To have the fiance able to adopt, the biological father has to sign off all rights to the child. That should get him off the birth certificate. After marrying the fiance, she can do a legal name change without needing to be in touch with the biological father.
1 Like
You need to let go of the resentment bf it does even more catastrophic damage to your kids
1 Like
Why put yourself in this situation to begin with?!
6 Likes
Depending on your state if the child was born within a marriage (whether the child is hubbyâs or not) the state sees the father of child as the husband. You need to goto domestic relations or elsewhere, heck call Maury, and get paternity testing done to prove heâs not the father. The biological father will have sign away rights for the man to adopt the child
6 Likes
People I know its confusing but sheâs sharing custody of the baby with the ex-husband (not the pappy). Who she obviously wants to severe ties with. Maâam, you need to seek legal counsel and find out your options.
I am so surprised that with the way the world is today the people on here are so judgmental. Girls can go around and have sex with numerous men and thereâs nothing wrong with that, you can claim that virginity is never a real thing, divorce is skyrocketing, having different children to different men is not a problem. Yet youâre coming down on OP because she had a kid with one guy, was still living with her husband that she has no relations with, And ended up getting engaged to someone else. I donât get it, what makes her so bad when thereâs so many other things that are more wrong with this world?
11 Likes
Well if yâall were married when he took you to court, that is why he was granted partial custody. At least by what youâre saying thatâs what it sounds like happened in court. Go back into court and for now get a dna test done on him and her. Now that youâre not married and heâs biologically not her father, shouldnât be to hard to remove him.
In our state at 14 you can file to legally change a childâs last name without notifying the other party⊠however u need good reason to change it n judge will talk to the child to see if that is their wishes; also if there is zero contact n zero cs pd for 6 months u can file for child abandonment to have rights terminated.
Is your ex still in your childâs life? He obviously cared if he fought for a child that wasnât his n especially that he won shared custody
1 Like
First, I get it you donât want to be alone. But we need to sometimes put our wants and needs aside for our children. Your daughter is still young but you need to think wiser. They can still remember things as young as her age. My son 10, remembers certain things from 4-5 year old. Itâs hard being in an abusive relationship and not to be together and live with that person. I did that with my sonâs father. He was a abusive to me soo bad. Went to work with covered black eyes.
2, if you are for sure about this fiancĂ© then make things right with him if you havenât already. Be honest and set ground rules/ requirements for you and your daughter. If when you get married and you want to change her last name you can go to have to the option to legally change her name under the age of 7. (I donât know if that depends on state laws so you can call family courthouse and ask them. But I know thatâs how it works here in Jersey. But ask your daughter how she would feel about changing her name. I know some people may think itâs crazy but I asked my son because I wanted to make sure he felt part of the family. When I grew up I didnât feel part of the family because my mom got remarried and had three more children.) 3, why have you not been honest with the previous guy? The one that fought for custody? That is wrong. You need to talk to him if he doesnât know and curious for myself, the judge didnât mention the birth father vs your ex fighting for custody? The judge didnât ask about that? Idk thatâs weird unless you explained it to the judge but then why would this ex not know itâs not his child. But anyway, you need to make decisions for your daughter and what will help her. Iâve been through a lot as well and sometimes it feels like we are hanging on by a thread and we donât know how to make it. But there is hope. And the shit Iâve been through has made me such an amazing mother. 
How horrible was this marriage if you still lived in the house years afterwards âfor the kidsâ?
3 Likes
I donât understand why so many negative comments!! You wouldnât want any one to comment like this if it was your post would you?
Iâd be thrilled for my child a,man thatâs not her dadâŠ
.wants to be. Especially real dad not being around. It takes a special kind of person to step up n take care of a child that isnât blood⊠Iâm not understanding. Your making it about you, when it should be about that child
1 Like
Shouldnât been in no relationship til you was out of that house let alone having a baby .you kinda asked for this trouble.
I thought this page was about nailsâŠ
2 Likes
It doesnât have to be legal for your husband to be her dad. Being a dad has nothing to do with what papers say. My step father IS my dad, he never did it legally but he was the one there for me from the day he met us, and will still be there any day, no matter what time it is. For 37 years, heâs been dad. The guy that is on my birth certificate, although I love him dearly, hasnât returned my phone calls for over 2 years and hasnât even met my 10 yo cause heâs âbusyâ.
Donât let him have that hold on you. All the paper means is he has to pay child support. Nothing else.
Join Usâ:hibiscus:
If you were still married when you had the baby by someone else the husband is still legally the father and has rights just like you because you wasnât divorced when you had the baby.
Depending on your state you will need to 1âŠpetition for a DNA test. Then 2âŠonce it proves that he is not her biological father you will have a court date set to remove parental rights of your ex husband. Then 3âŠhave a new birth certificate made listing biodad (or no father). If your relationship works out and you n marry your fiance then he can petition for step parent adoption. If the bio dad signs off on it he will be good to go on the adoption. What you need is for tbe biologicalfather to sign away his rights. If he doesnât it will take some more court dates to remove his parental rights assuming there is adequate reason to. Like if heâs been nonexistent in her life at all. Im in CA and thats how it works here in my city/state. Hope that helps!
A DNA test would eliminate the ex having any rights. Thatâs where Iâd start. Probably best to get yourself some actual legal advise from the state you line in. Which any reputable lawyer will do a free consultation. Good luck
How tf does a person win partial custody of a child that isnât blood related to them whatsoever? Thatâs makes no sense.
What ever children u have in a marriage that person more legal right then the biological father its weird but thats the way it is and do urself a favour just leave her name as is if she wants to do it when She is older then she can but dont be playin god with her life ur men will come and go that shouldnât have any effect on ur daughter or her identity
All i can say isâŠsorry for your kids.
3 Likes
I kinda hope he takes you back to court for full custody because you clearly cannot make the decisions that are best for the child
9 Likes
If someone is listed as the father on the birth certificate and isnât the biological father they become the legal father if itâs been over 2 years and the child has become to know the person as dad so it will be very hard to chance at least thatâs how itâs here in PA.
Why am I noticing this trend, he isnât even your husband. How about you let your kid grow up and decide is they want to be adopted by him You only been with this man for 3 years.
You donât make any sense
5 Likes
100% much more to that story than is being told. biological dads on birth certificate, and husband thats being divorced has legally won shared custody of a child that aint his? that wouldnt happen in a million years without something else going on
12 Likes
Itâs still confusing, lol
You need to seek professional help for yourself. This is a mess
7 Likes
Ummm a lawyer for adviseâŠnot FB
3 Likes
WowâŠthis is going to be harshâŠhonestly you have created this whole mess and the children had no say in the choices you made but ultimately they are the ones who will sufferâŠyou seem to have no regards for anyone but yourselfâŠwhat a sad irresponsible situation!
4 Likes
We can only go off of what uv told us. As much as u donât like ur ex, ur daughter knows him as her father. U say ur new partner may want to adopt her some day. What if he succeeds in doing so, but someday u guys split up, and ur in the same situation as u are in right now⊠where thereâs a man u no longer want to be with, raising ur child who isnât his? I think u would rip ur daughterâs heart out if u took her away from the only father sheâs ever knownâŠthe current father. As impossible a situation u feel ur in, ur daughterâs reality needs to become u and ur new guyâs reality. If that means ur ex being in ur life for the next 20 years, then so be it. Iâm not blaming u for ur past choices. We donât know the entire backstory, and nobodyâs perfect. But going forward, there is at least one good decision u can make, and that is to let ur daughter remain in her fatherâs life, without disrupting that bond, and without resentment. U cannot pass that resentment towards him on to her, knowingly or unknowingly. That is not right, nor fair, to that little girl who loves u and her father unconditionally. I wish u luck.
9 Likes
Whoa, hold up. Thereâs way more to this. How did the biological fatherâs name get put on the birth certificate if heâs MIA? secondly the child was born while still legally married, A Divorce wouldnât be granted if you were pregnant at the time of proceedings claiming your Ex wasnât the Father. A Divorce WOULD NOT be granted until paternity was established! So if the EX has shared custody of the child that knows NO ONE besides him as Daddy, but you are wanting some dude you arenât Married to AND yank that out from under your CHILD , GROW UP! You claim it was a Horrible marriage, BUT YOU lived under the same roof with YOUR HUSBAND while knocked up by another guy? Yeah Thereâs way more to this!
6 Likes
Clearly you are the issue
3 Likes
If your ex was living in the same house as your last baby for years then he was assisting in supporting that kid. And obviously the kid would look at him as the siblings do and think its their dad too. So courts take the kids mental well-being into consideration also which means that you Dont get to just cut him out of the childâs life willi-nilly as you please. Let the kid keep in touch with people who care. Your ex obviously does or he would have ditched the kid in the first place.
2 Likes
You had a outside baby while still married, maybe thinking something would come of that relationship. When that failed after your marriage wasnât working out, you found somebody else you want to label as her daddy. Girl bye
3 Likes
Women ! Unbelievable!!
He has to sign over all rights to the child in order for adoption. U will need his permission. U also have to be married. I just went through this. Kinda sounds like the guy that has some custody over her is a good guy , fighting for a child thatâs not his. Why would u take that from ur child? U have to have an attorney to do it and Iâm telling u that judge is going to know ur history and is probably going to deny the request. They will look at the best interest for the child , not the best interest for the mother. Some states require that if u are married when u have a child and itâs not biologically their child it does not matter, SC is like this. I had a baby while married and even tho he was not the father and the real father was there to sign the birth certificate they would not let me put the biological father on it bc I was still married. So I left it blank most states will put ur husbandâs name anyway , but I had been separated for ten years . So they left it blank.
u sound a little confused
What were you thinking?
He canât get custody of child that not his
If you are married and have a childâŠthat is your husbandâs child regardless of other sperm donorsâŠ
Check with a lawyerâŠwho works in family lawâŠ
You will probably need to get a form signed giving up rights. maybe from both menâŠ
Does you ex husband pay child support??
You said shared custodyâŠ
Lots of different factors in this situation
Is rhis a kitten or a child. Mother pleeeeese get it together.
Stop bringing different men in and out of your daughters life and then just expecting them to walk away when you split. Its not fair on your daughter OR the daddy you bringing in to help raise her until the next comes along
Does your daughter love the guy who fighting for custody? Does she want to be in his life still? Thatâs ya answer. Put ya own shit aside
Hang on hang on⊠I just reread this shit
So you were still living with your husband when you got pregnant and had another baby by another man, and then, when she was born and still living with your husband, you met another dude who was in her life for 6 months before you even moved out of your husbands house, and now you with that dude?
You need to work on raising your daughter instead of bed hopping
Have Dna done and then possible
Did her biological dad sign the affidavit with the hospital acknowledging paternity?
If not then unfortunately heâs probably not on her actual/legal birth certificate (different from the hospitalâs certificate of birth which is not actually a legal document by the way).
Which means that in the eyes of the law your ex husband is legally her father because you were still legally married at the time of her birth.
Did you request a DNA test of both your ex and your childâs biological father during your divorce?
Thatâs where you need to start. Get a copy of her birth certificate from your countyâs health department.
See which name is actually on the birth certificate and then contact a lawyer.
4 Likes
When he took you to court is when you should if demanded a DNA test to prove he wasnât the biological father then he would of never had rights given to him.
3 Likes
Doesnât sound like the full story TBH 
10 Likes
Depending on the state, because he was your husband at the time she was conceived or born, he is considered the father regardless of being on the birth certificate or not. That is the law in NY. However, you can fight it in family court.
3 Likes
If yâall did a DNA proving ex isnât dad Iâll b ok cuz I know if u married and have a kid by drone else while stillarried even if serrated heâs considered the dad
How did your ex husband get shared custody for a child that isnât his?
3 Likes
Uh why did they grant him shared custody when he has no relation to that child? I didnât think they would do that.
he canât file for adoption for a child he is not biologically related to (unless he has proof of neglect etc) ⊠
How did bio get his name on birth certificate if you were married? Your husband would legally be the fatherâŠ
And I feel like thereâs a LOT missing here, courts donât just hand people custody to kids that arenât theirs without a reason
Unfortunately when it was over between you and him doesnât really make a difference, the actual divorce/separation does. Sounds like you need to focus more on yourself and your kids than the men around you
4 Likes
Andrewâs Dad went to court and divorced him, I didnât think that was right or fair .As i say he wasnât a Dad or a Father in any shape.
Get a DNA test and show proof that he isnât the father. Also putting him on the birth certificate was not so goodâŠ
Wow all you do is turn in adoption papers and request DNA I canât believe they awarded custody with out DNA test unless you never told them she wasnât his kid 
I know laws a weird if a child is conceived threw marriage but itâs very easy to get him off birth certificate and stop custody just get a DNA and request full custody mom then have step dad request adoption after that process is finished 
3 Likes
Personally think she went along with it to get CS and now sheâs found someone else itâs biting her in the assâŠ
You need a good lawyer. Not his. He didnt adopt her but they give him custody? Doesnt seem right
1 Like
Get a lawyer and speak with them about it.
1 Like
Doesnât matter if itâs a different bio dad
When u were still married it made legal for him to be on birth certificate and Becuz of time with that father Iâm the judge can claim him as father as it becomes close to yo 2 years. Not sure why he tried to even get custody if he didnât help raise her since birth.
You actually would still hold ties with your ex Becuz you have bio kids with him so no escape there.
Yeah your bf can adopt your baby but you have to be married and this will close any chance of getting child support from your husband.
Of course this is attorney advice that Iâm passing along. You should get an attorney. Although since heâs bio dad of the older kids you will have to share parenting time with him.
If the guy on the birth certificate still has rights and still sheâs her, your SO canât adopt her. The ex would have to give up or lose his rights in order for your SO to adopt her.
2 Likes
Hats off to the man for taking her as his own and fighting for her.
She doesnât need to be adopted.
12 Likes
If you were married when that child was born, whether biologically his or not, legally the child is your ex-husbands. Unless there is a DNA test and a court case determining paternity belonging to someone else, that child will legally be considered the child of the person you were married to when they were born. The courts will not âbastardizeâ a child when someone is willing to fill the role of father.
2 Likes
It doesnât matter if the child is biologically his or not, you chose to live with him instead of on your own giving him rights. He has rights because he has been in her life since the beginning establishing a ârelationshipâ with her. The more people who love her, the better off she will be. I suggest you all talk together and start getting along. One big happy family for her sake.
4 Likes
you need to take it back to court because that judge may not be there anymore and anyone with sense would not order that
3 Likes
How did he manage to get custody? Was he on the birth certificate?
1 Like
You should just be grateful someone is willing to love her and step up and be a father. Why confuse her?
6 Likes
I mean yâall were married. He was in her life. He helped raise her. Unless heâs abusive, Thats her father whether your new man likes it or not. This is not a game but your toying with your childs life as if this will have no impact on her whatsoever. You can confuse her and for what? Because these decisions arent being made for her benefit. She gains nothing from these changes. Its for you.
So idk what to say to help you other than leave that babygirl out of your crap.
6 Likes
Ask her real father to get involved and go to court with you
3 Likes
I donât think someone else can adopt her when she already legally has a dad
2 Likes
Thatâs awful, file for a restraining order against that douche!! He has NO rights to be in that baby girls life. What the hell⊠creepy as fuck
You need to fix the situation by any means necessary
That sounds creepy as fuck and I would honestly suspect that your ex husband is not treating her very well and/or sexually abusing her. I see NO other reason why this man would care so much about having his ex wifeâs child with a DIFFERENT MAN. Super weird.
Consult with a lawyer
2 Likes
Her father would have to give up his rights to her and sign off on the adoption. And
1 Like
I would be happy he wants to be in the childâs life thatâs not his! And if you guys are on good grounds and he treats her like the others why not? Sheâs only known him. And I would change the last of her so she matches her siblings so there ainât questions when she gets older⊠but like I said if heâs there for her and treats her like the rest and you guys get along Iâd be all in for it. But I am curious how he got custodyâŠ
2 Likes
Check your state. In Texas after 4 years she would be his. Some states will allow a DNA test to prove heâs not and get him off the birth certificate. Definetly consult a lawyer.
You have to be married and if the bio doesnât agree with it then you have to have grounds for termination and take him to court. Seems like the child has a good daddy for you to live with him that long and you should leave their relationship alone and let her have a good relationship with both of them. A child canât have too much love
1 Like
Sadly, ex, has every right. She was a child born within the marriage and ex is presumed to be the father.
I hope you have taken this presumed father to court for child support.
Time to get an attorney.
1 Like
Have. Him.to try. To. Adopt this. Baby. Explain to. The. Judge. That. She. Wasnât. Biologically. His
I did this first you have to terminate the bio parents rights if bio parent not active and in same state it should be easy in my situation bio mom was in another state so it took longer to find her once u terminate the bio parents rights then u have to go back to court n file for adoption but u must first terminate the bio parents rights its a process but worth the wait when i adopted it cost me 2500 total that was in 2004 i had to have a lawyer
1 Like
The man that has custody dad or not would have to sign his rights away before any adoption can happen. That probably will not happen so your now fiance will just have to be step dad
1 Like
Let him adopt your child see a lawyer.
Well in my state if you are married even if the child isnât the other personâs the courts still consider it to be . My brother went though this. He had to do a DNA and fight it. She cheater. Get a lawyer however if he is good to her let it go. Blood isnât always family.
1 Like
Talk to the dad thats on the birth certificate
1 Like
FiancĂ© no, husband yesâŠhave husband terminate his rights! But I wouldnt be so quick do this is either
Go back to Court and get DNA testing
If he loves her. Takes on the burden why would you even want to terminate his rights? My ex stepped up to the plate with my 2 little girls, we had a son and 10 years into it didnât work, he absolutely 100% got to keep seeing all 3 kids! Just because we didnât keep it together no WAY was I punishing them! You made the choice, bad or good not her, so if that means itâs a life sentence on youâŠso be it make better choices. Donât punish her.
When we know better we do better.
4 Likes
I have talked to a family attorney and it is possible. We are looking at doing the same thing with my fiancĂ© and daughter. Talk to an attorney about it. They can tell you what is possible and what isnât
U made your bed now lie on it
I know in some states if you have a baby while married your husband is presumed the dad and has all the rights a dad would have, even if no dad is listed on birth certificate. It sounds like you live in one of those states and thatâs why your husband has 50/50. Check your local laws because he may have to sign over his rights in order for your new man to adopt. But if your ex fought for her then itâs not likely he will just sign her over. Your new man can be a dad to her regardless if being able to adopt her or not, and you donât need to share the same last name, itâs not necessarily. My oldest doesnât have the same last name as me and Iâve never had a problem with school or doctors. In her eyes your ex is her dad and you shouldnât even try to take that away from her if itâs not toxic.
The fact that he cares enough to want to fight to be in this childâs life even tho he knows it isnt his child shows me the kind of father he is, and I hope you dont take that away from him, meanwhile you should consider working on your own situation and less on men
1 Like
How was he able to adopt the child? Even though, she didnât belong to him and the biological father signed the birth certificate. None of this makes any sense. And why did you two live together for so long after being split up from each other. It usually requires a DNA test on the child and than him. But even so, the dad signed it. So he shouldnât have been able to get anything. Not even shared custody.
I just want to be clear here; the babyâs bio dad is not in the picture at all, but the father of your other children has been there and treats and loves her like his own (proof being that he is fighting to keep her), and she most likely loves him and thinks of him as her dad? What exactly is the problem?
My birth father had to sign off his rights before my stepdad could adopt me. It was weird because my mom had to adopt me also so we could share the last name. See a lawyer on it since in the courts eyes she has another father.
5 Likes
Sounds like your ex is the most committed, stable person in this situation. As husband, at the time of your daughterâs birth, he is considered the legal father. You daughter also appears to have siblings and it is in her best interest to maintain her position and relationship with them. You need to think more about your daughterâs best interests and less about your desires. Frankly it appears that you jump from man to man and the child certainly needs your ex and siblings to be a stable part of her life. Hopefully he will help her grow up with the ability to work for and be happy in a committed relationship. She isnât going to learn that from you.
It sounds like the child is wanted and loved by both men. Could you not put your differences aside with your Ex ? If he is the one that has been on her life before the fianceâ? There is nothing wrong with more love.
I donât even understand how he got shared custody over a child thatâs not his and his name isnât on the birth certificate. That doesnât make any sense to me.
4 Likes
So your ex husband loves this child as his own & treats her as his own? Spends time with her the same as your other children?? You want to separate her from the other kids?? Are you nuts??? She has a dad, & a father!! Leave it alone!
2 Likes
The person on the bc has to sign his rights away. Depending on the state, is most likely why your ex husband gets to have some kind of custody. Once he does that and you marry your current fiancé, he can then adopt the baby.