I blended my family and was the worst decision ever. Going through second divorce
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I grew up in a blended and family. While a blended family is not my first choice for my children, for reasons like not wanting them to feel like they have to choose which parents to spend holidays or birthdays with but if me and my husband didn’t work out being that I’m only 24 I’d definitely eventually be in another relationship and have a blended family when the time is right. Why is there so much hate when it comes to blended families? Marriages don’t always work out. It’s life.
Sometimes I feel like this after a few “blended families” not working at all i.e. me allowing a partner and their children in. Think you could be right!
When I became a blended family I thanked my bonus children’s mom for giving me the children I never knew but always wanted. I became a bonus mom and they are the bonus children. There should be no steps between anyone. I know this doesn’t happen for everyone. It took me getting things settled with my divorce and a year of learning to love myself again to get here. But I made it to the other side before I involved anyone else or any children.
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Unpopular opinion but I wouldn’t either. I have always felt this way even as a young teen before becoming a mom or even being in a serious relationship. I don’t think I could ever do it.
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Imo if this is your thought process then you shouldn’t have a bonus family. It wouldn’t be beneficial for you or us dd because you’ve already made up ur mind about what it would look like ,so there for you’ve tinted it without every getting it a chance.
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Who even allows posts like this 
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Your feelings will change. Give it time you will find someone who will light up your whole world and change these opinions. I wish you the best!
Your gonna miserable the rest of your life then 
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Like, 90% of the people I know, myself included, come from blended families and there is nothing wrong with that. My daughter has a step dad, half sister and definitely not suffering 
shoot, she gets 2 of everything. It’s difficult, but she loves her step dad and sister.
You know what’s ridiculous? Parents forcing their children to grow up watching toxic marriages and justifying it because you think blended families or being single parents are the worse alternatives 
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I support how you feel and can understand why.
Do what makes you happy!
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I relate to you. I’m getting married soon, we have a son and one on the way. I pray we have a long marriage and go on in life together. However, life has unforeseen circumstances, and that choice is already there. If I can’t go on with my partner that I’ve chosen to be with. The person I am investing life and love with. I wouldn’t want to find someone else. I’d just live my life single. As for children. There are women out there that would love to be a mama to someone elses kids and can groove in that kind of life. But for myself. I’m fine. I just want to be a mama to my own kids and a good role model in their future friends life. That’s all.
Just know mama it’s okay to feel that way and have that decision. You don’t need to go on find somebody else, you don’t need to be in other children’s life besides your own. That is perfectly okay. 
If blended families work for some that’s okay. 
Oh wow… after reading the disgusting 
you wrote… I agree with you DO NOT HAVE MORE KIDS OR BE WITH A MAN WHO HAS KIDS. I sincerely hope that any step mom loves and teaches your child about unconditional love because clearly you won’t. Go… be miserable and alone lol
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you are entitled to your feelings - one thing I would say is due to the fact that your OPINIONS are so overt please make sure you do NOT SHARE these opinions with your child. When they have their step mom and possibly step siblings or half siblings, they need to know that this is a 2nd best family. They need to understand and learn that family is family and to love everyone equally.
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My blended family is amazing 
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I have heard people say this before and end up happy with someone else and having more kids. Just be careful about introducing your children to anyone too soon!
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I have a blended family. My step daughter is almost 8 and she loves it. She has more people to love her and care about her. It’s not a bad thing.
You sound selfish and immature .
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I’m getting divorced from my severely abusive hisband and we have 2 boys. I have said over and over I will never ever date again(im too ugly and fat anyways) yes I want one more kid but I would rather stay a single mom then chance my kids getting hurt
I have a blended family and am happy. My children are happy and everything is fine. If this is how you think though it is probably best for everyone you stay single. No wonder you’re getting divorced with such a narrow minded judgmental attitude. Good luck with life.
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I absolutely love my bonus daughters! I’m happier than ever…
This is just shocking and outright disrespectful to anyone who has a blended family.
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I have a blended family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have 2 amazing stepsons that are 21 and 18, my 3 ages 12, 11, and 9 and we have one together now age 2! We’ve been a blended family for 8 yrs. Definitely the best:heart: not second best. I don’t know where you get your information from, 
but blended families are the best families in my eyes:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I have a blended family and I grew up in a blended family. I have one full blood sibling, 5 half, 1 step. Does it matter? No. Theyre just my brothers and sisters. The blood ratio doesn’t mean shit. Both of my parents grew up in a blended family. My grandparents grew up in blended families.
My husband and I are good friends with his ex and her new fiance. I help with her kids. She helps with ours. Like how can you be against the idea of having more people in your life that love your child??
I agree with you 1000% Blended families are very hard. There is nothing wrong with it at all but for me personally I grew up with one and I do not want that for my children.
I absolutely love my 14 yr old bonus daughter I wouldnt have it any other way I’m glad I got to step up and be the mom that she needed to be her mom was too worried about drugs to be a mom. Now she gets to see what a mom’s like me and her have an amazing bond people don’t even know she’s not mine.
I mean…I don’t know what the big deal is but okay?
This is a troll post, right?
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I don’t think you even deserve a blended family with the mindset you have… you clearly don’t have much love, warmth and kindness to spread around anyway 
. I have two step boys and I have a daughter with my partner (stepsons dad) and if they ever referred to her as second best we’d be heartbroken. We are better together than apart. It’s sad you’ll never understand that kind of love
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I am going to go with …no one just wakes up and says let me get divorced today and then find my happiness again …and Dame now I am stuck with the second best wtf …this was the saddest post ever …so many step parents play a role the real parent didn’t care to …but I think your right you should just stay single because you are to bitter
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The more people they have to love them and to be behind them is better and I hope ur mind changes because having a blended family has helped me in so many ways the mother of my step kids even keeps mine sometimes because my kids don’t like being apart they are family!!!
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If you’re not going to love your step children then yes stay away from blended families.
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You’re being extremely selfish. I have a blended family and wouldn’t want it any other way. My step kids are amazing. They get along well with my biological kids, who are half siblings.
A blended family is NOT second best in all situations. I wouldn’t trade my blended family for the world.
wtf? i have a blended family of 6 and i dont call them my step kids. i call them my kids…because they are. i love them as much as i love the ones i gabe birth to. i am apalled.
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I think you’re worried about something that hasn’t happened yet. I know you have the best interest of your child at heart, but what if you meet Mr Winderful & he has kids that get along with yours? Don’t be so short sighted, there are plenty of good people out there!!!
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I come from a blended family and honestly I feel much closer to my step family that I do to my blood family more people to love your kids honey
Ignore the hateful comments. Being in a blended family is hard. You cant always guarantee everyone will get along. My mother remarried and none of my siblings liked him or his 2 kids. We were all miserable. My dad almost remarried and we liked his ex n her child. it all depends. I know several ppl who have step parents and they dont get along. I can see why you wouldnt want a blended family. Just love your daughter unconditionally and be the best mom you can be. 
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How ever you feel about it is right for you. If you change your mind then so be it.
There’s not a second best when it comes to families and your children! It becomes a new best. You’re hurting right now, I hope you find happiness again, whatever that may mean to you.
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Wooowww
This whole post is sad…
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I guess I’m having a hard time with this post because it’s so heartbreaking. How is a blended family second best? I have 2 step daughters who I love just as much as my own kids. And my boys now have a dad they deserve. And the baby we have together is never looked at as second best. She is their sister and they love her just as much as they love their other siblings. I think that right now you are just hurting from the divorce and you’re having a hard time imagining happiness and maybe that’s what’s keeping your mind so closed off. I think you just need to take the time you need to heal from this divorce and in time maybe you’ll find someone that loves you properly and you will open up your mind to all the possibilities and all the extra love you can have with a blended family.
A blended family is not second best. That’s just wrong girl
I know people with “step fathers” who are way more like dads then their biological. It’s all about the person not the title. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with blended.
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I’m from a blended family and I’m adopted as well. I think it’s a blessing to have a blended family. I have more brothers and sisters and even considered my parents ex’s kids from other marriages as my siblings. It was just how we were raised. Plus being adopted I have half siblings on both my birth mother and fathers sides.
Put up with them? My kids love their brother. I love my son. I don’t love him any less or feel any less about him than I do my biological children. He’s my bonus child that I’m lucky to have. As a teenager I never wanted to raise kids that weren’t mine but as an adult I’ve matured and realized blood doesn’t mean a thing. I’m floored by this thought process.
I think you have the right too choose what you are wanting in the future via relationships and there children. It will probably be best too not date until your children are grown. Than you are fully focused on your child and yourself. I think it’s a beautiful thing too be single and free and fully focused on your children. And when there grown you can find your person too spend your golden years with
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I understand, I remember feeling that way when my husband and I went through rocky times and I was unsure we’d stay together. But I also come from a huge disfunctionally blended from multiple sides family and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. This isn’t a decision you have to make right now. Time will heal and change you. Your daughter won’t have to put up with a step father and siblings, they may be one of the greatest things to ever happen to her. Hell, I have to put up with my biological father, I love the rest of my crazy family.
If i had it to do over, knowing what I do now, oh hell no! Don’t marry or live with someone with kids, wait till kids are grown up, just date till you both have an empty home or kids can be out on their own.
Good stay single lol . Poor kiddo won’t have any siblings
I also know couples who split, both have new spouses and all 4 of them work together to raise their children. More people to love your kids is never a bad thing. You can make the choices as they come but I wouldn’t be closed off to a blended family all together.
Your kids will do best if your happy. If you happen to find someone who loves you and makes you happy and has kids then blend away. I am married to a man I adore and he had 2 kids from his previous marriage. I did not have kids before. We added two more together. Our house can be chaotic at times but it’s full of love. I have always treated them like I would want to treat them. They have commented that they like their dad happy. I think if you have a negative attitude about it then your kiddos will too. Figuring out how to be a step mom takes time and work but so does all parenting. But right now with you going through a divorce I would just focus on healing and your daughter and being the best coparent you can be.
The blessings of a blended family are amazing. Love comes from within 
Well to each his own, I suppose…
But it seems with that mentality you’re just going to have issues with your ex once he moves on and that’s only going to end up hurting your child more…
Just focus on being a single mother right now and caring for your child. Dont worry about the rest.
Blended, pureed, mixed 
His 3 my 1 and our 1
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I love my bonus children from my first marriage and my bonus child from my husband now. Actually my bonus daughter from my first marriage lives with us and my husband loves her as much as our other kids our family is as blended as it gets! I love the chaos! We have so much love we get to love other kids with out the pain of labor!!!
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just be open to the idea. it can be daunting thinking about it at the stage you’re in with a divorce, etc but a blended family can be amazing. my boyfriend and I both have a kid from previous and theyre only a month apart so theyre pretty close and now we’re pregnant with their little brother and were all very happy. I didnt know if I could ever be a step parent and now i cant imagine my life without my stepdaughter. just know you can always feel differently about it later
If not for blended families, I wouldn’t exist…so there’s that. You feel how you feel, there’s nothing wrong with that. But once the dust settles and you let yourself heal, you may change your mind.
Personally for me, I always said & I still stand by it…I would never date a man with kids, that’s just me, I have seen friends & family deal with nasty divorce & baby mama drama & I just said I’d never want to be part of that.
It’s just not for me. Yes, I had 2 kids before I met my husband, whom I do not have custody of, so I allowed myself to date & me & husband have been together now 11 1/2 yrs with 4 kids, & even tho I don’t have physical custody I have my boys over whenever I want. They’ll come over whenever they want. There is no issues, but i dont tell my boys hes there father or to call him dad/stepdad. They call him by his name.
That’s just how i do it & it works for us. I know everyone deals with stuff differently.
Is a blended family “second best” hell no! It’s even more special because now you have different people coming together as one whole… kinda like marriage?
That is entirely your choice. But just remember, no one is perfect. Marriages fail, relationships fail. It’s life it happens. But, if you refuse to date/marry someone because they have a child you are the one missing out. My family is blended, I have an amazing man who loves my son like his own. My son has 4 parents who love him unconditionally his bonus parents are amazing. It’s not perfect, but it works. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. I hope you find what you’re looking for
With that attitude it is probably best if you don’t remarry. Your child may not have the love and support that be or she needs in her life that we get from our siblings
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Second best? Ignorant.
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You need to go to therapy and figure out the real reason you have a huge inferiority complex. Trash.
I felt the same in a sense but you and those kids deserve to be happy and eventually you will see that. You want them to see that love and bond and just because it’s not the same doesn’t mean it cant be even better for all of you. I suggest counseling for you and the kiddos. Good luck you got this momma
It’s hard. I would do a lot of healing if I were you before I ever even thought about dating or marriage or other children. Once your heart is healed, you may see things differently. Everyone feels differently, so if that’s not something you feel okay with, don’t. I can see how you feel the “proper” way failed, but you have a lot of healing to do before considering any of that. Praying for you.
I thought the same thing and stayed away from anything that could resemble a step father to my daughter for almost 4 years. And when i started dating my current husband, he wasnt allowed to meet her for over 6 mo, or do anything thay fell on the “dad” range. Well, she still sees him as him, and calls him by his first name, and trusts but is still very closed off. I believe I did what was best for her and my healing, but she loves her baby sister more than words can express. And we dont believe in the “step” term, but my hubby still respects the small boundaries she lays down, and I do too. But its been hard adjusting her attitude from my once bitter one. I’m not saying you cant do what you wish, but I can honestly tell you love knows no blood lines. Love knows no titles. Love is mutual, just like respect, and I dont think if you did heal and moved on, that it would cause to much of an issue. Your child may have to deal with another step parent, if the court allows that, and it will be hard to teach them thats family too. That doesnt mean she wont love them, or whoever your with as well. Each choice has ups and downs, but you have to decide after you have healed and the smoke clears. I wish you the best of luck!
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You’re entitled to feel this way and I see nothing wrong with not wanting to add to you and your daughters current lifestyle.
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I felt this way too and it was only because I felt I was unable to to it myself. I had a 5 year old when I got married. We went on to have three more babies totaling 4 all together. I still dont think I would be a good step mom. But my husband is a great step dad. And he’s been around 100 percent while her bio dad hasn’t. Some times it works out great but I feel you on being hesitant.
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After my husband died leaving me with a 6 and a 8 year old I thought it would be nice to start dating again!
It’s hard-I loved his kids like they were mine, he treated mine like CrAp! Stay open minded though, focus on your child and live life-YOU JUST NEVER KNOW!
Blended families are second best my ass
If that is truly the way you think, then you shouldn’t do it. Years ago my brother married a woman who hated that he had other children so he didn’t see them. Not good
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Wow… i mean if youre choosing partners wisely you wouldnt have anything to worry about. There is absolutely nothing wrong with blended families. I really cant believe people think like that
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I have 4 children and my fiance has 5. Out of our 9 children 6 are grown and live on their own. I LOVE MY BLENDED FAMILY. My kids watched me put up with a mentally abusive ex all because I wanted to keep my “family” together. It wasnt a family at all it was hell…my fiance went through similar turmoil. Now that we have combined households its wonderful. I wouldnt trade it for the world…I dont know why you feel blended families are second rate but mine is the absolute best I have never been so happy or felt so much love before in my entire life. I hope you meet your person and they change your mind. Who knows they may have children that need the love that you can give them as a step-parent.
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It sounds like you’re really hurt and regardless what anyone else says you are entitled to your own thoughts but with that being said I’m sure that child/ children of yours deserve a father that will treat them right and when you’ve had time to heal from this ugliness you will eventually fall in love again and your mindset will change. Just take time to heal
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Then dont get in a relationship. Lol
Be single…
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Pretty sure you’re the only person that feels this way 
. I don’t know why you assume a stepfather and siblings is something your daughter wouldn’t want. Please don’t teach your daughter to be like you. It’s disappointing.
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A blended family is second best? Yeah you’re gonna’ be alone. I’m done here.
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21st century sis. It’s ok to evolve
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Sounds like you are going through alot, yes it would be lovely to have one family and stay with babies dad, and alot of woman refuse to get divorced, with the mentality they don’t want blended families. I left my babies dad, and was a single mum for a long time, you get lonely, and realise having another partner who may have a child already, isn’t so bad, and for me would be better then a man with no kids and no knowledge of how to be a parent, but there could be childless men out there willing to take on you and your child, and be great with her, give it time, and your mind will start to open.
I used to feel that way too. Until about 4 years after my husband abandoned me with 4 children. I started to live my life again and saw possibility in New places. I have remarried and have a blended family. There are don’t things i don’t like about it, but all in all in glad i did it. Pm me if you want you talk about specifics. I really do understand. To my core!
We are a blended family. My kids have a stepdad and a stepmom. They are surrounded by so much love, and they know it. It is definitely not second best.
I am trying to understand what is so funny🤔 the people laughing reactions
This feeling is very NORMAL.
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Are you jealous of the father of your child moving on?
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Feelings change, but as a child of a single parent household my mom, dated but kept that part of her life very private, when we were young. As I got older (teens) I often wonder and asked if she was lonely for a partner and her reply was “yes, but I never wanted to be put in a situation where I had to choose sides between a spouse and MY children, and with 2 girls and a very rambunctious boy did not want to increase the the chance for physical/sexual abuse”. It made me so sad at the time, but as a now mother, grandmother and counselor for women, I am so proud of my mama for having that forethought. You will know what to do when and if the time comes. I personally love children but would find it hard co parenting someone else’s!
As a person who came from a blended family im thankful they didn’t stay together. It wasn’t healthy for them or my brother and I. They both moved on and married different people. I’m blessed because I have 3 brothers and a sister I wouldn’t of had if my parents thought the way you do. I am grown now but I have two moms and two dads my children have so many loving grandparents.
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So everyone a favor and stay single then. Feel sorry you feel this way. Nothing wrong with a child being loved by more people. Feel sorry for ur ex and ur kids.
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U will reconsider when u meet the right guy. Blended families can work well.
I was very lucky. Married my husband after a divorce he is a wonderful father to my 2 kids been 35 years they call him dad. Don’t know what I would of done with out him
Give your head a shake pet
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I felt the same and 3 years later I’ve reconsidered my stance on marriage. I’m done having kids tho
You’re obviously not from a blended family. If you have this mentality you’d probably be a horrible step parent so please don’t get a blended family.
Personally I’m from a family with 7 children and 5 parents. I’ve never once thought of my family as second best. We’ve always been a family.
This toxic mentality is what makes a blended family " second best". I’d kill for my siblings even tho I do not have one full blood sibling. I share my mom with four of then and my dad with two.
There is no step in family unless a new comer like yourself is toxic and enforces it.
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You just sound selfish to me. She could potentially have four parents who love her as well as a bunch of siblings whether they be half whole step whatever. First of all you’re the one who teaches her what to call her siblings. Don’t consider them anything less than her brothers and sisters and they won’t be. When I left my daughter’s father I was terrified that I would never find somebody who loves her as much as me but now that I have I can’t imagine it any other way. She deserves all the love she can get and she doesn’t get it from her dad’s family and I sure as crap want to sit here and say I don’t want her to have any half-siblings. That’s just ridiculous. She’s not going to see them as half-siblings they are her brothers and sisters no matter what.
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I was part of 2 blended families and my step dad’s family accepted me just fine it was my step mother who was a royal b**** but her step mother and dad loved me
Blended family’s can be especially hard I did struggle I would only get a break every few years it was overwhelming if they have structure and an actual parent that partakes it’s not bad at all your just letting yourself think of the worse seniaras
I came from a blended family. If it wasn’t for my step dad I wouldn’t have ever had a dad. My real dad wanted nothing to do with us kids but went on to remarry and have 1 boy and 2 girls… I have a blended family now of my own. My child is much happier bc she sees me happier… some ppl are just toxic for each other and are better off apart. For yourself and your kids. Nothing wrong at all with a blended family
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Honestly I don’t think you can rule it out. You may meet someone that could totally change your mind and maybe not. But I would like you to think of what you said like this… your daughter like you said may have a stepmom someday that being said how would you feel if she was viewed the way that you are viewing a blended family? I feel that would could feel very differently if someone viewed your daughter like that.
I have a stepdaughter and a biological son from my step daughter’s dad and I love her just like my own I would not change it for anything I treat her the same as I do my son and at times it is difficult at times cope parenting but we have full custody of her her mom only has visitation I wouldn’t trade it for the world
If that’s how you feel then it’s probably best you don’t remarry or have more children with someone else. A blended family is not second best or second rate. You’re not making your child “put up with” a step father and half or step siblings. You’re simply growing their existing family. Step families are not a punishment.
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