As long as you tell her in enough time to find another sitter, it shouldn’t be an issue. If it is, she is being ungrateful and not really appreciating what you are doing.
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I would just tell her ahead of your plans and you would love to watch her when ur not busy and your available. Its wrong of her to assume ur just always going to be available for her all the time at any time, so hopefully she understands.
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Can your partner watch her?
If your for it, tell her " I have some appointments coming up (dates) and I will not be able to watch her on those days
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Tell her so she can make other arrangements.
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You don’t have to help her at all, very kind of you, keep that in mind when you need to tell her I am not available on certain days
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Give her advanced notice
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Tell her to make other plans. Just like a real job. I need to rell MY boss I need time off.
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Let her know now so she can get another person to watch her kid.
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I think if she has a decent notice she should be able to find a replacement for the days you are busy.
Don’t feel bad tho, you have a life too. 
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If you already told her that you cant on weekends you have plans, then just let her know as early as you can “hey I have this planned on this weekend so I wont be available and wanted to let you know in plenty of time”
You’re in no way obligated to watch her children. If you want to, great, more time with the grandbabies but, if you’re busy, just let her know as soon as possible so she can have a backup plan. Especially if you’re not being paid to help out, you shouldn’t have to miss the things you want to do.
Straight up tell her - politely! Tell her you’re happy to help her make other arrangements
Just let her know ahead so she can find someone else.
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It is nice that you are able to help when you can, but she is not entitled to have you appear at will whenever it pleases her. I think you should mention it to her, albeit in a nice way through conversation. You have to make it clear that you cannot always be available, especially when you have stuff to do.
give her the dates your busy way ahead of time, so she can figure something else out 
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Most likely she depends on you to help out with the little one so she can work. If she doesn’t have anyone else to watch her and you can take the baby with you why not do it. Just tell your daughter that you need her to pick her up as soon as she is done with work because you are doing things too.
Give her a heads up with dates.
Just be straight and let her know. I’d give her plenty of notice and say it like it is. You made it clear in the beginning, you wouldn’t always be available.
It’s OK to have other plans just let her know in advance which weekends you can’t watch her
Give ahead notice so she can plan accordingly.
If plenty of forwarning then it shouldnt b a problem. I too volunteer to look after my grand babies, and am very happy for the time spent with them but I also have a life …
I would just say
hey I wanted to touch base with you and let you know that I do have a few things going on coming up soon during a couple of weekends. I wanted to let you know in advance so you had plenty of time to make other arrangements for our baby girl.
On this date I have this (I would give some details just for the sake of the relationship and so it doesn’t cause a rift. just let her know you still are willing to as long as you dont have other things going on and that you’ll always do your best to give her notice that she has the opportunity to make other arrangements in advance.
Let her know you will be happy to babysit when you can but cant do every weekend. Give her a list of the ones you cant do and promise to let her know as soon as others come up.
No tell her that you have something to do that you won’t be able to
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation? - Mamas Uncut
If you didn’t raise her you can get her a few things now.
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Ya know, I know for a fact because of my bil that going to the parent that didn’t raise you and asking for things, is the way to get things. They guilt you into it because you weren’t there for them and now is your chance. Just be careful.
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Yes, it’s normal for her to ask you for money and other things as well… you’re her mom…
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I feel like it’s probably because you guys don’t have as strong of a bond. I used to call my mom multiple times a day. Maybe try strengthening the bond as good as you can. It’s something that will definitely take time.
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I think it’s pretty normal for 18 year olds. At 18 most kids only think of themselves and what they want.
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Honestly have you ACTUALLY talked with her and explained to her why you couldn’t raise her and someone else did? Cause if she has never been told this she could be resentful because of it especially if you have other children. But as a mom if I can help my child out with something they need or want I always will. It’s not spoiling her it’s being a mom.
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Totally normal!!! My 17 yr old does this too 
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My younger sister does it to.
well I’m going to chime in here I have two daughters myself. divorcing her mother when they were really young. I paid a child support was there when they needed me when they didn’t need me I wasn’t there was not my choice. so here’s what I’m most suggest explain to her that her parents raised her or whoever raised her surely explained to her that when she’s 18 that you’re responsible for your own livelihood. it’s okay if you take her to dinner buy something nice once in awhile. but do not open that door of giving her money when she asked for it it will be a door that you will not be able to close. you say you grew up the hard way at 15 then you know what it’s about obviously whoever raised her didn’t inspire her to get a job and save her money. stop feeling guilty you’re a parent of a grown adult not a child. just be nice to her and explain to her that it’s time that she live on her own and take care of herself and that you’ll be there to help her the best way you can but not financially. that’s my take on it like I said I have two daughters or both financially sufficient they’re in their 30s and have good jobs.
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Both my 19-year-old and 18-year-old still live with me. My 19-year-old never asked me for anything he has his own money. I still buy clothes and stuff like that for him but if he wants something he will get it. My 18-year-old on the other hand is a completely different story. He has a job but he’ll always come to me and his dad if he still needs stuff.
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unless she asked why you couldn’t raise her leave that alone. she’ll just use it against you later
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You hit the nail on the head and didn’t realize it….give her what you can afford to give her…that’s all we can can do!!! Do the best you can at all times…….
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Its normal. But remember she aint that close to you so she prob doesnt see you as her mom. She wasnt raised with those boundaries and lines not to cross prob with you. You are her bio mom but not her mom. If that makes sense.
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Totally normal. My sister who’s 20 always try’s to get money off mum and dad or me. But we all say no now.
If you can afford weed you can buy a feed is what we feel.
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I am sorry this has happened to you. She is only 18 and lives with her boyfriend. Is she working? Is she going to college? The family that raised her have they washed their hands of her due to her living with her boyfriend or are they supportive? I would definitely talk to them and three of you need to have a united front with her and let her know everyone is on the same page. Buying an occasional item here and there is fine, but she should not expect it each time she contacts you and you should not to feel guilty for saying no. You were a child when she was born, and she needs to work through those feelings just like you have had to. Wishing you the best of luck.
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I feel she’s playing on your guilt to get you to buy her things. And you naturally want to do whatever you can.
If it sounds like something she doesn’t really need tell her you can’t afford it.
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Sounds normal to me lol I sometimes do that myself and I’m 25 but maybe you shouldn’t worry about it because if she was just using you she could just do that to the family that raised her. Maybe buy her some stuff to make up for not being able too when she was a child.
I talk to my 20 yo Marine and although he doesn’t ask often,he still asks.Its normal for our adult children to ask.We are their moms.
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Normal fuck I still hit my mom up for money if I absolutely need it I pay her back usually though and give her a little xtra bit if I’m not able to pay her back that’s fine too
Totally normal. They’re not quite to the responsibly independent w finances place. Do what you can and don’t put yourself out. Try to find ways to spend time too.
If a situation feels like they’re using you then talk about it.
I talk to my mother often a few times a day and she lives close by. I have a 25 year old stepson I’ve raised since he was 7. He lives 5 minutes away and doesn’t call or stop over unless he needs money or something from us. I think it’s common for the age for kids nowadays
I think it’s a mix of both, I have been my 16 year olds only parent and she is like that too, although she has always lived with me, she will be miserable for days and then nicer when she wants something from me. But she is likely playing on your guilt a little too
Once you become an adult, your responsibility not the parent or parents…don’t enable the adult child, then they assume they are entitled…
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Yeah, 18 really shouldn’t be the magical age we become adults. At 18 kids still do that kind of teenager crap that definitely doesn’t make them actual adults. It’s a phase.
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Shitt im 33 and still asking my mom for things . 
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Mine always depended on me and his dad …which he was still in high school in tons of sports and always needed expensive shoes and money and alot of things he didn’t need …he would have summer jobs when he wasn’t in school and blew all his money and we still took care of him because we are parents…he left for the Marines right before graduation and has been very independent since but we do pay his phone bill.so some 18 -19 yr Olds are still needy / depending on mom and dad…
I’d put more emphasis on getting to know each other & letting her ask questions. Maybe you can share photos of the time you were apart. Ask her about her childhood and aspirations.
If she is only asking you for money, she’s just using you. Does she have a job? Is she dependent on her boyfriend? I’d encourage her to become self sufficient.
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Well my 20-year-old daughter asks for things but she also facetimes me every night but I have also had her her whole life. I think maybe she needs time to adjust to things with you. Maybe ask her to go out with you or something go see a movie go to lunch I know it’s still money and doing things before her but you will get that time to bond at the same time
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It’s the normal of today 
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She’s 18 lives with her boyfriend she made that choice. Don’t give her money all day he time. I know it’s hard but let her make the effort. It’s ok for parents to help out their kids but it’s and take.
My 22 year old is still like this will only call if he needs something or needs money… I guess the only way your truly going to figure out what her intentions are is to sit her down have the hard conversation and set boundaries with her so you dont feel used.
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She is playing on your guilt.
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Ok so you had your oldest daughter at 15 and she was raised by your ex husband family…what age was you married and how old is your ex …cuz isn’t having sex at 15 considered statutory rape because in the laws eyes your still a child? How did they end up with her and not your family?
Not normal…
As an adult that grew up with grandparents not parents, i dont think its normal to ask parents, who you havent had a parental relationship with, to buy you things
Build your relationship and give as and when you want to, it shouldnt be about stuff, its hould be about trying to build the absent bond!
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Say no, and see what happens, then you will have your answer…
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Normal but also normal to say no
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I’m 22, I think you need to find time to hang out and talk with her, aside from her “just asking for things” - because, in my opinion, it could go either way…
If there isn’t a clear bond built / relationship between you both other than a financial one, that’s all she’ll know.
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I personally feel it could be abit of both have you ever sat down with her and opened up explained everything to her so she understands why ect I think that could be really good to do but no matter your situation you shouldn’t give in to her everytime as that is part of being a mum saying no sometimes but of course kids will always ask their parents for things ect I def think it’s abit of both which is why I feel it could be really good to sit down togeather and tell her from before u thoughts feelings and now and just letting her know u do love her also she could do small chores ect to earn money she then can, save and buy things she wants 18 is still young and not mutured still a kid if you ask me but old enough to understand the past and that not everything can be a yes 
hope that, helps
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Ask her if she would like to go to lunch or a movie… if she doesn’t reply as her if she would like to go shopping. If she says no to lunch or a movie and yes to shopping, she’s only interested in money.
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Shes taking advantage of your guilt and manipulating you. Kindly yell her you want a relationship with her if she does but you can no longer give her money or things
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My adult children don’t always pick up or respond but they have their own lives to live…. However they will return my call or respond eventually and no it’s very odd for them to ask me for money
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MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT GIRL… I FEEL LIKE YOU OWEEEEEEEE HER.
THE SAME WAY I FELT ABOUT MY NO GOOD ASS PAPA ; THAT CAME UP RIGHT; OFF TO MILITARY/COLLEGE;
CAME BACK A HEROIN ADDICTED FOOL.
MY NANA HAS BEEN EXTREMELY EXTREMELY GOOD TO ME BECAUSE I AM SURE SHE HELD A LOTTTTTT OF GUILT FOR HER SHITTY ASS SON ALWAYS SO STONED WHEN HE PERMANENTLY CAME HOME FROM THE MILITARY.
THEREFORE; SCREWED UP HIS WHOLE LIFE OVER HEROIN & NEEDLES.
SO ASHAMED EVEN THO’ HE IS 6+FT. UNDER.
AND…YES MY NANA OWEEEEED ME & TOOK GOOD CARE OF ME, PAID FOR MY EDUCATION& LEFT ME A TRUST.
SINCERELY;
SOMETIMES, I AM A BITTER, SELFISH BITCH& STILL HAVE THE HATE THERE; ALTHOUGH MY PAPA IS DEAD.
PS: judge me or not; i could really care less.
Most of the time I am in my own world/lane where a lottttt of you you & you should stay
My oldest is 26 with kids of her own and still does this. Although if it’s excessive she could be trying to take advantage of you because of the situation. My daughters only ask when they really need something and most times it’s for their children. I won’t give them money, but if it’s an honest need, I’ll help them out.
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No. I never texted either of my parents for things like that even when I was 17 with a kid or when I was separated from one of them. Sounds like she’s using you and she knows if you say no, she’ll throw her situation with you in your face.
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Normal that is why you have to set a limit and boundaries…
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Lol very normal bit dont allow her to use you for material things, say no when you dont want to or cant.
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Some will use you as much as we allow because they are selfish. Doesnt have anything to do with whaf you have done.
Yes. My 16 year old is like that. I was like that too unfortunately. I didn’t realize what an asshole I was being.
This isn’t a normal situation. Hard to give you a good response. All kids do this but is she willing to spend time with you for lunch or errands or bonding time? I’d push for some of that. I understand wanting to give her things and do for her what you have not been able to do up until this point… The hard thing is determining where to draw the line when it comes to her being appreciative and you guys developing a relationship and her being manipulative and using you. Only you can gauge that. Based on the little you’ve told… It sounds like it might be pushing towards she’s taking advantage of you. You need to seek the more special quality things with her which is time and communication. If she’s not willing to give those once in a while as well, you may need to sit and really consider things
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It’s a bit of both. If it’s something she really needs and you can help, then do so, but if it’s just a want then don’t give in. She has now chosen to live with her boyfriend so she needs to grow up and be responsible.
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Kids, even young adults, seem to be much more entitled. They have preconceived ideas that a parent should always provide for them. Sounds like she was well cared for by ex fam and never had to want, great but it may just be she was a bit spoiled. Tell her you want to make sure you have a relationship that isn’t based on her financial needs and is deeper and more meaningful. She is 18 and still sort of a kid, even if she is living with a boyfriend she hasn’t been out on her own in real world for a long time yet. Maybe ex fam is not providing much now and she looks to the next parent. We teach our kids dependency and there should be a safety net for emergencies but also this needs to be clearly outlined what that means, not amazon list of things she wants. Maybe Say hey, those are great birthday gift or Christmas ideas or here is a limit of how much I can spend. I’m assuming you have your own bills too. If you don’t teach her that she needs to earn her way, you are doing her a disservice for later in life.
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Welcome to being a parent.
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I have some personal experience with this. I didn’t meet my dad til I was 18. We had nothing to really bond over and so much time had passed that I felt like he owed me alot. He would give me money buy me things take me to dinner even take my friends along with us. I appreciated it all but still that was our only relationship. I based it off of what he could do for me because I was a teenager who like I said felt like he owed me alot. So my advice to you is try to build a relationship without all the extra things. Helping her financially is ok but if you give her an inch shes bound to take a mile. Just my experience.
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I would tell her you don’t mind helping her out every once in a while if you have the resources, but you don’t always and sometimes you’ll have to say no. Tell her you’re anxious to have a good relationship with her and say that you would love to have her over for lunch or supper… go to yard sales together… whatever doesn’t cost a lot… and that sort of thing. She may get the hint.
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Buy birthday and Christmas presents and leave the constant requests alone. Ignore them.
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I am 37 with a 10 yr old and I officially all my mom for money but I text her everyday and talk on the phone at least once a week she like far from me… but I have siblings that mom raised from birth that just call when they need something and it definitely hurts my mom and she definitely feels used
I would tell her that your not an ATM machine or a store, she can’t just contact you only when she needs something, don’t let your past with her make you feel bad because you did what you thought was right, yes, kids and young adults do it but your the parent and she is the child who is fully capable of getting a job and getting these things she’s asking for, for herself. Tell her you are her mother and you will support her emotionally and with love but your not going to just buy her things, if you don’t stop it now it will be harder for the both of you later, she needs to learn she’s an adult now and with that comes responsibility
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Also I agree with another who said to ask her out for lunch or movie if she says no or doesn’t have the time but will jump on the shopping trip… you will get your answer
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My son 26, still is this way… under lying anger issues… I think.
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It’s not normal but not or be mean you weren’t really there so maybe you’ve accepted the way things are maybe she hasn’t just my opinion . I don’t want to say she’s using you but never really having a relationship she probably feels like you owe her . Maybe come up with a plan on spending more time with her , set a budget on the spending you do on her . Best of luck
It sounds like right now this is how she’s connecting with you. Maybe later she will ask for more time with you. If she doesn’t, bring it up qnd have a good, long xonvo with her.
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She’s 18 and now living on her own. The purpose of a mom is to call when you need help.
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All kids just want things from their parents. Even if she is just using you for material gain, let her, she deserves it from you
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As a former spoiled 18 year old, we all a little selfish at that age. As a now 37 year old who annoys her mother with her neediness (attention and visiting) it gets better. Lol
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My son is 19 and tries to get stuff from me every day. He always says I’m “mom” which stands for made of money. I informed him that is NOT what it means. And I’ve been there since day 1 with him.
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Sounds like you owe her. 
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Most kids even adult kids look to their mom when they want or need anything. Heck my kid called today asking for me to make food.
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No it’s not normal. Common, but manipulative. She’ll play on your guilt as long as possible.
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She doesn’t know you as a parent and right now she may not want to " force" a relationship. Give it time. Maybe she has unresolved issues so while you might have forgiven yourself, she may not have forgiven you. She is only 18. You can calmly and gently let her know how you feel but a lit of teenagers are selfish so don’t expect her to receive what you are saying. When you can help out do. When you can’t then don’t.
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I hate talking on the phone so when my oldest adult son calls me, I know he always needs something, which made me realize that’s how my mom must have felt. EVERYTIME I called her I needed something. I totally understand now. Every family is different. If it bothers you enough then you should talk to her about it 
really
I feel like she’s using you. Regardless of what has happened, to only talk to you when she needs something isn’t a relationship. Talk to her about how you feel.
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Depends on a lot of things. Are the things she is asking for out of reason ? Maybe she wants a lunch date once in a while. My folks and I talk twice a week or so. And if not it’s a quick text of “hey you still alive”. I’m 42. When I first moved out (at 19) my mom brought me out shopping for household items and a stocking of cupboards. She gave me a $$ amount and I could buy one item or as much as I could fit in the cart that is around budget. Now that being said. She knew I would pick filling the cart over getting that big screen tv. She knew she was giving me a helping hand not a hand out. Does your daughter need the items she is asking for. And to this day if I’m at work and one of my kids (some adult and some not) says mom I’m sick, I still call my mom to run and grab a care package and she always does. Care package consists of things from tissue, cough drops to Gatorade. Whatever the kids needs are. That being said. It’s not unheard of for her to call me and say “hey when you drive by this store, grab this item”. We use to pay each other back but found it easier to just let it go and it finds its way to even it out. Once a parent always a parent. But and a huge but, allowing her to find her own way is not going to hurt her. No she doesn’t need a new phone. She needs shoes or utilities being paid. But she needs to know the difference. Don’t let her take advantage of you.
Coming from a mom of adoptive children it’s hard. You are the birth parent. You have been lucky to know where she was and visit now. But to get you are an acquaintance. Whether it’s an international guilt trip on get part or not. You’re being used .
You did the right thing allowing others to adopt) raise your child. Having said that does she consider you family
This info is based on someone who met their biological mom, was happy to know and meet her, but not family not forever friendship. The birth mothers was in her face so to speak
Sad but no matter what you don’t get that time back and or buy her acceptance
Try setting up monthly visits with her , when you together offer to. Buy her a good lunch and go from there. You did what you had to. She’ll understand one day.