Start filling for divorce but give him a taste of what he’s missing. Get yourself done up with nice hair, makeup and clothes and start going out. You don’t have to date, go out to your girl friend’s house, visit family, whatever. He’s going to see you all done up and get jealous because he’s going to assume you’re moving on.
7 Likes
File for divorce! He’s cheating and possibly moving assets. He can’t have his cake & it too…sounds like he wants you there waiting in the wings in case his living his life scheme doesn’t work out for him. Find you a place. Find any and all paperwork for assets…401k, pension plans, vehicles, house and file for divorce
4 Likes
Hes done with you. That is very clear. He also doesn’t seem to have any intentions on working on his relationship with you. Best for you to try to accept that and move on with your life. Regardless if he’s cheating or not, you should have papers drawn and serve him asap.
1 Like
WELL GET GOING THEN !! File for your DIVORCE !! But Get YOUR PROOF !! AND BE DONE WITH THAT!! You Will Be HAPPIER!!! Like what some person said On here!!! He is already gone !!!Praying for you !!
1 Like
He’s gaslighting you. You’re not throwing anything away getting a divorce since he already did that. You’re reclaiming your life. You dont need him to give a sense of direction. You lead and have fun with your new beginning
3 Likes
Just go file… he has clearly made his choice.
5 Likes
Pretty sure you know you need to move on. You are unhappy and do you really want your life to be like this? What is happening is he has the “grass could be greener” over there but is content with what he has right now. (Basically everything in his favor-single life, someone there to clean and try to get attention he withholds, other women thinking he will treat them better than you). Don’t waste time anymore because when he says “you are throwing it-all away” he is deflecting the “failure” to you not him. Stop falling for his mind games. Serve him papers and move on. A life on your own terms is better than being a doormat for him to wipe his feet on.
4 Likes
Adultery (like the scarlet letter) is a thing. he can definitely get in trouble for being married and cheating. That is breaking a law binding contract + a promise before God.
Pretend he doesn’t exist and live your life. Slowly start putting money away. File divorce paperwork and get the hell out. Emotional cheating is the same as physical cheating
7 Likes
Leave. I feel like he’s already made up his mind he just doesn’t want to hurt you. Maybe he doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy in the situation…but his mind is definitely made up.
2 Likes
He’s already done. He’s just trying to make it seem like he’s doing nothing wrong. It’s time for you to move on!
2 Likes
Yep, let him go, he’ll see the mistake he’s made once you file for divorce. You look like for yourself, don’t baby him. He’s only using you! And i know it hurts bc I’ve been there but believe me you’ll be better off in the end. Good luck to your new adventure its gonna be awesome!
1 Like
Kick his ass out and live your life. They will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Good luck.
He wants to move on from you but he hasn’t secured someone to take your place. So he’s going to gaslight you so you’re available if it doesn’t work out. Leave and make yourself happy, you don’t deserve it.
9 Likes
Be gone girl. There is absolutely no reason to be treated in this manner. You laid it out there, no words of wisdom needed from anyone. Make a plan, visit with a lawyer and move on. You do not need a man to be happy, but having self respect is.
1 Like
He’s waiting for you to make a move. He is doing what he wants when he wants with no consequences. He has his cake and eating it too, he has a wife and a girlfriend and neither is taking actions to put themselves first.
1 Like
FILE FOR A DIVORCE. He has already cheated and has divorced you
1 Like
Throw the whole husband away and move on from him. You deserve so much better than all of that.
2 Likes
Do not feel like you’ve been put in time out in your own marriage! In most states it doesn’t take a whole lot of money to file. I’d file and have him served. If he changes his tune, so be it. However I don’t see it happening! I’ve been in your shoes and I don’t regret my divorce at all
That was really hard to read😔. You should have left weeks ago girl. Don’t let him stop you for doing you❤ Run babe Run
3 Likes
Dress up one Friday night. Makeup, hair, nails, hell, even toes. Tell me where you are and we’ll find a drop dead gorgeous guy to come knock on your door and take you out right in front of your asshole husband. and then you can just act all guilty like his cheating ass caught you. Your not throwing anything away. He did, the first time he messaged that woman. He killed it, when he moved outta your joint bedroom and cremated it when he started locking his shit up. Don’t let him test drive replacements while keeping you for a back up plan too. Or get real fucking mad and go to your cell phone provider and get a replacement of his phone. A clone. Or talk to a rep about what app would be best to tail his ass. Then you and your rent a stud can accidentally bump into his shameless ass. He’ll either come crawling back fast as you can blink, or he’ll remove his sorry ass from your sanctuary. (I’m gonna be single til the day I die…I know)
Im sorry but from my end… It Sounds like he needs a place to stay.so kick him out now!!!
1 Like
Affairs usually last 3 months when its over your not going to feel the same about him. Start saving money, start packing things that you dont want to lose.
2 Likes
He’s clearly starting to move on I don’t get what’s being asked …
You already have your answer. When words don’t match actions, that is the answer.
1 Like
Take steps back dont be mean to him don’t question cause you already know try to go do things with friends you’ll know when its over cause he will be depressed
It’s over hunny. Move on I’m sad to say.
1 Like
You will not feel the same about him
If he is playing , you can get to be playing too
Leave his ass , let them have him
He’s using u as a security blanket to fall back on…what are u even asking? Leave this man, he’s done. And you need to be too.
2 Likes
Soon as he told you he wasn’t happy time to go kick rocks
Baby get your girls and go out and have fun! Don’t sit there depressed……Play his game…you don’t have to cheat but it’s time to enjoy your life! What ever is making him unhappy you have to also be unhappy! He has disrespected you and will continue to… he is shifting the blame on you ….Tell him to move don’t let him push you out…… Again everything he is doing do the same thing
2 Likes
Number one he doesn’t want you to divorce him because he doesn’t wanna pay you alimony number two he is not happy in the relationship one bit Number three If you could get counseling maybe fix it fine if not and I do not use this often I will leave
1 Like
Sounds like you’re not throwing much away if this is how it is. You say he’s not giving you direction, no response is a response. Cut him loose.
1 Like
Sis from experience: work on yourself, stack up that savings, leave when your ready and don’t look back.
3 Likes
throw it away…the whole man away that is.
1 Like
If you don’t feel like you have direction, take direction back. If what’s going on isn’t good enough, take your life back and proceed on your terms, whatever they may be.
1 Like
His behavior is proof enough you’re wasting your time playing his head games
I would serve him with divorce papers
4 Likes
You know the answer to this… move on and find someone who will love and appreciate you
6 Likes
Hes already gone, darling. Move out if it’s his house and file for divorce. If its your house, file for divorce. If its both of your house, file for divorce.
Anyway you look at it, he’s already left the marriage.
10 Likes
Hes made his choice… pull the plug
4 Likes
Time to make the decision for him. Just divorce him. You’ll see his true colors immediately when you do too.
7 Likes
He threw it all away the second he starting entertaining someone else. And the fact that he’s backed away from you? You don’t have to leave right away but an exit strategy would not hurt
11 Likes
Get yourself some counseling to help sift the wheat from the Chaffee…
1 Like
I think I was married to this man… divorce, it was the best investment from a narcissist. You deserve a life, to be happy and not feel like you’re a private investigator. Don’t let him dictate your happiness and well being.
4 Likes
“You’re throwing it all away” = “I would like to continue enjoying the comforts of our marriage, but I’m not willing to make the slightest effort”
Oh, and him not initiating the divorce is just so he can exit the marriage with zero accountability for destroying it.
You don’t need answers from him. You have all it takes to make an informed decision in your own favor. And regardless of which decision, please lawyer up.
8 Likes
You’re now on the side waiting for him, if it doesn’t work out with this chick. If you have the means to leave (financially) then you should. Never be someone’s Second Choice!!
1 Like
He’s just living the life he could have had before you chained him down. Let him get it out of his system and he’ll come around. He obviously wants to be with you because he doesn’t want you to throw it all away. Just be a good sport.
9 Likes
Call a divorce lawyer get papers and instead of saying divorce have them served to him or throw them on his cheating chest when he’s lounging on the couch
3 Likes
Also document or record him saying all this admitting to meeting and saying he doesn’t know what to do ect it will work in your favor
2 Likes
Take the step to get the divorce papers and hand them to him and say you’ve made the decision
1 Like
I’m sure he’s been doing this for a while and just got caught this time that’s why he was so prepared usually they deny ect
2 Likes
HE’S throwing it all away.
4 Likes
You know the answer in your heart: divorce
1 Like
Get your life together alone now.
2 Likes
he can move out and figure out what he wants in life. clearly he doesn’t want just you
4 Likes
Seems like he likes the place to stay. Kick his ass out
Silence speaks volumes…
3 Likes
Counseling for you to find your next step. But is a lot of time, but you don’t need to feel like his back up plan
1 Like
Then pretend he doesn’t exist either. You don’t need that bullshit. Either he works on it WITH YOU OR HE WATCHES YOU LIVE 
YOUR LIFE Claim the goddess that u are! Regardless of the love/time invested in someone! Because WHAT. AB. the love and time invested in YOURSELF.
You are entitled to half of everything he has…of course he doesn’t want a divorce! Divorce him, take what you’re entitled to and enjoy your life
4 Likes
Start managing your finances now so uou aren’t caught off guard. Protect yourself. His energy is going elsewhere. HE is throwing it away and sending family time and money elseshere and not taking responsibility.
4 Likes
move on, he has already
2 Likes
Leave hun . My ex did almost the exact same thing ! Your man is searching for someone or something else meanwhile making you sit n wait just so he has a back up plan in case it doesn’t come through, or he’s doin it cuz he doesn’t want the expense of divorce either way you don’t deserve to be strung along ! You have to have your own self worth ! I’m not saying it’s goin to be easy , it’s not, I don’t know if you have kids (I did 5) but we got through it & they saw & heard a lot more then I realized when I tried so hard to protect them from it all , you’ll find out the kids are not happy either . Good luck
3 Likes
Um…why are you still there??
Get your ducks in a row and move forward in your life. If he wanted to make things work he would reach out and not talk to other women. He probably doesnt want to give up his 1/2 that your entitled to or pay child support/spousal support etc and find a new place to live. But hes not staying because he loves you and you deserve better
1 Like
He’s right. You’re throwing it all away because he sounds like trash. Put him in the bin, and get those divorce papers. You’re allowed to get to live your life too.
I’ve been in this exact situation with a man(boy) I lived with. He is just using your kindness to his advantage right now and doesn’t have the balls to break it off quickly for your sake. He has already made up his mind, he’s separated himself emotionally from you, he just doesn’t have the courage to admit that he’s the one throwing a good thing away. Do yourself the biggest favor and get out of that unhealthy situation. If you stay it will only mean more heartbreak for you. Again, speaking from experience. Take care of yourself- because someone’s got to!
1 Like
file for devorse …now…also empy your joint bank accys…
1 Like
Just another gaslighting narcissist who wants his cake and eat it too. He is playing the field and keeping you around just in case it doesn’t work out for him. He is pretending you don’t exist because he feels somewhat guilty for what he is doing. If he doesn’t have to face you, he doesn’t have to admit what he has done. Personally, I would not be able to stay with someone who cheated on me. However, there are people who stay in the marriage after they have been cheated on and have worked it out. It takes two to make a marriage work and trust is a huge component of a successful marriage. I would think long and hard about whether you want to stay in this marriage or not. Good luck to you.
2 Likes
I’d go as far as to say he’s being abusive. Wants his cake and to eat it too. Plan your exit and steel your will.
Be careful, I’m willing to bet the tune will change once the divorce process starts. That’s when he’ll look for weaknesses.
2 Likes
Prepare yourself for a new and happier life without him! Save up some money, and file for divorce! You deserve better! Show him that he will not treat you this way, he seems to want to end things on his terms. Don’t allow that… you’ve allowed enough already. Pick yourself up, go meet new people, and find yourself all over again in new ways!!! No one should be strung along like that.
3 Likes
In most states, if the marriage lasted over 10 years, you can get lifetime alimony. Just don’t blow it by cohabiting with another man. Go get him where it hurts.
2 Likes
Girl, live your best life to the fullest. He does! You deserve happiness just the same as he does.
1 Like
His actions prove. You deserve a real relationship. Do what you have to do for you and get out and move on. It’s better than not trusting someone always wondering what he is doing and letting him walk all over you. Hope you find true happiness and loyalty
2 Likes
Leave. Just leave. This is the cycle of abuse (constant discarding and then blaming you for throwing it all away once you accept that it’s over), and it will go on forever until you put an end to it. Just beware. Once you file, things will get way more escalated. He’ll swear he wants to work it out. And, from my experience, he’ll do this all over again as soon as he thinks you’re comfortable again.
1 Like
Get out of there. Or better yet kick him out. File for separation. If he isn’t cheating, he’s about to.
2 Likes
Divorce especially if he is not talking to you or providing answers to why he was communicating with other women
I’m not a fan of telling anyone to throw away their marriage, particularly a stranger on the internet when there is probably a lot I don’t know. But this sounds like he’s keeping you to sort of hedge his bets.
Likely he knows that he has you there but can test the waters. As long as you accept this, he’s going to continue doing what he’s doing. He’s saying he doesn’t know what he wants and that he’s not happy with his life. Who really knows what that’s about- it could be depression, midlife crisis, anything. If he isn’t willing to get help to figure it out, there’s not much you can do about it. What you CAN do is figure out what YOU can stomach.
Personally, if it was me, I wouldn’t jump to divorce. There’s an in between and divorce should be a last resort. First thing I would do is find myself a good counselor to talk things through. I would also find myself an apartment and lay it out for him. Tell him that he said he wants to live his life and since that doesn’t seem to include you, you are going to do the same. But if you are each going to live your lives separate from each other, you will be living separate from each other. I would then not contact him unless absolutely necessary. Who knows, you might find that you are happier. He might find that he’s not happier. But it will give you a chance to get away from the day to day hurt you must be feeling watching him exclude you while he’s “living his life”.
You always have the option to file for divorce but after 14 years of marriage I think it’s a step you take after you have exhausted all other options that YOU can stomach.
2 Likes
I’d be gone…went through almost the same thing with my ex
So he’s gaslighting you
1 Like
Divorce and make sure to empty any joint accounts before he does and make sure you have plenty of proof
2 Likes
Hope this makes u smile a little bit. But serisouly dont settle for nothing than everything you deserve life is to short to be anything but truly happy! If you were doing those things to him do you think he would deal with it? Noooo. It is hard to let go but you were fine before him and you will.be better woth out everything he is doing to you
3 Likes
Go to your local court house and get a divorce package. Fill it out and give it to him girl. Stand strong, be firm, and lean on people who care for you.
1 Like
Easier said then done i know… but go file for a divorce. Do not waste another day. Please TRUST ME!!!
2 Likes
Value your self dont wait for him to give you a value.
You both sound terrible.
1 Like
He doesn’t deserve your commitment I’d be moving on without him. File for divorce, change the locks, and go to therapy because it’s hard to process such a devastating life event
2 Likes
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I went through a very similar situation 2 years after I got married. My take on this is that he’s keeping you around “just in case”. You don’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone. I suggest you move on like he has and take the further step of filing first. Show him you don’t need him nor want him anymore. You’ll be so much happier after everything is said and done. Best of luck
5 Likes
When you serve him papers then he will know. He had already made up him mind he just doesn’t want to let you go to do the same. He is being selfish and it’s time you decide what is best for you and not him.
3 Likes
You probably ignored Jim as much as he’s ignoring you younright now. If you took this long to realize you both need help
I would just leave and make sure I got all that was mine in the divorce. Then live a happy life. Sounds like nobody is happy.
Been there, done that after 16 years of marriage myself. Don’t let him guilt you into thinking you’re the one throwing it all away. HE DID the moment he entertained another woman. My advice is to leave, but you do you. Good luck
1 Like
I’m going to be straight forward here. Move on, start the healing on your life. He has done this before and he will do this again. He wanted to make the divorce your fault, that’s why he said that in the same breathe. It isn’t your fault he couldn’t stay true to Vows. Value yourself, love yourself most. Tell him to leave and find his own way, and when he crawls back. Shut the door.
5 Likes
The only thing I can stay to you is organize your stuff, file for divorce. Make sure you have a lawyer make sure they have everything note of what’s been going on. If you know the name of the women that he’s been talking to make sure you turn them over to your lawyer. All of this is important to make sure you have it. It’s time for you to move on with your life.
1 Like
I would empty all money youu have in the joints accounts because he’s gonna blow threw it keep all interactions with him no cussing just be friendly go file for a divorce before he blindsided you with take what you need from the divorce and get out.
4 Likes
Tell him to take a hike! No second chances they are a HUGE mistake even if it works out! Affairs are God telling you to get out while you can or your future is in TROUBLE!
Hes already cheating or planning on doing so soon.
Leave jim he found what he wants you need to get out of this