I am not in love with my husband and never was. He knows this, I met him at a very bad time in my life and he saved me form abuse but he was never “the one” for me. He is my best friend we just do not have a romantic connection. The issue is, we have kids together and i refuse to leave because he is the worlds most amazing father. Is it wrong to stay when he literally knows me every thought and feeling? we are not miserable together and i want to raise our kids together. Or should I just do him a favor and leave?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am not in love with my husband, should I leave?
How does he feel about the situation? Is it a roommate situation? FWB? Do you get along? Are you happy?
So many things to consider.
Could you still live together to coparent whilst dating others?
Who says you even have to live conventionally???
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If you are happy then stay. Marriages turn into companionship as you age anyways.
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So your not miserable. But are you both happy? Would either step outside the marriage and if so what would be the consequences
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Why did you even get married 
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Are you attracted to him at all?
If you both feel
This way, why not try an open marriage?
If you say you’re his friend like you say you are then you would do him a favor and leave him at least that’s what I would hope you would do with me? If loving their damn it ain’t there and it can’t be forced, It sounds to me like it’s making me miserable and what good is that? Do you and him a favor and call it quits.
What is your definition of “Love”? The kids deserve as much stability as you can provide. I am sorry but I am not a believer “kids will be happier if I am”. You have someone who is kind, good to you, a great parent, supports you and doesn’t mistreat you. so many positives there and so many long term relationships/marriages are based on all of that - companionship, trust and kindness far outweigh the story book tales of love.
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He married you knowing you never loved him. It’s not about you at all.
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I would say if he feels the same way then that’s okay, as it’s a common feeling between the two of you. But if you never loved him I’m just confused on the marriage part? Also another concerning part is your kids together… they learn affection from their parents and how to show love and to be affectionate with each other. I was raised in this kinda household and when I got into the relationship with my husband at the age of 15 and now 10 years together and I still have a hard time with showing affection. He had to teach me how to be. I have gotten a lot better. But it’s something that I am still in a learning process with.
To me I would leave, because either of you are not experiencing true love and the feeling of it. Your missing out so much just to be comfortable with someone else. If your not in love, then go find the one. You both deserve to be happy and be able to say I found the one I want to spend the rest of my days with… it’s not fair to either of you. Still be friends and have the connection, because that is amazing and having someone to support you vis versa.
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I wouldn’t want to stay married to someone who didn’t love me, that’s not good for the kids to see that either. Would you want them to waste their life that way? Life is far to short.
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If this doesn’t apply to you; then ok. For some it does.
Marriage wasn’t created to make any one happy. Marriage was created to make you holy.
Marriage is more of a we do life together to make life easier kinda thing but there are seasons of disconnects. You have to work at marriage just like a car.
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So basically what your saying is you want some other D ? 
you’re bored with his
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You should be thankful he is the man he is
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Grass probably won’t be greener
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Do both of you and your kids a favor and
Leave if that’s what you really want to do
Kids can be raised by both parents in separate homes
Just as well as the one home
Its called co-parenting
You all need to find a balance that works for your kids (who are more important then what’s good for you and hubby )
You all deserve some one who can love you
Whole Hartley
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yes you should leave. if you want a romantic connection with someone then you go and have one. you are in charge of your life, you are in charge of your happiness. why are you asking strangers if you should leave? he deserves to be with someone who is in love with him, and you deserve to have a romantic connection with someone. kids are never a reason to stay together
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So your children were made out of convenience and not love, i can’t believe people can create life give them a sense of family a security blanket and you’ll gonna shattered thaf for them? Children are made from love not convenience! I hope you 2 selfish adults are honest enough to tell your children the truth! That is who you’re accountable too ate the children
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Do him the favour and free him let him find love
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Why would you marry and have kids with someone you don’t love?
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So u slept with him have kids with him and married him wasting his life and u never loved him wtf 
he deserves better quite frankly and u ur just as bad u practically stopped this man from having a woman who loves him that’s who he deserves children with
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That cold heart. Why have kids ?
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I guarantee this man didn’t know that u didn’t love him
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He deserves to be with someone who’s in love with him. You’re being selfish. You deserve it too
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Are you comfortable or happy? Only you can decide this.
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You should be thankful you got a good man, nowadays its HARD to find a loyal decent man.
The grass is not greener on the other side, its greener where you water it.
Its up to you, Go gamble your life away to find “the one”. I hope you dont meet a narc…you’ll need therapy for that if you meet one
All the best
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I don’t think he knew u didn’t love him like that. He hoped u would love him and when I agreed to marry him, he thought for sure she loves me. Kids later u are not in love🤔 how is that even possible. Because mum’s fall in love with hands on dads. We just love it. It’s a u problem that u need to seek help for. The grass ain’t greener on the single side. That man will be fished out the water hours after u throw him in,if he is a good as u say. I advice communicate better on what love language works for u and seek help
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Let that man go. Why keep him and yourself from being happy. Y’all can still be the best of friends and do great in coparenting
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This was already posted and a lot of people told you to leave so your husband can find real love, he deserves better.
He can still be a fantastic father to his children without you staying there. You’ve mentioned previously he didn’t have a clue prior to marrying you. Let him know so he can decide what he wants to do
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It’s a tough decision with kids involved. It’s going to screw up their world. Are you sure that you aren’t just in a rut? Let’s say that you really aren’t in love. Where will you go? What will you do? Are you working now? Do you have child care? How will you set up child custody and child support? Can you live close enough together to be in the same school district and have joint custody? Then neither of you pays support? These are some questions you need to ask yourself. You say you aren’t in love. Well, let’s talk love for your kids. Let’s try to make this break up as easy on them as possible. Now, once you tell your husband you want a divorce, it may not be possible to do this. Likely he’ll be hurt and angry and will not want to do anything you suggest. But once the initial shock is past, you may be able to talk him into this for the kids’ sake. And after you leave, don’t look for someone else right away. You may be ready, but the kids won’t be. If you want to date, don’t bring anyone around the kids for quite some time. Play it smart. Good luck.
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Consider an discrete open marriage. Continue to raise your children together and see if he would interested in you giving one another a pass. Works for some quite well
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Why did you marry him in the first place? I hope he does you a favor and leaves you for someone who actually does love him 
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Very wrong to stay. He deserves to find love.
Sounds like he deserves to be happy and now I can understand why you chose to be anonymous. You know in your heart this is not right and he is probably blindsided after having children with you. The “I’m not in love with him and never was” is so disheartening and unfortunate for him. That would break me. Leave him, don’t make it ugly, and let him move forward and find somebody who loves him.
Yes leave I can’t understand why you would marry and have children if there was no love,ever your husband deserves better 
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Give him my number
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This is where me miss it in this generation, marriage is not about feelings girl, it’s commitment and I think u guys are doing it fine. U have a good man and ur complaining. I think u need to sit with yourself and have some deep conversations with u, do u . Be intentional about being good to this man. The Bible never told us to marry who we love, feelings come and go.
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Tell him whats up. Let him go find somebody who will love him back. He deserves that. Surely he will still father his children and if you do this right, perhaps y’all can still salvage your friendship. Sounds like you jumped at an opportunity to better your life situation and it lead to all of this. That man did not deserve that.
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Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him, sorry but this is one of the most selfish things I have heard , how one could do this to another person is beyond me. You used him and his obviously kind and caring nature, to benefit your own selfish needs. I find it hard to believe he knew you were not in love with him and still married and have children with you. There will also come a day , when your children ( if they have not already) pick up on this loveless marriage and it will become what they think marriage is about, not to mention using people , no matter the harm and hurt to them, to get what you want in life. Do your children and your husband a favour, leave and let them be happy and find love
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If he is still with you giving it his all. Leaving him is doing him no favor. Idk how you see that. But your gonna hurt that man. Not make him happy by doing that
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If he knows how you feel why not ask him instead of strangers?
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And so? What’s the problem?
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Divorce on good terms and split custody
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So you used him for your own personal gain. Now you don’t need anything from him …
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Honestly, sit him down and very communicate with him. Find out his feelings, tell him yours and see what He wants to do.
You have kids together but no romantic connection.? I think your a little selfish hun. Appreciate what you got.!!!
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Would you consider possibly a Poly situation? That way you could long term live in the same home but live individual lives
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Did you ask him what he wants and feels?
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Women like you make me sick, you leave an abusive relationship just to abuse someone.
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Your feelings are valid and those words definitely need to be said to him - especially in hopes that everything goes smoothly in the transition phase (for the sake of your children). You both can work together as parents and still make wonderful memories, but also you could both be romantically fulfilled by someone else. Love him enough to give him to someone that is actually attracted to him. Do NOT get messy with it! It will RUIN everything. Do not discuss who you’re dating in front of or to your husband or children. Also, I know you’re being transparent with him but maybe he doesn’t need every detail? You stated “the issue is that I refuse to leave him”… what are you waiting on? He isn’t going to leave and do that for you… Maybe move somewhere a few blocks over? So you can commingle your lives together for your kids benefit. It IS wrong to stay, even if he does know how you feel. You cannot keep telling him (things that are difficult things to hear)and all about your unhappiness. Shut it off lady. You are dragging him through the mud. Let that man be happy and loved the way he should be. Good luck 
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Who would the favor be for you or him the children suffer either way.
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What a selfish women you are
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I personally feel that laying down and creating a family with someone is wrong if you truly have no romantic feelings for that individual. One whoops should’ve been it…not a marriage and more kids. To get married, have kids, spend years together just because “hey why not” … Like wth? So now you’ll split up a home, with a man that obviously loves you, loves his kids, etc. to find your happiness? What about the happiness of them kids who now have a broken home, their father who now gets to weekend parent, etc 
. Using someone for your own selfish needs and then acting as if they’re disposable is awful. I’m sure if you put effort into the relationship you could learn to love someone, especially knowing he is a good man, a devoted father, etc. The kids would have more stability with him from the sound of it and maybe he will find a wife who truly loves him and his children and won’t just settle for him.
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Leave. Let him find someone who will truly love him for the amazing person he is and not have some one like you saying “I never loved him I was just using him because I was having a rough time in my life”
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That’s not showing your kids what a romantic relationship looks like. Do the man a favour and let him find someone that actually wants to be with him because that won’t stop him from being an amazing dad. That’s a very selfish mindset. If you don’t want to end things why are you asking for advice anyway? Let the poor dude go and focus on yourself.
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Best foundation in marriage is friendship. Love is not a noun but a verb. It’s something you do. Honestly what you are speaking of, romantic love is passion and infatuation. All pass in time though may be rekindled. Real love is a commitment each and every day to put the other first. Welcome to adulthood and mature maturity.
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I feel so sorry for your husband
Do you want your kids raised by another woman. A stepmother when he remarries.? Be nice and provide a good home for your children. How do you know your husband isn’t happy? Marriage is more than love. It is mainly a commitment to develop a life together. You have a chance to be happier than a lot of people who marry for love. Make a good home for all of you. Good luck.
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Try having romantic date nights,you may just fall for him. Plus,older married couples are more like companions/friends anyways.Dont give up,try harder!
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Ask him what he wants
Leave. And have 50/50 no child support.
I faced this issue eight years ago. I didn’t start the relationship not in love but I fell out of love because the spark went as did any romantic connection. We were still very close, just more as friends. It was so hard to leave because he was my best friend. He knew my every thought too and in the end after some very deep conversations, our split was mutual and we are still best friends to this day and are still very much together as parents. It can work out.
I was just wondering as well, did you tell him you loved him when you knew you didn’t or did he go into this relationship knowing you didn’t but loved you so settled for that? Could he have taken advantage of the fact you were at your lowest ebb and maybe he’d hoped you would fall for him eventually or did you lie to him the whole time? Some context would be good
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He can be the world’s best dad while you separate and divorce. You deserve what you desier as well and your kids would not want to be told when they are older you stayed for them
Do him a favor and leave, he deserves to be loved
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Why did you marry him if you didn’t love him ? Poor man
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Why not talk to him and see what he wants. Some times what you have is priceless. Sounds like you have a nice man. Better than what you had.
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Why hold him back from finding his true love or yourself
Things change when you have kids particularly when they are very young.
Be patient, you can get that excitement back if you both work on it.
Don’t throw it away for the thrill of something new which always wears off.
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Stay for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. The grass is not greener always somewhere else.
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Girl what ya doing? Sounds like you have the best ingredients for a great marriage pray about it and learn to love him the thought of breaking up your family and someone else raising your kids you could be a whole lot worse off trust me been there done that if you and your children are safe in a safe environment and he loves you and knows your every thought oh he knows you no one would know you better except God himself come on now change your perspective a lot of women would love to have what you have and I get it you can’t make your heart feel something it don’t but the alternative is a whole lot worse not only for you but your children.
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Being your spouses best friend is a very rare gift. And obviously u had some romantic feelings at one point or another. I mean you have children. I have best friends that are males and I couldn’t imagine EVER having sex with them. So he must be more than you are feeling right now. There are lows and highs in relationships. I say stay and figure it out.
Divorce is so hard on the kids. You have in your husband a great friend and companion. Every succesful relationship needs that to survive. You’re a ver lucky woman. My mother always said “ it’s better to be with someone that truely loves you than to be with someone that you truely love.” I never understood that until it was too late.
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You can raise your kids together and not be under the same roof. Better to tell him the truth and leave n make it work for the kids than to end up miserable and resentful and ruin the friendship you have together
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Yes. Leave. He deserves someone that loves him. 50/50 no support. It’s absolutely cruel to make someone live in a loveless marriage.
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Him being a great father and your relationship are two separate things. If he’s as great a father as you say, then that won’t change just because your not together. 
Edit: you be surprised at how much your kid’s see / already know about your marriage. They probably won’t say it to you, but they see it.
If your that worried about the kids ( totally normal and understandable) then find a good therapist or what not for them.
I think your romantic connection is more than you think; therapy and maybe a special weekend or date night?
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“I am not in love with my husband, should I leave” well obviously. Stop wasting his time
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Sounds to me like you love him more than you are willing to admit…are you looking for cannons and explosions…or do you want a love that will carry you through for the rest of your life…a good loving home for your children…You best examine the situation and do some long hard thinking.
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So? You married him and had kids with this guy and you don’t love him??? Wtf lol. People are so so odd these days
Tell him hmu 
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He deserves someone who loves him
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Pick your battles.the dating world isn’t fun.i definitely wouldn’t want to date in the time.
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The grass is not greener on the other side believe me your best friends he’s great enjoy
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Love is a fleeting emotions. Choose him everyday <3 Dont give up and weigh the good and the bad. I have hope is you two
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Tell him to slap you around a little bit and you might fail in love with him. And ofcourse that is a joke.I only said that because I was saved from an abusive relationship and I seem to love the one that abused me. Stay right where you are and just be happy raising the kids.
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I think what you’re searching for is what you think love is. You want some fairy tale, butterfly stuff and that’s not realistic. Sounds to me like you could use some counseling and some soul searching.
What you have sounds very much like love to me.
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You will have more regret than you could ever imagine if you do leave someone that cares !!!
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Sounds like a silly question. You aren’t hiding anything. It also seems that yall are happy despite this.
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Co parenting is always an option. If you know you don’t love him then you need to leave…. Staying isn’t fair for anyone and your children need to see BOTH parents being loved right
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Have you ever talked to him about this? Maybe you should instead of asking a bunch of strangers online cuz no one really knows your story but you and him
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Not greener on the other side. Dating is a joke and what if you find abuse again, or abuse to your children. You haven’t learned to love the man who is “good”? What are you looking for?
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They say pick your partner wisely because in the end your just friends. Honestly though only you can decide this. Try dating first to see if you guys can get closer. I’m sure he loves you.
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Love comes in different ways and from the sounds of it, you actually do love him. The reasons you laid out sound like love you me! (Best friend, amazing father, knows your every thought and feeling,want to raise kids together, etc). When you say you don’t have a “romantic” connection does that mean you just have trouble being intimate? When you’re in a long relationship, things do change and the honeymoon phase stops, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still love there. I feel like this is a situation where you’re thinking the “grass may be greener”. I was also in an abusive relationship for 17 years before moving on and I know that when you leave, any person who helps you and is there for you during those times can become a deep connection. To me it sounds like this man loves you and his family with his whole heart. Love isn’t just “romance”, it’s being someone’s best friend and sharing your life with them. If you’re having issues with intimacy/sexy stuff, then it would prob be better to talk to a councillor together and work on that rather than throw the whole marriage away. After all he’s your “best friend”, but after you break things off with him, that connection you did have will be deeply damaged and you’ll lose him as a “friend”. The grass isn’t greener and attraction/romance will always ebb and flow in a relationship. Don’t give up someone good over something counseling will fix. You have to create romance yourself, not just wait for it to happen. Speaking from experience.
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- you can leave
- you probably never allow yourself to feel that connection towards him. You can give it a try
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You both deserve to be with people you love & who love you back.
You obviously care about eachother deeply even without the love so surely you can co parent separately but still well, if not better after finding people you both love & are happy with.
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You married your best friend. Romance is a plus but not a must. The grass on the other side is probably either fake turf grass or just plain dead. Your happiness is way more than you think.
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Have you ever considered an open relationship?