Get the child away from him.
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This is not good. Needs to be reported. Could save the baby’s life. Don’t mean to sound non-supportive of the mom but if she has to come on a social media site sounding indecisive something is wrong with her. Sorry….not sorry
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If he said take her, take her!! Or make arrangements. She’s a baby, babies cry, and he gets angry when she cries…
Did he want kids beforehand? The only time I hear this happening is accidental pregnancy that led to marriage. If the baby was an accident I’m guessing he never wanted kids. which explains his reactions and hurtful words. I know a guy that was like that and he did the bare minimum to care for his kids up until they were older then he was more hands on but still not a great father. 
also, he might not believe the baby is his. Maybe do a paternity test and show him the results. Knowing the baby is really his might change his attitude.
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Very concerning that he could shake her… please NEVER leave him unattended with her especially if he is triggered by HIS crying baby.
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I wouldn’t leave her with him. I’d find someone else to watch her and help youm
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Ultimatum that your husband get mental health care ASAP or you leave. He has hit rock bottom and is dangerous to you both. Not sure if it’s depression at being unemployed, plus feeling like a failure for not providing for you and your child, fear of the future, jealousy that the child takes attention away from him, PTSD, childhood trauma or what, but his behavior is NOT normal AT ALL and he is a threat to you and especially your baby.
You may need to move in with a friend or family member, a safe house, or even a women’s shelter while you recover and while he gets counseling/therapy. Honestly, I fear for the safety of you both.
Contact a women’s center/domestic violence hotline and get some advice. I’m worried that you don’t see his behavior as a clear danger. You need counseling too. He could kill you both in a hot minute. Make that call right now. Please.
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A lot of men aren’t good with little babies… it doesn’t come as naturally as it does for women… but u would definitely have him talk to the doctor about ppd… men suffer just as much as women…
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I remember seeing somewhere that a study was done in a school… they played a recording of a baby crying outside of the classroom. The girls showed concern for the baby and wanted to help, the boys showed distress in hearing it and their stress levels rose.
Not really relevant I know… but anyway, maybe it’s a sensory issue? He could potentially see a doctor about this and discuss ways of helping him.
Edit to add: I only read as far as the “please make it stop” before commenting.
First he should not be surprised with the extra help you will need. You should tell him in detail. Especially when he is having trouble adjusting to the baby. Crying is hard for some people to handle. I am about to have my 4th and have trouble with being over stimulated with noise. It is a sensory thing I can not control.
Also some babies just like animals can smell fear or anxiety. So the baby crying when with the father is understandable. Once he learns to relax and combat the issue, needs of the baby that should change. Some babies just prefer mommy and are criers. Pray about the situation and provide your partner with assistance. You getting frustrated probably just adds to the negative energy. Marriage and raising kids are not easy. Do not bail. You just might have to carry more of the burden for now. It will probably help your hubby when he gets back to work to. Good luck and God bless.
You couldn’t pay me enough to leave my child with someone that gets upset after holding them for a few minutes. It’s hard telling what could happen to that poor baby.
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Postpartum depression get him professional help. What may seem “mean” to someone is a cry for help for others. Of course it’s not what we want to hear. He’s clearly struggling
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Sounds like he isn’t ready yet to be a father. Some guys take awhile, was this a planned pregnancy? Maybe a break for a while could be good for all of you.
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Men need to bond with their child it doesn’t always come naturally to all of them. But the only time I’ve heard of a man referring to a child as a thing or it, is when it’s a boyfriend or step parent who doesn’t want anything to do with another man’s child. I would definitely demand counseling for him because a lot of men are afraid of hurting their baby when they’re newborns and really small, but she 4mths old and he’s had plenty of time to bond or get use to his babies crying by now. It doesn’t sound like he wants a relationship or any responsibility for his own child. I’d start demanding he spends more time with her while you’re there and refuse to take her when she’s crying. Let him figure out how to sooth her and get her distracted or change/feed her etc. If he doesn’t bond with her soon, you need to really start thinking about divorce because if you can’t trust leaving his own child with him, you shouldn’t trust him at all period.
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Don’t ever leave the baby with him ever
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Have someone stay with him the entire time ,doesn’t sound safe sorry mama
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No way in hell I would leave my baby with him if he gets angry when they cry!! no way!! To dangerous!
Things you need to talk about, does he have past trama, is he nuro Divergent, does he have ADHD, add adhd, or any other mental health issues?
He needs an eval and some councling.
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Do not leave her please… I dont think he can be ok with her alone… Im sorry im sure thats not what you want to here but its your job to protect her
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If he gets angry with her I wouldn’t leave her with him alone. Find someone else to watch him. There’s too many cases of child abuse and you don’t want to risk anything.
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My ex was like that…now hes an ex.
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Take your kid and leave! That’s all!
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That’s not a normal doting dad behavior at all never leave him with your infant . He needs help !
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I definitely would be nervous to leave her with him. He could also be suffering from depression. I know some men will also get “post parting depression” after their wives have babies. I would talk to him about reaching out to someone for help. He also could just be having trouble bonding with the baby.
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Yeah not to happy he referred to his child as “this thing” wtf dude you didn’t get pregnant by yourself I would definitely not be leaving my child with him I am sorry but this is very upsetting to me. He needs some help with his anger issues or whatever is triggering him to react that way but until then I would t leave your child with him unattended 
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Women aren’t the only ones who suffer when babies are born. Get him help
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I’d tell him to go get mental help are me and baby is out
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Over stimulated. People forget adults can be too. Encourage him etc
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I would suggest help for him if he’s triggered … PTSD is very hard to ask help for. It will get easier for him if he gets help.
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I definitely would NOT leave her alone with him.
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Sounds like he needs a diaper change.
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More then likely its a stimulation issue. Alot of adults have it and are just undiagnosed. It was and still is very hard for me to handle my kids when they are screaming or crying. It literally makes my skin crawl. It is however something that hes going to have to get past and be a proper parent.
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I wouldnt leave him alone with her at all.
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I know some dads can be disconnected with their new babies, but this sound like a red flag to me.
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Is she colic.? I have two toddlers and my second child our son didn’t like my husband at all. He would cry even if he held him or did everything I did he just wouldn’t settle down. Turns out he was colic and was just attached to his mama, men have a harder time bonding with the babies. It’s nobody’s fault
This is very frightening
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Postpartum depression can affect men as well!!
He needs to seek some counciling or just to speak about it to his primary care provider
I would not leave him alone with her. If he is that upset about her crying then someone else needs to watch her. There is no reason for a grown man to act that way towards an infant. He really needs to seek counseling for this because he could be effected by post partum issues.
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Do not leave your baby with him EVER. I know that’s not what you probably wanted to hear, but what if he shakes her, or hurts her… Take your precious baby and leave him. He sounds like bad news.
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Please do not leave her with him. So many things can go wrong. My anxiety is getting triggered just thinking about it and it’s not my child. Please see if your brother in law can look after her during your surgery and while you are recovering. Please, do not take the risk.
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Take your child and leave. My ex husband did the exact thing with our son. At 3 and half months old he was brutally beaten while i was asleep and my son was in his care… Please… Please protect your baby at all cost girl! 
.
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Post pardum depression can be for dads to. It’s a big change and it can be tough for some. While I don’t agree with him calling her a thing, it could be a sign. Also some people are triggered by crying babies. I am one of those people. I don’t like to hear them cry at all but I had to learn to deal and you learn quick (when you have to) how to make them stop crying. Encourage him and work with him. It will be more work yes but isn’t it worth it?
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Sadly I was going through the same thing with my newborn son and his father. Not even a week old, and my husband was screaming at my son and I telling me to ‘shut him the fuc* up!’ My husband stopped sleeping in our bedroom with us and started sleeping on the couch…he refused to touch our son…wouldn’t hug or kiss him…never told him he loved him…he never acknowledged him at all…
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You need to talk to him. He may feel like he is doing something wrong if the baby cries when she is with him for any thing. My child was like that with her daddy and he finally admitted that he felt like a failure. So what we did was play with her together til they got more comfortable with each other. It helped ease his fears. Btw she is definitely daddy’s girl. Even at the age of 20’now
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Could it be he’s being over stimulated with all the loud noise? Sensory overload can make people angry.
Have him try noise cancelling earplugs. Where you can still hear what’s going on but it dulls down the noise.
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Red flags all over the place with this one. Please be careful with her around him. It could just be the baby stage now but what about the toddler, preschooler, adolescent, and teen stage. Good luck and may god protect u both.
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My husband just didn’t do babies, he always had me take them with me grocery shopping everywhere unless it was somewhere where I couldn’t like your procedure he was just never comfortable with them as babies till they where older when they where 8mo that’s when he got comfortable being alone with them we have 5 now and he is a great father and plays with them all now all the time he just didn’t do the baby stage. And would avoid it at all cost he never really even held them much as babies, unless he had to. On the rare occasion he did have them when they where babies I usually came home to them being in a sleep sack or clothes that where 3 sizes too big cause he was afraid he was going to hurt them getting them dressed
Girl this is a red flag 
I’d be single so fast. Never has my husband said those kinds of things to me or about our girls. He was helpful whenever he wasn’t at work. Something isn’t right with that…I got warning bells going off just reading this
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It seems he doesnt want to be a parent and if hes getting upset while you’re around I definitely wouldn’t leave the baby with him alone
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I would personally take her with you if rather risk lifting her than leaving her
He sounds undiagnosed maybe ADHD and I think taking steps to help him adjust would do wonders however he doesn’t sound like he’s ready to have her alone and it’s maybe causing him anxiety
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Love, this is simple. Dad loves the baby…he’s just not in control which is sometimes frightening to men. Once he sees how you console her…he will start to mimic you, in time, to get her to calm down. Men bond differently than women. Don’t be judgmental. Just know you will look back at this laugh later.
Do not leave your baby with him. Find someone else to watch your baby if you ever need to leave. He very well could shake her or hurt her while angry. Please don’t risk it.
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Have you talked with your husband before conceiving? Did he not want kids before this child? Was this baby a surprise? I mean, if I knew my husband didn’t like/want his own kids, I’ve never would’ve married the man or had his kids. I would’ve moved along with someone who wanted to have kids with me.
Okay nobody panic… Here’s the thing he could have something called sensory overload. Does it just have to do with the baby crying or does he struggle sometimes with other loud noises for example is it difficult for him to have a conversation if a radio is playing loud if so it could very likely be sensory overload I’m a mother and I have that and it’s very difficult for me at times when my son is consistently talking because he’s just at that age that’s what he does and he’s learned to understand that mom needs a break she’ll have to go in her room for a minute and breathe while he watches a cartoon on the couch he’s within sight and he’s safe. But sensory overload is literally feeling like every nerve in your entire nervous system is on edge it’s very similar I would think to what someone who is autistic experiences and he may want to speak with his doctor about it I’m not sure if there’s a medication that can help I’m also bipolar and have anxiety so I do take a medication for those things, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad father it doesn’t mean he’s going to harm the child. It just means that there is a big possibility that that’s what that could be.
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So, I don’t like the way he is acting but I also have a couple of questions. Does he have any experience with children? Nieces and nephews that he was around or is this the absolute first baby he was around? When my girls were young, my husband would get overwhelmed when they’d cry and nothing he was doing could fix it. They stopped usually when they came back to me so a lot of times my husband said “well, clearly she likes you better.” If this is the absolute first experience he has with children, he is also very likely overwhelmed and clueless.
Have you sat down with him and told him what you just told us? Asked him specifically what it is that bothers him about this? You’re a team and you need to make this work together.
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Your baby probably cries when he holds her because she can feel his emotions and plus if he doesn’t hold her or talk/play with her much she doesn’t know him or feel safe with him.
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Don’t leave him with her if he can’t handle the crying with you there and gets angry. Ask someone else bc he’s not ok.
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I WOUDLNT LET THAT MANY ALONE WITH MY KID… I don’t care how short a time it is. Nnnnope.
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I would not leave her with him. It sounds like a recipe for him abusing her. I would trust him with her at all. He needs some serious help.
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I wouldn’t leave him alone with her
He needs help ! Try to get him help , if he refuses get your baby leave .
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Post partem in dads is something that is not talked about enough ! This is a very real thing for dads also . Especially stress from currently not working . This is something that should definitely be looked at more . Trying having a conversation with him about how he’s feeling right now . Maybe suggest some marriage counseling. But for right now to be safe I would give him space with the baby until you guys figure things out .
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I wouldn’t leave her with him. Also I believe y’all need to have an honest conversation.
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FInd the door, take your baby, and keep on walking. This guy will not improve with age.
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My ex boyfriend and I had a baby and yes. she was a surprise. it took him 5 weeks to come see her for the first time. he was amazing with her. at first. eventually. he lied and said he was being deported and I decided to move out of province to be closer to my sister. I haven’t heard from him since.Some men aren’t meant to be dads. sorry if I sound cruel. I’m just speaking from my own experience. Things may change. you’ll have to talk to him. maybe counseling. saying. take this Thing about his own child isn’t right. I know some men are scared by enfants. they are so small and fragile. Can you brother in law help out? he seems to truly love babies. and I wouldn’t leave hubby alone with her for more then 30 mins. especially if you see him get so angry. it’s just not safe. good luck.
I wouldn’t leave her with him but either he needs to man up n help u with her while ur there or he needs to leave
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You said he’s not working right now- maybe he’s under some pressure? Maybe has some depression going on? Adding a baby to the mix probably sets him off in a already shitty situation he is. Doesn’t excuse his behavior. That’s just a suggestion.
I can agree, men don’t like the baby stage. My fiancé hates it but he still deals with it when I need him. Today for example I had to pick up up our cat from the vet and our 1 week old woke up and wanted nothing but boob. It was super frustrating for him. But it is what it is.
Give it some time- I’m sorry he isn’t used to it yet. Try communicating with him and asking him how he’s feeling. Probably just needs his woman to baby him. Men.
He sounds like trash.
Some people get sensory overload. He probably can’t help it. Work around it, he probably also feels frustrated cause he wants to help you and be there for his child, but physically or mentally can’t.
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I’m not saying your husband is violent but my ex was like this with our daughter and he was violent towards me, so I never ever left her alone in his care. This post gives me really bad anxiety. I hope for yourself and your daughter that your husband steps up and acts like a father but in my experience, they don’t. It was so much easier for me to be a single mum without the man than a single mum with a half pie father.
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Honestly I would be scared he would hurt her someday!!! If he is referring to your child as a “thing” it seems he has no actual emotional attachment. If I were you I would NEVER leave her alone with him.
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Does he possibly have a sensory issue that hasn’t been diagnosed? If it isn’t that then he has no excuses for this behavior.
Idk what his reason is , what you need to be concerned with is what he could possibly do if he gets too aggravated…
Does he have anyone in the family like a brother or brother in law that is a father and can sit him down and give him tips, advice? Just because he’s a dad doesn’t mean he’s automatically equipped to handle childcare. He sounds like he’s triggered by the babies cry. Could be dangerous if left alone. I’m not saying he would intentionally harm your baby but things happen when under stress. Get him help ASAP!
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I’m sorry but I wouldn’t leave him alone with her. He seems like he wouldn’t be able to control his anger when she starts crying. That’s just my opinion, but out of safety concerns I wouldn’t.
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Find a baby sitter. Dont leave your baby alone with him.
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Most likely sensory overload. I CAN NOT stand my kids whining or crying. I deal with it obviously but it really fucks with my head
You cannot force him to be the Dad that you want him to be. If he cant handle the baby stage, protect your child by getting extra help.
I would be divorcing that man so quick! I wouldn’t want that man around my children and the way he talks/acts and feels about her around you is a clear indication he doesn’t want her and can’t deal with her, if left alone with her he may well hurt her out of frustration and you can’t risk that!
My partner doesn’t deal very well with our boys sometimes (I often lose my rag too because I’m basically doing it alone) and I’ve never left my babies with anyone for long periods of time and it took me a very long time to leave them at all even with my mum or my partner and when I do my anxiety is though the roof and I’m sick with worry and fear.
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I would not let him alone with my child period ,If she starts crying and he can’t get her to stop you don’t know what could happen
Do not I repeat do not leave the baby with him
Men can get postpartum depression also.
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Yes, you should be concerned. No one will argue with you that baby cries will sometimes get very annoying, but referring to his own child as “this thing”, and being triggered every time she cries? Thats creepy af. News flash buddy: babies dont talk, they can only let us know something is wrong by crying. If l were married to your husband l’d sleep with one eye open and definitely dump his ass asap.
He needs to go to parenting class, but also needs reassuring that it’s OK for babies to cry. Calmly help him learn to settle the baby. When he gets frustrated just encourage him.
You need to sit down and talk with him about his behavior. Was the baby planned? If not he could be having some resentment. Honestly the things that he’s saying are very unsettling to me. I wouldn’t trust leaving him alone with her especially if he can’t deal with her for 5 minutes. I will call your brother-in-law and see if maybe you could drop the baby off with them he seems like he’s checked out of you the baby and the relationship
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Hey, you need to start pumping it’ll help dad be able to take more responsibility and bond better with the baby, still breastfeed whenever you can but…. Have a designated feeding bonding time with dad. Pump him some milk in a bottle and have him feed her, this will help bond them. He is getting angry to quickly and that is a red flag he is upset that he can’t calm the baby down himself. I would say no you calm her down next time she is crying I did that with my husband and he said idk how and he learned and now he’s the best daddy ever. You tell him to bounce her and show him when he’s scared when she’s crying and also have a pacifier near so he can use that to calm her
Do not leave the baby alone with him…
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If he’s calling y’all’s child a “thing” I would be afraid there is not an emotional attachment there. Who knows what anger and disassociation could lead him to do if your baby didn’t stop crying while in his care. I don’t mean to scare you, but if you can find someone else to help you…by all means, please do. He sounds like he needs serious help or you need to make you and your child MIA before this escalates.
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Do not leave your baby alone with this man! There have been too many cases of babies killed by their parents, and you have just described all the warning signs. I would leave ASAP. You have to put your baby first, and this is not safe. I am a forensic psychologist for federal law enforcement specializing in missing kids, and I have seen this way too often
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It sounds like he is having depression issues men often turn sadness into anger because they are not taught that it is ok to cry and be sad. He needs to be check checked for depression and some help.
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He’s gonna do one of two things if left alone with the baby. Get so frustrated that he harms her (even if he doesn’t mean to). Or he’s going to stick her in a room and close the door and let her cry. How does she do on car drives? Maybe while you’re having your procedure done he could take her on a ride. Even I do this with my kids. I have three little ones and I’ve been a stay at home mom. When I feel sensory overload and I can’t handle it anymore, I pack everybody up and we go for a joy ride.
There is a difference between a man taking a while to take to being a dad and a man who calls his baby a thing and can’t be near when there is crying… I truly am afraid for your baby… don’t leave him alone with that baby…
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Definitely get someone else to watch her please he stressed with not working n having a newborn he needs a job or outlet but no way should he watch her dont force him too …be sad situation for baby
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He sounds like he has anger issues don’t leave the baby with him alone as he sound like he could fly off the handle get his ass out that house referring to his child as an it or that sounds like he has no attachment to his child at all
Red flags everywhere!!! I’m sorry but I’d leave in a heart beat and I wouldn’t leave my child alone with that man!
I’d be concerned he would hurt her when he you were not there BC he can’t control the crying.
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Please, for the baby’s sake, do not leave her with him alone. I left my daughter, around the same age, with my now ex husband (her father) for maybe an hour, 2 at most. When I came home she was screaming and crying, her face was beat red from it as she’d been crying for so long. She was sitting on the couch unattended. He had thrown the playpen, broke it, threw everything he could find around him, broke a ton of stuff and was in a huge fit of rage when I got home because he couldn’t figure out how to get her to stop crying. I don’t even what to think of what could’ve happened if I was gone any longer. Please do yourself a favor and get away from that toxicity ASAP, and keep your baby safe.
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Like everyone has said please don’t leave her alone with her. He obviously wasn’t ready for a child. If possible find someone to babysit for you and help when you come out. Babies can feel when they are loved and wanted. That’s probably why the baby starts to cry after a a little bit of being with him.
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Sit down and actually talk to your husband 1st instead of running to a facebook group where the majority is going to say “don’t leave her with him” etc. You need to talk to him and see what the issue is… some guys take longer to bond with their kid, especially if it’s his 1st kid. Sometimes it doesnt come natural to them like it does us.
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It may be that he is upset by the fact baby is more attached to you and cries with him. Maybe he tries but gets overwhelmed? It won’t stop until he starts spending more time with baby.
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Maybe he is dealing with depression since he is not working. Try to get him to see a mental health worker
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Could we think maybe post partum depression for him, dads can definitelyfeel it too. I had/ have with my daughter and I know that every time she would start to cry it triggered me. I hated it. It made me feel like the worst mother, I couldn’t even look at my child. I love my daughter with all I have but going through that newborn time was the hardest for me. Maybe his feeling overwhelmed too. Try and sit down and have a chat about why it makes him feel that way soon as bub cries. Try to understand his view too.
Sometimes dads don’t really adjust until bub begins to show attention/play to a person. As for them they are just mainly on the sideline.
Some of these comments hurt to see just walk away or give up.
Just sit and have a chat. Try to understand. And ofcourse sure if he says that he isn’t up for it then you work that out then.
All the best x
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Where are you from? I’ll watch the baby while you recover, I know you don’t know me but I can literally send you names and numbers of people who will vouch that I would literally die before I let anything happen to your child, or any child for that matter. Please please please don’t leave your baby alone with that man.
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