I’d just help her
Buy her some boy clothes hey her hair cut etc no meds yet let her explore it
I would start with everything that doesn’t really matter, hair cut, sure, clothes that aren’t “girl colors” down, toys that aren’t “traditionally” girls toys.
Then I would seek out a psychologist, to help them shift and find what is exactly that they are feeling. Cuz as parents most of us don’t know that all the time much less a 12 year old. Then I would support the choices of my child through everything they wanted as long as we could do it all safely and with nothing Invasive. All of those things I will support when You’re an adult.
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Let them be them! 100%
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The mind is not fully developed. People have had regrets.
Love and support your child.
Honestly therapy, let them explore this more with some guidance. Be careful not to dismiss their feelings. If they want to go non binary and use a diff name for awhile, who does it hurt??? Nobody. Maybe they will decide that thats not who they are but they will resent you for sayin “no wait.”
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Please be supportive and just let them explore. Their body their choice
i would give it to the lord and get councelling from a pastor
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I wouldn’t tell her anything other than you support them through whatever they’re feeling. Maybe it is a phase. But what if it isn’t? Get her a counselor and let her sort out what she’s feeling. Big emotions at that anyhow.
Thats way too young as far as I’m concerned to even know this. I agree with you to give her more time to make sure she even knows what she is saying.
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Tell her she watches to much TV
I would say that allowing them to pick out their own clothes, haircut, etc is a safe start. Just to wait until you let them choose to take the hormones and everything else just for them to be sure that’s truly what they still want after a couple years. It allows them to explore and get a feel if that is truly what feels right before diving in all the way.
Join these groups … my child is 14 and came out as non-binary/possibly trans … Parents of Non-Binary Kids, Tweens and Teens
Parents of Transgender Kids
Educating Parents of Non Binary Kids
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Embrace it and love them through this process. They are at the age where you need to be there and be very careful how you handle it. Allow them to make the decisions, ( no medical intervention as of yet as they are a bit to young) saying wait a couple of years might hurt them in the long run. Show so much support, so much love and join some Facebook groups to understand and get real life advice. Ask what you can do as well to make this a happy time.
Good luck mama, you guys must have an amazing relationship!
I would say wait until she’s older and if she still feels that way I will 100% support her in any decisions she will make
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Try therapy!it will help u cope
I would ask “are you saying that you are a boy and something about the body you are in makes you feel uncomfortable, or that you wish you were a boy because there is something you have heard they can do that you want to do”
Id also ask if they wanted to get different clothes or try a different name and pronouns
I’ve known I was bisexual and a cis women since I was super young. I asked my mom at like 6 “mom how do I know if I like girls?” And she brushed it off. Came out at 11 as bisexual and got beaten like a grown man. Your child understands how they feel better than you do realistically. I’d accept it and start on therapy (because either way it’s a long hard road and therapy will help them sort out what they want and the emotions that will come with transitioning) I’d respect their pronouns and if they want to change their name we can use that name for them with out legally changing it just yet. That’s not decision your child came to lightly and it shows a LOT of trust to tell you so PLEASE don’t disregard that trust.
Love strong and love hard. My oldest human (daughter now we a gender neutral so we use human)being texted me. She was about 12 and told me. Mom I don’t like boys. Ok I like girls better. Ok no problem 
so we’ve had a girlfriend for many years. And then gender Neutral came in. She’s just turned 20. Totally fine with herself as a human being. Works full time. Loves her girlfriend and is all about family. Xoxo 
just continue to love your child.
Support the decisions your child wants to make, no matter how hard you may find it, ‘her’ happiness is paramount right now.
If she wants to dress, get hair cuts ect I wouldn’t care. I just would refuse any hormone therapy or anything like that til they’re on their own and can make a more informed decision about their own body. Under 18 is too young imo but to each their own. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone else then let it be.
She’s TWELVE. My niece is 13 and one minute wants to be a boy , next minute wearing makeup & skirts . I mean there isn’t anything to handle when they really don’t even understand…
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My daughter wrote me a note telling me she was transgender , I told her I’d buy her a penis if she wanted one! That’s what unconditional love for your child means. 
I wanted to be a boy when i was 11 right the way up until i was about 15. Children have been given way too many choices & with social media it’s no wonder kids are confused. Be supportive & say once you turn 15/16 & you still feel like this then we’ll talk about it seriously. I’m not saying to not talk about it seriously but she is way too young to know the seriousness of changing gender.
I would suggest strongly that they be allowed to dress and fashion themselves as they see fit yes? But as for things like surgeries or hormone treatments that IMO is best left for when they have got to adult age 18+. I only say to make them wait because so much sexual identity is solidified in teenage yrs and I have seen a few trans children (18 yrs or down) express regret at their choice and go through a lot of struggle with dysmorphia and confidence struggles
I’m just gonna say it…I see the agenda thats out there right now…its an agenda, trend…whatever but its sick. Children should be children and not even be concerned about their sexual preferences. They should just be children.
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Advice: stop lettingh er fill her head with garbage from the media… from the television… from the news and and anything or anyone else who is pushing that gender confusion, evil agenda! I’m so sick of this bull. Gee, I feel like a giraffe today, so I’m gonna try and look like one and identify as one. It’s simple… always has been. If you have a vagina, you’re a girl. If you have a penis, you’re a boy. Doesn’t matter how you FEEL. smh
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I would send her to counseling 1st. Make her wait. I feel like this she can be when kids start to get into being curious who they are. Then after a couple of yrs if they still want to support them. By letting them dress different.
I told my children that the universe doesn’t make mistakes. One of the things that we’re supposed to do in this life is learn to love ourselves for who we are. But people call me a bigot so I could be wrong.
Let them experiment, at 12 they are figuring out who they are, so just be supportive and if in fact as they grow up and still feel this way, just love them….
I would let them do as they wish but not medically till 18 or older. Hair clothes whatever just not take the medical step til an adult
I’d try to be supportive
But realistically gender is gender
Guys can’t have babies
And girls don’t have a penis ….
I’m completely excepting &
Open to gay …bisexual
But this is where I truly go
Yeah no …. You are who are ….
It’s that simple
I truly don’t care what ppl think
This is being pushed so hard right now for some odd weird reason…. In schools …. It’s not ok …
The Public school system pushes this 110% ,my daughter is gay and I PROUDLY support and love her and her girlfriend but at 12 yrs old their hormones are going crazy anyhow and brain development and emotional growth and understanding . I would listen amd try to be objective and come up with reasonable steps on both sides . I would ultimately push for later age 16 to 18 even .
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I wanted to be a boy at 12, come to find out I just needed to hit puberty to realize I didn’t want to be a boy….
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That was great advice… Kids are too confused w hormones at her age.
Im not gonna say shes too young rn to decide. However I will say it could. Be hormones, it could be a phase, or it can be genuine. Dont push her to decide. Just support her and she will figure it out on her own with how she feels about herself. PreTeen-Teenage years are hard . good luck momma
Talk to her, be open about everything, listen to and hear her and how and why she feels this way, then go see a professional. At 12yrs old none of us really knew what we wanted, hormones were going crazy and most girls have started their monthly cycles/period by then and boys don’t have to deal with that and other experiences like girls fo, so this could be part of it too. But don’t just jump on that wagon and be all for it before she’s actually had the chance to be educated on the whole transition. But most of all be open and supportive.
It’s the school system and the influences
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Find an lqbtq+ friendly therapist, take him shopping, let him get his hair how he wants. Spend the day with him and make him feel like he is just as loved and your child. I myself am part of the LQBTQ+ community and have many close friends that are transgender. Support and love are the two most important things. You may not understand, but it’s not your body to figure out. As a parent, continue loving him as he figures out himself. Therapy is also huge! Good luck mama, it says a lot about you as a parent that your child was comfortable enough coming to you. 
My 12 year old told me when she was 9 she wanted to be a boy. I tell her everyday she can be whatever she wants. I’m never going to stop loving her.
That’s exactly how I would put it to my daughter too 
Honestly I don’t support it, its been pushed so hard on everyone and now its almost becoming trendy for kids to be trans or non binary. When my kids are 18 they can do or be what they want but I’m not playing along.
Try The kitchen Witch page theres so much info support resources
My son (born female) was 12 when he said the same. Is now 15 and happy as a boy. Be as supportive as you can and let them work it out for themselves
So much good advice here in the comments!!
Also to fellow commentators please stop misgendering this person. They/them covers anyone and everyone. We can still be respectful, practice using non binary pronouns all while giving advice!!
I have just gone through this with my 12 year old daughter I told her that I support her, we went shopping and picked some " boy " shorts and tshirts that she likes and she wants to get her hair shaved I told her to think about her hair for a few days and if she still wants to we will get it done
Hair grows back and I can always buy new clothes if she changes her mind
She knows that if she wants surgery she has to wait until 18 which will give her time to change her mind if it is a phase
All you can do is support her and let her know you love her no matter what
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Let them take the wheel on that. Don’t suggest things or give them options. Unless it’s dangerous, just say okay and support them!
Oh boy! I don’t know. I can’t even imagine myself in that situation.
Raise them in a Bible believing Church. Teach them to trust in the Lord and you won’t have that problem.
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I say be whoever and whatever you want for the hour, day, week, month or forever.
That’s a confusing age… poor kid 
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Did you ask her why?
Just love and support them so they know they are STILL loved no matter what
Set up counseling, like asap. Hopefully it is just a phase
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Id ok for dress but not medically. As medical changes cant be reversed.
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I would support her (him) the best I could. I want my child to be happy with who they are.
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Just let her try things for those couple years. If she hasn’t changed her mind by then, let her be a boy🤷🏽♀️
I would show my kid a pic of the anatomy and be like look this what u got so this what u are…
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Let her change the way she dresses, let her cut her hair. She’s 12, it very may well be a phase. PLEASE DO NOT LET HER TAKE ANY HORMONE CHANGING MEDICINE.
Just hear them out and keep loving them.
“Lovely Halloween costume idea ,honey…I’m sure your friends at school will love it.” 
You’re not wrong
AT ALL
Just let em do their thing. Support her.
My almost 13 year old daughter states that she is bisexual. While I know she is young, she is very mature and I just embrace her for who she is no matter what. I’ve had the, you’re young, things may change, they may not. But I won’t hinder it or push it. She wanted her hair short. She has a nose ring. Wears basketball shorts and t-shirts. And is one of the most amazing kids you’d ever meet.
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Tell them you will always love them for whomever they are but not be so quick to put a label on it…my daughter broke me she was gay at 11 then bi, then trans then non-binary and my exact words were we will always love whoever she is but when it come to intimacy, that needs to be decided further down the line so she can figure some stuff out .middle school wants to claim her identity and she needs to understand the only thing we expect of her is to be a decent person, take care of her responsibilities fold her laundry and dont do meth…
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My child is transgender. When she told me at 14, I asked her to wait til her hormones leveled out before she put a label on herself just because your hormones are all over the place at that age. At 17 she still felt the same. I would suggest this page. They have lots of support and offer resources to help you navigate.
I would allow her to live how she feels. My daughter knows I accept her as is, unconditional, no restrictions.
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I feel like the medical changes and thing should wait till older but other than that she should be able to wear what ever she wants and go by what she wants
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She is 12. She is exploring. But she is still a she.
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I figured out I liked both genders by the time I was 8 and I have not stopped. I’d sit down and have good talk with your daughter, see exactly where she’s at with it and how she feels about being a girl. If I were in that position, i would feel a little defeated being told i have to wait to make that decision. And it’s not really a decision… it’s a feeling and ALL FEELINGS ARE VALID.
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As harmless as you feel your response was it probably crushed them.
They were brave enough to tell you, you need to listen!!
My daughter’s brother (from her dads side) was born a female, but he identifies as a boy. He has dressed like a boy and had short hair since he was 3. He’s almost 15.
His mom, his family and my family accept him 100%.
Unfortunately his father (my daughters dad also) does not accept/support him and his decision. He actually blames it on my daughter because she’s gay!!!
MORAL OF THE STORY:
offer support and unconditional love. Talk often. Check in on their feelings. Let them know you love them regardless!
Because them telling you and you telling them to wait could be very detrimental to them opening up to you in the future.
Hit up some support groups and learn learn learn.
Allowing them to identify how they choose does no harm just don’t allow any permanent changes such as surgery or hormones until they’re grown that’s how I wish I was brought up but instead I was stifled and it bred resentment to be honest
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Please get her into talk therapy right away!! Also have her get a complete physical and have her hormone levels checked. IMO children are being taught too early about transgender people. I’m truly not trying to offend anyone or appear as being insensitive, but 12 years old is much too young to make such an enormous and life changing decision.
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The best thing to do is support them. Don’t be mean. Since they are young, I wouldn’t allow any kind of surgery but if they want to cut their hair and wear different clothes to make them feel more like THEM, then go for it.
Have you asked her, if she’ll wait a couple years?
If it were my child I’d let her express herself as a boy. Hair clothes ect, just no to hormone replacement or surgeries till old enough to make body altering choices, but still elaborate what consent is and that she/he should wait till they’re older to actually explore $exually.
I admin my states lgbtq group. We have family members ask us questions for insight. And my local therapists office also offers lgbtq therapy individually and group therapy.
Perhaps find some local resources to get educated on how to help her/him.
I wish I could have been “me” at 9, but didn’t come out pansexual till 17.
I’m much happier now.
And my kids also know and don’t love me any less.
If they were to come out as anything other than what they were born as I’d support them, whether it be short lived or long lived.
Best wishes to you.
I’d support their decision, but I would make it very clear life altering decisions need to made after 18. (Hormone blockers and surgery type stuff) just because I don’t want them to later regret the decision. Not saying they will, it’s just a risk I’m not willing take with my kids life.
Sexuality I will let them express however. So long as they’re safe. As a pansexual, be a bit hypocritical to be like hah nah not today.
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She opened up to you. She trusts you. All she needs is understanding and let her find her way. Whatever that way is, support her.
Oh man…my daughter, 13, has done the exact same thing!
Inside, I’m torn and struggling a bit…but I’m doing all I can to be supportive and ofcourse leave her free to do with her body anything she likes…it IS her body after all!
But I have to be honest and say I do think its somewhat of a “phase” given the spotlight being on these issues lately etc…and thats fine too!
Its soooo confusing being a teenager! I just wish they’d all stop being in such a hurry to grow up
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By telling them to wait it out is harmful. Let then lead the conversation.
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My 11 yr old son for 5 yrs from age 2 to 7 told me he was a girl trapped in a boys body. Listen to your child, also look into a psych dr that deals with transgenders get her the proper help. Im all for someone that is transgender, they’re people that have feelings and deserve to be who they truly are
She doesn’t have to have the surgery or anything but you could get her hair cut like one and get some boy clothes. Age has nothing to do with knowing who you are I would be happy my son could come to me and trust me enough to talk with me about it
I’d definitely wait a few more years at least. 12 is very young to make a life changing decision like that. I’ve read many stories where people were given the ability to do this young and by their early 20’s completely regret the decision. But at the point they are they do not have the ability to easily reverse the decision they made as a CHILD! They themselves say they should not have been allowed to make that life altering decision so young. And with society pretty much normalizing it and pushing it so forcefully I’m not surprised at the amount of children saying, thinking, and feeling things like this. If it wasn’t everywhere I would think the numbers would be far less. And honestly they would never need for it to be explained to them so young to know this is a way they actually feel. They would know themselves without it being plastered throughout society.
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When I was 12 I wanted to be a boy too. Was total tomboy and I hated all the stuff that the other girls liked and wanted to do. Later on I became more comfortable in myself as I found my way. Decided that no I could like male things but I no longer wanted to be one.
I’d ask why do you think that? What can we do now to make you more comfortable? I wouldn’t put the kid on hormone blockers. I would let them dress however they wanted and wouldn’t force gender specific things on them, just give them opportunities to do whatever things they wanted to try. It’s a hard time for kids. There’s plenty of time for them to feel their way around and make decisions as the have more life experience. Whatever the ultimately decide is fine.
My 11yr old came out to me at 8… at 10 she told me her pronouns are they/them.
She changed her name to ash and all you can do is be supportive. Be there… listen. Help Guide them the best you can.
Sorry but I disagree… The fact that shows are putting this into kids brains and the media is just astonishing. A 12 year old can’t change what they are born with. This new age is a joke. Nothing wrong with a tom boy girl but wanting to be an actual boy is just nonsense. 
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Yikes…tough territory these days. I would simply say ok and go on with my day. 
Let her act like a “boy” if she wants to. Obviously the sex change part wouldn’t come until much later in life and by then she may change her mind. Just tell her to be herself whoever that is you love her and don’t care.
LGBTQ friendly therapist and time but not too much. The body dysphoria and the beginning of puberty at that age can be intense, but no reason to rush. I’d say any phase I was in as a kid never last more than 6 months to a year, and in the meantime, there’s no harm in a haircut and some more gender-neutral clothing!
I would take them to therapy to explore if this is something they really want and believe. I would support them and do whatever I could to help them into their true identity
I’d just follow their lead. Transition for kids is just wearing different clothes and potentially going by a different name. I’d probably bring them to a therapist who has experience with LGBT kids before making any decisions that could have potential side effects, like puberty blockers, for instance.
Did you get a clear understanding what she meant by this comment? Like what she wanted to change? I’d tell her she could do anything boys could do like wear boy clothes and change her style and she doesn’t need to change who she is as a person.
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As a mama of a child that’s trans, you listen. You hear them out. You do not invalidate any of their feelings. You support them. You don’t tell them to wait, or they’re not old enough, or it’s a phase, etc.
As a mama of a child who’s trans, they have such a hard life ahead, but being their shoulder, neck, and right hand to their head is so crucial.
My 13 year old daughter literally just told me this the other day! I told her to not make a decision that she will regret later in life. At this age, they are struggling with their identity and sexuality.
I just went thru this its hard as fuck. Im still losing my shit. Started at 12 just turned 14 its by far the hardest thing to go thru as a parent.
i think that was an appropriate reaction, maybe discuss talking to a therapist that specializes in that area and make sure that is the decision. and until then let her express herself as she chooses !
Definitely have a talk about how long she has felt like this. Some girls rather be more boyish due to something that happened to them and others really are trans. My GF in HS was a super tomboy and now has made almost a full change to male. He went through many years of pain hiding who he is. THERAPY is a must as one of the moms above said depression, anxiety, body and gender dysphoria can cause a lot of problems for them.
Just be supportive. Small steps in letting them become who they are is all that matters. Tons of love and support is all your child needs to figure this out.
As a trans person, love and support your child. Allow them to see how it would feel to live as a boy and listen to them openly and honestly. Ask them what you could do to make it easier for them. Try your hardest to learn their new name and pronouns and stand up for them when others don’t respect them.
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Support!! Just make sure it’s what they 100% want before you do any testosterone treatments or body changing surgeries. For right now I’d let them change their style, hair, and public gender, but I’d definitely wait until they’re a bit older to do body altering decisions just in case
Let it play out and always let her know, u support her which ever way she chooses❤ all she needs is love! Nothing more nothing less
Correction your 12 year old son says that he is a boy.
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