Hahahahahhaha my three are being raised by their step dad. Who also has a daughter. And we will maybe soon have one of our own. It’s totally your choice but it’s not second best.
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The more offencive questions I see on here, the more I realize I just need to unfollow. I’m a blended family and so are my children soo. Your loss on what could be a beautiful family.
out.
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Blended families are bloody hard work but when you fall head over heels in love it’s worth it 
In saying that, if it’s not for you, it’s not for you and that’s totally ok!
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This picture was taken 2 weeks ago. On the right is my bonus daughter, her step brother and her biological father and they are smashing her face with cake. On the left is me and my bonus daughter’s biological mother smashing her face with cake.
They had a blast!
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This is actually called close minded. You don’t know what is in store for you later on in life. You just need to try and prepare yourself mentally. Your children will not suffer from having step parents. It’s just more people to love them.
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Never wanted that either, t0 much drama…
You will feel differently later on…when you meet somebody with children, you will grow to love their children, as your own.
My husband once said to me, about my children, ( his step children). that “if you truly love somebody ,you will love their children.”
I have a blended family and it worked out pretty darn well…you have to work at it ,but it usually turns out nicely,…
I love our blended family 
but if it’s not for you that’s fine too…just don’t miss out on the chance for real love…sn: if your in the middle of a nasty divorce why are you thinking about blended families and dating at this point 
YIKES. My step son is the best and I’m due aug. 1st with my second child, which will be my first child with my husband. Small mindedness is what will hurt your child. I didn’t know there were people out there who honestly believes in stuff like that
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Find someone without any kids that is fine with you not having any more children. There are men like that out there.
Well when you find that next person and want to spend your life with them, if they have children, you won’t think of them as step but as bonus.
If you can’t ever consider a blended family, stay single.
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Your feelings will probably change, the hurt is still too strong. But I didn’t want a blended family either and only have my boys from my marriage but I didn’t need anymore lol
I’m gonna sound like a massive bitch but do the world a favor and not only stay single but have someone else instill what love should be to your child. Apparently you feel that children shouldn’t be adopted and should be raised in an orphanage because in all sense a child who is adopted is a "blended family ". How are you going to feel if your ex gets married again and his new wife feels the same way as you do about blended families. Better yet maybe your ex should be the one raising your child so she doesn’t end up looking down on any of her friends who come from blended families. I know I sound harsh but I take offense to your post as I have a blended family and my husband loves my oldest child as his own and actually is more of a father than her bio dad.
Maybe work on not being a bitter woman from your experience but learn from it. If you stay bitter then he wins and if you keep that view of blended families then you’re going to possibly miss out on meeting someone great. I stayed alone for 8 years after my daughter was born by my choice and then i met my husband. He has a bonus daughter and i have a bonus son and then we have a son and daughter together. Also dont ever consider fostering children or adopting a child as you say you can’t love someone else’s child and the children in foster care or are up for adoption have been through hell already and dont need an experience with someone like you.
You need to get over yourself
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Some step parents are better than the originals. Just sayin
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Wow! Iv been with my partner nearly 6 years I had a daughter who was 3 at the time when we got together and we now have a son together he’s now 4 and my daughter is 9 she still sees her dad every week, so basically you don’t wanna get with someone ever again especially if they had children 
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You have your own opinions and do only what you feel comfortable with… maybe you feel lile no one will be able to love your kids as much you do or you wouldn’t be able to love someone elses kids like you would your own and so on… your fears are all valid… don’t do something if you are not comfortable with it…
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Then you’re perfectly fine not having anymore kids. That’s up to you and no one can make that decision for you. 🤷 I don’t see why some people get all offended by this. You do you, let her do her and that’s it. Like the way religion should be.
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I love my blended family. My step mom has been a huge blessing to me. She and my mom because best friends before she passed away. They called each other wife in-laws. My step mom was so amazing while my mom while passing aways. Thanksgiving that year was spent in the hospital. My dad and step mom cooked her the whole shebang. Turkey, ham dressing ect… Sent it to the hospital. I have step brothers and nieces and nephews who I adore. I’m actually closer to one of my step brothers than I am my blood brothers. I don’t know what I would have done with out my step mom during the worst part of my life. Blended family are beautiful
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If that’s how you feel then by all means stay single…you’re not stepmom material and that’s fine no need for you to ruin some poor kids life
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And I’m gonna be honest I don’t feel that I could love someone else’s children the way I love my own and that’s why my boyfriend is 42 and has no children! You are not the only one who feels this way, I promise!
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It is very hard to have a blended family. If you ever decide to, please get family counseling on how to blend your family. I tried to get my husband to do this and he wouldn’t, and after 6 years, we are getting a divorce
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I was the same way but I was wrong! My husband has 3 from his 1st marriage, I have twins from my 1st marriage & we have one together. We are not blended, step or half. We are family! This has been the best 10 years of my life. My husband has treated the twins like his own & the same with me. I’m thankful I changed my mind because I would have missed out. Good luck & I wish you the best.
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I am MOM in our blended family. I honestly couldn’t love his 3 more if I’d given birth to them myself. I had a child from previous relationship, and he couldn’t love her more had been her biological father. Then we were blessed with one of our own. One thing we never did, was use the word “step”. If you aren’t willing to love someone else’s children as you love your own…stay single…its not fair to ANY of the children…
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Having a family in any form is hard…make sure when you are ready to date to go slow. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to show your children a healthy relationship. Pick your person wisely and if it doesn’t work out sometimes that’s how life rolls.Go slow. Try and not make the same mistakes you may have made in your marriage…but not until you’re ready. It may take a while or it may never happen. You don’t have too.
Right now you feel this way because of the divorce. Give it time and you may change and have a different outlook. Take time for yourself right now learn to love yourself and be ok it will be ok one day at a time.
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My blended family is exponentially better and healthier than my first marriage. We were truly blessed by both my husband and the children we share together.
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It may change or it may not. My husband and I are separated and I honestly do not want to be serious with someone else until my kids are much older(16-18) as they are very young right now if we do not work things out. I had a step parent and it wasn’t great in the beginning. I just couldn’t imagine doing that to my kids but it may change🤷🏼♀️
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My blended family works in great harmony. None of the kids are treated any different than the others, we’ve been a blended family for 7 years.
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Yes what Desirae Paleo said!! My son has a step dad now and we have been trying but no other kids (I don’t think he can have any) my son keeps asking for a brother or sister he hates being the only child.
I also come from a blended family and I didn’t know till later on in life that my sister has a different dad, but my dad is her dad as she has never met her biological dad.
You are in the middle of a messy divorce. I would not make longtime decision now. But my dad died when I was 10 and my mom remarried and gave me 3 more brothers and sister. I love them so much I couldn’t imagine if she had said she would rather be a single mom. Now they did divorce and I love my stepdad to this day and I’m going to be 50. I have also been married had 4 boys got divorced and had 4 more boys. But you have to do what feels right to you but kids DON’T always feel the way you do. You could cheat your child in the end
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I understand. Me, too. But, only God sees the future. Till then, enjoy life and take it one day at a time. Sometimes, having someone in your life is also good.
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Girl a blended family could be the best thing that eber happened to u and ur kids! If u even think this way dont do it
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If you feel that way then you feel that way. It may or may not change. But don’t feel the need to jump into a relationship due to others.
You are just now getting divorced just process that for now. One thing at a time.
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Ooo and there is no such thing then step children.
I don’t have a problem with it blended family. My sister has a step daughter who is just as much my niece as my brothers girls 
My blended family is the best!!!
I have a blended family and we are happy
I feel the same way.
Then stay single…
I hope that I was able to understand this the way you wanted it. First it sounds like you are grieving a divorce and loss of a marriage. I would recommend reading:The grief recovery method" this may help you work some things out. 2. Blended families can be difficult if you choose it to be and also if the hard conversations are not had before you get remarried. I can understand not wanting to get remarried, not putting your children through another relationship that may or not may work out. That is a choice you have to make for you. I also want to say that maybe one day you may change your mind and find the one person you can spend the rest of your life with.
With all that work on you and becoming healthy for your children now and let life take its course.
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Second best ? Really ? Then you just miss out on something wonderful!! I have had a blended family for over 22 years. My children had the privilege of having 2 amazing fathers to help guide through life. When our daughter got married both of her fathers were there to walk her down the isle. Life is what you make it. !!!
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I have mixed feelings about this. I came from a blended family. My mom remarried when I was a kid but it was not a loving relationship. I hated it and had a lot more respect for my dad staying single and not into a next bad relationship. However, if it is a loving relationship and your partner loves your child as theirs it can be wonderful. Everyone’s experience is different, do what is right for you and yours.
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So, I had a daughter before my husband and I met. My husband immediately treated her like his own and then we had our son. My children are raised together and don’t know anything different. It isn’t easy at first. When I first left my ex, I wanted no parts of dating or being with someone who had children. That changed, for me, after awhile. Although my husband doesn’t have children from any previous relationships it was still difficult. Just do what is right for you and your child. Not one anyone else says is right
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My second husband is an amazing father to my kids, it takes a lot of communication to get through a divorce, just glad I moved on!
There’s nothing wrong with that! I’m 5 years out from my divorce and still have no desire to date or have anyone around my children after what we went through with their bio dad. It could change and it could not for you. Either way, you’re not wrong or selfish for whatever choice you make.
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You may or may not continue to feel this way, but, I come from a blended family and I love it! I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have 4 amazing parents and 10 younger siblings that I adore. I’ve always had someone there to go to or hang out with. My mom and dad have always done their best to make sure that we see that sometimes people aren’t good together and that the alternative can sometimes turn out better than the traditional non-blended family. I also have two daughters with different fathers and both are amazing fathers to my daughters and accept one another.
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As someone who comes from a blended family and also has one with my daughter, it can be wonderful. Its actually just showing your child how many more people love her than just her immediate family. I have half siblings and step siblings (but I don’t refer to them that way unless the conversation absolutely requires it). I love ALL of my siblings (total of 6) and my daughter has tons of aunts and uncles because of it. Teach her that families look different and that is okay. Obviously do what’s best for you and your daughter, just try not to have such a negative attitude toward it so that you can at least make the best decision for you and your child.
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You had a life plan of what you life would look like. Mom, Dad, kids, and a dog. Circumstances change and you have to give your self a chance to adapt and become comfortable with the new situation. After you do your children will do what you do. Don’t give up on what u dreamed and wanted. It will just have a twist or change. Give yourself a chance.
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Not all blended families are bad. My daughter from my first marriage was treated the same as our other children by my husband and my former mil treated our other children like they were her grandchildren always
My husband adopted my daughter he’s the only dad she knows. He has 2 children from a previous marriage and she had a daughter that my husband also raised so his 2 and the other child he raised are our children. When we met i knew he had kids and he knew i did. They aren’t my stepchildren they’re my children i don’t treat them any different. It’s kind of hard in the beginning because there are boundaries, but the longer we were together it was easier. His children come to me before their own mom.
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Nothing wrong with the way you feel. I choose to stay single since my son’s father and I split. I am perfectly content with that. I enjoy my freedom. I also don’t trust people so another reason I choose to stay single and even if I did end up on a relationship they will not be involved with my child rearing at all. On a positive note for blended families though, my parents divorced when I was 6/7. I was raised by my dad. The first family my dad hooked up with sucked for the most part. But the second family my dad hooked up with are amazing people. They got together when I was around 14 or 15 and have been together every since. They are amazing people and I love them just like family.
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You have to decide what is best for you. However, I really believe that it is wrong to just assume that blended families are second rate. No family is perfect and blended families may take a little more work than ‘biological’ families, but if you are in a situation that you are thinking about this, your ‘biological’ family wasn’t the best either. Obviously some families are dysfunctional, whether biological or blended, while others of both types function beautifully. All families take work and true love spans all family types. Good luck to you!
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Your kids or her fathers kids will not be step siblings- they will be her siblings… blended families can be amazing! Mine is! I have a 13 year old bonus daughter, 9 year old twins between me and my husband, and an adopted 8 year old… they love their siblings
Your point of view is what is going to make your daughters life hell when her dad remarries or one of y’all have a kid or partner with a kid!
You have to do what is best for the kids and change your attitude accordingly. If you talk bad about it she will not accept it and will feel unwanted
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I think that it’s important that if you do date that you make sure they treat you and your children well and show you that they want a cohesive family unit. Its tricky but a blended family doesnt automatically mean a miserable life.
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There is nothing wrong with blended families. Right now you’re hurting, probably still grieving the end of your marriage. It is possible you may change your mind in the future, or you might feel that way always. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself right now, and the best thing to say to people (who are likely trying to make you feel better by saying you’ll meet someone again) is that your not ready to think about that right now, because you’re not. Do what you need to heal and then do what’s best for you.
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My stepsons mom died and when I he came to live with us it was great I had a baby after that and he is still deffinetlly my son her are closer then him and his dad even I would not give him up for anything and my foughter is his sister for sure and very close and now his kids call me grandma and o don’t even think of him as a step son he is my son just love the new kids it will e greatall b
I have a blended family and I’ll tell you one thing it’s not easy in the beginning. BUT if you love their kids like your own and they love yours the same then it wont even matter later on. I love my son even though I didnt give birth to him. And my husband loves my daughters. Family is family does not matter how the became family. If you decide it’s not for you then do not do it. You do not want to look at the kids differently. I wanted a huge family so mine became a bonus to me. We now have 4 kids. 3 previously mentioned and our 1 yr old we have together. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Your feelings might change. My son and stepdaughter are 9 months apart and they adore each other. They were 4 and 5 when they met now 16 and 17. Don’t get me wrong, blending a family isn’t easy. We went on to have 3 more kids. There have been plenty of bumps in the road but if you find someone who will love your daughter as their own or vice versa than you can make it work!
I come from a blended family and was blessed with the greatest step father to ever exist. I also have a blended family and love them all equally. Take your time to heal over the end of your marriage and make wise decisions when it comes to your child. But I’m glad my Mom married my Dad he was one of the only people in my life who taught us unconditional love.
You’re not even divorced yet and already stressing about having a blended family…STOP IT…Focus on one day at a time and what you can do to make the best life for your daughter and yourself…
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Everything happens for a reason. I grew up in a blended family which was a godsend because my stepmom and I are super close like blood mother and daughter. My real mom was abusive. As an adult I have two kids from my first marriage and after 8 years of being a divorcee I found the love of my life who is my best friend. We have a baby together, and we both brought children from previous marriages. We have an all around blended family. It’s not always easy but it really is great having a family full of love and compassion.
If you feel that everybody would be a step child, stepparent, then yes you need to stay in your lane. Otherwise if you can get rid of the acronyms and love somebody for who they are and family is family no matter what the bloodline is, then you’ll find more happiness. Just saying
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If you found the right man I think your feelings would change… your just not there right now… take the time to be with your kid and get her thoughts and work on yourself… when the time feels right and your strong enough I think you’ll be more open to it
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Wow! Talk about needing to rethink things. If it were not for my husband my boys would not have a dad. My oldest son was abandoned by his father. My youngest son’s father is in prison. We don’t use the terms step and half. We are FAMILY!
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My son has a blended family his girlfriend has a daughter to some one else and he is the only dad she knows and neither him or any of my family treat her differently she calls him dad and she calls me and my husband grammy and pappy
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It’s 100% up to you. I was never married but I had my son when I was 20 with someone who didn’t wany us. When my son was 2 going on 3 we met my fiance and he is the best dad my son could ask for. We’re now expecting baby number 2 in January and we are very happy. You may change your mind after your wounds have healed. Keep your head up. Your child will not blame you for looking for happiness and love. They may even really like the person you bring home. Just make sure to know the person before introducing them to your child and be fair and understand when making parenting decisions.
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I think if she really believes that way then as she goes forward she should remember she does not want children with another husband for some reason her beliefs are strong inside her and until she forgives and forgets or releases those fears she will only make someone else suffer including her own child never do what you were not comfortable with
I feel this is a bit selfish and judgemental. You don’t have to be with anyone. Or get married. Or have more children. I am blessed to be a part of our blended family. As a woman this is best relationship I have ever been in. As a mother, the best father figure I could ever ask for for my children.
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Don’t worry about a blended family. You need to worry about the divorce and your daughter!!! Take one day at a time and do what’s best for you and your daughter! There are unique struggles to having a blended family. Some blended families work well and others don’t! As long as you put you and your daughter first, things will work out!!!
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When you meet the right man your feelings may change. We have a blended family and it works wonderfully!
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If and when you meet the right person, you will know in your heart. If you meet someone and still feel uncomfortable with this, then he isnt the right one.
I swore off men after so many not right ones. Then I met my guy. He is The One. My heart yelled keep him. So I did. His family is crazy and weird, but bc I love him and they know it, we get along. Ppl can be protective, and seem off putting, but once you/they realize it’s for real, watch the shield come down.
Coming from a blended family myself I think if you meet the right person and they have children you may change your mind! I had a wonderful family life on both sides!! Wouldn’t change or give up one minute of my upbringing!! Good luck to you…
I got divorced in 1994. I have two sons who were 17 and 12 at the time. I pretty much felt as you do and didn’t want to have another marriage or relationship while they were still at home. I dated somewhat, mostly long distance relationships, but primarily focused on my sons and my career. I don’t regret it. I am now 75 years old and have been with a nice man for 14 years. I do not want to be married again. He and I have our own homes. My sons get along well with him and he is part of our family. Your daughter may be younger than my sons were and you might change your mind one day, but I didn’t. If you would like another child you could adopt. Being a single mother is challenging, but if you have a good job and some financial resources, you can manage well. Good luck!
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Very sad that you feel this way, and I honestly hope it doesn’t happen for you because it doesn’t sound like you’d treat them properly anyway. Stay single if you feel this strongly but I also hope you don’t date.
My oldest father decided he didnt want to be married when I was pregnant. I met my current husband when he was two and a half…it was a package deal and he knew it…and I would never let anyone treat my son as a second class child…husband and I have been together 21 years. My oldest is 23. We have two other kids that are ours no step parents here. Though my oldest pretty much considers his dad as our child also. Totally never adopted well. And when he needs something he calls us…
A blended family most certainly NOT second best. The BEST thing that could have happened to me and my 2 oldest are my husband, their step siblings and our youngest. Family is family and blood is NOT always thicker than water.
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My children are from a blended family. My daughter is from my first marriage and my sons from my second and even though I divorced him my 3 kids are very close to each other. I won’t have more children, I can’t. I will remarry someday I think my 3 could use the mentorship and the example of a good marriage in their lives.
I had a child with someone I wasn’t officially together with. we tried to make it work but once she turned a year we went out separate ways. I never wanted more kids because of that blended family fear but then I met the most amazing guy. no kids and now we are expecting our own bundle of joy. my daughter is over the moon and her father is expecting his own new baby in the fall as well with his new partner. sometimes I think how the last names will be different but besides that it’s honestly the happiest she has been and I have been
Everyone is different…and things change every once in a while. You may despise a blended family now, but a day may come where you may be fine with it. Either way, it is what works for you that is important. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. Find yourself again as a strong, single woman…if along the way someone comes around that you become interested in, dont be afraid to love again…but it is all in your timing, hun.
To each their own but I love my blended family and my husband tears my kids like his own. I love his daughter as much as if I have birth to her. The three of them get along as well as 12-15 year old siblings ever could. I can’t imagine my family without all of us.
I wish you the best of luck:heart:
Maybe your feelings will change, maybe not. I did not remarry after my divorce. I was fearful of someone I brought home preying on my children who were 4 and 6 at the time. I was also very bitter and did not trust myself to choose well. It was the right decision for me. I found it much easier to focus my energy on my kids without someone else there or may or may not like them and will definitely have an opinion about how I am choosing to parent. I don’t regret it.
I have a blended family. I brought four kids to this family. He brought four also. I love my step kids and he loves his. We’ve been married for 12 years. Our kids love their step parents and step siblings. Ages 29, 24, 23, 19, 19, 18 (autistic), 17 and 15.
There is nothing wrong with that. But if you find the right person, a blended family can be amazing! But I mean you’re still
Going through a divorce, calm down and focus on you, your daughter, and the present.
My step dad (which I absolutely hate calling him) came in and NEVER once treated me like I wasn’t his own flesh and blood. I am so thankful that my mom re-married, or I would not have my dad or my brothers and sisters.
I am also very lucky to have my biological dad and that all my parents get along (I know that is not usually the norm). My dad has taken my half siblings on trips with us, He has spent countless Christmas’ with all of us.
Nothing wrong with a blended family, the kids just have double the love and double the friendships in siblings, and since this is a fresh wound for you, the feeling will change as time goes by, but don’t be so unacceptable of a blended family, just give yourself time
My grandsons mother remarried and brought and her new husband had two children from a previous marriage. Now they have one together so truly you’re mine and ours situation. All of the children in that household call me grandma and I would never make a difference even though biologically I’m only related to the oldest!
You have definitely been hurt somewhere along the way. Blended families can be the best family if the parents choose partners wisely. Just because a parent or siblings aren’t blood, doesn’t mean they can’t be close and love each other
I feel totally different, I think that the more people that love my child the better off I am. Extra siblings are simply more love. If you look at it negative than it will be a negative experience but if you look at it like wow how blessed you are to be loved by all these people , your child will realize the blessing.
Your choice is what it will be honey. No one, and I mean, absolutely no one can make you get married or have more children again. Marriage is hard, and seeing your child adjust to another person, even harder. I myself struck gold, but I realize it doesn’t happen to everyone. I am happily married to a man that loves my son, my son loves him and he loves his sister. I also hate the word, “step”. Forget accuracy, the word itself makes an immediate difference that separates. You will know when you have healed, when your child seems to accept their new life and maybe one day they will tell you, mom, I would like for you to be happy with someone as well. It takes time, you will know when it happens, and when it does, it will be desired by everyone. Give yourself time. A lot of time. You will know when.
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You are reeling from your broken heart. If/when love finds you and your heart heals you may find gratitude for this change which is so overwhelming now. Give yourself grace and time.
My blended family is amazing! I wouldn’t have it any other way and my children love it! Except one due to alienation.
Blended families can be amazing!!! If you, the father and the steps can get along for the kids, than I don’t see why it can’t be a wonderful thing. More love to get and give!!! Big holidays to celebrate too!!! Make memories!!! An annual get together with everyone! Y not? After all… the kids happiness should always come first. …no matter what!
Knowing your own limits is healthy. I agree with the people who said to get through this divorce first and give yourself time to heal.
I’m always happy when people are able to get past their pain and parent together with all the kids and step parents.
I still don’t want to hang out with my ex and his wife after 40 yrs. 
I don’t hold anything against our children if they choose to seek them out. Neither one seeks the other out (dead beat Dad showed my kids numerous times he’s not interested in a relationship, he has his new wife and one child with her and the grandkids(s) with that one child.
It’s his loss!!! My kids and grandkids are AMAZING!!!
Blended families can be difficult. They really don’t “blend,” especially at first. But they can be very rewarding. Don’t completely rule out the idea of remarriage. You could potentially miss out on a challenging but rewarding experience.
If you dont teach kids to except change and that sometimes life comes with difficult situations. And to learn to love each person and things like this happens and most times it can be a nlessing in disguise. I come from a blended family and i just ended having a bigger family and more people that loved me.
Not second best. Blended families can be the best! Your attitude has a lot to do with it. I think a blended family is not right for you right now. Time can change your heart. But please don’t remarry if that is what you believe because that alone is a recipe for disaster.
Things don’t always work out perfectly. A blended family is not a bad thing. More people to love but yes it’s work. I don’t think you should be so brittle. Life has its way.
Im 41. Im am from a blended family. My step dad has been my only dad since I was 5. I absolutely couldn’t have done life with out him. Also when I married my first husband at 21 he had an 8 yr old boy. That was a tough situation for many years. It got better though. I am now divorced from my first husband we have 3 boys. Honestly its awful. He plays sooo many mind games its sickening. My point is every situation is completely different. Try not to future trip. You never know. You could end up being a mommy to someone that really really needed that.