Go for it! Don’t be afraid if you feel it in your heart. But be careful with that woman she sounds dangerous.
Run! Don’t walk RUN. You will never know the full story. You do not want to bring a life into the world with that type of chaos. A child in the mix (of a already bad situation) is a recipe for disaster. It’s your decision if you keep the baby but if you do I would not keep contact with the father. He will use you and that child the way he used his current wife and kids. Good luck!
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If he was on a dating website he was looking to cheat… he was looking for a reason out. Huge red flag. 9 times out of 10 how you get them is how they’ll be. Once they show you who they are believe them. Maybe he wasn’t treating his wife right and for months before y’all started talking he was mistreating her thus causing her anger because he was in search elsewhere. If he truly wanted out and wasn’t in love he would’ve done left her. And I don’t understand how you didn’t notice kids lived there… did he hide that from you? If he did another huge red flag… I’m sorry but I would dodge that bullet.
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Yes it’s true once a cheater always a cheater for 75% of guys but some actually learn a lesson. His wife obviously wasn’t giving him love and he was looking for a connection elsewhere. My ex husband cheated an we divorced, he remarried 2 yrs after and hasn’t cheated on her. They’ve been married 4 yrs now. No one seems to understand he has admitted to wrong doing an being honest. The wife was obviously abusive who wouldn’t stray. But everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Just make sure she doesn’t have access to your address an you’ll be fine.
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Dont do it. Just raise the baby. Save the trouble of being the woman he just cheated on
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Wow. So because HE cheated y’all suggesting she aborts? Tf? Shows who uses that as bc 
y’all pathetic
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Personally, with the given information, I’d consider keeping a friendship and building trust. Maybe go to a few counseling sessions together since you will be co parenting a child together. With all the proof you say you’ve been given about the abuse on the wife’s part, and how open he seems to have been since you came up pregnant, I feel like that should say Something positive. Flowers can grow from the rain in a storm. I would watch how he handles the whole situation with his wife, his kids. How does he treat his kids? How does he treat Her regardless of the poor relationship that is coming to an end? How he carries himself through all of that will tell you a lot.
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If he has been in an abusive relationship with his wife, it is difficult to know who really is the abuser. Even if he wasn’t the overt abuser, he participated in his own way.
Once in an abusive marriage with children, both people will always be connected through the children. This means drama and often long distance abuse for some.
I have survived an very abusive marriage with kids. I will say that it had been 7 years since I left with my kids and that I still endure long distance abuse. He brings me to court and creates drama often. The drama is less but I have spent tens of thousands of dollars protecting my children and extended family. It took a toll on my health and my kids health.
Why am I telling you this?
Because if you get serious with this guy, you need to know he comes with his ex, his kids and his co-dependency issues. If he is serious about his own healing, he needs time alone, lots of counselling at a minimum. He and you need to understand how and why he got into his last relationship.
The best scenario for all would be to stay in contact but keep your own home and independence. That is just my opinion after being through my own life experience. Love to you and your situation. I wish the best for you.
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No too much drama find a nice drama free man without all that baggage
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Good luck I think you’re going to need all the luck you can get
Get child support from him
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Leave…she’s probably not handling his infidelity well…
Well if you want him in the babies life and might want to get to know him. I’d say get child support, no dating other people but friends still for a year, and then talk about how it’s going. If his personality changes bad in that year leave if still good personality say boyfriend and girlfriend for year still exclusively. After that 2nd year you will know if you are willing to work on life together or just separate.
You… are a fucking idiot.
Seems he was super unhappy with her, if he hadn’t went home and told her the truth on it all like you requested then I’d say he was a shit bag but he seems to come off he knew this would be a way out of his horrible marriage and really has feeling for you that are genuine
Omg nooooo, girl move on. Focus on you and the baby but do not get sucked into the trap he’s setting for you.
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If he cheats to be with you he will cheat on you!!
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I’m going to pray for you.
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Try to concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Tell him to leave you alone for the time being while you concentrate on you and the pregnancy. Give yourself a few more months after delivery before you can talk it through. You can still raise your baby without necessarily being together. Keep in mind that if he was going through abuse, he would have divorced his wife first before getting on dating sites.
He started with dishonesty, and lies what u do to others comes back to u .
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I feel like there’s more to the story that isn’t being told. Where was the wife and kids while you were staying overnight? Where was their things? Did you have any clues at all that he may be more secretive than private? Keep in mind he was actively seeking an affair while still married. He wanted his cake and to eat it too, in my opinion. I’d play it safe and keep my distance for the longest time possible. Let him get counseling and heal, and work on a real friendship with him for now. I definitely would not pursue a relationship any time in the near future. Everyone wants a family and stable relationship, but sometimes things don’t always work out that way. You can still give your baby a great life that involves both parents. 
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Honestly? I would give him a chance if you feel like he deserves it. It sounds like he was in an unhealthy marriage. I’m iffy because he said he married her to do the right thing because she was pregnant with his child and now he’s doing the same thing with you, but that’s really my main issue. He owned up to his mistake, which takes guts. It’s really your call at this point.
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Heck no he should have separated before he had any dating web site there are always two sides of a story you don’t no what he put his wife through he probably cheated on her many times women get tires of it I am going through a similar situation were my ex came clean to me a week before our wedding and he would always tell me he slept with this women that women and even back in July he had a female friend who he had lie to me and told me they never slept together and then a week before our wedding he actually came clean to me and said they slept together and we have a baby our self and our daughter was born with down sydrome and she is 6 month old and he don’t pay me any child support and to be honest he lied to me and it really pissed me off and I am still pissed I am more mad at him then her 
so think about it if he cheated with you how many other women are there I mean he only wants to be friends with you if he was a real man he would have given you 
percent not no he needs time he didn’t give you time when he did the dance in bed with you…
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Every child deserves to have both parents in their life. Whether or not you be with him is a non issue because you should worry about him being there for the baby and not if you will be in a relationship or not.
If he cheated on her, he will probably end up cheating on you once the honeymoon phase is over, I mean, follow your gut instincts and intuition. Give yourself space to think And do not forget you have options. Do you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life? He betrayed your trust and wrongfully cheated on the mother of his children, not ok. He may play victim but you really don’t know the other side of the story, aside from what he’s shown you and what you recieved from his wife when she was broken hearted and hurting. He went on a getaway with you on Valentines day which says he had no problem neglecting his wife…he didn’t just neglect the relationship with his wife, he was also neglecting his children to persue a single kid free woman. It sounds like he’s been cheating the whole time he has been married to her and justifying it by playing victim. Not ok. He sounds like a narcissistic master manipulator. Protect yourself. Go to a local clinic and weigh out ALL of your options.
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I’d say no… becuse you will never have peace in your own mind. Every time he doesn’t come home even 30 years from now your mind will automatically go to he is cheating. He didn’t cheat on you but he did cheat on his wife. I have a gf who had a similar situation happen and they wound up married with a baby, and now she constantly thinks he is going to leave her for another woman
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This is a FWB gone awry. Definitely Dr. Phil worthy.
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I’m guessing you weren’t his first side chick. He probably told wife side chick #1 “meant nothing to him” or she threw herself at him or whatever. Wife finally forgave him & they tried to make it work for the sake of the children, then she finds out he’s cheating again in her own bed!
I’d try to talk to the wife to find out if what he told you has any basis in fact, or if she heard the same sob story. Ask her if he’s a good dad or expects her to do everything.
I’m sorry. I don’t see this ending well. Everyone in this scenario needs counseling, including the older kids. Are you prepared to raise this child on your own?
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Not on his side. Men tend to air out all the dirt when they want to ditch a relationship. “Boo-hoo I’m sad, she hurt me.” You still have a chance to get out of that. Do not be fooled.
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Does FWB stand for full week of bonking? That’s what came to my mind when reading this.lol
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Been there,but not pregnant,he will never change,love your child an just let him be the child’s dad,but find a new man for you
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If ya dont want the baby I will take it…
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If he stepped out on her regardless of the circumstances , he may just repeat it again. And remember
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”
So something drove that woman to the madness he’s expressed but what and who?
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I would give him a chance but that’s me. Everyone deserves a second chance. He may just be the one you’ve been waiting your whole life for. Good luck beautiful hope it all works out for you 
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He may turn around n be with u. But what happens when u guys start having problems is her gonna run to another FWB woman or run to u n fix it. He seems like scum n that woman had every right to downgrade his ass cuz she knew the real him. N down graded him probably cuz the way he treated her. But yeah just shows when he gets tired of women he moves on to the next with out the woman even knowing not cool.
Lmao what a drama fest
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In all reality, men make mistakes too. If he is serious then being friends and the babys dad will be enough for now. If he truly loves you and wants to do what’s right, he will wait until he’s divorced before taking your relationship any further than that.
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You won’t know until you try. Do what you feel is best for both of you. You owe it to each other to at least try. Especially for the baby. Go with your feelings but just be careful. Keep your guard up and let things play out the way they’re meant to.
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Wait. Hold up! You stayed at his house and didnt see any family pics up, kids toys, wife hair brush… I call bull shit on all of this.
Heres what I will say and yall are welcome to your opinions and this is mine. PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS, BUT THAT DOESNT MAKE THEM BAD PEOPLE. EVERYONE does stupid shit. Everyone does shit they wish they didnt do. Who they were doesnt define who they are now, and people can change in a split second, for good and bad. I’m a firm believer that people should not be judged based off of questionable things that they may have done. Who he was yesterday is different than who he is today. Just because someone cheats, doesnt mean they are always a cheater. Wanna know how I know that? BECAUSE IVE BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. I would never dream of cheating on my husband, but I did cheat on my ex. Was it wrong? Completely. Do I understand that? Yes. Does it define who I am for life? No. It does not. Keep the friendship. If he leaves his wife (divorce), still handles business and takes care if his two kids with her, and is a good father figure to your child and you guys want to take your relationship to something more permanent, I say go for it. I can promise you that 30 years from now, you will not he wondering if he is cheating unless he has proven that as a possibility. People tend to forget that we are all human and NO ONE is perfect. Weve all made hella questionable choices, made some bad mistakes, etc. Dont immediately paint him as a scumbag for life because he made some pretty bad choices.
Holy crap. Let him be daddy but girl do not get with him. In a couple years if not sooner he’ll be telling his new side chick the same crap about you.
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The wife is most likely pissed off and full of hate cause you are not the first she’s probably had to contend with the circus for awhile now probably trying to hold on for her kids sake
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Sounds like they’re both a couple whackadoos- run!
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Pray ask ur higher power seriously ill pray for u sister
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Lost cause. Baby daddy but NO FURTHER, u were his side piece… if one day u were wifey, u better expect a new side piece to take your place.
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My friend is going through the EXACT SAME THING! Do not be with him he wilinly cheated on his wife! What makes u think he won’t do it agian? By all means yes let him b in the child’s life he needs time for him to figure himself out focus on you and the baby he can be apart of it. But just cause u want a family don’t go n make it just cause he is ther wait until he figures himself out. Let’s just say the married man and my friend he told her everything she wanted to hear n said him n his wife are getting a divorce n how she was so mean to him but guess what he is still with her. He was telling my friend everything she wanted to hear to make him seem like the one who needs pitty
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I would start off with a friendship and then move from there. I think people do deserve a second chance and I DONT believe in once a cheater always a cheater. There’s a reason folks cheat. Whether they realize it or not.
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Lost cause please 4 u &ur child MOVE ON!Go into witness protection & don’t let him even know where u r.use middle name &moms maiden on social media or stay off …for gods sake woman DO WHATS RIGHT! …hes a liar ,cheat, u don’t know…but what u do know is enough 2 get away from him…
Another admin tall tale cuz their page is dead 
Tell him you lost the baby and do not ever answer his communications. Block him. I’m serious. If you want anyone to believe that you actually are disgusted and that you would not want this man to leave his children, then act like it.
It may not have been your fault that he cheated, and it may not be your child’s fault that it has no father, but you need to cut ties right now. If you believe what you said about feeling for those kids, you will do what I said. If not, you’re a liar.
Your emotions are being manipulated.
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Once a cheater always a cheater
Idk about everyone else, but it seems history is repeating itself in his life. If the same thing happened with his first, it’s a possibility that what he says about his current wife, he could be saying the same about you a few years from now. Idk, I am not there, but you should really evaluate your situation before moving forward. And make sure that whatever big choices you make are ones you can live with permanently.
My niece went through the same thing. He stayed with his wife and 2 sons. Her daughter is 10 now and the commotion died down after about a year and all is well. She sees her father’s family too.
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I’d go talk to his wife and explain all of this to HER. Girl code. Screw him
Do not give him a chance. He can be your child’s father but how could you ever be with someone you know cheated on their wife and left her and the kids alone while taking you in vacay? That means he totally just left his wife home alone with no thought to her feelings on Valentine’s Day, no wonder she had some mean words to say to him.
He won’t change for you, sounds like a Manipulating narcissist asshole
Go with your gut and do what you feel is right.
You’re a good writer and seem sensible. Make sense of why he was on a dating site while married. This relationship did not evolve organically and out of domestic violence. He’s a scum bag. Married and hunting for women (you’re not the only one) on a dating site. He likely set you up. Have you heard the term ‘stealthing’?
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Just because he cheated on his wife DOES NOT mean he would do it to you. He MAY very well be telling you the truth about her. Start out as friends, take it slow and build from there.
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If he will cheat with u he will cheat on u…once a cheater always a cheater 
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Once a cheater always a cheater. You are better off to walk away. Other wise you will always be questioning his actions if not verbally it will always be in the back of your mind.
Run for the hills girl. Get as far away as you can. Don’t be fooled by his little act.
It doesn’t matter how much of a bitch she was, he cheated doesn’t show much for his character. I was in an abusive marriage for 13yrs and although he was a complete ass I still kept my morals and stayed faithful.
Yeah right u probably knew he was married
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Dump him and move on
we are all human and we all are bound to make some mistakes, while I’m not trying to justify him, I do believe that people do to some extent deserve redemption.
I would say do to what your guts tell you to do, taking things slow and see how it progresses seems more than a logical thing to do, if that’s how you feel.
I think the both of you deserve the best and wish you luck with whatever you choose
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Why do you think she is angry:thinking:
cause its not the first time he’s done it and it wont be the last …get out now…
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Don’t rush into a relationship with him! Maybe everything he is saying is true, MAYBE. But it’s pretty suspicious that he married his wife from a similar situation that you are in. Make sure whatever you do that you can stand on your own. Don’t get it in your head that he is going to marry you and happily ever after. Because you might end up the same way she did.
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I could not carry his baby after knowing what he did to his wife and family. If he did all that because he felt it was right for her, what makes you think that he won’t do that with you
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Hes lieing she kick him out so now he needs you n your doing exactly the same as his wife think about it dont fall for it
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In my opinion once a cheater always a cheater. If he cheated on his wife to be with you he will cheat on you to be with another. Be friends because of the child. But i wouldnt take it any further
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Have your baby…love that child because it’s yours… don’t make the go between…take him to court for child support and find out how much he loves you…above all, don’t use that baby to get what you want…maybe even consider adoption…let him go… you’ll be doing this go round the rest of you life…
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Only a Fool would trust someone who cheated on his family and children! How long do you think it will be before he has some other naive young woman on the hook if he hasn’t already!
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I would let his wife know for sure n see what she says and take it from there. Praying for you
There’s a lot to unravel here, and I hope the situation has improved since you originally posted.
The first thing that needs to happen is that both of you need to figure out who you are as individuals. I would highly recommend getting him to go to counseling. If what he says is true, and he was lassoed into a unhappy marriage, then he’s not sure of himself to be in a committed relationship. As he’s figuring himself out, he should have some space. He can’t be spending all his time thinking of you and talking to you. That’s only going to influence his progress by making him into who YOU want him to be, and vice versa for you. Once you’re both established in who you are and what you want, then you guys can come together to figure out what the hell is going to happen between you two and this new baby.
As for the cheating/hiding, it’s ultimately up to you on whether you want to forgive him or not. I had my extended period of disloyalty to my significant other before we were married, and my story was very similar to his in the sense that I lost who I was and I didn’t feel like my relationship meant what it use to mean, but he was full blown going behind her back trying to find someone else. That, along with many other red flags, is making me wonder if this is one of those “at first it didn’t mean anything to me, but then I got to know you and I fell in love with you” clichés you see in love stories. This is why I say he needs counseling and space. When I lost myself, I had to remind myself who I was and why I always told myself I would never cheat. I felt empty and apathetic towards everything that use to matter to me. I did manage to pull myself out eventually, but it’s definitely left some internal scars and worries about the future. My wife chose to forgive me, and a year later said yes when I proposed. I’m forever grateful that she accepted me back, but that’s our story, not yours.
Time, space, and counseling will show you the right path. Contrary to normal assumptions, not all cheaters are horrible people. Cheating is a horrible action and it shows how selfish the actor is, but we all have a caving point and when we reach it, we’re surprised as how cruel we can get. Let him build himself back up, focus on doing the same for yourself, and meet up later.
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He was emotionally abused by his wife and that’s no excuse to cheat but I think with counselling there’s hope. Take it slow. Build trust. My husband was a lost soul before we met. A player who didnt want committment. 7 years down the line hes a changed man with therapy. We’re happily married with a beautiful daughter and another on the way. A lot of these women are bitter babymoms. He may not treat you the same as you’re totally different to his wife.
Okay all of you just taking it as fact his wife was abusive you need to sit the fuck down. You know ONE side of a relationship and you only have that second hand. He could have been gaslighting her for years you don’t know. People like that LOVE to push your buttons and make you lose it where people will see so that YOU look like the crazy person. It’s all your fault and THEY are the victim. I’m not saying that is the case here. What I am saying is you don’t know so stop maligning the woman because she got upset and called her husband names when she found out he got some other woman PREGNANT. Secondly I have no idea if you are still reading these but girl you and that baby need to run far and fast.
This is the dumbest story that I’ve ever heard, and if it were a true story, you’re the most dumbest cunt that I’ve ever heard about.
Honestly, if he’s shown proof that she’s a Narcissistic abusive cuntbag, then yeah, take time and get to know him.
Yes I understand he was cheating, yes it’s wrong, could he cheat on you, possibly, do I think that in my heart, no.
He was probably needing an out, and was staying for the kids, and this is giving him the escape he truly needed.
Men absolutely can be abused, and it truly sounds like he was abused and using his FWB situation to get the love and affection he craved that he couldn’t get from her.
Overall, I’m not you, I can’t tell you what to do, but at least be friends with him.
Let him settle things with the divorce and then if he feels he needs therapy then he should get it. He is the father of your child and he does want to be a part of the child’s life and if you don’t let him he could make things difficult for you. If you truly want to be together then take things very slow, date, get to know each other before you really decide on anything. Good luck
Raise that baby on your own. If hes gonna do rite thing time will tell. Until then live your best life!
You are dealing with a serial cheater and you sound naive’. That’s how they operate. Trust me, there us already someone he is stringing along as well hence he wants to go ‘slow’…Many women have been there. You think his wife is crazy, you’ll end up like her.
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Here’s what I think. Oftentimes, when people marry young, they don’t know themselves well enough yet and what they want in a partner. This happens so so often. I think you should give him the chance to build your trust and especially since he’s shown you proof of how she is. But keep that wall up for a bit
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Sometimes people who cheat are pieces of shit. Sometimes they are trying to fill a void they aren’t getting at home. (No I’m not married but I know plenty of married people). I shouldn’t give advice since I’ve never been in this situation. But for the sake of your child you should remain as cordial and civil as you can. And take it from there. I wouldn’t believe him until the divorce is finalized though.
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Sometimes love happens at a wrong time, but do not believe that his wife and children were ‘accidents.’ A person can want out of a relationship, but I would ask myself why he never told you about his FAMILY until he was so caught that there was no way out. Also, the man was ANGRY that you came to his house. He got caught and that is it and he thinks to keep you and his wife. Sometimes a person is bad and the other partner runs around, but I would be careful of supposed texts sent from his wife as obviously he is not only unfaithful, but disloyal as well to show you their private conversations. Do you really want an unfaithful, disloyal man? Is your love better than the person he married and has little children with already? Will you make him a better man, a better Father? Also, she has every reason to be an angry, bitter woman as both she and her little ones were just confronted with you and a baby; their family is now broken because of him and no matter how you say you are innocent----- because of you.
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He wouldn’t never gotten honest with you or anyone of you hadn’t caught him. As a wife and mother my heart breaks for his wife and you only know one side of the story on their marriage.
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Honestly, there’s never a reason to cheat. No excuse is good enough. Had you not gotten pregnant and found out about the wife, do you honestly think he ever had plans to leave her? Why would he? He’s got momma at home taking care of his kids and a piece on the side.
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If you view him as an abused woman running from her abuser, you’ll understand him better. I’d give him a chance. He’s been destroyed by this woman. My heart sincerely goes out to him.
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Why on earth would you want to settle for him, he cheated on his wife and he sure as hell will cheat on you. Lose him and raise your baby yourself. You will find someone who really cares for you. Good luck and god bless.
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Once a cheater always a cheater, REGARDLESS OF THE KIDS!
Wow! Do you have confirmation he is actually divorcing? It seems he is playing you both. You say all this stuff, bit imagine how you would feel if you were the wife! Stay away until he is divorced.
Omg 
are these stories serious? Where do you begin with this, if it even is true. He’s a cheater, cheaters will cheat! Secondly, what’s between him and his wife is between them, and nothing is worth cheating. If he wasn’t happy with her, he should have left. How would you like to be cheated on when at home taking care of the kids you created together, while he’s out having a good ole time, living a second life like a bachelor with no care in the world? I’d be cussing him out too! Get real. Have your baby and move on. There’s worse things in life than being a single mom.
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walk away. I know you like him, maybe even love him. And now there’s a baby involved which complicates everything. Walk away. This will not end well for you or for your unborn child. If there is anything positive that’s ever going to happen in your future, walk away now.
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He’s playing the victim. It’s a way to not feel like the complete piece of shit that he is. If what he’s saying is true, there’s a reason she acted that way. 2 sides to every story. He’s gaslighting. “She made me do it because of how mean she was” “I tried to be the better person staying through all that abuse for the kids” You separate then go find your fwb. Leaving mommy home with the tots while he’s off banging his fwb (she’s probably exhausted & getting little help hence the “abuse”)… Not the kind of role model I personally would want for my kids
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In my opinion he is going to do the same thing to you later down the road and there is always three sides of a story his hers and the truth.
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Honestly, I wouldn’t have any physical relationship with him anymore while he’s married. Wait until the divorce is finalized then regroup. Couples therapy may be a good idea. And then start over again with him and actually date him seriously, not casually, if you two want a long lasting, committed relationship.
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Wait I don’t get it… you stayed at his house and there were no kids clothes,shoes,womans clothes,shoes, toys, pictures even like absolutely nothing?? I mean clearly this woman lives with him and thats their “house” they got together as a family. You didnt see any mail with both of their names on it? Man I wouldnt even know how to give advice on this situation. I am just shocked that there was no evidence of a family in a house where a family lives together. I mean he would be dumb to invite you to a house with family stuff in it unless he cleaned it up and put stuff away to hide it then he knew what was going on and didnt give a shit you were just a piece of ass at that point pretty much. If he hid his family stuff he had no intention of being with you in a “real relationship” in the first place. The moment he was “private” i would have questioned it. He didnt even bring you around his family or friends like nobody? Idk this is all fishy to me
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Just a maybe insite from the other side… my ex husband was a serious cheater. I worked days he worked over night. When I would leave to work he would take all our pictures down and hide my things and bring his mistress in the house. One day while he was at work she called the house to tell he was pregnant. Her and I spoke she told me all of the above and the things he used to say about me like… I was a cheater. I was mean and hateful I be little him so on and so forth… mind you we went to pre marriage counseling and counseling during and post marital counseling. He was an absent husband and father and we really should have never gotten married but we were 18 and 21 there were children involved and naturally I wanted to try and make it work BIG MISTAKE. I’m sure there were messages of things I shouldn’t have said but considering the situation it’s human. So after talking with him about it we still tried to work it out but he couldn’t be open and honest and continued to cheat so needless to say we divorced and the mistress got an abortion… now ten years later he is happily remarried and from what I know they are doing great.
Once a cheat allways a cheat!! Find a good man!
I would go back and tell her the truth. Neither of you deserve this. If its your safety you’re concerned for, find her on facebook or maybe her phone. But she has a right to know, and neither of you deserve this, which lastly, means you need to leave, which I’m sure you are.
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So I too started with this kind of relationship as well with my current husband. I didn’t know that he was with someone and she was pregnant when we met and when I found out I cut things off sexually, but we continued to be friends. Now here we are 8 years together and married for 3.
So when you stayed at his house, no clothes, womens and kids items etc? I’m sorry youre in this mess but in also trying to figure out how??
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