care for her. Children need more people in their lives that care about them and less people who make someone feel like shit for not caring. Remember it takes a village.
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Why hasn’t dad taken care of any of this stuff? Why is it all on the mom? Not taking care of his kids, not initiating his divorce, sounds like he’s a very passive guy who’s happy to let everyone else take care of things for him. You stick with him, you’re going to have three kids to take care of and he’s one of them.
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1.) Why are you okay with being with a married man? You need to make him either leave her or you leave him.
2.) Why isn’t your boyfriend teaching his kids what they need to know? If there are 2 parents in the child’s life it is both of their responsibility NOT just hers.
3.) You need to voice your concerns with your boyfriend and then he needs to voice them with her.
People don’t change. Remember that and I think you are letting your love for him make you blind to the red flags. You need to do better for yourself. I also feel you have resentment for the fact he won’t divorce her so your looking to place blame all on her. It’s his and her problem… sorry if that sounds harsh but I’m gonna be real with you.
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Speaking as someone who has been a wife in a situation like this, no disrespect but step back. It’s not your place to parent someone else’s kids as far as her being a mother and spending money on things, that’s a conversation her HUSBAND needs to have with her. They are legally married there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. Honestly if she wanted to she could get him on adultery, get her divorce and get paid but that’s her business.
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Catlin N Chrissy this has good recipes
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Judgemental much?
You probably don’t even know anything about this woman accept what his told you and a few brief encounters over the past year when shes exchanged her children with HER husband.
I might get the whip here but I’m gonna come out and say it…
Women like you shit me to tears!
BACK OFF
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STAY OUT OF IT.
You are dating him, those are his and his wife’s kids NOT YOURS!
It doesn’t matter what she spends her money on, it doesn’t matter how she raises her kids.
Stick to being kind to those kids and STOP meddling.
I absolutely loathe women like you.
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Stop helping the mom out with things. If she has money to get her nails done, she should have money for her kids.
If the kids are behind or need help, help them. Be the parent who cares about the kids.
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Sadly, you can’t do anything. Its your bf, HER HUSBAND, who needs to put his foot down. As a mom, my children ALWAYS come first, but sadly for some, that’s not the case. I know it’s frustrating but only your Bf, the father, can do something to change this
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So are we not going to talk about how your married ‘boyfriend’ should be parenting and teaching THEIR kids as well? or just bash the mom?
And if we’re being honest, it’s not your situation to handle. You’re just a girlfriend of not very long. That’s his wife.
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As for your bf being legally married still. I’d be having him get on the divorce wagon soon.
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A lot of finger pointing going on here. I bet your BF isn’t a perfect Father either!
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The bf needs to step up as well
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Uhh wait wait wait, so mommy has all the responsibility to teach the kids but daddy gets to play house with you while not taking any blame??? That’s hilarious. Do yourself a favor, leave him. If you won’t do that then you can “be the adult” for both of them and teach the kids… So sad.
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He’s married. Why are you in this situation to begin with? Only heartache will come from this. Walk away.
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It’s not your responsibility it is the kids parents. They BOTH should be teaching their kids everything they need to know and caring for them. If he is not doing his part and stepping up to her if his kids are not being taken care of on her part then that is not someone you want to be with at all. Im a step mom, my husband is a step father. We are a blended family. Our other “parents” in the picture were not doing their part so we made sure the kids got whats best. We got full custody of them all. Now they both live out of state and have not heard from them in years. You do whats best for the kids and if he isnt, gtfo before he knocks u up to. I did the single mom thing for years before i met my husband. My daughter knew how to count to 20, in english and spanish, write her name and was doing math by 2 years old. Started talking at 4 months old and omg has not stopped. If the parents are working with their children trust me it would show. Hope for the best for you 
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I’ve been married for 5 years, but separated for 4.5 not because we dont want to be divorced, but because of lack of funds and stuff. I’m also a single parent of 2 and make around the same as her. My son who is now 6, is in kindergarten for the 2nd time. I also get welfare. There are so many different variables at play here. But I’m assuming that you have no kids of ur own because it’s easy to speculate when you have no clue. My husband’s gf and I are friends and my ex bf of 5 years and husband are friends. My kids are taken care of and want for nothing although sometimes things are a struggle.
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Run! Seriously why are you taking on someone else’s baggage? First he’s married…those kids are not your concern. 2…they’re still married so how she spends her money is none of your concern. 3…They’re still married which makes him a cheater so how can you really believe anything he says.
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I’d be reporting her if she’s trying to cheat the government they will put a stop to that real quick.
But at the end of the day only your boyfriend can stop what is happening .
Why don’t you try talking to the children’s mother instead of blasting it on face book
Also ask your self this , you have been with him for a year and he still won’t divorce her , maybe they are still hooking up ,
3… You have been with him for a year and just now asking people on social media what you should do!!! 
🤷
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They’re gonna get back together. She’s likely just enjoying her break and is just letting him pass time with you 🤷 Protect yourself and mind your business. Let them married people worry about their children. If he was really “done” with his marriage he’d file divorce papers. You can’t believe anything he says
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My question is why hasn’t he as a father filed in court to get custody of them if she is so toxic and so selfish and the kids are being abused and or neglected? His kids should come first, if he has a legitimate concern and he is not doing anything about the concern for his children’s well-being and or safety then he is just as bad as the mother.
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Stop giving her what she wants. You don’t give her diapers, guess what? She will go to the store and get them herself. Stop being a scapegoat for her and let her walk the line like every other parent out there has.
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I don’t understand why you’re on here talking so much s*** about the mother of his children and his wife when he hasn’t done anything through the courts to protect his children from such a “toxic” person. I definitely be thinking twice about a “man” who is doing nothing to protect his children.
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Girl he ain’t ever gonna leave her, stop wasting your time.
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I swore off dating anyone with kids a long time ago. No matter what, a man that has children, will be involved with the mother.
Its drama really…
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Document everything!!! When he gets divorced, it will help with custody and child support issues
Never get attached to children not legally attached to you. I watched my kids go through this and it’s not healthy to grow that when it might not be there tomorrow.
Always!! ALWAYS!! Always make sure the kids have food and diapers. It’s wrong of her but worse for the kids otherwise.
Most of all, remember that all of us mature differently. You will be able to teach her more if you are in good terms. She may not have been ready for kids
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Looks like you picked a winner with that man. If she’s broke, he’s broke, as they are still married and should be splitting anything in half. Why would someone step up when you are catering to them and sexually servicing her husband? If you are making it your job then do your job and don’t complain about it OR step back and let them work out their parenting and marriage/divorce or whatever 🤷
You put yourself in this situation and can easily get out again.
He’s the one playing you Hun. You’re feeding right into it and she knows it.
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If shes not teaching them colors and letters why arent you ? …yeah beacause they aint yours right …u dont feel like you have to. Same fucking way they not yours so dont over step it …getting her bails done dont freaking make her a bad parent wtf …if them kids arent kept from dad for no reason and if they are not physically hurt or neglected her nails dont make her a bad parent …oh and her 11 dollar job ether …u made it seem like she makes lil money…so it makes her a bad parent …if u love the guy then teach and help the children let him deal with the drama oh and the divorce …just my opinion…
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Need to rename this group “Dear Abby”
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You are a girlfriend. What she does is none of your business. It’s the father and mother’s business. They are still married. Watch out for yourself
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You’re just the other woman
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Lmao there are a lot of TRIGGERED responses to this post…like folks having flashes of theirselves in the wife and are bitter at the woman asking the question🤦🏾♀️
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If he’s not divorced he won’t be, my issue with this whole thing … your man needs to get his shit together in my
Opinion… you talk about the mother but why hasn’t the father taught his daughter anything?? Why you bashing the mom but not
Your man? Seems
To me he’s useless all around and atleast she’s working. It’s not your place to talk about their marriage when he won’t divorce her. He’s just as much to blame not just her if the little one isn’t
Learning anything … just saying
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Hmmm if he is already cheating on his wife and kids…what do you think he will do to you?Be smart about it…move on and find someone not married You are just the other woman…the side piece…to the kids you will be the home wrecker…nothing more.
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Both parents are responsible sorry but he is showing you his value of his kids aswell it’s not just a women’s job to potty train her child many single father’s of girls can potty train there daughters so can his ass wake up to yourself you might be there just so you can raise his kids for him by the sounds of it takes two to tango his just as responsible as the mother is if that girl dose not no this stuff your amazing boyfriend is just as much to blame now the money issue give nothing if she can’t provide then uses it to get custody of the kids wait he ain’t devorced her so he has no intentions of getting custody for his children’s sake look like his just killing time and your that time killer how you get them is how you lose them sis your in a lose lose situation…
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Yeah, why haven’t you called DSS, 
First of all, posts like this bring out all the bitter baby mommas and they love to use the step mom/ baby daddy’s gf to take their frustrations out on so the name calling and such is not on you, it’s on them.
Now as for the advice. If she’s not taking care of the kids, the only thing you can do is “see something, say something”. Unfortunately your place is just that. As for your man, he needs to get his divorce. They are still married and in the eyes of the law, she gets half of what he gets so if cps gets involved, both parents will need to work together to make everything right, and it will be between both parents. A year is a hell of a long time to be dating a married man and my ADVICE would be for you to either move on or push for the divorce. If she’s a shitty mom now, chances are still stay a shitty mom, and you will just make it worse trying to help her not be shitty. Best advice there, is to make her your friend. I couldn’t do that with my bonus daughter’s mother but that’s a longer story.
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Why don’t you teach them, I mean that’s what step parents do…just saying
I’m a single mom and I make $15.50 an hour plus I have a part time job and I still can’t afford a $2000 bedroom set. Wtf am I missing?? Lol
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they arernt your kids and you have no right to be bad mouthing their mother. soounds like your the toxic one. get a life and mind your own finances.
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Girl the hell u doing with a married man? He aint gon leave her yet lol get out now while u still have a chance!
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Lots of love for you woman 
stay strong, if you truly love those kids you will soon learn not to be disappointed in their mother but pity her for the loss she will have with them. Kids are smart and DO see and understand what’s going on around them. I can understand where you’re coming from believe me .
Also, if you love him and want to spend your life with him and he with you, go and find info on divorce process… Get paper work fill it out and file!! If he makes excuses, he isnt serious about it. I hope its just that he doesnt know what process to do or how to start it so if you’re both serious, help him.
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Too bad everyone just couldn’t get along. It’s what’s best for the kids. I don’t know what my ex husbands girlfriend spends her money on and its none of my business just as she doesn’t know what I spend my money on. She’s good to my kids thats all that all that matters to me. Also I’m still not married to him lol
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Throw the whole situation out. Get a new one. Hindsight is 2020.
Also, jokes aside, if he hasn’t left he probably won’t. Unless of course she is holding the situation up and you know that for a fact not just from his word. If you keep in touch with the kids be a positive person in their life and don’t talk trash about their parents because that’ll only make it worse. They’ll see that their parents aren’t great on their own, kids are smart and see all. There isn’t much you can do legally since they’re not your kids / you’re not married to the father. Step away from the situation until he’s not legally bound to her. You don’t need that kind of stress.
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Take her ass to court and have the proof that shes fucking neglecting them for here wants and needs rather than vice versa… also bring up the divorce in court all should be done thru family vout they can force her to sign divorce papers alin with losing custody for negligence
Just cause she gets her nails done doesn’t make her a bad mom just cause she gets a bedroom set doesn’t make her a bad mom!!! Geez she bought those diapers she has every right to ask fo all the left ones back, and yeah good luck on his divorce
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its not up to you to “handle” this 
its up to your bf and his wife…
This may sound bad, BUT…
You made a comment about her cheating the welfare system…If you KNOW she is doing something shady to get benefits, and have information, you can make an anonymous call and report her.(NO ONE has to know it was you). They do not play when it comes to that stuff.
I know of quite a few people who have been sent to prison for welfare fraud. A friend of mine reported his ex(total junkie) for food stamp fraud. She went to prison for five years, and he has custody of his little girl, with NO DRAMA.
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Okay first of all I’m not siding with any one him her or you , and legally married still so she’s no ex nothing they are just separated and you point out a few of her flaws but what about yours why? And what? Are you yourself doing dating a “married” man you should let him close that book first completely before y’all try to start a new chapter, y’all will never get anywhere but into drama after drama she’ll always be around they have kids together, wait until he legally divorces her then y’all can start a new life together and she won’t be that much of an issue you seem like a nice person and you deserve you can be 
with you
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Girl wait til they are 22,20,18 and 16 and the mothers been reported for fruad of the system TWICE for receiving benefits for children who lived with us. She STILL gets 1,100 in child support and now we pay to fight a legal battle to end it for the now adult children. She’s on disability for being “stupid” basically never ever ever worked. Her son got a stocking for Christmas from her that was it a stocking full of bullshit spends money on expensive ass vegan food for herself while telling the internet she’s a poor single mother of 4 who can’t feed her kids yet drives a 2019 car she’s paying for etc. 
Then proceeds to tell the adult children who confront her that I’m their mother now her job is done
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In short just fight her… (Kidding… Kinda )
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The husband/father is equally responsible for teaching his kids age appropriate self-care and learning achievements but beyond that, I agree she needs to put her kids first. I am assuming she’s asking for $$ in addition to child support. All you can do is document with a journal until enough adds up to systematic abuse or neglect and take to a lawyer to discuss changing custody. If he isn’t paying support or maintenance then that’s on him to help.
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Being a parent is more than just DNA. If you care for those kids, do something about it. Its easy to feel its not your role to be doing things their mum should be, but if you care it doesnt matter. Teach her how to wipe, teach her numbers and colours, do what the mum isnt. People can say “its none of your business” but at the end of the day the law isnt going to care much about biology and DNA if it affects the child. The only concern is that the Dad should be doing a lot more, for the kids and the divorce. Its takes more than just “making a baby” to be a parent. Fuck what textbook definitions say. Youre not wrong for calling out issues that are clearly a concern
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I can see toxicity here alright but not from the mother . They are not your children. Stop putting all the blame on the mother she is holding down a job and 2 small children . She could have got a voucher for her nails for Christmas or anything it’s so easy to judge. If their dad has concerns maybe he could help out more or fill in the mising peices and be more active in their upbringing. It is definitely not your place to be interfearing.
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To the original poster… I think this is hitting too close to home for a lot of these stupid women on this post… If you’re picking up slack that the moms dropping then you have a right to a say…
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