My daughter has a really good friend she is 10 years old. But she stinks and I don’t like letting her in my house. Not even trying to be mean or anything, she just really smells like a dead animal. Not even BO. I really think she doesn’t properly wipe herself after she goes to the bathroom, or wipe herself at all. I am not friends with her mom but I have talked to her a few times. I just don’t know how to properly bring this situation up. help?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to talk to another parent about child hygiene?
Maybe try letting her shower at your house. Help her get her hygiene up. Poor child.
Let her sleep over and show her through your kid about personal hygiene
If she was taught better, she would know better. Poor girl. Its not her fault. Its her parents fault.
Maybe her house smells.
Honestly, she could have a lot going on at home. I’d offer her an ear to confide in me. Ask her if she has the proper items at home and if not, buy them for her. Every child that comes to our house, has their own toothbrush and personal toothpaste here, just in case they forget it.
Maybe have her come over and do a spa day… sometimes smell stems from gut health that needs healing. It’s not like she can probably help it but you’re going to deny her love and help embrace her. If the opportunity comes up sure approach mom but for now she needs someone like you.
I agree with the above comment. Even get both the girls little bags with all things hygiene. Make it fun for them. They can feel as if they’re getting dolled up.
Invite her over for a sleepover and have like a “spa” night and get hygiene baskets for the girls so she doesn’t feel singled out.
My question is
- does your child notice her stench also?
- definitely maybe talk to her about hygiene and see if it is something she seems to understand or not
- I like the idea of maybe having a toothbrush and shower items for her there.
Breaks my heart for those children
Get her the hygiene book series for kids
It sounds like she may be neglected by her parents. Maybe help her with this by letting her shower at your home. This poor child might deal with a lot of negative comments on her smell. When my son was in elementary school, he had a class mate who smelled bad and had lice. This poor girl had two drug addicts for parents and did not only have to deal with neglect at home but with bullying in school. If that could even be the slightest case with this girl you know, encourage your daughter to befriend her and have her come over. Life could be very lonely for her!
Some children aren’t taught how to do these things. It’s not her fault. But I don’t think you should be letting her shower at your house! And definitely don’t tell a 10 year old that she stinks! It’s not your place to do so.
That may mean the home stinks and that the parents aren’t clean either. You do NOT want to bring up hygiene until you know the family situation. I’m a foster parent and this is stuff we see all the time. This may not be a “her” problem but a family issue.
So as a step parent of a girl, her mom never taught her about hygiene and she’s now 13 and I’m helping her get used to good hygiene. Don’t make her feel bad. Help her.
Ever heard " it takes a village" that village is you. Help.
I would try to gently talk to the other mother. My daughter is currently 10 and showers regularly, takes care of herself regularly, I taught her how I’ve seen her do it, and she straight SMELLS all the time. I’m worried she’s gonna start getting bullied at school. We’ve switched deodorants and body washes and her doctor insisted it’s a lot to do with hormones and the fact that she’s coming up on womanhood that can affect it. If I were the other mother in this scenario and I knew a parent was talking like this about my child I would be pissed off. You’ve got no idea what they’re going through or if they’re trying to help her or not which is why you should speak to the mom.
I read these to my kids and it really is a fun way to explain the importance without embarrassment!!!
Maybe send a hygiene bag home with her, and a note!
You could always speak to the teacher with your concerns, they are in a better position to deal with things like this
Sleep over time. Make it all about bubble baths and doing nails etc. make a gift bag for your daughter and her with all the hygiene stuff plus girly stuff. Dollar tree should not be expensive.
Not every child who has hygiene issues are because of neglectful parents. My son who is 12 has both sensory processing disorder which makes it so difficult to get him in the shower and wash his hands even though we force both… As well as deals with encopresis which is a bowel issue which can cause a smell. So you definitely have the right to not want to stinky person in your home but all the comments that are saying her parents or neglectful choose your words wisely you don’t know what’s going on. We’ve bought lume Which is supposed to be this high grade of deodorant and body cream and he still smells.
If it was me I would be looking into the child’s home situation. It’s likely out of her control. Rather than send her away, maybe offer her a warm shower and clean clothes? I’m a mother of three and I’d never send a child out like that!
Pretty common for kids who live in houses who cook meth to smell like cat pee. It’s one of the tell tale signs teachers are supposed to look for.
I would talk to her Mom about it.
I would have her stay the night tell her mom to have her bring a bathing suit cause you are gonna do a spa day. Maybe have them bathe together with suits on then have each separately take a shower, then do nails, feet and hair.
I’d address her mother. Take her home one night and go up to the door and have a chat with her
If they’re in the same school call the nurse lol
I think I’d have some things at your house for her to use. You might see if your daughter notices the smell. If she does then maybe you could plan a girl’s night and get the girls bubble bath or bath bombs, all sorts of fun, clean stuff to do and then do makeup and hair after a thorough bath.
I honestly have experienced this. The child’s parents are special needs… we lived in the same townhouses. I went to shoppers and dropped off toiletries for the entire family at the door. laundry soap. Everything. I even went as far as asking friends/family for clothing donations. They were very appreciative of my gesture. The little girl had just hit puberty age and was walking around in blood stained pants. I couldn’t not do anything. I taught her how to brush her hair. It took me an hour or more to get all of the knots out of her hair. The confidence boost I saw in her after was unreal. She would often knock at my door and ask me for things that she needed after that. This was two years ago and I have since moved and I think about her often.
This post has made me want to reach out to the family just to check in and see if they need anything. Family’s with fixed income and disabilities have a hard time buying groceries let alone toiletries. Be kind of you can
Take them to the beach for a swim!! Maybe buy her a new set of knickers and let her stay the night and give her some nice clean clothes and tell her and your daughter to take showers before bed… I mean, she is still a child. All children develop at different paces, and all children are raised differently. Perhaps she comes from a less fortunate home and that would be enough incentive to be more comforting to the child.
The poor child probably hasnt been shown correctly. Also, its the parents responsibility to teach their child proper hygeine. For Valentines Day, make up a basket of bodywash, shampoo, conditioner, lufa, tooth brush, toothpaste, and deodorant. Put in a cute brush, hair ties etc and a small item of candy. Hopefully MOM will get the picture without causing a huge. issue
you could even provide feminine needs too incase she has started her cycle.
Sometimes bad parenting is why. She may be taking dirty clothes out of the hamper to wear because someone’s not washing clothes.
My friend growing up smelled so awful too- her mom was a big drug head and it was always dirty you couldn’t even go inside the house. I’d look further into it.
if not mention, maybe your daughter can talk to her as a friend
Let school nurse know
Someone said let her bathe at your house. Don’t do that unless she is spending the night! That would be so weird and a red flag if a child went over for a play date and came home saying “so and so’s mommy taught me how to clean my privates!”
May be a sign of mental illness issues
I would talk to the mom and ask her if you could help her talk with her daughter. As a mom of a 10 year old girl, it can be hard to get the to believe you lol… My daughter is going through this stage where she doesn’t seem to care. We are working on it but I wish I had and outside person to back me up cuz I’m mom and of course don’t know anything
One of the 5 boys in our house is the smelly kid. He showers every day, wears deodorant, etc. None of the other kids or my sig other or I have this issue. He just seems to emanate an odor the rest of us don’t. His is more BO though, not dead animal or unwiped butt. We don’t live in poverty or filth and we’re not drug addicts either. So don’t jump to conclusions about poor parenting. Is it likely that it’s a parenting issue in these cases, yes. But I’m just saying that’s not always the case.
Have you talked to your daughter about it ?? This is a sign of abuse. Especially sexual abuse. Maybe you can talk to both of them together?? It could also be a sign that something is physically wrong with her. Try talking to her Mom again. Thanks for caring
Go talk to her parents find out sheeesh
My daughter has a friend who had a little bo and got picked on for it. It killed my daughter, she hates when people get made fun of for things they have no control over. She asked if we could buy her some body wash and deodorant. I didn’t want to make the child feel bad for getting a random gift of hygiene stuff so I told her we’d wait for her birthday. I got a pretty cream colored basket with a pink ribbon, and filled it with body wash, spray, lotion (these 3 things I got the mini sizes so I could get a few different scents), deodorant, pretty scrunchies, face masks, nail polish, emery boards, lip balms, an eye mask (the kind you sleep in) and a bag of microwave popcorn and some chocolate. Wrapped the whole thing up with a few layers of tulle and tied it up with another ribbon. My daughter said she loved it.
Maybe try something like that?
U don’t like letting her in your house I hope your daughter isn’t picking up on this maybe u can give her a change of clothes and let her kno she can shower show her how to use everything and set her up I bet she would want that ask her mom for permission to let her do that and maybe the mom might get the hint …home life might be difficult
Let Someone Trustworthy At The School Know & They Can Maybe Help Her In Some Way
She might have a health problem, so be kind. It sounds like it could be Trimethylaminuria. I could be wrong, but if I’m right, it could make her very insecure
Everybody is not raised the same. Sometime you have to be the role model outside of the house for our non biological children! Bring her to the house pamper her as your own. Fix her up with a “Goodie bag” with the products you use at your own house. Let her know that it’s okay to tell “YOU” when she’s out of certain products for “YOU” to replace. It takes a village, right?
Maybe just talk to the child about it.
I would try to find out if it’s coming from neglect at home . Or maybe it’s a health condition ? But before assuming her house is dirty or her parents don’t take care of her I would find out the story .
Invite her for sleepover. Let her have a long shower and wash her clothes.
Talk to the 10 yr old. Let your dgt show her how to bathe and smell good.
I had a best friend in school that smelt this way. They were bullied relentlessly for it, but was the sweetest person.
I always thought that they just had poor hygiene, until I went over to their house one day. It was literally their whole house that smelt that way. Like dead animal. Their hygiene was perfectly fine, but they were carrying the smell of their house on their clothes to school with them.
It might be a family problem.
Try the school nurse!!! It’s actually part of their job to have these conversations with parents if these things arise so best utilise them if they’re there!!..
Have your daughter make her a gift basket for Valentines day, fill it with soap, body spray, a couple scents, some deodorant, some hair stuff, face masks, stuff like that. Make it like a spa thing but hopefully the kid will use everything for their hygiene.
Talk to the school nurse!
Do you think it’s a financial thing? Maybe they are struggling. I do want to say this…I’m applaud you for raising your child to accept all! There are usually many kids ugly and stay away for kids who have an odor or lack hygiene.
To be honest, I would have her shower at my house, for all those people saying they would be mad if their kid showered at someone else’s, I get what your saying by this but I would rather have my child keep up their hygiene at other’s houses as well. Some kids don’t get to enjoy the level of hygiene that others have. When I was a kid I could only use a small amount of water cause we had well water. When I would go to my aunts house they let me shower for as long as I wanted cause they knew I couldn’t enjoy a bath at home
You may have to put in an anonymous tip. If she smells bad, imagine what her home is like. Some sort of mental illness is involved.
Uhh let’s not do “bath bombs” and showers etc without asking the parent first. kind of weird and over stepping
Get her and your daughter valentines gift from bath and body works and bath bombs from lush!! And I agree with the comment above have a “spa day“ with them both!
Let her overhear conversations w/ your daughter about how important it is to be clean baths, clothes, personal hygiene etc… ask her if she has any questions then ask the friend if she has questions? I fear she’s being neglected at home.
I would confidently speak with the school nurse
I’d make a valentines gift basket-spa themed and also reach out to the nurse or school councilor. I’m a teacher and often times refer kids to the nurse or councilor for hygiene talks and supplies.
Bring the girls to bath and body works…
If she smells like a dead animal all the time then the story dont matter…its neglect at home. Sorry not sorry.
Also, I wanted to add that since you don’t yet know the circumstances at home, maybe bringing it up to a child that they smell bad isn’t a good idea. I’m sure she realizes this and is probably embarrassed. Perhaps her wanting to come to your home is a silent plea for help. It might be a good thing to request a wellness check.
Not to be mean but my daughter has many problems and smells. She does take daily showers. She has a medical condition and tries so hard but still smells. It is embarrassing to her but we have spent lots of money on stuff and doctors. Not much helps and nothing is a cure. Sometimes these kids need love and not try to fix the situation. My daughter has had problems making friends and wanting to be with people. So try just love. I’m sure she knows she smells. If she is a good friend to your daughter then maybe understanding. My daughter started smelling at 3 years old. He was diagnosed with hyperhidrosis which is a condition of smelling especially under arms but my daughter also has in different glands throughout body.
Bath bombs are not good for little girls or women in general. It can cause yeast infections, bacterial infections, and UTI’s
You can make her and your daughter( so she doesn’t feel singled out) a Valentine’s gift basket with hygiene stuff like shampoos, conditioner, body wash, perfumes, and add chocolates and other snacks. Make it look all cute and gift it to her maybe add in in some cute spa things like face mask and finger nail polish. .
If it’s your daughters good friend, I’d definitely get to know the parents esp if she sleeps over. Some parents don’t realize young kids may need deodorant or more follow up on hygiene. Yes talks out loud with her involved are a great idea!!
As the parent of an almost 10 year old I would want to hear it directly. Is it hards news to pass on and would it be embarassing to an extent! Yes! But in the end before jumping to conclusions about the “smelly” childs home life there could be more things along the line of medical issues causing the odor or maybe the parents in the home dont have the resources to wash clothes properly. Buliding a relationship with the child and parent is important. Shutting a 10 year old out of your home when there is an obvious issue is careless. We as parents shouldn’t just be advocates for our own children but even of those around us…invite her for a sleepover and get to know her…
Why has the teacher not helped her children have to be learned about their body needs girls are worse than boys buy something nice bath boms so it’s different I even gave them a bag in school bag with sanitary towels clean pants and leggings to save them getting embarrassed she has got to be told the way people smell and she had wipes in her bag as well talk to your daughter when she is their about being clean ask her if her mom tells her you are being terrible for saying that she is a child u are not being fare your daughter has more sense than you does not mean she is being sexual abused phone her teacher and ask to speak to her don’t turn ur back on her
That’s a tough one. I used to work with someone that always smelled bad. Supervisor spoke to her but she just denied it could be her. Pity the person who sat nearby. I’d talk to the school
Make gift baskets with soap shampoo conditioner bath bombs body spray a candy or treat and also toothpaste and toothbrush make it fun and send it home with her and do the same for your daughter
If she doesn’t have any siblings to help her understand basic hygiene, her parents are probably slacking. Just like some other comments, I’d also recommend making her a gift basket of all shower items/deodorant/tooth/hair brushes, etc for Valentine’s Day!! It’s something that girls usually gift to each other anyways, and it’s a sweet thought especially if her parents won’t buy her those things.
watch the documentary "THE BOY WHO SMELLED LiKE FISH " sometimes there is a genetic component to it and no amount of bathing or perfume or deodorant works .
I would call and ask her mom if it’s ok to take her on a spa day. Show her some love. I would also talk to the school counselor. tell them your concerns. Not all kids are as lucky as your daughter. Be this child’s advocaat
Treat her like youd want your child to be treated if she smelled bad.
I would gently ask her if she wants to take a showers at my house and I would give her clothes to change
Meanwhile I would talk to her mother and ask about it
You have to be really careful and really gentle about things like that…you can help by giving her some hygiene products and love
She will get the point
1st of all get to really know the parents. I would never allow my child to go into someone’s home that I don’t know anything about or invite a child into my home that I know nothing about the parent. Definitely do not have a child taking a shower at your home without a parent’s permission because that could end badly for you.
It may be her home life. Her house may smell like that and she may not have running water even.
also Google Trimethylaminuria ,liver, kidney ,and thyroid problems just to name a few can also cause it . There’s literally a laundry list including certain medications that make and effect body orders change and increase . Early onset puberty also can cause it .
That’s odd. A 10 year old should know how to clean themselves.
Maybe it’s her laundry? Mildew can be awful
If you think the mother may be sensitive to hearing it, you can always call their school counselor.
Id get to know the mom and then talk with her. Like someone else said maybe its mildew in her clothes or something.
Try being a good role model & mother figure. Have girls night where yall wash & style hair, do facials, mani/pedi.
Opt to be a friend & role model maybe she has no one like that in her life. Order pizza or take out, make cookies. Send a note to parents letting them know girls plans for sleepover.
Just the way I would handle things. You may be someone she’ll forever thank.
Naim Shqipe Husiq some children are not taught proper hygiene because their parents are neglectful and couldnt care less
find out when her birthday is, and purchase her “grooming” stuff, like really nice smelling bath and shower gel and such. Not so much a hint, but something to get her interested in washing. Does she ever mention that you or your daughter smell nice? Perhaps that’s a way to feel around a bit about a gift—without embarrassing her.
Many children unfortunately live home lives that are unimaginable. She very well might not be aware of her odor, or know how to properly care for herself. She’s also the age where hormones start to play a roll, and different self care needs are necessary. If I were you I would encourage nightly showering, ASK her what her favorite shampoos, lotions, soaps and deodorants are, if she doesn’t have any, take her on a shopping trip and buy her some. Little efforts like this can be absolute life savers to kids who go without.
Possibly can’t afford heating to dry clothes quick enough before damp sets in
Okay so when I was a kid, my little sister had this best friend, whose brother was in my grade. Well the brother was severely picked on because he was weird and he stunk BAD. So did my sister’s best friend. So my dad would send me to go get my sis because they lived around the corner from my house. I went into the house and it was aweful. Dog feces piled everywhere and even in the kids rooms. Roach infestation. It was the worst. Their dad was physically abusing them. My little sister told me about it. The mom seemed nice but didn’t seem to give a fuck about anything and was hardly ever home. So…you may not know what’s going on behind closed doors. While everyone was picking on that boy, I was the only one that KNEW what he was going through at home. You just never know.
Could you very carefully talk to the little girl? Maybe her Mom has not.
If it’s an ongoing problem maybe a treacherous has already addressed it and it’s 1) a health issue or 2) maybe the child has special needs you don’t know about.
You don’t let her in your house? Shame on you
Call the school social worker or nurse. I’d say have a chat with mom, but you have no idea how that will go, and you don’t need the kids being put in a weird place if it goes badly.
As that child who was always filthy… maybe her mums not taking care of her… mine certainly didn’t! My friends mum took me in and I still let her know now at aged 30 how forever grateful I was.
Maybe get a doll and explain to her about hygiene.
This is sad. I would reach out to parent. How sad.
I knew a girl when I worked in a middle school, her parents never let her use soap. So she would come to school with wet hair but still smell. Her mom was even worse you couldn’t stand next to her. Her mom had mental issues. It starts at home.
ALL OF YOU SOUND RIDICULOUS That girl doesn’t need help with learning how to wipe and whatever. Come on. That wouldn’t be the cause for such an odor. And it wouldn’t be a money thing, people make do in very difficult situations and do whatever they need to - baby wipes, jugs of water, etc. That strong of an odor would come from the home and/or is indicative of neglect. She probably lives in a house of horrors. What you SHOULD do is allow her to come over as much as she possibly can to escape that he’ll, and also report suspected child neglect to your local child protective services. She needs help. She doesn’t need to learn how to wipe. And raising concerns with the parent (who clearly doesn’t give a crap) will just tick them off and have them not let her at your house anymore. Don’t be an asshole. Just help her.