How to save a marriage?

He’s already gone !! I know it hurts more then you ever thought possible but he doesn’t deserve you And you deserve so much more !!!

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Get your self a good lawyer and show your baby’s your a strong independent women who regardless is with daddy or not will make things happen I wish you and your baby’s all the luck in the world trying to make someone love you who has no feelings in the long run will only hurt you your going to be fighting a loosing battle x

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A family is not defined by a marriage contract. Him wanting a divorce doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be present for you and the children, it just means he has fallen out of love. I have seen plenty of divorced couples be amazing coparents and do right by their kids. That’s a family. I pray you can give him a bit of space and he changes his mind and decides to work on things, I would ask this be put on the back burner for awhile until you can recover from delivery.

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Sounds like he isn’t even trying to work it out. Not being a talker isn’t really an excuse. He had 10 months to fight the urge with you instead of just suddenly bringing it up. Think about you and your kids and move on :heart:. You don’t want to waste years fighting to fix something that’s already broken :frowning:
Sending love :heart:

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Part ways as a couple. You don’t have to force being together to save a family. Kids can thrive off divorced parents. You guys also won’t resent each other, which is worse on you both and the kids. This way you both can still remain friends.

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How devastating and pos he is being right now. Any husband or to be father again has no feelings. This has to be terrible for you to have to go through. Let him go even though it will be very hard

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Pity he didn’t think to tell you before taking his pleasure. Get rid, get a quick divorce and move on. I am sure there will be something better ahead for you. If he doesn’t love you why would you want to put yourself through torture, and don’t worry about the kids they will be fine…

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Felt like this for 10months? But still became intimate and now you are having a second child?? It sounds like his made up his mind and there is no changing in. Take your babies and stay happy no point staying in a loveless marriage.

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If he’s refusing to talk or to consider therapy, then you need to reach out and get your support! You can’t force someone to stay and why would you? Take care of your self momma!

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Work on you, but divorce is the easiest way. Staying together and working it out is hard, but the best path. If God is in your life, depend on him for answers. Dont ask the world who would rather be divorced. The less traveled road is to work on the relationship. Ultimately the choice is yours, not all these people on FB. God bless.

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I’m sorry to read this. Too bad he didn’t tell you that before you got pregnant.

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Personally I would think about your child/children, you can’t save something if 1 half has checked out early. Be the best you and Co parent, and me being the argumentative person I am I would be asking if he really felt that way 10 months ago and if he did why didn’t he bag up?

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You need to think about your kids. When someone says that it means that they have already formed another relationship or they truly have really lost all feelings due to unresolved issues. Don’t force it to work because one will always throw it in the others face about it. What you need to learn is how to coparent. Don’t use the kids even if you are hurt about it. It’s between you and him and not your children. If he does have someone else you need to find it in yourself and realize that this person is going to be part of your children’s lives as well. But you can do this . I went through this and It was hard but I learned.

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In the Bible there iz no divorce, you both will be adulterer, Jesus said make no oath to him your not able to keep. I am truly respectful of your situation. Jesus blessings.

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I would say pack up and move on and then stick him hard with a child support bill!

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If he told you about the problem that he’s having and that he’s been fighting the urge to file divorce it could mean something is holding him back. Find out what that is and try to fix the problem, and it’s normal for guys not to want to talk to therapist. Talking feelings out isn’t a guy thing.

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Feelings are not facts. Dam his hide!! Hell I’ve been married 30 years. Most days I want to bury him in the compost bin. We just DON’T act on this. Feelings change. Love is not a feeling. Love is taking care of each other EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT. Sigh.
I am so sorry you are going through this especially pregnant.
Your husband needs to GROW UP!!
You will be fine. I hope you have someone, somewhere to go. You need peace right now, not this trauma.
I’ve been where you are. God I wouldn’t wish your pain on anyone. Take care of you. This has nothing to do with you. Your husband is a child. Sigh

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Let him go. If he is already checked out there is probably not much chance he will be in it for the long haul.

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Let him go, but do your best to remain friendly. Co-parenting together is crucial for your children. Take care of yourself and focus on your babies.

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It takes two to make a marriage - good, bad, or ugly. If one has checked out, it’s over.

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Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.

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Ignore him.be happy an blessed with your kids.tell him he can leave you’ll make it.he will sooner or later realize what he has lost. He will beg for you back.you hold to your principal’s. If he doesn’t his loss.

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Just think of what’s best for you and your kids. Don’t try to force something that isn’t there anymore. If he wants to still be apart of the kids life, that’s great, if not and he’s slacking take him to court for child support

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Work out co-parenting agreement, child support and maintenance … and get an attorney you can not make anyone stay

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Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do. If it’s been 10 months he’s felt this way and won’t consider counseling he’s done. I hate to say this but it’s a possibility he’s already moved on.

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Been there. Let him go peacefully so that you can continue a decent relationship for the sake of your kids. :disappointed_relieved: You’ll find you will never be happy again if he stays. Put yourself first and good things will come!

Hold your head high and maintain your dignity, he was feeling like this before you fell pregnant again but said nothing!! That speaks volumes about his character…his mind is already made up x

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I am so sorry this should not be happening to you, you don’t deserve this. Now you have some decisions to make. These can only be for you since he obviously has only been thinking about himself. Then decide what you’re going to do even if he needs to keep the kids for a short time while you settle in to your new life (I bet this put a dent in his single plans) if your strong enough. Start making a new life for yourself and your babies that will have a strong foundation even if he has to play a bigger role than he planned.

Unfortunately there’s not really much you can do. You can’t force him to have feelings or manipulate him in staying. Let him go & focus on yourself & your children…you all will be much happier in the long term this way.

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You and your babies deserve to be loved and cared about. If he has lost feelings then I would pull up my big girl panties and worry about me and mine first and foremost. Hire a good divorce attorney and make sure you are ok in the end. It’s a tough pill to swallow knowing ur going to be a single mom. But being single and a happy mommy is better than a married miserable unhappy mommy. Take care and good luck​:pray::pray:

Feelings naturally subside…

Remember how you started.

This will take you back to elation of falling in love stage.

Also, women remember to let your husband be involve in raising and nurturing your kids. They do not want to be left behind… and wonder why they are in that relationship.

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Pregnancy & fear of taking responsibility for one more family member sometimes sends a man in the other direction. But having him experience the actual birth with you may help him

Assure him supporting two children and their mother from afar will cost him dearly. Immerse yourself in your children while they are young. He can stay or go. It’ll cost him.

Sounds like he has another woman. Especially if hes not interested in trying to save the marriage. You cant fight for something when he’s not willing to meet you half way. Id get a lawyer and do for you and your kids. Im so sorry your dealing with this. He sounds like a selfish person

One last ditch option would be both of you reading the love language book? When I read it, it was a huge eye opener and lots of situations in there where the couples thought there was no other way

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Ooooo that’s not good. It’s to easy to give up now days. I’ve been married 30 plus years. It hasn’t been all smooth but it’s not up to you to make him better. My advice is you tell him he will tell the family.

Marriage is a commitment. Beyond the fluctuations of love lies the layers that cement the relationship that we call family. He has chosen to undermine the foundation of your family when you are extremely vulnerable. We women face the ordeal of childbirth. You need support right now. Find it for the sake of your family. Know you are not alone. Reach out.

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You can’t force someone to stay when they don’t want to. Why would you want to try to stay with someone who has clearly expressed they no longer have feelings for you? Know your self worth and just take care of you, your kids and split as amicably as possible for the kid’s sake.

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Feel so bad for you. You will have two beautiful children to care for. He doesnt deserve you. Let him go. You will find the strength to keep going and make a good life for you and your babies.

Our feelings cannot be a basis for breaking up a family. We can control what we feel by how we think. Our thoughts create our feelings! As him to try being grateful for a month, to push away every negative thought about you or his marriage and see what happens. I assure you: his feelings will change.

She’s 9 months pregnant and has been feeling this way for 10 month? He had enough feelings to get you pregnant. Let him go now, he’ll only resent you. I hope he’ll still be around for the children. Let him see them and it’ll be easier for you in the future.

He couldn’t wait until after the baby is born. Value yourself. You deserve better.

If he had reservations 10 most ago he. Should have not got you pregnant, and talked to you. Take it from someone who has been there:. Get a lawyer while
you can still. get to the bank account. . Chances he has already cut you off. Do not beg him
.Tell him to leave.There is not a divorce that is friendly. Get allamony and child support. Think of yourself and your kids. Your husband is already thinking of himself…good luck.

He will regret this one day, and by then you would have found your worth and moved on! He isn’t worth the heart ache, torture he is putting you through!

Let him go. He’s not worth the work. You and your children will be fine. One good parent is better than 2 parents pretending. Remember kids are always watching.

He needs therapy regardless if he wants to save the marriage that’s not good what’s he’s feeling especially now

What lousy timing. Shame on him–Ask him to at least let u birth and have 6 months to heal and mother this infant. In the meantime make sure u get a good lawyer to step in and handle things for you ( a woman lawyer)–You will be doing nearly all the raising of the kids so u should get full custody with visitation for him, the house, a vehicle and half of all money in the bank and in any special funds. Counsiling for both of you especially if co-parenting.

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It’s sad that he decided to tell you at this time Just concentrate on your new baby and other child right now !!! When you have given birth then look at the situation Is he really worth holding on to. ? Remember you are young strong can get through this Your little ones are not So look after the three of you and let him get on with it To do this to you right now shows no love for you or his children get Rid !!!Good luck Darling stay strong you will come on top in the end and will have so much love from your children xxxx

Ugh, that’s so tough. But you definitely can’t force love. I know it’s easier said than done, especially after 8 years and having a child together, but I would say to work through the divorce and find the one you were truly meant to be with. Whatever happens, I wish you the best! :heart:

Just let him go. It’s sad but your better than what he has to offer you. I pray you have a safe delivery. Take care of yourself and your babies.

Sit him down and tell him how much it is going to cost him over the next 18 years, considering you will get the house and a third of his wage for childcare. Ask him if his new girlfriend is prepared to subsidise him.

He’s had these feelings for ten months, and for the last ten months you’ve been growing his child. So when you’re at your due date, and highest levels of hormones (except for post partum) he says he wants a divorce? So divorce him and take your kids. I promise there’s better men out there who will love those kids more.

Keep taking care of you and your children. He is likely sucking your emotions dry. Don’t let him. You may love him, but don’t let that keep you from being your best you! The grass is never greener on the other side, it’s simply an illusion

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Will you ever feel good enough for him? If he says he doesn’t have those feelings why would you try forcing him to? Although the timing on his part is pretty shitty. Maybe he could have discussed it with you before getting you pregnant?

First if all what a selfish man delivering a baby is very emotional already he could have waited and let you have that experience without the head trauma :broken_heart: I’m sorry I wouldn’t have him in the delivery room bring a close friend or sister.

So sorry He needs to grow up and face his responsibilities you have one child and another on the way too easy to give up and walk away these days

Sometimes mother’s aren’t the better parent. Soooo many people on here saying to get a lawyer and take the kids.

How about they co-parent and actually do right by the kids.

No point staying in an unhappy relationship. You’ll be better off even though it’s scary now.

You have probably heard all the dump him and make a life for you and your kids you can stand. But 10 months ago he started planning to leave you, but was still taking you to bed. I would strongly suggest that you not let him anywhere near you anymore. He certainly wants his sex, but not a commitment. Good luck.

I have a feeling there’s someone else in the picture .

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Absence makes a heart miss someone . Give him his freedom but dont hold your breath move on and maybe he will miss you maybe not but fighting wont help .good luck .

Be careful he might maneuver the custody where you will be paying child support while he has custody of one of the children.

Make him leave, get a divorce and become better than you are now, keep your head up you didn’t do anything wrong, now act like you and your children are the only ones on earth, forget him. concentrate on being strong and loving for your children.

Wow. Ten months ago he started feeling this way, and nine months later he tells you he has felt this way before you found out you were pregnant.
Here’s a tip and a trick… find an attorney now. This is going to be awful. There may be another person in his life, possibly several, since the beginning of your marriage. There is no fixing this.
I hope you have friends and family to help you.

A lot of good points in what has been said so I’m going to go a different route, think back to what things used to be like and see if you can recapture some of that magic, maybe there are things you once did that no longer do? Well then if that don’t work that its just not meant to be and it will be better in the long term to be a part and hopefully ye can have a better relationship apart and all will be well with the kids.

With all due respect he honestly should of said something before he got you pregnant. You cant force him to stay but it sounds like youre much better off without him.

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It’s unfair that he’s just told you a couple day’s before you have your second baby. I think once you lost feelings, I don’t think it will come back. You don’t want to force that love because it’s not fair on either of you. You want someone to love you for the way you are without any force. You deserve to be whisked off your feet. Don’t rush a divorce though as you are gonna be so busy very soon xx

If he’s done for 10 months how are you doing to have his kid. He is done fighting is bad for your babes

Pregnancy is 9 months, apparently he didnt care for divorce at that conception!

And he says this after 2 babies later :disappointed:
We as women put our bodies through hell & have to be strong the same time :disappointed:
Get through having this baby & in the meantime find the best attorney you can find on his dime !

Does he struggle with mental illness, depression? Not enough info to make suggestions. Please talk to someone to get through this.

Just get a lawyer. Itll be better for everyone in the long run if you do this now rather than force a relationship that’s just not there.

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Don’t beg him to stay, in the long run it will not work. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now. Even though his timing is a bit off and he is being very selfish, it sounds as if he is wanting out! As a Woman you are more than enough, it may be rough for a while, but you will come out of this much stronger & wiser.

Find out why he thinks it’s not working. Just have honest conversation session with him he owes you this. You need closure. There after make an informed decision to move forward. If it’s something you can fix ask him to give you and him a chance for 6 more months then both of you honestly work towards it. In that time insist on date nights do the things that u used to to make you so in love with each other. It could just be that you too focused on your 3year old and he feels neglected and now there is another one coming and he feels like he is not even going to be noticed by you at all. It could be simple. Try to fix it if it cant move on for your sanity. Divorce is messy and ugly and very expensive.

Unfortunately, it takes two to make it work, there is no way a marriage can succeed if only one person is the effort…pray for him, work on yourself

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Not worth saving marriage to a guy who tells his wife right before having their child that he lost feelings for her and wants a divorce, take the kids and start new life don’t waste another second on this guy

Men only assist when in the mood. It’s always been U and the dependents. Carry on you will do it.

He’s cheating or wants out of the responsibility of caring for kids. Or both.

I have no respect for s man that can walk out on his family because he’s lost what a selfish little man

Nine months ago he wasn’t thinking or feeling divorce was he? Why would you want someone that doesn’t want you? Get a lawyer NOW…

Men who don’t honor commitments are not really men, they are boys playing being men. Get a lawyer and get your support. If he doesn’t comply then have him arrested. His choice to build a family now he needs to support his commitment to you.

It depends on what his reasons are for leaving or for why he lost feelings more so. Sometimes it’s as easy as needing to spice up the relationship, or to change some ways you interact or do things. But if there’s not really a way or reason for it and he’s losing feelings then honestly divorce is probably the best option, it’s better for both of you mentally and it’s better for the kids

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Do what ever you have to do to protect your self and your children. Get a good a Lawyer and do your best to move on. Don’t waste your time on this person.

Move on… Why TRY to hold onto SOMEONE that Doesn’t won’t you. Respect yourself.

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Sounds like he has met someone else. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this while trying to bring your baby into the world. Tell him to stay long enough for you to get back on your feet after you’ve given birth and you’ll gladly let him walk away. Make sure you hire a lawyer and get everything that’s yours. I’m a firm believer in whoever leaves, does so empty handed. I divorced the same man twice, first time he left and he got nothing, second time I left and i left him everything. Oh and I’m not talking about kids they are not property to be fought over.

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Not worth putting time into someone who won’t give back. You can’t force it unfortunately. Walk away now and you will be happier in the long run

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Let him go you might have a chance to get back together and work things out but I’m sure you don’t want to waste any more years with someone that’s not invested in you and your kids.

Was thinking about it for over 10 months… so thought getting you pregnant with another child would help? Yeah ok. Maybe he should have started keeping it in his pants if he was having doubts about his feelings for you. Not get you knocked up again.

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I would say there has been extremely high stress in the world, and adding a 3 year old child to that is even more of task for one or both parents.
Start with this video and keep searching his lectures on marriage until you
Hear something that resonates with you both. Then offer to talk about what you’ve taken in, and use it as a means of communicating clearly. Trying to be respectful of one another’s need to be heard, and try to remain in a place free of offense. Often times communication breakdown and feelings of lack of respect for the men and lack of being loved for the women are the common cause of these issues. Jordan Peterson’s and Emerson eggriches lectures have helped my relationship tremendously

You tried to communicate and have the desire to fix it, but he obviously has no skills at talking and does not wish to resolve whatever drove his love out of the relationship. I would just cut your losses before you end up hurting worse. If he can’t talk about it or has no wish to work it out and get back to that good place y’all were in 10 months ago then you really don’t need a partner like that in your life and neither do your kids. A relationship should be a safe place and an open book, not emotionally reserved and no discussion. He really should see someone be it with you or just for himself, because he will never have a healthy relationship if he doesn’t learn to speak up and talk to his other half. You deserve more from a man and deserve to be with someone who let’s you in and wants to make it work through sunny and rainy days.

I agree with Stepanie Robinson if he cant talk to u about it then he never cared at all or he just want to be free.

Look after you. Do you have support for the birth of your baby on Thursday? He’s gone and good riddance, you and your children are the priority now.

Hun if he’s not willing to go to therapy there’s no point. He doesn’t want to save the marriage. He wants.out. get a damn good lawyer

All y’all are saying “get a lawyer, get a lawyer!” Smdh how about you encourage them to work it out as adults instead just going straight to the courts… Smdh…

He has brought his feelings to your attention. Focus on yourself and your kids. No this doesn’t mean that he is cheating already. Sometimes humans just lose that attraction towards one another and he loves you because he told you and he was trying to make it work but a person knows when they can’t do it anymore. I don’t think he’s a jerk. He’s just human and it happens sometimes. This isn’t your fault!!! Give him what he wants and you two take care of your kids. You don’t have to be married to keep your kids happy! I understand you love him but if he isn’t happy, it’s just going to destroy him and it’s definitely going to eventually destroy you.

It sounds like he’s done. Let him go. ‘Saving’ the marriage would be trying to force him/guilt him into staying. That never works.

Something else has replaced his love for you. When he crashes it will be hard on him when he sees what he’s caused.

Wow that is terrible, sadly unless he decides he is going to be in love just like he decided not to be in love you can not force him. But you can see how Wonderful you are, how You are going to Overcome this and be the Best Mama to those babies so they can see THAT THIS IS HOW YOU OVERCOME & KICK ASS ALONG THE WAY! Hugs

Maybe he is not wanting to go through the new baby stages again sometimes men feel very left out and miserable regarding these times .
Ask him if it’s this or ask him point blank ,what is his worry. Does he still love you or has he reached the what’s called 7 year itch of being tied down, all men go through this stage of what have I got, and where have I been ,and where am I going, and not getting any younger. It’s such a shame to end your relationship without resolving all these issues. It’s not a good time now and he should have waited until after your baby birth :cry: Feel so very sad for you but you will have to remain strong like most of the comments on here state . Take care .

Not gunna work, he doesn’t want it anymore. Resentment and revenge intentions won’t help in divorce proceedings.

Shame it happened so near the birth of a child. Would you want to stay in a marriage where feelings respect and love are not reciprocated? You have tried so cut your loss and move on.