Let her go. It’s 1x a year. Maybe he will let up if he sees you giving in a little.
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You’re the “narcissistic” Person in this situation. “If he has her miss school or she is tired” it’s an issue. You’re a control freak and need to calm down.
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Respectful question, if I was in this situation I would reach out to whoever helped you file this. I don’t know… maybe your attorney or maybe you can call the courthouse it was filed with and ask , just like you did here. Let us know the outcome? There could be other parents wondering the same thing. 
If it says he gets her Fri-Sun once she starts school he should be bringing her back Sunday at the time he’s supposed to since it’s a holiday that doesn’t take off school days. If he doesn’t want to communicate and work these things out you’ll need to get your order amended to literally spell out every detail and it’s going to be a REALLY long 14 more years if you guys don’t figure out how to communicate with each other. If he’s truly a narcissist then you’ll have a harder time than most but people are so quick to call everyone a narcissist these days when in reality dealing with someone’s bitter/shitty human behavior doesn’t even come close to what narcissistic abuse victims go through.
Just tell him to drop her off at school.
Mine lives 4 hours away and gets my son every other weekend from Friday to Sunday 6pm-6pm we meet in the middle my son starts school tomorrow and I’m dreading this every other weekend thing especially on pickup because we’ll just be getting home in time for him to go to bed🙄
If it’s his scheduled holiday and schedules weekend visitation period YES YOU will be in contempt if you interfere with it
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It’s not about you. It’s his holiday - make it work. You’ve got a lot of years ahead of you.
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I can understand the question you are trying to ask, with this being court ordered you cannot interfere with what’s been stated, But at the same time the holiday stated intervenes with a school schedule you both agreed too. So in saying that he needs to have said child back to you at the agreed times. I would apply for another sitting with your attorney and organise another court hearing to rectify any other possible clashes in the future. You can and will get into trouble if you do not hand said child over for his agreed times.
Most towns have their Halloween festivities on saturday if it falls on a weekend. Check with City Hall in his town to verify. Reasonable time frames need to be in place to accommodate school. My daughter was with her dad every other weekend. He had her from 3pm Friday to 3pm Sunday. We did this to allow our children to settle back home and prepare for their next school week. Hopefully he will allow adjustments to better serve the needs of your child. If not a return to court may be required.
It’s one time. It’s not ideal but no reason to make it a big deal. Let her miss school that day. I mean perfect attendance is ridiculous and unrealistic anyways 
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You need to let her go. Communicate what time her school starts on Monday and that he needs to take her on Monday morning or if he would like bring her back to you on Sunday night after trick or treating. Do not bring up how tried she will be all kids will be. If he does not take her to school on Monday document what happen so you can have it changed next time because it was not clear in the order what is to happen. However two things are clear right now. It is his time to have her and she also needs to go to school on Monday.
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Let her go. If she’s late or misses the day because of dad its a mark against him
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With my ex husband we dix half the say at dads n the rear at moms or the other way around
As long the man taking care of his child stop being an ass let the kid go
Pick your battles. It’s his year to have her and seeing as she is only starting school this year. She won’t be missing very much if she didn’t show up to school on the Monday a lot of kids will be missing the Monday I’m certain. But she will gain the memory of going trick or treating with dad and let him know the time school starts. If he doesn’t drop her off just document it. But your going to have a lot more to figure out in the future and attorneys are very expensive. I would let it go.
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It’s 1 day of school if she misses it. Here I’m NSW AUS kids can have 2 days off in a row without anyone batting an eye.
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It’s a court order, comply. It’s one day out of 365. Let it go. Pick and chose your battles. In all honesty if she is that tired, keep her home on that Monday.
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You have every right to be concerned …as a mother who wants systems to work.
All I can say now is let’s see what happens …As for her being tired children are usually resilient. However if he does not take her to school or to school on time DOCUMENT it then go back and tell the judge not that you are being petty but that you need an amendment to the initial ruling anytime he has her over till Monday or school day he should ensure that she gets to school and on time.
I do not think we need to bash you …This is real concern …just do not rule the judge and do not fall bait in his trap …
Just keep calm ignore his stuff and ride whatever storm
And ladies it is a big deal how…that’s why divorce hurts kids…But staying in an in working relationships hurts them even more
PRAY HOPE DO NOT WORRY
Padre Pio
Good luck All is well leave them be
It’s really not that big of a deal, this is pretty standard visitation. He will either have her back at the scheduled time , or he’ll have to take her to school the next morning. Honestly you should have discussed it with the Judge before agreeing on anything. However, since you didn’t you have to follow the court order, and allow him to be a parent. He’s not messed up in regards to her, so let him have his time. It honestly sounds like the problem lies with you, and not the child’s father.
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I think a holiday with their parent is way more important then one day of school. Let her miss and make some memories with her dad.
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Never go against judges order. I get your concern but all it takes is you to go against judges order just once and the judge could look down on you for it. I know it sucks but I’d let her go and hope for the best. Let her make memories with her dad. An if dad is doing good with her just be thankful for that and the rest will work itself out eventually. I’ve been co parenting for 7 years and my son’s 12 with a dad who well I’ll be nice 
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If it were me id simply just call her off of school the next day. That way she can have a chill day after a day of excitement. I sometimes allow my kids to have days off of school. I dont see an issue with allowing that. Its one day a year
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Modifications take months to do, if it’s his day with the kid let him be a parent . How he’s was during your relationship has absolutely nothing to do with how he is as a father Now . Yes your daughter will arrive to school on Monday a little tired … buuutttt it’s simply one day . Now if it happens continuously theeeennnn we would have a problem
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Listen- let him gang himself. It isn’t pleasant. But In my experience- follow the order and when he doesn’t bring her to school, the judge won’t like that and the order can be modified to avoid those issues. Trust me when I tell you that he will inevitably f up and it will be on him.
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As a momma who’s also co-parenting with a narcissist I just want to say to this momma…it’s an experience everyone can’t/won’t understand if they’ve not lived it. PLEASE don’t allow some of these responses to trigger you 
If the child is not in imminent danger, always follow the order and remember that both of you are responsible for your part. If the baby doesn’t make it to school on time or at all while in his care, that’ll be his hiccup and not yours. Do what you can and give yourself grace for the rest 
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He gets her and is responsible for taking her to school. You’re probably going to have to let this ride for a little bit and just wait and see. You can’t go to the judge with “I don’t think he’s going to” you have to wait (unfortunately) until he has numerously made her late or held her from school then you can go to the judge with the attendance log and request for it to be changed.
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I’d call my case worker and see what she says. They usually do trick or treating a different day if it lands on a Sunday. If he doesn’t take her to school, that makes him look bad. Weather he lives an hour away or not, definitely needs to take her to school!
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My advice is don’t go against the judges order. It will only be used against you later on. Try your best to come up with a solution between the two of you with out going back into court. Just ask if on the school nights if he could have her home earlier so she can get settled in. If not. Then give a chance and see what happens. If he gets her to school on time. Then ok. If not. Give him a few chances. If it gets to be a issue. Then go back to court.
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honestly? I think the only thing you can do is let her go because it’s court ordered and anytime this sort of thing happens, keep it documented if your child shows up for school or not. also remember that perfect attendance can often have horrible effects on a child’s mental health as well so maybe it would be a good thing even if he didn’t bring her the next day as long as she doesn’t get in trouble for missing. good luck mama. i hope it all works out in the end.
Let him take her and if he doesn’t get her to school on time fully rested then complain to the court that he’s not doing what he needs to… If he messes with her schooling the court will put a stop to it because it’s important for her to have a education and if he can’t comply to that the court will step in… My cousins ex husband gets his kids every weekend but he sometimes has a issue getting his kids to and from school because he also lives a hour away from his ex and kids so the court changed his times he isn’t to drop them off at school or pick them up he is to take them to his exs and she is in charge of school…
He just has to take her to school that Monday. And if he doesn’t make sure you get something from the school saying she didn’t go. For future adjustments if needed. Maybe he’ll take her…
Call your attorney and see what They say bc if he wants to be an ass about he can and then you will be in breach of contract and can get in trouble
1st- if you have these issues then why did you agree to sign this?
2nd- if it can be changed it needs to state a time for return if the following day is a school thing day
Let her go, she’s in preK, not that big of a deal. I’d talk to dad and explain my concerns and say just try your best to have her at school, maybe he will, maybe she won’t make it at all and if she doesn’t, document it so if it becomes a repetitive thing then you can go back to court and fix what’s going on. But as of right now it’s the court order and you violating that will only come back on you. Especially with there being no problems of it before.
Do not go against that order whether you like it or not. You go against the order and your likely to make it worse for yourself and you could end up losing more of your time for it. It’s just 1 night of the whole year, just figure out a way to make it work. Dads want to be a part of those experiences to, so courts make it fair. That’s almost the exact agreement me and my ex had except him was every other weekend he got them. But I was very civil about giving him as much time as he wanted with them. Sticking to the order and just working around days that may not work the best but just dealing with it is your best bet
I live an hour away from my kids father and school and they get to school on time when it’s my week. Of course it’s a lot of driving on my part but it’s part of my responsibility.
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If it’s day by court order it’s his day . get him back to court and get things changed to what best for your child. Good luck
You have a couple different options: No matter where he trick or treats she needs to be home by 10pm or he takes her to school the following morning and if he doesn’t document it.
Not everything is always going to work out with the court agreement. If she misses school, or is late it’s not a big deal. It’s Halloween, let them do it together. There are plenty of nights that she won’t get enough sleep.
He’ll get tired of it. If he slips on her attendance that’s him breaking the court order. It’s just an hr.
So trick or treating would positively be done by 8pm. For a little one. Home and he would have to bring her to school the next day. As long as he puts her schooling first there is not a concern here until it’s neglected.
If you are really concerned about her well being while she is with him then y’all should not have agreed on anything. I would suggest taking this back to the judge before you take any action. Halloween is not normally included in standard visitation as a holiday. The only holidays that are split up in normal visitation is Thanksgiving and Christmas. Normally how that works is the year you have the child for Thanksgiving he gets them at Christmas. Christmas is done kinda weird. If you have the child at Thanks giving then you get Christmas break up to Christmas Eve and the other parent gets them Christmas day up till school starts up. If he has them at Thanks giving then you get Christmas day that year. All other Holiday’s just depends on if it falls on his weekend or not. The non custodial parent get like 3-4 hours on their birthday and 1 month out of the summer with prior written notice as to what month they are wanting them. They will also get spring break every other year and weekends are normally the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of each month. So some months they will have them 3 weekends.
If you count the days on the calendar for the whole year it boils down to each parent having 6 months out of the year. With court orders there isn’t anything you can keep her for with you possibly being held in contempt of court. With that being said if you want to change up your orders than keep this in mind. If you withhold the child from the other parent till y’all go back to court, then by law they other parent can do the same. It becomes a civil matter at that point. In my opinion I would speak with your attorney about your concern and getting something in writing. It is a very fine line to cross when it comes to court orders of a minor child. You will also have to carry the burden of proof of your concern for her well being. Not to be mean but, to someone that has actually gone through this with my oldest it sounds to me that you seem to just be uncomfortable with the fact that he is an hour away and as a mom I understand but if you didn’t have concerns for your child well-being while y’all were together (you stated narcissist and abusive) then where is the sudden concern coming from other than being an hour away which isn’t that far away to have that kind of concern. If he never did anything toward the child then give him the opportunity to be the father he needs to be. This right here is the main reason that father’s end up being absent parents after getting seperated/divorced.
Once again I wasn’t trying to be rude in my opinion by any means and I apologize if that is how it seems. I do truly hope this helps you.
File a modification or follow the order otherwise you can be held in contempt. It’s not who the judge will side with it’s an order.
I dont see anything wrong with him bringing her back on Sunday a little late. It’s one night. Not a big deal.
I used to pick up
My kids Sunday nights two hours away. Just let him have his time. If she’s tired she’s tired. 
She could be sick on the day you never know what will happen by the time Halloween comes
It seems that no one wins in a divorce. And that is very sad.
My great grandkids go every other weekend to their dad’s. Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 6pm. He also gets them on holidays for so many hours. Did you not get a copy of parental rights if not I would ask for a copy and follow them. So you don’t get in trouble
Okay not everyone but against the mom here. When we are all mom’s here 
Let dad take her it’s his time and have him take her to school in the morning
You have to go by judge’s orders.
Theres not.
A narcissist isnt going to do anything that isnt what they want to do.
And what the narcissist wants to do is use you for their ‘supply’ of drama and attention.
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I believe that since school does not honor Halloween as a holiday, the school arrangements will trump Halloween
If he is truly a narcissist just act like you are happy for her to go. He will loose interest if it is not bothering or hurting you. The more you push the more he will push back.
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Just see how it works out hopefully he follows the court order
Narcissism- Ace Metaphor looks up his videos. They are good.
If you keep her home you are alienating this child from her father. You’re going to cause a lot of hurt on both sides, and some serious animosity between you and your ex. You will also be violating a court order. To be honest, it sounds like to me that there is a possibility that you’re using your child as a way to hurt him. I was used as a weapon in this way against my dad. Guess who has 0 access to my adult life? My mother. One day at school is not more important than a holiday and bonding experience between a parent and a child, especially a parent with very limited access to that child to begin with.
It’s only one day, and it’s a kids favorite among the holidays. It is his day. You are trying to control his day based on what you think he is or is not going to do, and while your intentions may be good, you’re undermining him as a parent. If you want a parent to step up, you have to give them the chance. If she misses school or is late, it isn’t really the end of the world, and it is something you can document for future use in court. You are her parent, but so is he.
You really have no right to dictate what happens during their visits unless there is a medical problem, or she is not having her basic needs met.
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Follow that order to the letter or you’re risking your custody 
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It’s one night…won’t do any harm
You don’t. You can’t.
Have to go by court order
It’s one day. She’ll be fine.
What the court order says goes unless there is a immediate threat for her safety or well being… you can’t assume that just because he lives a hour away from you that he she won’t have enough sleep before school on the Monday. There’s nothing stopping him from taking her out for a hour or so around 4pm then taking her home for dinner shower and bed by 7.30pm/8pm young kids need around 12 hours of sleep a night, even with him travelling 1hr to get her to school there is ample time for sleep… the judge would most definitely side with him, as her father he has rights and just because you don’t agree with what he says doesn’t make him a narcissist. It all comes down to control, court orders are put in place to stop one parent having all of the control over everything and to stop them with holding their children from the other parent. I’m sorry mumma but you need to step a side & deal with the fact that what he does with your daughter in his time, you have no control over unless it is a immediate threat to her safety or well being… you need to trust that he is her dad and he will make good choices for her whilst she is spending time with him.
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I completely understand your struggle here. I would just like to note, if it’ll help ease your stress at all, as a teacher, I never expect my kids to be rested or in any way not a total disaster the day after Halloween.
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Unfortunately court orders tend to neglect logistics. Got one for access to my son and it was made when he was at nursery so now he’s at school it’s horrendously outdated. It also set up so I had him 1 day one week and 3 the next week instead of twice a week like I asked. Fortunately his mother and I have reconciled our differences and we get along again so we’ve adjusted it to what makes sense for us, which ultimately would’ve been nice to do before going to court but I guess it’s a good safety net to have a court order to fall back on. Hopefully over time the same happens here
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Maybe go back to court and have the time adjusted to earlier in the evening.
I’m a bit confused how is he a narcissist? Has he ever not returned her on time or given you any reason to believe that he’d keep her from school etc? As you’ve written your post it sounds like you are being a bit over the top. Although I admit I don’t know either of you but asking for opinions and the way you’ve written your post it doesn’t sound like he’s done anything wrong and you’re just not in control. An hour away isn’t that bad and she’ll enjoy the time trick or treating with her Dad, I’m not sure what time school starts as I’m in a different country have little knowledge on how America works out school terms (seems very odd to me) but one day being tired in her life won’t do her any harm and if Halloween is a big deal over there then let her have fun. If he doesn’t return her on time then he’ll be breaking the order and get in trouble anyways.
Some people are shitty partners but great parents. We can’t paint them with the same brush based on how they treated us.
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One day of her “not getting enough rest” is far from a big deal. The memory she’d make is far more important
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I don’t see a big deal of her not showing up for one day after Halloween. Where I live most of the kids do not go to school the day after Halloween. One missed school day due to a night of Halloween fun isn’t much of a bad thing.
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I mean, an hour isn’t far, really. I think you’re more concerned due to your own personal feelings towards him as an ex and not as a dad.
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Mothers go to prison now if they break a court order too many times. I wouldn’t consider this to be a reason to break your court order. And unless there’s good reason you’re concerned for the safety of your child (and you can prove it), the judge won’t side with you.
Sounds like your sol. Lighten up remember you asked for this. Why did you sign it if you didn’t like it
I love how the words narcissist and gaslighting get thrown around everytime a woman has a bad break up 
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It’s literally an hour, your being way ott, most people go out between 3-7 pm anyway because going out at night poses more risks
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Wow, some real aholes here. Unless people have assumed she’s too stupid to have known he was a narcissist during their relationship, Idk why they’re making statements of “not aggreeing with you doesn’t make him one”. As if partners of narcissists aren’t gaslighted enough without this bs continuing on. Thank you to Kye, Taylor and Jordan for answering, instead of rambling
One day tired won’t hurt.
It’s his responsibility to get her to school on time. I’d let him have her Sunday and if he doesn’t get her to school on time that’s just ammo against him.
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My kids dad has them Friday to Monday every other weekend. If they’re late for school on his time, I make sure the school take it up with him. That’s his responsibility not yours. I’m sure he will get her to school just fine, and losing an hours sleep won’t hurt once. She is only 4 and legally doesn’t have to be in school yet anyway so id just go with it. You quickly learn that they won’t parent how you do and that that’s okay. Good luck in this long journey, it does get easier x
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This should have been gone over when the visitation was made. You can get a mediator to help. You could try to agree to switching holidays possibly. But, I would ask him in text to bring her to school as that’s his responsibility when he has her. And if he doesn’t you can bring it up to your lawyer and if it continues to be an issue you have ammo later to get visitation altered so it doesn’t interfere with school.
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Does the order state during school what time he has her till Sunday? If so, I would think that return time would take effect even though it’s a holiday…even though Halloween technically isn’t a holiday. I would definitely contact a lawyer or the court for clarification. Your concern is valid.
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She’s 4. I doubt she’ll be missing that much in school the next day anyways. Let her trick or treat and be a kid and make memories
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Follow the plan. It protects you in the court.
My husband didn’t follow it and allowed the kids to visit their mom even though there wasn’t always supervised visits as court ordered. When the oldest ran away to live with mom, my husband didn’t have a leg to stand on. Let your ex mess it up, then you can go back and have it revised.
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I’m just here to say keep documentation in EXCESS starting now as parenting with a narc is a lifelong battle and I’m sorry you are tied up in.
Documentation will give you all the grounding you need down the road for what will inevitably become larger problems.
As for this stick exactly to the plan written by the court and keep copy of the text asking that he bring her to school that Monday if you’re worried about it. However, at 4, she won’t be missing much, as someone who works in the schools, she won’t be the only one absent, trust me!
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Honestly, it’s not in your control where he takes her trick or treating.
If she doesn’t get enough rest and to school on time, which is his portion, then let him deal with it… that’s on him. I would not spend time trying to have him trick or treat where you wanted him to. I mean of course, you can suggest it, but have the anticipation that he’ll do what he chooses. I wouldnt worry myself about it.
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Honestly, I would let dad have her, remind him what time school starts in the morning and let it. If she shows up late, evidence, if she doesn’t show up at all, evidence, if she shows up on time, but tired, she will be like all of the other kids in the class who stayed up late. One day isn’t going to ruin anything for her at school. (I am a 3rd grade teacher). Maybe let her teacher know in advance, give her a little snack on Friday to keep in class for little one to have in case she misses breakfast.
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It’s Halloween and she’s a little kid, let her enjoy her time with her dad. Sounds to me like this really isn’t about her “well being” it’s about you wanting to control the situation and masking it as such. If she stays up late one night who cares let her make memories and have fun!
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Let her go, I’d say. She will remember the memories with her dad, not how tired she was the next day. It’s one day and she’s not old enough to be worrying about exams or anything yet x
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As an early educator, and as a COD (child of divorce), she is 4 years old. Missing one Monday, especially the one after Halloween, will not be of harm to her, if he were to not get her to school/on-time. This way she enjoys the time with dad/the event, without the drama of mom and dad fighting. Choose your battles, sounds like you may have years of them ahead of you
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She’ll survive. Let her go with her father. Tell him to keep her overnight and take her to school the next day too- making sure to do all the parenting things: make her lunch, get to school on time, etc.
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Do not break the court agreement. The cops can and likely will be called by him and they will enforce the court agreement. Further to that if you break the agreement he has leverage over you regardless of your reasoning for it.
If you disagree and he is refusing to come to an agreement for the best interest of your daughter then you need to go back to court and request mediation for a visitation adjustment due to school etc.
I have a similar agreement to yours with my narc ex (ex get our kids from Friday at 5pm to Sunday at 2pm) make sure you set times to be returned by and always give about an hour of leeway for pick ups and drop offs.
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His day, her day, court orders, and on and on. She is 4 years old which means daddy gets her for Halloween day and night. As far as missing school, really? She is 4! Missing a day of preschool will not destroy her future. Next, I understand divorced parents usually don’t get along, but they are still the child’s parents. She might want to see daddy or mommy on a day that isn’t scheduled for visitation. So what? Let them see that parent!!! The world won’t end. It is supposed to be about what is best for the child! Parents, grow up!
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Um . . . did you ask your daughter what she wants to do? Even at age 4 she should get a say as long as it falls within the guidelines of the court order. Also, I think you should practice letting go of total control and learn the art of compromise. Ten years from now you’ll thank yourself for not trying to hold on so tight 
With love from a mom who’s lived it
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You people are reading into this all wrong the court order said from Friday till Sunday which means he has to return her on Sunday not Monday. She is wanting to be the better parent and let her daughter trick or treat with her father at a time she is to be home. I say he should trick or treat in your area and be thankful you gave him this opportunity to have more time with his daughter.
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I do get what you are going through. You’re not gonna like it but you’re gonna have to choose your battles. It’s not gonna be a big deal when she misses school that day I get where you’re coming from. Save yourself the headache and don’t Over think this. Choose your battles. Good luck and I wish you well.
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She’s only four. She’ll manage and school is not as important as spending time with her dad narc or not. Don’t make insignificant issues so small 4 year old doesn’t feel your concern. You have to nurture their relationship as you do yours. Smile and be friends with your ex. Face the future positively which counts more than the past
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She’s four … let her enjoy her holiday with her father. Don’t worry about one missed day of school.
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I wouldn’t make this a big deal and it will save u the stress. Let him have her it’s his day and if he brings her back to u really late then just take her late to school or keep her home on Monday…
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