I know how frustrating this must be for you.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.
There is Overeaters Anonymous. It is free. They pass a basket & you pitch in $1 or some change. If she does not want to help herself, there is nothing you can do.
3 Likes
Extremely selfish of them to choose to live their life in a disabled manner and guilt you and your family into literally cleaning up after them. I have an almost morbid obese family member who I actually live with, so i completely understand. Its frustrating when they’re choosing day in and day out to live in that way and dont even bother to care how anyone else who its affecting feels about it.
1 Like
You’re Not obligated to help anyone who refuses to help themselves. Family or Not. It may actually be enabling them even. I would sit n have a serious talk stating if they don’t want to help themselves you’re not going to sit n watch them slowly die.
5 Likes
Sounds like its none of your business.
Let people live their lives. Even if it’s not good for them. They will figure their shit out, one way or another, the easy or the hard way. Remove your kids from the situation and if it bothers you so much, cut ties.
Everything you guys are doing is enabling their behaviour. Instead of helping the way you have. Get the whole family over there get rid of junk and replace with healthy.
Sometimes people just need a foot up the backside so to speak as they dont realise the impact their behaviour has on other members around them others use it as a manipulation.
Yes there is a mental wellness concern.
Yes their is a health concern.
Maybe speaking to your doctor about it and see what can be sone to help.
Action speaks louder than words you guys have exhausted yourself physically and emotionally trying to help yourself.
You can only help those qho want ro help themselves so if they wont take on any brochures of self help or doc advise walk away knowing youve done your best.
Lots of people have weight issues this is extreme for even medical issues, if they cared about their own health they would do something themselves however they may be in depression due to the issues too so keep that in mind.
Food is often used to calm emotional trauma and feelings.
I would suggest home councelling for the now and leave information with them on how they can help themselves. But stop doing everything for them they dont have to move if everything is done for them aka enabling behaviour.
1 Like
Quit enabling them by letting your kids and yourself do everything for them at some point they need to be responsible for themselves obviously death doesn’t scare them enough to make a change
Walk away and let them be where they are in life. The only person you can control is yourself. Set boundaries and live your life
2 Likes
Why do you get to judge?
1 Like
If you live in a big city there’s probably an Overeaters Anonymous group. Even if your family member doesn’t want to go, they may have a coexisting support group for family members. Good luck. You can’t change someone else, you can only change your response to them.
You cannot force them to change and you are by no means obligated to take care of them. I totally get why you are upset. I mean if they at least did like 24-50% of the work and then hired your kids to do the rest it would be different because at least they are trying to something for themselves. To me it sounds like they enjoy having the excuse to no do the things that they pay your kids to do.
Put up boundaries and tell them you will only help them find professional help.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am concerned for my morbidly obese family member: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Agree w most on here. This is not necessarily a choice anymore for them. Its an addiction. Far deeper than eating goes. You can make anyone WANT to do or be different. They have to want it. Figure out how to find a solution that fixes your anxiety and frustration about the issue. You can only change yourself and your reaction to it all. Read about codependency. Empower yourself to make the changes you need to for your own mental health.
You Cant care more than they do. This is an addiction for them, you have to approach it from that angle. I am a recovering drug addict and my biggest downfall was people that enabled me. I know that is how you are showing that you care, but your kindness is being taken advantage of. Its going to turn you bitter and that’s when you need to take a step back and take it off your shoulders and tell this family member that because you love them you have to distance yourself because it is affecting your well being and mental health. Use it as a teaching lesson for your children as well, so they can learn to protect themselves in a similar situation. Sometimes when we “care too much” we become pushy and it will rarely produce results.
I wish you the best of luck, addiction in any form is hard to understand.
This is a great lesson on setting boundaries and the unpleasant side of Co dependency!
4 Likes
That surgery is not a good route if he or she can get up and move then he or she needs to work it off themselves… A doctor will tell u the same they will have this person lose so much weight before they will let him or her have the surgery and if u can’t get them to pick up after her or him self the doctor probably isn’t going 2 to get this person 2 exercise…
It isn’t laziness! It looks that way from the outside, but really is all the turmoil thats on the inside.
Maybe show her she’s worthy and not the negative comments. Love her unconditionally and back off. Your comments Don’t help. She very aware of her health and situation.
You can only help the Willing.
14 Likes
You need to step right back from the situation and quit obsessing over their choices. Your intolerace, anger, criticism, and nagging is likely actually making it worse for them. The kids get to make some money and learn the pleasure of earning it, as well as the value of helping family. Try to switch your perspective because your combative stance helps nothing and is sending a sad, judgemental, and intolerant message to the kids.
18 Likes
If your kids are getting paid and they want to help, they aren’t using them. You’re allowed to say no when they ask you to do something, and saying no when your load is full is being a good example to your kids on how to set boundaries. It’s not your life, they don’t have to lose weight if they dont want to, you need to let it go.
6 Likes
Honestly, you’re enabling them. If the whole family were to decide to stop catering to them, they’d be forced to figure it out themselves & that may push them to make changes. If it were me, it’d be a tough love approach! Don’t enable. Don’t be available for their every whim!
18 Likes
First off, kudos to you for caring so much for this person and putting in so much effort to help them. Unfortunately it’s the old “you can’t help them if they won’t help themselves.”
I’m sure it’s so difficult. Love to you 
6 Likes
I feel like you could be talking about my ex husband (minus paying people to clean their house) its sad really and heartbreaking
My Dr said something that changed my perspective on my weight and obsessing on why I couldn’t lose weight. It’s not a weight problem it’s an anxiety problem. U gotta realize the weight issue is a symptom and not the cause.
3 Likes
You are very much an enabler. Back off and go enjoy you days. You are caring to much. Make her get up and help/
1 Like
Just let it be, I know it hurts you, but just let it be. One thing I learned by dealing with an addict, is YOU CANNOT HELP THEM IF THEY DONT WANT THE HELP. Start distancing yourself, don’t cause yourself anymore stress. Calmly tell them, “I love you, whenever you seriously want the help reach out, but I can’t do this anymore.”
8 Likes
I mean… you can choose not to be at their beck and call but the whole cleaning thing is dumb to be upset over because your kids are getting paid to do it. You can lead a horse to water but you absolutely cannot make it drink. stop allowing this to stress you out so much. if your kids don’t mind being paid to clean then let them keep doing it and just love your family member from a distance.
3 Likes
Lose that weight and stop associating with them. Can’t help someone that doesn’t want it. Nor can you keep putting yourself through this crap.
1 Like
My mama died 2yrs ago because of her weight it literally squeezed her lungs and heart she was on life support twice then died of a massive heart attack going up her ramp into home it will squeeze your insides till they explode basically and she made excuses all the time too praying you can get them help before its too late because unfortunately i quit bitching and then lost her dony quit fighting for them to get the help they need
1 Like
You clearly care about this person, and I’m sure you have the best of intentions, but a few notes:
It’s not your place to comment on their weight or mental health.
Keep offering to help if you want to, but keep judgment out of your mouth.
If you are tired of having your kids do work for them ask them to hire a cleaning service.
This person sounds like they’re dealing with some serious trauma in their own way, and while not the best way, it isn’t your place to judge.
8 Likes
This holds alot of issues for me. So as a medically classified very morbidly obese person myself, I tread lightly from the other side of this spectrum. I personally am glad to have people care about me. But I am so numb from hearing the same song and dance from everyone. Its go to the Dr. ( why so they can be rude and fat shame me like everyone else) get some help, let me help you, see a counselor bla bla bla. Trust me this person has heard every story in the book more times then you can count. If you really want to help them they need emotional support not verbal bashing. Maybe I am different from this person. I dont eat much but it’s not about that for me it’s the physical pain I’m in and my own medical issues that create issues that make it hard to loose weight for me. I smell food and gain weight I sware. But I have decided for myself to loose weight again. It is difficult and hard when a person can not walk. What helped me years ago loose 120 pounds was water, I got a hot tub to relieve pain before and after workouts. This person needs to want to change and needs to want to loose weight. A therapist is almost a must and a really great Dr. In gastroenterology. One that will only be positive. And that goes for family and friends also. Positivity is the only way to accomplish helping this person. But trust me if he/she doesnt want to try you cant force them. If you want to help then take this person out everyday for a week and start to walk with them maybe 5 feet and back then more the next day and so on. If you think it’s hard for you and your family now just think about what it will be like helping this person loose weight. This person needs someone to show them how to loose weight and how to do for themselves and how to think and how to cook and eat. Everything at this point needs to be relearned. Food is easier to get when it’s not healthy, chips, everything carbo loaded, deep fat fried food. Fast food. And honestly it’s cheaper to. But all that being said it’s not your place or your buisness to change this person. If you dont like it maybe you should stop helping and stop letting your children be involved and stop everything stop cleaning for them stop assisting stop enabling them. In my opinion the more people do for me the less reason I have to do for myself (personally) although I tell people I can do it and I will do it. Something as small as someone getting me my meals. Or a drink or throwing something away for me. Because they want to be helpful. Same as this other person they need to learn to say no or no thank you and get off there own ass and do it. The more you and your family do you are killing this person with your kindness. Stop it. Also you need to make sure this person has med management because you cant loose weight if your in serious pain. Mentally or physically. Best of luck to your family member. Also if he/she needs a friend in a similar situation feel free to have them add me. Sometimes understanding is all that’s needed.
6 Likes
You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped.
11 Likes
Have you ever thought maybe depression could be involved? Maybe you should approach the situation in a different way .
1 Like
You can’t force someone to change you can change your involvement.
6 Likes
Yea, I know, I owe you too. You can’t take away the memories.
If this person is on any kind of medicaid or medicare have them talk to their primary doctor. That insurance covers gastric sleeve and gastric bypass surgery for weight loss
1 Like
You have to treat them like a addic stop helping them in any way. Don’t feed to them. Your feeding into their addiction and allowing them to kill themself
You should just mind your own business
Personally i Don’t believe its your place or business to get involved… If they pay who cares if you don’t want your kids doing it then stop it. They will get help when they want ot not when you try to force it. Just saying. Change your involvement if you don’t like it
7 Likes
Stop doing for them. It’s the same concept as enabling a drug addict. I know how infuriating it is to watch someone you love destroy themselves. Same as someone who smokes, they’re slowly killing themselves.
3 Likes
You can’t help someone that don’t want to help themselves…
You’ve tried your best…
What ever happens now is their own fault…
Time to step away…
You leave them to die sorry
Walk away and dont look back
1 Like
It’s an illness, much like an alcoholic.
There are deep rooted reasons.
People wanting you to change your behavior isn’t enough.
2 Likes
Learn to detach with love. This person is an addict and you are an enabler. Find a CoDA meeting and start learning coping skills. Fix yourself, not the addict.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am concerned for my morbidly obese family member: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am concerned for my morbidly obese family member: Advice? - Mamas Uncut
How absolutely presumptive of you. All I could see reading this was “I, I, I.” It seems to be all about you. Could it be that you’re embarrassed of this family member? Trust me- overweight people don’t need someone “helpfully” telling them they’re overweight, need to lose weight, how to cope with things. They are less likely to be taken seriously by doctors, less likely to be hired or receive promotions at their jobs, faced with discrimination everywhere they go. And coming from “helpful” family members makes it even worse. You say you love this family member, then LOVE THEM. Or walk away. Either way, this is a reflection on you, not them.
342 Likes
I’m a person who has weighed that much and had 2 weight loss surgeries to battle this addiction that was most certainly a direct consequence of trauma & undiagnosed ADHD. What you believe is coming from a place of love? Is conveyed as mean spirited judgment, hatred, and just another person on this earth that DOESN’T LOVE NOR CARE. Attributing this solely to LAZINESS is absolute proof that you don’t comprehend what it is like to be this person, nor are truly vested in REALLY HELPING.
132 Likes
An intervention won’t work. Love them them just the way they are unconditionally and stop judging them. My mother did what you are doing my whole entire childhood and it ruined our relationship. Now she’s gone and I’m at a decent weight for me. But I had to do it when I was ready.
34 Likes
Have the intervention, and if they refuse to get help, cut them off. The only person you can control is you and you have to do what is best for you and your family. You have tried to help, but it’s time to let go.
22 Likes
Diabetes and heart disease run in my family, but family members continue to ignore suggestions on watching what they eat. Hurts to think that one day they may have health issues.we have lost members of our family because of this.
13 Likes
let it be, we are not responsible for other peoples decisions. Just love them the way they are, it is obvious they do not feel loved or approved of, so please, do not add to their pain.
65 Likes
This is not laziness. Stop moralizing weight…if you don’t want to help, don’t but you have no right to make judgments. You don’t know what’s going on in their head & heart. I am fat & it is certainly not because I am lazy or overeat.
78 Likes
Just back off. Your in their face all the time. You are not helping the situation. You are actually making it worse. You are coursing more emotional pain and depression. Just give her breathing space and back off
8 Likes
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. Also, you can’t want it more than that person. Keep planting the seed-let them know your willing to help when their ready-pray they acknowledge they have a problem and accept your help
14 Likes
It’s really tough too bc you have to try and remember you can’t helps someone who doesn’t want to be helped 
44 Likes
I read these comments with great interest as a person who has battled weight issues for years. Nobody can make you change. Period. But when someone shows you love, kindness, acceptance—-you start to believe you are worthy of those things. You then start to value yourself and how you care for yourself. We change through relationships not by one person controlling another. We see ourselves through others. If you show your relative unconditional love they will eventually come to see themselves as worthy.
22 Likes
You are enabling them to continue their lifestyle. STOP! Just say no. Let them find other help…or do it themselves. If they can pay you, they can pay others. Yes… it will make you feel guilty. But aren’t you going to feel guilty by helping them continue? And when they die…and they will…you will feel guilty because you tried to help but couldn’t. You can’t win. Just stop! We all have choices. Those choices always affect other people. Their choices are making you sick with guilt! See?
82 Likes
maybe their happy as they are? it sounds like it bothers you more than it bothers them? if their happy in their body your just going to have to accept that. you cant make someome do something they dont want to do and its wrong of you to force them to. yes its not good for their health, but thats their choice. as for the cleaning…just dont do it. their mess let them do it or live in it.
7 Likes
I
My motto is if you can’t help yourself, I’ll be damned it I’m going to help you! It’s hard but, after taking advantage of you, you must. Sounds like they love people to be their enabler…
10 Likes
There’s obviously a lot of underlying issues,trauma,possible abuse during their informative years,a emotionally secure and happy person does not sabotage themselves to this level health wise,you can be kind,rant and rave at them,loose their shit at them but it won’t work,they have to want to get better themselves,unless they get some intense therapy there not much that can be done,I understand you want to help them but at what expense,you’re mh is important and you don’t need the added stress in you’re life,take a step back and think about yourself
9 Likes
I feel like although your heart is in the right place, I think your approach needs to change. If this person is happy and unbothered by their weight, then you should be happy for them. We only have control over ourselves, and that’s what needs to be focused on. If you don’t want your kids to be cleaning their house, then don’t let them, and allow this person to hire someone else to do it. I wouldn’t bring up their weight to them anymore. They clearly are fine with were they are at in life, and they are happy, then that’s good for them, and leave it alone. Set boundaries for yourself if you need to. They’re an adult and if they want help, they will seek it out themselves. Focus on you, your immediate family, and just be a friend to this person.
23 Likes
You can’t help them if they don’t want to help themselves. Constantly pointing out their weight or food habits won’t help either (I assure you,they know how big they are). Sad as it sounds,you need to back off and let them live their life
14 Likes
“No one else will help them” - because they have gone through every other family member already. Try to set boundaries and stick to them!!! You have a big heart and this person knows it and is taking advantage.
33 Likes
I am not saying mental illness is not out there believe me I know that it is , but if you are unwilling to do something about it and constantly take advantage of other people there is no sympathy from me. Get help take care of you because nobody but you is responsible for your better health mentally or physically
4 Likes
While you are concerned about this, do not make them feel any more ashamed about this than they already are!!! I can’t stress that enough. While your intentions are coming from a good place, remember, it sometimes will backfire, and make them more regretful, thus causing them to never change their ways. They have to be the one to change, on their own terms. You can’t snap them out of it. You can offer encouragement, and they might be receptive to praise when you notice something they are doing healthy. That might give them the motivation to keep going. But, if they are unwilling to change, sometimes you can’t help them, sometimes it takes is a big health scare to open their eyes. Or sometimes, it won’t change them at all. Just pray for them, and offer encouragement, and praise, praise, praise them. I know it’s hard to watch someone suffer like that. Also, let them know you love them everyday, and let them know you will always be there for them.
8 Likes
Stop helping and stop the kids from helping this only enables the person to be more lazy , it is your choice to not be a part of this person’s life especially when it’s impacting on your own personal mental health . Take care of you ! Leave the other person alone and let them figure it out themselves .
40 Likes
This is a mental problem. You are not trained to intervene. Save your own life. What you are doing is not helpful to them or you either.
24 Likes
I agree with some of the posts as in you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help and you are enabling them to continue by doing everything for them but I also think this runs deep…she has simply given up on life to the point where only food and buying stuff online is of interest…I suspect she watches loads of telly and never goes out. I am epileptic and have depression times and seizures can take it out of me…also overweight not massive but enough…suggestions …get her to get a cleaner so your children are free of the responsibility and can have a normal life if they want to…provide her with the numbers so she can’t complain and be firm…one small change can lead to bigger ones. Then leave her to it…its classic but true everyone cleans their house before the cleaner comes…just be firm and give her confidence to do a little bit herself.
3 Likes
You sound like a complete and total ass sorry but you have no idea how and why this person has come to this. Did you know that telling somebody that they have to lose weight can actually have the opposite effect. Obesity is often linked to trauma or mental illness. The only person that can decide to change is them and if they don’t want to change that’s something you’re going to have to accept and sometimes it’s not a matter of wanting but being able to mentally. Congratulations that you’re able to not be “lazy” I used to have family members that told me that I should lose weight and you know what that led me to eating and being depressed and gaining weight because I felt unworthy of their love maybe instead of being a judgmental jerk who claims to worry about them but sounds like she’s only worried about herself accept your family member for who they are at any size.
15 Likes
I am horrified how abusive so many of you are to OP. While ( rightfully so) everyone is supportive of the relative, hardly anyone is being supportive of OP. She is not qualified in this situation and is obviously struggling both physically and mentally. She is asking for ADVICE and all you can do is tell her what a horrible person she is. Please either post links for her to get the information on how to effectively help and cope or scroll past
10 Likes
This sounds like you have lost your heart for this situation. Obesity becomes a disability at this stage. It’s not laziness and deliberate. You cannot get in their heads so free yourself and your children from all of the commitments you have made to help. They will find a way and perhaps get the help they so desperately need. God Bless You and your family.
7 Likes
I would say”butt out!” It’s ok for you to worry about them but it’s none of your business how they live their life. Keep your opinions to yourself or your relationship
Will end up suffering big time!
7 Likes
You should stay out of their life because your words are toxic. Being morbidly overweight and hoarding isn’t lazy, it’s mental illness. Your constant criticism only makes it worse. Love is unconditional, so if you truly love this person, love and support them regardless. They know what they are doing to themselves. It must be a pretty dark place they are in, knowing what they are doing will kill them and they continue to do it anyway. Have some compassion, not just judgment.
7 Likes
Can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves. Weight loss journey is hard and unless they want to put the work in, it isn’t going to happen.
7 Likes
Using words like “Lazy”, is quite harmful for someone to hear. They are 500 pounds, so yes, getting up and walking around will be very difficult for them. Imagine having 500 pound weights all over your body, and having to do everything like cleaning, cooking, and housework, it’s not that easy. Substitute the word “Should” for “Could”, it makes it seem like less aggressive. It sounds like you care a lot, and that’s amazing, but maybe try pulling back a little just to see how they cope. It may be hard, but it is their life, and they are in control of how they live it. An intervention could be an amazing thing, but it could also cause them to turn inwards more. I definitely think setting boundaries is a great thing, not just for the person in question, but also for you.
6 Likes
I can tell you, from personal experience, until they want to lose the weight, no one can change their mind. I had weight loss surgery this past February. I started at 468lbs. Yesterday was my 5 month post op, and I’m down 128lbs. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. My doctor tried to get me to do the surgery for years before this, and I refused to do it. But, then I was diagnosed with diabetes and high blood pressure. I have a young daughter. I didn’t want to die and leave her without a mother. So, I had the surgery. I’m already getting the saggy skin, and ya, it sucks. But saggy skin is better than all that fat. And eventually, you can get that skin removed. Those are just excuses your loved one is making. I think it’s really rude of you though, the be angry at this person. You need to remember, it’s THEIR life. Honestly, don’t help them. When it gets to be too much, they will get the help they need. There’s no reason for you to be angry with them and it’s not about being “lazy” as you put it. Your family member most likely doesn’t clean or do a lot because it physically hurts to move around. It hurt for me to walk through the grocery store. I had problems putting my damn shoes on. As soon as my feet hit that floor in the morning, I was in pain. I no longer have any of those issues, my health issues went away, and I just feel so good. But, your loved one needs to make that decision for themselves. You do NOT need an intervention. Yes, it is an addiction. It’s all mental though. I would stop making their life easier for them by helping out and let them make their own decision.
7 Likes
Food like drugs or alcohol is an addiction for some… unlike drugs or alcohol food can never be avoided and abstained from. You’re right that your family member is using everyone to their advantage… so the only way to not be used is to stop helping them. It sounds cruel and it may make things worse for them but that is what needs to happen. Hitting rock bottom and wanting to help yourself can only come from the addicted person. As a family member you are not obligated to enable them and can say NO and mean it. If or when they choose to help themselves you can then support them with boundaries. It is heartbreaking to watch and I hope you and your family can come together and make a decision.
6 Likes
You can’t make someone do something that they don’t want to do. The only control you have in this situation, is over your time, energy and resources. As hard as it is to say no to someone you love, it is possibly the only thing that you can do.
5 Likes
You can’t change another person. Stop. You might be able to get the person to see a therapist but only if the person is willing to change. If you really can’t stand the person in her or his Condition stay away. Your anger and stress isn’t helping anyone. I would stop being an enabler. Kids can’t help anymore. You can’t. Let them get to the point of despair and then maybe they’ll be willing to see a therapist or and doctor
4 Likes
You have offered assistance multiple times and they have turned you down each time. Let it go and/or maybe ask yourself why you can’t accept that they are not at the point of being motivated to change.
4 Likes
I think a lot of people here are missing the point… OP feels their family is being taken advantage of, and there must be a reason for that. You are fully entitled to refuse to help and to say no if their requests are becoming too demanding, regardless of their weight. You have your own life and family to worry about, and there is only so much you can do to help people, family or not. No one is under any obligation to help anyone unless it is a legal duty of care as their guardian, which is not the case here.
3 Likes
Enabling!!! Watch 600 lb life. This one is a no brainer. No one changes because someone told them to. Let this person hit rock bottom without help. Pain causes change. You have to back off completely from this situation if you care about this person and be strong through the whining and begging or cut off all contact for your own sake. This is NOT your responsibility. You and your kids are. Don’t walk away, run. Then, if this person chooses to live be supportive if it’s not harming you mentally or financially. Don’t put your kids through that. 
5 Likes
Mental illness is not laziness
11 Likes
I was never that obese but I had gastric band surgery. She knows her situation and probably feels defeated. She needs a good Dr. to talk with about options. Find a good Bariatric Center or Dr. She needs more care and help.
3 Likes
Are your kids complaining as well or is it just you? Maybe they like getting paid to help. If they don’t, they need to say no and move on.
4 Likes
Once I got great and simple advice from my Aunt. "Whos happiness is more important? " and then went on to explain If it is the other person then continue with supporting them and do not complain and live with your choice, if it is you (and in your case your kids) then do what you need to do to make that happen. That usually means distancing your self from the self destructive behavior of others. I have to do that 2 times in my life, and both times although hard at 1st it worked out for me and in one case the other person finally did hit rock bottom and turn her life around. But that is something that was only on her shoulders you can not do it.
3 Likes
This poor person needs professional help To confirm if it a medical problem, depression or plain overeating issue. It took my husband a five artery bypass to loose weight and change his eating habits.
2 Likes
First of all, stop helping this person if you feel they’re taking advantage because you’re enabling it. Maybe if things weren’t being done for this person they’d have no choice but to do it themselves, if not, that’s their choice.
Two, stop trying to interfere with this persons weight, it’s none of your business, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
Three, not everyone is over weight because they’re depressed or because they’re lazy, sometimes they just like cake (like me) x
1 Like
Sounds like you obviously care but simple fact is you cant control what someone does you can only control things you do or say. You have to accept them and their decisions or get away from that person. You cannot make them do what you want. If that person wants to change they will do it on their own terms. If later on they ask for help be the first to jump in. Otherwise just be there and love them best you can.
1 Like
Just pray for a new mind set.
I lost two sisters to weight loss surgeries. And other family have two or three weight loss surgeries and still can control their eating habits. I my self struggle but I keep at it . you have to remember it’s hard for some to do this…
I do believe you sincerely want to help this family member out of love for them but I also believe you are enabling them. Maybe a bit of tough love is what is called for here.
I know that you’re trying to help, but honestly it isnt your life so just let them live. Id probably be pretty frustrated too if they’re always asking for help but just dont do it; dont answer their calls
Personal experience here, my immediate family. This is the way they want to live and enjoy it. They do not want to change. Think about what you are willing to contribute time wise. Only offer your time when it is convenient for you and only in the amount of time you want to offer. Let them hire outside (of the family) help beyond what you are willing to. Try to enjoy time with them doing normal family things. Just don’t let them try to consume you with their needs and the excuse that “ well I pay you, so do it when I want”.
Everyone one dies lol if they are happy leave them alone and stop being so judgmental. People say stupid crap like this to me all the time guess what it does? Makes me more depressed and withdrawn and makes me crave comfort guess what my comfort happens to be… FOOD! Leave them alone if they are happy and don’t care then you shouldn’t care. Everyone dies it happens… a woman I’ve known my whole life that was perfectly healthy and is now dying of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I would much rather die of a heart attack which is much quicker than the 4 heartbreaking weeks I’ve been watching her deteriorate and see her in constant pain pleading to die…
1 Like
Back off. Stop trying to control their behavior and stop doing the things that make you and your kids feel enslaved to them. Very simple. You might want what is best for them but you need to let them live their own life. Stop trying to control them. They know what they should do.
If they have Lipedema, it is a downward spiral without proper diagnosis early on… and it isn’t their fault… and it is painful which causes less activity which causes depression which causes regular obesity on top of Lipedema. They do need help and they pay, so serve in love- it isn’t taking advantage unless they are being overly demanding and not paying. The things they don’t want… ask if you can donate them to a cause you might know of in your community and ask if you can recycle the boxes. Or, maybe you can earn 10-20 percent by returning them for them or holding a garage sale… that’s a win win.
1 Like
Mind your own business and separate yourself from the situation. Watch my 600lb life and you’ll understand that I tilt he individual decides to change no amount of poking and prodding can make the change for them. They have to want it. Very sad for sure.
However hard it may be, you can only help someone who WANTS to be helped.
Until they hit a breaking point, they won’t change. Unfortunately that might be too late.
I wish you and then the best of luck
I woukd start by going to a councler yourself. They can help you get to the bottom of your feelings and point you in a direction that wouod be best for you, your family and your loved one. If you want to make a change its always best to become your best self and often other will follow.
My advice is to tell them your family will not be helping them anymore, because you are enabling them to do nothing. Then STOP feeling guilty. You have done enough.