Give them an ultimation (and stick to it) to get the help because y’all are stepping back…being there all the time is disabling them…some insurance companies are offering nutritional counseling now give the obese people list of services and their phone numbers from shopping to house cleaners and step back don’t be available…if you don’t then you are just playing a violin for sympathy
Instead of your kids cleaning, why don’t you think of a fun way to exercise at their house with them
Family members making fun of this person, is just making it worse.To the point, that they don’t care anymore.The bigger they get ,the worse it is going to be.There health is at risk,if not already.Its only going to get worse if they don’t get help,to solve there problem.They may be going through a depression or anything that caused them to gain a lot of weight.Nothing to make fun of that’s for sure.The more you do,the more they’ll want you to do.That won’t fix there problem.Theyll have to fix the problems inside of them,to fix the problems outside of them.People has to take baby steps,who they get to this point of obesity.Step one, find a doctor that works with cases like this.This is not a fix overnight.But people has to stop doing everything for them.If you don’t, they’ll never fix thereself.Someone has to get to the source of there problem,so they can live a normal life.God bless you,and prayers.
When they are ready they will do it. Right now I’d help try to find a professional they can talk to to find out why they don’t care.
Leave the person alone & stop judging them. I am overweight, and believe me, I am not lazy. I have had gastric bypass surgery & I still cannot lose weight. My MD’s think I have a benign tumor secreting hormones that are stimulating my appetite & not allowing weight loss. It is very frustrating. I used to be very thin, so I have seen it from both sides. You feel superior. It is very hard to lose weight. Especially if you take insulin. That makes you gain weight, yet we have to take it! Let the person pay someone to clean etc. Take care of your own issues. Of course this person knows they are overweight. You trying to shame them is only making them feel worse about themselves.
Do you KNOW that this person has the physical and mental ability to do what you think they should?
This is only an example, but I have chronic fatigue syndrome due to Sjogren’s disease, which has progressed over the decades from “I don’t want to go out and play, I’d rather play inside with my dolls” to “Sorry, kids, Mom just doesn’t have the energy to take you to the park” to hiring a housekeeper to make the bed and do the laundry.
On top of that, I developed severe iron deficiency anemia, despite being long past menopause. I was too tired most of the time to fix any meal more elaborate than Breakfast Essentials or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
What I’m saying is, make SURE to get him to a doctor, and ask the doctor to look for ANY underlying cause of his fatigie (not the obvious, that he’s obese, but WHY is he obese, really?)
If you live with them
I would donate all the bad food and if you cook for them I would refuse to cook for them and remind them if they don’t shape up it’ll take up to 3-4 strong men to change them when they go to the toilet in bed and shower they will lose mobility within a yr if they are over 500lbs and will be bed bound… idk but something has to wake them up plus I use to care for people who are over 600lbs it’s not fun and seeing them stuck in bed made me very sad
It’s a disorder and requires in-depth therapy including CBT, EMDR and so on!
Your approach is not going to work. I believe you have their best interests at heart, so here is my advice. Stop helping them today. You are enabling their behaviour. They are not going to change unless they want to, so no more “advice” either, it is just getting their backs up. It may be all true but they won’t hear you.
It’s funny how I’m sitting here reading the comments and everyone’s blaming the author. I think that she is really coming from a frustrated place and that if she walks away who’s going to help. Now we don’t know if there are other family members that are frustrated as well, but I will say she sounds like a loving and caring person. What I don’t see in the comments ARE other options for her relaying her concerns to her overweight family member without offending her. When you’re not the one that’s dealing with the situation directly from the inside looking out, then it’s easy to attack her for making I statements. So how do we change the I statements. If you’re telling someone they are wrong then come up with suggestions to make it right. When people are in their depression, they don’t see the world they just see themselves. They already know they are overweight and yes they don’t want to hear you tell them something that they already know, so don’t say it! Maybe the author can help her family member by not focusing on her weight but focusing on things they could do to get her out of the house and moving. As far as her spending money on meaningless things, they may mean nothing to you but they mean something to the person even if they set it to the side. Obviously there’s something really deep and mental going on with the family member that that the author is not going to be able to fix, so therefore it is best left up to the professionals and if the FM does not want to deal with the professionals then don’t send your kids back over there to clean up. Most of the time family members can be enablers. If the obese person cannot get up and go to the store themselves it is okay to bring them food, but bring them healthy food. Don’t cook it for them. Make them get out of the bed and go into the kitchen and prepare their own meals. Make them get out of the bed and clean up behind themselves. It’s the same with kids. The more you do for them the more lazy they will get and think that they are entitled to someone cleaning up behind them. Then they grow up to be lazy adults. While I do think your FM is lazy, I think that she needs mental help as well and she has to want to help herself. At this point I think you should back off. Tell the rest of the family to back off. The part about the funeral was a little harsh because no one knows the minute nor the hour they will leave this earth, and you just might go before your FM. What type of funeral or casket would you like? If you think your FM is putting themselves into an early grave, go ahead and take out life insurance on them. Just enough to bury her and nothing with bells and whistles!
I’m going to tell you this and please don’t take it the wrong way. This family member will not do anything unless they are ready to. It’s just like a drug addict. You can put them in rehab’s as many times as you want but they will not stop taking drugs unless they in their mind are ready to stop and get clean. It’s the same thing when I comes to weight issues. It’s their life and when they are ready to they will and if not that is their life choose to live it the way they want to. I know it’s sad but you can’t force anything on anyone.
1 Like
Eventually they will be paying your kids to wipe their butts too. As they continue to grow bigger butts become out of reach
Can you get this person to go to a doctor for a check up? When the doctor tells them they need to loose weight or they will die, it might scare them into loosing weight.
It’s an addiction. You can’t change the person… if you’re kids don’t mind being paid to help … let them.
Only the addict can make the decision to change. 
Food is an addiction just like alcohol, nicotine, drugs, sex, gambling, etc. But the problem herein lies with the fact that yes, eventually you can give up all those others thing but you can NEVER give up food! And being bombard daily with food commercials, fast food joints and now even UrberEats it’s almost impossible to not have cravings that have to be satisfied one way or another. You can stop helping your relative out but an addict will always find a way to get a “fix”. Do you think she enjoys being 500 lbs? You can either be there for her and try to get educated on this addiction or you can keep going to social media to get all the sympathy you want.
Stop helping them. Make them do it their self or they will never change. Just walk away even if it hurts you, it will help them
With the amount of me me me in that question I’m not surprised in the slightest that they don’t want your help.
I’ll give you some really good advice, if you truly want to help this person out, try making it about something other than their weight! This person is well and truly aware of their weight issues, more so than you and your family actually 
Help them by actually treating them like a person with feelings, keep your frustration to yourself which is easier said than done. If depression is a serious issue, exactly how do you feel that telling someone they are going to die is even slightly helpful?
I believe you genuinely think you’re trying to help, but with all the things you mentioned, my guess is you and your family are unintentionally making the situation worse not better. Maybe start by getting the family to include this person in some regular activities based on what they are capable of and like to begin with, not designed around weight loss or health to begin with. Make a person actually feel like they have worth and you’ve already started down the right path.
If this family member lives with you, instead of talking about diets and food regularly, come up with a way to start eating healthier all together with slow and unnoticeable changes to begin with, it’s surprising how many families/partners expect one person to change their habits instantly while everyone else continues on as normal, it just becomes another way this person is made to feel isolated from the people around them.
Always keep one thing in the back of your mind, no matter how much effort you think your helping is taking, it takes far more effort and pain for them to exert themselves far less.
Most larger people already think they’re being stared at and judged by everyone they cross paths with, unfortunately in most cases they are absolutely right too unfortunately.
You will not change this person. It is great that you want to help, but you are coming from a different world than what this person is in.
I have been overweight my entire life. It is not simply a someone tells you to lose weight and you do it thing. Even when you yourself want to do it, it can still be extremely difficult - and this family member of yours has hundreds of pounds more to worry about than I do so it’s got to be even harder. You constantly talking to them about needing to lose weight, that they’re going to die, so on and so forth is definitely not helping. With some people that might have but if it hasn’t worked by now, it’s not going to work and all you’re doing is making a more hostile environment unnecessarily. Just like with any other person with a need for therapy or an addiction or anything like that, they are not going to go and not going to get help unless they truly want to. The comments about surgery are probably made cuz that person has watched one of those shows and seen how hard it is and they don’t think that they can do that. If you no longer want your kids to clean this person’s house, make sure you give them a couple of weeks notice so that they can find somebody willing to do it. You need to treat this family member like they have an illness because they do. It sounds like they have depression which may or may not be leading to what sounds like a hoarding disorder as well.
If you really want to help this person, lay off. Come to the realization that they may be like this for the rest of their lives and that their lives might be shorter because of it. If you care for this person, be supportive in a positive way - which means stop telling them they are going to die because, they already know that. Every person who is overweight knows that they are not doing their health any good by being so but it is not a simple light switch change.
You aren’t a psychologist or doctor. You won’t help at all until the route of their issues is helped.
Heck. Let them create an only fans and make some bank and let them do what they want.
You are saying you don’t like. I’m sure they don’t like a lot of things about you. While yes it’s unhealthy and bad for them. They are content. FYI most can’t get the surgery anyways until they are under 500lbs and even then they want them to loose 40-60 lbs and talk with doctors and be proactive before the surgery
Leave them alone. End if day it’s their body, their choice.
At that weight there’s not a lot they can do about it without help. Services should be involved but I’m guessing this is American and that’s not a simple statement.
How about “LEAVE THEM ALONE!” If you don’t like their lifestyle, walk away or don’t look.
This is not about THEM, it’s about YOU.
Let it go.
Once they pay for housecleaning, it isn’t up to you to decide what extent that should be.
You’re the asshole.
ease up on the enabling- depending on age?adult allianceor a protective service
If they don’t have a problem with themselves why do you?
They have to want it to do it. You can’t help someone who doesn’t wanna help their self!!!
3 Likes
That’s 226 kg. How does a person even breathe like that? I got to 65 kg when I was pregnant and I could barely do the stairs 
Perhaps telling them that all family help stops until they agree to get the much needed help. Offer to even help them find someone they can trust and give rides when needed. May not accept offer at first, but after getting no help will likely be willing to finally want to accept your offer. It’s tough love which will be hard for you to stay with but remember for their best interest and stick to your guns. Just my suggestion. Try if wish to.
1 Like
Unfortunately you cant help someone who doesnt want help. You will exhaust yourself and family trying to do it all for them. Good luck!!
They have to want to help themselves your not helping the matter.
Read “codependent no more” helpful book for these types of situations
Stop helping. Tell you love them. But your not going to enable anymore
#bottomline
I am sure nagging her all the time about her weight isn’t very help ful.
Stop helping and mean it until they help themself first
Sounds like that person is battling severe depression.
1 Like
You kind of need to mind your own business
They have to do for themselves,and want to do it themselves.
Their choice, cant help someone until they want to help themselves
It’s their life if you don’t wanna help don’t help if you don’t want your kids to help don’t let them but you can’t run their life for them
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.
You are their enabler. Stop helping 
Put them on my 600lb life. Dr. Now will make them feel like shit about themselves so they change lol 
Mind your own business. Look for the flaws in yourself and fix those.
4 Likes
Ask if they would be willing to talk to a therapist
You cannot save someone from themselves. Quit trying.
You can’t help those who won’t help themselves… distance yourself if you can’t pity them
Seems like manipulative behavior to me.
First, “losing weight” isn’t simple. That type of health issue is most likely loaded with emotional pain mixed in with other physical ailments. Your family member needs treatment for both if they are to see any success. And frankly, you’re only making it worse.
Second, you need to take care of yourself. There is no law obligating you to suffer on another’s behalf so step back and center yourself.
You stepping away is probably the best solution for both of you. You clearly are unhappy with the situation, and your frustration is coming out as emotional abuse to your family member. You aren’t helping, you’re codependent and toxic. And please stay away till 1) you find your joy again, and 2) helping your family comes from a place of love. Being a caretaker myself, I know how hard it is, but it’s doable. Don’t let your frustration toxify the relationship any further. Because if it continues, your family member will most likely get worse.
Unfortunately you cannot help sombody who doesn’t want to be helped. You can tell that you love this family member a great deal by how passionate you are about their situation. As harsh as it may seem you need to step back, for yourself and your loved one. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I hope this situation resolves for you all when your family member is ready to accept they have an issue and they want to seek help x
They have a mental health issue. Maybe multiple. A behavioral health therapist would be a good starting point. But the person has to be willing to have the help
you are already hurting them by enabling their behavior and excuses… stop immediately, do not allow you children to clean their home and stop visiting… you are making their problem yours and it’s not about you, it’s about them and their issues… its called tough love… sometimes they have to hit the proverbial wall before they wake up and you are prolonging the inevitable… back off and let them help themselves
1 Like
I understand your concern but you can’t force a way of life on someone that doesn’t want it. It’s sad and painful but if they truly are burdening your life you have every right to pull away from it. But you can’t bully them into living a certain way no matter how right you think you are. Do what’s best for yourself and your life and focus on only that
Everything you and your family are doing for them is called enabling, cut that shit off 100% and don’t go back until they’ve made some serious changes. It may seem cruel but if your whole family can cut them off and stick to it y’all might be able to save their life in the long run, or all the things y’all do for them won’t get done and they’ll suffer and wallow in laziness, filth, and misery until they die
One can not be helped if they are not willing to help themselves. For your own mental health you need to stop trying to persuade them to change. Love them and leave them to handle their own problems.
You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped. It’s that simple. They have to want it themselves. Like they say, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
It simply is none of your business.
Get a grip. If they want to pay your kids to help them around the house let them or not. They can just hire a cleaning service.
If you don’t want to help, then don’t. It isn’t your life. Sounds like you’ve expressed what you want for their live too much already.
Stop enabling, stop doing everything for them and stop the kids from doing it.
DO arrange a mental health wellness check.
DO talk to their doctor as a concerned family member.
DO talk to them about hiring a cleaning service as family will no longer be doing it.
DO encourage them to start going for a walk with you in the evening even just a block to start. Get them out of the house and just talk. Flowers, weather, animals but lay off using the words fat, weight, lazy, etc
DO arrange an outing: walk through a park & a picnic, getting a haircut, go to a market, something positive.
I was 337 had new knees.then needed back surgery lost 70.had surgery need to loos more.i am still trying.it is hard to do.i will say I feel a lot better.they will have to want to do it or you already know what’s next.prayers
All they want to do is spend money!
Because of they weight & BMI, they automatically qualify for weight loss surgery…You have to make a appointment with their primary care doctor to get the process started… You have to go with them to the appointment to make the doctor aware everything that has been going on…
On a mental note, they mite feel like they done tried everything to loose weight & nothing has change, they mite be at a point where they finally said fuck it & gave up trying…
They don’t want to be alive, this type doesn’t want to be alive. That is why they don’t take care of themselves or their environment. They have given up and are awaiting death. You can’t fix them. Call adult protective services and pray for the best.
I don’t think you’re in any way helping the cause. You’re probably doing more harm than good.
Ok one you are wrong for telling them they are going to die and even talking that way to them. Two, telling them to clean their house in sections when they are that overweight is a challenge. Calling them lazy is no motivation, being that overweight can take a huge toll on the body. Ok being in morbidly obese myself, I can sure depression can play a huge part. They probably tried to loose weight and can’t. You can’t do an intervention and not continue to help and make them feel degraded. How are you going to intervene when you have this attitude about it? Cause you will still need to help them while the intervention is going on. You need to find a way to be firm and let them know they need to get help, and also let them know you’ll be supportive during the help. But also tell them you can’t keep doing this without some help from their end. Please note you can’t change a person or force a person to change. All you can do is try.
1 Like
I only read the first part before stopping, stop doing all these things for this person, you’re enabling them and stop trying to talk them into getting healthy, it won’t work, they will only do these things when they truly want to.
Codependents Anonymous meetings online or in person… You are suffering because of someone else’s addiction and need help also to know where you end and other people begin.
You’re enabling them! Stop! All your help is not doing them any good.
My brother has binge eating disorder. He desperately wants help. Money makes the world go round and we don’t have any.
I just love him and support him the best I can.
So tell the kids they can’t clean house and mind the
business that PAYS YOU.
Let them be and you stay out of it from now on.
1 Like
What you should do is “ Discreetly “ take out some heavy duty “Life Insurance “ on them and just prepare yourself for the inevitable and an exceptionally good payday $$$$$
And in that way you can “Sob” your heart out on the way “To the Bank 
“ when you cash 
the check or checks , Good 
Luck 
!!!
Least you asked what type a funeral near start. Get they things out way Jeezo
Do not enable them. Treat this like you would an addiction. If their kids are not taken care of properly call cps.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do. They have to want help.
4 Likes
Sorry to say but you are enabling them, by being at their beck and call. Don’t do another thing for them, nothing, just visit, be kind and say, it’s your choice. Enjoy your life, obviously they don’t enjoy theirs and ruining yours as well. I couldn’t walk away but no more pandering to them. Have a meeting with the rest of the family and agree, enough is enough.
You kinda sound like a shit person, tbh.
2 Likes
Stop enabling them by helping them. They seem to not want help so walk away.
Leave them be and stop doing this for them.
Unfortunately, your family member sounds like they are going the way my father did and there are two sides to this coin. You can stick it out and be one of the handful of people who stayed in their life. Or you can draw a line for your self if that is what you feel you need. I wouldn’t blame you because I know how hard it can be to watch someone literally killing themselves slowly. But I also know that I wouldn’t change my choices for the world. 150+ people showed to my dads funeral in the last year of his life maybe 7 of them were involved regularly, only myself daily and four of us are his kids. Id rather be one of the 7 then the rest (though my feelings on each are more in depth then just “Ah you weren’t around” - some get a pass - others used that funeral for weird grief kicks and they can get fucked)… A word of advice though - stop nagging. It won’t have the affect you want and all it will do is leave you having said unkind things to your loved one before they died. The last thing I said to my dad was not I love you as I left for the day but “Who is gonna walk me down the aisle when you die dad!” before I slammed the front door on him. (I was also 16 though so you know, You are an adult. Maybe think about that too.) Oh and final edit for this last important piece of advice - There is no such thing as a nice way to tell your family member that you think they are too fat 
My family thought that too when they were fat shaming us because they didnt want us to become dad. But its not a thing. Don’t try to act like it is.
You can’t do anything. If they are refusing all help, there’s nothing you can do. They have to want it. I recommend not helping them in any way. Don’t clear their house or run errands. Your mental and emotional health is important too.
You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped and at this point it’s just nagging because whoever it may be is a full grown adult and can do what they like and im pretty sure they kno they can die ik it’s hard but you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do
You can’t help somone who refuses to admit they have a problem. If they’re happy weighing 500 lbs ask them if they’ve made their funeral arrangements and if not what kind of funeral they want because they won’t be around for much longer internal organs are smothering in fat and the heart is going to give out we’ve all seen it many many times. Quit torturing yourself it’s not your problem you’ve done all you could to help them and they’ve refused so let the cards fall where they may.
Have you ever tried to do ANYTHiNG at 500lbs? so sick of people only helping people if they feel they deserve it or feel like they’re “doing it right”. Just help people. Full stop. if u want to help, just help. Just because u bless someone with your precious help doesn’t mean they automatically get better. Just help. With no conditions. Helping is about them not you. If you have expectations, don’t. Then u won’t have disappointments either. It shouldn’t be dependent on them satisfying some abitrary parameters u have in ur head.
Just stop helping them. Stop doing things for them. The more you help the more you’re enabling their lifestyle. They have to come to the realization that they have to change or they can’t do anything. If they always have people to do things for them they have no reason to change.
You can’t force someone to try and better themselves. If you feel used and do t wanna help dont
So they have money to shop and pay people to clean up after them.They obviously make a good living,so they can take care of themselves.
Cut your ties.
Let them deal with their own life .
Don’t enable them anymore.
You can’t help anyone who won’t help themselves, and that’s a sad reality that you just have to accept. If they decide they want to lose weight, be there for them for help and support. Until then, there’s nothing you can do. For those of you attacking the person asking, would you feel the same if the family member were addicted to drugs or alcohol? All 3 will kill you, there’s nothing wrong with being concerned for someone’s wellbeing and it hurts to watch them hurt themselves.
It’s not really any of your business and it’s not your problem unless you’re supporting them or paying for their food. You started out saying that you care about this person but that quickly disintegrated into criticism of the way this person lives; if you don’t live with them, you don’t need to worry about how they’re living. I just am infuriated after reading your post. If you cared about your family member, you would love them unconditionally and not come on Facebook and publicly criticize them and publicly shame them to get what you want. Your family member already feels bad by themselves about their situation, they are living their life, and they feel bad about it whether they say so or not. I just can’t believe your audacity!
I have already given my thoughts on this issue. Here is more info for you all. People such as this collect disability and probably on Medicaid or medicare. Should you stop “helping” them…they can get at home nursing care. They can get food delivered via meals on wheels. Which is usually done through home health care companies…they will do your cleaning, shopping, and cooking. The problem with this is, they can send you off to the store to get the things they are not supposed to eat…and the aid cannot refuse. So stop helping them…and they will still get help.
You can’t help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped. If they won’t help themselves then stop helping them until they at least try.
Your family member knows he/she is overweight. Stop reminding him/her. He has made the choice of this lifestyle. Allow your children to help if you like. Try to enjoy this person if you love him. He may not have long to live.
Stop enabling their behavior. You said your family members woukd see you as selfish if you stopped helping them. Yet your family members won’t help them. Plain and simple. This person is no different than any other type of addict. The difference is their addicted to food. STOP doing for them and prepare for their death, you can’t save someone who is not willing to save themselves.
I don’t mean this in a rude way, but you’re probably responsible for that family member not wanting to get help.
The way you talk about someone you supposedly love is sickening.
I wonder what you say to said family member…
It’s no wonder they don’t feel motivated, you don’t sound very motivational. You sound like “this family member isn’t listening to me so validate me”.
You are the one who should be seeking help.
Wow you sound so mean. Asking what funeral arrangements they want? Calling them lazy?
Do you know how hard it is to have that much weight to carry around? Mobility is literally very difficult, especially in the heat.
Tbh you are not the person to help them to lose weight. If anything you are probably making things worse and they are probably shutting down cuz of your attitude. I’ve had family and friends who are “morbidly obese” and I can NEVER imagine talking to them or about them like this. You need to stay in your lane cuz your judgement and attitude isn’t helping at all. Your “help” is toxic.
Stop “helping”… it’s obviously futile. Let them live their way… and just let consequences happen. People only learn if they Have to. You’re part of the problem by enabling them.
I have never met someone who was morbidly obese who wasn’t also battling depression and anxiety. What you see as laziness is likely untreated mental illness. If you care, see if their PCP will make a house call. The physician can also notify other agencies if outside help is warranted.
So stop helping if its such a burden on you… you whining about it doesn’t change anything. 
It’s not about you and how you feel about it or how they should feel about how you feel about it. We all make choices in life, some good some bad but they are ours to make. Shut up and get on with your life and stop judging!!
Put her/him on a Keto diet and don’t bring any food where they can be tempted to eat. Be patient
Just butt out, it’s none of your business!!
Everyone is on their own journey through life. This person is living THEIR way. If they wanted surgery they will have it. They will KNOW the health implications. But they dont need your judgmental, condescending opinion every 5 minutes, telling him how to live.
So, if it offends you SO much, remove your children and stay out of their life!
Make them watch that show My 600lb life…I can’t watch that show…makes me mad.
Don’t be at their beck and call anymore. Let them hire outside help.
They know they are fat.
Kinda…MYOB.