Welcome to being a parent.
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I have some personal experience with this. I didn’t meet my dad til I was 18. We had nothing to really bond over and so much time had passed that I felt like he owed me alot. He would give me money buy me things take me to dinner even take my friends along with us. I appreciated it all but still that was our only relationship. I based it off of what he could do for me because I was a teenager who like I said felt like he owed me alot. So my advice to you is try to build a relationship without all the extra things. Helping her financially is ok but if you give her an inch shes bound to take a mile. Just my experience.
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I would tell her you don’t mind helping her out every once in a while if you have the resources, but you don’t always and sometimes you’ll have to say no. Tell her you’re anxious to have a good relationship with her and say that you would love to have her over for lunch or supper… go to yard sales together… whatever doesn’t cost a lot… and that sort of thing. She may get the hint.
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Buy birthday and Christmas presents and leave the constant requests alone. Ignore them.
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I am 37 with a 10 yr old and I officially all my mom for money but I text her everyday and talk on the phone at least once a week she like far from me… but I have siblings that mom raised from birth that just call when they need something and it definitely hurts my mom and she definitely feels used
I would tell her that your not an ATM machine or a store, she can’t just contact you only when she needs something, don’t let your past with her make you feel bad because you did what you thought was right, yes, kids and young adults do it but your the parent and she is the child who is fully capable of getting a job and getting these things she’s asking for, for herself. Tell her you are her mother and you will support her emotionally and with love but your not going to just buy her things, if you don’t stop it now it will be harder for the both of you later, she needs to learn she’s an adult now and with that comes responsibility
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Also I agree with another who said to ask her out for lunch or movie if she says no or doesn’t have the time but will jump on the shopping trip… you will get your answer
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My son 26, still is this way… under lying anger issues… I think.
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It’s not normal but not or be mean you weren’t really there so maybe you’ve accepted the way things are maybe she hasn’t just my opinion . I don’t want to say she’s using you but never really having a relationship she probably feels like you owe her . Maybe come up with a plan on spending more time with her , set a budget on the spending you do on her . Best of luck
It sounds like right now this is how she’s connecting with you. Maybe later she will ask for more time with you. If she doesn’t, bring it up qnd have a good, long xonvo with her.
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She’s 18 and now living on her own. The purpose of a mom is to call when you need help.
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All kids just want things from their parents. Even if she is just using you for material gain, let her, she deserves it from you 
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As a former spoiled 18 year old, we all a little selfish at that age. As a now 37 year old who annoys her mother with her neediness (attention and visiting) it gets better. Lol
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My son is 19 and tries to get stuff from me every day. He always says I’m “mom” which stands for made of money. I informed him that is NOT what it means. And I’ve been there since day 1 with him.
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Sounds like you owe her. 
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Most kids even adult kids look to their mom when they want or need anything. Heck my kid called today asking for me to make food.
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No it’s not normal. Common, but manipulative. She’ll play on your guilt as long as possible.
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She doesn’t know you as a parent and right now she may not want to " force" a relationship. Give it time. Maybe she has unresolved issues so while you might have forgiven yourself, she may not have forgiven you. She is only 18. You can calmly and gently let her know how you feel but a lit of teenagers are selfish so don’t expect her to receive what you are saying. When you can help out do. When you can’t then don’t.
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I hate talking on the phone so when my oldest adult son calls me, I know he always needs something, which made me realize that’s how my mom must have felt. EVERYTIME I called her I needed something. I totally understand now. Every family is different. If it bothers you enough then you should talk to her about it 
really
I feel like she’s using you. Regardless of what has happened, to only talk to you when she needs something isn’t a relationship. Talk to her about how you feel.
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Depends on a lot of things. Are the things she is asking for out of reason ? Maybe she wants a lunch date once in a while. My folks and I talk twice a week or so. And if not it’s a quick text of “hey you still alive”. I’m 42. When I first moved out (at 19) my mom brought me out shopping for household items and a stocking of cupboards. She gave me a $$ amount and I could buy one item or as much as I could fit in the cart that is around budget. Now that being said. She knew I would pick filling the cart over getting that big screen tv. She knew she was giving me a helping hand not a hand out. Does your daughter need the items she is asking for. And to this day if I’m at work and one of my kids (some adult and some not) says mom I’m sick, I still call my mom to run and grab a care package and she always does. Care package consists of things from tissue, cough drops to Gatorade. Whatever the kids needs are. That being said. It’s not unheard of for her to call me and say “hey when you drive by this store, grab this item”. We use to pay each other back but found it easier to just let it go and it finds its way to even it out. Once a parent always a parent. But and a huge but, allowing her to find her own way is not going to hurt her. No she doesn’t need a new phone. She needs shoes or utilities being paid. But she needs to know the difference. Don’t let her take advantage of you.
Coming from a mom of adoptive children it’s hard. You are the birth parent. You have been lucky to know where she was and visit now. But to get you are an acquaintance. Whether it’s an international guilt trip on get part or not. You’re being used .
You did the right thing allowing others to adopt) raise your child. Having said that does she consider you family
This info is based on someone who met their biological mom, was happy to know and meet her, but not family not forever friendship. The birth mothers was in her face so to speak
Sad but no matter what you don’t get that time back and or buy her acceptance
Try setting up monthly visits with her , when you together offer to. Buy her a good lunch and go from there. You did what you had to. She’ll understand one day.
She is using your guilty feeling to use you to get things and if you don’t stop it now than that’s all the relationship is going to be …my children and I are best friends we talk just about everyday yes once in a while they need something and I will help but 99% of the time it’s not
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Coming from and adult child my mother is always so busy. There are times I beg for her attention but she’s so busy it just hurts the both of us when I ask. She feels bad because she cant be there for me and I’m upset because I want to spend time with her and can’t. She is probably worried that she’s bothering you or you wouldn’t have time for her.
She’s using you. Sounds like she’s manipulating you and playing on your guilt. You did the best you could for her, you don’t owe her anything. Parents aren’t there to make purchases and give monetary gifts, especially an adult child… the fact people think it’s acceptable to only reach out to your parents when you need something is insane and sad to me.
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She is using you instead of connecting with you.
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Sadly I think she’s putting a guilt trip on you. Sit down and talk with her, let her know that you love her and can help her out occasionally but you don’t have the resources to keep giving non-stop. Yes all teens ask parents for money and things but if that is the only time she contacts you, we’ll that says it all.
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Children are money and life suckers it doesn’t stop when they are adults. I love my children and I would do almost anything for them. As adults I slowly started to start saying no to things money wise. If it’s their birthday or a holiday you give gifts then of course I buy them something they want or need. Not 10 things but maybe 1 or 2 things. I tell them now you need a new car or want to redecorate your bedroom it’s up to you to figure out what you can afford. Do not co sign for anything I learned the hard way with an apartment. Luckily it got rented again right away. Now when I have grandchildren someday it’s a different story. I will spoil them rotten .
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I would be honest with her the next time she asks for something…you seem to only contact me when you want something…what do you want our relationship to be.
Also you could say no when she asks and see what happens then.
As it stands now, you really don’t have a relationship…you are a store
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I think its more normal for girls than boys. My 22 yr old son never asks me for anything and he still comes to stay with me every weekend when he has off work. My 16 yr old daughter acts like I’m rich and I really don’t see that changing lol.
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Well when i was younger (I’m 28) I always asked my dad for money after being 18. Always in a bind and needed his help. I only lived with him for maybe a total of 1.5 years. My mom had most custody and he had visitation and every summer flew out to see him, he paid. Trying to shine light that he’s an awesome dad and I don’t even talk to my crazy mom anymore. I haven’t normally sent links to things I wanted unless it was christmas or birthday time and he was asking what i wanted. But there’s been times he sent me hundreds of dollars via wester union and he currently still pays my car insurance. Only 3 years ago he quit paying my phone (me and my family our able to pay it and I don’t want to burden my dad more). But like my dad always did, with in reason and build boundaries and limits. There was many times my dad told me no or that he didn’t have at to help me and i might have upset but eventually understood.
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Also props for you actively staying in her life while doing what you believe was best for you 
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Send her this post and ask her point blank what she wants from you and that you can’t just be an easy mark to get money from.you two need a face to face talk!
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I think all of us feel the way you are describing bc our adult children ask us for things all the time. I would make the decision with yourself about how much you want to give her when she asks. Picking up a toothbrush at the store is one thing: buying her a couple pair of $60 jeans is another. See what happens when you cut the purse strings. Good luck to you!
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I’m 29 and I still hint about stuff I want to my parents and if it’s a necessity they’ll always get it for me…
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As a now grown woman with a non existent relationship with her mother I have a few things to say.
She is using you (sorry)
She didn’t have the relationship every child deserves with her mother (not judging whatsoever!)
She’s feeling like the world owes her something… and you are the world.
She very probably feels either angry or like you owe her something and asking for money is like running a tap! It’s like a wound that needs a constant new plaster, I’m sorry if this comes across wrong, but she doesn’t have a “relationship with you so she has no reason to care” don’t just bin her off though! Be her mum tell her no! Hug her let her know you love her and you’re proud of her! Things will get better with time, just be her mum babe, that’s all I can say! I wish you both the best of luck and so hope you can get your mum daughter relationship where you want it to be xx
Edit if you would like to PM me please do! I have no judgement! It’s nice to see a mum trying to reconcile a relationship with her daughter!! We all make mistakes! I have made more than most! Xx
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My mom didn’t raise me
It’s hard to have the same kind of relationship you want to have. That relationship forms from childhood who they run to…
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Also the laughing faces to this… you clearly grew up in very entitled homes and have never had to face a real issue in your life! Go sweep the M6 
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Kids don’t want things, they want their parents. I get that you were young, but she wanted a mom. Now, she sees you as someone she can use, and she feels she’s entitled bc you weren’t around to raise her. To answer your question, no, this isn’t a normal parent/child relationship…I’m guessing since there’s so much emphasis on monetary things, she was showered with things from her dads family. She feels you owe her since you weren’t around as mom and she has little respect for you now.
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Help with bills and groceries if needed. Material items are for special occasions like holidays. Theres a dif between helping and spoiling and spoiling is helping with non essential items she can go without.
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You made a very tough decision and done what was best for her.now she wants your attention and wallet.help her but tell her no occasionally.
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The only way you will know for sure is to have a conversation with her. She might feel as though you owe her. She may also feel some resentment because you didn’t raise her but you have other kids. Even though she’s 18 she’s still just a kid. 
Also FYI, this parenting 
doesn’t end at 18. Sorry to tell you but parenting is for a lifetime. Sometimes they may need money, advice or even a place to stay. It varies depending on the child/adult.
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My dad wasn’t around a lot when I was young. Now when I speak to him it’s when I need something. Money or help travelling somewhere, which he always is happy to help. We struggle to commicate so I think he likes it when I ask for help lol.
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I’m 35 and have 3 kids of my own and do this to my mom. Every once in a while she buys me something that I told her I wanted. It’s like 1 every 6 months. your good. Enjoy your daughter. Love her and just be there.
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For those laughing remove yourselves
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My older siblings grew up with their father who kept them from my mom for the most part. They also had little to do with her unless they wanted something. Eventually they just had nothing to do with each other. I’m sorry but she’s using you. She wants to guilt you into providing for her now. I’d do with her what I do with my children when they ask for things. “thanks for letting me know. I’ll add it to your (birthday, Christmas) list.” Then follow through & give her 1 or 2 items off her list the next holiday. You do not have to bribe her into having a relationship with you. Either she wants it it not.
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It is very hard to know where she is coming from. My congratulations to you as it sounds to me as though you made the best you could of that situation. Your daughter is still at that adolescent teen stage as far as her wants. You might want to consult with the people who raised her as it sounds like they did well, as far as things you provide for her. I personally would rather go over the top with giving to her than denying something she might really want and that would keep you in good standing with her. You missed out on a lot I am sure and think keeping in her good standing is really going to be important going forword.
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I would not give her everything she wants. I would do things with her. Help when needed. If she doesn’t want to spend time with you. Then I would love her. But she will have to decide what she wants when she grows up.
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My oldest is almost 20. I dont hear from him unless he needs or wants something. I raised him from the time he was born and i feel like i have a non exisitent relationship with him till it time when he needs or want something. It hurts me big time.
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I too was a Mom at 15… I raised her and siblings. Now grandchildren, that’s what kids tend to do. I have finally gotten to a point that there has to be limits. Pic of my oldest and I when she graduated from H.S.
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Linda Dayton Hello, my good friend! I am sorry to disturb you. I’m new and new here, I know send you text here without your concert is rude, please add me on private or send a request so that we can chat here as friends, if you don’t mind please
Sounds like emotional manipulation! Especially if it works! We are dealing with similar issues with my partners adult son, but he is in his mid 30s AND his dad was always part of his life! Child or not, don’t let her take advantage of you like that!
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I have no idea why people are laughing.
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Outwardly she had a good life but I guarantee she always atleast inwardly asked herself why her mother wasn’t there and was hurt by the fact that you weren’t. That’s not a judgement on you, I think it’s great that you got to stay a piece of her life and that she had what she needed and I think you did the right thing, but she’s probably thinking to herself well she wasn’t there so why not buy stuff for me now
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It’s normal…I have a 16 year old I raised and although she has a job she will ask for things that she believes I should pay for like school supplies school things and i tend to agree. For the most part she buys her own clothes and shoes that she wants. My son just turned 19 and is in the Army and is self reliant but sent me links to things he needs. A mother doesn’t stop mothering its a life long thing.
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This is very common at this age, especially given that your relationship with her isn’t as strong as it would be had you raised her. That’s not a criticism at all. You were a child and weren’t able to raise a child. It’ll take time.
I’d be more concerned that she’s moving in with her boyfriend at 18. Make sure she’s on birth control and that she’s doing it for the right reasons. At 18, most couples are NOT ready to live together.
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She is guilt tripping you. You were a child with a child and you did the best you knew how to. Don’t give in to her every whim. She’s an adult and has to live as one.
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For those of you saying it’s normal, no it’s not lol. Bc it’s common doesn’t make it normal. I’m 21 & do not ask anyone for anything, never even thought to. It sounds like a lot of you never gave your children anything more than money/gifts so that’s all they ask for now. If they don’t have a connection w you it’s probably bc of what they experienced from you as a child whether you think you did the best you could or not.
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It is somewhat normal so to speak. Just don’t give her everything unless it’s needed and she can’t afford it. You have to pick and chose. Eventually you guys will have a different relationship. But I’ve helped my kids with things. Just don’t let her take advantage of your niceness or let her pull a guilt card.
Bit of both. Does it really matter you owe her. Set boundaries as you go
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My mom constantly gets me things and sends me gas money and orders Amazon to my house, she tells me that’s what she’s there for. To help me and to give me things I want while I provide what I need. She loves me and wants to give me things. She raised me but it was a rough time so we have problems too but, I don’t use her or go crazy when I ask for stuff. I actually rarely ask she just gives me things, she said it’s what she’s supposed to do.
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She probably is asking for these things because she feels you should since you were not there for her growing up
I would definitely but her some things w a limit and discuss it .
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If the only time you hear from.her is when she wants somethimg, my advice would be not to give it to her. Sounds to me like she is using your guilt for not being able to raise her as manipulation. So you are just enabling her. Maybe just tell her at birthday and Christmas she will receive gifts. At other times of the year try to schedule time to do things together.
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Id say its normal self absorbed teen/young adult behavior but shes likely taking extra advantages of you. Dont fall for it. Spend time . Take her to lunch . Pay for things to do together but dont buy her material stuff.
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I guess it depends on her maturity level…. Like if she still thinks like a kid or not. I’m assuming since she’s moved in with her boyfriend then she must be somewhat level headed and mature. I think she might be taking advantage of you in my opinion. You can buy her all these materialistic things to show your love that you couldn’t give to her before if that’s the only way she’ll accept it idk.
We have 21, 17, 17, 7… it’s a blended family situation, 2 were his, one was mine, and we have 1 together now. They all live with us, and they tend to pull this type of behavior mostly on the opposite parents. Usually the other parent feels guilt or the need to appease bc they are not consistently seeing the kids. So they give in. We Occasionally spoil, but overall have taught them that is not how life works. There are expectations and limitations. When we say no, They either go to the other parent, or buy for themselves. 2 of the older ones have jobs and that makes things a little easier, but I think it’s just normal current generation. There’s no way I’d be comfortable ever doing that to my parents, but it was certainly a different time when I was their age.
If she can afford to move out and live with her boyfriend she shouldn’t be asking for everything. Once in awhile maybe but make it. I will buy you groceries and bring them over. Sending you links to things she wants online after not speaking for days is disrespectful. She is playing you and if you do it she will never have respect for you as a mom or person in general. She shouldn’t have moved out if she can’t support herself. Don’t feel guilty because you did what was best for her to give her a better life. You have nothing to make up for because you still seen her while growing up when permitted.
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TLDR; it depends on the dynamic of your mother/daughter relationship.
Tbh it’s hard to say. To most people it’s normal but I think the amount of money also plays a part. My mother didn’t raise me. She abandoned me and my siblings when I was 5 years old. She came back into my life when I was 16 and pregnant. Today I am 26 and my mother and I have been no contact since July 2021.
When she came back into my life I did what I could to build a relationship with her, and none of that included asking her for money or to buy me things. She lived with me in MY house from October 2020-July 2021
When she lived with me, my wife and I paid all of the bills, bought all of the groceries, etc. I think out of the entire 8 months she lived with me I asked her maybe once or twice if I could BORROW money until payday to get my nails done.
Other than those few times I never asked her for anything other than her time, and love. And by July 2021 she proved that she had no love for me in her heart at all. A burden I’m glad to be rid of.
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It sounds like she thinks you owe her something, for allowing others to raise her. She seems entitled. This isn’t normal for her to communicate with you when she expects you to do all these things now that you’re trying to mend a relationship with her. She’s using you. If you give in to everything she wants every time she asks, she’ll keep asking for it. Set boundaries. You did what you felt was best for her. If she cuts off communication because you’re not enabling her entitled behavior, it’s what’s best and forgive yourself for being taken advantage of, not for cutting off the entitled behavior. You can love her from a distance.
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Cut the money 
off! No way. Let her find her way.
Set some boundaries as to how and what you can help with. All parents need to do that according to their own situation. If you are feeling used then your gut is probably telling you the truth. Why your daughter is doing it is more the question and she will test you and see just what it will take for you to not be there. Speak with her and be honest and say I don’t have the financial resources to buy these items. I hope it works out for you both.
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She is using you… guilt tripping. I would learn to say know. Does she work?? Undoubtedly she is a spoiled girl.
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Honey i had to do the same thing. My boys live with my mom. I had to make a choice to give them the things i couldn’t provide. I loved them so much. I think this is normal. Granted my boys are still young they call to ask for what they want and i gladly provide it…
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I would be embarrassed to ask anyone for this, no matter my age or the relationship. I absolutely think you are being manipulated and taken advantage of.
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I understand her. My mom died when I was 10 and my dad was in the USA (we were in Mexico)
And I would call my dad to ask him for things and it wasn’t because I wanted to use him. But because he was my only hope or because I wanted love. Asking for material things it’s easier than ask for company, atención or love from an absent parent.
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While it is normal for her to ask and want things and money from you, it is not normal for you to give in to every request. Help when you can if it is important but not all the time for frivolous spending.
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I hear from my daughter quite often…I do buy her alot of items… because it’s Christmas or her birthday…but not to hear from her and when you do she wants something…like money or gifts…she feels you owe her…and you out of not wanting to lose her completely…will continue to buy her things and give her money…if it’s not Christmas or her birthday…lay back on the gifts and money… because she is only using you…
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My daughters dad and his family had her and raised her full time from the time she was about 1-2 years old because I was in no place to be able to take care of her and I knew they could provided for her what she needed. Her dad passed away when she was 2 1/2 years old but I let her stay with his parents and brother as I was not going to take her away from them and I was not in a healthy relationship at the time myself. I got her every other weekend and then if we had something special going on I could call and get her and holidays we split. She is now 18 when she was younger we didn’t have a real mother daughter bond when she turned 16-17 that is when things kinda changed for us. She wanted to spend more time with me and we did and then she ended up moving in with me as well. She came out to me and to her dads family and they say it’s just a phase of her life but I know my daughter and have known a long time because of this is why she moved in with me because I support her and love her no matter who she loves and she text me and I text her and it’s not to ask for money or for me to buy her things. She could be doing it to get attention from you as well but as said above I wouldn’t purchase everything she sends just because she wants it cause that will lead to you being used.
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You know you did the right thing for her… but does she? Have you had the deep talks explaining “your side”, your reasons & your feelings about it all? She may be “using you” out of anger that she built up over your not “being there” for her… I’m not judging anything, just adding a different perspective. Her “understanding” of the situation may be very different than yours. I would also like to add that while 18 is considered a young adult most minds need more time to mature, to get a clearer view of things. Wishing you long talks & closeness with your daughter.
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That’s probably what she grew up with so she thinks for someone to love herthey must buy her things.
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Let her grow up an WORK for what she needs, she have a man, you are not a BANK, you did the best,
As a 21 year old living away from my mom who raised me I ask her for stuff all the time. I feel horrible about it most of the time and often tell her how guilty I feel that I don’t spend any real time with her anymore. She comes into town all the time to help me out with my little one and I am a full time college student, working full time and I have a couple side gigs to bring in money where I can. I definitely think part of the reason I don’t reach out when I don’t need anything is because I’m busy, however it’s also because our lives are so separate now that it’s hard to explain what’s happening in my life without also having to give the lowdown on every single person I mention in whatever story I am telling. I also find myself complaining a lot when I do call my mom often and then I feel bad because I want her to think of me as successful and not the completely stressed out mess that I am. So I would maybe keep reaching out to her with things that don’t require a response but let her know you’re thinking of her.
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Not normal.
Sorry, similar situation. My son was happy just knowing his mom, finally.
However, had he suddenly started asking for gifts/big favors, I would shut it down.
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I will just tell you, I was adopted. I pray my mom feels no guilt. No one is able to raise a child at 15 and it sounds like you did the right thing. Yes it is normal in some families I think.
I just tell the kids it is not a good time- if they ask for something or money!!!
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A mother is irreplaceable! She might have had a “great” life but she didn’t have her mother. You did what you felt was right at the time and you need to explain that to her. Perhaps she feels you owe her…
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Completely normal. I have a 19 year old and an almost 18 year old and the almost 18 year old lives with me. My 19 year old hardly ever replies except when he wants something. I’ve accepted the fact that they’re just young adults and this is just how they are. And I raised the both of them pretty much on my own.
Completely understand you not wanting to enable bad behaviors in order for a more authentic relationship to evolve but it sounds like she feels you owe her something. This feeling won’t go away unfortunately, although you made the right decision in giving her a better life, a girl needs her mum. She maybe feels you owe her for the absence?
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Instead of buying her material things, why not suggest experiences you can do together? Take her out for coffee, brunch, go to a movie etc etc.
You can both then get to know each other better too!
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It sounds like you both need some therapy and long talks goes a long way my mom does the same thing because it’s the only way she shows her affection I don’t take advantage of it but I learn from it I have four children and I was a young mom of 18/19 and was married twice my first husband took my first born away from me when she was 5 days old when he put me in a mental hospital she will be 16 this year and not a day goes by wondering what will happen when we do see each other I just hope and pray she knows how much i love her and care for her i pray for the both of you and hope you have found a common ground
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I have a 12 yr old who lives with her dad’s side of family as I wasn’t in a stable home since she was 2 yrs old. She rarely talks even if I msg her it will be g if I ask her how are you and what you up to its nm then doesn’t bother talking anymore and she only sees me every few months. I find it very hard myself she won’t put photos up on fb of me and her but she puts profile pics up of her dad and his wife and her other siblings and says how much she loves him even tho he rarely sees her or talks to her and she said when he goes over there he doesn’t even say hello to her.
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Honestly, it’s both. You both should go to therapy together and work on building a relationship.
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She is using you, and you know it…be prepared for her to cut contact when you say no. It also sounds like the dysfunctional family life is about to continue. Not that she would listen to you, but I would talk to her about already moving in with her BF.
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I don’t have any adult children, but I am an adult child. My dad would say I only call him when I have problems with my car. He always comments on it 
I do call him other times too but he always says it’s only when I want something.
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It is hard to say… gifts could be her love language
You need to try to communicate as often as possible momma.
Maybe let her know if you are struggling financially.
I would write her a letter and explain my side of why you could not be there for her when she was young. Maybe she needs a deep explanation from your heart so she can have a better understanding of the why’s.
As she grows older she will learn, life will teach her and she will understand more and more .
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this situation? - Mamas Uncut
I’m petty. So he says it’s hise house. Then tell him u pay all them bills big dog. U wanna throw shit in my face then bet. I got me. Get you!
Get your car fixed and get your own place…let him sort his own sh** out he will soon be crying
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I’d say well I just have someone else fix it and quit paying his shit
Girl… leave he’s a grown ass man! About time he started acting like one!!
Let him pay for his own house and leave. Get your own place.
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