I understand. As moms, we want those experiences with our kids. Unfortunately, this is the way it sometimes goes with divorce. And sometimes dads do enjoy that experience as well. You will find a lot of moments throughout your kids’ lives that you have to suck it up, bite your lip and smile as you allow their dad to experience some of those moments as well. I’m sorry you don’t get to do it the first time but you will get ti do it sometime. Every year is exciting to pick out new school supplies. Next year may even be better after he realizes what it’s all about.
2 Likes
Find something else that will make it special for you, making his lunch with you, etc. Your child is starting school, you have another 18 years of buying school suppplies. Put emphasis on everyday being special instead of the first day.
School supplies are just that find an organization that’s giving out free stuff and take him he will be just as excited.
Just let him get the supplies, i know you’re kinda excited , first time kindergarten and shopping. Let him do his thing hun
1 Like
Let it go, you’ll be getting him ready for his first day of school. You’ll be taking him to the bus. Those are memories not material!
6 Likes
I get it its exciting getting the supplies. Personally this year I wish I went without my son cuz I was gonna buy the stuff that was cheaper resulting in maybe $20 but the little booger didn’t want the 15cent folders he wanted the$1 ones and the biggest pack of color pencils stuff like that. Also got him few extras plus he conned me into a new backpack which he didn’t need. So I ended up spending $60. But hes starting middle school this year so it’s a new milestone a I got a few things for his locker. Theres a few more things I want to get next month to add to his locker stuff I would have liked when I was in school. I wish I could have gotten help paying for his supplies they get expensive. 2 years ago my dad bought everything for me which was a huge help.
Like someone else said see if u can go shopping with him so u can still experience it. If u guys don’t get along remember you are doing it for your child. It doesn’t take long to get everything so try keeping the peace for the half hr to hr it takes then thank him and part ways. Be glad he wants to help and buy things he needs. Lots of guys or girls out there aren’t willing.
2 Likes
Girl you better let that pride go and accept the help the fathers giving you. Some men aren’t doing anything for their kids… let the pettiness go…its just school supplies
42 Likes
I know you said y’all are so so but is there any way y’all could set aside those feelings towards each other and ask if you can meet him at the store and help pick the stuff out? I get wanting to be there and do it yourself. That’s what us mama’s do! Good luck with it all!
7 Likes
If you don’t have the money to buy school supplies with your son then just be grateful your ex is willing to cover that cost. I completely understand your disappointment in missing this 1st time thing but if you were the parent covering the expense, would you give the cash to your ex so he could enjoy this milestone instead of you? Personally I wouldn’t. But you could just let him buy the stuff then take it back, get the cash or store credit n re-shop for what the kiddo needs.
I agree with alot of these ladies, be greatful he’s doing something. Let him have his time, if you really want in on the experience ask to tag along. If he refuses then let him have it. There’s so many more years of school still to come so make sure to prepare before hand as much as you can save money the months prior to school starting so you have the funds when they’re needed. I know times are tough cost of living has gone up but it can be done, this coming from someone who was a single mom of 4 kids, having to figure everything out on her own, no child support, no father to ask for help or if i did ask for help they never could help with anything. I had to work 2/3 jobs to take care of my kids and make sure they had everything they needed.
3 Likes
Lots of schools here just as for a fee at enrollment and then they buy the supplies. So no excitement of school supply shopping. Grab a cool outfit or water bottle something special and let it be!
I wish I didn’t have to buy the school supplies. Saving my time and money. Sounds amazing.
Get a list of his supplies that he’s going to need and the size of clothes that he wears the size of shoes and underwear and socks and give that supply to the daddy you may not be buying the supplies you will be the one taking him to school for the first day
4 Likes
There are events in the community that provides students with school supplies. Most post on Facebook. Don’t feel bad,if you have it you have it, when you don’t you don’t, just do your best to get what he needs.
5 Likes
After having kids in school for 23 years I was ecstatic when I didn’t have to buy any school supplies last fall!!!
2 Likes
If you are so so with communication why not try asking if yous can go do the school shopping together with your 5 year old that way he doesn’t need to give you any money since he isn’t willing to, but you and your child can still be included in the getting what they need! 
1 Like
Your child won’t remember who bought the stuff. They will remember who was there. Be grateful that the other parent is helping the child since the child is 1st
See if yall can meet at the store and pick it out together…
Give dad the list the school recommends. You can window shop with your son and send dad pictures of school clothes that will go with things he has. Make some shelves or baskets with your son from boxes or bins from the dollar store and write the day if the week on them. You can help your son set out outfits for each day. You can enjoy the fun if starting school that way.
Are you upset that he bought the school supplies or are you actually upset that he is able to do it while you are not? It seems you are upset about the fact that he is “in control” which leaves you powerless which is only true if you allow that mindset. Nobody can make you feel inferior without you allowing it. If you change your way of thinking, you can actually be happy that he takes care of his child. If he would have given you money, he technically still bought it, you just shopped for it with his money. Shopping for school supplies is as much fun as folding laundry and put it away or scrubbing baseboards.
Don’t focus on the school supplies. If your child lives with you, there will be plenty mom excitement opportunities coming your way.
2 Likes
Well be happy he’s buying, cause I didn’t get that got help from my sister n brother and I didn’t care if they wanted to go buy it… gave them the list n I was happy as hell.
I haven’t read the other comments, but my only suggestion is to ask if you can come along just to enjoy the experience as well. Also, I’ve heard many women say the daddy’s won’t or don’t ever help so I would also say be grateful to be so blessed to have a daddy who is involved. As a mom, I do understand where you would feel hurt to not be included, but just remember you were going to do the same thing had he given you money…
Don’t complain because Dad wants to buy for his child. I mean at least he’s wanting to get stuff and is there to help. Maybe ask him if you guys can go together to get supplies.
1 Like
Council has school backpacks and supplies every year and also some have events food and activities for the children to get ready for school check when they will be doing this usually in the weekend call 311 they will let you know what district you are in and give you the phone to call the kids love to go
Suggest both of you meeting up together and making a few hours out of it and I know money is tight but maybe taking him to lunch or pack a picnic and then go shopping. This way you are still involved in helping him and it is just about him.
He will need more thru out the year. When he brings them to you, you label what needs to be label and your still doing it for his first year in school.
You are lucky he is buying. I put 3 threw school with no help from their father and a 4th threw 2yrs of high school with no help from the mother or father. But I do understand you want to get it for him. If he hadn’t got it yet. Is there a layaway at the store? You could pick out the stuff and put it on layaway. I don’t know if anyone still does that. Maybe order it and let him pay. Apparently this will probability be a standard thing when you need him to pay and he should be helping out even when you get back to work. Can you set up an email that y’all can share and make orders and he can pay? You could also use this email for his school stuff like communications with the school and stuff. If that does not work. Go shopping and take pictures of the items and price tag, take pictures of the sizes of the clothing. But it would be nice if y’all could go shopping together with y’alls child.
1 Like
Sweetie just be thankful you have a father who wants to be involved. A lot of men don’t. Maybe he understands you’re not working right now since you just had his second child and is trying to make it easier on you. In five more years you’re going to have two kids in school needing school supplies. Take the help when it’s offered. Just keep reminding him the closer it gets that your son needs these supplies by a certain date.
Man, I’d be over the moon if someone bought school supplies for my kids!
Make a suggestion that the two of you meet at store with the list and child. That way the moment will be a team effort for your child.
Suck it up and be happy the dad is helping. Ultimately it’s about the kids, not your own personal feelings.
Be thankful dad wants to help some won’t help
I totally get your feeling! Maybe take a few screenshots of things he may like at a certain store. And give home some “ideas” that way you can feel more involved and still get that exciting feeling. Who knows maybe he may take some of tour ideas and get those things. Try and be civil and be like I know that you know what he may need and I know you’ll do a good job! But I’m feeling this way…state your feelings. Then say maybe if I send you a couple of screenshots could you consider these items? And see what his reply is. Who knows he may be considerate and involve you. Either way! Your baby is going to kindergarten! How exciting, sad, nervous and happy you must be! I remember those days! Stressful too lol. I wish you luck and you’ll be excited no matter what I am sure of it! Take lots of pics!
Be happy he is buying it. Send him the list of stuff needed.
Get a job and then Buy your child what you want. Should not have had another if you cannot afford the first.
Just be happy your child will have what it needs…
I mean this father of my youngest daughter just offered to keep paying child support that he mentioned (his employer is already in legal trouble with child support bc they never send it so yes I understand he pays but I still don’t get it u know) but he offered to take our daughter who is 4 and have her live with him and he can help with her and still pay child support so I figured if he wanted to help me out so bad help with clothes or school supplies and nope but yet he could afford for her to live with him pay for all her stuff lol I dislike shady people…but for you why don’t you agree to him paying for it but see if maybe you can go with and still be apart of the process?
Not worth it in my opinion
It’s just school supplies
6 Likes
The phrase “begger’s can’t be choosers” comes to mind. Not to sound heartless but when we have to resort to help from others, we need the humility to accept the terms of their help.
On the other hand, I hope you are receiving child support. If you’re not, do what you need to do so that next time when you want to do something for your son, you can…don’t let him get away with not taking care of his responsibilities.
1 Like
I agree with go with him. Believe me, this will wear off. I’m to the point I’m trying to order or curbside pick up everything because I do not want to deal with the stores.
1 Like
Your child gets school supplies they need. That is all that matters.
1 Like
Doesn’t he pay child support ? And if you can’t afford school supplies or clothes, how the hell are you going to pay for a new baby ?
I have 4 kids & school supplies are freaking crazy expensive. Be happy he’s buying them. If it’s really that big of a deal for you tho, maybe explain the issue & maybe you guys can pick a day and meet up so you can help pick the supplies out? 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I am upset I do not get to buy my sons first school supplies: Advice?
Some places help with school supplies, go online, and check it out
Just be glad he is doing it
Ya your being dramatic
First time for him to…
You could always ask if he minds if you and your son go with since it is his first year going and you want to be involved since it is an exciting time. Or as someone else stated, you and your son could sit down together and organize it and get it labeled for school.
You could maybe go with them?
You should be thankful that he bought them….there are plenty of others that won’t even do that!
3 Likes
Just go with him and take the son along.
1 Like
As long as the kiddo has what it needs, I don’t see an issue.
2 Likes
As much as I would kill to have my kids dad contribute to school supplies etc. I know exactly what you mean! I’d be spewing, I love buying stationary and school supplies 
4 Likes
I get why ur upset but we forget Father’s also like to do the first also. Honestly he should of been big enough to say I’ll get this stuff for him and u get this stuff with the gift card I’ll give u so we both get to enjoy the firsts. But unfortunately with a split it rarely works like this. I’m sorry your hurt momma it sucks.
4 Likes
Buying school supplies is my most dreaded chore so I can’t relate try as I might. IDK…
5 Likes
Our school district buys everything in bulk and each student pays $30 - I think more school districts should do it this way. No more petty issues with not buying the right supplies & every student has the same things… Personally, I love not having to go back to school shopping!
7 Likes
It’s crayons. Count your blessings lol
3 Likes
You can be sad about not getting them, but… You don’t get to be mad that he’s going to go buy them for him as long as they get bought. That’s all that really matters. And if he’s not going to have time before school starts, then it would probably be on you, for not asking sooner. Pick your battles with your ex. This definitely shouldn’t be one. You’ll have plenty more years to go get his supplies for him
4 Likes
Just be happy he wanted to buy them. You will have to buy more supplies throughout the year. Also, you can go and buy extra for the house. Even if it’s kindergarten they’re likely to have homework.
13 Likes
To me, it isn’t that serious. I’m a pick your battles type person I guess. He’s at least buying them even if you don’t get to. A lot of us wish we could get just that. I understand it’s the first school year, but there will be more. If he won’t give you the money for it, try to see if he will let you go with him to pick stuff out and he pays. Then you’re at least part of it.
19 Likes
You can’t help your feelings. Own them, look at them. Learn from them. Right now he’s helping, and feelings are not good or bad, they just are. This is one of those times where you’re feelings are hurt but it’s because of an expectation you had and not anything that will effect the welfare of you or you children in a negative way. This is one of those moments in life where embracing the suck and pushing through is the best policy.
Like someone said earlier, pick your battles, and yes I know how hard that is, especially with pregnancy brain and feelings concerning our kids.
((((((HUGS))))))
17 Likes
Honestly, he doesn’t trust you are gonna use the money properly. It’s school supplies. You will be buying them again for the next 13 years and will be sick of it. Just agree on the backpack /lunchbox
9 Likes
I would just ask to go shopping with them. He sounds like he’s doing the right thing here. I’d be happy my child was being taken care of.
57 Likes
I wish I had that luxury of having the “father” buy ANYTHING! 
and what’s the big deal… Teachers end up mixing everything up anyways Get over it! Maybe next school year you’ll be in a better situation. You’ll have 12 more times to go do it yourself.
3 Likes
It’s ok to be hurt because your plan changed, but it’s his baby’s first school supply trip for him too. You guys could try and work out going together, but it isn’t fair to be mad at him because he didn’t give you money when you asked because he’s still providing what your child needed.
3 Likes
I wouldn’t be mad honestly but I understand the excitement. Although my kids school provides all school supplies free even backpacks if the child needs one
1 Like
Get him a few extra small things on your own . Be thankful he’s providing the extra . I assume he’s paying child support . When you share a child you share the experiences as well . Like someone said ; pick your battles .
6 Likes
This is what child support money is for…so you so don’t have to ask your ex for money for your children’s needs.
3 Likes
I’m a mom of 6. Bought 1st school supplies 3 times, it’s not fun.
Personally I understand both sides, I mean does he pay child support? Bc if so use some of the child support money on it.
But maybe ask if you can bring yalls kid and meet up and have you guys help.
Bc really besides clothes the only things you pick is pencil boxes, backpacks & lunch boxes.
Everything else is just basic stuff.
1 Like
That’s like trying to keep them to yourself every holiday. Split parents means not everything is gonna include both of you, especially if you have a strained co parenting relationship
1 Like
You should get over it. He’s willing to get the supplies and as women, we tend to always experience the “good” stuff with our kids. Even when it’s 50/50 custody, it’s truly not, and many fathers miss out. Let him have this moment.
16 Likes
I would kill to have my baby daddy buy just one of his three boy’s school supplies…just one year😭
11 Likes
Maybe find a job so you can support yourself and you child so you don’t have to rely on him and can get the things the child needs for when he with you and dad gets supplies for when he has child x
4 Likes
I say if you want to buy some school supplies do it. Because some of the basic stuff could be used in the first and second grade if you can store it in a little closet area. But I get it cuz I had an ex but I bought everything
Honestly, as someone who isn’t with the bd and is big on the “firsts”, the only thing you can do is just express it to him. Tell him that this is the first time y’alls child is going to kindergarten and it may not be a big deal to him but it is to you. Tell him that for one whole hour, if y’all can just put y’alls shit to the side and get him the school supplies he needs from the store together and how it would mean a lot to you.
1 Like
I get the excitement, but he is the one paying for it so 
I would say “I really appreciate it! I’m very excited and have been looking forward to school supply shopping, so can I come with you guys?”
6 Likes
Go ahead and buy things, your child will need it during the school year anyway. Maybe just be glad he is willing to help some don’t
Can you go together? You both should get that first time.
4 Likes
Hes probably having the same dad excitement…if your not able to pay for them, I would just count my blessings and let him do it. There are many many milestones in school, you will have plenty to enjoy.
1 Like
Maybe if you shared with him how much it means to you to be apart of this for your sons 1st experience going to school.
I think he may be looking at it from a Dont worry I got it covered angle moneywise…and may truly just not be thinking about it from the emotional connection that you are
If that doesn’t change things then let him buy the big things like backpack and such and spend $20 at the dollar store and fill it up with your son!
1 Like
You should be getting child support be for the two babies .
2 Likes
Unfortunately, there will be many more of these situations for years to come. It was so hard for me too, but it comes with shared custody. Hang in there, you’ve only just begun. I pray yours isn’t as mentally unstable as mine.
1 Like
Every single thing neeeeds to be called out. We did not call out holidays and he derives pleasure from keeping them on our first separate Mother’s Day. He said we did not make remuneration for that. Oh my god. It made his day to keep them for that day. He was Jewish. Why would you have them for Christmas 
. Jerk. Protect yourself. Stay married for ten years if you can so you can claim under his social security. Protect yourself.
2 Likes
I know it would have been great to get your sons first school uniform etc,Let him get your child’s school stuff , you will have other times to get your son school supplies , at least your ex has the decency to help you 
We sent money for kindergarten so some people don’t get to do that anyways
I get your sad you miss out on this first but at least it’s getting paid for
It sounds like you’re each being a little sensitive and competitive on the issue. Quite normal. Rather than set up a big tug of war over this, how bout let him buy what he thinks is needed this time, and you just concentrate on truly listening to your little boy when he tells you about kindergarten. Read to him -they say it’s very very important. Make a special snack for him when he comes home from Kindergarten. Teach him to help with the baby in small ways. After a while you will develop better give and take with the ex husband, I’m hoping.
1 Like
If you wanted to buy the stuff you should’ve made the money to do so smh
2 Likes
I understand your feelings. Next time there is a first make sure you have that money stashed. That way you will be sure to be able to do it.
1 Like
It’s hard when those moments come around but it’s not about you. It’s about your kids getting what they need
1 Like
What difference does it make who pays as long as your child has what he needs
He doesn’t need a list as most stores have it posted for kids. Let him get them as you will be the one to take him to school his 1st day. Be nice!
1 Like
Okay I’m talking in the mic depending on where you live there are places that help with school supplies so you might like to check in to different places there’s churches there’s Catholic Charities there’s many many many more places
Don’t make it into a fight. You will have PLENTY of opportunities to share in your son’s K experience: Halloween, Christmas, cupcakes, class events etc. Enjoy and take lots of pics❤️
1 Like
Suggest you go with …. It’s for the kids
2 Likes
Be happy he’staking care of the supplies, write down a few itemsand send the list with them
it will be fine
Give dad a chance if he fails get those cat claws out.
Would yall be able to handle going together that way your both involved
Same thing happened to me and I was sad but learned to just appreciate these kinds of thing…comes in real handy when your overwhelmed. I also never ask my ex for money if I really want to buy something, I just keep it simple and communicate.
1 Like
Maybe yall can go shopping together