My daughter who is 12 came to me and said she wants to be non binary. So identify as a boy or girl.
Let her pretend as kids usually do. When she gets 18, she can make her own decision. Dont treat her any different as you normally would. If she wants to play school and her be the teacher, you be the child. That’s eventually how we all learn who we are and want to be when we grow up but I would NOT let any child make ANY life changing decisions as a child. I am 43 and still wish I could change things I done yesterday!
The onset of puberty is when many realize they are transgender. Listen to your kid, and be supportive.
I think I would find a pediatric therapist that specializes in sexual identity. I wouldn’t know how to properly navigate that space so I would put her in touch with people who could. If you have friends/family members who live alternative lifestyles, talk to them. Maybe they can answer questions understanding the culture of your family, and maybe they can talk to her/mentor her. If she has more exposure she may be able to determine if that’s what she wants or if it is just a phase.
You need to watch the “I AM JAZZ” series on Discovery+
1 Like
I’d say well you’re a girl but if you want to wear boy clothes that’s fine. But biology is real, and you’re a girl. I’d ask why she felt that way and explain most adults don’t even know what they want to do with their life so she may change her mind A LOT.
My 13 year old daughter told me she isn’t sure if she identifies as a boy or a girl. That has been a major source of her anxiety/depression. We talked and I told her she doesn’t have to decide anything at this point.
I would ask why and keep asking questions until you realize she is influenced by others. Let her get to the answers herself. Offer to do mommy daughter activities. Bring joy as a little girl into her life. She is way too young to make any transgender decisions. She’s your baby your flesh andblood.
I would take them to a therapist that specializes in gender related issues, forcing a child to go through years of puberty in the wrong body can have deadly results!
My sister knew since she was 5 that she was meant to be a girl but we didnt really start the social transition until she was about 15 and will start the body transition when she turns 19
What 12yr old girl REALLY likes being a girl? They are starting to go through puberty, so all the changes in their bodies and they feel funny and different. It’s an awkward time, for all of us!! And they are soon to or all ready did start their periods, and again that is no walk in the park. So at that age and through a lot of my younger teenage years yes I would have rather of been a boy! So, honestly, just be there for her. Talk to her. She most likely is confused.
I’d have her wait till she is OF AGE for any kind of reassignment surgery and see if AFTER shes experienced ANYTHING remotely sexual weather to precede or not
If its an affordable option, you could get them prescribed puberty blockers, which puts a pause on the typical puberty that a person their age would go through. Gives them time to decide if they really want to change their gender, and if they decide they don’t want to later on down the line, they can just come off the puberty blockers and start puberty like normal.
Support and love. Let them dress and act any way they need to. It has been a trend lately so I wouldn’t get into hormones or surgery until they are adults.
Some people live their lives 24 hours a day pretending to be horses. You can be whatever you want in this day and age.
Let them try for say 6 months see if they still feel the same please please please support them (not saying you won’t) in what they want to fon
Let her experiment with it. It may stick or it might be a phase. 12 years old isn’t too young thats when the beginning of puberty is. Just help her and be her rock. There’s a lot of cruel people in this world. I know of someone going through this and they tried to commit suicide because they couldn’t be themselves. You don’t have to jump into surgeries or hormones stuff yet but if she wants to cut her hair and wear different clothes let her. Good luck momma.
What I told my daughter…I respect and support your decision and I will love you no matter what PERIOD. But there’s no need to rush into a big change. Be whoever you feel like…if you wake up and feel more masculine, dress that way and on days that you feel more feminine, you can dress that way. Please please don’t invalidate her feelings and choices because you feel she’s too young to decide. Only she knows how she feels and if she’s sharing that with you and feels like you don’t agree, she will shut down. Be open minded and be honest! If it is something you’re struggling to accept, tell her that but also tell her that you want to be supportive AND thank her for feeling comfortable enough to open up to you about it
I would share with my kiddo about the time in my life when I thought I wanted to be a boy. I would also ask a ton of questions about why my kiddo wants to be the opposite gender. Explain all the possibilities regarding procedures, explain the risks and help to create a pros and cons list and a risks versus rewards list etc. This isn’t a spur of the moment decision. And even though I thought I wanted to be a boy once when I was 4 yrs old. I definitely ddnt really want that, and am a million percent grateful no one took it seriously.
I love that you’re asking advice on how to handle this!
Absolutely not no. With the stigma around lately they think they can do they what they want.
I think people get defensive very quick and say “just buy them there desired genders necessities” I’m a huge supporter to the trans community I have nothing against it. with that said there’s a lot of social media and there’s been a lot of the younger generation going through confusion and basically made it a “trend” to be anything other than there birthed gender. I think the best choice would be to make your child comfortable discussing there feelings with you but yes to also give it a few years to REALLY fully understand what being trans is and the feelings and mindset that comes with it. I would rather a child fully know and be aware of what there feeling then to accidentally claim something because they’ve found it interesting and completely disrespect the community by just hopping in lgbtq cause “ they thought it was cool.” Or “ my friends did it” People fought so hard to be who they are and to finally be accepted. So I would give it more of a talk to see where your child’s head is at and HOW they came to this decision. Cause its not just something to decide all of a sudden, cause these are peoples real lives, not choices.
I have 4 kids, if any of them were to tell me they wanted to be the opposite sex I would tell them that I love them for whoever they want to be but changing sexs as a MINOR CHILD will not even be an option until they are an ADULT!
Wow…some of these responses. I feel bad for some of your children.
7 Likes
I agree with Shalise Forti . Definitely counseling to make sure its not just a phase that could come back and taunt her down the road at some point. Kids n many adults are cruel and mean. I also have a transgender niece thats 14 and honestly some days I dont think she knows what she wants to be.
Sounds like you’re doing just fine. Did she tell you why? It might help with the discussion
My son told me when he was 5 he wanted to be a girl …she is 15 now
I think they should make this decision when they are legally an adult, and have fully gone tbrough puberty, and are aware that it is for a lifetime, and not just keeping up with a fad
Tell them they can dress however they want to and that you love and support them no matter what. This is the time to figure it out and see if it’s what they really want.
When I was that age I dead set wanted to be a boy aswell, I’m 25 now n I’m not a girly girl in fact I hate dresses make up etc, but I have a partner (that’s a male) & a 1 year old son 
it’s probably just a phase, just let her explore, wear boys clothing, hair short & what not that’s what my mum let me do, I had a short boys cut wore boys clothes even underwear 
but now I just wear boys t shirts & jerseys cos I like their style & my hair is now super long I sit on it
i would tell her that God made her a girl and to stop dwelling on it. i mean, when i was younger, 5-16, i really wanted to be a horse…
I told my niece who is 11 that you can’t possibly be sure at 11-12 yrs. old she doesn’t agree but I didn’t know what I wanted at 11-12!
Our children can be whoever they decide to be & if it’s not hurting anyone else I don’t see who it bothers or what they think about our children!!!
My child told me at 10 years old that they’re non-binary, which then changed to transgender. At this age, they’re beginning to realize who they are and sometimes the person they’re meant to be is not expected. I honor my child’s feelings and advocate for them. Could they possibly grow up and realize later on in life that they are cis gender? It wouldn’t be unheard of, but none of us could possibly know. 
Does it hurt you or anyone else to support your child and their feelings? Nope. Will they grow up knowing that their parent loves them unconditionally and will accept them no matter what, should you support them during this difficult time? Hell yeah. Accepting their truth and supporting them while they live it is all that’s required of me as a parent to a transgender youth. Its not as if either of our children will be getting gender affirming surgery any time soon. We’ll be looking for a good counselor soon, which will help with the next steps toward gender affirming solutions. I would suggest reaching out to someone at https://translifeline.org/ they’re very helpful and kind 
It’s such a hard discussion these days because as a parent you want to be the person your children are comfortable talking about this with… But is it a phase? Is it peer pressure because their friends talk about it and feel that way… I have to agree with you in saying I respect your feelings but 12 is too immature to make that call. Their minds and bodies aren’t even close to full maturity to grasp what changing genders actually means to someone. This is coming from a straight woman that has been a tomboy my entire life… There may be certain things or ideas that the opposite sex has that is appealing but not sure how to place it yet.
I would seek counseling first for the child.
Ask her why she feel like she wants to be a boy. If it’s because she likes playing or doing things that are normally associated with boyish interest (playing video games, climbing trees, playing with trucks, dinos, whatever… explain to her that it’s okay to like whatever you like… if it’s fashion explain the history of some fashions (or religious wear) and how they have changed meaning over the years… like heels were originally made for men in power, kilts, priest that wear robes(which are similar to a dress)… overall though just support her and her likes… when I was that age I remember thinking that I should have been a boy because I liked climbing trees, sports, playing football, and hanging with the guys. My daughter went through the same thing too. I told my daughter what I wrote above, about my experience as a child, and how it changed as I grew older. I told her she growing and changing and figuring out who she is right now, and people like putting people in boxes at a young age, and kids like to fit in. I asked her not to put a label on herself until college and get to know who she is. And if she still feels the same way, I would support any decision she makes. I love her no matter how she feels she wants to express yourself.
Let your daughter be whoever she wants. Its not gna change her mind she came out to u and you should embrace it.
And, I think you should take her out of public school if possible.
1 Like
Let her go through it. We need to experience what we want to know if it’s the right thing.
4 Likes
Nope 
sorry but girls are girls and boys are boys no in-between! We encourage kids to be the sex they were born not change them 
1 Like
It’s not your desicion. Support him or push your child away? Your desicion is only to love unconditionally Or not to. Which will you choose? What will you give him in return for his love, trust and truth. struggle or freedom? What will you show him… love or conditions? Goodluck x
Be supportive whether you agree of it or not.
1 Like
Minor changes would be ok in my household. Elective surgery is a different ballgame and not something I would invest in at any point for my child. If that is still something they desire in the future, they may find it in their own way.
don’t put the idea in their heads, most girls I knew growing up hated having boobs, hated the difference in rules n expectations, make sure there r good male and female role models around, lack of one affects kids development And what u tell child can drastically alter their perceptions, just try n be fairer w everyday life n make sure ur not stuck in the 50’s!! THEN ALSO BEWARE, THEIR A LOT IF KIDS THAT WILL TRY N GET ANYTYPE OF ATTENTION, READ ABOUT CHILD DEVELOPMENT N WHAT ALL KIDS GO THROUGH AT VARYING AGES, IT SCARES ME HOW EASY KIDS CAN THINK SOMETHING IS TRUE JUST BC THEIR PARENTS TOLD THEM IT WAS, OR YOUTUBE, OR TV ETC
Every parent of daughters should read Abigail Shrier’s book, Irreparable Damage.
Just be supportive and understanding , look up and do your research to better help you cope and feel more comfortable talking about this with your child
It’s called support your child in any safe decision they want to make.
I’d listen & not think any different of my child. Being at the very start of puberty, soooo many things are changing though, making it all so much more difficult at this time though. There’s so many hormone changes going on at this time for your daughter. I’d always been a tomboy in my life. At one point I thought I’d be better off as a man to be more accepted. Given she is at the start of puberty though, I would want her to wait a few more years as well. Transitioning isn’t just something you can snap your fingers & everything’s there. IF she were to start transitioning this young, I feel there would be soooo many more struggles of all the changes already happening with puberty.
If my child told me that, I would wait until 18 to decide.
***YOUR BRAIN IS STILL GROWING *******
3 Likes
My child came out as bi-sexual at 12. Now, they are non-binary at 14. My child is anatomically a female. I support them and love them no matter what.
I am not for this, but honestly she needs to start taking medication to help transformation. Before she develops breasts. I believe insurance paid before you turn 18
My question is what makes these young ones want to change their gender?
1 Like
Also puberty blockers do not hurt. If after talking to a therapist the ya re still firm. Breast development can be incredibly traumatic as can menses.
its not that She actually wants to be a boy, duh, its the ’ boy things that come exit, don’t limit ur girls activities to girly stuff, it us where saying tomboy comes from
In Africa, we will not cease flogging the girly spirit out off the boy and vice versa and he won’t have that thought
Pray. I agree with your opinion. She might want to change her mind.
4 Likes
It’s obviously an unpopular opinion to teach your children that God made you the way he did for a reason?
There has to be more to the story than what is posted
I’d take her to talk to someone, just to get down to the actual details of it from a medical professional. That’s what I’d do 
3 Likes
1000’s of years this wasn’t an issue. But in the last 20 it’s now a thing., I don’t understand the world today
If she just started her period I completely understand I hate it too
1 Like
As a parent and mom to 3, it’s both my responsibility and my pleasure to raise, guide, and support my children into adulthood. My job isn’t to give-in to their “wants,” but to provide them with their needs (love, shelter, nutrition, fitness/wellness, education, safety, stability, balance, etc). I would be fully accepting of my child if they were gay/lesbian/transgender, whatever. It would not change my love for them AT ALL. If they want to identify as a dinosaur, and run around in a full-blown T-Rex costume all day long, hey- be my guest!
If any of my children “wanted” to be opposite of their gender, then hey- I still love them! They could entrust me to talk about their deepest desires! Without judgement! I would help them the best as I could, to be comfortable in their skin. They wanna cross-dress and run around with pink or blue hair, go right ahead! Be you!
But as a born-again Christian Mom, I would in no way be able to support sex changes via surgeries or hormones to transform into the opposite sex. That would not be an option for my children while in my care. My job is to raise them and educate them, and instill values, morals, and integrity in them before they turn into 18 year-young “adults” and leave home. My job is to equip them with the love that God/Jesus has for them, and to make sure they KNOW THAT GOD CREATED THEM TO BE EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE. They can still have these “feelings” without acting out on them! And aside from what the horrible, judgmental, hypocritical type of “Christians” say, it’s my responsibility to show my children just how much God DOES LOVE THEM!
I would have already equipped them each with a Bible, for referencing the only tools they need to make decisions for their adult life.
When they are adults, they can make whatever choices and changes they see fit to make… of their own free-will. I would still love them, no matter what. But I could never contribute to actually helping them “change” their sex. That’s not my responsibility, my job, or my want.
1 Like
I’d tell my kid that it is just a phase and if it’s not then she can wait till 18 when she has that choice. Till then be a tom boy
11 Likes
Be supportive and listen without judging. Start counseling also
3 Likes
Honestly let her dabble in boy clothes at first. Then hair, slowly ease her into it. If she doesn’t like the clothes, then she might change her mind
8 Likes
Counseling. She’s a girl, she needs to stay that way.
1 Like
Be supportive what your child wants…
Support your child!! That’s it. Period. End of story. Support your child.
2 Likes
Let her living her life just the way she wants about the time her grow up she will know what to do love and support her
Love them and support them no matter what ! Be their support !
U support her and her choice. Maybe she will outgrow it maybe she wont. But either way u support what she feels.
Try to be understanding, open minded, kind. Approach it with love
A child is going to be Que Sera Sera what ever will be will be.
Think what you said is good advice 
I mean what do I know lol but I would of said same thing to my own, big decision
Start with saying ok. And let her explore doing anything her heart desires.
My 7 y/o just told me her name is Tom. I told her she is too young for all that
W support and love. Listen and be respectful rather u agree or not.
My daughter says it cuz she hates her period
I thought i wanted to be a boy at 11. I definitely am a woman and just was a tomboy. I suggest let them express themselves with hair clothes and call them whatever pronouns but stay away from anything permanent until they are 18 and able to legally decide on their own
4 Likes
I think you gave her the right advice 
Let her be who she wants to be don’t stop her from this choice
therapy
all you need to say is “baby, I support you no matter what!”
Love and support him. This world is already hard enough.
Take your child in for mental therapy.
I would hug my child and support them 100%
Try therapy but never ever judge. That’s the most important part. Lots of love and lots of encouraging words and be open about your fears but never use negative terms. Good luck! My son has always been gay since he was a little boy we always knew. He came out but I always made sure he knew I loved him 100% without hesitation and without limits or borders. Love is clean and pure. No room for judgment or rules!
2 Likes
Support her all the way… my son is Trans I supported him all the way
I wouldn’t mind 
just let her dress how she wants.
1 Like
My daughter says the same thing
When I was twelve I was a tomboy and then by the time I was 15 I was Gothic and a girly girl after don’t make any decisions let them decide when they’re grown adult if they want to ruin their life.
2 Likes
Let them experiment. That’s what being a kid is all about
I would accept it and support my child.
Acceptance is suicide prevention.
Definitely look into transgender- friendly resources to help support your child in whatever they need. Way too many transphobic people on this post.
2 Likes
I have a 17 year old transgender son. He came out as trans about 3 years ago and started to socially transition 2 years ago. He now lives and presents solely as male. Please get them into therapy with a gender therapist. Someone who specializes in this field. This will allow your child to process all of their emotions and thoughts and to find out if this is a real thing or not. Most of all…show your child love, compassion and support! Find local groups of other parents of trans children. They are all over the place! Get yourself into therapy as well because you will have a lot to process yourself. And your emotions and feelings are valid and justified. My biggest advice is don’t let your child see your doubts, fears, anger, worry or tears. That’s what the parent groups are for. Let your child see support, love, acceptance. For who THEY are. You can’t imagine the strength it took for them to come to you with this. YOU are their safe place. YOU are their home. And they are coming to you because they trust you. They need your support and love during this confusing time now more than ever.
2 Likes
Has she even hit puberty
Megan Jean donno if your part of this group but you handled this situation with absolute grace and love. Maybe you have some advice for this momma?
See a doc. As they will and have to do a evaluation
I’ll go along with it and support her