Even though he has not touched the kids yet. What if he does when they get older and are not like anymore. Get out for yours and their sake.
You need to go. Make a plan. It took me 29 years. But I’m out of it and happy. I should have done it earlier.
1 Like
I know it seems hard now but like you, I thought I don’t have money or a car, where would we live? After a new baby and 7 years into the relationship I put my big girl panties on and my first and asked for help. Being a single mother of two children under the age of 2 was difficult but now their grown and are good, giving productive people. The BEST thing I have ever done for my family. You can do it!!! It’s not easy but it’s worth it!!!
1 Like
Take pictures of the holes for court as you only want his visits with kids must be supervised. Pack up your kids immediately and leave. Your son is learning how to abuse women and your daughters are learning to accept abuse. Immediately file for divorce and a restraining order if you think he will stalk you. You’ll have to fill out an income report. Do will he. He’ll lie on his. Get copies of the last 6-12 months of bank statements to prove how much he earns. Get an Excellent lawyer and have him get you into court on an emergency 24 hours. So lawyer can make it clear to judge how much money you need for spousal and child support to be granted immediately as this is an emergency. Show him who’s boss by not wasting any time. Take the bull by the horns and get what you deserve. Sho zero emotion to him and never contact him again. You CAN do this!
Tell your boss your situation and ask if you can get more hours to save money. I’ve been in your situation before. Record every argument and fight and call the police if you can. I know it’s hard to get out when you have no money. If you can go right now please do it!
This is just stupid you need to get you n kids out of there or kick him out and get pop very dangerous and it never gets better ! Just act now
Yes, get out NOW, while you still have a chance to raise your kids right with love, patience and discipline.
You know you have to leave! You are not safe and if you stay the abuse will increase and your life is in danger. Your son will grow up to be abusive. Leaving is the most dangerous time but you must do it!!!
Semi abusive…… he has hit you he is abusive!! Go get some help. Take your kids to a shelter or contact the police then get some help for your SON and also your daughters being that he has choked them, also you need help too.
You know the answer, get you and the kids out as quickly as possible and harden yourself not to listen to his whining about how he will change because he won’t! You and the kids deserve so much better.
Battered women’s shelters will help you get back on your feet. They will help you find a full time job and help you get a car and when your ready help
You pay for
Deposit on a place of your own.
What worked for me is to look at the situation from a third person’s perspective. If you do not save your kids from this you will regret it. It will effect them. It already is. At least leave for them. It’s child abuse. Don’t be a part of it.
1 Like
Hopefully there is a shelter you can go , family ,friends , coworker , make a plan to get out of there as soon as possible . Your children or you do not need to be in this kind of relationship. You have to protect your children . Good luck and God Bless you .
The second your son decided it was okay to choke his sisters… Should have been the very last straw. Listen to all of us. We care about you and your children! Don’t spend anymore time saying, “but what if”. You will be surprised about how much help you can get!! Pack a bag for your kids and yourself, you don’t need much. And just take a deep breath and go!! 211 Good luck to you!!
No such thing as semi abusive. If he hits you that is abuse. One day he will hit your children. Take them and leave!
Call police when he is abusive to you, they will connect you to an emergency shelter and then low cost housing
only 1 thing that’s best for you & your children is send him packing or you & the children walk away it’s for the better for the family as you never know what will happen next you might run out of doors & walls for him to punch I’d be out like a shot .
Get the hell out of there now! My grandchildren are all screwed up because of the same thing. My daughter apparently likes it cause she hasn’t tried to leave hope your smart enough to get out. We call CPS and the school no one will help us we’re grandparents. They believe the mom. The school told us our grandson says the same thing.
2 Likes
If you dont seek help for you and your children it could lead to more serious problems and health issues. If you are a strong Christian prayers to the lord our God and he will give you the courage and strength you need to take your children and leave. You know you are going to be brave and you will make it. Do not be afraid
Get your kids out now! I suffer from years of trauma from the abuse I received growing up. The best thing you could do for your kids is show them how strong you are by leaving and by showing how much you love them by giving them that chance. I ran away at 16, never went home. I have zero contact with my biological paternal side. I have hardly a relationship with my mother. I still wake up with anxiety and I grind my teeth. You do not realize the damage it does to a kid. My mother thought she was the only one abused and didn’t find out til years later what truly went on. Get out for your children. Only you can save them.
You can get financial help from your county as well as him having to pay child support. Leave while you are all alive to do it, PLEASE!
What the hells wrong with you ? Look what he’s doing to your kids and teaching them to be violent. There are agencies out there that will help u. Get everything all lined up then get out or put him out ! Sooner or later he will start on the kids
mental abuse is worse than physical abuse it’s not worth staying your kids will be better off
1 Like
Definitely something that needs to be addressed. Sounds like he may not be the type to go into counseling. Look up domestic violence hotlines or shelters if you have no other way of leaving. Abuse takes on many forms and it is clearly effecting your kids. Please dont just let this go bcuz u feel to invested or unable to leave, you can do it. It will be challenging but it’s better now than never. 
I was in a relationship like that! But I last 9 years I didn’t know verbally abuse was still abuse but it IS! and LEAVE NOW… as soon as I Leftwich my 3 year old in tow I was happier and a lot safer (he stated once that he’d kidnap us both and kill me in front of our son 
)… yeah after that I was able to get a restraining order… with his second wife you could tell it was getting semi physical and it turned bad quick sadly.
Andno you did NOTHING wrong! And 14 years later I STILL have trust issues with men.
Seek a shelter, take a car and file for temporary custody and a divorce. He IS hurting your children. They will need therapy. Would you want your daughters to ever let a man do this to them? Break that cycle mama.
Just leave! I was with my ex for 15 years. I have two kids. Worked part time at walmart. Had no savings. No car. My credit was horrible. 9 cents in my account. Yes 9 cents! And my rent not paid. But I knew I would be fine. Took my mom dying for me to wake up and know my worth. I got a roommate. Got a full time job. Got an old car. And went from there. Fast forward 4 years. I have a great job where I work from home. Bought a new car. My credit is amazing. I have a checking and savings account. Have an amazing man who loves my kids. We’ve traveled and done things I never thought we would be able to. And just moved into a house that’s ours! There is so much life after divorce.
Trust God and leave! Your children are important. You can’t let the dad’s behavior become your children’s!
There is no such thing as semi abusive. This man is abusing you. Get out now! Verbal abuse is as dangerous as anything else and it damages children to see it.
1 Like
I don’t know where you live , but You need to make a plan and leave . You are right your son is picking up on his behavior. Please tell your son, I understand thst your are angry and frustrated, but hurting your sister or anyone is not an option. CatholicCharity and Salvation Army loves to help people as yourself. Many churches have food pantries . I know you are feeling defeated, but Pray and ask God for help . God always makes a way . Talk to the school counselor, many times they have good ideas and can offer help . Hon Do not feel ashamed, many people go thru this . I am former preschool teacher, and it happens often By talking to the school counselor,you are seeking help for your children and yourself. . Keep praying and asking God for help . One day at a time, one decision at a time . God walks with you !!
Just get you and your children out of there NOW. There are places now that help women in your situation. Please do not wait, go before it is to late
Get am emergency restraining order
Take pics of the house and your bruising… then go, drive as far as you can.
They can repo the car later but use it as a means to get away.
Please leave ,it will never get any better ,when your kids see him treat you the way he does they figure that’s the way women should be treated ,they shouldn’t be seeing things like that ,you don’t want them to see him kill you and believe me that could happen ,right now there is a girl I know in the hospital fighting for her life ,her boyfriend beat her and left her a dumpster for dead ,it could happen to you ,your kids deserve a mother to be with them and take care of them ,please for your safety and there’s LEAVE
Get out with the kids NOW! If you have nowhere to go, find an abuse shelter. He can’t get to you there. Get a protection order so he can’t come near you or contact you. Get your kids help!
1 Like
You’re setting an example for your kids. Your daughters see this as an acceptable way to be treated. If nothing else motives you, let that motivate you. Contact a woman’s shelter and start there. They will help you get on your feet.
1 Like
After my ,ex, then husband threw my newborn son across the room, he was out! I don’t care if you have to walk or take public transportation, get yourself and your kids OUT! FIND A SHELTER. Your son is all ready acting like him. It will not get better unless you leave asap. I know it’s scary, but you’ll be much better off. I’ve been in your shoes, please, please, get the hell out of there!
I don’t have to do it anonymously I’ll stand up and do it face to face as I’m helping them out the door., honey, you need to get the hell out of there now.grab them babies and run it’s only going to get worse.ur in my prayers
Just be prepair that shelters will turn you away. I’ve been there. Best of all get ahold of DCFS tell them what is going on or get ahold of a clubs that is against abuse and call the police and press charges against him. You must want this and also go to your pastor if you go to church or talk to your close friend.
Don’t EVER EVER make an excuse for a man you need to get out Now take your children and go things will be hard but build it back up then it’s you and your family keep going and don’t look back
No matter how hard he pleads with you don’t take him back
You got this and you can do it!!
Semi abuse:pleading_face:? Abuse is abuse. It’s either ABUSIVE OR NON ABUSIVE. There is nothing in between. Leave while you have the chance. I am sure you have support system in your country. Hugs for you.
Stop making up stories, tell the truth about those holes. He owns them, don’t teach your kids it’s ok to lie, and cover up/make excuses.
Pack up and get out with a restraining order for life.
Get out, while your babies still have a momma, and a chance to live a fear free childhood without walking on eggshells. Do it now. He won’t change. Praying for you and your babies
Find friends and family or women’s shelter. Start taking stuff out a little at a time see if friends and family will help…the day you leave go to the bank and take it all…hopefully your on the account. Go to welfare for temporary help,
The truth is that there are so many good people out there that even if you left with the clothes on your backs you’d be on the climb in no time at all. Do it. Don’t think just go. The minute he is gone, walk away and never look back.
Some people don’t get that chance, DV kills men and women everyday, please do not allow this bully to put you or your children in anymore danger. Praying you will all find your way.
Get your kids away from there…there are alot of help out there…use it…abuse shelters
Tell the truth. May God and you make those children understand the truth. Tell the truth with grace and mercy. Pray that God gives you the words to say for the grace and mercy. But most of all tell the truth.
I worked at a DV shelter. They really are there to help. My advice is to look for a DV shelter away from the area you are currently in. They will help you find a job, they have food and clothing. At least the ones here in Utah! Let me know if I can help get you more information.
You need to go to the police and make a statement honey… if you have a hard time considering this , just understand that leaving is the most dangerous time for a women living in domestic violence, do not try leave without help do not tell him your leaving, please don’t wait until the next time he hits you, but if you find that you couldn’t get the courage then the next time he hits you call the police right away and make a statement get an no contact order on him the police will charge him and arrest him .do not let him convince you to drop the charges and get yourself and the kids out of there…the affects of dv are long lasting and especially in children, you will be dealing with the affects of this for years to come it takes a lot of time to heal but life will get better for all of you the moment you get out of there…reach out to the people who care about you, if you have none please feel free to reach out to me I’ve been through it , 3 years out now ,i know what you’re about to go through …
Document abuse. File restraining order. If you still feel in danger. Go to a shelter with your children. Full time work will come. Pray and have faith!
I understand your situation and will be perfectly honest with you. I use to be your husband.
I never put my hands on my wife but would lose control and destroy things on purpose.
I stopped doing that because it got me no where because I ended up having to buy new things to replace the ones I had destroyed.
You don’t have to put up with that from him. If he can’t control his temper then you should leave if he won’t stop.
Sorry about the abuse. You and the kids must remove yourselves from this situation and fast. There is help to get yourself and kids away. Phone the help line. They will give you advice of where to go .
Call the National Abuse Hotline. They will tell you everything you need to do and give you outlets for all kinds of help. Save your children and yourself! If you don’t your son will turn into an abuser and you don’t want that! Good luck!
Pack y’alls bags and leave. I’ve been in the same situation. What those kids see him doing they will pick up on it and think its ok. Plus your safety is important.
Leave, go to family, friend or shelter. You’ve said you been thinking of it for awhile it’s never going to be the perfect time. I waited till my kids were out of high school and guess what, my daughter doesn’t know how a man should treat her and my son has issues with everyone, he doesn’t know how to treat women and really doesn’t know social acceptances.
What they seen, how their father treat me and attitude toward others has made imprints on them. Counselor I went to said not to worry about the children they will get the good stuff from me, instead of telling me that seeing this their whole life would make an impact on them. Sorry I waited, and I said I wanted a divorce when they were 3 and 4, they are 30 and almost 32.
Does your state have a hotline for Domestic Violence and/or resources? Here in VT we have 211- it’s similar to 411 but it focuses on social assistance (housing, food, utilities, etc).
For your children’s sake you need to leave… don’t turn them into the likes of him… if you accept his behavior your children will accept it to and later as adults they will abuse their spouse and children…
You need to make a move ASAP, your children will be better off without your husband in the house. Documentation is very important, also if you get him on tape to prove what is going on in the home! please do something, your 7 year old son is trying to hurt his siblings, that is dangerous!!!
Leave at once! Go to a shelter. You can replace all the material things. They have people there that can help you. Nothing is more important than your child seeing you happy and healthy everyone will start to heal. Get a restraining order and file for divorce make him pay child support. You and your kids deserve more and a better life. Pack a small bag of personal things for each child. Get all social security card and birth certificates for each child and take pictures of all the holes he’s made. Please leave before it’s too late and your child have to grow up with out a mother all because he can’t control his anger. You can do this. You and your child will make it and have it better because you and your children will know all of you are safe. That was s why they have problems for women like you so you and your child can live a better life. With help and support you will make it. Please leave don’t be a victim of domestic abuse another minute. Your child need their mommy and for her to be happy and healthy.
The violence doesn’t stop it only gets worse. Find help. You’re all in danger. I know. I was there. He will only get worse. Take your children and run. Call the abuse hotline. Do it now not later.
Leave today. Take just enough to get by. And don’t look back or return
2 Likes
Contact the nearest women’s shelter. Maybe they can advise you. You are right to be worried. As soon as possible get the kids and you into counseling too.
If he hurt you call 911, show your bruises, your husband will be in jail, file restraining order, if you don’t want to stay in ur house go to a shelter, they will help you there and ask for counseling for your children
One way to start saving money is to donate plasma—if you have a donation center around you. You can earn a lot as a new donor and then about $400 a month after that. I would move out ASAP, go to a shelter, and possibly earn money that way. It is typically not linked to a bank account so he will not know. Praying for you.
You need to leave now. Call the police or a domestic abuse hotline for assistance. You and your children are not safe. Take what you can and any vulnerable pets as well. Good luck to you because it will somehow work out if you take the necessary first steps to safety and freedom.
When I was getting married, my mother gave me the best advice. She said never depend on a man to take care of you and she was right
Speaking as someone who went through a similar situation with her Father at a very young age, please leave. It has caused me anxiety, lack of self worth/confidence, and made it difficult to trust men growing up. My mother was never married to my biological Father, but she knew it wasn’t a safe place for me to be around him and fought for sole custody. She was a single parent and it definitely was hard, but we made it work.
Sweetie get out God will make a way this will set an example to your sins on how to treat women and teaching your daughters it’s ok to stay in an abusive relationship trust I know first hand
You have got to get out somehow or another for you and your kids safety. I was in abusive marriage too. I left him and didn’t go back. You have to be very strong or you’ll give in and go back.
He will never change, once they hit they always hit, get out while you can you are destroying your children. I know I was in a relationship like yours. Then I met a man and he was wonderful to my five children and my self. We have been together for 34 years.
And every time your son chokes his sisters whip his but with a hickory
1 Like
If I were u I would leave its very scary went thru that for 15 years till finally I almost got killed with my 3 month old in my hands i was beat for a good 4 to 5 hours just that day till i ended up with a split open head and this dont include all the other horrible times i was being abused if i were you please get out of their get your kids into some councilling and yourself
Call the police and get a restraining order. Stay in your home. Contact an attorney and find out what you can expect financially from him. Ask for GAL through the state to be an attorney for your children. Find out if your area has a local program that will help you with therapy for your children. Go to your local social services and tap into everything that they can offer you, until you get back on your feet. Find out if there is a single parent coop in your area. Price a beater car vs bus ticket. Oh and in your spare time, get some therapy for yourself. Good luck, sister.
I know you need to leave now. I have been there. It just gets worse. Your kids might be next. It will be hard but you can do it.
I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in, and unfortunately I can relate. My first marriage was very much like this but my kids were younger, thank God. Living with him was like living with a time bomb and constantly walking on egg shells. He was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. He had control of the cars, the money, everything we had. How did I leave?? I packed a bag for me and each one of my kids and I left while he was at work. I took the car even though I couldn’t afford the payment. I left with a change jar we had and went to the bank and cashed it in. I went to a women’s abuse shelter and they literally saved my life. They helped me with lawyers, counseling for me and my kids, jobs, transportation.
I would highly recommend that you do the same thing. Your kids are being damaged so much more than you even know. Please do this for them.
You need to find a time he is not home pack up and leave go to a women’s shelter! No contact with him what so ever. Maybe the next town. Far away. Where you are safe. Pick the fastest Quickest time and leave. No looking back. Let your kids have a life of no fear for you or them. 
Please leave there are places you can go to be safe verball abuse is just a s bad as fiscal abuse leave and when you’re settled and happy so will the children cause they see you happy so will they
Get out. I went through the same thing for 25 years and it did so much damage to me and especially my kids
Find a good attorney. I sold my wedding rings to get one. Later I did an in home daycare and was licensed. Had 3 children. One is handicap. Christian counseling is available. He might be made to leave. You and your children need the home.
Yes you should leave with your kids. Just be aware that he is going to do everything he can to get you to come back. He will be the sweetest loving man ever promising never to do it again. And he may mean it for a short time. But don’t fall for it. This is called “the honeymoon phase” and it won’t last. The average domestic survivor usually leaves on average 6-8 times before she makes the final break… start collecting important documents now and give them to someone you trust to keep. How do I know all this? I worked with domestic violence survivors for years.
Leave for yourself and your kids it won’t be easy but your state should be able to offer some kinda help
You need to find a way out even if it tough. This kind of life makes one sick. Try to get help.
Now is the time to LEAVE - With all of the Stimulus floating around - You will be just fine.
Your life and your children life depends on it!
What are you waiting on there is shelters for women and kids .you don’t make sense keeping your kids in such a bad relationship.get out now
I have been there. In same situation. I have 5 daughters and was virtually cut off from any friends or family. I also thought I couldn’t make it but there is help available but you may need to relocate. Start now reaching out to agencies for help with counseling, housing and job help as well as childcare services. Many of these agencies can provide that. I made a clean break from my ex ( he was a cop) so you can’t imagine the fear I had of trying to get away. It took counseling , school and working full time — some really hard times but my daughters and I made it through.
I just got out of one. We were together for 10 years all of which I was a sahm. First of all, take pictures of the house, the damage he’s done. Next contact your local women’s center they can help you find housing and help you get on benefits. Forget the job and just get out of there. Start a divorce decree right away. The women’s center can help you with all of that. About half way through all of it my parents just came and said we’re moving you back with us. Your benefits can help you pay for housing costs and electricity and tanf cash assistance can help with other extra expenses.and food benefits Take the vehicle you are the one with the kids you need it. You can eventually fight over who gets what in the divorce but for now get out of there and apply for all of those benefits. You will figure it out. Many women have been in our situation and there is help you are not alone.
Sister watch madea she got some good stuff for u.i fill sorry for u hun .u do not have to go through this .theres to much help out there .and u posting this could cause u problems.it not only abuse to u .the kids also .so grow some balls and get the he’ll out of there before it’s to late
Why have you stayed. Get out and do it now. Find out what resources are available to you, line them up and get the hell out. Yes you are responsible for you son starting to be just like his father. He needs tons of counseling please do it before he kills or hurts his sister. Your also teaching your daughters that their mother deserves to be beat, thats what will happen to them and its okay.
ive been married for 25 years. My husband was extraordinarily abusive physically and mentally. Most abusers dont change. he is the exception to that rule because he found Jesus Christ. Now we are very happy together and have a great relationship but without him being willing to take that path he will not change. He had to be patient with my issues after because ptsd is real and even harder when you ar2 with the person who caused it but God is capable of the impossible and healing is his specialty. If he doesn’t want to change find a safe place with a friend or family and be sure you deal with the ptsd you as well as your kids definitely have.even if you dont realize it
U need to get to a women’s shelter. They will help u vehicles n housing for 2 yrs if u have to stay that long. Kids get to school n u just worry about getting yrself back on yr feet. Hopefully its still like that. But no don’t stay there …not good for u or ur kids. If u have girls they will think its ok to get some kinda abuse n except it bc they saw u did it. GeT out ASAP !
Children learn from what they see and live. Please do not have them grow up like him.
1 Like
Get out find a shelter your kids are the most important thing and if your dead or hurt so bad you can’t be there mom Please get out there is a lot of help praying for you And your kids
Go to a shelter until you can get on your feet. They are usually discreet and hard for an abuser to find…I would rather my kids come from a broken marriage BUT see their Mother do what’s best for her children…than a broken home and habe to live there with the horror.
You have to leave to break the cycle. I was in an abusive relationship and needed a social worker counselor to help me formulate a safe escape plan. Yes escape plan. I had to do it a certain way so he thought it was his idea to leave me which meant outsmarting him and letting him say i am done. I am gone. Otherwise he may have killed me. She felt he would have if it had not been his decision… you need to speak with a womens shelter counselor and ask her to help you get out.
I rather be homeless then to put my own kids through any abuse ever again. I left and I started from scratch . No home, no money , no car . Get a job and start building a new life with your kids and start from the bottom if it’s necessary.
I know this sounds cold but no car and no money can’t be your reason to stay… because your children could end up with no mother… I was a victim of abuse for 22 years… this will not change you have to put the love for yourself and your children before the love you have for him… after I got my 4 yr old son and myself out and in another state after awhile he moved on to his next victim… I will be glad to give you my phone number you can call 24/7. Patty:pray:t4:
DOVES is a program that helps abused women and their children. They do not tell anyone who is in their shelter. I am thinking someone will pick up at a designated place. If not be DOVE’S I am sure there is help of some kind of help in your town.
Get out now, go to a women’s shelter. They will help you work things out!
Your ruining your kids mental health women’s shelters will put you up find jobs hide you if necessary etc get you on your feet why Waiste anymore time getting older make a new life
I was once in same situation…Restraining order…then you can stay in the house with the kids until you figure out where to go…he goes to jail if he contacts you
Leave with your kids! You are stressed now but, believe it or not it will be stressful but a different kind. You a d your kids will be happier!