My ex husband had our daughter every Sunday night in our divorce there was a stipulation saying if he missed school or was late to school 3 times his Sundays would be taken away I suggest you go back to court and try and put that in there is there since she is getting older and going to school.
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Itâs his time ⌠what he does with her on his time is his business as long as it doesnât endanger her or risk her Health ⌠missing school or being late for school will do neither ⌠before people start jumping on about it affecting her schooling ⌠itâs one day , it wonât make a difference âŚ
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Typically, Holidays override normal visitation schedules. As many have already said, itâs one day. Let the kid enjoy her time with her dad. Take the high road, MomâŚâŚ.and pick your battles.
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Unfortunately, if itâs a court order and you keep her there, the judge will more than likely side with him. If you feel itâs a big problem, Iâd go back to court. Youâre going to have to do what it says unless you get it changed. He can call the police and create even more damage to your child. The police have no choice but to force the child to go with her father, unless he shows some signs of abuse.
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unfortunately you would have to do what the court order states or else you could get in trouble
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I think you should let it go, let him do what the order says, fighting is going to do more harm to you and him and your child. If you continue to focus on little things you will have a lifetime of grief it will wear on you and your child will suffer, been there
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Itâs just a bloody hour away, not another country⌠
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I would seek advice from your lawyer. But personally, I would keep her home from school? Just a thought. Or have her go a half day. Let her sleep in and say she had a doctorâs appointment
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Keeping her home would be a violation of a court order. He is the one who will need to worry about how she will get enough sleep and get to school the next day. Iâm sure she wonât be the only kid showing up to school late or tired the day after Halloween.
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Just let him have her itâs only one day⌠sounds like youâre the narcissistic one âŚ
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Most parents of a child that age take their kids out earlyâŚbefore dark. Dad could start early, let her do a few blocks and then bring her home or as others suggested meet 1/2 way
She gets to be with dad. Go trick or treating, be home with mom by 8 and everyone is happy.
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Do not play tug of war. Both parties need to give a little bit, narcissist or not. Alternate Halloween every other year.
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most fathers dont even get their kids for 2 hours a day let alone nights⌠let him be a father.
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Sounds like your over thinking this. Sheâs just as much his daughter as she is yours. Your going to have to have some faith in him that heâll take her to school etc. for your daughters sake; let her go with her dad.
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You canât keep her, since its court ordered for him to have her that day. He could get the police involved if he wanted to.
The easiest thing to do would probably be to just let him have his holiday with the child, and expect that he wonât take her to school the next day, or take her to school late after his scheduled time. Just make sure you document when he makes her tardy or absent for later evidence in court.
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When my step son was younger his mom lived and hour and a half from us. But we honestly never had any issues when it came to the care and well being of the child. Even with the distance and their dislike of one another. It all worked out.
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I understand. Unfortunately you have to follow the court order. If it effects your child down the road,then you can see about getting it changed. The school will keep records . Stay strong and keep faith. Hopefully he will want to show everyone what. a good dad he. can be.
Maybe see if he would be willing to drive her to school in the morning. Then he can have her to bed at a decent time. Itâs hard trying to navigate and hopefully in time he can try to be more cooperative for her sake
Just about all kids are up too late on Halloween. Let her enjoy the holiday with her father. Let him figure it out. Let him deal with her in the morning. Just let it be⌠itâs just one night, one morning. I would probably go get fun Halloween manicures with her before he picked her up though. Just something special to celebrate the holiday between a mother and a daughter BEFORE her dad picks her up. 
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I think he might figure it out especially if you donât say anything, yet. Let it be his idea. Still time 
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Maybe he could come to your town to let her do trick,treating and have her home in time for bed most places are done by 8 but even if he doesnât he could still have her home say by 9 you are going to have years of this going on better learn to let little things go you and her dad need to put her first and try to get along.
Missing that day of school for a 4 year old would be less of an issue than not getting enough sleep. Getting even narcissist dad time , making it less stressful for child, than a sad mom. I know I would be as concerned as you but make it a happy time for her.
I dont have any personal experience with custody issues. My advice would be too bring it to court sooner, rather than later. With a narcissist, you always want a mediator or judge involved. Regardless of how its resolved, it should be dealt with in court. That said, if she is late to school or misses ONE day, at the age of 4⌠i wouldnt stress too much about that. 
I would take that to court and have it corrected. It will save both of you unnecessary fighting. To late for this year but she is four.
Surely there will be a kids party or something on the Saturday evening he could take her to instead of on the Sunday night so it doesnât interfere with school the next day? X
You need to ask your attorney because it seems like during the school year would supersede the âholidayâ.
Sheâs not going to miss anything at pre-k or kindergarten on a Monday after Halloween. Follow the court order and let him take her trick or treating wherever he wants.
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She is four and going to school? Schools around here wonât let you start unless you are 5. Halloween is going to fall on school nights more times than it doesnât. Staying up later one night isnât going to do any damage to her. Trust me teachers are more effected by Halloween on a school night than the kids. Encourage time with her father. The way I read this sounded a little like you were looking for a excuse to keep her with you for Halloween.
Is it really concern about getting rest, getting to school on time or control. She is very young and having a good relationship with both parents itâs what is best. A child will not have good relationships in life if it does not start at home.
If he is a good dad than his time is his. Remind him of her schedule and let him do his thing. As long as he can handle his business as a father your job is to step back and allow him to do so. If he shows he is not capable of handling the visitation hours have a talk at that time.
You can be put in jail or lose parental rights if you interfere with his visitation. If he doesnât get her to school on time notify the school and CPS
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Iâm 45 minutes away from my kidâs Father. It doesnât matter we make it work. Even if either parent has to get off work a little early to accommodate our kids schedule we make it happen. Of course itâs never perfect had lots of times when pick ups or drop offs were late. But I put my differences aside and communicate with my ex about what time works best for both of us and just deal with it.
It will be his responsibility to get her to school on time that day and he will have to leave his house giving himself enough time ⌠thats his problem and if she doesnt attend school because he hasnt taken her then that wonât look good on him
As a child of divorce, and a child of a narcissist, just stick to the custody plan. Donât let your child be a pawn in getting what you want or what you feel is right. She wonât miss much at school on the day after Halloween, and itâs such a small thing in the grand scheme of life.
My ex lived an hour away. After a few months of back and forth with a winey 3 year old, visits got further apart and I got more and more complaints. Eventually he quit coming. Go with it for now.
I donât see that youâre co-parenting. Sounds to me like you have primary physical custody and he has visitation. Why donât YOU make the suggestion of going trick or treat together in his area and youâll help him out by bringing your daughter home that night. Doing things like trick or treating, family functions, dinners, Christmas time together is co parenting, trying to change the time sheâs with her Dad because it doesnât fit in the schedule isnât co parenting. Sorry, I was married to one myself and after being divorced for over 10 years, we have learned to grow up, itâs not about our dislike for each other, but the love we have for our kids. We both go to birthday partys so the kids have both of us in their memory.
Co parenting involves parenting together, doing things together⌠âHelp himâ by going with them and asking if you should bring her home
Choose your battles. This shouldnât be one of them. As it gets closer he may relent since he will have to drive an hour on Monday morning to take her to school and another hour to go back home. Donât mention it again and see how it plays out.
You are calling him a narcissist. I bet he thinks you are a control freak. He is hear father. Stop creating problems so you can prevent him from seeing his daughter. You sound like you are the narcissist.
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All I would say, is tread very carefully what you post about him and your child on Facebook or any other social media platforms. What you post is forever there and can be used against you at any time. Donât give him or his lawyers anything that may jeopardize your situation. Good luck.
Let her go, let her miss a day of he doesnât bring her to school. Memories are important more than school sometimes.
You have every right to be concerned I would call your lawyer and get some answers.i donât think judge will hold it against you for protecting your daughter but make it legal good luck to you 
If sheâs four, what kind of school? Pre-school? I wouldnât worry about that too much! Just tell him to get her to bed early.
Itâs his responsibility to get her to school. My husband had went through the same thing as you are going through.
If he wants to be a real father he would know what he should do for his child and what would be responsible. My opinion is he would trick or treat where he lives but drive back a decent time or he would just trick or treat in the other town and she can expiring longer itâs about making memories as well as him thinking whatâs best for her I had to deal with parents going back n forth with each other because it didnât work for my dad
If he keeps her overnight itâs his responsibility to get her to school on time in the morning. This may be a case of having to let him fail to use that to make an issue in court if he doesnât do it
What if he comes into town an hour earlier ? Have to make it how great a dad he would be to do that when dealing with a narc if they know you want something youâre sure not to get it . Good luck !
Just let her miss a single day of school? Seems like a non issue to me.
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This sounds like theres more too it that what has been written the use of the word narc for example im guessing u wasnt expecting the replies you received by implanting the impression of your ex in your question u left a whole lot of questions to be answered for your own character as a person
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The court cares nothing about your feelings. You agreed to the court order. So follow it⌠you are not in control of your child life. The court is.
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shes 4⌠I doubt a day of missed school to spend time and make memories with her father will matter that much. but bring up the concerns and ask how he plans on getting her to school. you keeping her will go against court order and holiday time takes priority over regular schedule. her dad living an hour away from where you reside does not and should not mean he is not capable of properly taking care of her. you have to pick and chose your battles and you have at least 14 more years to coparent with a court order.
Just tell him you will meet him half way to pick her up on Sunday if he doesnât agree then he will be breaking the agreement by not getting her to school on time. Do you not have a schedule like 6 on Friday to 6 one Sunday.
I would say just let her go⌠one night of little rest isnât going to hurt her⌠you have to pick your b battles and this one is just not worth it⌠and yes you would be violating a court order
It wonât hurt her, she 4 she will fall asleep in the car. Let it go.
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Unfortunately unless you get back in touch with the courts before Halloween you have to let her go or else you will be violating the custody order and can potentially lose her
Depending on your jurisdiction there are likely standing orders not to interfere w/visitation as laid out in the parenting plan that is court ordered. Unless you get a modification? Itâs his time.
Honestly an hour drive to school as opposed to whatever your travel time usually is really isnât that big of a difference. Especially for one day.
I am sure that trick or treating will be on Saturday, he should bring her home Sunday at a decent hour. Also the best interest of the child should always come first. Put in writing your request to father. If he canât accommodate the best interest of his childâŚflexibilityâŚthen this is the start of a miserable 14 more years. Try and be diplomatic and ask him to do the same. He may need some flexibility down the line. Try to work it out amicably. Just input from a mom who has been through it. Donât waste anymore money on an attorney, put everything in writing on both sides, otherwise all will be miserable. Maybe offer him an additional day on Christmas or Thanksgiving
Generally within those situations, the father would be responsible for taking her to school. And that includes getting her ready for school and everything else. Regardless. And less he decides that there is a better option which would be too trick or treat in your town and have her back early. The judge will not punish you for going against the order if he refuses to take her to school the next day. Obviously this order was written sloppily not including situations when this is not feasible. Firstly, when it comes to holidays that donât land on a specific day every single year (they land on different days) then the order shouldnât be written that way or should put it is specifics if on weekend or week day etc. Anyway, good luck! I got far far far away from my narcissistic abusive ex. Thank God I donât have to deal with him with our child. He lost all rights and my husband now has since adopted him and basically been the only male father figure in his life since he was 3 years old.
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Keep a record of everything (when he has her, if he is on time getting and dropping her home or to school and if she has homework that he has to help her with, did it get done and turn in. Things like this helps). She is the one that needs to be considered that all is being done for her so she can have a good full life with both of her parents. Also keep a record when she misses school and reason (sick, Dr appointment and so on) when you have her. This will help if something major comes up. It helped my brother get full custody of his son with supervision of her time with him because things that had happened when it was her turn to have him.
Unfortunately you have a court order, you donât want to go against it. He is responsible to follow State education codes. If he gets her to school late or misses school when he has her have the school call you and keep a log. If you have to take him back to court take a copy of her attendance and your log. Battling with an ex over custody issues is exhausting and not healthy for the child to witness.
If heâs that difficult to deal with, record your issues and let the court deal with him.
Itâs one night. Gee let he stay home with you the next day wonât do any harm.
Send with back pack and urge them to make it to school on time. Within the school year Iâm surprised the schedule is that relaxed. But if he canât get her to school on time it will make him look bad in the end.
Honestly I feel like shes only 4 its just preschool and its only 1 day if shes tired its not the end of the world if he fails to get her to school however that is a problem⌠Sending positive energy your way I hope you guys can make it work
Itâs august. Sheâs 4 and missing a day of school in 3 months time it isnât a crisis situation.
These days, trick or treating usually is held on a weekend afternoon or night⌠Go enjoy that on Saturday and give him Sunday. If he doesnât get her to school, just record it and get a note from the school, put it away and possibly youâll need it later.
Do what your court order told you to do.If your not happy with it then go back to court and try to get it changed but in the mean time you best do what is ordered of you to doâŚAnd you need to at least give your child father a chanceâŚ
Donât worry till you need to worryâŚ
Donât freak out untill you need to freak outâŚ
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People! What 4 yr old trick or treats at night these days. Have her in bed by 8 pm. Why should the 4 yr old miss school. He should either drop her off at a reasonable hour or get her to school on time. It is very stressful for a kid to upset their routine. Both parents should do whats best and compromise. If he agrees to be flexible get that on a text or email, so he canât play games with you.
This is a troublesome issue as well as a double edged sword. Although I do feel you have a right to be concerned, it IS one day and not truly detrimental as a whole or in the big picture. Youâve been the adult in trying to compromise, yet he is resistant to your ideas.
So, have tossed the ball in his court and essentially told him to make the best decision he can with your daughterâs well being in mind? The more you try to dictate how, when, why when there is a court order in placeâŚthe more he will be unwilling to compromise in other areas.
Youâve voiced your concern. Itâs valid, but in the end itâs just one day and sheâs four.
Follow the order, keep notes if she misses or is late to school on his watch. Best you can do in case it becomes an issue.
Not worth getting into trouble especially with having to deal with this man not worth it. Let him have his time. And document anything he doesnât follow. Because eventually. If he is a real narrasartist . You will want your child far away from him as she gets older. If he was abusive to you eventually the same thing will happen to the child. Right now not worth the stress. Good luck. Unfortunately I see a lot of stresses as your child grows because of her father
Sounds like you are trying to control court ordered time to suit how you want things running. Itâs one day of school, let kids be kids. As for the Friday to sunday, make an agreed upon time for drop offâs on Sunday through court.
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At 4 years old getting to âschoolâ on time is not a big deal as it would be for someone older. Iâd resubmit for a schedule change so this problem doesnât come up in the future.
No, the judge would never side with you if you violate the order no matter how much you think you are in the right.
He gets her on Halloween so then itâs his job to get her to school the next day. Itâs not a big deal, an hour drive in the morning will not affect her rest. She will be fine. Also, she is four, so what pre K? Even if he kept her home for a day that wonât hurt her education. This is small potatoes and if you try and argue this the judge will think you are petty.
Many places will do it Saturday night instead - I wouldnât be worrying about October already 
These ppl saying this is not an issue bumped their heads. I totally get it. See if you can have the time changed so that she is home by 9 or 10 pm when it falls on a weekday, until she a certain age. The worst the judge will do is say no. I would also ask why Halloween was even listed as a holiday when it isnât a national holiday.
Well you canât just go against a court order regardless if you agree with it or not, unless youâre willing to deal with the consequences. If Halloween is on a weekend regardless if the holiday itself lands on Sunday, there should be no reason why he canât get her back to you at a reasonable time Sunday night. Sheâs four, not 10 + doing trick or treating late at night. As someone who has 4 kids, trick-or-treating at that age should be done no later than 7 simply so they can wind down for the parentâs sanity before bedtime LOL⌠with that said, contact your lawyer or court system to clarify.
Being petty just makes things worse. She would be fine missing a day of school but since there is going to be a fit throw by the mother me personally would bring 4 year old home right before midnight sleeping in the car. Take that to court.
Tell him he has to take her to school on time in am. That will change his mind or he will pony up and do the parenting thing
court orders are Supposedly made in the best interest of the child. Whatever the hell that means. If u are going through this now at age 4, u will have to learn to pick your battles with him. Itâs only gonna get worse, and sheâs the one who will get hurt through this. Hang in there and document, document, document everything little thing. Without that you got no chance. Good luck.
I think you need to consult your lawyer about the time, most judges change the time during school. Holiday such as Halloween should have been the day starting 9am or after school until 8-9 pm depending the age, and the weekend visits should have been ending Sunday at 8-9pm when the following day is school. Iâve never heard the schedule you were given
Shit is hard. Iâve dealt with it for many years. Keep records of everything and try not to talk on the phone try to make it text or email. If she misses school thatâs when it becomes a problem. My kids missed my wedding cause it landed on my exes day. It took about 10 years for things to be better but just stay strong
Iâd love my kids dad to have them even just once! Heâs a narcissist as well so I can imagine what that would entail. But I have begged him to see his kids and he wonât. Itâs only one day of school let them have a relationship. I would give anything to have a relationship with my dad but my mum made sure that didnât happen. So please be patient. Itâs not all that bad xxx
Just tell him she has school the next day and to make sure she isnât late for itâŚ
Somethings are easier to let go. Slowly learning over here. Id work it and offer to let him have her for halloween, skip the school day MondayâŚ
but bring up future Halloween nights conflicting with school while offering that. And attempt to change that 10pm to at least 8:30, or he coming to trick or treat where you live when its his year⌠A peace offering that has an ulterior motive usually works best for me.
Let her have her day with her dad and if she misses a day of school so be it!
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The court order states Friday to Sunday Halloween is a Sunday and the court has classed that as a holiday (which it isnât) so by rights he should be taking the child back Sunday as decided by the courts, the child has school on the Monday the father has the child at weekends and holidaysâŚpersonally id ring my own solicitor and ask for advice on this as Halloween is not a holiday and just a normal day,
Pick and choose your battles wisely. Itâs one day. Let her have a great Halloween with her dad. He gets less time with her so it might be good for her to have this day.
Let him have her on the holiday. Its up to him to bring her to school if its before 10am. Be at the school waiting so you can take pictures of her first day. ALWAYS follow a court order and document the times that just didnât work then go back to court and have a judge determine his fate.
Wow this conversation brings back flashbacks. I was in similar situation the court order is your best friend in dealing with a narcissist because the ex may not listen to you or your daughter but will with cops and judges. Count them 14 times 365. How many days do you want to battle and stress or just enjoy the wonder and beauty that is a child.
Did he move live an hour away before or after court orders were made?
It should have been set out in the order if before. So a compromise of half way meeting.
If heâs moved after than thatâs on him to travel back.
Does it matter if she misses a school day. Or apply for a permit to have that shortened access
My daughterâs dad lives 2hrs away. 50/50 when she was young to make sure she spent time with both she would miss one day of school occasionally for things like this. Sheâs almost 13 now. Sheâs missed a day or two and all she remembers is we didnât fight about it and she has memories with both of us that are good. A day of missed school right now wonât harm her. But the fighting between you two will. Now she is going to school with her dad for middle school and I get her for high school.
When dropping off or so on do you meet half way or does 1 parent have to drive the full hour there and the full hour back because I think if you donât you should to try help the burden of the long drive, keeping the child till 10am on a school morning isnât doable as Iâm assuming school starts at 9am or earlier in some cases. In my experience judgeâs think logically, I think youâre on the right tracks but if the father is willing to bring the child home at a reasonable time on the said Sunday fed and ready for bed I donât see much of a problem, I wouldnât be letting the child stay Sunday night at the fathers house thatâs for certain but thatâs my opinion.
One night wonât hurt her itâs a special occasion , if he doesnât take her to school next day, see ya soliciter
Where was your lawyer during this? Should have all been worked out in court. Now you need to follow it, or back to court
Dont argue about it with himâŚif hes anything like my exâŚhes just doing it out of spiteâŚand after a whileâŚhe may just stop showing up like mine didâŚnow my kids really do not want to have anything to do with himâŚI never said anything bad about himâŚI just let him do what he wantedâŚand many a time he never showed up to pick them up for his monthly weekend visitâŚeven though hewas suppose to get them every other weekendâŚloloâŚnever happened⌠much less summer vacationâŚand when he never showed upâŚhe never even called to say he was not comingâŚas they sat in the doorway with their little suitcasesâŚit will be okâŚdont waste your time, energy and money on going to court or lawyersâŚnot worth itâŚyall will be just fineâŚhugs to you
I would ask if he is some what willing to drop off early Halloween, if not then let him take her out and when she gets back maybe let her miss that day. Itâs not a big deal.
It depends on the judge. My ex scheduled a cruise during my designated spring break time with my daughter. I took him to court and the judge said I know what he did was sketchy but what kid wouldnât want to go on a cruise and he order that she go. She said mom, I donât even want to go. The judge said, schedule a trip anywhere and bring me the itenerary in three weeks. I went back to court with my attorney three week later and the judge said, what I promised I canât enforce. Sorry. I took off from work, paid my atorney for three hours and then told my daughter no trip. Moral of the story is that sometimes you canât trust the judge.
Missing school would also be a conflict.
I donât think one day missing school will hurt. Let her spend time with her father. Even if it is an hr away. At least he wants to be there for her.