I usually don’t respond to these, but this one hit a little different. I am wife, mom, and Bonus Mom as we call it. If you would of asked me if I saw myself in this situation when I was younger, I would of said no all day. However, I could not imagine life without my stepdaughter, her mom, and her brother (from her mom). It just to me sounds like your bitter right now, which is okay because no one knows the trials you are dealing with. But I definitely wouldn’t just swear off having a blended family, or the idea of it just because you are going through such a rough time right now.
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Its your life your choice, but you aren’t forcing anything onto your child. She could be just as miserable or happy without any other siblings from you. She could love it or hate it you never really know so do what makes you happy.
I don’t think a blended family is second best. Every situation is different but right now you are hurting. I wouldn’t rule it out for the future. You may find someone that is worth it. I have a step dad, an ex-stepmom and a step mom. All three of them are amazing and part of my life. It wasn’t always perfect especially when I was an angry teenager but how they handled it and helped me find my way or gave me space I needed is what created the amazing bond we have now. It wasn’t perfect and we all had to learn to live new normals but it was worth it and I wouldn’t want any of them out of my life. I also have step siblings some of whom I’m close to and some not but none of those relationships are negative. The “proper way” did not work. My parents were horrible together and they stayed together for us for a long time and it was ridiculous. Kids can feel it even if you hide it.
You are allowed to feel how you feel. If you dont want it don’t do it. It is very difficult. 50 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Im only speaking up because i had a blended family. He had 2 kids then we had one together and it just seemed like there were hurdles always. I love them all but hindsight I may not have gotten into it had I known…
Sounds selfish to me.
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My daughter’s dad and I divorced when she was 1. I got remarried and had 3 boys. Her dad also got re married and had 2 boys. His wife left him and his boys. We didn’t always get along but seeing each other at softball games our boys all became best friends and we all started hanging out. Fast-forward a few years when daycare closed down because of covid he didn’t have anyone to watch his boys so I offered to. Then after daycare opened back up they wanted to continue staying with me. So all summer they’ve been with me. I think they like coming because their mother don’t have anything to do with them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s been great for our daughter getting to have both parents around and getting along all the time. The only thing that drives her crazy is having to put up with 5 brothers. lol 
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This sounds like it is more about you than your kid.
I’m sorry but I am the mother of a very beautiful blended family. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Growing up did I say, I want to be a step-mother, no. But God has blessed my life with two of the most amazing bonus sons anyone could have.
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No , no I think you are a wonderful mother. I am with you , I don’t trust this step fathers , I see the news and the things that I hear scared the hell out of me. My children are the must important thing in my life. Now a day women can’t live without a man? Please children first. Good luck and May God Bless you and your child.
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I wouldn’t want another woman or man trying to take over the mother and father’s role either. I also wouldn’t want to risk my children being abused by the step parent or their friends or family.
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Nothing wrong with having those feelings/concerns, but never rule it out😉
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Wow. Is this a real status? I’m surprised this got approved and posted as it’s BANANAS insulting to people from blended families, and making their own blended families. They teach that families are all different to fucking KINDERGARTENERS. To think in this day and age that you can really come on a moms page and say that oh I dunno maybe half of us are “second best” is gross. Grow up.
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To each their own. It’s your feelings & they are valid.
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Best thing you should do is be single forever I can only imagine how you’d feel towards someone else’s children and it disgusts me!
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My blended family made my “biological family” better to be honest.
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My step father treated my siblings and i like we were less important because his 2 boys didnt live with us and only were able to visit in the summers, we never really liked him growing up, luckily they are divorced now but it honestly depends on the person. Everyone is different .
What’s wrong with having someone love your kid? My son has a wonderful step mom and I have a wonderful step daughter they have double the people to love them. You sound really selfish. You don’t have a choice wether she has a step mom or not, if your ex moves on then there will be someone else in her life. You’re setting a horrible example of hatred. My blended family is NOT “second best” it is the best! Both of our kids are extremely loved and happy! Get over yourself!
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Im sorry but you sound childish and selfish🤷🏻♀️
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I think right now you’re going through a hard time and when you find a man that’s worth your time with his own kids or not it’ll be worth it for you and your family blended or not. Right now healing is best. Be on your own for as long as you need and when you’re ready find someone who is worth it!
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With that attitude, you’ll most likely stay single so don’t worry about it 
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…I hope this is a troll post. Why would having more family harm your child or yourself for that matter? You can definitely make that choice if you’re done with that kind of life then focus on what you have and be happy. I honestly like my blended family better than my original (my stepdad, step sister, etc). I love having the extra family around.
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Aw this makes me sad! Family is family, and they aren’t always blood. I definitely get being worried about the type of person that will be brought into your child’s life while co parenting, but it’s pretty tasteless to lump all blended families together as “second best”
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Pathetic and selfish in sure your child would love a brother or sister some day
I separated from my now ex husband…toddler in tow…I met my current husband around a year later. Two years after that we had my youngest. A year after my youngest was born we got married.
This isn’t “second best”
Not for me. Not for my oldest son.
Second best would have been staying in my first marriage.
Second best would have been denying myself and remaining single because I thought I should.
My current husband…has sat through specialist appointments for my oldest. Hes gotten up with him in the middle of the night. Held him while he was sick. Hes been there. Is that “second best”?
Would it have been better for it to have just been me? I dont think so.
My oldest loves his little brother. He doesnt know half or step or anything…they’re just brothers.
Is it really second best that I had more children?
It’s easy to think a lot of things in the divorce process. Sometimes our minds latch on to an idea as a self-defense mechanism.
But not all self-defense mechanisms are healthy or good for us.
I personally would try some counseling I honestly think that would help some.
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I love our blended family! Step parents are just more people to love your kiddos!
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And this is the reason step parents get a bad rep put on them.
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A blended family is second best? Did you really just say that? You are a selfish self absorbed ass that doesn’t deserve happy imo, if you think you’re that much better than 3/4 of the planet, it’s no wonder you’re going through a nasty divorce 
I thought the same as you. I hated the fact that there was another women my kids could connect with. I didn’t want any man that wasn’t there dad around. Then I met my current husband. He didn’t have any kids. But when my ex stepped out of their lives he was there to help me pick up the pieces. We got married and he adopted my kids shortly after. I think that your views may change if the right circumstances arise.
Just keep in mind there is nothing wrong with staying single. You do you boo. Tons of support from me either way!!
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I struggle with this. Currently in a relationship and he has two kids. It’s better than I imagined because he is so good to my kids and his daughters are angels. All kids get along well. His girls are 11 & 8. My son is 9 and daughter is 3. I would like another kid too after seeing how good of a dad he is. So this has definitely changed my mind when I felt the same as you before.
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I LOOOOOOVE my blended family! I was your kid growing up. My mom remarried and had my brother and sister—- I absolutely hated my step dad but not once did I ever look at my siblings as anything less than my brother and sister! We are all still super close and I wouldn’t have traded them for anything! Now— I’m a step mom to my amazing bonus daughter who I love as my own and we also have my son and daughter as well— my bonus daughter loves them unconditionally. Personally I feel like you’re selfishly denying your child the opportunity to be loved! Is it always easy— nope! But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have ‘step’ sibling and I love them without differences. When you grow up with someone you don’t see the half blood dna. Their father was asshole tho
I was blessed with a amazing step dad !!! My life definitely benefited from having him !!
I don’t intend on finding someone else. My priority is my children. I don’t need anyone else. Their dad can go through all the skanks he likes, but my babies come first. When he fails them, I’ll always be there.
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Have my four babies from my ex husband and met my current fiancé and we are giving them a sister. There is no “proper” way to be a family.
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I met someone post-divorce but I felt the same way as you - I did not want to blend families. We stayed together while the kids grew up, and now we are married.
Having a blended family has its difficult moments. But I always tell my kids it means they have more family to love and that love them!! Their dad remarried has 2 more kids and a step daughter. 3 more siblings! 3 more possible best friends. I have an amazing boyfriend and my kids have a positive male role model in their lives! My kids give him a tough time but they love him more than they may be willing to admit at times lol! It doesn’t have to be “second best”. It can turn out to be the best ever! But you will never know without taking that chance.
I think you just need to so you. Be single if that’s what you want and need to give the best support for your family, but if someone else does show up in your life later on, don’t completely shun the idea for that alone. Everyone is different and the blender family situation will only be bad if the person you have around is bad.
I see where you are coming from OP. I’m from a very big blended family. And there is alot of experience from it. My “step” dad (I don’t like the whole step- and half- thing) and siblings from his previous relationships and with my mum are great. Quite loud and busy but great. And don’t get me wrong, my siblings from my step mum (she’s the only one I use it with. I was never able to call her mum) and dad are great too, but there was clearly favourism from step mum growing up and still is to a certain degree. Because I’m older now, I deal with it better but as a child it did hurt alot and don’t get me started as a hormonal, emotional teen
Things happen for a reason, and maybe one day you’ll meet someone that has children that may need you as much as you needed them… but if Those are your feelings about the situation then stay single for the rest of your life, because people you meet nowadays have children already, and it’s always a package deal you accept it or not…
My eldest daughter is blessed to have an incredible step dad and step mum Might not be your cup of tea but she gets to see what love should look like and has so much love in her life. I wouldn’t change a thing
Wow, ouch. Blended families are not second best. It’s not all cupcakes and rainbows it can be messy but there is a lot of good too. I have step-kids, they have step siblings and younger siblings now. It can be a lot of work but we are all happy to have each other. I get along well with my husband’s ex and I wish everyone the same united team for everyone involved. Don’t bring your negative feelings to what can be a very loving extended family and a happy life for your kid(s) and yourself
nope! im with you 100%! i’ve been a single mom for 9 years and it will stay that way. my children are my priority and i don’t think one needs a partner to have a great life. great for the ones that risk it and have good outcomes, but i’m not exposing my children to anything! they don’t need to be dealing with more besides the separation. im not putting a piece of ass before my kids. when i decided to be a mom i knew that i could still live my life, just a bit different, sonif being single is what it takes for their well being, safety, and their happiness, then im perfectly fine with it! their happiness is mine! you don’t need a man to be happy, that’s where some women mess up
Your feelings will change. It takes time tho. Do push or make yourself do it tho. Time Wii tell
I always felt the same. Then, one day I woke up to realize that my high school sweetheart had some serious issues that he was not willing to get help for and even though most of it was trauma related, I couldn’t help him unless he helped himself. We ended up having two precious babes together, and he was an amazing father and most of the time a good partner as well… but as far as what I was looking for in a husband and what I was even used to him being as the leader of our household, bread winner, etc… he had just given up on life. So, I walked out. For a long time I didn’t want to have a blended family. I knew that I could date and whatnot, but I didn’t want anyone around my kids. Not even a year later I met my now fiancé. Two months into dating he potty trained my then 18mo son in 2 days. He already had two children himself of the same age, and he REALLY stepped up for me. We had some issues for a while and we had to work through them, but I couldn’t ask for better. My kids’ bio dad got out of jail once and my son who was 3 at that time told me, “momma, I have two dads again…” we have the best coparenting relationship with my ex and his soon to be wife. Don’t be so close minded. You may feel the same forever, but chances are you’ll meet someone who will change your mind.
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all depends on situation and who you meet. if he accepts you and child why not? I wouldn’t turn it away
My husband and I have 2 kids together and he has 2 older boys from an ex. In the words of my older stepson because his unstable mother kidnapped them and noe we have custody, “I wish i had grown up with my sister” as this big 13 year old RUNS to scoop her up for a big hug. Both boys love my bio kids and they love our house. As long as the adults can be even moderately stable, its just more people to love them. 💁
If you don’t want a blended family that’s okay. It’s completely up to you who you date (as long as they treat y’all right) and who you choose to spend your life with if you choose to date again.
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I have such a blended family its hard to explain who is who when I was growing up.
Honestly I feel blessed to have so many amazing people who have loved and cared for me over the years. My step dad (who divorced my mum a long time ago) has always remained in my life and still had us every 2nd weekend like we were his flesh and blood. Still had my real dad come and take us for holidays and such (he lived in another state) and always made time for us.
My step dad re married (since separated) and I still have my step dads exs family seeing us, I count them as my step sisters etc.
Family isn’t always blood… i have an amazingly large family that has been made better by all the blending that has gone on 
But! In saying that… if it isn’t for you then it isn’t for you. There is no shame in not wanting that for your own life, what works for one might not work for another.
Your feelings may change in the future, but what you feel now isnt wrong so don’t worry.
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My 2 since would say you are just hurting from your divorce and you are looking to far into the future. Just take some time for you and your daughter and focus on the now.
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Honey, if it wasn’t for “blended families” then my 2 youngest nephews from my sister wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t be becoming a great Aunt ×2 this Friday! I’m not saying jump the gun with the first man you meet, but once everything settles down, you might change your mind how you feel
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Well the percentage may be small who thinks blended families aren’t the way to go I’m not against blended families at all sometimes it can be for the best give it time try to stay open minded
Sounds like a good fit for you, go for it.
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I have a blended family and they absolutely adore each other. I feel like mine is not second to yours because mine obviously is much more overflowing with love than yours. Sry not sry.
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I love my blended family, but you sound like the type that should never have children, even the first. This is such a hateful mentality, I hope you don’t pass it along.
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I personally think your “idea” of a blended family is all wrong. But I also believe that once you heal from this divorce and meet someone else you may change your mind
Okay so all I got from this is you can’t have step children bc you’re incapable to love a child that isn’t your blood, so please don’t go into the dating world and make a man feel less bc he has children.
And please again don’t go into the dating world and deny a man who doesn’t have children any of his own if he is to be with you. 
Just staying single would do everyone a favor.
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Yeah blended families are super tough and not for everybody
Things will change when you meet the right person… Just dont toss someone aside just because they have kids… If you truly like them and they treat you and your kids like gold kids love em… Then why would you deny yourself all the happiness you deserve and that could be sitting infront of you one day…
I am from a blended family, I was an only child when my mom remarried. From that marriage she had 2 other daughters. They aren’t my half sisters, just my sisters. I also don’t call my step sister a step sister, she just my sister & her children are my nieces/nephews. We may not always see eye to eye, but that’s the case with any family members.
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Nobody plans on it…love leads the way.
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I’ve been separated 7 years. I disliked blended families then and still now. I’ve had the same partner for 5 years and we have a life together, but we live in different houses and we will continue to untill both our children are older and off beginning their own lives.
My friends and family don’t understand it; but they don’t have to. This was my own promise I made to myself for my children and I’m the one that has to live it.
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Listen your choice but I wouldn’t call a blended family second best. If it’s full of love and happiness that’s all that matters. I have a step-dad and I can honestly say I’d be lost without. Hes been more of a father to me than my real dad and my nights staying up with my stepsister were some of the best times I could ask for not to mention my half sister on my father’s side is absolutely phenomenal and I’m so blessed to have all of them. Step-whatever is only horrible if they are horrible people, or if they show favorites but if they swoop in and become better family than some of your actual family then that shit epic. By all means do what you want but don’t deny yourself things in life just because you’re possible new man isn’t your daughter’s father or having more kids because they wont be full blood relation to you daughter. That won’t matter at the end of the day if everyone is happy and loved.
Yeah if my fiance and I broke up, I wouldn’t have more kids with anyone and I wouldnt date someone who already had kids. I could not deal with a baby mumma honestly. Some are so damn nasty.
I found a great guy with no kids. Much better than being with my ex. We had 2 more kids and I’m very happy. Blended families can be a great thing. With your attitude though it wouldnt end well because your views are all messed up.
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What ever the reason…do not get involved with anyone until you dont think life with them is second best…nobody deserves to be treated that way.
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Nobody wants to think of, one day they will be lucky enough to have a blended family. But, once you are mostly healed from this divorce you’ll likely be open to just being loved in a way you don’t feel is possible but totally is. Just don’t be selfish thinking your possiblity doing your child a favor, that possible blended family could be the biggest blessing to her. You never know.
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I grew up in a small family and hated it, I would have loved to had more siblings, cousins…etc blended or not. I would date a single mom
My blended family. My kids dad let them go at a early age. He got a new family. My husband is a great dad to my kids. He proves blood does not equal love. 23 years later I’m sure my kids consider him their dad.
I grew up in a blended family and have one myself and maybe you shouldn’t bc you obviously do not have the proper capacity to be a step parent… I love my family and its usually better than what you had in the first place esp If the divorce was bad … mine was brutal but I love my step children and they love me… your idea of what it is just is mind blowing…
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You’re grieving for yourself and your child. Most importantly, some day you’ll come to realize that, as long as you have your daughter, every thing will be ok.
I think your post is a slap in the face to “blended families” as you put it… I guess you had the “perfect family” growing up, huh?
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I didn’t like the ideal of a blended family my dad had stepkids and I hated the idea because he always put the step kids first he never put any of his other kids first and my half-sister didn’t like her either
That is literally the dumbest thing I’ve heard today…
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Blended families are so common it may seem slightly selfish not to be automatically okay with it,however; I think you’re spot on with your feelings. Blended families cost more money, your time is shared drastically , and then as children grow their attitudes shift. When the children are younger it’s easier but as they grow it becomes harder. Unfortunately that’s where you have the sayings oh she/he picked their spouse over me etc. blended families are emotionally draining.
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I think you sound like a selfish brat and I feel sorry for your daughter just by reading this.
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Teaching your child that if you don’t find true love the first time to give up and be alone doesn’t sound so “proper” to me.
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I feel like this too
I understand completely how you feel. It is not easy parenting other peoples children and can be traumatic to all those involved. Going into having children it’s Absolutely important to try and do your best to keep it healthy and together But for those who can’t, having a blended family can be a great thing but it can also be a horrific experience. You do what you want and feels best for you and your daughter. But once separated you can’t expect your partner to feel the same.
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You will feel totally different in a year. You are still married… give it it a minute
With that bs attitude they won’t want you either. No worries!
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No reason to run right into another relationship and it’s certainly ok to not have a relationship with anyone else until your children are raised
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Well it kinda there’s no way back…divorce and with kids that means a blended family unless you get rid of your daughter and start a new single life then it will be new, fresh and original…not blended…
To insinuate that a blended family isn’t the “right way” is “second best” is super offensive to blended families on here. Your pride will be your biggest downfall if it hasn’t been already.
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Nah I love my half brothers! We grew up in the same house our whole lives never saw each other as less than siblings. My stepbrother was my favorite before he passed away. My other stepbrother and me don’t have a relationship and it’s sad… never discount how a beautiful comes together
If that’s how you feel, then thats how you feel.
Myself plus many others I know are part of blended families… but we dont see it as blended. We ate just a family, theres nothing but lots if love and support.
I mean… unless you marry within your family tree, anyone you meet and marry is now blended into your family just as youd be blended into theirs… do idk.
I definitely dont understand why you think it’s such a negative thing for your child, why you think she has to “deal” with it…
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Don’t have anymore children, raise the one you have and die alone. Sounds reasonable to me!! 
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Die alone, mad, unhappy, unsatisfied, disappointed and regretful. Ain’t no body goin want a mf with a stank ass attitude like that anyways.
Stay single… I have four kids and there’s no way in hell I would bring a man around my kids.
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Is this for real!!!???🤦I can’t even!!
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my 4 kids were raiised by a stepdad that had 3 kids.we did just fine
my oldest son married someone.they had his daughter her 3 daughters and they had a daughter.they were all raised as sisters not half whole n step.they only new my sons stepdad as grandpa.there was.no step half whole
raisem right u wont have a problem.my other son has raised 2 different womens kids
theyve called him. dad.
my other sons gf has 3 kids hes rsised his 2
.my daughter has raised hers now shes helping raise her boyfriends 2 kids im grandma and were all familu.my uncle sd
adopted a child for years noone even knew she was adopted
Holy crap. Second best? But having your child grow up in a home with no father is better? How is THAT not second best?
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It’s part of life, enjoy it or you may miss out so much.
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I mean that’s up to you. I for one don’t ever plan on being with anyone who has kids already because I just already know that I don’t really like being around other people’s kids. Maybe my feelings on it would change and I could love their children as my own whole heatedly, but I don’t even want to be put in that situation to even try. So as someone who feels this way, I understand you. Tbh if this relationship with my current bf doesn’t work out I’ve already decided I’m not getting into another serious relationship until my kids are grown and maybe even not then. I’m a very solitary person and prefer to be the only adult in my house
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I think she is still really hurt and. Still not ok with what is going on in her situation which is very understandable just the thought. Can be
Overwhelming we are still going through a divorce and not knowing what the future holds I think these thoughts are just hurt feelings of what might happen with time and healing I believe this will change after me and my kids go separated it was hard for me to think about him moving on and Possibly having another family but with timing Hilling I got over it
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I understand and agree do the right thing for you
Family is family regardless of where the members came from. If you see it as blended and wrong then there will always be a divide.
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I say in my honest opinion don’t do it. Going through a second break up due to infidelity and another child involved with men it’s just not worth it.
I love my blended family!! My hubby is actually ten years older then me his oldest has two kids of his own already so I get to be a step grandma and totally love it!! He has a 6 year old daugther and I have a 11 year old son and we are due any day with ours together!!
Is it hard?? Fucking rights it is, we have very different parenting skills but at the end of the day its so worth it! I love this man so much and all his kids and I love how he loves my son as well!!
I do however understand why you don’t want to have a blended family… i too thought that way for a very long time… and even at the beginning of this relationship it was really hard to adjust but once you do its crazy how much you fall in love and the whole thing changes! Your view changes its crazy!!
I would get through your hardship right now and go self heal then look for a person to be with… they don’t need to have kids for you to fall in love with them my dear they could just be a single person on their own as well! But definitely take time to heal from your divorce hun and keep an open mind but Definitely tell people to back off from telling you to find someone… you don’t need that right now you need to heal and enjoy you and your child for a while!!
If that’s truly how you feel you should consider getting your tubes tied and the first question on every date should be “do you have or do you want kids?” If it’s a yes to either, walk away.
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