You said other acts what does that mean exactly and you don’t want him cuddling the girls why and if you have a son are you not to cuddle with your son I’m confused because it’s either he is molesting the girls or he is displaying fatherly love protect your girls if there is a valid reason to do so otherwise let him be a dad
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My husband cuddles with my 4 year old granddaughter and so does my son (her uncle). I see nothing wrong with it!! I love seeing them bond together.
My dad and I used to cuddle all the time until I was about 10. Then I thought it was time to stop. Dad was upset, but he understood. I think you are over reacting. Until you have proof that there is more going on, let him be a daddy. Kids grow up too fast anyways.
My fiancé is a step father to my 9 year old son and my 5 year old daughter . We also have custody of his ( year old daughter and we are pregnant with an ours baby 7 months . There’s a difference between “cuddling , showing affection “ and touching inappropriate… he cuddles and shows love to all of
Our kids equally as a father should . I’m greatful that my children look to him as a father and he treats them as his own kids . I don’t see anything wrong with it that’s what family does . But if you’re thinking something is wrong than I feel like there’s more to this story here … I use to snuggle with my step father all the time as a kid and father because he was my only dad growing up .
You trusted him to share a life with, but not to cuddle with your daughter??? Hes going to be cuddling with your guy’s kids and then you’re gonna think he doesn’t love her! Then don’t complain about him paying more attention to his own kids.
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Not trying to start anything but if you are that not ok with it why let him around your kid? I think it great he is embracing her even though biologicaly she isnt his. Yes it ok to be cautious. So im not trying to take that away.
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Why is it such an issue? 
The fact you think it’s weird is weird to me. If you think your husband is a sexual predator why are you with him in the first place. What is actually wrong with people smh 
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Go with gut instinct.
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If you can’t trust him and think he’s doing things in an inappropriate manner then why the fuck do you continue to have him around? And have another baby with him? That’s a direct reflection of YOU.
Why would u be with a guy whom gives you ANY feelings like that PERIoD? To me, if that were ever my gut feeling, then why would it be appropriate to leave them alone in the first place much less be with someone that makes you feel that way? 
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If you don’t trust your fiance, save you both the time and split. There is a difference between showing affection the right way and not.
I was molested by my step-dad at 9, nothing angers me more than someone sexualizing innocent behavior.
Remember, it goes back to sex 101, there are good and bad touches, don’t confuse the 2.
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If you are happy to marry this man and make him their step father then you should allow him to be their step father. Dads cuddle their kids so let him cuddle her it’s an innocent loving thing
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Make sure all your children know about good and bad touches. There are many books for every age.
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If you don’t trust that it’s coming from a place of love for a daughter but an inappropriate place, then you need to not be with him anyways. If you can’t trust him as a step father then why are you with him?
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Should your daughter be treated any different than his bio kid?? How is she going to feel growing up thinking her step dad doesn’t love her the way he loves his other ? If you don’t trust him with your daughter … leave ? I think it’s inappropriate that you’re trying to belittle him and not let him love your daughter. There’s a difference between appropriate touching and sexual. If you don’t trust him not to touch her … why would you leave her with him ?
Go with your gut instinct
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Yeah your kinda just being controlling. I understand the consern, but if there’s actually a legitimate reasons for that concern them there’s a greater issue going on but I’m sorry not all guys are bad and not all guys are out to get your daughter. 🤦🤦
Kick him to the curb
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To go with it if you are uncomfortable now could you imagine when she is a pre teen/ teenager?
I’d be pissed if I was your husband. He takes care of them kids. Do you snuggle them? He should be able to if he loves them & it’s not weird. & if you think it’s weird you shouldn’t be with him or have him around your children.
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It is not ok. take care of your daughter. Please educate her and do something before its too late
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I would go with my gut on this one. I was sexually abused as a child by my step father and if I saw that it would give me the heebie jeebies. You can’t ever be too careful when it comes to your kids.
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Oh my lanter… 
if this is unwarranted, no weird behavior on his part, then this is just silly… that’s her father figure as well to view it any other way is disgusting on your part. Teach your children the no no touching but don’t ruin their innocence by your own issues. If he does show weird behavior that makes you uncomfortable then why are you with him? Much less having more children with him?
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Only you know him. However, if I couldn’t trust him I wouldn’t be married to him or having his children.
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If it’s just cuddling, that’s what parents do. Let him be a parent to her. If you have any reason for actually being concerned then why would you be with him or be leaving your children alone with him? Either the whole story isn’t here and you shouldn’t be letting him around your kids at all or you are overreacting to a perfectly normal part of parenting. Kids love cuddles from thier parents. If there is nothing else going on, then let it go and let him be a parent. If there is, then leave and keep the kids away from him. Simple solutions.
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You obviously don’t trust him. Best to break it off now before marriage. Me and hubby both do this with the girls. It isn’t sexual. Kids love cuddling.
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red flags mean trust your gut, be open how you feel, keep watch over your babies,
Stop being rediculous honestly, your overreacting to something all parents do : cuddle with their kids, all of you automatically assuming it could be sexual in nature are being stupid. I’m a survivor of sexual assault and that’s not what automatically comes to my mind, if she automatically thinks that’s what’s going on then she has no business living with him in the first place with little girls but if it’s never been an issue then there really isn’t a problem.
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You’re dead wrong. My 4 year old cuddles with all family members. It’s her father figure. If you have issues that are that bad you shouldn’t be married to him.
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Would it bother you to see her biological father cuddling her while watching tv? If the answer is no and the soon-to-be-step-father has given no reason for you to even suspect that he isn’t trust worthy, it shouldn’t bother you. If he has given you even the slightest hint of not being trust worthy around your child then you shouldn’t be with him at all…
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It sounds like if you can’t trust him to be cuddling with your daughter you shouldn’t even have him in your life. I’m sure he only thinks of her as his own since he’s been around for a big chunk of her life already… I’d feel bad for your daughter that she won’t receive the same kind of love and affection as your other two kids.
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If you have a gut feeling as to why you don’t want him cuddling with your children then you’re probably right. So if you dont trust him get rid of him.
If you can’t trust him why is he around your children? Only you see it as inappropriate so if that’s your first thought, what does that say about you?
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Would it then be considered weird for you to do so as well?? Or is it because he’s male? This screams insecurities on your part. Maybe look into why you’re sexualizing the relationship your daughter and SO have.
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Sounds like you were inappropriately touched by a adult and are transferring your I securities onto him. Your daughter needs to feel like she is part of your family too. Unless you believe that he is a child molester. I. Which case you need to move him out of your life and into acage.
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Why do you feel like cuddling is wrong? What if she’s instigating it and wanting to cuddle with him? I would be upset with you also because you may not be accusing him of anything but you are definitely insinuating he would do something. Is she allowed to cuddle other family members or is it just him you have a problem with? Why do you have a problem with him? Do you really trust him? If you cannot trust him then I think you should take a step back and look at your relationship. After all you are planning to marry this man.
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Your feelings are your feelings and he should respect that. Also, you as a woman want your daughters to know and understand boundaries… What should never happen even though it may be “innocent”
For example…NO daughter of mine is sitting on ANY man’s lap…biological, father, uncle, brother…doesn’t matter
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Sounds like your issues #parenting #question. Why are you making something sweet, ugly? Are you going to be this way with his own child? Don’t be surprised if he starts asking for advice.
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Honestly, it sounds like you may have gone through something that left you with a distrust for men. If you can’t trust him with your daughter that is about to be his stepdaughter, then maybe you need to rethink marrying him… 🤷
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Am I missing something? Would you be ok with him cuddling his children, but not his stepchild? My husband treated our kids no different loved them all the same. He was more if a father to his stepchild then a stepfather though. If it feels weird I would say that’s a red flag that something else is wrong.
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I would say even coming from a background where my mothers husband molested me all my life. You are maybe portraying that due to issues of your own. If you feel like he is crossing boundaries by showing affection and acceptance to her. Do you allow him to cuddle your other children? You should be open with your children and teach them proper touching and bad touching to be kept aware. But not allowing your child to bond with the man you plan on having a life with is wrong. She should not be treated differently cause she is not his.
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I’m both in the trust your gut mindset and what’s wrong with him cuddling his kid and basically adopted kids? Have they said anything or shown anything that makes it seem wrong? Parents snuggle their kids all the time…
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Or female I cuddled with my grandfather all the time when I was younger he never ever crossed that line. Your children deserve to have healthy relationships teaching your girls cuddling and affection is wrong is not the way to go about it either
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She is 4. Be careful how you say things in front of her or she’s going to think they are doing something wrong. My daugter is 6 and she plays with my partner who i have a 4 year old with and he loves my daughter like his own. She loves to jump on him and play rough. They cuddle and she sleeps in between us. I trust him with her. Maybe you are just over reacting. I understand you but try not to make him show her less affection than with the other kids.
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If you can’t trust him you shouldn’t be with him 
little kids like to cuddle it won’t be that way forever. If he is there for you kids let him be there. It’s not wrong unless something is truly going on then you need to be gone and put him in prison.
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It’s really weird to me that you want him to alienate her. Why do you want her to grow up thinking even the man that YOU invited into her life is not to be trusted?
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Um there’s nothing wrong with snuggles… unless you think he’s doing something more? Cuddling and showing affection to your children helps them grow into loving adults
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Why are you having babies with him and engaged to him if you don’t trust him:thinking:
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I think if she were older, then yes, weird but she’s 4. The other 2 kids are to him, maybe he doesn’t want her feeling left out? Not trying to be mean but maybe things happened to you as a child and you’re over protective? Unless the man has shown a real reason for you not to trust him, i don’t think its weird
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I mean why is it wrong? At least he is showing her affection like a father would. I think youre being stuck up. She 4 for gods sake she probably WANTS to cuddle with her daddy.
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There’s a limit to everything and from what you’ve told me he’s reached that limit he needs to back off he’s going to find himself in a lot of trouble and I don’t blame you to be worried and concerned may God be with you
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And how old is the oldest
I am with you! Look my sons step mom watched him grow up then brain washed him into having sex with her OBESE disgusting look self.trust your gut.
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What’s wrong with snuggles? Why are you even engaged to a man you clearly do not trust?
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Now this is weird:roll_eyes:
why u even with him if u don’t trust him with your kids?
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Honestly the fact that you are uncomfortable with him simply being an affectionate dad to your little girl is creepy. If you have seem him being inappropriate with her then you need to leave, but if it’s just daddy daughter cuddles you’re being ridiculous. Would you feel the same if it were his biological child? If not then let it go. You should be happy he’s treating her as his own.
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Post went wrong when you said you’re still have babies by him ! If you don’t trust him with one you can’t trust him with any !
TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER
And if things happened to you as a child tend to healing so you don’t damage your own children
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Being a child of abuse from a mothers boyfriend supposed to be future husband so wrong don’t let them do this please trust me
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If you aren’t comfortable with him snuggling your children then why are you with him. This may be the dumbest thing I have heard in a while.
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If you don’t trust him you shouldn’t be with him. My daughter is 6 and her step father cuddles with her, helps with baths, tucks her in, anything a dad would do because he cares for her as his own…
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I want to know what “certain acts that are not ok in my eyes” are
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First of all, she may have been molested at some point so it’s easier for her mind to go there. OR with all the craziness going around in the world she may not feel it’s appropriate. Whatever the issue is with it, don’t judge her for it. I was molested so I ALWAYS watch everyone with my kids and I would definitely have a problem with it and I do not think she’s wrong at all. Nobody is wrong for the way they feel. It’s her child.
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No it can be time to go to stronger measures
Why the hell did you have kids with and marry the dude if you are upset about him loving the kids? Unless you elaborate that he may be doing something he shouldn’t be than why get so upset about him snuggling his daughter and step daughter.
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Does he treat her like his daughter? Do you expect him to do things for her as if he was her dad? You cant pick and choose what circumstances he is allowed to be a father.
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I have so many questions…
Does he snuggle with the other children like this…
Does your daughter show signs of being uncomfortable when they are snuggling…
Is your mistrust legitimate or is it coming from something that has happened in the past…
Have you spoken to your daughter about this…
Could it be that he just loves her like his own & wants to be there for her…
He could be genuine in his motives…if he is not then I suggest you take your babies & leave 
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You are wrong. Having an affectionate dad is such a gift. Unless you have reason to believe he is inappropriate?
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No your not wrong please trust your motherly intuition, if your not comfortable it shouldn’t be done and he should respect that
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I think you need to take a look at why you feel so strongly about this and then go from there. If he’s given you a reason to be upset, then leave and don’t look back. If you know he hasn’t and won’t do anything but you have been in a situation where someone took advantage of you by first grooming you, then it’s you that needs the counseling.
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If you don’t trust him, then why are you with him? Y’all already have one biological kid together and one on the way. It doesn’t make any sense.
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I don’t find this inappropriate. If he is like a father to her, what’s the issue?
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Sounds like the only one with issues is you. Why marry and have children with this man if he can’t take on the dad role for all the kids he parents? Do you want him to treat her differently than his own? Those girls, and you are lucky to have a man so caring. My 6yo bonus son cuddles me and myself/his dad wouldn’t ever tell him he couldn’t while his siblings could.
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If you don’t trust him to cuddle with your daughter why are you with him and having babies with him?
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My husband sleeps on the sofa with our daughters. Some nights my 3 year old begs to sleep with him and i go sleep with our 2 year old. They hug, they cuddle, the even sleep in a ‘spooning’ position. Its fatherly love and the girls are CRAZY about him. I feel like something else must have happened for you to think that this is wrong?
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It’s not wrong. If you can’t trust your daughters recieving affection from your husband… why are you with him? Something is not right here.
You will be taking away something beautiful from your daughters. They will grow up not knowing what it feels like to have their father love them, show them affection, give them cuddles and sniffs.
I’m sure he feels weird now and it may have put a strain on your marriage without you realizing it.
He will distance himself and now you will start wondering why he’s seems to be in a different place in his mind or why he doesn’t love your children anymore… Well you kinda put him there.
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If u think it is wierd go with it
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nope you are 
percent right to feel that it’s wrong, trust your gut instinct, she is your daughter and as mothers we carry that protective sense when something is wrong
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The people saying trust your intuition are just assuming he is actually being inappropriate. My husband raised my oldest daughter(now 22) They had an extremely close bond and still do. I understand why he is upset with you. You are basically insinuating that by showing your daughter love he is going to sexually abuse her. That’s messed up and if you do worry about it then why are you with him.
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Let me start off by saying my father who raised me, isn’t my blood. But he damn sure is my father. I found out at 5, that I wasn’t his. But he never changed how much he loved me. We cuddled, I use to sleep in bed with him when my mom worked, we played together, had dates together, etc. That man showed me all the love and affection a real father should. Had my mother of done something to screw that up, by insinuating it was inappropriate, I would of felt left out. Because my sister (his daughter) and him were also close. So I’m grateful he showed me the same love he showed her. You should be grateful to have a man who loves your daughter like his own and would probably lay his life down for her before he would let anyone hurt her.
Please know there’s a huge difference in being inappropriate with a child and just being loving/affectionate towards them. Let him be a dad, if he’s not doing anything wrong. Which I’d hope you’d not being have more kids and marrying him IF you thought he was.
I also just realized you said he can’t cuddle with the “girls” meaning his own blood 16-month old little girl, you wont let him lay with her? Seriously? It’s their daddy, they want snuggles too.
If you talked to him about it and he didn’t respect you then yeah, that’s a real issue.
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Heres my take: Would you feel fine with him cuddling the other children? If so then are you worried about him molesting the one that isn’t biologicaly his? If so, why are you with him? Yes he fucked up by ignoring your request, but there isn’t automatically something wrong with the cuddling. I’m saying that as someone who was assaulted by a family member while cuddling in my sleep. If you are worried about something bad you shouldn’t be with him. If you are just weirded out by it because he isn’t the bio dad then you need to look at it with a level head and decide if you trust him with any of your kids. Because kids love being loved and if he is a good guy who would never hurt a kid he should be able to cuddle her. I cuddled with my husbands little cousin all the time. Sometimes in a similar position but it was because he was a cuddle bug and I was as he put it: His Angie. The context is what matters so evaluate why you’re uncomfortable with it.
you sound crazy, unless he is touching her in inappropriate places how is cuddling a child he loves like his own wrong? I cuddle my boys all the time and my oldest is 7,he will come up and cuddle on the couch
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I swear to god, over 850 comments. Surely admin can turn off comments, I think OP gets the idea…
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If ur gut says no,then listen to it,I would have never thought the father of my only son,his first child, and his son would molest our baby, but he did,along with other disgusting things, also maybe between u n ur children, talk about the good touch, bad touch, and remind them daily only mommy can if she needs to check private parts,also honestly u don’t need him & if there is any worries about him & the pervert issue,get rid of him, before it’s to late,or take him on Steve ,for a lyers test
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Why would you marry then have not one but two more children with someone you don’t trust completely. If he’s a loving affectionate man who loves his children then you are lucky to have him and probably really hurting him by insinuating he shouldn’t be snuggling his girls.
If you don’t trust him for additional reasons then you shouldn’t have him in your home or around your children alone ever.
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If you think he could possibly abuse your daughter why are you with him?
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Motherrrrrr knows best
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You are not wrong. I am sure we ALL have heard or know someone who had a child molested by a stepfather. Unfortunately it happens. It has nothing to do with being affectionate. The reality is this is not his biological daughter. Limit his 1 on 1 access with her until she is older and can communicate more with you.
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There has to be more to the story here. This is just a quick paragraph obviously there is something going on that is making her uncomfortable with the situation. One of my exes made me extremely uncomfortable when he cuddled with his young niece. It was different than the interaction with his own daughter and that’s what I’m getting from what she said.
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What do you do or feel when he cuddles with his biological daughter? I think you need a counselor, you are putting a line of division between a man you trust enough to have children with, bit not enough to let him be a daddy to your oldest? I think you are the one with the problem, plus you are dividing your girls, your family. Shame on you. If you don’t trust him what are you having more kids with him? You need help, get it before you ruin your entire family, and lose a father for all your girls.
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Did you ever think that tjeu were just watching tv and they fell asleep. I know my husband has done that with my son who isn’t his. My husband and son cuddled and slept together and I thought it was great that they had a bond like that and they both loved each other. People have to stop looking too much into things. I use to cuddle with my dad and grandpa. And nothing happened to me.
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I’m 20 and will still go and cuddle my adopted dad a little 
no it’s not anything weird. He’s just helped me through so much and is one of my closest friends. I don’t cuddle him the way I do my husband, but he’s my dad… he did my hair in the morning getting ready for preschool, he went to every recital, listened to all my problems in high school, helped me through my darkest times, gave me away at my wedding, and is now grandpaw to an amazing little boy… cuddling is not bad as long as there is no inappropriate touching and both parties are comfortable with it.
I can only give advice on what I read, and from the sounds of it he just loves his stepdaughter. If there’s more to this story that makes you uncomfortable, then I understand, but from what I can tell it’s innocent and precious.
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You obviously don’t trust him but you choose to have children with him I think it’s you that needs help
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I have a question for her. Was she herself ever abused as a child? It can make it where you hardly trust anyone. Her feelings may not be her fault.
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Would you have the same rules for yourself if you had a son? Or is it because you don’t trust your fiancé?
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He’s not aloud to cuddle with his biological daughter either?! So I guess I shouldn’t let my husband cuddle with my daughters (one who isn’t his and one who is). Hmmm, there’s either way more to this situation then what’s being said in the tiny paragraph that was given, or you have trust issues and/or a past your not letting go or getting help for. Please, for the sake of your children, think about how he must feel having you tell him he can’t cuddle with the children let alone his own biological child. I understand 100% why he’s mad I would be too!
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Sounds like you’ve been a victim of sexual abuse in your home as a child. I can understand your fears. However you cannot project your feeling of mistrust onto the father of your kids. Daddies are supposed to show their daughters affection so they grow up having a man’s love and aren’t searching for it in all the wrong places. However, if it’s him you don’t trust for good cause- leave now before damage is done that can’t be undone.
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There has to be more to this… my kid is 6 and I’ll let people cuddle her. That’s how they cuddle is laying next to someone they just like to be close to people when they r young. but if there are other reasons and your getting red flags I would maybe talk to a counselor or leave.
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