The best thing my mother did was to remarry. My stepfather was around since I was two and he taught me everything. My dad was living in another state. The only thing I didn’t like was having siblings in other states due to my father living in another state which caused a disconnect. My mother had another child who i love with all my heart. I think your thinking to negatively about moving on. Life happens.
I am the second here. And yes I have always been treated as the second, even tho I was no where around during the first. I tried to be the best Step mom, but the First mom and grandmother always belittle me every chance she has, not only to the child but to his child later. No matter what I do or how much I give , it is never good enough. I just decided I do me, like it or not.
My parents divorced when I was 15 and my sister was 3. Both remarried and we ended up with a step brother, who we considered our BROTHER, and another amazing sister, plus an amazing step mother who we refer to as our bonus mother. We also gained an extended family who loved and accepted us as their own. Your children will only be second best if that’s what you allow.
I had a step mom growing up and she couldn’t have kids of her own and treated us kids like her own and I got with my boyfriend when my son was a little over a year old and we have bean together for 24 years and he has raised him as his own.
Blended families are hard…it takes patience, understanding, and communication to make it work. I grew up in a blended family, and love my “steps” as they are my own blood, and my step-parents are amazing. I myself have a blended family as well, I love my daughter as if she came from my own body and would die/kill for her. Doesnt make you less of a person for admitting your doubts about forming new bonds, I too had my doubts, but I couldn’t ask someone for something I couldn’t return and if your with me your with me and my son. It was the first thing me and my man talked about, not the typical first date questions but “I have a kid, if you see yourself with me then you need to be prepared for that”. Overall it is a rough start finding the middle ground, but it is so rewarding having a little person refer to you as their “bonus mom”
When my kids were 9 &13 I married a man who also had two kids. I would never do it again. His ex didn’t like the fact he got re-married (though she left him for someone else). She would tell her kids that we WERE NOT part of the family and her daughter grew up with her attitude and was horrible to my daughter. Plus everyone on his side of the family thought his kids could do no wrong, so after 7 years, I left and never looked back. Blended families do work, but it takes very special people to make it work.
Your blended family is what you make it to be. Good or bad. Lots of loving faithful blended families.
You may not understand the harshness of your wording, but it’s extremely judgmental. There are so many loving blended families in which another parent stepped up when the biological parent dropped the ball. I don’t think those kids see their life as one in which they are suffering. Staying single is your, but no need for a careless judgmental attitude of something that can be wonderful.
Family is what you make it. If you or your ex have more children, they will be your daughters sibling, not step. Blended families, just like all families are as good as you give. It sound like you’re not willing to give, so you probably should not put any other children in the position to feel unloved. I do however personally feel you could be cheating your daughter due to your own fears.
First of all all that is in the future so there’s no reason to even think of it right now. Get through whats going on now first. If you meet a great guy in the future then you meet a great guy, if not then live life as a single mom. Having a blended family isn’t a terrible thing, its more people to love your child. And siblings are siblings in my eyes, not half or step, they are just siblings.
It was very important to you to have the family as traditional. I understand that. That’s how you envisioned your life being. It’s like “It’s either this way or not at all” for you and there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. The dream was crushed and it’s hard to get over the life change for you and your child. Some people will not understand that and call you down for it but it’s not their life. Perhaps your child’s father will have other children and they can have siblings thru him, but maybe you will end up meeting someone who will change your mind, be more of what you want and be a better partner for you. You never know. Hope everything works out for you and your child.
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This world needs love more now than ever so think about all the happiness you can bring to your child with siblings who they could become best friends and have great childhood memories …you can find love again besides if you are happy then you can bring that to the table …life goes on …make it a good one
Blended families can be hard… But they can be worth it. Dont judge too quickly. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. Keep your options open.
I think it might change. I met my husband 13 years ago, we both had a child from a previous marriage. We did decide to have a child together and she is the best thing that has happened to us and has mad our family complete
I’m a middle child of 2 blended families. My mom had 2 girls before marrying my dad. Had me and got divorce. Then he married another woman with 3 kids and had my brother. Its what you make of it. My step brothers act just like annoying little brothers no difference than full. My older sisters act like mother hens no difference. The only thing I still missed out was having my younger brother as a kid so I could pester him…
Believe me don’t get into a blended family it is not worth it to much drama just take care of you and your child
My husband has raised my oldest daughter from the age of 3. He did eventually adopt her when he had the money to do it legally. We also have 3 children together. I would have never chosen to have a broken family and then remarry, but it happens. And it CAN be the best thing that happens to you and your child. Everybody’s situation is different. Blended families don’t have to be a bad thing.
I have 4 kids by 2 different men, 1st was my husband who I was with for 10 years we had 3 children together and he had one before before we got together. I then met someone else we have a baby together and as 3 other children aswell. I honestly don’t get This post u don’t know what the furture holds nothing wrong with a blended family at all
Also, I have 3 bonus kids and 2 bio kids…all of which are my husband’s. We have custody and the bonus kids are still MY kids…blended families can be a good thing
Oh my goodness. If you are just now getting divorced, take time to heal from THAT trauma before even considering jumping into another relationship. Take time to enjoy you and your kid being alone. It might be that you end up being HAPPY just the two of you. BUT if someone comes along and you do end up falling in love, you should not put the stipulation of them not having children already. Don’t rush things and you might be surprised to find that a blended family is NOT second best. You end up with bonus children to love.
So. Then. Don’t. Lol I’m not sure if this is a question or a statement 
I had two kids when I married my husband who had none and never intended on having more until I met him-we went on to have two more. There has been challenges but nothing worth not doing it for. My kids have zero recognition or acknowledgement of the fact that they are half siblings, that’s not even like a thing in our home lol and my husband treats them all the same…so I guess it just depends on if you if you fall in love with someone who wants children or not.
Well first off what you do with your life is your business. But to say the things you were saying makes you sound selfish and ignorant. I am guessing your husband wanted the divorce and not you. Blended families can be a blessing. I have a step daughter, yes it was hard at first but I love her as if she was my own. My husband and I have 2 children and she loves our kids like they were full blooded sisters. There is more love to give. Step outside of your own selfish ways and see there is beauty in every situation and if you dont want a blended family then dont have one, but dont be blasting things on social media about it.
How can you be so narrow minded and selfish. My kids have stepparents and daughter has 3 step siblings.
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I have a blended family… I have 2 boys and my husband has 2 boys so we are a bigger family. We also got married fast and that has caused some bumps in the road. It can be stressful if you do not have similar parenting styles and aays of looking at things but just like any relationship if you want to make it work you will. I had been a single mom for 12 years I think before we got together. It was hard for me and still is to not be set in my ways. I live my husband but real relationships take work. Do what’s best for you.
It depend on you and your mind frame and your significant other I think everyone has to be on board do blend in a positive way or it can be very difficult with division and drama. But with a healthy relationship between to loving functional people it can work. But if you find a narc or a controller dependent relationship with bad kids it can cause drama and pain and division. Or just one parent not putting there all into love and equality in the unit.
My kids bio dad walked out when our daughter was 4 weeks old, I dident date for 3 years, I met my now fiance he took my kids in right away and treated them like his since day one, my fiance has stepped up where my kids bio dad failed, my fiance and I have a baby on the way, I wouldn’t change my blended family for anything and neither would my kids they love there future step dad, more then there bio dad
I feel bad for you. Extremly bad. A blended family is a blessing! Any family is a blessing!
MY family is a blended family and I couldn’t be more proud!
I was born into a blended family, and I’m very grateful for my brothers. According to my brothers, my Mom was much more of a “real” Mom to them than their bio Mom. My brothers were 3 and 4 when my parents got married.
My husband has four of his own kids, I had three. We are now expecting our first together. I love all his kids, he loves mine. They treat each other as siblings. His oldest is 16 and loves my youngest so much. I have never once had any issues co parenting. If you open your heart and your mind you can do anything.
I have a blended family and it’s awesome, I married a man with 2 boys, and I had a boy and a girl, no children of our own. I have a wonder relationship with his kids and my kids had a wonderful relationship with him, he passed away last August, my kids are still sad, he was a wonder father to all of our kids, his and mine.
I have not seen a step parent situation work out well. I don’t like the idea of moving different people in and out of children’s lives.
In my opinion I think it’s best to raise your children with no stepparent with children. You will have plenty of time to date or couple up after they are grown.
Dude… All I can say is I hope your heart softens and you open your eyes some day. Love is love.
I come from a blended family and it is true that I harbored a lot of anger at my mom for a while when she remarried a man with 3 sons. But let me tell you this…
That man stepped into my life and has loved me unconditionally since day 1. I have never had to question if he would be there, ever, and I can’t say that about my biological dad. And those 3 sons that I just knew I would always hate? My best friends in life now. My BROTHERS (not step brothers) would all drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for me any time and any day. We protect each other and love each other unconditionally.
Life will never be perfect but life does present you with opportunities to choose happiness and love 
blood doesn’t mean anything. Having people who choose to love you and be there even without blood is EVERYTHING.
Wow blended families are in no way second best it’s people like you that feel they are better then or “1st best” that are missing out. And you children will probably be much happier with their dad and stepmother who will most likely provide a healthier happier environment than your self pitying ,negative and miserable environment you create with your superior vision of yourself. Stop and think why you are so miserable and get over it before you second best other families. Look around and see who is happy and who is not and I can almost promise most blended families are living a way happier life then your judgement entail and miserable seld
You’re worrying about something that isn’t even in the horizon yet. You won’t know how you actually feel about it until you meet someone.
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Love is love …and sometimes that’s not always family, but they become family. Sometimes ppl become pregnant and wernt trying and and up haveing a family and at first was scary and unsure and then a couple years down the road realize the best thing that could ever happen and are happy and lost of love!! ,like I said love is love no mater where or who it comes from. AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT REAL LOVE IS!! Sometimes ppl think they know what love is and have no clue tell real love show up!! Try not to worry so much. Be in the now. Everybody has good and bad times, but if it wernt for the bad you couldn’t realy appreciate the good!!
It’s because you’re going thru a divorce that you’re having negative feelings and thoughts. As time goes on your life will change and wi will your feelings and thoughts. Having a blended family is good. Especially for kids. They get more people in their life to love them. And more birthday gifts! Lol.
Having siblings is a beautiful thing especially when they are older. There is no proper way just love and respect.
Sounds like this is not a decision, you need to be making now. If that chance comes up in the future, you may have a different opinion. Just take one day at a time right now. And do what’s best for your daughter and you. Prayers.
I started with a blended family my husband had two children before we married and had our two children I knew when we divorced I didn’t wanna have kids by someone else because I saw what it did to my stepchildren so I didn’t!! Your feelings are yours and that’s ok just live one day at a time and don’t worry bout nothing else!! If you change your mind ok if you don’t it’s ok too!!
Blended family is still family. As a parent, your job is to increase the amount of love that your child gets. And never to subtract it. I have 1 daughter like you. We have a “blended family” of sorts. I had no more children because I physically was not able to. But he father had 1 daughter previously. And had 1 son after. And there were some step sisters and bother in there too. (Their mother passed away.) At the end of the day, my daughter has 3 moms (1 deceased), 2 dads, 3 sisters and 2 brothers. Now add in 3 grandfathers, 3 grandmothers, and a multitude of aunts, uncles and cousins. All having something to offer her in lessons. Don’t get me wrong, we had to make a real effort to raise all of our kids together. At 1 point I even had her step sisters living with me!!! But we did it all together. And now my granddaughter gets to have a huge family as well!! No courts. Some arguing. Shared responsibility. Loads of compromise. Empathy. Those where the cost. But the gains where communication, love, security, laughter, sharing, family and a million shoulders to cry on for all of us. I know it’s not for everyone. And you must live your life as you see fit for you. But there are so many positive ways to “blend” families. I wish you and yours, love.
I was part of a blended family and there was a small handful of my stepdad’s family that would have anything to do with me. Those are gone. Even younger half siblings don’t have anything to do with me, so I don’t even bother with them social media or anything, I tried and it wasn’t worth it. My Son and his and his wife’s family and my colleagues at work are my family. Don’t marry someone who has kids or if you already have some unless everyone’s onboard with equal treatment of all of them.
One day a loving kind man will come on your path and you will swallow your words. A man who will love your child as his own. And treat you like the queen you are
A blended family can work. I think before marriage there needs to be some counseling and disussion.
Not really sure what feels improper about having a blended family for you
My children are now in their 30-40s
I was divorced when my daughter was 2 and my current husband of 37 years was divorced when his son was 3.
We formed our relationship when our children were 3 and 7. Our daughter was born when the older two were 8 and 12. Their other parents both remarried and created blended families. There were certainly struggles and work to be done to have success in our blended families. I am happy to say that all the parents and step parents have also continues to have respectful friendly interaction throughout the years. We have attended our son’s half sisters wedding and invited all the parents to our daughters wedding, and other significant events over the years. Blended families can add lots of positives to your life and that of your child.
A family that cares for one another is never second best. Blended is just more love for everyone
I think you are worrying about this without reason. If you meet someone and fall in love, then you are ready to consider these feelings.
Second best? Thats harsh i have a blended family and my kids love eachother my ex was abusive to me and the man I am with now is amazing and I wouldnt mind nothing is easy but dont think a blended family is bad
Your feelings may change once you have healed from the divorce and/or meet the right person. Its not life or death. If it happens it happens, if it doesnt then it doesnt. Nothing to stress about. There are going to be pros and cons in each situation.
It will
Change as you get older and move along with life. You can’t predict it. Some man my walk in your life and sweep you off your feet and change your thinkikg immediately. Or you will stay were your at. Its a feeling you have right now. So can very well change. Good luck
You are going through a loss right now. You can’t put out a fire and prevent future ones at the same time. Get through this process, then give yourself a time frame, say, a year after your divorce to look at dating and marriage with a child. Yes, you could meet someone and want to blend their family with yours, but you also might decide to stay single until your daughter is an adult. It’s best not to make decisions about future relationships while in the midst of the current relationship ending. Perhaps counseling can help both you and your daughter to process this loss and move on. Many people come from blended families and as long as all the adults act like grown ass people, most of those families are happy. Your child could get more adults to love them, more siblings to care and play with, more of everything. Give yourself time to process this and heal, then see where the future takes you.
To each their own. Do what works for you.
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A blended family definitely takes a lot of work and understanding. If in doubt don’t.
Your feelings may change but only if your perceptions do. Why is a blened family second best? You and your daughter having more people to love and love you, how can that be a bad thing? It takes a village to raise a child after all. As you are going through a nasty divorce, of course now is not the time to start a new relationship. To Heal, recover and grow is all you need to concentrate on now.
Love comes from YOUR heart. What if your daughter has a step mom that thinks like you do !
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I agree with you! I’ve been with my guy for 8 years now and our children have never met and we have never hung out with each other’s kids… We enjoy our quality time together alone 
no complications, no worrying about if the kids will get along or not… They will all be out of high school and out of the house soon and then we can get married without worrying about what the kids think
I am in a unique blended family and for us it works. Agree with Linda, if you meet the right person it won’t matter.
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You can date without involving your kids. I don’t feel like my kids belong in my dating life so I don’t introduce them to the guys I date. If I’m with someone long-term that may change
Your quite entitled to your feelings but in this i hope you never become a stepparent. Its obvious you would treat the stepchild different then your own. I have a stepmom and a stepkids and stepgrandkids. Guess what? They are my family regardless
Even though my mom got remarried she didn’t have other kids it sux being an only child. I always wanted sibling it’s very lonely.
Wow! Maybe look at it as having another mother and father! More people to love her. You sound really selfish.
you are still hurting. take time to heal, time to be away from the situation and time to learn to coparent after a divorce. the rest will come in it’s own time.
Give it time to settle and see how you feel later. Don’t rush any decisions on your feelings at this time. One step at a time. Best wishes.
Your feelings will change. Nothing in life is perfect! Make the most of every moment, keep your heart open and love open heatedly. Blended family here and loving his mine and ours.
Your fears and feelings are valid. Maybe your feelings will change…maybe it won’t. Do what works for you. Blended families are often complicated and there are often alot of conflict, resentment and underlying frustrations.
I have 2 children and my husband has 2. We have been married for 34 years. And when people ask how many children I have I say 4.
if i felt this way, then my children and grandchildren would miss out on an everlasting love and extended family
You are hurting for now thats why you have this feeling, give yourself sometime you will fall inlove and realise that was the pain talking
Suffer from a blended family? Sounds like you should just live alone. Then you won’t suffer
I think your feelings are coming from a place of hurt and disillusion. A blended family can be hard but it could also be rewarding depending on how you and your ex handle it. Dont decide right now, keep an open mind til things calm down and play it by ear.
My step father has been more of a father to me and my 2 siblings then our real one has ever been.
How can any child born from you be second best? That’s horrifying. Please don’t have any more children.
Do what you feel is best but remember bitterness and resentment could do more harm
Your feelings may change mine did not best of luck you are not alone by any means
I didn’t want to have children by multiple fathers either and didn’t.
I grew up in a yours,mine, and ours family …I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them
If you feel that way there’s no pressure on you, but I think if it’s the the right person it could be a blessing
Had blended 44 years. Lots of of work but well worth it.
I can tell you as fact. Especially if both people don’t work to make it work.
It really just depends on the circumstances. I had 2 children from a previous marriage and got married to someone who also had 2 children from a previous marriage. I had girls he had boys. Our biggest problem was his ex wife. She decided after 5 years of being divorced from my husband that she suddenly wanted him back. Long story short, she continually tried turning her boys against me which made our blended family a awful experience. There were other problems as well but that took a big toll on our marriage from the start. Needless to say we divorced. And, I stayed single for 7 years. I now am with a man whose children are grown so there aren’t any issues. Best wishes.
Your in the middle of a divorce.
Give it time.
You may meet someone in the future that will change your mind.
One day at a time.
You can not have step in your vocabulary, no his and mine, either ours or not at all
Your feelings will change once everything settles down. Once you find somebody you really like you’ll realize that a blended family is not so bad.
I think a lot of people just don’t even think about this…they just want to be happy and their child to be happy. Your daughter will always be your daughter no matter what you decide to do. She may appreciate having a male figure to ‘round her out’ instead of just having a mother. She may even appreciate siblings…brothers/sisters to share memories and life with. I have a daughter and son-in-law who only has one daughter and that girl NEVER had a sibling - so she grew up demanding everything and got away with everything. My grand daughter has NO idea how to share with others…she’s an adult now and in the Navy…she finally has the discipline her parents never taught her and she stays away, from her parents, because they never had another child for her to share anything with.
If it’s not for you it’s not for you, don’t try to force a shoe that doesn’t fit…
Wow, you sound like you would be the wicked step-mother from hell.
Please do not remarry anyone with children.
You will change your mind when you find the right person. I have five children with my ex husband and thought someone would have to be crazy to want a mom with five children. But, here I am remarried to a wonderful man that has two children of his own. Family is family. It doesn’t matter how they are family, it matter of who is there. Your daughter will just have more people to protect and love her.
I agree with you. Don’t think it’s fair to the kids.
Blended. When your married you all blend together. What’s wrong with you?
IMO you’re still hurting from a nasty divorce. Give yourself & your daughter time. In a few years you may feel differently.
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I have 2 children from my now ex husband and one child from my partner in crime. I will say that I got lucky in finding him. He loves my older 2 like his own and even calls them his kids. Our kids adore him!! They tell me all the time how happy they are that we found each other. Believe me I was nervous about moving on and finding another man to love me and my kids, but without him we are miserable. It can be rough at first with the ex husband and their new step dad, but it has all worked out. Having a blended family isn’t bad. My older kids dont think of their sister as their half sister…that is their sister no matter the different biological dad. We don’t use the word step in our house. That is their dad and sister just like their bio dad is their dad and his fiance is going to be their mom.no one is taking anyone’s place, they just get bonus parents
You’re the only one who feels that way right now. Talk to your daughter about it. It’s the norm now.
It was not the Bradey Bunch when i did it. Takes work to make a blended family work.
My daughter was three when her father and I divorced. I waited some time before I felt comfortable to start dating. I met a guy that I thought could be the “one” until he told me he had no intention of raising someone else’s kid. Talk about a slap in the face. I ultimately ended up never marrying again. Frankly, after 40 some years I’m much happier on my own.
I have blended family i already had kids when I found my now husband we had 3 kids he already had 2 kids n they dont call each other step siblings or half siblings they are sisters n brothers n if it wasn’t for my husband then my older kids wouldn’t have a dad at all bc their bio dad walked away n hasnt been back he thinks of my kids as his n his our mine they are not my step children they are my kids when my kids are old enough they want to sign the adoption papers so my husband can adopt them n have his last name
Look up the Blended 10 on Facebook or YouTube. It might help you some. They are some great friends of mine.
Your feelings may change But if they don’t then Don’t date
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I have a beautiful 9 yr old from a previous relationship. I just got married and have an infant I LOVE my family dynamic.
Time… Time to heal and time to pray for guidance
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You’re bitter right now. I’m betting time will change your perspective on a blended family. My kids have a great bonus Mom we’re blessed with an amazing bonus Dad.