If you have children that makes a big difference in trying to heal. It is too easy to just walk away.
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You can get through this but things will never be the same and the constant thought of it happening again just makes you miserable. I was never able to trust him again and it was just straight torture to myself.
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Wake up and smoke the roses. Start thinking of yourself, the old saying once a cheater always a cheater.
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Did it once and got away with trust he’ll so again.
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If you really love the other. No reason can make you leave. If you do it isn’t love
It can work, I’m proof my husband cheated for four years over 35 years ago we are stronger than ever, going on 45 years,
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As someone who has been in your situation but my kids were grown you have to realize he loves you it’s you he came home too sex is just that sex all feeling left at the door he came home to you built a home with you so it’s you he’s always choose
Once a cheater always a cheater
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My X and I were married 10 yrs & I caught him cheating in my truck. Well I prayed so hard to forgive him for our kids sake but I knew he was still doing it. So our 20 yr anniversary hit I finally kicked him out & I divorced him. I remarried and my new husband is totally different from my X. He goes to work and come home. He never goes anywhere without my boys & our princess. You need to pray hard & maybe go to counseling if you want it to work. Praying everything works out for you.
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- You won’t destroy anything. He destroyed it when he cheated. Whether the kids know it now or not.
- You leaving does not change him being a good father. If it does he was never a good father to begin with.
- Separate. Seek therapy. Heal yourself. If you still feel compelled to be with him after doing so then try and work it out then. But holding onto that pain while trying to fix the relationship is only going to hurt you more.
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Do some research and look into abusive relationships and then decide. I recommend finding a personal therapist for yourself
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. You leave.
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Join fb group called
Cheated on but staying
I’m do sorry you are going through this. However if you really truly feel like you can’t stay with that person then leave, heal.
Dear Sweet Writer: Your pain is still so raw after a year that I think you need someone to help you examine your pain and help you move on to the next step, whatever that is going to be. I have been in your shoes but I’m not the person to help you get through this. There are so many issues and layers to go through before you. Please get professional counselling. When you are in a better place, you can make counselling sessions joint.
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I was in your shoes once…been together since we were kids, married almost 10yrs and found out he cheated. Then later on found out it wasn’t his first or last time I couldn’t trust him anymore so I left. Every situation is different but go with your gut and what is best for you and the KIDS…most people forget about them when the marriage goes wrong. Best wishes 
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Someone who is trying to makeup for past mistakes and is truly sorry and shows it deserves forgiveness. It will just take time to fall back in love with him again.
What you need isn’t a quick fix, nor is it a simple answer. You need time and probably some therapy for yourself. As someone who went through this and is 5 years post affair, I can honestly tell you, it is not easy, nor is it for the faint of heart. It’s easy for people to say, just leave. Followed by thousands of sayings like, “once a cheater always a cheater… It’ll never work… You cant fix this.” I can personally tell you, you CAN fix this. Not for your kids or your husband, but for you. If you’re not in it 100%, it truly won’t work. You have to be committed to feeling the feelings and working through them together. Being devastated is normal. Being sad is normal. Being upset is normal. Being angry and all those feelings is NORMAL…and you’re allowed to feel all those things. This isn’t much different than a death. You’re grieving and processing what you thought you knew. All of these feelings are signs that you’re processing this mental trauma. And believe me, it is a trauma like none other. Dont push those feelings away. Don’t squash them down to the point where you explode. When something is on your heart, talk to your husband about it. Whether it’s something that triggered you, or if you just can’t stop obsessing over a certain thought…Let it OUT. He needs to know and see what you’re feeling. DON’T HIDE IT. That’s how you build back your marriage. It starts with trusting he can handle it. How he deals with your verbalizing it will tell you alot. It’s not in hiding it and pretending everything is fine. You made the choice, but you’ve gotta do the work. There’s nothing wrong with the feelings you’re feeling. You have the biggest indicator that your husband is holding himself accountable: actions. Actions are the best indicator of changed behavior. Do you know how many women don’t ever see that? That’s what makes or breaks a marriage after infidelity. That tells you he’s in it. But you’ve gotta be honest with him and yourself. It’s ok to have good days and bad days. Your marriage will never be the same is a factual statement. It won’t . But that’s not to say it’s impossible to build it back. What it will ultimately end up to be, is up to the two of you. Don’t let anyone else tell you any different if they haven’t been through it. It’s ok to not forget, but forgiveness has to be done first for you to ever even get there. If you can do that, the rest will follow. But be honest, and tell him how you feel. He needs to hear it, whether good or bad, and accept that you need to verbalize it in order to keep moving forward.
I’ll leave with a verse that stuck in my mind, and time again. Especially days when I was having a difficult day, which also happened to be one we picked for our wedding ceremony:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
This might not be popular but I say give it time. It’s not always a case that if someone cheats once they’ll do it again. He seems to be expressing regret for what he did and trying to be a better husband and dad. People do a lot of other things in a marriage that cause intense hurt - they take each other for granted,stop communicating,stop caring. These things can destroy a marriage yet people tend to plod on regardless. I think the fact that you had only been with each other exclusively and that is now changed forever is also haunting you. Thing is he can’t undo what’s been done and you cheating to even the scales will just cause more hurt to you both. I say give it time. You don’t have to forget but you can try to forgive and move forward as a family. At the end of the day at least you’ll know you fought for your marriage. I wish you all the best 
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It’s up to you an what you want you thank!
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Be gentle on yourself. Take it one step at a time. Start by loving you first. Try your best not to think about the past, ask God to help you forgive and for healing.
But at some point you should both be big enough to talk about what made him make that decision. How can yall work towards improving in those areas, trying to avoid such from happening again, etc. It will give you closure, and it will be the beginning of an amazing love journey for you both 
This is just to mention a few ideas to consider for starters… Hope you guys can work it out.
Nb: I definitely would not recommend cheating back.
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I’m gonna be a little different as not to go into my own situation as it’s not about me I will tell you if you really want to forgive him and keep your family together give it time and alot of patience as hard as it is its been 7 yrs for me been with my so for 24 years and I still think of it and sometimes it still hurts but our lives are way better then they were alot of circumstances caused our problems that lead to what he did but I’m happier now then I had been in a long time and I still love him just as much if not more because we got through it but I do understand alot of situations do not work out. I can only speak for mine good luck on whatever you decide because no matter what it is it is the best decision for you and your family
It’s very honorable of you to put the kids first, and want what’s best for them. For their sake alone, It’s good that you are giving him a second chance. Just don’t let it turn into a third or fourth chance. Make him continue to earn back your trust and always follow your heart, and gut instinct.
I read your whole post before I started to try to form an answer. That was hard to do. You’re going to think I’m terrible, but I’ve been married and divorced 5 times. I didn’t want it that way. I didn’t plan it that way. I wanted to have a husband, two kids, a modest little house, and a job to help make ends meet. I wanted to marry once and that be it. But it didn’t turn out that way. The first one had a wandering eye when he drank, even when I was skinny. When I got pregnant, everything changed. Turns out he didn’t want kids. When I told him I thought I was pregnant; he said, “You’d better hope you’re not.” But I was. The clinic in Okinawa didn’t have my same birth control pills and the ones they gave me didn’t work. Seven months after that baby was born, I got pregnant again. He wouldn’t wait to have sex until the IUD settled into place. We had our daughter in the states. We ended up back in his home state. He had good job experience, so we ended up with a nice house. But he was never home. He had a lot of interests. And turns out, those interests gave him an excuse to be quite the playboy while I was home with the kids. He became abusive, so we split up. I got a divorce and permission from the court to move back to my home state. I got a job, got remarried to a guy I’d known in high school. I thought he’d be safe. A good step-parent. No. His kids were abusive to my kids, and he cheated. He had insisted we get involved in Amway. Taking Amway orders and dropping off products was his excuse to see his girlfriend. So, I left. Got another divorce. I figured there was something wrong with me. Couldn’t keep a man happy I guessed. After awhile of working and taking care of my kids. I met another man. We seemed to hit it off. He was different from the others. No kids. Financially stable. Good sense of humor. Liked to do simple fun things. Liked good music. We got married. Come to find out he was a into drugs. I didn’t want to be around that. I had a professional license. If we happened to get caught with that stuff in the house, I had just wasted my education because I could kiss my license goodbye. He wouldn’t keep that stuff away from me. To top it all off, he took an active dislike to my kids. Finally said that he’d never get rid of my kids unless he got rid of me. He told me to leave. I didn’t let the doorknob hit me in the butt on my way out. He asked me to come back that night. I wandered back the next day. But we were over. We got divorced. He had pretty much cheated with a substance… and his attitude toward children… and mine were almost grown by this time. It was done. I stayed single for awhile. I did meet someone else. Still hoping to find someone to love and someone to love me back. This man was something new. I’m an amateur writer. He sat down and read one of my novels cover to cover, without stopping, one Saturday. Said it was pretty good and why hadn’t I tried to publish it yet? No man had ever read anything I had written before. Ever. Let alone encouraged me. He encouraged me to try karaoke. My adoptive mother always told me to shut up singing around the house. She didn’t want to hear it. So I always thought I couldn’t sing. But I tried it one afternoon. He knew the guy who ran the karaoke for that place. The guy taped me and played it back. I couldn’t believe that was me. I could too sing! I was happy with this guy for quite awhile. But he was hiding a secret. It came out at a Halloween party. He was a severe alcoholic. After that he drank everyday. Heavily. He couldn’t just have a couple and leave it at that. He had to drink until he was totally soused. Everyday. It came to the point beer wasn’t good enough. He went to Scotch. Then he got nasty. Wanted to argue all the time. Always with the putdowns. He was smarter than everybody else and he knew everything. I was an idiot because I didn’t watch the same shows on TV that he did so I didn’t have the right information. I finally asked him to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore. He went to some family downstate. He had gotten laid off from his job, so it was as good a time as any to go. He got called back to work. Didn’t tell me, just started back. Guess he figured he’d just move back in on me. But he got in a bad wreck. Almost died. The hospital called me. My phone number was in his wallet. My sister-in-law took me to the hospital. He was really in bad shape. They weren’t sure he’d make it. He had both legs crushed, a skull fracture, fractured ribs, not good at all. He was bruised all over. I called his sister. She didn’t want anything to do with him because he was a drunk she said, there was no one else to help, so I took over, making medical decisions and talking to doctors and nurses and case managers. Before long they wanted to discharge him to a nursing home. I had them send him to one about 3 miles from my rental house. He was there for two weeks before he finally came back to himself and knew what was going on. While he was still in the hospital, I had had a nervous breakdown. They found out I had numerous problems. They put me in for disability. I got it in 2 months. I was a mess. I still oversaw his medical care. I also took him out and brought him to my rental house everyday for a few hours to get him out of the nursing home to keep him from getting depressed. During this time, we got a divorce so I wouldn’t be stuck with his medical bills. And also, I knew when he got released from the nursing home, he would start drinking again… and after the head injury, it would be worse than ever. I was right. We stayed friends though. He eventually developed cirrhosis and a lesion on his liver. His doctor set him up with hospice. My car had died by this time and I would ride with him in taxis to the doctor’s appointments. One night, he passed away at his home. He tried to call me during the night, but my phone didn’t ring in. I didn’t get the call till the next morning. I sent the police to check on him. He was already gone. I was destroyed. I stayed alone for a long time. I moved to an apartment. The rent was cheaper. They let me have my ex’s dog after my shrink gave me a letter approving me for an emotional support dog. Thank the Good Lord for this dog! I met a man through some neighbors while I was living there. He seemed nice enough. Had a good sense of humor. Liked dogs. My dog gradually accepted him. When they started talking about raising my rent. He said I could come stay with him. So I did. It worked out well… till things got serious and we got married. Then all of a sudden, getting his half of the bills was like pulling teeth. He wanted separate bank accounts. Fine. I never knew how much money he made. Soon I was paying for everything. One night while my dog was eating, one of his dogs tried to nudge her away from her bowl. She growled. He went after her with a taser. I turned on him. Then he started cussing me and giving me all kinds of grief. Throwing things… threw me out. I called my daughter to come get me. We moved all my stuff to her place. I was there about a year, my dog and I, until her boyfriend at the time took a dislike to me. He would yell and scream and cuss at me. I started hunting another place. There wasn’t one I could afford. So I started looking close to where my son lives in another state. I found one. In a short time, I put together some money, rented a van from Enterprise and packed up… moving out of state. My dog and I drove away with all our stuff toward our new home. We made it in 8 hours. I’ve had to move once since then. That apartment building changed hands and the rent went way up. I am in a senior’s apartment now. With my dog. We’re here, by ourselves, getting old together. I‘ve promised us both, no more men, no more trouble!
I can’t answer the how to get over it without leaving him and starting new ( on your own, not looking for anyone else) My ex cheated and I was done. That is one thing I will not try to reconcile over. You need time to morn the loss of the relationship you had. Once your over the hurt them maybe you can try to move forward. With or without him. Either way, you need time to yourself. If he’s a good day and as good a husband as you say he is now, he will understand this and be there for you and the kids. If not, then he’s not as good a dad or husband and he’s putting on.
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Marriage counseling will be your best solution, if he won’t agree to that, then unfortunately you need to protect yourself from further heartache , god bless
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You mention sin in your post so I am going to go off of that as confirmation that you believe in Jesus Christ. The only way to make your relationship work will be through your forgiveness and taking this to the foot of the alter in CHURCH! Seek REAL guidance from an elder that can help you. The Lord wants to see happy healthy marriages… You can’t have that unless you let go and let God handle it.
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It’s been a year. Has anything in your own mindset changed? Do you feel anything more for him than you did once you found out? Did you have to find out? When you found out did he try to deny it? Did he try to gaslight you?
Leave your husband and kids out of this for a moment.
Do YOU feel any better or like you’ve made any progress over this last year? If the answer is yes and you think you can make more great, take more time. If the answer is no then maybe you just can’t get past it. That doesn’t mean you destroy your family. Have a good divorce. Remain friends. Coparent well. Extend the family to a man that won’t destroy your heart.
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Talk to a psychologist. It will help tremendously.
Go to therapy if you want it to work. I think you’ll benefit from it. Couple therapy and for you individually.
So was it a one time terrible choice? Or an affair? An affair is multiple terrible choices.
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Once a cheater always a cheater. Been there and tried to trust again but he did the same thing. If somebody really loves you they don’t cheat.
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I think since you have an urge to fix instead of leaving marriage counseling would be your only option.
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I understand this so much 
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Unless you can feel within yourself loved by him beautiful,complete, appreciated. At the end of the day you know no one could make you feel better than him. If he can’t do those things for you anymore irregardless of cheating then it’s not for you than he needs to be putting in the effort in other places. Because you still feel this way. And the resentment is hard, hard hard. It’s hard to letgo of it because it’s your brain reminding you of justice for yourself. What he did was wrong either way and I understand trying to make it work love. My hubby cheated on me and it took a while for us to be okay after alot of tears and angry conversations and boundaries but we got through it and are still going strong and the person he was then is no longer. But his actions stayed consistent he was always by my side reassuring me he wanted nothing else other than us. And to this day treats me like a queen. It’s possible, but only with a lot of work.
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There are only two ways to get over it. 1) is the one you should NEVER consider (I’ll explain why), and 2) is if you want a happy life, 3) if you want to stay with him while keeping your integrity
- cheating on him
DO NOT DO THIS. Although your anger will never vanish until you take revenge and make things square between yourselves, you will realize that it won’t bring the time back nor undo his mistake. It won’t bring his status and respect back, instead, what you’ll be doing is having to reducing your dignity and integrity up to his level so that you feel better about staying with him. Even though this may seem like a reasonable idea, you will never feel strong again. And by that I mean morally strong. You won’t be able to look in your kids eyes who you both betrayed, nor yourself in the mirror. Just don’t do it. You will then be forced to live with him but won’t have any moral authority over him. If he suspects, he might even try to climb a moral high ground and consider you more guilty than himself and you might lose respect in your kids eyes as well who may take their father’s side when they grow and happen to find out the truth.
- Get separated. Love isn’t a one time affair. The lightning strikes again. Just wait. Someone will come who will see your value. You will keep your integrity in your own eyes and your kids. You will feel like you’re have the moral character for the upbringing of your kids. The kids can still meet their dad and he can still be a good dad. You may have to stay single for a while but someone will approach, someone will definitely fell for a single mother.
- If you want to stay with him and make things work, share all of your feelings that you can’t get over it and that you feel like cheating to take revenge because that’s how much you hate him having doing this and that you might never be able to be in love with him. Just expressing your hatred and current feelings will help relieve some of your anger. Once someone cheats, it is never the same. But you both can understand each other and move on from that.
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PRAYER AND COUNSELING.
It’s a painful process. I held a lot of resentment and it really affected my self image. God really worked through the situation and healed me, grew me, and strengthened me. It CAN be done but it doesn’t mean it’s easy or that certain things won’t hurt for a while. Just know that God loves you. He created you. He is there to bear your burdens, to give you peace that surpasses all understanding, and that He cares for you. 
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Therapy is a expensive joke ether you can do it or you can’t move on
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Sounds like therapy for yourself and maybe marriage counseling for the both of you would be best. Especially if deep down you want to make it work.
I am so sorry this happened to you! However, once a cheater always a cheater!
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Lots of prayers for you and your family! I would definitely recommend counseling for all of you. 
I tried for 10 years after the first affair!!! I just couldn’t get over it. So after 22 years I got divorced, and the phone calls & apologizes started. Women came out of the wood work!!! All in all it ended up being 19 different ones!!! That’s just the ones I know.
I come to realize that if they get away with it ONCE it continues!!! A cheater will always be a cheater!!! Don’t waste your life & time somewhere your the RELIABLE one that’s always there .
I did it with 6 kids, be strong!!! There is someone out there that is faithful also!!!
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Read or listen to The Empowered wife or The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle.
Do it once, he can do it again. Have some self respect and leave, you keep talking about how he is trying to make it work but he broke it in the first place and no you won’t ever be the same. Children can still have happy lives with separated parents but you will always feel like this if you stay because it never leaves your mind. Would he be this gracious to you? You said he would leave if you cheated. He does not respect you
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Try therapy. They have life coaches if you prefer that over a therapist. You need to fix you since he’s at least trying. It’s going to be a hard road, but if your family is worth it you will get through it
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Only you can decide for yourself to stay or leave. Take it from someone who husband cheated 4 times and caught him about to cheat for the 5th time before getting out.
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Rule #1… NEVER stay just for the kids! At this point you have to make a decision that nobody can make but you. Can you truly ever forgive him and fully trust him again after what he did?? Sounds like you’re wanting to stay mostly for your kids and that is the worst reason to stay. If you will never be happy…truly happy, with this cheating guy, leave him and find someone who truly deserves you! YOU deserve better than this cheating guy who “loved” you so much that he ran to another woman. Of course he is being nice now …he got caught!! He wants to have his cake and eat it too! If you are ok staying with this cheater then you have your answer. But really think to yourself if you are ok suffering and being unhappy staying with someone who has ruined your marriage. I personally would be out the door. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were…
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There is no going back. He ruined the relationship when he cheated. There is nothing to salvage, that damage is done & cannot be undone. You will always feel like this if you stay with him.
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I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this heartache! As a couple go to a good faith based marriage counselor. It may be difficult to find one but don’t give up. If they get preachy exit and find another that fits you better. You also need to go to counseling separately from your husband. A decision has to be made. Can you forgive him? Can you ever trust him again? If you can’t then it’s not worth staying. The resulting bitterness ( it’s absolutely understandable) will devour you both. It took me a long time to understand how transformative true forgiveness is. It’s so hard to do but the benefits to the person that forgives are life changing. I’ve been married 40 years this year. It’s never been perfect(well every once in a while) and at times downright miserable but we stuck it out. I have always loved my husband but there were times I wasn’t “in love.” Those times were few and they didn’t last but they were real. We gutted it out and stayed together and I’m so glad we did. Your husband’s betrayal is not a reflection on you. Don’t listen to the enemy whispering in your ear. Don’t let him destroy your self esteem or confidence. Many marriages survive cheating and come out the other side stronger and better. It is possible for couples to survive this. Go to counseling and give it a chance. If you decide you can’t move forward then you’ll know you did everything you could to make it work. That’s all you can do. Lastly, as a Christian you know the most important thing you can do is pray for direction, strength, wisdom and healing for you, your husband and your family. On our own we aren’t able to truly forgive. With God’s help we can do things we never thought possible.
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I always said it and I meant it!! It’s been a little over a year since I found tons of pictures of things I didn’t want to see!! Our divorce was final last week and as much as it sucks I could never trust him or want him to touch me ever again
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Counseling both individual and together and not from clergy or at least outside of clergy as well. Best of luck
I think you know what you need to do he made the choice to cheat on you do not do the same
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Once the trust is broken, it’s really hard to get it back.
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Save yourself and that beautiful family you both created. Seek counselling asap.
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how can you be sure it was only one ???
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Sorry but if my husband cheated on me and I chose to stay because of the kids, I would damn sure get revenge. I would probably go fuck his best friend to make him feel even worse than he made me feel but I’m a bitch 
Good luck!
Sweet baby, I haven’t been in your shoes but I do know there’s Someone who loves you very much. He wants what’s best for you, your children, and their father. Thru Him your marriage can be healed and restored. But you will have to take that first step of asking Him. Yes, I’m a Christian, His name is Jesus, and He’s available whenever you want to talk to Him. Lord Jesus, this sweet lady is needing Your help. I’m praying she will seek you for guidance and discernment and that through You their marriage will be healed. In Your Holy Name, Amen.
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Just leave my ex did the same for 8 years straight I tried to no avail
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I’m in the same boat. It’s hard. I don’t know what to do either.
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I haven’t read the comments but marriage counseling and therapy might be a great option for the two of you
Marriage counseling would be helpful. Prayers.
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If it has only been 1 time and he is trying to make amends I would try again. Get therapy for yourself and him. If it has been more than once kick him to the curb
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Focusing on a different aspect- he expects more of you than of himself? He wants you to be forgiving and exclusively his, even though you said yourself he would never forgive you the same sin. Are you truly ok with being less than? The double standard is appalling.
I admire your desire to patch it up, but please consider whether that’s the best option for you and your babies.
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I think marriage councilling would help you both. Give him a real understanding of how much he hurt you and give you the tools to move on.
It happened to me . My ex fiance got drunk at a party and slept with someone .
Guess what I said peace and never looked back .
Now im a mom of 4 with my husband of 8 yrs.
Let him stick my 
somewhere else . He’ll find his stuff packed and shipped to bis new booty place .
Cause i will not tolerate cheating . I wont ever cheat and I expect the same . know what I’m worth and if a man wants someone else even 1 time they don’t deserve me I will not be that person that has no self respect to stay and delude myself it won’t happen again.
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Im sorry that you have dealt with this.
I think that counseling is absolutely necessary. Marriage counseling and maybe individual counseling for both of you, for him to figure out how to work through the issues that caused the affair and then you to work with a different counselor to help you manage to get through this and to work on what this has done to your self confidence. It sounds like you are religious, I would suggest seeking this counseling outside of your chosen church but you can also try to speak to the clergy for support.
This is a hard place to be in and there are never any guarantees that he won’t disappoint you again. But, there aren’t any guarantees the new guy in your life would be faithful either. Watch and wait, take him at his word and see what develops-it could be something really worth the wait.
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I feel your pain in every detail and I am here to tell you that it is very possible to move forward and save your marriage. It hurts and you will be full of these feelings for awhile. That is just how it goes unfortunately. But if you are willing to forgive and I mean really forgive him and work harder than you thought possible, it can happen. The fact that he has admitted his mistakes and made changes is such a wonderful sign. He is committed to fixing this. Some days will be harder than others. Some days you will be angry, sad, depressed and confused. Other days you will feel confident and strong and have so much love and appreciation. The choice is yours, but I want to reassure you that if you decide to stay, you can be happy again. The pain does fade and the love does return. But only if you both are willing to be open, honest and committed. Good luck.
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He will do it again - by staying, you’re teaching him he can get away with it. You and your kids deserve better. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Will you ever really trust him again?
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If you are not in love with him then what’s the point in trying to save it? Don’t save it out of pity for him.
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Try thinking like it’s a new journey for u and him happy he is trying fix it most dont if u need chat pm me retrain ur brain he is sorry and wont happen again he says ur beautiful it’s just bad bump keep working on it u will get thru it maybe personal counseling
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You’re still in the hard work stage of mending your relationship. Once an affair happens it takes a lot of time and patience with yourself and your partner if you can move forward and get past it.
If you are committed to keeping your family together and do want to stay together then first you need to stop the thoughts about revenge cheating on your husband. If one affair has done damage than two will most likely shatter it and destroy all the progress you’ve made together over this past year. What would be the point? And down that road you’ll only have yourself to blame then.
I think you should go to counseling for yourself to help with your self esteem and your value and worth to yourself and what you want in or out of the marriage. Once you can figure out that then you’ll be more clear if you want to make the marriage work and truly able to forgive him and move forward.
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Too many people just throw their marriage away. I admire your resilience and your adoration for the sacred sanctity of holy matrimony and the structure of the family DYNAMIC . If you forgive him and truly he is sorry he’ll punish his own self internationally every day until death do you part. 2 wrongs don’t make it right it makes it worse! you 2 had something extraordinarily rare these days! 2 Virgins, that intimate contact bound yall souls into 1! Sex is not only a physical state, but it is also basically a binding contract in the spirit realm. So not only did he invite her soul, into yall sacred union, he also allowed every single soul she has been with to abound with yall forever! So Remind of this fact, you don’t have to go out and do anything further because his actions allowed all of her partners to come into you already. Remind him what the act of sex is at the root! You speak of sin, and the dreaded nature it carries, surely you have a partner who also has similar beliefs, he’ll understand. Many are called but few are chosen, so not every is meant to see things for what they are as a believer. For their minds cannot tread where there is no path for them. Remember we all fall short of God’s wonderful gracious GLORY OK? I know it hurts, like a pain unlike any other, I told my ex I preferred if you’d have put your hands on me in a way to dishonor my glory as your wife, then to have cheated because physical pain is brief and heals quickly. It is the unseen pain that endures forever. I feel your pain and also remember some female figures are mere vessels, of satanic whores.where’s it basically a demon. Blank vessels, no soul, Sent to rob, kill, and destroy! Forgiveness will free you, love covers all sin!
He will do it again. He’s not sorry for doing it. He’s sorry he got caught… you aren’t in love anymore. He ruined it. Leave him
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Remember kids learn what they live. I agree if you cheat on him it would just make things worse. Maybe try counseling and maybe that will help bring out why it happened in the first place.
No matter what you do or try your relationship will never be the same 
He has to be completely honest going forward. He has to understand what he did ruined your trust. He has to be prepared for you to have anxiety over his phone and whereabouts and be okay with you checking. I know that doesn’t sound right for a relationship but within time you will be able to build that trust back if he knows this is how it’s going to be until you do. My ex cheated on me several times when we first got together. He gave me all his passwords and was okay with me questioning everything. This took three years for me to get past. I began to trust him and didn’t check up on him anymore. Unfortunately he ended up cheating on me again five years later. I was with him a total of ten years. I left the second time.
My Hubby cheated right after I had our first son (second child) and bc of our son’s life threatening health issues I completely shut him out physically and emotionally as my focus was solely on trying to save our baby. (Should add: Our son beat his nasty disease and is a HEALTHY almost 12 year old)
It’s not an excuse, cheating never has a good excuse, but I can understand why he looked for that love and support outside the relationship as I was NOT giving it to him.
We took a 2 week break so that he could see what life would’ve been like without his family, then he came home and SLOWLY we worked past it. We have learned that communication and listening without judging or getting angry is what truly got us through the most darkest time of our lives.
So it can be done… we are walking, living proof! But it takes ALOT of work, ALOT of talks, ALOT of time to earn that trust back! If you guys feel your relationship is worth salvaging, do whatever is needed such as counseling or just making time to sit and talk to each other. Mention the minor irritations! As they tend to grow and fester until they become MAJOR issues!
We just celebrated our 15 year anniversary and haven’t had any issues with infidelity since. Now trust and believe there’s been arguments (lord has there been arguments lol) But we give each other the space needed to calm down then we sit and talk about the why it got turned into what it did and how we can try to prevent it for next time.
Sending love, hugs, prayers, and positive vibes to you both! 
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Once a cheater always a cheater
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Therapy. Individual and together. Talk about IN therapy only, not at home and only at appointment. You ask questions anything you want and vise versa. Get it all out in the air and if BOTH want to move on, then move on and leave it behind. Seriously never bring it up again. You BOTH have to want it though. No, just because he did it once doesnt mean he will do it again. Find a therapist that works for you both.
I was in the same situation. Literally I am reading this like I’m reading my own story. It has been more than 10 yrs since I was in your shoes. I’m not as brave to post all of this. But if you want to talk, feel free to message me.
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Speaking from experience with this it will never get out of your head. You will always wonder if it’s happening again
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Unfortunately you don’t. Once cheating happens it’s really best to separate 
It would be most beneficial to leave and on a good note too it’s okay to say “hey this just isn’t fair and working out” she stated if the roles were reversed he’d leave and honestly she should reciprocate. You’re not doing anything noble by staying. Y’all can co parent and still create a living and supportive atmosphere for the kids there’s nothing wrong with being separated. You’re better than stopping to his level for revenge. It’s NOT worth it
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Your marriage will NEVER work if your just staying for your kids. It’ll be doomed to fail. You basically have two choices here. Go to couples counseling and be honest and try to forgive or leave. If your staying because he’s a good father you’ll resent yourself, your life and your kids one day.
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Laura doyle podcasts and books have helped me so much. I hate to say that infidelity happened in my marriage almost 2 years ago and it has been the hardest and darkest times but also it has made us stronger by fixing what caused the issues and helped us work on ourselves and learn to be vulnerable and respectful to each other and communicate
Forgive yourself. You are blaming yourself foe how you feel. Let it go. It is an anchor tied to your heart. Let it go. Accept your feelings as just that…feelings.The reality is now,not the past. Enjoy the present.You are beautiful. One step at a time . Date your husband. Give each other compliments. Build a better marriage. It is not easy. There are bumps and bruises along the way,but you got this. You are strong. You are beautiful.
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An affair is not always about the other person being more attractive than the one at home. Its more a feeling of instant gratification of feeling young again, feeling understood, feeling like there are no worries, and feeling like any experimentation is NEW. Don’t end a marriage because of an affair UNLESS the affair has gone on longer than 6 months. I may get lots of hate responses here but I’ve been on both sides. Affairs don’t last IF the marriage doesn’t give up.
once a cheater always a cheater
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Your kids deserve to be around HEALTHY relationships
Marriage with cheating is far from healthy
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It took me a long time to forgive. But seven years since and I am soooooo glad I didn’t let human imperfection destroy what we built. And it has actually brought us closer together and to God. Message if you want to talk.
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Unfortunately you have to accept that he is a cheater and will most likely do it again. However if you want to stay the best thing I can say that has helped me in my 22 year marriage to a cheater is to pray for God to heal your heart and help you to forgive him. I have stayed all these years and raised our kids. I am willing to talk over messenger if you would like someone to talk to who has been there
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I have to say that I’ve been at this situation but I was the one who cheated. I’ve been married to the same man for 31 years and together 33. In 2016 I did the unthinkable and I cheated. I can say that for me it was I that was feeling unattractive to my husband and I was so confused and a man showed me some attention and I was so happy although I now know it wasn’t happiness it was a false sense of it. If he feels anything like I did the minute I did it I felt horrible. We have two grown kids together and while I did that I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone but my husband. You need to tell him how you feel and I know you said he has been awesome in the last year but you need to let him know how you feel. You need to be brutally honest with him about your feelings since that happened. Good luck and if you need to message me you’re welcome to anytime.
If you stay, you’re just giving him a free pass to do it again. If you’re staying ’for the kids’ It’ll just end up toxic.
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You dont!period…idc how much you or anyone else loves someone si much, or I’ll die without them.sadly ur spouse didn’t love you just as much. Not trying to be hurtful just being honest. Be there tried I only ended up more devastated when it happened again. Good luck
Sometimes it’s one minute at a time you just keep moving forward. There’ll be times that it flares up but you learn to talk through it and keep working towards forgiveness. It’s a long road but it can happen.
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That kind of betrayal is a pain that is difficult to explain unless they’ve felt it too.
As far as the pain being raw and as intense even a year later that’s pretty normal in my experience. Especially when you love your spouse and thought much more highly of them than that. It can be worked through but it’s a long road. That thought of will it happen again is always there.
Good luck!
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For me, I could never fully trust him again. That’s not fair to you or him. Best to move forward.
No one can tell you what to do…but I would think a really good counselor would be the #1 thing to do immediately if you decide to stay.
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