Oppositional defiance disorder maybe? My son had it and after therapy it helped tremendously.
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Possibly early puberty the mood swings can start early on!! I have 2 daughters 1 is 23 the other is 10 so bn there.
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Get help honey!!! Im a teacher and see this more than you think!! Professional help. Bloodwork all of it! 
that youll be guided to the best resources! You are saving her by doing this!!
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Keep going and pushing the doctors to listen to you and RECORD THE BEHAVIOR to show them. Ask to see a specialist. Get her into therapy. Sounds like ODD to me. Possibly ADHD. My daughter has that, adhd, anxiety and sensory processing. It took so long to get a doctor to listen to my concerns, and then longer to get to a specialist. She is doing much better now and got into OT recently with therapy and everything else.
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What does resent my daughter mean
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Put out a hidden camera, video it all. Show her therapist and doctors.
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U want 2 send her back ?
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A good old fashioned spanking is what she needs and you should have started yrs ago sounds like remember you’re her parent not the other way around
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Pathological demand avoidance? Borderline Personality disorder? Maybe even ADHD. Something is going on with her internally. I would get her assessed and in therapy just to rule these out.
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I would definitely get her into counseling, even if you did before, maybe the therapist was not capable. Find a new one and also get one for you and your husband, you guys need support too. Ask your daughter’s therapist about family counseling.
When my daughter turned 13 I had no idea who was living in my house and I gave her the option to talk with me or go to a therapist. She wouldn’t talk to me so I called and set her up with a therapist. Best decision I ever made.
My daughter (now 26) and I always had a very good relationship and she told me everything and her friends would even talk to me about any issues they had because they felt they couldn’t speak with their own Moms and I gave them different ideas on how to approach a conversation with their Moms.
Communication is key. Unfortunately she is in her pre-teen years and their hormones are out of control. Things eventually got better with my daughter but it requires a lot of patience and hard work.
Ask her about what is going on in school, in life in general and hopefully that will open the gates for communication. Reassure her that you love her and that this is just a rough patch you are all going through and let her know that you’re always there for her for whatever she might need. Let her know that you want to help make things easier for her to deal with and that she can always talk to you no matter what. She may not be receptive at first but she’ll come around.
Also, the one lesson that stuck with me from her therapist is don’t jump to react when she tells you something. Take the time to think about what she said and let it process then when you are calm go to your daughter and say you’ve given some thought to what she said earlier and give her your input. I would react first then think about it. It took me some time to change that but it definitely helped both of us.
I now have a 6.5 year old son and he literally tells me everything! And I mean everything! If it’s something that makes me mad, I calm myself down before responding.
I hope this helps some and that you do find a new therapist for your daughter.
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Leave her alone and let the natural consequences happen. It will be very hard at first. If she stinks, no one will want to be around her, fails class because she isn’t doing the work. I’ve been right where you are. It’s horrible. Prayers 
Get a camera, in living room, and on you spy camera, don’t make it obvious.
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My 9 year old son is the same way. I will not give up on him but there are days where I just don’t want to do it anymore between Drs Meds Specialists etc
When I was this age there was no such thing as ADHD, you acted out and you got your a$$ beat, problem solved
I am in the same boat =[ but with a 10 year old boy
Mayb look at who she hangs with i had a friend that her daughter hung out with a girl that everything she said or did she reflected out for instance she came home one day claiming she just started to stutter and stuttering she did bad job at it but did it she also came home 1 day and claimed she needed a dr for anxiety and acted stressed out then the im identifing as a boy stage then the im lesbian stage girl this went on for a few yrs and she took her to numerous drs with the same thing we find nothing wrong it was always the same perfect girl around other family and school well then one blessed day this other girl moved to texas so no more communication but phone every now and then out of the blue she started going back to her original self 3 yrs they went threw this to find out it was one girl at school that was acting out cause her parents were drug userels and didnt pay attn to her so she tried everything to get it from them in turn my friends kid picked it up and started doing it as well so after she moved and things slowly went back to normal they got it and pulled their daughter out of a big school and sent her to a small county school and everytime thwy noticed change they addressed it right away no problems since so little thought about ur daughter u may need to look into who is influencing her
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If I had done even one of those things to my parents, my ears would still be ringing and I’d be seeing double!
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Also ask her what do you think this punishment should be when, this happens, often parents don’t stick to the rules, which is confusing, but my bet she’s very manipulative and knows you better then you know you. Give her the responsibility of what punishment, should be, and give it different scores and different, strengths of punishment. Start with pocket money. But what about good things she would like to do, as with mum time, and or just dad time. These are just as important. Things that interest each of you taking it in turns.
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First she needs to be evaluated by a doctor or psychologist to understand the function of the behavior. From there you can get an understanding of a direction to go in. Consistency even when and if it is hard is definitely key. It sounds like because this is a difficult thing to follow through with (positive reinforcement for example) that you may have stopped because it wasn’t working. I may be wrong in that statement and I apologize if so. Sometimes it is VERY hard when things aren’t working the way you imagined. Again, I can’t stress this enough. Have the evaluation and then answers will come. Know that you are not alone and you should not have to feel like you are!
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Sounds like she needs a good spanking.
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I’m in the same boat as you.
Same mine is 12 and is doing the same things. I’ve even had to get the law involved. I have not found a solution as of now but Ive tried spanking, talking, begging… Everything she straight up doesn’t care
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If ever you need a break and family can’t help, you can contact ss and request rest bite… they’ll look after your girl while you rest… I’d also push for paediatrician for her to be assessed as sounds to me there may be something underlying! Also contact sendiass as they will be able to help also!! Including with getting her seen!! At this age she may be able to skip paeds que by applying to chams for help through sendiass!! Stay strong xx
Has she always been this way or is this something new? How is she at school? Something is for sure going on with her. Start recording everything , keep a journal as to behaviors and triggers, etc. good luck!
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It sounds like both you and her would benefit from counseling.
I feel your pain. We’re getting into counseling, school support, and a better understanding of our kids worlds. Everything we do can be so different when looking from their point of view. We have cameras and we replay situations/ behaviors that need to be addressed. Tough love, positive reinforcement and accountability… Just keep trying and loving. Tell her you love her, what your goals for her are, and you’re just trying to help her get there.
Prayers for you. Went through this with my oldest. Hope you can get some help. I tried everything. Unfortunately now my oldest is 19 and has been in jail since March 13 for beating up her younger sister and I. 
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Talk to the counselor at school and see if she can recommend really suited for your daughters behavior! She’s screaming for attention and not in a good way!
All these comments stating to “reward her” even tho she said positive reinforcement doesn’t work. Of course she’s gonna keep doing it if you give her extra attention and let her stay home from school. And everyone shaming her, shame on all of you. She’s reaching out for help. If your not going to offer advice keep scrolling.
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Put her young ass in one of those bootcamps they have for kids that act like her.They will make her see that that is acceptable behavoir
You know what they say it starts at home. You ignored her to much letting her by with things when way younger. You should of started by age one & half making her behave but you didn’t. You are going to have a problem child & even may have to give her tough love. Nine years old is a little to late. Remember what you was doing when she was one & half. Get ready for a long road! To long to little to late! #Truth 
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Fake your death for day… Get the family in on it. 
Toss up between Traumatizing or Helping
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Record her without her knowing. For lack o a better term, you can then use it against her. Send her butt to a group home where someone can teach her some respect and she can see the grass isn’t greener on the other side
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You need to be consistent day please and lots of prais e when she does well and get coinciding for your selfe
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Id try to spend one on one time with her, do some bonding as all sounds quite negative. And catch a break every few days, do something just for you . Good luck, hopefully a phase that will pass x
Boot Camp!! She needs help!!
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Go to therapy with her
If she is pleasant to everyone but you, then you are the problem. She obviously feels disliked and acts out for attention. Yeah, you are gross for doing that to your child. Figure yourselves out, you are both damaging that kid. 9yo aren’t master manipulators that can fool the whole world. You probably neglected her and now are shocked this is what she acts around you both. This came from something and it’s clear it was from you, you are the one that needs therapy!
Let me make this perfectly clear. If you think a 9yo is solely responsible for her whole life and the parents didn’t ver much obviously neglected her, then you are also a bad parent. Feel free to keep crying in my replies, but that’s the truth, and idgaff if you cry about it. 
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Sounds like she needs some serious tough love
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Record everything…let her know you are recording her to show the Dr….since she likes hiding it….also, the hitting didn’t just start….that should have been squashed and taken care of a long time ago!
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I would get cameras and record her acting in those ways throughout the house and then show her doctor or psychologist or someone who will listen.
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Mama get a 2nd opinion. It sounds as though your child is struggling to tell you what is going on,but maybe doesn’t know how without acting out. It could be anything from a learning disability to mental health or just a discipline issue. Every child is different. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to child behavior specialist. Prayers for your little girl and don’t give up because she needs you even more now.
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Find a professional that YOU as the parent trust and that they believe you. One that will do private times at the end/beginning of the session with you and your husband. You’re daughter may need a special assessment. Might be an underlying emotional or mental health struggle.
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Pinpoint the downhill slide! Was there a death or divorce I the family? Change of friends? Bullied at school?
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Our local hospital has a Behavioral Health Center. She might need to go to a Child Placement facility.
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She sounds like she has narcissistic tendencies.
Family therapy.
Find a therapist that will see through her.
Video her behaviors
If you go to a church, try the Pastor
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take her in the bedroom and say this is what you are going to do tell her then spank her butt and say this is what you will get from now on
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Read up on narsatistic behavior.
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try Mental health this child has serious problems.
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My son tried some of this back in the day , I had a friend who worked for CPS had her come pick him up suitcase in hand no toys and take him to see where he was about to get to go …. He now has his masters and a great job and just found out that my second grand child is on the way
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I feel this in my heart… keep with psychologist therapist and everything else. They will teach her how to control and manage these behaviors its going to take work. My daughter is 7 and shes going to therapy along with ither things
She needs to stay in therapy and see a psychiatrist. My daughter has ASD/ADHD and now they are saying ODD…she had to be put on meds because she wouldn’t sleep more than two hours and every day was so exhausting, and unfortunately I was feeling the way you are feeling. It was causing our family to fall apart. I tried multiple therapist and didn’t get any help until I found the right one. The lady finally listened to me and new it was urgent when she seen my daughter scratch me and kick me! As far as people saying “you,” are the problem, that isn’t necessarily true. We are our kids comfort zone and they tend to act out more with us. I really hope that you find the help you need. Mom to mom I understand how you are feeling and even though you love your child, it’s hard. Hugs to you.
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Down home
My dad would have taken me out back and warm my ass with his belt
That’s the problem with these kids today they don’t get there ass warm
We have all this bull crap!
Hugs mama! Similar situation here. Super heartbreaking I pray you catch some relief soon
Hold on…
She hits you? Wtf….
I got smacked for “talking back” or “rolling my eyes”. It was an eye twitch !! Lol I probably would have gotten a WWE beat down for even thinking about hitting my parents. No Joke. Maybe that’s what she needs, an old fashioned, grandma style whooping. Lol idc who gets mad at my comment. Mexican mommas don’t play with that type of nonsense.
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I honestly don’t know how people can regard this as the parents fault, while mental diseases are a real thing that has very often been diagnosed at very young ages. It is people that deliberately chooses to pretend that it doesn’t exist, that contributes to people denying such illnesses, not seeking help and overall getting worse.
Mom, well done for your effort. Recording might be helpful (and maybe not letting her know as this might cause her to act differently once again). I would advise seeking help for yourself to get out of depression and learn coping mechanisms. As for her… I would recommend getting her to a psychiatrist that might actually do a proper diagnosis and this might maybe even require admitting her in a ward. Sometimes kids act out and it may be caused by some occurrence or event. Sometimes kids have actual mental diseases that may be serious and needs intervention and help. And getting your child that makes you a great mom, and very loving at it.
Start recording everything then people will listen
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My son acts the same way he is 11, he tries to hit me, he lies, he steals, he broke windows out and I had to pay for the damages at someone else’s house, he cusses, my other 4 kids are fine but he is out of control. I tried counselors, doctors, etc, they found nothing wrong either, he has the school believing that he is an angel also so I recorded him, in the videos I have him hitting his head off the wall then he says "I’ll tell my teachers you did it, I said go ahead!
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My husband and I called the police out on our minor child several years ago to have a talk with her and what would happen the next time she was called to our house. It lasted a few years then she moved in with her mother and stepdad.
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Wow. My kids got a little willful around 3. My father-in-law at the time said kindly,”nip that in the bud. If you don’t show them who’s the parent and who’s the child by the time they’re 4, you’re gonna have a mess.” I took him at his word and the kids started standing in the corner or losing TV privileges for the afternoon then and there if they misbehaved. That helped a lot. So you have one that’s 9 trying boundaries? You’ve tried therapy? I would try another therapist. One that knows about ODD. You didn’t say if she was acting up at school. Just that she said at school she was being abused. She’s clever, that one. She will need someone who’s on their toes. As for you, a lot of people here are landing on you. My guess is that you were pretty permissive, used to think her tantrums were cute… even if not, they were let go too long. You should have sought help sooner. And, I wouldn’t rule out boot camp… I’ve heard it does wonders.
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Oppositional defiance disorder. My son was like this until he went to live with his father. Then he was a new kid. Broke my heart.
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video tape her so that your family and doctors can see how she acts and behaves
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You need to get her behaviour on video so you can get proper reinforcements
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I would try to get a referral to Residential treatment center
Send her to a long term girls home. For her safety and yours !!!
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Once again…this is what happens when spare the rod…spoil the child. Friendly parenting trend not working out so well. Spanking only ever teaches a kid respect and discipline. It is not abuse. Let her behavior go too long. Then try to say has a mental issue and needs to stay doped up so dont have to deal with the kid. Does more harm than a good whooping would do to start doping kids up at young age. May have to scare her straight at this point. Let cops come and take her to jail for couple of hours next time she steals or acts that way. Or boot camp all summer long. People gotta learn eventually…start discipline early or kids will run all over you. They get awful if dont have firm discipline from time they can walk…popping hands to popping butt later on saves you from seeing your kid turn into a thug.
Is it possible she has something really bothering her? Sometimes hormones can really mess a young one up…maybe a check up is due?
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She sounds like a narcissist
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Oh. And I am not saying counseling wont work. It is both necessary and beneficial. But seeking professional help (or a proper disgnosis) first sounds vital. Prayers for your family. God makes miracles happen.
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Bust her butt don’t beat her but bust her butt
video her then people can see
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Meet with school.for positive reinforcement and all get on same page…
Let her get into trouble and have her arrested for her actions. Allow her to go somewhere to get help as it sounds like she really needs it.
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Put her up for adoption!
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I had this for 5 years with my son after I split from the kids Dad & I felt the same way. Either she’s a Psychopath or something has traumatized her. Kids act because they don’t have the skills to verbalize their feelings, heck adults do it. You could try Ashwanghanda to start and try to stay calm and reasonable when she acts out. Set boundaries, stay consistent. She needs to learn this isn’t how we behave. Give her opportunities to say how she feels and if you can, see a Youth worker. Not a Therapist etc. A professional that knows how to connect with kids. Good luck.
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It sounds like she needs doctors that are more fit for her bc what I am reading is all within the realms of needing a diagnosis. Not every dr is skilled to do so and not ever dr cares, so it will take time finding these resources but it sounds like she can be on the spectrum or have other issues. Once this is done I’m sure medication and the correct form of therapy will make life easier.
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I will be the mean, bad guy here. Have you ever spanked her? To the ones talking about mental issues, I BELIEVE THEY ARE REAL AND CHILDREN HAVE THEM!!! But let me tell you a secret. Children are smarter than they were when I was young. They act out without fear of repercussions. They think “I will get put on meds and I won’t have to do anything!” Or “I can steal them and sell them” or whatever. Y’all give kids today too much coddling! Put a belt to her butt and teach her that if she wants to act like that, she will be treated accordingly.
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Get a counselor for you!!! Could help with coping and learning and practicing new parenting strategies.
I disagree with those who say a 9 year old is a narcicist, etc. Oftentimes the “problem child” or “black sheep” or whoever is targeted as the one in need of intervention has adopted maladaptive coping strategies themselves. Keep being curious and trying to understand! It sounds terribly challenging!
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You got a kid who hits you and you give her “time out?”
You have let the world, the media, and Hollywood convince you that spanking is bad. You believe the twisted logic that an old-fashioned whipping is a “bigger person hitting a smaller person” and other bs like that.
Your situation reminds me of what my father used to say. If you don’t whip your kids they will whip you one day.
Your kid is already whipping you. Get this new age nonsense out of your mind and discipline that kid. It is biblical and has stood the test of time since Adam and Eve. It’s also common sense.
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Set up cameras for proof. That way the therapists and other providers can help accurately instead of just going off her words
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You’re the parent…. Actions have consequences so discipline accordingly:woman_facepalming:t2:
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Send her a scared straight program.
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Really no advice for you as it sounds like you are doing all you can but just know there are brighter days ahead, that this stage normally don’t last. I had a lot of the same issues with my oldest son besides the hitting. That thankfully he has never done but he is now 21 & once he got a little older into highschool he completely did a 360 & turned from night to day. So I’m sure in your situation it will get better for you to. Just keep doing everything you are doing & if possible keep having her see a therapist or even one at school (alot of times the school has a therapist for the kids). It may not work right away but eventually it gets easier & better! Your not a bad Momma, your just stressed & you have every reason to be. Good luck.
Where might your child be seeing the following behaviors that she is now modeling?
Who in her life does these things?
Lie, steal, talk back, be mean, hit people, and resents doing work at home so refuses to do it.
Is it a person? A tv show? A social media application? Somewhere she has learned these behaviors.
These are also cries for help in someone who has trouble communicating.
I hope she finds a safe person to communicate her needs to and someone who can model for her the way she should behave with healthy ways to express emotion. I also hope she is safe.
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My cousin’s daughter is like this. One day, when she’s a teen I’d guess, she’s not going to care to hide it anymore and will take this to a whole new level. I took my cousins daughter in and had to have her removed after a few months bc of dating older men online and giving them my address. Having narcotics in my home and threatening my younger children. Once they know that you are aware of the real them, they stop hiding it and go crazy full force. Get help now! I urge you to use every avenue now while you still have some control bc I promise you, you’re running out of time!
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How about being a damn parent. Jesus Christ.
I know this may sound crazy to some but does she go to church? Maybe find a non denominational church and start there. Let her find a relationship with God. The Bible is all above love. Love your neighbor, yourself, and your parents. Talk to the pastor about the issues. I really think this could help a lot.
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Have you got her tested for autism or adhd? She could be suffering sensory processing issues. This can often be shown in bad behaviour
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Oh man!!
This is terrible!!
Have you tried getting her a mental/ emotional health diagnosis/diagnoses and/or checked for ASD (autism)? She sounds like my oldest daughter, who was 15 (almost 16) before I was able to get her diagnosed with “high functioning” autism… my second oldest acts out in different ways, she was 13 before I was able to get her a diagnosis of major depressive disorder (she may be bipolar) and ADHD… all 4 of my kids have PTSD (I am a recovering addict with 4 years clean at this point)… best of luck
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I can sympathize with how you feel I know that nobody should ever say this but I’m a step parent and I absolutely can’t stand my 9-year-old stepson he is horrible he hits he cusses he breaks everything he touches on purpose every situation always has to be about him the attention always has to be on him good or bad he has to have all of it you can’t have a conversation with anybody else not even me in my partner we can’t talk to each other I can’t talk on the phone around him he breaks my things just for fun his mother does not discipline him at all and then at our house we have set consistent rules it’s horrible and I hate that I feel that way about him I’ve tried so hard to be good with him and try to work things out but it’s to the point where I’m ready to leave the relationship due to this child’s behavior. He is on medication. But his mom doesn’t get him the help he needs. He meets every check mark for a sycopath. Nobody can stand to be around him he’s an absolute horror in the classroom we’ve had to switch schools twice now because of his behavior he did not go to school for 32 days this school year so far because he didn’t want to and he cussed his mom out and threw things at her so she did not make him go . I just don’t understand why his mother does not get him more help than what she does because she doesn’t hold a job and so time is not a problem for her she’s just lazy and she doesn’t want to make him do anything she didn’t even make him potty train until I came into the picture and when he was seven I was like no I’m not wiping his butt he is going to start using the toilet and he didn’t even mind sitting in his poop all day it didn’t bother him at all and I feel like there’s something really wrong there and I know that he needs help and I I would take him to therapy myself I would make the time to take him because I took my kids and you know I did whatever it took to make sure they turned out good and I don’t feel like they’re giving him that shot and he’s going to be one of the kids that they just pushed through the cracks and he goes down the wrong path and nobody does anything to help
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That lil girl learned allllll of those behaviors from somewhere!
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I hate to say this but, if you’re psychiatrist didn’t help, FIND ANOTHER ONE! Your child needs a diagnosis and soon. And sadly, if she doesn’t have a diagnosis, especially being so young, she cannot get the help she needs. And this isn’t good to be an overnight fix- this sounds like something she’ll be living with for life. If something doesn’t change drastically, you’ll find yourself visiting her in juve, or worse, the state/federal penitentiary. Your child has tendencies, and they’re not good ones.
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Does she know how you feel about her? Most times kids can pick up on that respond accordingly. Maybe try one on one time a couple times a month—that may change it. This is what they call attention seeking behavior, but it’s really seeking a connection. If she can’t get good attention (connection), she’ll settle for the bad.