Maybe try to listen without judgement? People can feel that.
Just drop her off in the middle of nowhere with no phone. Give her a book of matches and some water purification tablets. Problem solved. She’ll either figure it out or be tracked down by a pack of coyotes. Good luck 
5 Likes
You’re not taking the right things away from her. She can’t makes tik tok without a phone or computer. She can’t buy vapes, weed or inappropriate clothes without money.
2 Likes
IMO you’re not wrong at all. I probably would feel the same. Take away her phone and tell her to move to her moms. Maybe that’ll give her a reality check. ITS MY HOUSE, MY RULES OR FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF!
2 Likes
I’am making over $153 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 18345 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless
Chk This—>> https://dollarsearningjob158.pages.dev/
1 Like
This is what happens when there’s a second relation with another man,plus 16 years old nowaday are not like we where in the 70sGood luck ,you have a long road ahead with her.I really feel for you.I know all about what you’re going through.It won’t be easy or will get worse.
If one of yours start to give the same trouble at 16 are you going to ship them off to their father? 
2 Likes
Who pays for her phone…if it is you I would be taking that away for starters…
How does she get money for weed and vaping…those cost??
1 Like
I’m not condoning her behaviour but there’s a couple of things going on here. She is 16. Think back and be honest with yourself, what was 16 like for you? It’s a lost age. Too old for kids stuff but too young for adult stuff. Trying to find where you fit in. Her dad has a new family that she obviously doesn’t feel part of. Your focused only on the negative behaviour, start focusing on what is positive. People seem to see the fault in others kids and not there own. Are you wearing those rosy glasses?
12 Likes
Maybe past trauma I would try some counselling.
2 Likes
I’m so sorry, been there done that. Focus on your bio kids. Let her dad deal with her
6 Likes
Look into Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Whole family needs therapy to deal with this. I have been there and dealt with this, still dealing with it and they are in their 30s. It happens a lot with step families and adoption families. You aren’t going to get any help in this group, these people are all perfect, lol.
3 Likes
Maybe she’s got the vibe you don’t like her and that’s why she’s acting like that, I’m getting that vibe just from reading this
4 Likes
We were all 16 at one time and probably were a little rebellious, but I did respect my parents. Having step children requires everyone to be able to coparent and communicate with each other when it comes to the children.
What is allowed or accepted in one home may not be acceptable in the other home and that needs to be communicated to the child. It’s your home and your rules. There has to be consequences. Otherwise, she will continue to be a rebel without a cause.
You and dad need to talk to her. She needs to understand that her behavior is causing conflict and setting a bad example for the younger children in the home. Dad also needs to talk to mom and let her what is going on along what you all plan to do. If mom has no issue with her behavior, you all need to realize that if she is sent back to mom’s permanently, it will probably escalate.
I used to have girls day with my daughter (step daughter). We would go shopping and have lunch together. This gave us time alone to talk and bond. Little things like asking her help with cooking dinner with you are also ways to get her to bond with you.
Good luck
I think she may feel misplaced. I don’t know why she is living with you. But she may think if she’s rebellious you will return her to her mom. Showing you don’t love her. I would start with a counselor for mom, dad and daughter. Set rules. As you control the money. Take away things. Let the family know they will have chores. Not done? They don’t go anywhere. Sass back. An hour spent in punishment. Under no circumstances would she be sent back. She is a part of the family.
Sounds to me like you might think you’re a little bit better than her. it doesn’t matter what kind of music that she listens to. That sounds like you’re explaining a normal 17-year-old. She stays up late don’t want to get up that’s pretty much most 17-year-olds. And if you talk like this in front of her I’m sure she has a right to feel about you the way she does. just from your post it sounds like you think you’re better than her and her mother. Just because somebody’s different from you doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong. Sounds to me like you want a picture perfect child or you want her out of your house and that’s really not how it works. I didn’t feel any true love from this post at all. And I hope you’re too biological children or picture perfect or will you want to throw them out of the house too 
13 Likes
Have her checked for mental health issues. My daughter acted like this and she wound up being bipolar with multiple personality disorder
4 Likes
Have you taken her to the Dr? It could be a hormone or chemical imbalance…
2 Likes
She’s 16, sounds like you just have a rebellious teenager.
2 Likes
Ummm she’s 16 welcome to teenage years…
4 Likes
Put God in her life surround her with good people if u have to do it at your house. Invite a youth group over for a cookout go fishing go camping to natural for help. And no cell phones or electronics. Leave them at home
5 Likes
Take everything away
Phone door
Give a few clothes
No TV
You can’t get in trouble
The only problem that you will
Like I did is a curfew my daughter call the police on us because I told her 10:00 during the week they turned around and told me I couldn’t lock her out or we would get arrested and they can’t make her come home for 10:00 so it’s very hard at that age to be a good parent but we did take everything else away she had to earn things like her clothes her sheets the cop said we could do that no TV no phone take your door off and then we started getting some respect not a lot
4 Likes
If dad and you pay for the phone take it away, she’s 16 tell her to get a job or simply pack her stuff and drop her off at her mom’s. Shit if a younger child is allowed to choose it’s gender then she’s old enough for you to kick her out your house. Make her not your problem anymore.
YTA. A child is not a pet, you cannot just remove them when they get difficult. I can almost guarantee that she’s picking up on your vibes about her, and I have no doubt she will continue to match your energy there as long as she picks up on the clear resentment. She could have an attachment disorder, trauma, any number of other things causing this behavior, and she needs your love and help, not your condemnation and resentment. I would start with individual therapy, family therapy, and I also would suggest maybe trying to start spending some one on one time with her doing things she enjoys, like a little girls day of pampering, just something she enjoys to help bond the two of you, and bridge the communication gap.
7 Likes
You and your husband both together need to sit her down and tell her that her attitude and disrespect is not ok or acceptable and if she does not straighten up her attitude and keeps being disrespectful then she will have to move to hers moms. Tell her you have other children who are being influenced by her bad behavior as well and you are done putting up with her attitude and disrespect.
2 Likes
Put a person in need of supervision on her (pins petition) that’s what it’s called in ny they will put her on like probabation and then she will either behave or get put in a group home don’t send her back to her mom it sounds like she needs supervision or imagine what kind of adult she will become talk to the school guidance counselor they will help with it even if you only have her for the summer good luck
She sounds like a normal 16 yr old who is testing her boundaries and growing through a regular teenage faze in her life. Yes it’s annoying but it’s not a reason to send her back to her mothers. Plus she’s 16 she has her own thoughts on the music she likes and don’t like and why does she need a bedtime?? I’m an adult and I still don’t like getting up
My bonus daughter came to live with us at age 11. After meeting her dad at age 10. She had a hard time due to her past with her mom. She has seen her mom have plenty of guys walk through her life so has trust issues of me staying with her dad. She and my sons almost got too close over the years and that was hard to deal with trust me. She also started cutting herself due to depression and anxiety because she seen her mom do it. Her mom is currently in jail for meth. She is now 15. My boys are 18 and 17. My daughter is 14. My little boys are 3 and 1 who are her half brothers. My world is very busy as it is along with all her mental health but I tell you what…
I’m not giving up on any My children. And yes she is mine in my eyes. I love her as my own.
I’ve dealt with a lot of issues from all 4 of our teens and 2 Littles but would not change it for the world.
How was the past for her? Was she with her mom prior? Anything traumatic she went through? I mean my 3 older kids and her all have seen abuse and drugs and being homeless in their past so our teens have issues that they are dealing with now trying to live a better life.
1 Like
Try family counseling.
Continue to parent your children. Make them see what she is doing is wrong and disrespectful. If you can keep your children on the right path and stop putting so much effort on the negative, maybe the 16 year old will get it. You can only control what you can. Counseling for the family is another option
Coming from a proud step mama to a blended family of 8 kiddos, I’ve been here with my bonus kids almost 14 and 15 now boy and girl. It’s super hard and frustrating but would you throw your own kids out if it was them behaving this way? Of course not! It’s our job as parents to parent and discipline all of our children. I know it’s not easy especially when things that wouldn’t fly at your house is allowed at their other house,but you guys HAVE to set rules, boundaries,and discipline for your home and stick to them. Sit down have a family meeting let your rules and expectations be known loud and clear to all of the kids. It doesn’t matter what is allowed at their other home explain that when they are at your home these are the rules. Teenage years are rough 
you can’t just throw your hands up.you wanted to love this man then you also choose to love his children. You can still love them through their rebellion years and be very clear that your not against them but as their parent your doing your job.sounds like there is a lack of respect and resentment in all directions. They need to know and feel loved and comfortable with you. Best of luck!
Sounds like her Dad needs to sit her down and put her straight on how she should be behaving. She will just make you more crazy. IF coming from her Dad, maybe she would listen to him if he is the one telling her what she is doing is wrong.
1 Like
She’s a typical teenager, I was the same. But the way you talk about her, if she was your biological child you couldn’t just expect her to move out someone. YTA
3 Likes
Let her be a teenager to a certain extent but also she needs to show respect.her music taste is up to her ffs as long as she isn’t swearing in front of the little ones. I too would be saying something if her behaviour was impacting on the younger ones but be reasonable with her.if she has school the following day and is staying up late then it could have an impact on her education so yes set some rules.but give her space in holidays and weekends to have late nights etc
1 Like
Ya know, you had me til the line “I’ve done so much more for her than her own mom” then you lost me… maybe just maybe that is the issue.
3 Likes
Louisiana has a camp kid program could be the best thing for her you and your husband but when you get her in that don’t take her out it’ll be up to y’all to make her stay and finish it it done amazing things for my step kids
Mom and Dad have to get on the same page and y’all can make this happen
2 Likes
This is when you seek outside help. Something is going on…. Something you may not no or can’t understand. Have her see a professional who may be able to get to the root of it.
2 Likes
Are you uber religious? You try to show her THE better way, not A better way? Would you toss your kids over to their dad if they acted that way?
Maybe you are doing too much, and dad needs to do it not you. You compared her to your kids and made it plain that they’re the good ones and she’s the bad one. How is she supposed to act any different if she can’t compare to your kids anyways? You handle your kids. She’s 16. You don’t need to be playing mother. She has one. Be reasonable. You don’t get to pick her music and stuff. Let dad handle the vaping and weed and dress code for her. And don’t harass him about it. You don’t get to completely change everything about that girl bc you’re in the picture now. You’re doing so good with your kids? Her actions wouldn’t rub off on them then if they’re such angels. You really need to learn which lines to draw in the sand. Treat her like one of your kids friends, you wouodnt tell then what to listen to or what to wear and argue with their parent about it…but you would stop them from smoking weed while they’re there. If she rolls her eyes at you let dad handle it. You’re trying to play mom to a 16 year old that you didn’t help raise. That’s just too much.
2 Likes
Get some info on difficult teens & best ways to handle them, then apply that knowledge. Start at your local library. All parental people should meet to strategize and agree on actions, allowable behaviors, incentives and consequences. Having the same rules at each house might help.
Therapy for everyone. Could head off terrible outcomes for all.
Give your bonus daughter responsibility, control and agency over what is possible. Give her choices when possible. Have her assume some household responsibilities. Have her make dinner once a week. You and hubs teach her life skills she will need (cooking, laundry, basic car maintenance, how to pay bills, buy insurance, invest, etc.). Get her driving lessons. Push her to do “scary” things, like public speaking (at family events, being a lector in church, giving a toast at a family gathering), being a tutor to a non-related younger child, riding a scary roller-coaster, camping, difficult hikes, mountain or climbing wall climbing with training, learning to do something adventurous like scuba dive.
Get her involved in activities including the arts (dance, drama, singing—yes, even rap, visual arts). It’s good for expressing and getting out big emotions. Hip hop dance might be right up her alley or school of rock singing training.
Sports of course are always good. Have her choose something she would enjoy from soccer to swimming to gymnastics.
Not sure the age for Venture Scouts, but high-adventure supervised coed wholesome outdoor activities will challenge her in new ways, make her more confident in her abilities, provide good role models & potential friends.
Spend some one on one time with her. Clearly this is a child who is hurting and adolescence can be super difficult. Go for walks/hikes, do an activity together, preferably one where you both have to struggle a bit or challenge yourselves. Painting class, climbing walls, learning a new dance step. Or get spa treatments.
Have weekly or daily family meetings where everyone gets a voice. Zoom, Face Time or have the other parents call in too. Maybe have an object that gets passed to the speaker. No one gets to interrupt while someone is speaking. During the week/day write down all gripes and put them on the agenda. Then have to be griping person explain the problem and present a solution. Others get to ask for clarification and are encouraged to come up with other solutions. You don’t have to “grant every wish” but finding ways to be flexible helps.
Have her smoke outdoors only. You will continue to allow it if she talks to a doctor and attends smoking cessation classes. Have people who regret smoking talk to her, see if she can meet someone with a trach tube or who has lung cancer. Grim statistics won’t mean anything to her at this age. Ask how much it costs for cigs/vapes & calculate the money spent over a year on it. Ask her what she’d spend it on if she found that amount on the street.
Have chore charts for everyone and award gold stars for completing tasks. Have rewards for everyone who completes all their chores in a week (stay up an extra 1/2 hour, get to pick menu for Friday dinners or videos to watch, extra screen time.
Leave her with articles about the pitfalls of bad behavior without nagging. Enlist other trusted adults to give her advice, but mostly LISTEN to her & MAKE HER FEEL HEARD & LOVED.
She is probably lashing out because she feels bad about herself. See if you can find ways to praise and compliment her, difficult as that sounds. If you can find an area where she shines, build on that. You want to build her confidence, resilience and emotional intelligence. Tell her she can be a positive vs. negative role model to the younger siblings and put her in charge & empower her to do things (plan a birthday party for someone else, design a garden space, give her free rein in decorating her room with paint, posters, thrift store finds. You can always use primer to paint over black walls. Maybe martial arts, yoga, meditation/mindfulness techniques would help her with emotions and self-confidence too.
Don’t neglect the doctor in case she needs antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs, dermatologist if she has acne, nutritionist for eating disorders.
Be honest and open about sex and relationships, offer birth control if she will be sexually active. Tell her about your first time and your heartbreaks and how you healed. Tell her any of your relationship mistakes so she can learn from them. Tell her the signs of abuse & leave her with printed info to go over later. Let her know you won’t dictate her views on abortion but you can tell her how you arrived at your beliefs. Show her how condoms work. Be sure her dad talks to her too for the male perspective and how guys’ adolescent sexuality works or doesn’t.
Be frank about the challenges of pregnancy including what you went through, and how it can affect employment and advancement in the real world. Talk about how expensive it is to raise kids. Make sure she knows about consent and how to get out of a bad situation including that you’ll pick her up anytime, anywhere, no questions asked when she feels unsafe. Paradoxically more informed teens wait longer and are more careful about sex than those kept in the dark and/or told the only route is abstinence.
Good luck! You’ll be all set for when your other kids hit the teen years—and they’ll present all new problems!
I doubt you’ve done more for her than her own mother, who has raised her since birth🤣 Sorry not sorry but your husband is the parent, he can’t just opt out of the hard rebellious teen years bc his wife can’t handle his daughter. Kids come first, if you can’t handle his kid, then divorce him and leave with your perfect children. Where are you when your kids are staying up all hours? You’re letting them, then blaming the stepdaughter bc you are failing as a parent.
2 Likes
And when the other kids start hitting that same stage who will you send them with or will you just have to be the parent?
1 Like
Oh, and make sure that you tell her if she identifies anywhere on the LGBTQIA spectrum you will love her unconditionally, support her decisions about how to dress, act, be called and use whatever pronouns she prefers. Then do so. This might be a source of angst for her & lead to suicide if not handled lovingly.
Also, let her know you will not betray her confidences, and not even tell her bio mom or dad unless it’s something dangerous. It may be hard to keep your mouth shut, but you must for her to trust you.
The reward for all your hard work is a successful daughter (with a broad spectrum of the definition of success, not just your traditional milestones). You may gain a wonderful friend as she develops as an adult, someone to help you navigate a changing world, and someone to be a help & companion in your old age. Tell her of your hopes and dreams for her. She probably knows you currently think of her as a screw-up vs. a stunning work in progress.
I’d be questioning why this bothers you so much? What is the trigger for u, maybe you need to do some inner child work. It sounds as tho there could be some mirroring here or type of trauma u need to talk too
1 Like
Counceling is a must at this point.
watch Dr Phil he has a ton of episodes on this, basically you take everything away except the mattress they sleep on and they have to earn things back. Make a list of chores and structure.
1 Like
She’s a teenager. Whats your “better way”?? Because if it’s religion, I can 99% for sure say that’ll make it even worse. It’s sad that you want her to move to her mothers just so you don’t have to deal with her anymore. Would you make your kids move with their father bc you’re tired of dealing with them? I would hope not. Maybe you were an innocent teen, but that’s not everyone. There’s music I used to listen to that I’ve listened to now and thought “why the heck did my parents let me listen to this?!” 
if you think music with cuss words is bad, don’t even think about the cuss words she already says when she’s not around y’all.
3 Likes
Take phone and put password on internet…that ends making tik toks and videos. No friends… until she shows respect and responsibly. Your the parents. Not her. If weekend friends come to a hault she will get sick of that too until she changes her crap. Id like to see her do that in my house. Id never abuse anyone but she definitely wouldn’t enjoy her stay.
3 Likes
Therapy! you guys need to go to therapy together. Learn how to communicate better. start going on mother daughter dates WITHOUT the other kids. From her perspective, you dropped the ball with her and are giving her sibs the life she should have had. cant blame her for having resentment issues
Sounds like a teenager. I would consider counseling both individual and family counseling.
Let her go to her mum . she’s just stressing you both out and that’s not good for you guys relationship.wont be long before, you too will begin fighting,and probably over simple things.another alternative,Boot Camp.!
2 Likes
Well I’d wanna knock her head off so I would def tell her to straighten up or she has to go back to her mom’s. ! .
1 Like
Also a kid vaping and doing mary jane anywhere in my home… wouldn’t fly…turn her and her shit over to the pd…then see how smart mouthed she is.
Family counseling is an option to help with bonding.
Let the biological parent handle the majority of the discipline enforcement while you focus on building your relationship with the stepchild. DON’T be the disciplinarian. The experts all agree that the stepparent should not act as the chief disciplinarian. Despite what you might think the stepkids need or what your natural style of parenting is, harsh, authoritarian behavior from a stepparent is sure to backfire. “Unfortunately, this sets the stepparent up for having an adversarial relationship with the kids,” Korf says. “Until you and the kids are well bonded, they likely won’t see you as an authority figure and will resist any disciplining you attempt. This can make life for a stepparent very difficult.” Instead, see your role as similar to that of a babysitter, Dr. Papernow suggests. You can remind the kids of the rules and report misbehavior to the biological parent, but not administer the consequences.
1 Like
Needs counseling or therapy! You and your kids should not be dealing with this! He needs to have a conversation with the mother.
You should not be expected to deal with this! I’ve seen similar
Problems and it makes for a stressful unhappy home.
He needs to find help for her or I would send them both packing! Husband or not!
How much more can you do! You
are not her mom. This stepmom stuff makes you feel guilty! No! Your own come first! Sounds like his kid is
Trying to ruin your family! She knows what she is doing!
Similar problems with one of my daughters and her fiancés
kid. He is trying to break them
up and comes off as inoccent!
1 Like
I’am making over $153 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 18999 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless
Chk This—>> https://LifeStyle263.pages.dev
Co-parenting—the biological mom and dad need to get together and come up with a plan and follow thru with same type of parenting. Not letting the kid do what she wants at moms and then go to dad’s and have
Different rules.
They have to agree on one type of parenting!
1 Like
Putting all the stuff aside. Do you actually care for her and love her? You don’t have to answer me. Just think about it yourself. Ask yourself. “Do I love this kid?” “Do I love her like she was my own?” To me, it sounds like you don’t… the dad needs to also ask himself this. I know the horrible behavior can make your feelings feel otherwise… but deep down. Do you love her and care for her? If you do, change your ways. Change how you guys talk to her. Brainstorm together.
Maybe. You can start off by getting on any teenagers level… and use texting. Im 29 and have my grandma text me because we have different communication styles and her communication style makes me feel unheard and at times I’ll feel a sense of rage coming on and sometimes I explode because shes not listening. I feel horrible every time…
So…
We now text most of the time to get our words out.
Be in separate rooms that way if stuff comes up, its not an automatic rage fest. She can cry or you can cry and then get back to the convo…
Start off by letting her know that you care and love her. And that you were trying your best but it’s obvious its not what she needs, and ask her what she needs. If you can’t do what she needs ask her if you can meet her half way…
Try to see whats been bothering her. Tell her you won’t get mad (you have to actually not get mad at her for it) and tell her you’ll try to do better and be more supportive.
Don’t rage on her about what she’s doing wrong and that she’s being difficult. Just say that you’re struggling to connect and that connecting is very important to you and you hope that you guys can build a relationship.
And all of this can be done texting. You are getting on her level.
It is also good because you can reference back at any time.
So your solution is to make her feel like she is unwelcome and unwanted, when she already is obviously dealing with abandonment issues? Told her to move back with her mother? No wonder she is acting out. You basically said you hate everything about her and you want her to leave. YOU are the issue. Instead of telling her all the things you hate about her, why not try some positive reinforcement and point out all the positive things she is and does. She needs therapy, but lady, you need it more 
2 Likes
You absolutely can not force relationships. Mixed families are forced relationships. My husband and I figured this out a long time ago. You have to figure out what is best for the entire family.
1 Like
Idk where you live but certain states I think at 16 you can talk to her about get emancipated and going out on her own if she doesn’t want to respect her father and you. I’m not saying thats the right option or best choice for the moment but at the end of the day if the father and you do not want to deal with her anymore and have washed your hands, try the opposite, not caring at all. Explain to her its her life and which her actions only affect her now, not the family unit. Therefore she’s free to do what she wants etc, but on her own time, in her own home. I get maybe a counselor or having a deep talk might be a better first choice but I mean at the end of the day all women are wired different to deal with things differently. Some women would never give up, some would coddle her, some would throw her belongings in the trash, some would leave, and some would have kicked her out already, there’s no right answer here. You can have love for a step child/ biological child but not let it destroy your life/mental health for years. People with addict children suffer with this daily. It’s a very difficult situation.
I’am making over $153 an hour working online with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over $ 18766 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless
Chk This—>> https://dollarsearningjob258.pages.dev/
Sounds like a teenager
“I just want her to move to her moms” that really translates to “not my kid not my problem she’s messing up my ‘perfect’ family” I hope her dad chooses her over you because wow. Maybe get her into therapy?
7 Likes
Take away her currency, it may be her phone, her make up etc….if all else fails, take her door off the hinges, privacy is a privilege….it might not get better for a year, but it will get better 
. Btw this was my pediatricians advise 
3 Likes
My life be like “””oooo aaaaahhhh” “ooooo aaaaa.”
Dealing with almost the exact situation. I’ve learned to forgive and let go.
“Jesus take the wheel.”
So to speak.
The post up there 
that talks about….
—-Let the biological parent handle the majority of the discipline enforcement while you focus on building your relationship with the stepchild. DON’T be the disciplinarian. The experts all agree that the stepparent should not act as the chief disciplinarian. Despite what you might think the stepkids need or what your natural style of parenting is, harsh, authoritarian behavior from a stepparent is sure to backfire. “Unfortunately, this sets the stepparent up for having an adversarial relationship with the kids,” Korf says. “Until you and the kids are well bonded, they likely won’t see you as an authority figure and will resist any disciplining you attempt. This can make life for a stepparent very difficult.” Instead, see your role as similar to that of a babysitter, Dr. Papernow suggests. You can remind the kids of the rules and report misbehavior to the biological parent, but not administer the consequences.—-
Is where I’ve had most success. Put it off on your husband. Try not to let it spoil your relationship. For how he chooses to handle it. He chose to have a child with said mother. He and or they need to handle it. Spend such efforts on YOUR children. YOUR Husband AND building that relationship with the said step child. It’s not easy. No one ever told us it would be tho.
I also recommend a GOOD therapist for yourself. or some good vent session with a third party you trust. Because you’ll need it.
Oh and to answer your question, no you can’t just ship her off to her mom
That ain’t right either. Takes a mom and a dad to raise a child.
1 Like
I totally feel you on this one. My kids are 4 and 5 and my bf’s older kids are 12 and 15. They are constantly being a bad influence to the little ones. It’s exhausting. I would bring it up to your husband that her behavior is effecting your younger ones. And then see if there is a motified schedule that you could start with to give your household a break…maybe week on, week off? Or weekends away? Idk… I’d gradually make the change and make it be his idea, not yours
1 Like
Have you tried some one on one time with her? She sounds like she’s trying to cover what she really feels by acting out. Go to a movie with her, bush walk, cafe, anything! She needs mum time and you’re it.
1 Like
YI sound like someone looking to have a perfect puppet cs a real human experience. You either live the child for who and what she is or you should leave her father.
2 Likes
By the way if you were my step mother trying to force me into your culture without trying to meet me at mine at all I’d absolutely hate you too. 
5 Likes
You sound like you’d be real fun at a party, she’s 16 and not yours so chill out lady and go read your Bible
4 Likes
Take her ungrateful ass and whatever she came with and drop her at her moms…u do not need the disrespect in your house
Congratulations… you’re the step mother to your typical teenager… but I do have a question, if it was the other way around and it was your child being this way would you go send them to live with their other parent? Think about that.
10 Likes
You saying that you’ve been better to her than her own mom then saying you want her to move in with her mom…
3 Likes
Take away everything. Phone, computer, make up, straightener / curling iron , bedroom door, driving privileges. Make her give you guys her social media passwords. Don’t give anything back or unground until she proves she can act better. Teenagers can be hard, my aunt adopted me when I was 10 and I acted out as a teenager. Her methods I mentioned above worked on me.
6 Likes
She is her own person, stop asking her to do what you have been doing your whole life, you said it yourself, she has been raised different
If you trying to force her to do things she doesn’t wanna do, obviously she gonna rebel cause that’s the only way she can feel a little control on her life-by getting on your nerves.
Let her listen to her music just ask her gently not to let the other kids hear, and show her the right path like in what is right and wrong…her taste in music is not wrong…it’s like me telling you if you like eating meat it is wrong because I am vegan and I am forcing you to be vegan too…
I am talking from the POV of a teen who has rebelled as well…the more you try to cage her,tie her down and tame her the wilder she will get
1 Like
Why is your way of living better? I listen to music with bad words I always have and guess what I turned out amazing. It’s hard adjusting to step parents for one and you are so judgemental. My husband now is my oldest sons step dad and if he said some of these things we’d be over in a heartbeat. It’s hard going from just you and a parent to not only a step mom but now siblings she didn’t ask for. JUST BECAUSE PARENTS KNOW WHATS COMING YOU CANT EXPECT KIDS TO EASILY ADJUST TO THINGS THEY NEVER ASKED FOR NOR HAD A SAY IN.
1 Like
She’s just as much his child as the others. Would you send them away if they were acting like this? And where to? When I was 16 I acted similar and my mom tried everything to control me. It didn’t work but because of her unconditional love (not enabling just loving me at my hardest) when I grew up and had a child of my own I developed such a strong love and appreciation for her like never before. When I was in labor I had to have her there and even at 34 years old she’s the only person in this world that I trust fully and would trust her with my life. If you can’t love this child unconditionally and keep at it you don’t deserve to be her step mother to begin with. It’s all great to have the power of being called her step mother but don’t want to deal with the hard times that come with it. Just my opinion but sound more like favoritism for the children that are yours and a bit unfair
2 Likes
Sad to hear of a parent going thru this type of thing. 1stly she’s a minor n has 2 abide by rules at home. Maybe have a family meeting. That’s with dad, u n mom. If she’s not be 2change, she must go 2mom go 2mom. If dad has full custody then he can get a child physiologicalist 2 intervene. If she doesn’t want to change they may get her into a rehab. Nobody needs 2suffer this kind of behavior. Maybe she’s doing this 4 a reason
2 Likes
ɪ ᴡᴀs ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴ ɪɴᴠᴇsᴛɪɴɢ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ sᴏ ᴍᴀɴʏ sᴜᴄᴄᴇssғᴜʟ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴍrs Olgusya Gribova ɪ ɢᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴀ ᴛʀʏ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ɢᴏᴛ ᴍʏ ᴘʀᴏғɪᴛ, ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇᴘᴇɴᴅ ᴏɴ ᴍʏ ᴍᴏɴᴛʜʟʏ sᴀʟᴀʀʏ, ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀᴄᴛ her ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴠɪᴀ her Facebook name below and contact her on how to get started
The only thing i would insist on her stopping is the vaping. The disrespect is because you are being hard to get along with. The rest is normal teenage stuff.
2 Likes
For all the ones saying “she’s just 16 let her be” would you let you own biological child act like this? She’s a minor and the dad and step mom are trying to get her on track before she is in danger or enters the real world and shit goes south. If this was a biological mom complaining about her rebellious child you would all be giving her advice and not bashing her.
Better do something more bold if u don’t want to get her , I’m, her dad or any other adult in trouble with the law. And I’m talking about Bc of the inappropriate posting on social media or kept on her phone. Could be considered child po*n , depending on how bad it is, even if it’s only in her possession. Since u say it’s online too, be careful who she May be meeting. Sounds serious to me.
1 Like
if taking her electronics away phone and computer -anything she has acces to do tiktok s on for a month-put parental controls on it all
and sitting and having a family meeting doesn’t work
she may need counseling to help with the transition of adding the step mom and siblings.
how much responsibility does she have at home? chores?
does she have a car and job?
counseling could help her prioritize her life too and see what things she should be focusing vs what she is- also figure out why she’s acting out other then maybe not being used to you and your ways.
obviously this is a lot deeper if she has no respect for her dad or siblings either
counseling/therapy
this behavior will only lead to spoiled entitled brat behavior when they are older
thinking they can talk to you and her dad however she wants and do what she wants with no care for anyone else.
you are doing the right thing by figuring out what to do.
it’s ok to feel frustrated to the point that you just want the other parent to try for a while so a bad role model isn’t around the rest of the kids
but if you show the kids she has major consequences for her actions and that you’re trying to get her help that should help some.
The real question is what is the root of this behavior. Is this a new marriage? Where is her mom? Why is she not with her much? Maybe she’s acting out because she’s not happy and she doesn’t know how to properly communicate that. I’m in no way excusing this behavior but I feel if you get to the root of the issue you may be able to find the solution. Maybe find a counselor that she can trust and open up to about what’s really bothering her. For the most part teenage girls are like feral cats but this appears to be more than that.
1 Like
Sounds like a lot of 16 year olds. From my experience, when teens with her behavior don’t come to you about anything and constantly lie to you, it means they don’t trust you. Punishment isn’t always the answer, either. I know it didnt work for me, and I even grew a deeper resentment towards my parents that took years to let go of. She’s fighting her own inner battles, and you seem to be making it harder for her rather than showing love, care and understanding. I’m sure she feels that you don’t love her, and by the sounds if this post, it does seem questionable. Btw, PLEASE let go of the music with cuss words… she likes what she likes, and there’s literaply nothing you can or should do about it. Maybe taking a step back to assess the situation on your part could be helpful.
Side note: relax a little. It will help literally everyone involved.
She sounds like a handful. BUT the way you said “better way” makes it seem like you feel like her (and probably her mother) are beneath you.
3 Likes
She is 16 yrs old
Its called being a teenager
If that is your only issue
You should think yourself lucky
The reason you haven’t seen this behavior in your kids
Is because they aren’t 16 yet
Long story short
You are definitely in the wrong
You accept her father
You accept her
Please don’t become "the ugly step mother
You should try a different approach. Being authoritative doesn’t work with all people. Have you tried talking to her. She’s closer to being an adult than a child. Try to treat her like one. Have her get a job and give her some responsibilities. But you’re thinking about her as a throwaway… is that what you’d do to your own? 
2 Likes
Y’all shouldn’t be disrespect in y’all‘s house,
Tell her she’s the oldest , she should put a good example up for the younger
If she don’t follow the rules ,then I would tell her to get out
go live with her mama!
She’s at that age where she thinks she knows it 
1 Like
You said you’ve done more for her than her mother but you want to send her back there has her mum been a good mum to her? Have you thought that maybe she just wants her mum to be good to her? Maybe she isn’t that much different to other 16 year old girls and if you’re really concerned about her try family counseling you’re a parent you don’t get to just throw in the towel and be done with her that’s not a step mother
I think you should ask yourself if the situation were reversed would you be ok with your husband saying he wants your kids to go live with their Dad because he wants to stop being a step parent?
You are parents, he has children just like you, and you joined your families. You don’t get to kick children from their home and their parent just because you didn’t give birth to them. Get some family counseling to help or get yourself a divorce
3 Likes
I haven’t read any comments, so IDK what everyone else is saying. I think I will be in the minority, but here goes. Your step daughter isn’t doing anything that isn’t normal (although inappropriate) for her age. You only say negative things about her and her mother and only positive things about your children. You don’t even want her to live with you. It’s no wonder she disrespects you so much.
Your husband is her parent, he needs to set clear expectations and consequences that you both follow through with every time. (Sending her back to mom isn’t an appropriate consequence because living with her family isn’t a privilege to be earned).
And no more blaming her how your kids act. Everyone is held accountable for their own behavior, no exceptions.
I think family therapy and/or parenting classes would benefit your family as well.
6 Likes
no wonder why she doesn’t like you.
Sounds like you think your kids are perfect and she is just a big burden to you and your angels. The more you try to control her the worse it will get. And yes you are wrong would you just abandon one of your children if your husband had enough with them??
2 Likes
Ask God for his peace and then he will show the next step.
1 Like
Your husband needs to deal with this.
1 Like
Sit her down, together. Tell her that she us on the 1, 2, 3 plan. You tell her ONCE. 2, she repeats what you said. 3, if she is not compliant she gets consequences. My favorite was cleaning. If she refuses … she goes to live with her mom.
1 Like
HAVE YOU LOVED HER? Sometimes children that “act out” like that just need ATTENTION, LOVE and ACCEPTANCE! Maybe try to accept the fact that she likes a different kind of music, love her UNCONDITIONALLY and maybe she will just “find her way” while being loved and supported.
Sounds like a normal 16 year old
2 Likes