How to get over my spouse when divorcing?

I’m toward the end of a divorce process.We have been married for almost 6 years, together for 8 years. We have one school aged child.We have been separated for about 7 months now living in Separate states and have seen each other twice since then.

Up until recently, we would still talk on the phone for maybe a combined 6 hours a week because we’re each other person for a long time.
Well that wasn’t working and my feelings weren’t going anywhere and I wasn’t moving on, so recently we stopped talking except the phone call/FaceTime call every night for our child. We text about important stuff about the divorce and our child but otherwise nothing really.

And it’s been helping.

What are some out of the ordinary ways that you have used to move on from your marriage and just seriously live a happy and confident life especially as a single mother.

I am not interested in dating or sex at this time.

I go to church, I journal, I exercise and get out of the house regularly to take my daughter out. I’ll be going out to dinner to have a couple drinks with some old co workers this weekend for the first time in over a year and I’m excited about that.

But I’m still really hurting and cry at least once or twice a week

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The only way I got over my ex was by going out and dating other people. Going to church would have been the opposite of helpful. And journaling? Nah. That just keeps you in your own head. The saying “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” was 100% accurate for me. Also, after a few years of dating I found the absolute love of my life. I could never have imagined feeling this way about someone or having someone love me this much.

It’s awkward at first but you gotta get out there!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to get over my spouse when divorcing?

Set very clear and strict boundaries. Then get an accountability partner, someone you trust. Out of mind, out of sight. And get a hobby.

It sounds like counseling will help you.

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Find a local support group.

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I would talk with a therapist! That helped me a ton and look up some good books on coping or moving on!

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Itll happen naturally. Just take care of you.

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Some times it takes a long time to heal. I still have moments of hatred for my ex and it’s been 11 years.

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Go out and do things that u weren’t allowed to do when married! Go get urself pampered love urself first people who say one night stand etc that isn’t loving yourself that is just putting urself out there unless ur that desperate for sex… first thing is first make sure u and ur kids are pampered and loved Go have fun. Counseling always helps too ! My marriage was domestic and trust me it’s hard to get over it… Coming from a momma of 2 separated for a year still in divorce process.

Everything comes in it’s own time. Just spend time finding yourself - who you are without your spouse. When the feelings of “I wish I could share this with them” come up, recenter those thoughts to yourself. “What do I enjoy about this? How can I make the most of this moment for myself? Who else in my life might like to share this with me? Who do I NOT know currently who would enjoy this the same way I would?” Try to envision a world without them. Literally MAKE a world without them. It will come in it’s own time.

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Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else! :rofl: I know that sounds terrible but it really pushed you past that barrier and helps you see that there really is a great life ahead of you with plenty of love and happiness.

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Don’t mask your feelings. Feel them. That’s how you move on. One day you will realize you didn’t cry that week. Then that month. Then you will realize you are getting happier.

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Lean on God baby. Sending you well wishes

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Take down pics of them around the house or off your phone wallpaper (except pics in the kids room of them with the other parent).

Put away momentous (wedding stuff, anniversary things, any personal things of theirs you may still have) so you don’t see them.

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I think it’s normal to morn the loss of something you treasured and resulted in a beautiful daughter. But There is a reason you separated so don’t romanticize what was. Morn it… focus on you and your child and move forward at your on pace. I wish you the best.

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Takes time girl… Pray :heartpulse: God helped me through everything & especially with forgiveness. I cry all the time & we have been apart for 4 years now. We have to grieve in our own ways :broken_heart: Hang in there… I’m doing the same. No dating :-1:t5: Working on myself :100: #SingleMomaOfThree

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Doesn’t sound like you need a divorce. Are you sure you all can fix the issue? Why divorce?

It helps me to know that he cheated on me :woman_shrugging: remember the reasons ya’ll aren’t together. You might just be missing the intimacy you once shared with a person, not so much him in particular.

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I’ve never been divorced but I always rest assured that I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me. I find more value on myself than that.

I am so sorry for the closing of this chapter for you. It’s clearly not one you were ready to move on from, I am also proud of you for taking the time and space you need to heal. That’s powerful. And for what reassurance it is, when you do start dating, you’ll be dating people who do want you. And that makes all the difference in the world.

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You’re doing fine. It will get easier as time goes on. Concentrate on yourself and your well being for a while. That’s how I got thru it.

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I need to hear this too. Hubby decided he hasn’t been happy in over a year and has a new girlfriend. Moved out and staying at his dads house but at her house more than not. Yes, I stalked his locations on the phone for a while and he’s since turned them off. Together 35 years, he moved out 8 days before 30th anniversary.

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Time and grieving. Because really you’ve lost this person, it’s ok to grieve them. Read, journal, see a therapist, develop a hobby you enjoy, take a cooking class, etc. In essence, work on you and your skills and joys. Good luck hun :heartpulse:

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You’re doing remarkably already! It’s a loss you have to grieve. Maybe a support group or therapist could help the process along.

Call old girlfriends you haven’t seen or talked to in a while and catch up.

Start a new hobby, take a class, dig in the dirt. Remodel something in your home. Go for a makeover. They’re $50 at Sephora. Do something different with your child, like a trampoline park zip lining, paddle boating, tandem kayaking or spraying temporary colors in your hair.

And it’s OK to cry as often as you need unless it is seriously interfering with everyday tasks and responsibilities.

Keep a gratitude journal. Practice looking at the positive in everything. Analyze what went wrong and think of ways to avoid making the same mistake/s in the future. Invite people over for you or play dates for your child. Get a puppy or kitten or older cat or dog if you have the time, money and patience to care for one.

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So sorry you’re hurting! Get Very busy. Set a GOAL, start training for a 5k or marathon, take classes, finish that degree, learn a new language with the idea of taking a foreign trip. Start cycling, rowing, roller derby, take a dance class (I do bellydance, So fun) Explore all the things that have Ever interested you. You will come out the other side of this stronger, good luck :four_leaf_clover:

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One day soon you will stop and think to yourself…" I haven’t thought of him in over a week. " then you will know you are going to be ok. Hugs!!!

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Always remember that what was is not now and put you and your daughter first.Be very thankful you have her and take it day by day you will find out that there is a time that you won’t think at all what could of been and go on being happy again without him .I know cause I been there but with three children and had to do it without him wanting to talk to his kids at all that hurt me more knowing he could move on without anything to do with them and me trying to tell them he was always busy at work and time difference was the reason why he didn’t call.that much truth was he moved on with another woman and that was it.never say hateful things about him around her or talk bad about him let her know he cares and loves her even if things are not what you want them to be.move on piecefully always knowing it wasn’t you it was him

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It’s hard but u will look back someday and say u r glad u took that

Maybe you aren’t ready to call it quits.

Remember why the divorce is happening

You poor thing! Being heartbroken in that way hurts to the bone! I know! Been there, done that. I was with a man for 14 yrs, never married but had 6 tubalur pregnancies to him. He ran around on me the entire time and I knew it. Then I felt like a piece of shit for shedding one tear over a worthless notion that he ever really loved me at all. I took some badass beating too. It was after one severe beating I started to plan getting out! Holy shit girl, I felt wonderful! I didn’t have to walk on egg shells, I had the T.V. on, ran the vacuum and did what the hell I wanted to. He chased me for a while but I kept running! Don’t stay where you’re not welcome! Get out and enjoy your life with your child. Time IS a great healer you’ll see! Keep your head up and pray. I really feel for you! Try to have a nice day!:four_leaf_clover::pray:

You both sound like you still live eachother and have good communication.
Crying that much is heartache of missing that person.
Are you sure it’s it’s officially done?
Are you sure u both did all you could to salvage the marriage?

I cried but it was scarce and only Becuz he was extremely verbally abusive I only had bad memories.
I didn’t cry Becuz I’m trying to get over my ex husband.

When I cried years later a separate time was Becuz I loved my bf abs he just up and left.
I was still in love with him
And he was still in love with me. Got back together and married now…it was 5 yrs ago.

Go to counseling and discover how much you can live without him. If it’s abusive then maybe it’s best not.

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Cry. Cry it all out. Cry all you want until one day it’s dry and all you feel is freedom and feel no sadness anymore. Time will pass and you will eventually realizes one day that you are no longer crying or thinking about him. It’s ok. And it is ok to cry. :heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Time sweetheart. A year down the road you might even randomly burst into tears. Trick yourself the reasons for divorce weren’t worth it. But one day it’s gonna cross your mind hey I’m happy and haven’t cried in months. You’ll be ok!

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Keep doing what you know is the right thing to do you are not a failure as a person wife or mother I think you are doing all the right and healthy things for yourself it’s the emotionally connection with your husband that your suffering from ( nothing to do with sex) that you are mourning went through this 45 years ago with my children’s father God gave me a wonderful husband of 25 years now when I wasn’t even seeking one I believe things work out for the best to those who make the best of how things work out I live by this better days are coming emotionally for you take time needed to mourn the loss of your Ex to be this will help you be more prepared for not falling into a relationship with someone that you possibly should Blessings & Prayers

Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, you have to allow yourself to go through the process. Grieve what you lost and you’ll bounce back before you know it. You’ll have days where you think about it but they won’t hurt as bad.

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These are normal feelings. You guys spent alot if time together so you now have to grieve and work through your feelings to then be able to move on. A divorce is a big thing. You are at a lose and your hurting. Try therapy, do something you love thats just for you, work towards a goal or just learn to live you again. It’s really a time thing.

It takes time took me a few years after mine

It just takes time.
You can’t force yourself to no longer feel something. Give yourself time to heal and grieve the relationship until you feel like yourself again.
Don’t try to rush into something just to get over him, either. It will not help in the long run.

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It’s very hard to get over someone you have been married to for so long and have a child with I’ve been divorced for three years now and. Still working on it .

You’re allowed to be sad and cry. You’re allowed to love and never wish bad on him. You’re allowed to have a good heart. Divorce is hard horrible and just not fun. I’ve been there twice. My partner and I are afraid to get married because it would be both of our third marriages and we have a 4 year old together with special needs, and I’ve known him since I was 3 and he was 5 and he has been my brothers childhood best friend so he’s always been around and probably more protective than my own brother. Life is hard!! Hugs!!

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Pray, take time, cry it out, and maybe get a mediator for the divorce so you don’t have to communicate with him, which will help you move on. If there is a will to be over him you will find the way.

I wish I knew the answer. I want to file for divorce, but my husband wont leave for at least 3 months. Has to save up money he says. I have no where else to go in the meantime. Plus I have 3 kids.

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One day at a time trust me

Life is bumpy - relationships are imperfect … this might be the first crisis you have had - and if so - might be new skills to acquire. Sometimes distance gives perspective - can go two way- either stronger together or further apart- but it won’t be the same. That said - my thoughts are if you are physically separated and still talking six hours a week to each other there obviously is still a lot there. My question for you is today in the moment is it repairable? Lots of times of fears are just a symptom of something underneath not working. Can that be repaired? Are you on the same page to repair it? And if not it’s time to MoveOn and start reflecting and learning.

I once read it’s like you are grieving a death. Something that died out, and that was the relationship. All the time put n, that’s a tough “loss” to say. Grieve how you need to. It sounds like you are doing all the right things, IMO. It’ll take time. Know that it is okay to cry, get it all out.

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Just concentrate on child it helps

Seven stages of greif!! It will take time… If you could figure out a way for him to face time with your child and you not having to have visual contact that might help you also… You will be connected because you have a child together… but out of sight out of mind… no small talk only business…
The sun will come back out :wink::relaxed:

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Stay busy, itll take time either way.

Honestly do stuff that your ex husband hated that you always wanted to do or try but never had the support !! This is the best way to move on live with out the negative find enjoyment of things you missed out on :ok_hand:t2::raised_hands:t2: be free find yourself even if it’s going to a paint night by your self ect or a cooking class just to meet new people ps they are really fun :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I would get out and start being active in your community :hugs: it’s a great way to move on a build a health new life

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Its hard to go through divorce we were together 7 years then got married only lasting 8 more a counselor may help or a best friend or family member take one day at a time but get a good lawyer divorces never go smoith make sure assets ate equal and he pays child and spousal support i wish you the very best for you and your daughter

I think you are doing everything right! I would say just give yourself some more time!

This is normal. You will have highs and lows. Been there. I didn’t really want him back. I wanted my old life back. I wanted that security. I wanted a sense of family. The way I dealt with it was to focus in myself and my child more. I have dated, but I still choose my peace.

My
Mom always told me this too shall pass

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One year for every 4 years you were together I was told is the norm for “getting over” someone and feeling healed enough to move on. When I was told that, I thought it was BS. Now I totally agree. It’s going to take time. Find things to keep yourself occupied, like you said, going out with friends, new hobby, spend time with your child. There will be time for dating later. You can’t give 100% of yourself to someone else if there’s still a little bit of you with someone else.

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Time is what it takes. Alot of time. It’s been over 6 years since my divorce and it still comes back to haunt me every once in awhile. Don’t give up.

Go to a rage room and break some stuff.

It takes time that’s for sure

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Time. It takes time. Focus on yourself and your child and try to keep busy. Continue doing what you’re doing. Keep communication about your child, nothing personal. That will help keep feelings and emotions out of it. Eventually, someone will come along, when you least expect it, and you’ll feel whole again. :two_hearts:

Time cures most of our emotions, good or bad.

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Nothing in life seems to ever be easy. God and then your children should always come first, no matter what and not a dang thing happens over night. You shouldn’t feel guilty for anything as long as your children are doing good and taken care of. This will pass and trust me, you will get through it! Keep ahold of them reins and keep going for you and your child!! God will lead you in the right direction!! Praying for you all!

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You’re in my thoughts & prayers…I’m here, if I can ever help! :two_hearts:

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I divorced my second, a high school boyfriend who came back into my life 10 years after graduation. I was divorced with 3 children a son 9, and daughters 11 and 12. I felt the same way I had in high school but forgot all the mean or thoughtless stupid things he did then. I was alone and now he was in my life and my parents quit micromanaging my life as I now had a male in it. Like the hillbilly mom in the western movie said to her husband, “We need to find a good man for (daughter) before she takes up with the furst 3 legged man that comes around” and he was my 3 legged man. I never noticed how he was because of how my parents now treated me.h We married and within 6 months I realized it was not good for me or my children. He had moved us across the country so he could get back into his crazy life he had kect and tried to drG me and my kids in with him. I insisted we move back to my home and realized he lied to me so much that I couldn’t depend on anything he said. A year or so after thevl divorce I was talking to another women who had divorced herGay husband and what shecsaud then helped more than months of therapy. Shecsaud that recovering from a GY jerk who wanted to marry to get straight takes at least 5 years to start to feel good again and she was still healing at 6 years. I kept at it because she knew what shecwas talking about and had to ignore my mother who kept hoping on, “If you din’t talk about it, then it never happened.” You know what I told her next time she said that and she yelled “DON’T TALK TO YOUR MOA-THEEER LIKE THAT.” She never said Mother, always Mooe-theeer.

Find a hobby… learn the new YOU… try new adventures and try cooking new foods. Fill your life with new people and experiences and find what makes you happy solo.
I was kinda lucky… my ex husband was physically and mentally abusive so it was easy to walk away and not have those strong feelings of attachment … but I also did just what I said… I learned to live without restrictions or doom looming over my head all the time and it was wonderful!!

Time. And I know it’s not a popular opinion but it’s the truth. It took me a long time to “grieve” my loss, but I’m happier now than I have ever been and aside from God helping through it, really allowing myself to feel those emotions was an important step in healing.

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Youre doing the right things. Keeping busy, surrounding yourself with good people. It’s a loss like death. It takes time.

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It’s good to cry but go out and enjoy the company of your freinds . It will take time to get over it but it will get easier . It is like you are in mourning. So give yourself time to heal.

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Time. Therapy. Work, stay busy. Friends.

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You just need time. Do things that bring you peace.

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Highly recommend therapy. The grieving process takes time…Do things that make YOU happy! Self care is essential! You’ve got this!

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I love the book Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke. I also participated in & Co facilitated Divorce Recovery Groups. I was able to process many issues particularly what my part was. Prayers

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It’s hard. You know it’s the right thing but you are still breaking your own heart going through it. Time is literally the only thing that helps. Cry, do what you need to do.

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Throw yourself into your work, your hobbies, and everything that is YOU :two_hearts: indulge in you and even try some new things you always wanted to but didn’t have time for. Best wishes to you girl. :two_hearts:

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Time!!! It takes alot of time!!

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Window shop on a dating site.

You are grieving a loss. It’s OK to do it on your time, and know that there is no real answer.

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Are you still in love with him? If so why not give it another chance. Feels to me u both r not over each other. Prayers to both.

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Divorce is a death to a marriage that once was . Allow yourself to grieve . It takes time / took me years . Each day gets a bit easier - ease up on yourself . I am also so sorry . I know the pain is awful .

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Travel with your child, and focus on your relationship with them more than you ever have. You’re both grieving this relationship ending, and you have to be there for each other.

That whole “to get over someone, you have to get under someone new” doesn’t work, and it creates a lot of damage in the process.

I applaud you not wanting to do that. That is commendable.

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Keep moving forward… Each step is a little closer, but you will have to be in contact bc of your child. It all works out, somehow! :pray: For you and your child!

It just takes time… if you really feel stuck try a therapist to help you move forward. Start something new for the new you.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to get over my spouse when divorcing?

Self help books/ podcasts, learning to love yourself more. It’s empowering!!

Time, time is the only thing that makes things better, you will find every day will be easier and easier as long as you focus on you and your kiddo…when you’re sad, recognize it, feel it, cry but let it go and don’t stay there…Pray and pray and pray…God will show you ways to heal…best of luck!

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Sounds like you’re doing everything you can, honestly. Time heals all wounds. You spent a great deal of time with this person and they were a huge part of your life. Day by day it’ll get easier.

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It just takes time. You’re doing great. Just don’t jump into any kind of relationship until you’re really ready.

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You just have to let yourself feel it. It’s the end of something that was a huge part of your heart. Surround yourself with amazing people, get out with your girls and eventually time heals it :heart:

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I was married 11years and 4kids and he walked out the week of Christmas. It was horrible and I begged him back. It takes time. Lots of time to heal and go through the process. When I did start dating I was very picky…I would talk to them first and meet up after tlking a few weeks…Now I am happier then before. I have a wonderful man! He has 2 boys and we just had a baby…so 7 total…crazy yes lol The 2 urs that we have been together there has only been 3 arguments and they were small. Just give it time and know you can do this!!! The rain always ends and the sun will shine :blush:

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Let him know you are hurting. He may be hurting also. If not, move on.

Therapy!!
You are grieving, and it’s a must to sit there with your feelings. That will help you move on. Feel the feelings

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Why are you divorcing? If it’s something he did just keep reminding yourself that you DESERVE more, your WORTH more say it over and over even when your upset and crying. The right one is out there.

Cutting off the phone conversations except for related to your child was a good decision. You are doing things right. It takes time. It’s only been 7 months. You are grieving the life you thought you were going to have. I know, I’ve been there. Give yourself lots of time and love on that sweet little one of yours.

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Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your marriage. It really does feel like someone passed away. Time is the best healer in this. Do things for yourself, get a pedicure, whatever it is you do to pamper yourself.

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God bless you sister! You are strong & beautiful! Time heals all wounds! Do something for your self repeatedly until you fall in love with yourself all over again! It’s your time to shine again! :sparkles:

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Counseling may help. Time and grief will help the most. My heart aches for you but you got this!!!

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Honestly time is the only thing that helps.

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Self care. Do you. Love on that baby. Focus on you TWO. Do things that bring you joy.

Read Peaceful on Purpose by Joel Osteen. I loved it.

I gave myself an allotted time to grieve every day. After my 3 kids were in bed, I would cry, write down my feelings, list something positive that I was going to do, etc… If I started thinking about things outside of my allotted time, I would envision a really big STOP sign. It would hit me sometimes passing cars on the road with couples inside, seeing my neighbors arriving home with their families, seeing couples dining together…it is a loss. Allow yourself time to grieve. It will get better, I promise. Best of luck to you!

Take a picture of your child when you feel sad. Look at how beautiful and happy your child is .
As long as you keep doing this and remind yourself it will slowly get better

I went through this recently especially the part that says “they were my other person” I felt that.
It will take time but never worry about what you have no control over , be happy with what’s in front of you