As someone who deals with this at my job a lot, we can tell them about dietary needs, medications and even show them things to help but it comes down to them to act on it. Wonderful you care about this family member and I’d continue to support he/she but you cant help people who dont want to be helped
You did your due diligence. If they do not want to help themselves, that’s on them. You can’t force somebody to adopt a completely different lifestyle. If they do not see their own health as an issue and have no motivation to do the work, that family member would just be put back in the same position even if they had a gastric bypass or liposuction.
Possibly get in touch with adult protection services in your area. Discuss with them the problem and act accordingly.
We each have choices in life. If they have chosen this life style. ,So be it. You need to set your boundaries. But nicely.
Why not ask to go to their next Dr. Appt? Then ask Dr that this person needs someone to come in to help with meals ( CNA) and light personal duties. May request a dietitian. and let Dr know they showing depression! Or call apical services and let them know you are concern for their health. Maybe they can go visit family member. Good luck. Praying for you and member
You sound incredibly judgemental, so I’m guessing that is what is coming across to your family member as well. You also sound selfish. Which is also probably what they are reading in your actions. Years of having people make you feel bad, feel judged, feel shamed… and then you’re not supposed to be bitter and angry and give up??? I have a pet unicorn I can sell you. It costs as much as what you’ve let your family member pay you. Either support them with an open heart and no judgement, or stop. Right now, all you’re doing is making everyone involved feel awful
I have a friend who is a hoarder and it’s pretty much the same situation. Calling them names helps no one. Getting mad is useless. Help them when you can because you love them…otherwise it’s their life. It’s not for you to judge. Draw the line when you feel uncomfortable and be honest with them.
Forgive me I only read about half of what you wrote. But I don’t understand why you’re so angry at this person. If this person had any other disability other than being overweight would you still be angry at them for the same things? You’re less likely to help them because their disability is being overweight? A lot of the time it comes from depression, sometimes from medical problems but all of the time , none of your business if they don’t wish to tell you. Perhaps you should consider why you’re so angry and just be compassionate. Trust me overweight people know that they are overweight lecturing to them it’s not going to help.
1 Like
Nothing you can do. Your concern is lovely but they have to want to change.
You have to stop I would not let my kids do it let them hire a housekeeper it is strictly hard watching a family member not help them selves you’ve done all you can it’s time to step back
1 Like
There’s not much u can do, do get help they have to help them.selves first before they accept any help from anyone else and if they dont want to, then let them live there life the way they want cause if they don’t want to change for them.self they won’t change for anyone
Time for an honest conversation with your family member. Explain that her choices are effecting your family and its has to come to an end. You don’t not have to cut her off just cut her back. Well that’s my advice for what it’s worth. Good luck.
As long as your helping there is no need for them to change. Your in a very tough situation. Hopefully they will try to lose some weight and feel better. And realize life would be so much better for them. I would just stop or maybe offer to make healthy meals for them.
You sound so nice. Lol. You’re mad about other stuff. You have your issues, they have theirs. Removing yourself may be good for your blood pressure and their lives. Taking advantage of, but paying the kids? Hmmm. Or you are trying to teach your kids that helpful isn’t helpful. Lol. You’re no doctor, it sounds like. Leave your family member alone, Bully. I love my family and treat them accordingly no matter what.
I read this as very judgmental. There are many reasons why this person may be overweight.
Laziness may well be a part of it but it’s very unlikely that it’s the whole story.
Would you have the same issues with a family member smoking or drinking too much? They are less visible issues but no less damaging
Long story… you can always say no. Your children can say no. I wouldn’t want any anger or resentment around me. Maybe take a break and have space for both of you 
Tough love… in reality you aren’t helping them help themselves so line in the sand for them to get help for themselves
I think it would help them to say it is your turn to take care of yourselves because it is good for you to take responsibility for you and your family!
I wouldn’t even call this laziness anymore, this seems more of a hidden trauma that they’ve been repressing or could be a combination of trauma with bad habits and no self esteem. It’s probably been building up over years to the point where they feel “ what’s the point of starting now” definitely would recommend a therapist
You can contact adult protective services if they are in danger in any way. This is not something they can really control because it’s a mental health issue.
Walk away and let them deal with their own issues. Use the extra time to do something YOU want to do (new hobby, family game night, pamper the dog, etc) instead of enabling someone’s illness. They’ll survive or they won’t, it’s not your responsibility 
How are your kids being taken advantage of by being paid? You do not help people by being so pushy and judgmental, and if they are suffering from depression, there is not much you can do from the outside.
I would try to get her to a doctor so she can be taken care of properly. It could be more than an eating problem. Perhaps a friend can bring up the problem so you don’t have to be part of it.
Just because a lot of people struggle with their weight due to medical reasons, does not mean that lazy people do not exist. You do not know this person, for all you know they could just be LAZY. OP has every right to be upset, and it’s obviously not because they’re ‘embarassed’, it’s because they and everyone else in the family is being taken advantage of! If they are that obese and it they did have a medical condition, then they should be getting help from a disability service, not expecting their family to bend over backwards for them!
Depression is a harsh mistress. Anyone who is that heavy and practiced that much retail therapy is definitely depressed. There are loving ways to help, without being dragged into the abyss. Limit your time with notice…offer to take them to see a Counselor, you can figure out how to help in ways that might be more help than just a “to do” list. Above all, be kind. It’s really scary and hard and awful to feel like you are all alone in this mess.
I was always taught, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want the help. If this person doesn’t see a problem with the way they live they will not change, they won’t want to get help. It sucks because you want to help them become a healthier person so they live longer and experience more but until they are ready for that move themselves it won’t ever happen. So I hope you can come to terms with their own decisions.
You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. Period. In that, set boundaries for yourself. You can say no to their requests, don’t let them make you feel bad or try and pay you to do things for them. If they want to pay someone to help you they can do that. That’s not your job. Love them and care for them but don’t push solutions onto them or baby them either.
Wow you think what she is saying is Rude ? The first time you said something about her weight to her was when you became the issue . I bet her whole life people have been “ trying to help her Loose weight “ . I think you need to educate yourself .
They need mental health help first before tackling the weight. Guarantee they had some huge trauma that they don’t talk about and probably blame themselves for. That’s not lazy. That’s a serious problem that they can’t just up and fix themselves.
Unfortunately advice isn’t going to be taken you need to stop helping them as much as it will suck and hurt but by helping your enabling them to stay in that environment without consequences.
Until they want to do a change in health habit, there is nothing that you can do to make them change their ways. Help them when it is important like medical attention but you are not going to be able to force them to change.
You can’t make someone change . They are going to have to be willing to change on their own. You cannot have expectations from someone who is mentally unstable and who needs help. What might seem like laziness to you is actually something crippling for them . It is easier to say these things than to actually do them.
You know something, you can’t change anyone unless they want to change. I went through all that with my sister. Being a diabetic, she just could not commit to a portion size diet. I am the same somewhat but can control it much better. My blood sugars are a little higher then they should be. 200 in the mornings. If my knees are bad and I need to use the electric cart at the store, I will. If I can walk I make myself walk. My sister to would ask you to get her a glass of water , or got to the car and get her purse. Things that she could do for herself, those extra steps alone would be something better then jousting there and having her kids get this or get that. We were twins and at 58 she passed away. My father was a lot the same, we lost him at 48. He worked as a truck driver. Sometimes you just can only do so much. Feel good knowing you did your best to help. Don’t allow your kids to go there and work anymore. If you enable your family they will never take care of themselves. Stop doing…
You don’t have control over them. Let it go. If they aren’t paying enough, your kids can give advanced notice and quit. There is NOTHING you can do that you haven’t already done. No one can burden you unless you let them. Dont feel obligated, you have your own life. This goes for any type of disability a relative may have. You just said they have money to shop so they likely can afford to hire someone other than your kids. If you feel bad about not helping anymore, help them with one thing, keep your mouth shut, AND LET IT GO.
Although you a worried it is truly none of your business. You kids can always say no if they don’t want to do it. Because they want the money they are CHOOSING to help your relative. You can push, cajole, and brow beat all you want. Studies have shown that doesn’t help. The relative has to want to lose weight because THEY want to, not because you are bullying them into it.
1 Like
Ever thought it isn’t just greed & laziness but maybe an addiction to food !!! . Takes a long time for addicts to get help if at all.
1 Like
It time to let it go. Tell them you love them ,but this has to stop . This is not laziness it a health problem if they dont want to get help it there fault. Vut remember you have done everything you can do .
You can’t force them. You’ve said what you feel and they’ve heard you. As someone who has family who chose drugs and alcohol over me my whole life and as someone who is fat and is trying to do better I am saying that you need to start saying more. Let them know that you care about them and you won’t continue to do favors for them. If they start to make changes you’ll be happy to help and come back in their life but if it’s bothering you that much then you need to take a step back from them. Don’t disappear completely still call or text them and make it clear you’re not just leaving them but make it clear you’re not going to be their work horse anymore
Noone else will help them!!! Does that not tell you something ???
you are enabling there behaviour.
That doesn’t mean dont love them just stop doing everything for them, let them fend for themself if they can’t they will need to ring for help and they will hopefully realise they need help in more ways then 1.
Stop Stop judging them I could for you and it’s not good for them I agree you set time limits and don’t go past them There are places that can help but they 1st need to want to help but if they don’t Want the help there’s nothing you can do except for pray for them for .but I do encourage you not to judge just make your timeline with them and stick to it with them
This woman is asking for help and advice not for all you trolling hags to pick her status/story apart… instead of being horrible just offer advice or scroll on.
It’s none of your buisness. Yes, this person is family, but it’s not your body.
So, here’s my two cents. I too have someone with this kind of weight problem in my immediate family. A weight problem like this goes far beyond being overweight. It’s emotional as well as physical. It’s not going to change anytime soon. It’s not going to change without a lot of work on their part and then may not be capable of doing that much work. It’s heart breaking to watch someone you love go through this, especially when you know what the outcome will be for them. Do what you are comfortable doing. Set boundaries so you don’t feel caught up in the drama of the other person’s life. Treat them with love and respect. Point them to other resources. Take care of yourself. No one else can do that.
You are such a passionate person who is too involved with your loved ones obese problem! You are placing judgement on someone who has a true food addiction which is extremely hard and painful for that person to overcome!!! I would suggest you study setting healthy boundaries and get some counseling on how to handle your anger towards your loved one who really can’t stop overeating! You clearly don’t understand addiction so in order for to emotionally deal you needs some! Hope you don’t take offense to what I said I just can see your love and anger and want you to be in peace with your family❣️
Tell your relative that enough is enough and that you can’t help them any more. You need family time which means more to you than them paying your family to work for them during time off. You’ll help them find carers - or whatever they need - but you and your family can’t drop everything to tend to their needs any longer. It sounds as though you’re fed up with being taken for granted and expected to drop everything at a moment’s notice because your relative knows you care and isn’t shy about manipulating you and your family. Stop the rot now; tell your family and your relative of your decision and make it clear it’s not up for negotiation.
So first off, this post seemed to be more worried about how their weight causes you problems more than causing them problems in which I can say, if you don’t like it don’t talk to them. Secondly, it’s great that you care about them and have concerns for their health but you will never change someone… They can only change themselves and you reminding them about it probably makes it worse. Weight gain and mental health issues/ depression go hand it hand and instead of being encouraging you’re taking it to them in a way that probably makes them depressed and eat more. People don’t understand the difference and how it plays such a role on our motivation. You’re worried? BE ENCOURAGING. Don’t fucking tell them they’re going to die and blablabla. Look at them and say “listen, I get it’s hard but I am right here for you every step of the way. Only you can change this and you got this!” Cuz I’m not going to lie, you sound like a grade A selfish bitch. I’m not saying you are one but I can definitely see why you wanted this post anonymous.
First of all… Try to let go of being angry. It won’t help them, or you. Second, it sounds more like there’s a mental health issue happening, and they need to see a psychologist, not a dietician. They probably don’t enjoy their situation either, and pressure from people who don’t get it will only make it worse. Let go of anger and resentment & approach with love. Don’t make it about weight. Make it about helping them find their way back to their best self.
So I’m confused. This person is being called lazy. The post says they can’t even leave the house. Yet the post says they have quite a lot of money to buy stuff online and can pay the kids to help our but will refuse to use said money for treatments to help them with their obesity… Does this person have a job? Work from home? Or on disability? If they do have a job then I don’t know how they could be considered lazy. And if they don’t have a job and are on disability then obviously they have a medical condition that has been considered serious enough to be on disability. Yet the poster wants to call them lazy and complain. I think we need to know more of the story. A lot of the story is missing and mostly focuses on the person posting as opposed to the person they are posting about. It seems very one sided. We need to hear both sides in all fairness.
1 Like
You’re not selfish, you just don’t want to be an enabler. Tell them if they get help, you will run errands and clean but unless they do their part, they are on there own
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. Maybe some tough love? Don’t allow your children to clean for them, etc.
I’m sorry for you and your family’s experiences, the help you’re offering and trying Overboard to get them to receive you may need I can hear in your comments the exhaustion,and wear and tear affect it has taken a toll on those who love and care, sorry I would be remiss to say that he’s aware of what he’s doing disrupting other members of the family’s life with intent for attention as a means of you suffering too, One thing you and your family must establish that you can’t carry the weight of the World on your shoulders it’s his weight to bare, Some people have a death wish leaving you to share and bare the burden or blame it’s just that simple not telling you to give up on him pray for him let go and let God! I’m praying with you keep loving him, hoping and continually praying for a possible positive change! May God forever bless you and your family!!!
1 Like
Only your relative can decide if and when they want to adopt a healthier lifestyle. It’s not about willpower. It’s a symptom of something deep inside them that is hurting or unresolved. They may have PTSD. Not your decision. You can offer support but if things have gotten ugly in the past, it’s time to back off. It’s clear that you have no understanding of the obesity issue.
Just love them…unconditionally. if they don’t want help…that is their choice. They are not stupid. They may be paralyzed by depression or the size of the problem. Until they are feeling strong enough to face the issue, the only thing you can do is be supportive. Doesnt mean you have to taken advantage of. Set healthy boundaries. Hard but necessary. May have to love them from a distance for awhile. Good luck, not easy when you love someone. Healthy detachment, stop enabling. No judging, be neutral look after you too!
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want help.
You’ve tried time and time again to help, they have an issue with every solution. Get on with your life, visit once a month, you can’t help them . The only person that can help them is them, so stop enabling them and get on with your life.
It’s sad to watch. But you have done all you can.
If it bothers you that much then I’d say to have a chat with them about hiring a caregiver to help them out so you and your kids can just be around for normal fun visits.
Person needs to take responsibility for themselves. Back off. Don’t be so available…
Your family have their own lives to lead. …
Obesity is a disease .Not a choice if u don’t want to help them don’t that’s your choice but it’s not that easy to overcome offer a medical dr number and stepaside.
Maybe social services or some sort of agency for senior citizens could help. The shopping and not returning unwanted items is not a good sign either. This person must have lots of frustration and depression.
It’s not your battle. Everyone has to get tired of the current life they are living in order to change. And some simply do not get tired of it. If it bothers you that much I would suggest limiting your contact. I could never imagine being mean or insulting to any of my overweight family or friends. If they complain to me about it just to complain I simply say stop it. If they genuinely ask for help , I help. If they are content… I Let Them Be And Love on Them .
Truthfully…mind ya business. You and yours aren’t turning down the $ for cleaning. Who are you to ridicule others and post their business on social media?
2 Likes
Honestly if they don’t care why should you your getting angry at something you can’t control just let people live the way they want and stop ur kids from going over there so they don’t learn bad habits
Stop the children from doing the household chores for them. It is their choice to not get up & do it. You know they have money to pay for medical help, so it is their choice to do what they are doing. Nothing you can say will help until THEY want to change…
I never understand when people fat shame or are Fat phobic.
Telling someone to lose weight in any case when you are not their doctor is rude, I understand caring for this person but the part about it becoming ugly is on you!
This person is paying your children to clean, they could offer money to other people, maybe they thought the children wanted extra cash. You want to set boundaries about when you want to help is one thing, but what you are saying is your mad they are disabled and can’t do it themselves.
You don’t have to be at beck and call, that was a choice you made, it sounds like they become defensive because because this is the only thing you talk about and can become exhausting.
If you still want to help tell them days of the week you can come, you can set your boundaries without shaming and being mean.
It’s a deadly addiction and should be approached and treated as such.
I wS 125 lbs until my body said nope. This is how its gojng to be. Its not being lazy. It’s not overeating. In this case its just tge body trying to survive. At 25 I was still in the normal range. Then surgeries and the body responds. Now im 70 and 325 lbs. Its not from being lazy. Its not from laying on thd sofa eating chips. Its from a body just trying to be. Im done with all the body shame ing love yourself for who you are. Don’t listen to the negative and just be kind.
1 Like
First Step: STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU! Not once did you make it about your family member.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON! Have you thought about that?
It DISGUSTS me to listen/read about your SELF INDULGENCE!
This family member needs some help. What help…well that is up to those a whole lot more than many of us can answer. However, YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON THIS FAMILY MEMBER IS GOING TO LISTEN TOO.
You will need to figure out what resources are available and ask the professionals to guide you.
YOU NEED NOT TO BE JUDGEMENTAL BY CALLING THIS PERSON LAZY!
Stop enabling them…its hurting them. it will be hard…but you have to stand back and check on them by calling them
Your need to control seems pretty excessive. Your relative chose to pay to do the things they are not comfortable doing. If you don’t want your children to be paid helpers, have your relative hire someone else andMYOB.
The more my husband nagged about my weight, the more I ate behind his back.You cannot do it for them. They will do it when the time is right for them. If not love them the way they are.
As someone who was nearly 400lbs 3 years ago: If you’ve hit this point, stop helping. To a point repeatedly helping because no one else is really walks a fine line between help and enabling continuing behavior. You can love someone and still set hard boundaries. Ultimately they have to choose to change themselves, you can’t do it for them.
Let them know there will be no more cleaning their house, paid or not, and you will not be available to be at their beck and call. At the end of the day you have to set the boundaries and be the one to keep them, though. While it seems like it may be backwards, it also sounds like you need a professional to talk to to help you navigate your feelings and ways to set boundaries in a healthy way.
The person who wrote this of a family member should be utterly ashamed the person has no respect or manners look at your own self before judging any body else
It’s not laziness - it’s total depression and despair. That person is at the bottom of a deep dark hole and you’re nagging them to death. Find them a good doctor and start there.
Are they obese because of a medical reason, food addiction? The reason why I ask is because one thing leads to another thing and so on and so forth to where the person feels entitled from dwelling on on the reasons of avoiding self confrontation and wanting the help. And then the doing things for them is an act of service, but at the same time, enabling the behavior. I’d put my foot down and limit the amount of time you invest with them. The more self reliance, they’re either going to get upset with you first, or upset with themselves. Sounds like this person means alot to you. But your time is valuable too and they need to know and understand this. There is alot of layers when it comes to addiction including other addictions, I think therapy would be a good idea to help them. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope that a solution is found.
It is very important that the person be seen by a qualified physician. What we term laziness might have a physical illness basis.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind .tell them.straight that you cannot help them anymore and nor can your children .you have to be tough on yourself by saying no .I am doing a protein shake twice a day and make sure that I do no more than 900 calories a day and I am excersizing .maybe they feel stuck in a rut. But you can say unless you help yourself we are no longer helping you.
listen if you dont want to help anymore thats fine but its not your place to hound them about their weight…you have voiced your concerns now its time to let it go
Old saying of, cant help someone that isnt will to help themselves.
They will seek help when they feel ready for it. You cant force someone to get help.
It’s a state of mind, and until they choose to change that state, there is nothing you can do. You, the kids and your family could of course refuse to do anything for them
Number one quit telling them that they are fat obese and overweight because if they know, two I’m sure they feel bad asking for help having someone come over and look at their messy house and have to do errands for them because they cannot. And 3 if they are unwilling to help or change themselves you need to leave them alone do not tell them they’re fat do not help them clean their house and do not help them get groceries they’ll have to figure out how to do it on their own. Sometimes the best way to help a family member is to leave
If you’re being paid you’re not being taken advantage of. You can say no if you’re busy or don’t want to help. Your inability to assert a boundary for what you’re willing to do does not mean they’re taking advantage of you. If you been trynna convince them for years to change and they don’t want to? Leave it alone. Help them or dont but take accountability for your actions don’t blame them because you keep saying yes
I personally say mind your own effing business. Back off.
You have absol no idea what sort of mental health difficulties could be behind this and your attitude is toxic.
You can lead a horse to water but that doesn’t mean it will necessarily drink. Their life , their choice. Some people are addicted to tobacco (me) , some alcohol, etc. They’re probably addicted to food. Nothing you can do or say. That’s their choice.
Don’t take on the pain and struggle of others except your own children. Imo you’re investing too much of your valuable time and energy in this. Stop having your kids help them. Maybe they will be forced to help themselves. Either way its not your problem.
Do you know every time the look down look in the mirror or have a shower get dressed and undressed they know what size they are they don’t need telling
If you don’t want to help then just stay away
I feel so sorry for them it’s awful feeling ashamed and in my opinion they also have mental health problems
They certainly don’t need someone asking what kind of funeral they want
And this is from an over weight lady xx god bless them x
Obesity is a disorder and it is extremely hard to change. Imagine being addicted to food, it’s something you can’t cut out as you need food in your life. My dad was morbidly obese and tried everything until surgery was the only option. It sounds like this person is not ready to make drastic changes and if they aren’t ready to help themselves you cannot force them to be ready. Also try and consider the persons feelings as they have a relationship with food whether it is comfort or stress and you adding to that will not help. They know they are in trouble, more than anyone else. I would say you need to leave them be now and just love them and enjoy your life. One day they might wake up and say they want to change their life but if they don’t…. They shouldn’t be bullied into it. X
Just do what makes u happy. You can’t change someone else’s behaviour only ur own. Just live ur life. If that person dies early, that’s their choice. Step back from this person’s life. Live ur own.
They can always go to assisted living…there they are around others. Some might be in similar situation.
Stop offering help they obviously don’t need it, you are going to make yourself sick. People don’t change until they want to change…
Mind your own damn buisness its his or her own life and you dont have the right to give unwanted opinions or advice. Stop helping them with stuff they should do on thier own
I’d say by letting your kids clean up their shit your kinda enabling them to be lazy
If they wanna change they will you can scream ,do a dance ,beg ect but if they aren’t ready to change their not going to… It’s not your life stop trying to live it for them…
The amount of people attacking/on the offensive side towards the author of the post is insane. In the post they mention the individual is scary - have we not stopped to consider that maybe this individual is a bully and manipulative/controlling? The author of this post is sympathetic (there is perspective given towards the matter and has gone to great lengths to assist the family member) towards the other but is just expressing how it has affected their lives which understandably can be frustrating. In the world today people are managing to justify absolutely everything - what the other person is going through is not okay. Taking post at face value and assuming no trauma or event occurred that lead to these habits then its purely due to laziness/bad lifestyle. If they don’t want help, best is to step back for the time being. Always be on call if they urgently need help though.
Have you contacted social services. If this person is unable to care for themselves, possibly they need intervention, someone to step in legally.
The overweight person has to make the decision to change. Pray for them , and show them love.
You are to emotionally involved.
Brow beating will get you nowhere it and won’t help the relationship!
Stop making suggestions if you can prepare some low calorie meals and snacks.
If you’re children agree to run errands at a agreed price let them do it, the same for house cleaning.
Pray for your relative and yourself. Focus on corrections you need to make in your life, help where you can then keep it moving.
If you posted this in AITA, I would say ABSOLUTELY you are. It seems to me that you don’t KNOW that this person is just lazy, but, that you’re perceiving them to be and you’re coming in ready to judge. So, my advice is to- 1) stop pretending that your opinion holds value.
2) figure out what else is stressful in your life that you’re taking out at this person
3) most importantly STFU and stop being garbage.
As a person who once gained lots of weight from medication I was put on/heard from EVERYONE about how I need to start “making better choices” etc. those statements leave emotional scars. I have relatives that made comments that I’ve never forgiven. So, stop being that asshole. Really really. You’re not gonna help. You’re gonna cause that relative to rightfully have a lower opinion of you as a person.
P. S. fuck you
Like the saying goes…
‘You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink’
They have to WANT to change!
If everyone around them is helping them, they are getting what they want/need.
Good luck!
You might want To go a different direction and be too busy for them. Your kids deserve it.
Wow. Just, wow. What an intolerant ass.
Educate yourself as to the various physical and mental issues that can cause weight issues, not the least of which is insulin resistance caused by, wait for it…
The crap processed and DIET food and drink products contain added by the processors.
Obesity is NOT caused by laziness, but being obese can make the simplest things become difficult and even painful.
Your “loved” one may be obese, but you have a small, narrow mind and I feel sorry for your other “loved” ones. I hope none of them fall short of your personal ideals.
Just stop suggesting ways to lose weight! If she wants help she will seek help. Leave her be. If you love her accept her. It seems more like you don’t like obese people. It also seems that you are extremely upset because she won’t do what you want her to. It seems like you are a very controlling person. If you love her it should be unconditionally and It doesn’t sound like she is taking advantage of your kids if she is paying them.
Just let them live in their filth. They’ll eventually realize that THEY have to do something about their own situation.