There’s only 1 Queen to a Castle. You talk to your husband about this and how uncomfortable you are especially with a newborn coming. Your building your nest for your baby and dont need to be entertaining guess. Stay bless
Not necessarily selfish of him, men tend to not understand how we feel about this kind of stuff, especially when we get close to delivering & our hormones are already raging. I would just sit him down and explain how you’re feeling as best you can. If you don’t want them staying at your house then they aren’t staying at your house.
Yeahhhh no. For the first month after my first daughter was born, I walked around our place practically naked as we did a lot of skin to skin and just relaxed in the bed to bond. It was such an amazing fourth trimester. You will be recovering and you need that privacy. I definitely wouldn’t want strangers in my home during that time. Sorry not sorry. They need to get their own hotel.
Stick to your guns!!
My sister-in-law, who lives in Korea (I’m in Australia) came over a week after I have birth to my first. She asked if she could stay with us and I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with it.
I, like you, was adjusting to being a mum and just wasn’t comfortable with having anyone around except my husband.
Lucky for me, my husband understood and asked his sister to stay at their parents place half hour away, and to call in advance should they want to visit.
Truth is the family that raised someone is important (aka mommy and daddy) but the family you create is way more important. If this man does not put you and your child first, he sounds completely immature. You are going to be having a child! He needs to respect that this is your life too. He wouldn’t feel comfortable with strangers, why should you? Just because they are his family doesn’t mean your feelings and opinions are wrong. Let your mama instincts guide you. You and your child come first. Plus, it is hard enough with just you, Your man, and the baby in a 2 bdrm, why make it worse by having 3 more people stay? That sounds like torture in a little apartment.
It’s not ideal but you have to decide if you want the boyfriend to become a husband someday - the In-laws come with. Can you live with that? You can go all “I am woman hear me roar” which is awesome if that’s how you really feel. But this may be the time to figure out how you feel - it sounds like don’t really know them that well …It could go horribly and really suck if they’re jerks and not helpful but it could be amazing if they are helpful and potentially the beginning of a great relationship - babies can soften even the most abrasive people - you will be tired and welcome at least some help so it may not be as bad as you think. It’s definitely a decision to weigh carefully.
Hell to the No, your are not being selfish at all my main concern would be the germs from 3 people around a newborn no no no your man needs to man up and start respecting you feelings and wishes
Stick to your guns, put your foot down! Your new baby will feel your nervousness or tension, or stress! That’s not good. You should be spending quiet time together, bonding, with no worries !!
No you are going to be sore, exhausted and stressed out without adding the pressures of having to be around people you aren’t comfortable around in your own home. He needs to respect what all you’re going to be going through and tell his family they can come at a later time when you’re ready for company. You are NOT being selfish and they should understand that.
Hell no. That’s way to early after you’re going to give birth to have that long of a house guest.
Nope, nope, nope! You need your time to recover and bond with your baby. Aside from that I would argue the point that is not healthy for the baby to have so many people around at such a tender age. They are vulnerable to many germs as their immune system is not yet strong. Nope, baby and you come first!
It’s your baby your body your house and your choice you should never feel uncomfortable in your home and your partner should respect that to the fullest as should his family this is a time to cherish not a time to walk on eggshells and feel uncomfortable and everyone else should be accommodating to you not you accommodating to them!!! But that’s just my personal opinion best of luck!
Stick to your guns! My fiancé & I share a home with my mother in law since she can’t afford to sustain a home on her salary at work, we agreed to move in to help her out. After about 2 yrs of living together we got pregnant. So it’s safe to say I knew her pretty well, but it still didn’t make things any easier for me. Although I have two older children from my first marriage, my MIL felt the need to tell me how to do everything! Even all the way down to bathing our daughter. She would stand over me & try to take over & I would get so frustrated I would almost be in tears bc I didn’t want to be mean but I felt smothered by her. It was extremely stressful for me. I constantly felt like she was watching me & judging everything I did. It eventually got to where I had to be almost rude at times to get her to back off which created tension in the household & I stayed on edge. Your mother in law may mean well but considering you barely even know her & you are about to experience some of the biggest changes in your life & relationship with your bf I personally feel you are going to need your space to feel free & open to learn as you go & bond with your new born as you & your bf see fit. He should respect that this is something that is extremely special for you both & honor your wishes to be alone during this time. That’s not to say they can’t visit or give help when YOU ask for it but you have enough on your plate right now without having to entertain guests or getting to know your extended family. As a mother herself she should also respect how important this is for you & her son & not want to intrude. Just my opinion but I feel like if you give in you will regret it later. Hope all works out & best wishes for a safe delivery for you & your little one! I’m currently pregnant with our second child together, I’m due March 9th!
Your home.
Your baby.
Your rules.
You set the time frames of the day they are welcome and otherwise they should respect your private bonding time.
I may be the odd one out - but that is HIS child too, and she is his mother. Would you kick your mother out? Would you be upset if he tried to kick her out? I dont think you’re being selfish at all, but I do think you need to look at his point a little bit. Regardless of your interaction with her, she is still his mom, and the baby’s grandmother. The rest of them staying, yeah id be pissed at lol but still - that is his family, just as much as this baby is his family.
I can see both sides here. On one hand your bf would love his family to be a part of this special time and that’s a good thing, especially if y’all are going to be a permanent couple (I assume that’s the goal here). You don’t want to rock the boat too much either because it might cause a rift in your relationship. However, I can also understand how awkward and uncomfortable it would be to have people you barely know staying with you and helping out, especially during a time when your hormones are all over the place and your struggling with the newness of being a parent. If I were you, I would have a long talk with the bf AND his mom and discuss your feelings about it. TELL her why it’s uncomfortable. Maybe she doesn’t realize she hasn’t made you feel like family. Tell her you would like to be closer so that you guys can BE a family because married or not…you ARE family now that there’s shared blood with that baby. I wish you the best. Communication is the best answer here I think.
Too many people in a little place. Put your foot down and say they can visit during the day but not staying there
It’s a week after birth, they should not be there. Its added stress. It’s not good for you or baby
Hell NO! They can come visit a few months after you give birth. You do not need 3 people that you barely know in your small apartament after you’ve just given birth! NO!
Stand your ground . Compromise so they can stay later , but being pretty uncomfortable last week or pregnancy and then feeling like you have to host house guests who have made little to no effort to know you , in a tiny space, when you are uncomfortable as it is , swollen , moody and wanting solitude is a terrible time . If you were close with them it would even be difficult. I say absolutely not .
Nope, I am not a mother yet. But, you need time to recover.
Try saying its flu and rsv season. No need for extra germs
Can you compromise and suggest they stay in a hotel locally?
Why in the hell would he even want that that’s sounds like way to much to handle after having first baby plus all the extra germs around during flu season that’s a big ass nope!!!
Tell him or better yet show him what can happen to a newborn if everyone is touching it kissing it if there are too many new germs introduced to early that can be fatal
That’s not wrong for wanting them to leave. Even doctors will tell you wait a couple weeks after you have the baby for you all to adjust and heal. to be honest if I did not know them personally I wouldn’t even want them around my baby. they’re just going to take over once the baby gets there they’re not going to give you time to actually recover and bond. It’s stressful having a new baby and also having people live with you that aren’t supposed to be there
U are not selfish at all!!! The first few weeks, months with your baby are so so important and u need to feel 100% comfortable with being a new mom. U will need and want that time to be calm and cool, getting to know ur baby’s needs and wants, getting comfortable and knowing u can do it. I feel that with too much stress or unease will make it difficult and that it will take away from such a special time of learning and loving ur new role. U dont need outside opinions unless u ask for them. That is the time for u 3 to learn and grow together without any additional stress
My house, my family, my rules!
Yeah you don’t like what I said?
That’s what you sound like
Ohhhh no it’s a very private time and a big life change they should respect that and give you space xx
No you aren’t. He needs to stop thinking of himself and think of you and his baby. I believe when a newborn comes home from a hospital it should just be mommy daddy and siblings only. You never know what Germs people bring around you.
You are NOT selfish at all, YOU are the one giving birth, YOU are the one who’s carried for 9 months and deserves to sit in her own home and appreciate her own baby without supervision it sounds like! You deserve to be comfortable, and don’t be afraid to make that known!!
That is way to much stress for not just you but for himself as well, as well that’s alot of outside germs being transferred to new babe… he is out of line calling you selfish. If anything he is being selfish not thinking of the stress that is going to be added. The family should wait a bit before coming for sure and also stay elsewhere as a 2 bedroom is VERY small for that many people.
Uh no. Absolutely not. The fact that mom doesn’t even talk to the girlfriend is a red flag in my eyes. All she’s gonna do is come in and overstep while she’s trying to recover and learn how to be a parent, AND be confident in her ability to care for HER baby. Sorry but when you’re going through labor, delivery, and bringing a new baby home…we’re not looking to cater to everyone’s feelings. They can come visit some other time.
Believe me UR GINNA NEED her when the BABY comes!!! UR gonna need every shut eye U can get!!! After that thanks BUT BYE- BYE!!!
Stand your ground. Its not about them, its about you and the baby! They can wait until AFTER you have gotten settled in at home with baby to come visit when YOU are ready for them to. Something wrong with a guy who can’t understand that and is trying to force them on you anyway and make you more stressed during this time even after you expresses your feelings.
Stick to your guns!! You don’t need all these people around you and your new baby!! You need mom and baby bonding time not to mention recovery time!!
If you know you could do with the extra help why not it’s family ! Your hussy seems like he know you all would need the help
Tell him to stop being a little bitch his mam should of made the effort with you in the first place just say no
He needs to respect/value you. Full stop.
Be prepared for that woman to tell you that everything you are doing with the baby is wrong so… be prepared for her to treat you like shit . Please keep me updated
Put your foot down! You are having a baby and that’s hard, especially if you are not comfortable around his family because they are so rude to you. You don’t need that first thing (or ever) postpartum.
Absolutely not! What an inconsiderate piece of
Stick to your guns
It’s about you and baby
Adjusting is vital for you and baby and dad
You did all of the hard work of growing and carrying this baby, and you are the mom. The fact that he won’t even consider your feelings is selfish on his part. I would put my foot down and tell him that they just can’t stay with you guys, and if he doesn’t like it, oh well.
I would take the baby and go stay with a best friend/family member you’re close to that week.
I was in a similae boat two years ago when I had my son my fiances mother and I had only met a handful of times and she insisted she was to be in the room while I gave birth she just kind of helped herself to come in since she was mt ride to the hospital, and I let it slide. Then she took an entire week off work to “help me” since she lived close and my fiance did work 9am-5pm and I appreciated the gesture but insisted id be fine as I’ve dealt with babies since I was 7 I knew what to expect to experience (aside from body discomfort and all but as far as caring for baby) and she would show up before fiance went to work mornings and not leave till 10pm. I had absolutely no time with my son alome in the first week. I regret not sricking to my guns. Because it even continued afterward. Shes show up after work unannounced almost daily the first few months and insist she needed to do everything I shouldve been doing as a mom. I didnt get time to wnjoy my son being little wothout her stealing the time from me. We cut ties with her when he was 10 months due to me cracking down and setting some serious boundaries for our son and home and us that she refused to follow and told us we were not worth the hassle basically because I finally got through to my fiance that was was seriously very controlling of our life and child and that is not ok. Now my sons 2 and I am enjoying whats left for rime of him being little and not having it stolen from me anymore.
Tbh being a first time mum? He a first time father? Is your parents/mum going to be there? Do you realise it’s hard to adjust (with body and mind and exhaustion another set of hands not do?) And if you feel uncomfortable after then say look leave but until you have given birth dont throw away help and love she will give your child (her grandchild) and he might want his mum there to teach him, feel supported it’s not just a big step for you it is for him. Yes woman push out the baby and woman do most of the hard work. Think about your partner and how they feel it’s scary for them too, it’s not all about mums!!! Take it from a mum of 2 I’d love it if my partners family were interested. I far enough not in the room and have a bit of dignity but staying at your home give her a chance.
Stick to your guns! I couldn’t even pee without getting blood everywhere for the first week. I’m glad I got to be home and alone for that. Also, if you don’t know them very well, what if they do something with the baby that your against. Plus personally I found it hard to get into a routine with my baby until my man even went back to work. You’ll be recovering and exhausted and I doubt you’ll want constant company. I have a 2 month old and I still like being alone most days. Especially with breastfeeding, I HATE the covers and love being home and not having to cover up.
I dont see why you dont give them a chance, you said yourself you dont know them so how do you know if it will be a bad thing? Being a first time mom is tough and the extra help wouldnt hurt. If they can help with cooking and cleaning and give you a break you would appreciate it. Worst case scenario if they are too much then ask for them to leave 🤷
Him loves his mommy That’s a fine line right there and you may not like the outcome. She should come alone not with a Fiancé… that sounds a lil creepy to me.
I would say no to the sister and the boyfriend. Hands down, no argument just no. I would maybe put some thought into his mom coming a little harder. Talk it over with him, but honestly it will be nice to have the help. Just having someone else there to hold the baby so you can shower. Fix meals, NAP. but make sure that is the understanding. She needs to HELP. and maybe just put in some extra effort to get to know her and let her know it’s so you can feel most comfortable in your home, because currently you feel like she is a stranger and that sucks.
I agree with the girl above me. Say no to the sibling and fiancé. Give the mom a chance. Being that ur a first time mom ur gonna want that help and knowledge from someone who has raised a kid before. When we brought baby home I had a panic attack Bc I was terrified about not knowing what to do. Luckily my mother stayed a week with us to help out. I do not feel her being there hindered me getting to enjoy my newborn at all. She is your child’s grandmother whether u “know” her or not and it sounds like you don’t even want to give her a chance. That’s a battle you’re gonna lose if u choose to go to battle about whether his mom is allowed there or not. U May when the short term battle but it’ll come back to bite you in the long run if u don’t even allow her the chance to help out.
I once told my friend, don’t let people disrespect you in your own home if they don’t pay the bills. You do what makes you comfortable and at ease. On a health for the baby point of view, that many people in such close quarters, handling all over the baby is just asking for it to get sick. That is just my opinion, but as the mom, you do what is best for you mentally and physically, and what is best for your baby. You can always ask for them to just come visit and your little is born. Good luck sweetie.
It’s flu season, Rsv . Don’t put your baby at risk. New born needs to stay away from ppl. I you would need the help but just the mother. I think you should make it clear you don’t feel comfortable and you would like only the mother to come
Honestly hold ur ground he should try ta understand ur p.o.v n try ta come up wit a plan that work for yall n he need ta tell his momma that she need ta try n get along wit u cuz u havin his child
Who pays the rent? Assume marriage is in the picture at some time. ONE week for a lifetime of family piece. First birth is usually late. She is the grandmother and perhaps would be of some help either way. Reason for visit at this time would also be interesting…are they coming to help?
You better be very clear and stick to your guns. It sounds like he’s not really taking your feelings as a mother into consideration at all. I told my boyfriend and his mom that I wanted no visitors in the hospital. The next day they showed up anyways and he let them in. I was furious and uncomfortable. Don’t let him or them take away those magical first moments as a mother. They go by so fast.
Stick to your guns! This time is about you and your baby… And what makes you comfortable.
I say stick to your guns! My first two weeks I let whoever come “visit” between my time not to early not to late. Sorry but some moms like to unintentionally take over and give unwanted advice. It’s a lot when your still emotional. They can stay at a hotel or something and visit daily once your ready. I’m so happy that my SO truly cares for my comfort over everyone else’s wants. They don’t need to see your baby, they want. They don’t need to be there, they want. Your needs are more important than their wants.
Just my opinion tho.
I would go elsewere with baby u need time to recover and time with baby nobody needs a crowd of people in the house with u to see u at ur worst its hard enuf without an audience his mum should move and give u both space or tbh id be the one leaving xx GOOD LUCK❤
Stick to ur guns. My mil thinks still she’s my son’s mother n he’s 15. I had to cut ties with her for awhile. But then again we lived right above her. I saw her everyday and she didn’t know when to leave me alone with my son. I’d be in the middle of breastfeeding and my ex husband would take my son so his mom can see him. If he luvs his mom that much run like hell cuz it aint gonna get better
Tell him you Will leave with Baby and go elsewhere if he doesn’t respect you enough to listen,
Tell all of them to get a hotel room… They are not your responsibility! Your responsibility right now and solely is that new baby!
I agree with the no fiancé and little sister idea. They can stay home or go to a hotel. His mother is a different story. You wouldn’t want him saying your mom isn’t allowed to come stay. Plus if she standoffish to form a relationship with you she is probably waiting to see if this is the real deal. Women use men. Mothers of men worry for their boys from birth onward.
Y’all need to make a comprise. Meaning you don’t want them there - he does. So they can stay at a local hotel or something while they visit. He will get to see his family and you will get to rest when you need to without having to upkeep them in the home every waking moment.
You are the big bad Mommy now!!
You will have to speak directly to the Mother. Tell her No.
Scream it in her face if need be.
Who cares, ur prgnant and you will be forgiven.
It is also a problem if they don’t have the Rubella injection as they can’t be near the baby!
So put that to them , all friends and family need to be immunised !
GTFO!
After baby I didn’t want no one! Leaky boobs, couldn’t wipe my butt. And got air trapped inside from my c-section. The last thing I wanted was anyone around.
But mind you baby can get sick. And everyone can be overwhelmed and annoying in such a close proximity
Ask him if he’s okay with all of them seeing you braless and waddling around in discomfort. With how often you are going to have to feed the baby (if you decide to breastfeed) you aren’t going to want to wear a bra or if you do it might not be the most supportive bra! And recovery after birth is painful! You aren’t going to want an audience!
Set Boundaries now… These “relatives” need to be responsible for themselves… You would be better to be alone than wish you were…
DONT DO IT. After I had my son all I wanted to do was spend time with my baby. And take care of lady business in peace. It’s absolutely horrible to have guest let only 3 right after you’ve had a baby
This is not selfish!
It’s whatever you feel comfortable with. If he doesn’t like it, he can leave as well
If anyone is being selfish it’s them… They shouldn’t be putting this kind of pressure on you in the first place. Obviously, all a new mother wants (actually any mother) is to relax and recover in the comfort of her own home whilst the baby gets settled, and the father adjusts to fatherhood. They will have to stay with other family that live close by or check into a nearby hotel, and tbh any decent family would understand and agree with that x
I would tell your fiancé you can’t wait to spend time with his family and absolutely want them to come for a visit but that it will be more enjoyable for everyone if you, he and baby have time to recover and adjust. You will all need extra rest, skin to skin contact and privacy while breastfeeding which won’t be conducive to entertaining out of town guests immediately after giving birth. Literally sit down and say “let’s look at the calendar and pick a better time for them to visit”. Your hormones will be all over the place and it will be better physically and emotionally if you bond with your baby and than move on to bonding with your other new family members. Don’t be afraid to lovingly say “it’s not an argument, it’s just not happening”
Not selfish. Stick to your guns.
Heck no, you are not selfish!! That is the most vulnerable time and an important time for you and your SO to bond with baby. We have close friends and family and a big house with guest room and we disnt have anyone staying with us. Show him these comments then maybe he will understand he’s asking way too much!
No you’re right and it’s a red flag that his mother thinks it’s ok to impose like that. She should know it’s totally inappropriate.
Honey with your first put your foot down! At this point it doesn’t matter about anyone but you and the baby. If your b/f can’t understand that the. We need to push a child out! With our first I did everything everyone wanted and I was so upset and bitter and it consumed me. You are going to go through hormonal changes, trying to breast feed and that is trying and exhausting on a new mother if you choose that route. I would ask your b/f to at least wait a month! That baby will still be here and they can wait. I’m due with our 2nd in March and it will only be me and my wife and someone will drop our son off to see us and the baby. When we get home the grandparents can come over for a little bit then will leave! I’m standing my ground this time, and I have a very understanding wife and in-laws so it’s easier on us. Good luck mama you go this!
Why would any of these people be having anything to do with your pregnancy? Why would they even ask to stay? In what world is any of this normal or appropriate?
No, you’re not selfish. I have no idea why this is a situation that would even occur in real life but stick to your guns. Tell them to go elsewhere and if or they refuse, tell him to go elsewhere too. This is massively red flaggish behaviour and not a good sign of things to come.
You do not need a house full of people you barely know when you have newborn and are still recovering from the delivery. You should only have to focus on bonding with your baby not having to take care or his family too. Your dude should be more understanding and his family should be too. Stick to your guns!!!
The fact that HE agreed and not WE agreed is messed up. It’s a tough situation. Obviously he cares for his side of the family. But, does he care more another them or you. Ask yourself this question. The answer will tell you what to do
That’s not the best time for help anyway. 2-3 weeks in, and at 2-3 months you’re probably going to want help.
Tell him that added stress will not work for you. That’s too small a space for so many people plus you’re going to be adjusting not only from child birth but the addition of a new person in your house.
Stick to your guns for what you are comfortable with. As a mother, she should understand and respect your wishes for privacy and bonding time. That’s very soon after to have guests.
On a different note, she might be more helpful than you realize or expect. Any places very close or inexpensive to put her up in, and if you want her there than ask. But have the conversation. As helpful as she feels she might be, it might not be what you need or want for help.
Girl lemme simplify…NO!
Stick to your guns. Shell end up trying to overstep. They can come over for a dew his a day but the first week should really only be about mom dad and baby. I HATED how many people visited in the hospital and than the first week home I asked a couple ppl to come over to either see her or give me a break to shower but other than that just me hubby and baby
The first 6 weeks are soooo hard bc your baby needs to eat every 3 hours you will nottt get any sleep. Trust me when i say you need your significant other to help but you definitely dont wanna anyone else around during that tough time.
I feel you! Your not being selfish at all! After I had my daughter my mom came home with me and stayed 4 days straight until I told her she can go home now! That first week is a lot to handle! Rest up and get your body healed! They can come visit after.
Stick to your guns. She had a whole 9 months to get to have a simple conversation
Yeah, I think you’re in the right and handling it with grace.
He should not have offered before asking you. I would insist they stay in a motel with a newborn being in your house…it’s up to you to tell him, he messed up.
No! Not good idea! Same kinda thing happened with my first his family was all involved even in the delivery room and I at the time wasn’t strong enough to say no! Barley knew the ppl and they were all over my time with our child! Ended up not having a good relationship with them after it all ended! For 10 years really!
As a first time mom. My husband at the time wanted his parents to move in and i never said anything. I ended up coming home to them living there. Moved out and in with my parents two weeks later… If youre not comfortable he should abide by you.
Too soon! I know they want to see the baby, but his mother should remember what child birth is like. She should understand that you want a couple weeks to heal before you are hosting guests at your house.
Maybe suggest them coming 4 weeks after the birth if they want to stay with you. If they feel like they have to see the baby sooner, they should get a hotel room.
If anything he is being a bit inconsiderate you and your baby come first it is flu season and you have a newborn who shouldnt even be around people the first couple weeks in my opinion
Stick to your guns!! You won’t want people around 24/7, even if it’s just for a couple of days. Especially people who haven’t put any effort into getting to know you.
The first couple of weeks take adjusting. Your hormones will be crazy, you are going to want to rest when you can, and have those special moments with the baby when she/he’s up. You aren’t being selfish.
Good luck
Uh no. You just grew a whole human!! Your hormones are off. You’re tired. Don’t feel like entertaining strangers. You want to bond.
If shes not communicating with you now, she WILL try to come in and run your house.
Either be prepared to set boundaries or dont allow it.
On a different note, take help if its offered. It doesnt mean you dont know what you’re doing, sometimes you’ll need a moment.
CONGRATULATIONS MOMMA
Hell no momma…YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND BABY FIRST!!!
Too many people in a apartment. No -compromise during days visiting yes, not all jammed into a apartment no thanks ?
I think a 2 bedroom place is much too small for 3 visitors to be staying even if there wasn’t a newborn