Can you do an activity with both of them. Sit at the table and color with, play with play doh, look up fine motor activities. Baby can sit in the highchair and snack or give the baby small toys . Sounds like he needs your attention. We always do queit time in our house. If the baby is napping. The toddler has "rest " he can choose one stuffed animal but he must lay on the couch with lights off for 1 hour. Most of the time he would end up falling asleep. Which meant break for me , and we had a better evening with dinner and bedtime routine . Also let him make some small decisions. He wants to feel big . Good luck momma hang in there .
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I just want to start off by saying that if youāre constantly questioning yourself abocut being a good mom then more than likely you are. Next to answer your question about the four yr old, he is acting out because your time that was all his before the second sibling came along is now split and it isnāt and even split because babies require more hands on than your toddler. So when you are tending to the 10 month old he will act out because he knows you will yell instead of a time out or whatever you did before the 10 month baby was born. Donāt yell. Heās gonna react better if you talk. But tell him what heās doing is wrong. When the tantrum starts walk away. Then go back when stops and repeat what you said. Consistency is key. For the canāt get help with therapy because of lack of babysitter. The is online help that works great. Plus you are going through depression sweetie. Postpartum depression. Itās coming in every word I read. Please research everything on Postpartum depression and find a online support group or counselor. I went through the same as you. Reading your story was like reading my then life out in black and white. I was 17 when I got married and had 2 children one year and 11 days apart my third came around when they were 5 and 6. They gave me the worst problem when I had to tend to the baby. I didnāt get Postpartum depression with my first 2 but I did however with the third. They fought all the time. Their dad didnāt help at all. But thatās a whole different traumatic situation added to the depression. Sorry this is so long but it caught me and I felt you through your words. Just please 
please seek help. Taking small breaks are just gonna make situation worse because of frustration from not getting a long enough break.
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First of all you should know that no mother is perfect.we all have our moments where we are so worn out from being needed that we just canāt take any more. Only thing I can suggest is to come up with some busy activities for your 4 yr old. Put him in PreK. Find a mothers day out program or find a sitter to come to your house once a week so you can take a real break. I have a college student whoās watching my little ones right now all day at my house while I work. She is only Charging me $20 a day per kid and they love her.
Are you angry about other things?? Your man?? Feeling resentful? Bitterā¦ find out and deal. The kid runs off your energyā¦ you bring it on yourselfā¦
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Take him out for a walk or to the park he sounds like heās fed up of being in the house. Thatās an awful thing to say heās getting on your nerves my kids fight and I tell them to stop it doesnāt always work but thatās life
Can you put him in preschool? I would for at least half the day. He could benefit from the socialization.
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I hated yelling at my daughter so Iāve done my best to stop itās difficult when they like to push you haha. But I hold her hands get down to her level and talk to her with a lot of eye contact. I try to keep a steady tone and use her name a lot so she can focus on what Iām saying. I let her know if she doesnāt stop she will have consequences and I explain them to her. I also give her a countdown from 3 before a consequence. Sheās improved a lot and so have I.
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Sounds like u need some time away. If u have anyone who would be willing to watch the kids for a a little while so u can rest and have some peace then go for it. Talk to ur husband about what yall can do to take some of the kids stress off u for a while
What helps me is that I asked my kids what rules would they like me to follow and no yelling was one of themā¦I wrote it down on a poster and I put it where I have to see it everyday and therefore catch myself and correct myself constantlyā¦I also put rules for them. So I said if you guys follow your rules Iāll follow mineā¦
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Maybe a good ol butt whipping or time out for the 4 year old
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I had rage issues as a symptom of PPD. Maybe it might be worth it to have a chat with your doctor.
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Try to step outside when feeling overwhelmed. Four year olds can be stinkers my son was and he calmed down alot! .
I donāt know where you live but right now in my state all therapy appointments are telemedicine. Also there are therapy groups that can come out to your house. Therapy isnāt just for adults. I ended up getting therapy for my child when pregnant because he developed major anger issues.
Honestly if heās being naughty he meant be trying to get attention. Iāve been listening to a program called Positive Parenting Solutions that gives tips and insight into children. Itās been great. I have a four year old as well and a 2 year old and one of the biggest changes weāve made is to give each child one on one time for 10 minutes a day. Maybe when youāre 10 month old takes a nap, you can do a special activity with you son. I definitely recommend the program. Itās pretty inexpensive for the content
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Itās going to be A LOT of work initially but I promise it will help out in the long run!! If you are consistent!! You the time out method from super nanny for the 4 year old!! If he acts up make him sit in a time out chair for 4 minutes (1 min per yrs of age) if he gets out you put him back in time out!! The first time you explain to him on his level why he is going in time out and for how long but keep it short and sweet!! You are going in time out because you hit mommy. You can get up in 4 minutes if you sit here and think about why thatās not nice!! If he gets up during his 4 mins do not talk to him just put him back in time out and restart his time!! Better to put him on a chair where he cant watch tv and never in their rooms or they associate their rooms as being ābadā and wont want to be in there!! Watch a few episodes of Super Nanny and she can give you better tips and explain it better!! Some of your frustration is probably coming from the 10month old!! I get shes just a baby but constantly having to hold her, take care of another child and being pregnant makes it so hard!! PUT HER DOWN!! Put her in a play pen with toys!! If she cries, let her!! If shes cries until she pukes, ok-let her!! You coddling her is hurting her in the long run!! Iām not saying never hold her but to be is ridiculous and most likely causing alot of your frustration and the 4 year olds!! Itās ok for her to cry and after a few times of crying maybe even until she pukes she will see hey Iām ok and mommy isnt going to just pick me up!! She will then become more independent which you both need!! I agree part of the 4 year olds āissuesā is probably resentment towards you and the 10 month old and here is why!! 4 year old wants to play with mommy and you say you cant right now because youāre doing something else (this is not a bad thing-we cant always play) but then he sees 10 month old throw a tantrum and get what she wants and mommy picks her up and takes her with her!! Iām sure you dont ignore her the whole time either so youāre doing what you have to do while baby talking, etc to the 10 month old after just telling the 4 year old go entertain yourself!! He wants moms attention!! Try spending time doing activities with both of them together then put the 10 month old down for a nap and tell the 4 yrs old he has to have quiet time but I would make it for about half the time as the baby!! Then allow him to get up and spend 1 on 1 time with him while baby is still napping!! This gives you a break while theyāre both napping or doing quiet time then the 4 year old personal attention which it seems like hes desperately trying to get!! Good luck Momma you can do this!!
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Therapy for sure is needed. How about journaling. How about never get pregnant again ever.
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Honestly speak to your health visitor maybe they can offer support xxx
Go back to work after baby comes lmao
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Do tella medicine. The ones where you can talk on your phone.
You just need some time off. Completely out of the house at least one day to recover. I do that when I have mental brakedowns. And maybe you are not happy because you just sit at home mom? Think about it.
If you donāt have anyone to help you at least try to meditate at home, ask your husband to look after children and at least have bubble bath.
If I am gone from the house not just 4 years old looking for me but my 14 years old messaging me where I am 
you should feel blessed 
Before this sounds like me blaming you, I was this mom! I conditioned my children to respond when I yelled. You are doing the same. Try reading the book, āThe Angry Parentā. It helped me immensely!
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Remember any attention good or bad is attention received by the child why donāt you try positive reinforcement and give the kiddo some positive and good attention so he doesnāt need to act out to and seek negative attention
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Honestly they both sound spoiled. 
Iām not sure how to help with that because neither of mine were spoiled as babies. Prayers to you.
This is totally something people should think about before having multiple childrenā¦
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Breathe! Seek help! Breathe, and reset. Yelling All the time, can do damage.
This Covid life doesnāt help mattersā¦.
You need to find some heathy ways to deal with your emotions in order to teach your kids how to maintain theirs.
It sounds like your 4 year old is seeking some attention. There are probably a few different things going on, with all of you, but what are you teaching your kids by yelling and being frustrated?
Parenting is alot, but you chose to have these babies.
Do you want them to form memories likeā¦ āall mom does is yellā. Itāll create a hard relationship with each of them.
If your village is small, then find activities to do where other moms might be around. Go for walks, keep your 4 year old on a kid leash during those walks. Use the reward and punishment. Neither of you will change behaviors overnight. Think about how you respond to being yelled at. No one likes to be yelled at!
Breathe, dig deep and give both kids plenty of hugs and activities to do. Use the tv just enough for breaks. Keep a routine, for all of you. Naps, healthy snacks. Many parents have moments but if your yelling all the time, you need to force yourself to find some new strategies.
Google quick tips for parentingā¦ by age.
Hugs! You can do this. *Also, if messes are stressing you, try not to let it! Some parents donāt want their kids to play, and make messes. However, itās part of learning. Painting is fun, just find a space to paint. Making play dough is fun too. Sensory toys, safe for both ages. Make the memories.
By the way, Iām glad your being honest.
(I knew a female who use to yell at her kids so much, I stopped wanting to hang out with her. One of her kids has had some difficulties (stays in trouble as a teen, at school, etc) and I always wonder if its because of the way she use to yell at them. The other left home as soon as he could. I remember Her and I discussing her yelling, but naturally she had gotten defensive. Our friendship didnāt last long after that. I just know about her kids, because we live in the same area. Growing up, I had witnessed some relatives who yelled at their kids all crazy and it never helped. Constant yelling is abusive.)
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Do the 1 2 3 method I started it with my furious five Iām good cop dad is bad cop and well we both are home because self employeed instead of yelling after i already told her what to do multiple times i just say 1 2 3 and if she doesnt do it by 3 I get dad which means she better listen or else she has a chance to change her ways or else its punishment
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Just a heads up that post partum anger is a thing. My mental health has drastically fallen over these past few months and mine didnāt come in until my youngest turned 1. I was getting so frustrated with everything small. I tried my hardest not to shout at the kids tho becauseā¦ they kids? I get to there leavel and explain if something isnāt nice or good. Itās works well. My 3 year old is also being tested for autism tho too so maybe look into a family support worker? Mine done wonders helping with the kids sensory issues and things. I hope you can manage to get the help it sounds you need
Youāll get there. Breath and stay strong mama.
At this point youāre overwhelmed and probably having more bad days than good. Postpartum and then to be pregnant with a 4year old sounds exhausting. Take naps, you NEED THEM. Focus on other methods to get him to listen, talking, making a list of rules. Giving him more attentionā¦you have an infant and having another, while dealing with hormones. Kids can feel negativity and it can cause them to act out more.
Yelling constantly isnāt healthy for you, him, or your pregnancy. Thatās a ton of stress on your body and yelling gets you no where so thereās no point. Maybe try a time out for you both, and then come back to discuss the issue? I have to do a time out sometimes for me and my husband when itās a bad day im crying over food?
Try talking to the four year old deeply and ask how heās feeling, if heās okay, why is he doing this or that, and if yāall can be a team instead of against each other? Make it meaningful like āletās join forces!ā like the movies he probably likes. You canāt always let the husband take care of ur because that shows the child to listen to dad not mom and thatās an awful power struggle. 
I hope the opinions and experiences you receive can be of some aid to you!
K4 or a couple days of day care or head start
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Buy a play pen or play yard to put your 10 month down and know sheās safe it may take a little while be sheāll get used to not being on your hip. Your son maybe acting out for attention. Take him for some Monmy and me time (park) and have a conversation with him.
Give him things to occupy his time. Alone play is great sometimes, but you canāt expect him to constantly play by himself. Plan some crafts? Take them outside often, that always calms my kids down. Maybe some prek workbooks, like the wipeclean kind? He can work on learning letters and such with tracing, my son loves them. I know itās hard, but just try to rememberā¦ He has no one else. You are his safe space, and it goes by so fast, before you know it he will be grown. As for the 10 month old, buy a big playpen and give her toys that challenge her.
4 years old is old enough for pre school, so maybe put him in preschool so you get a break ā¦ my almost 5 year old is the exact same way ā¦ Iām currently almost 33 weeks pregnant my self with my second but going threw the exact same thing ā¦ Iām hoping maybe a baby will help ā¦ but I put him in preschool last year and it helped me tremendously and he goes to kindergarten this year
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Just try to remember heās only 4. One day you will look back and realise heās still basically a baby and maybe your asking too much from him. I know I did.
Look into childcare or we have kinder here in Aus so that you have some free time or a least are able to wind down a bit. Your having a 3rd baby so it may not get easier. Good luck.
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I always warn them once. After that itās a time out. So what if they throw a fit. Let them. The important part is, you donāt give in. I tell mine, their time doesnāt start until theyāre quiet. It works when you stick to your guns and are consistent.
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I used to yell a lot when my older kids were growing up. They finally asked me why and if I was going to stop. I started making a conscience effort to not yell. I have a 5 year old and sometimes yell. I quickly apologize. It will take some work, you can stop though. Make a conscience effort to stop. When you want to yell, talk real quiet instead. You are not failing your kids, you just struggle in an area. Welcome to parenthood.
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Get everyone on a schedule. Itāll help so much when the new baby comes. He needs to play independently, but he also needs time with you. Plan something special for just the two of you while the baby naps. It can be a craft or something as small as making ice cream sundaes for snack. Get on the floor and play with both at the same time. Theyāll get used to playing together more. There are so many fun things to do to enjoy your days together.
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I mean this is in the best way, heās probably bored. Iād find a pre-k program where can do a couple hours a couple days a week. I only paid around 60 another for something like that for my daughter. It will also help him transition to kindergarten.
He is looking for your attention and to him any attention being yelling or loving is ok because at that moment he has your attention. You have to find some time for you and him right now and make it positive. When you have your baby, it might get worse, cause now, not one, but two have your attention. I know itās hard, but you got this! Count to 10 before you yell
Yelling can be a symptom of not being supported.
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cut yourself some slack you have your hands full, then breathe just breathe head start and pre k are just around the corner.
Put the baby down n donāt pick her up, the 4 year old should listen to you, if not ,timeout in the corner. N explain why youāre doing it
This is why I I a job cause i was a yeller or your husband needs to give u me time my husband doesnāt believe in me time
I would suggest reading what you wrote as if someone else posted it and then what would you say? Youāre under a lot of stress clearly and Iām sure you could find someone in the neighborhood who would be glad to babysit. Even I would give you a breaking I could. Put the four year old in preschool. He clearly is looking for some attention. Sound like he needs some mom time. Have your husband watch the 10 month old and take your son on a mommy and me date.
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Keep telling yourself kids cant see around corners until about 25 . so even though they know right from wrong they are learning consequences. Stop yelling you have to realize you are teaching your kids this. Your parents probably yelled a lot. Just try to calm down and realize that you are getting them ready for the next level in life and they will test what they can and cant do. It cool we all go through this.
Follow big little feelings on facebook/instagram
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Momma you need some self careā¦ time either alone (like a massage/spa day, get your hair done, etc) or some time with your friends - CHILD FREE! when weāre running on fumes our fuses can be short and itās hard to be the patient parents we want to be.
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Same boat. I have an 8 year old, six year old and 1 year old. Sometimes I feel like all Iām doing is yelling and theyāre all synced up on the chaos days but then at night I make sure to hug everyone extra tight and give them lots of cuddles and love and extra stories. Momming isnāt easy. Especially for us SAHMs who are always in it, but eventually theyāll all be grown and as long as you havenāt abused them hopefully thereāll be good memories too
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Take a breath. When dad gets home, leave for alittle bit by yourself. Go for a walk, go get a coffee, go sit in your car quietly, so that your actually getting a break. Even if itās a few times a week.
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Breatheā¦they are babiesā¦learning about life and how to live it. The 4 year old is learning independence. Yet perfection is expected from him. Thatās not going to happenā¦relax. Heās still needing guidance from his parents. Your 10 month old most likely needs to spend more time off the hip. Itās not going to be easy. But doable. Walking out of sight isnāt possible. So anytime you see a minute to breathā¦use that minute. Try put a routine in effect. Best off luck to you
I was a stay at home mom to 4 kids. I about lost my sh*t for those whole 2 yearsā¦ but then I went back to work when my youngest was 10 months old, and I still get overwhelmed but itās helped me tremendously being away from them each day. Also, give yourself a break when you feel like youāre taking on too muchā¦ the house and everything inside of it doesnāt have to be perfect just because youāre a stay at home mom.
Iām a yeller- itās a default when Iām stressed, overwhelmed or frustrated. I hate that I do it and then feel like such the jerk after. My kiddo is older and Iāve learned to own my jerkiness by Apologizing after itās happened. Mom life is really hard, you need a little self time each day. I tend to yell more when I feel like Iām the only one doing anything all the time. Praying for you
You arenāt failing your kids. Your kids see you as their superhero but maybe try taking your 4 year old to grandmaās for a bitā¦maybe she can try talk to him. Idk jus try and make him get rewards like stickers if heās been niceā¦or ice cream after dinner once in a whileā¦idk jus try something lol
Learn not to react right away to everything. Walk away and take some deep breaths. Also donāt beat yourself up too much because youāre only human. All you can do is work on not reacting negatively as much and trying to relax. I know itās hard!
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He wants attention. Play with him more or cuddle with him longer read to him.
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Gentleness breeds gentleness , if you want him yelling at you as a teen keep yelling - when you have enough place yourself in time out - he is 4 - he throws tantrums Bevause you are , he learns by example -
when you say no DO NOT EXPLAIN WHY -WHEN you explain why you said no , you give him the power
NO SIMPLY MEANS NO
The most important lesson you will ever learn is that you cannot control another human being -
The second most important lesson is ā you do not have to winā
Mean what you say - say what you mean - STOP trying yo reason with a small child - your job is guidance - you cannot guide him if he sees you as a challenge or someone he can argue with -
Speak gently ā noā
When he throws himself down or begins screaming walk away or take him
By his hand and walk him - carry him to his room and shut the door - each and every time - do not alter - he will try to come out whining - you respond with ā you may come out only if you are not crying ā
If he speaks to you in a yell or scream or cry or whine you say ā I cannot hear you when you scream - say it softer ā
Do not argue with him
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Dam imagine that ā¦ I feel the same way all the time . And I share 50/50 with their dad so when they leave Fridayās im a big ball of guilt. But Iām currently working on myself ā¦ to help adjust that dam anxiety
Have you tried positive praise approach? ā¦ make a sticker chart for the 4yr old and make some doable goals, ie, 5 min of quiet time reading a book = 1 sticker, helping mummy sing to baby = 1 sticker , going to bed at the correct time = 5 stickers NEVER TAKE STICKERS OFF YHE CHART GOR BAD BEHAVIOUR! at end of day or week count the stickers together and allow him a special treat out of a ātreatā or āprizeā bag ā¦ Trust me he will definitely want to earn stickers which in turn helps you out!! You can give him opportunities to earn bonus prizes when your out, just put a random prize in a paper bag in your pocket or bag and allow him to earn it through good behaviourā¦ ALWAYS GIVE POSITIVE PRAISE AND FEEDBACK WHEN HE ACHIEVES SOMETHING! ā¦ you can turn it all around very quickly just by thinking and speaking of the positive ā¦ for him and you! Xxx
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Have you ever figured out what causes children? Start there.
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REREAD YOUR WORDS!
You are the problem momma and need some help. PLEASE remember that a childās brain doesnāt fully mature until they are 15 years oldā¦and in males I believe its 24. You definitely need parenting classes. I took some at a high school when I my daughter was 5-6
My mother had 6 kids all before she was 30 and we are all a year apart. We grew up in a four room house. My father is 89 and still lives there. When I go visit, I cannot believe we all lived in that tiny house, but we did and my parents made it work. We all grew up knowing who the boss was. We all have great manners and respect for each other, our elders, animals and for our earth.
When things get tough, step back and B R E A T H !! 
Had to read your post twice, not once did you mention disciplining your child. Thereās your problem. Put him in timeout! Let him scream if he gets pissed about it too, he will figure it out.
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Sorry honey, but you are the problem,not the children. Pray , then pray some more! Your children will only know what you teach them! I can only urge you to find a church that you love and take your children to church, it was my biggest regret! God will give you all you need, if you will only believe! My prayers are for you!
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When he is acting up ask him if he wants to have a good day or a bad day. Explain what the outcomes could be. Bad day equals no fun, good day equals fun. I found this not only helped my daughter be in control of her moods but helps keep me in check
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Iām sure your hormones has something to do with it. But also when weāre with 24/7 itās easy to get aggravated. When it gets to much for me and I find myself getting short I ask them to go to their room while I make breakfast or lunch. This isnāt easy and we are doing the best we can. Go grocery shopping by yourself on the weekend. Even if itās just 30 min. It can make a world of difference. And if you have to bust out that tablet for you to catch your breath. You got this mama
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Science, not opinion males do NOT hear words in female voice tones, their brains are not wired to hear words from female voices! They do hear a song being sung to them that has no words only.music!!! So your son truly doesnāt hear your request or commands until you tell. Then the yelling causes him to fall apart and misbehave more or break.down. please please please stop yelling at hom please stop speaking to.him while there are distractions!!! To have a male actually hear and comprehend a female voice you mom must first make certain there are no surrounding distractions . The tv, telephone computer running water dog barking cat meowing baby crying you get the idea. Take him and yourself into a quiet space no toys to catch his attention. Bentley get him to look at you in the eyes and clearly state what you would like him to do. Not what you dont want him to do. Do not ask him Why, no.one can answer the WHY question not Albery Einstein. Use a clear tone, no sweetness just a matter of fact tone or teacher tone as i.like to call it. This will take practice but if you.want him to hear what you have to say, ( he must hear you.to save his life in upcoming life situations). And this inability to hear words from a female voice stays with the males until they die unless you can get their full undivided attention, they only hear a song.
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Idk what state youāre in but in Florida we have VPK (Voluntary Pre kindergarten ) which allows parents with children over the age of 3 to go into. At 4 shouldnāt your child be in kindergarten at this point too? Iām just curious because that baby is old enough to go to school and at 4 he needs to be around children his age, gain instruction and discipline. Put him in school. Unless his birthday is late
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Wellā¦ now we know 3 or 4 years between kids is helpful, so one lesson learned. lol
Yelling is for your sanity sometimes. Doesnāt make it ideal, but as long as you apologize, thatās all you can do. Thats a good lesson for him too- when you make a mistake you apologize.
You need more breaks. You need help. You need to call on a friend, or a relative, or a sitter. Even if it makes you cringe. Maybe join your local YWCA (if youāre in the US) they have free & reduced cost childcare, or babysitting services, and you can take a class, or a nap in your car, or whatever. You need more help and probably more sleep. You can look into mindfulness techniques, or meditation, or institute quiet time 2x a day during the 10 month olds naps. Be consistent. Get a tablet or expand screen time if that helps. Take them on a walk every morning to the park and let him exhaust himself out! It sounds like it will actually get better when youāre not pregnant anymore, but dad will need to step up for some nighttime feedings because with 2 little ones, you will really need sleep to function during the day. Good luck!
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Go to work.
Helped me
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Whether the dad works long hours or notā¦youāre going to have to explain to him why it is important he watch the kids at least once a week for an hour or two. Everyone needs time to decompress and have a bit of fun.
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I would start with not having more children if you canāt handle the ones you have. May be harsh but itās the truth. Your 4 yr old probably just needs your time and attention he is still young and your adding in more kids back to back. Maybe get him into a program if you donāt have the ability to deal with him so he can have interaction with other kids his age and you get a break.
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I canāt help with the yelling because I have 3 boys 1 of them is 3 and I keep raising my voice at him as wellā:woman_facepalming:t3: but as for your sanity, go for walk on your own, go into a different room and read or take a bath or watch TV with all the snacks, anything that gets you out of sight and out of mind for the 4 yr old Iām sure heās used to going to you for things because youāre with him 24/7 but let dad take over and get out of sight
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I struggled with this as well. So much. If youāre a person of faith, prayer for sure. Anyone is free to add my page, message me and Iām thrilled to pray with you.
Your child is BOREDā¦
Are you turning on the tv & expecting him to entertain himself because you are pregnant & have a baby to care for??
Your 4 year old CHILD is not the issue ā¦ YOU loaded yourself down with children & you are overwhelmed & now you are taking it our in your child.
Look into preschool 2 days a week. Set a routine where you actually interact with and teach your child things. Sing songs, dance, read books, do puzzles, go to the park, set up playdates, play outside.
Let him help make breakfast and lunch. Let him help set the table, help with dishes, help with laundry, help dust & vacuum.
Stop leaving your child to twist in the wind & start interacting with him. He is a child, not an adult. HE ONLY KNOWS WGAT YOU HAVE TAUGHT HIM. SO TEACH HIM.
Right now you are teaching him how to be an angry mess š¤· Change your attitude and actions & do will he 
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Your eldest needs a few things here;1. Heās craving attention that the baby is getting,let him have an extra hour wity just yiu when Dad gets home to read a book or just snuggle or whatever he is into.2.If this continues he needs structured discipline like timeouts;yes they are exhausting but parenting is HARD.3.The kids will both feed off of your behavior so keep yourself in check;Enjoy the 2 minute break when their Dad walks in the door.Trust me when I say it feels like forever but itās not.Youāll blink & theyāll all be grown.Donāt sweat the small stuff.Once a month/week be consistent and take your eldest out for a ādateā that revolves around HIS likes,etc.
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My 17 month old goes to a church MMO program Tuesday-Thursday from 9-12. Itās only 125 per month. It gives me some great me time even though I work full time from home
Pre School may help. He sounds bored. Head Start is a good program.
āTherapy is not an optionā. Therapy is always an option. But when you are already so negative towards that option, you are just making excuses. You shouldnāt have more kids when you canāt handle the ones you have. Harsh but true. You do not have to hold your 10 month old all the time. The reason she screams is because you have shown her if she does, mommy will pick her back up. If she is not hurt, leave her to cry and scream for a little while. Sheāll be fine. Your 4 year old probably wants your attention. GOOD attention not just yelling at him. If youāre gonna yell, just walk away.
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Let the baby cry it out !Ignore your 4 year old see what happens!Babies are smart o I will keep crying till she picks me up Good luck !
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I agree with comments that your 4 year old is bored. Iām pregnant with my second and my 21 month old is testing my patience too. But when I find myself getting so mad I just want to yell at him Iāll get up and take him on a walk. Or weāll color, go out to the backyard, go for a drive etc. Anything to stimulate him. He usually is better after that. Iām sure your 4 month old will love some nice walks or to sit outside too. We are saving and plan on budgeting out money to send him to daycare part time when the baby comes. I think you should consider that as well.
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You need time for yourself. I have 3 kids ages, 6,4, & 9 mos. itās a struggle every day. Dad works 12hrs 5 days a week and I homeschool our 6 yrs old. Talk to your husband, you need a break from kids, and chores. I always feel better after my off.
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Iāve read this twice now in amazement, you already sound like a monster. Your Ill toward them because you want to be, therefore you are the problem here not your 10 month old and 4 year old. Could you imagine being those children and having the person whose supposed to love them just constantly yelling like they are the problem. Yikes.
Get some parenting classes under you belt and your tubes tied if you canāt do/provide better than that.
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First you are doing a wonderful job simply by asking for help. Second most of these replies are NOT going to help your situation. Please join a gentle parenting group and go from there. They are amazing and non judge mental and will definitely help with this problem and so much more. Good job momma!
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Is it possible you have post partum? Sometimes, itās hard as a mamma. You are doing a good job! We all have our moments. We all have parenting fail moments also! NO ONE, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON is perfect.
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I just have to say, 4yrs or 3.5yrs in between kids is a good amount, I donāt understand why people are calling them āback to backā that would be what I have, my oldest bio is 1.5yrs younger than my bonus, then 1.5yrs after that I had our first son, then 10mths later I had our youngest, thatās āback to backā. However, now I will say that everyone needs a break, no matter how many kids you have or how close they are. My kiddos go to grandma n grandpaās about every other week, sometimes together, sometimes apart. Recently my mom had knee surgery, so itās been about a month n a half since theyāve been over, my children along with myself are all getting tired of each other lol, they need a break from our routine just as much as I do, Iāve noticed Iāve been telling at them more n theyāve been acting worse than normal lately. I hope you find some way to help you guys.
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Im medicated now. I used to have the same problem and the yelling broke my heart because i know it wasnt healthy for them. Im seeing a therapist, and getting help. Iāve changed drastically because of it. The yelling comes from me being overwhelmed and having some shame/guilt that my children arent perfect and are behaving poorly which makes me feel like a bad mom, despite my best efforts. Whenever i feel a bought of the screamies coming on I just remember that the kids are perfect in their own right and its my responsibility to teach them the ways to live life. I take a step back and think " if it wasnt my kid how would i go about correcting this behvaior?" Or āif someone was watching me, how would I do this so i dont look like a lunatic in front of them?ā Or āif this was a fellow employee, how would i handle this if i was the only one that could?ā
Also, I had postpartum depressions, and that had a lot to do with it. Ppd isnt only being sad but can be angry and aggressive too. Getting the right help, learning about why you are doing it, and finding a way to understand what you would like it to look like otherwise and how you can work towards that, are great places to start.
Also, i would say from a cursary assesment, your oldest wants your attention. The best way to fix the behavior is to give them extra positive attention, especially when they are being good. This reenforces the good behaviors, and usually the bad behavior starts to dwindle. Also, he may be bored. You could try activities to let him be creative and get some mental energy out, and outdoor stuff, to get some physical energy out.
It seems daunting at first, if you are a perfectionist. But starting small, doing only what you can handle and not forcing yourself to do more than that helps a great deal. When you start to see the positive changes, it reenforces in yourself the good behaviors and you start to enjoy it more, and then it becomes a healthier happier situation for all.
NO ONE has all the answers, not even all the assholes on here who dog you for your statements, and the life you are making. Just take the good and do with it what you can. And allow the bad to roll off your back, with the knowledge that you will survive each obstacle and be stronger on the other side.
Congratulations on your family, and be proud that you have acknowledged a problem, had the courage to ask for help, and have the willingness to correct your behavior. You are going to be fine, and be a good mom. Dont give up, be kind and gentle with yourself and the kiddos and good luck to you all!
Preschool for 4 yo and a family member/sitter to help with 10 mo once or twice a week so mom can either rest/break or have time for herself, which is vital.
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If u canāt handle the ones u have y u having more. Look into school for the four yr old sometimes they even have it for the 10 month old. Entertain them go to park, sit down and play with them do they take naps. To give u a minute to breathe.
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Iām a yeller. So I feel this on a personal level. My kids are 8, 5, and almost 14 months. I donāt have any advice but youāre not alone. 
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Iām glad Iām not the only one. My 4 year old has drove me nuts the last couple of months while I was out of work on maternity leave.
Get a babysitter and go out for a few hours, even once a weekā¦ itāll help. Iād suggest a part time job but your pregnant so idk if your pregnancy will allow that.
You can get a behavior therapist to come to your house. Also virtual appt with a psychologist for adhd eval. Both of my oldest kids acted like thisāmixed adhd.
Also apologizing is great! You are showing them that everyone should apologize when they are in the wrong no matter who they are!
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Maybe try finding some play groups where you can go meet other moms with kids and they all play together. Gives your kids other kids to play with and kind of gives you a breather. Other moms are great to talk to as well.
I was also a yeller til I got my monsters a tablet. Back then I limited their time, but they have really great educational tablets now and omg, breaks for mommy! I remember losing my mind with both kids constantly attached and fussy to the point even playing with them became stressful, you do need breaks!
But more than anything, Iād recommend you reach out locally, an early school has been suggested and thatās wonderful! Church if youāre religious, they do take the kids during sermon! The park is perfect for a 4 year old to socialize! I know itās so much work just getting them ready and out the door but it may help a bunch.
Also idk if Iāve seen this but time outs in my house are for me just as much them. And my kids know that. I need to breathe, they need to calm down, we separate and give each other time so we donāt do things we will regret. You got this mama! Being frustrated with your kids is normal, finding healthy solutions is key
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Children who miss behave often do this to get attention good or bad. Also your child my have ADHD which mean they need a routine that is the same daily. Take away sweetās and caffeine drinks as well. The baby needs to be put in the floor to play if not wet hungry. If she starts to scream and cry let her. This will break her screaming attacks. Good luck and God bless.
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Ok so you just described me and my life lol I have an 18 month old and 5 yr old tho and b4 she started school if I noticed myself getting frustrated amd wanting to just go off like actually lose my mind lol Iād just pack up the diaper bag get both kids dressed and take their butts to the park or for a ride or walk I learned it helps not all the time but it does also if you have access to a hose let your babies outside to play in the water for a bit or even n the tub throw some towels on the floor to keep the water from messing up the floor donāt feel bad mama I feel you every bit we all have yelled at our kids also i never believed in the cry it out method personally but with my son he is 18 months and if I know he domt need to be fed or changed etc I just put up the baby monitor and baby gate and step outside turn the volume on the monitor down so only you can see him not hear him let him cry no longer than 10 mins if he stops he is ok and just wanted you if he doesnāt stop after 10 minutes then he needs something and canāt tell you good luck mama you got this son is n also breastfed on demand so I have had to learn how to kinda curve his attention and ignore the small cries amd whines if he really needs something he letās me know by the change of his cry I hope this helps
Why canāt the dad keep them while youāre at a therapy session? You need to focus on your mental health or itās going to affect the kids long term!!
Ask your partner for help.
Girl!! Itās OK to feel like this. Youāre not alone! My kids are now 14,11, and 6. I totally know what youāre going through! I donāt really have any advice except, it gets easierš¬ it is a long road and it can feel so hard but I promise one day youāll look back and want to relive it! Hang in there,and you are your babies whole worldā¤
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I feel like something to keep in mind is our kids copy us. So if you yell a lot then your 4 year old is going to do the same thing when heās upset. I was doing the same thing as you for a while I would yell but then I realized my son started doing the same thing. (Heās also 4) Heād scream when he was upset. So now when Iām upset I tell him How Im feeling and now he will tell me how heās feeling (frustrated, mad, sad) one thing you could try is to get on a schedule and have fun activities planned for him to keep his mind busy and have a lot of outside play. I know it can be hard to walk away when you feel mad and for your 10 month old Iād get a baby carrier so you have your hands. Also he could be doing this because he wants more attention. So maybe think about just taking some time to spend one on one time with him.
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