Over the past couple of years, we have created a close bond with our neighbors. We have three children(1,5,8), and they have one child(5). They normally all get along for the most part. Anyways they will come over in the AM to play, and if one of the kids does something or says something the neighbor girl doesn’t like, she’ll tell her mom she wants to go home. Her mom will literally get up and walk back home with her. Her daughter does this all the time. I try my best to correct my children if it’s something rude. Sometimes the neighbor girl will get mad over something so little, and she’ll still want to go home. The neighbor girl does it all the time that my five-year-old will ask her if she wants to go home when she comes over to play… I try to tell her not to say anything, but she’s only five and does understand. Well, when we went over there today, my daughter wanted to ask if she could play. We went into the house, and she yelled, “get out! I don’t want you in here!” To my daughter. My daughter was so hurt by that and started crying. Her mom didn’t say anything to her daughter. If that was my daughter talking to another child that way, she would have gotten into trouble. The only thing her mom said was, “she kicked me out of the house too.” My issue here is we are supposed to be going to a waterpark together with the kids, and I’m just not wanting to have to deal with how her daughter acts towards mine. I want the trip to be nice and enjoyable, but I have a horrible feeling about going. My husband doesn’t think I should go. What do you guys think? I don’t want to ruin our relationship because we literally live right next to each other.
Sounds like a conversation needs to be had between you and your neighbor. I would be upset if someone let their child blatantly disrespect my kiddo. I have an only child that is 5 but there’s no way I would let her go around being mean to other kids. Kids will be kids and not perfect but the mom needs to try to reign her kid in.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am unsure if I should go out with my neighbor and her daughter due to her daughters behavior: Advice?
The neighbors daughter is an only child, it takes them time to learn and play nice when they’re used to being alone and playing/doing what they want.
Family emergency came up.
If you have a bad feeling about going, I wouldn’t go. You could always tell her something came up. Just because they are your neighbors doesn’t mean you guys have to be buddy buddy either.
Go…but take your own vehicle. If neighbor daughter acts up and demands to go home they can go on their own. Y’all can stay and have a good time whether neighbors are there or not
“Hey, something came up and we cant go to the waterpark such and such day. Maybe another time!” And thats that!
Oops someone not feeling well that day
Being an only child is no excuse for being rude and mean. A lazy parent is the reason this happens. I would not go anywhere with them until the mom steps up and becomes the mom and puts a stop to bad behavior.
Dont go and cut contact I wouldn’t let anyone disrespect my child like that and I wouldn’t be friends with someone who wont correct their child
Nooooooo j s
If you are not comfortable don’t go, just say something came up. Maybe limit interaction with them. And if they come over it’s sounds like they don’t stay long cause the daughter always wants to leave. You guys can be friendly without always having to do things with one another.
If your gut is telling you no or unease go with it. Always go with the gut.
Nope! If she can not maintain control of her daughter at home, public events will be worse. I’d politely decline and tell her maybe some other time. Hopefully once school starts, the girl will learn to have better play skills
My only comment is you say that your 5yr doesn’t understand because she’s 5 but the neighbours 5yr old should get everything
you and your daughter go on a different day…can always say you were exposed to covid and gotta stay away from people for 10-14 days and regret not being able to go and for them to have fun
If your not comfortable totally fine for you not to go, don’t put yourself in that position. I know kids are kids. But as a parent you get to choose whats appropriate for your kids
Take your own vehicle
Little girl is a BRAT
I wouldn’t take separate cars, if I even went at all
If her behavior is that bad around just a couple of people, it will only be worse in a large group.
If you’re uncomfortable enough to tell us about it I say don’t go! You can the mom can be friends without the girls getting along!
I wouldn’t go tell your neighbor to stay away!
I definitely wouldn’t go her mom needs to know her daughters behavior isn’t cute and the problem will only get worse the older she gets.
Drive separately. Focus on your kids having an amazing day and let everyone know boundaries. No one needs to tolerate that, but it also shouldn’t cost your kiddos a fun day
Have you tried just talking to her?? Like maybe the 2 of you going out with no kids. Get some food and drinks and try talking to her about whats going on
Listen to your husband and you know that nagging feeling abt not going you need to listen to it. And why would u want to be friends with someone who repeatedly allows her daughter to be a little a**hole constantly to her n to your kids also? And your friend needs to grow some balls cause if she said a damn 5 year old kicked her outta the house too than your friend has no control over that kid whatsoever n it’s going to get worst as time goes on.
Don’t ho with then go with ur family
I wouldn’t go. Mom isn’t correcting the rude behavior and doesn’t seem like she ever will. That’s not ok
Guys, the neighbor girl is literally ordering her own mother around…
Just go, then if her daughter acts up that’s your reason for not going back no reason for your children to miss out
Take your own vehicle , if neighbor wants to leave say ok leave .
Sooooo … your 5 year old doesn’t understand not to say certain things, but the other 5 year old should. Nope, that’s not how it works.
Id listen to your husband. The other little girl it sounds like shes runs her mom and her house.yuck. sounds like gets away with any and all rude behavior.
I wouldn’t allow my kids around hers anymore tbh, idc if she’s your friend or not. I teach my kids they have value and to not let alone make them feel like less. She may be only 5, but 5 is old enough to know better Fr.
I’ve dealt with a snotty kid before.
Cut them out right quick.
I would not go. I would not want my kids to put up with that childs behavior. her mom clearly doesnt care and in time it will only get worse. Time to go your separate ways. I would point blank tell her your daughter does not want to play with her as she really hurt her feelings telling her to get out of her house.
I would simply say that something came up want be going ,But maybe another time, That may work ok.
I definitely don’t think you should go, because there’s a chance her mean daughter might be mean to yours again…even in the trip, and you probably don’t want to take that chance of that happening!!! And on the other part, If I were you, I definitely would have asked her Mom why she let her daughter yell at yours like that!!!
Don’t go. Never ignore those bad gut feelings: they’re there for your protection. I’m sure there is some legitimate reason you could find not to go, so it doesn’t negatively impact your relationship? If necessary, sign up for some task or volunteer for a project that someone has been begging for your help on, that will require you not to go that day.
Not much of a friend if she allows her daughter to speak and act like that to others. You should be honest and talk with your neighbor/friend about it and if she doesn’t see a problem with it after that then mom’s an enabler of bad behavior and was not your friend to begin with.
Well I wouldn’t go and if it was my daughter the child spoke to in that manner I’d have said sumtn to the child… her mother can get vex if she want… I wouldn’t care… u should have stood up for ur kid… u can raise ur child how u want and let dem talk how they want to other kids but not mine.
Nope… I’d have set her child straight.
Drive you and your kids separately. That way you have the option to separate if need be.
I would tell that neighbor that we are not going because I don’t want to espose my children to your daughters rude and bullying behavior. Maybe since you have kept quiet all this time the child mother thinks that behavoir is ok. Its not
Follow your gut feelings
Drive separately and maybe your kids will find other kids to play with at the park…
If she allows her daughter to call the shots, then she will probably understand if you say you can’t go because your kid’s feelings have been trampled on too many times.
Hey say by to that kind of torcher to your daughter .shut it down .not fair to you girl
If the parents can have a common agreement as to how you want your kids to behave, good. But if the mom isn’t on the same page as you are, its not going to work.
I wouldn’t go. And just tell her you can’t make it. Smile and be nice to her but distant at the same time. Don’t invite her over or get in her space and slowly she will get the point. You have to live next to her so telling someone that you don’t want your child around their child because of their behavior doesn’t go over well with people. I’d just distance myself as much as possible. I’ve had to do that with my neighbor now because she’s very nosy and has a lot of opinions. They get the point eventually. A smile goes along way. Just smile and be polite but very short. Keep your daughter away from that girl too. She’s a problem.
That would be the end of that friendship. My child would’ve gotten into serious trouble.
I would not let my child play with the bad mouth child she will start acting like she does and then you got trouble
Go ur self with ur children .
I wouldn’t go. This little girl sounds like she’s ruling their house and you don’t want your daughter learning such rude behavior. I would consider your daughter in all of this. She probably feels anxious when hanging out with the neighbor girl now and that’s why she asks if she wants to go home unprovoked. I wouldn’t want to put my kids feelings in jeopardy just because you live so close. Maybe also consider telling the mom exactly why you don’t think it’s a good idea. Sounds like this won’t be the last time they get play dates cancelled if they don’t change that little girl’s attitude.
I don’t care where they live. It’s not ok to let your daughter think it’s ok to be disrespected by anyone.
I would personally cut off all interactions of doing things together. the child acts like that because the mom allows it. the mom is even worse . just be the neighbor that waves hello and says hi or have a nice day. limit interactions to that. if she asks why then let her know that her behavior as well as her daughter’s is rude and unacceptable. then walk away and leave it be.
I had a situation like this and it’s funny cause I know now the same girl hangs out with someone that is just like your situation lol. Biggest problem ended up being the mom also never dealt with any of her own s*** and just talked about everyone else all the time so I knew it wasn’t likely she was going to ever correct her kid either. Ultimately I cut ties🤷♀️ It just wasn’t a positive relationship for me and I did not like the kids spending time around the kid and her behavior. You gotta do what you’ve gotta do for you and yours and if it’s always draining then it’s not worth it
I would have done said something to the mother about not correcting the child . That’s bad parenting if she’s allowing the child to act that way to others even worse for her to allow her child to act that way to her. Sorry not sorry I wouldn’t allow my child to play with her anymore. Soon your child will be trying to act just like the neighbors child. Parents need to remember they are the parents and not their children’s friends. It is the parents job to teach their kids right from wrong and how to be a good person. Most want agree with me or your afraid you will make someone mad. To each their on . Freedom of speech . Good luck with that .
Yeah no. Dont go. And start to cut back on visits greatly. IF the mom notices and says something tell her yours kids arent interested in being treated poorly by " friends" and leave it at that.
Stay away. Her kids a brat. and she is encouraging her brats Shitty behavior … She will either figure it out n fix it or deal with it on s teen level … Either way u dont want anything to do,with that!
I’d go to test the waters since the plans have already been made. If it went bad, I’d just never make plans with her involved again. And start to make the neighborhood visits less and less if at all. I don’t believe in telling or even uninvited suggesting how someone else raise their child…so this would be my way of handling it
Hell no. I wouldn’t let her kid treat my kid that way. I would talk to the parent about this and if they won’t correct it then bye bye. Your kids dont need that.
Go to the Waterpark alone. Neighbors don’t have to be friends
Go in different cars. Enjoy the time with your kids
You need to speak to the mother with your concerns. She may not like it but oh well. Your daughter deserves respect, if her child can’t give it end it now.
No way wud I go… And gud luck to that mom in a few yrs time
I wouldn’t let my kids play with her anymore and tell her mother why.
This made me quite sad. A lot of folk are assuming the child is spoiled, whereas I see an extremely sensitive, anxious little girl, who cannot handle confrontation. And maybe her mum struggles, too, hence the giving in.
My two girls are autistic. The youngest, now 14, still asks to go if she feels uncomfortable, so we have a deal - she must try to deal with the issue once; after that, she can go.
My older daughter is about to tyrn 21. Whereas her sister was diagnosed aged 4 ( youngest also has learning disabilities), she was diagnosed just 3 years ago.
As a child, she would be incredibly rude and blunt to others, but couldn’t take it when others did it to her.
We rarely socialised, because people didn’t want to be with us
Try speaking with your neighbour, without the kids around. Ask if everything is okay. Say how you’re sorry your daughter was so forthright, and you hope it hasn’t upset her daughter, as she seems sensitive.
As conversation flows, you might find there’s more to it, and the mum is allowing her daughter to rule her, to prevent major meltdowns.
Maybe suggest going to the waterpark in your own vehicles, and discuss strategy for any falling-out.
As an example, if her daughter wants to leave, suggest instead they go for a walk, or a different area, to calm down.
Remember, too, that this girl is an only child. It’s quite daunting to be with 3 siblings (who will usually pull together and back each other up).
Meet in public places, where this mum can take her little one aside to talk, and calm down.
Home is a safe place. If this child feels uncomfortable, upset, or fearful, no wonder she wants to go, with it being next door.
I do understand your pov, but man, I really feel for the other mum
No. I correct my child’s behavior fast and if some kid keeps acting like that then they can play by themselves.
Look Me being a mum I would just step in and talk to the little girl
this mum might be at wits end and has tried everything and just doesn’t say anything as it might cause the little girl to have a tantrum in front of the neighbour more then what she has seen
me being mums friend I would redirect the child myself and help
Don’t go with them. If the mom asks why be frank. She needs to hear how her daughters bad behavior is affecting others.
I would use caution handling the situation because the problem might carry over to school if you and your neighbor both have 5 year old children they might be in the same class. I would try to enroll ny children in other activities like dancing class or sports teams etc to keep them busy without the neighbor’s child being involved. Words spoken in anger to the neighbor could cause real.problems in the neighbirhood. Once this child gets in school the parent will hear criticism about her behavior from teachers or other parents if she has trouble getting along with.others. Your children can invite others to come over to play ir visit other homes to grow new friendships outside your neighbor’s child. Hopefully no heard feelings if there is just occasional visits with the neighbor’s child because you will be too busy avoiding the problem.
Take your own car and make it a day for your family and include her and then if she acts up then she can leave and you can still have a good day
How does this kid act in school when she can’t leave?
I would have stopped letting my kids hang around her little brat a long time ago. I don’t have time for that shit.
Don’t go and don’t let her play with your children
Dont let your kids play with an asshole and a negligent mother. If she cant teach her kid to be nice, thats neglecting her. Poor kids gunna end up in prison
If you go, drive separately
I’d of said something in a respectful but point across and If she couldnt of had a civil convo about it then forget the respectful if you want but id rather not go than to let my kid around someone that brings them down. That’s my opinion.
It may ruin your friendship but your daughter’s self-esteem is at stake. Maybe you can explain it to your friend so that she will have a chance to make things right
I wouldn’t go. I’d tell her that you don’t want to deal with her daughters behavior. She’s letting a child run her life. Maybe she needs to hear it?
I would simply say “After discussion my husband & I think it’s best we don’t go to the water park together. My daughter was very hurt by your daughters outburst & I can’t say I blame her for not wanting to be upset & disrespected by someone she calls a friend. We feel respect should be a 2-way street & teaching it is important to children. My daughter didn’t feel welcome or respected & we aren’t going to force her to be uncomfortable & disrespected.”
Don’t subject your children to that… If someone has a child that runs their life, let them deal with all the BS. No reason to deal with that drama.
Wow! I had a neighbor like this once… we were friends, kind of. She has a son older than my two. He would come over and take toys, ect. His mother never says anything! At the time her son was 12, my sons were 2, and newborn. I once caught him cupping my newborns mouth. I lost it! Needless to say, the friendship was over! I mourned the loss of my “friend” until one day my husband said, We’ve already lost one newborn child. He could have killed our son, and she see no fault at all in what her son did. Is that really a friend you want?
In the long run, no one can tell you what to do, but if it were me, next door neighbor or not, I wouldn’t deal with this! My brother is raising my niece pretty much the same way as well. He lives just a few streets from me. I never see him because I refuse to let his daughter bully my kids, or me. She literally runs him! Anything she wants, she gets. Anything. She runs the household. It sounds like your neighbor is doing the same with her kid. Ask yourself this, do you want your kids subjected to this? Is this friendship worth feeling the way you do? Best of luck.
Do not go with them.
Okay one that mama needs to get her head out her butt and realize how disrespectful her child is being and 2 for her to lock her own mother out, I’d get my ass beat for doing that, some people these days just don’t teach there kids proper respect
I’d go but in different cars. I’d also in a non confrontational manner tell your friend why and how you’re not going to allow your child to be disrespected. If she gets upset so be it. She’ll either do some soul searching and get it or if not who needs that drama for their child or themself.
If you don’t feel comfortable at a comfortable place for you-why would a public place make it any better!? I wouldn’t make plans if the issues were so consistent. But it is your kid and your trip!
I would cut ties Honestly she’s got some seriously issues take your family and forget them
Invite another friend with child(ren) that you know you’re kids already get along with. Make it a “play date.” If your neighbor wants to continue to let her child behave like a spoiled brat - then let them leave and enjoy your day with your other friend and her kids. Take separate vehicles. It’s of no consequence to you and yours. You might want to really consider if you want to continue urging these home play dates with your neighbor. Maybe all your kids don’t mesh for a reason. No sense in pushing it. You wouldn’t want your children to start behaving like her child would you? You can be neighborly and friendly without hanging out with your neighbor and her child. Eventually, this will evolve into a bigger problem.
As a side note: have you ever considered why her daughter reacts the way she does with your children in your home and at her own? Is it a sharing problem? Does EVERYONE help clean up the mess they made playing? Is anyone touching toys that might be important and off limits? Does anyone play too loud or too rough and not respond to redirection? Just something to consider. When there’s only one young child in a family, they aren’t used to being “part of a pack” yet and they’re accustomed to being the center of attention to no fault of their own. They’ve never had to share attention or their things. It’s a process even with brothers & sisters.
I had a similar situation, brought it up to the mom, things went ok for awhile. Then the kid went crazy one day while we were at the park and I had enough and flat out laid into the kid. I remember clearly as a child (33 now) the fear of getting in trouble by my friends parents……it’s not ok to parent other people’s kids but it sure isn’t ok to let your child be bullied either. And if it breaks a friendship then oh well….snippity snip byeee with their toxic selfs
I think you should go and if she somehow disrespects your daughter than call her out on it in front of her Mum. Maybe her Mum silently needs help. Dont let her get away with it though, unless the daughter has told her Mother yous kicked her out of your house hmmmm
It’s okay to say no. Boundaries are boundaries.
I cant teach a parent crap, good luck lost a friend over this same situation, some parents just suck as parents
Shes 5 its typical 5 year old behavior. Go and have fun.
Personally I would fall back on that “bond” once a week or once in a while is fine for the neighbor kid to come by but for me to avoid issues like that I would not allow them to come over so often. Especially be out with them. I’d tell them you can’t come, something came up and go another day without that family
Oh Lord I couldn’t go with her. I’d want relaxation and enjoyment too. Laughter and memories. I guess they could take their own car and leave 15 minutes after getting there. The little girl will have to interact with more than just your children.
Go by yourself and have fun other kids will be there maybe she can meet a new friend
I agree with comments about taking separate vehicles. I also agree with Dina Pfister-Doan about inviting another friend with children and making it a play date.
Sounds like her mom condones her bratty and rude behavior. I would of said something after she made my daughter cry like … don’t just keep allowing it all to happen. It just shows your daughter that it’s okay to continue to deal with people who are toxic and constantly hurt your feelings. 5 years old or not, she needs to be corrected and told it’s not okay to act like that or she will have no friends. I would take your kids to the water park with someone else’s kids so your kid can actually enjoy her day and not have to deal with the back and forth bs from the other kid.