She said spooning and sorry but that is weird .
2 Likes
If your spidey senses are going off, trust them. There is a reason we have them. I was abused when I was a child. My own father never āspoonedā with me or any of my kids. Itās inappropriate and I find it odd as well. I donāt spoon with my step kids. He may have never been taught what is appropriate for certain situations. I donāt think OP is sexualizing the child or their relationship. If sheās asking for him to stop, then he should respect her wishes.
3 Likes
I understand being hesitant, but I had an abusive stepfather and I have absolutely zero hesitation of my husband cuddling our daughter
1 Like
Sad world. #1 - Why are you with someone you donāt trust ? #2 - Why the hell shouldnāt little girls get cuddled by their dad? Good lord. š¤¦
16 Likes
Why are you with him if you donāt trust him?
6 Likes
Iām sorry but he is allowed to be affectionate to his children. Cuddling is not abuse. If you think that heās capable of that then leave him??!
8 Likes
Wrong. You want him to love her as his own. He is. Youāre paranoid
3 Likes
I disagree. Coming from someone who kinda comes from this situation (slightly different). Having a step dad that mise well of been my biological father and 6 sibilants that weāre his. It was so important for me to feel like one of them and accepted by him . And I did still to this day most donāt even know Iām not his. Your daughters need to know affection from a father figure itās good heathy relationship between a father and daughter step or not is so ,so important. Iām not sure if you feel something is off with him all around with all the girls or maybe your projecting something from your past on this situation? But this if within a heathy relationship between him and the girl is completely normal and heathy for them. How else do you suggest he bond with his girls? I hope not by material things ? If heās not allowed to show affection then Iām just at a loss of how heās to create a bond. I love that my girls have a feeling of love and safety cuddled up in their daddys arms.
1 Like
I dont see an issue, sounds like theres a personal issue involvedā¦
5 Likes
If you donāt trust him to cuddle with his kids, there has to be a reason. My girls snuggle with my husband all the time. Heās their dad. Itās a non-issue. If you feel some way about it, thereās something else going on.
7 Likes
If you feel something inside you is wrong,you should not leave any of ur kidās with anyone cuz you doānt know what will happen we Live in un safe world were no one is safe Listen to your gut feeling keep your babies safe, from any one buy keeping them with you,and never trust any oneqet
1 Like
100% not ok in my opinion, from someone who has dealt with it ending badly first hand
2 Likes
Soooooā¦you donāt want him cuddling with the kids, but you leave them alone with him? If you donāt trust him, why are you having more children with him and staying?
18 Likes
A certain amount of cuddles from a father figure is normal and can truly help a little girl mentally. However, there is a line that shouldnāt be crossed. If ur not comfortable with it than make it stop
2 Likes
Why are you even with him if you canāt even trust himā¦ Likeā¦ Wow.
3 Likes
Baby, they say youāre wrong but a MOTHERS INTUITION NEVER LIES!!! Run
5 Likes
Beware thes cuddling affectionate & ? Your the only one who can read the situation have some friends round see if he behaves differently
1 Like
I get your hesitation as a mother but you really cant get upset with him for being affectionate with your child. If you want him to love her the same as the others you cant stand in the way. If hes given you a reason to worry then address it. Otherwise stop overthinking things or your gonna cause more problems where there arent any.
4 Likes
Spooning that is not right. Listen to your instinct. Watch out.
2 Likes
Your going to get a lot of advice. But what you need to follow is your gut feeling. I have three pretty red headed girls and I would protect them to the end.
2 Likes
Cuddling how? I lay on my couch and my son 3 lays by me sideways and i hold him and watch tv with him. My daughter also lays with me and i hold her and watch tv and she is 8. Now my 12 year old son i let lay by me but i dont hold him the same way bc it makes me uncomfortable so we just lay and watch movies. But if your children are young and hes not being weird i dont see anything wrong with it.
2 Likes
Why are you married to a man you donāt trust around your daughter?
22 Likes
My fiance has been the only dad my daughter has had since she was 2 months old. Before then it was just me n her. He has 2 daughters, 4 n 3, and mine is 2 yrs, and we all snuggle up on the couch or he will with the girls and Iām alright with it.
4 Likes
No no no you are not wrong at all.
It is perfectly normal for a parent to cuddle their child. I would say thereās a bigger issue at hand which would be whatever reason you have for not trusting him. if you feel like thereās something inappropriate going on why are you there and why are you having more kids with him
17 Likes
Hell, My mom felt the same way. He Never hugged us or even touch means A lot. I got none and hated that manā¦ The first love a little girl will have is her dad.
6 Likes
No way, spooning is wrong in so many ways, alarm bells.
Letās get completely honest. None of us live in your house nor know your fiancĆ©. So we donāt know if it in fact is innocent or inappropriate because we donāt see it or know him. So we can only answer by our own feelings. My husband was killed in a car wreck this year and what wouldnāt give for him to hug or cuddle his girls. A fathers touch (appropriate) is important. So up to a certain age, as long as itās not inappropriate, it shouldnāt be an issue. And if you are so uncomfortable with him being around your child, then why are you with him. No way would I be with someone who may harm my child.
4 Likes
You are completely in the wrong. He is being the father figure to your eldest and you dont want him to show affection?! Lady you need a reality check. Would you ask her BIOLOGICAL father to stop cuddling with his daughter 
if you dont trust him to be your 4yo daught then leave. Oh wait thatās right you have 2 other children by him. And spooning by whoās definition? She couldve been facing him and turned before you got home everyone moves in their sleep you never know unless you witnessed it from start to finish.
6 Likes
I had a rough upbringing and watched everyone like the CIA with my first. My SO bless his heart dealt with my paranoia and fears well. Every move he made or comment was under the microscope for a long time. Now? From our 11 yr old down to our 4 yr old twins pile up wherever whether on me or their dad. It takes trust. I think the bigger question isnt if youāre overreacting but why you dont trust him yet leave the kids with him ? Theres some story missing here I think.
2 Likes
I spoon my kids. They donāt really cuddle with their dad but I wish they would have more. Their connection isnāt all that strong.
If something he is doing is setting off alarms with you PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!
1 Like
Always trust ur gut.
1 Like
I think thatās ok all dads cuddle with their children and lay on the couch. I think the problem here is your instinct is telling you something there is obviously more you have seen you donāt like you obviously donāt trust the man for some reason and I think that alone tells you. I would never think something if my kids dad was cuddling on the couch, so maybe you need to think why you donāt like it ir is your instinct and gut telling you something I certainly would look into to it more before I move forward with this man even if I was wrong I would certainly rather be safe then sorry
1 Like
Trust your instincts. Petophiles are master manipulators.
1 Like
Why are you having another child with a man you can not trust ? We are raising two grandchildren. Ages 3 and 4 and if I didnt see them curled up on their grandfather or myself I would think something was wrong !
3 Likes
My heart breaks for you ladies who must have been abused by a trusted person. Its necessary to be aware of what its happening in your own home but at the same time donāt project your past on to your childās present and future.
3 Likes
No it is not. Pay close attention!
My boyfriend of 10 years has been a āstep dadā to my daughter for 10 years, sheās 11ā¦ he used to cuddle and hold her all the time as a baby, infant, young childā¦
If YOU think thereās a reason to not trust him, then donāt. But there is nothing wrong with the dadās cuddling and showing affection to their kids.
1 Like
4 years old?āredo your thinking lady unless you have reason to think otherwise, it is all good
I can understand having worries, especially if maybe you had a reason in your past perhaps that feeds those worries. But you should be able to trust the man you marry. If not Iād try to figure out if these worries are coming from a past trauma and perhaps irrational to this situation, or if you have a reason to be distrustful of the man youāre with. This is my husband cuddled with my daughter. First man Iāve ever trusted around my child 
6 Likes
If he is your fiancĆ©, you need to figure out why youāre uncomfortable with it BEFORE you marry him. Has he done something that makes you not trust him or is it an insecurity in you? A four year old wants to cuddle. If you want him to be a father figure to her, thatās part and parcel. Find out what your hang up is and address it immediately.
68 Likes
This is our snuggle bunny, If you feel something is wrong with it then go with your gut feeling and I wouldnāt be with someone who Iād have to worry about like that. Otherwise children, all children need to know their loved
11 Likes
ācertain acts that are not okay in my eyesā that right there is worrying!
And if the guy ia such a danger why on earth are you getting pregnant by him yet again? 
This is their father and unless theyāre in danger for whatever reason heās not in the wrong.
A father cuddling their children IS NATURAL AND SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED.
32 Likes
My daughter loves snuggles. I think it creates a healthy loving bond. They even have volunteers at hospitals come in to snuggle infants as without it they will fail to thrive. Is the concern due to your own past trauma or is there genuine concerns about your fiance? This is a text my daughter sent me this week as I am out of town for work. She is 8 years old and she is my best little buddy 
6 Likes
He loves this kid and is probably just trying to establish a bondā¦but you did say āother things you dont5agree withā but didnt elaborate on those. This sounds like you have some unresolved issues that have nothing to do with him or your daughter. You need to see a therapist.
4 Likes
Ok Iām going to ask this question . If you concerned with the cuddling why the heck are you leaving him home with them . And if you think it is wrong to cuddle then why have more kids with hi
Or marry him ? This is probably one of the top 10 dumbest question I have seen on Facebook thatās for sure
22 Likes
Youāre way off line. My husband raised my 2 daughters from 1 and 3 and snuggling on the couch is no different than our own Daughtersā¦ Do you have issues in your past
19 Likes
If you have a child with him and another on the way, then he is a father figure to your 4 year old as well and should be able to be treated as such. He shouldnt treat your daughter differently because she is not biologically his. Unless she is uncomfortable with it and there is some reason why you believe he should not be acting the same as he does with his child.
115 Likes
If you need to ask, perhaps youāve seen or felt red flags thatās not included in the story. Go with your gut and ask yourself WHY you are with him.
12 Likes
First of all, if you are getting strong vibes of uncomfortableness when he cuddles the girls, then you need to re-evaluate your feelings and decide if its him that makes you feel uncomfortable or if you are just uncomfortable with any male father figure cuddling children. If the person were female, would you be just as upset? If its the latter, I think you need to seek counselling because theres nothing sexual about men cuddling their children or being affectionate.
Hereās my husband and one of our daughters, I LOVE this picture. I think its healthy and normal for fathers to cuddle their babies! Just like its healthy and normal for moms to!
27 Likes
My husband and my daughters (their step dad). My ex husband left us when they were 2 and 5 (theyāre now teenagers). They loved snuggling with their step dad when they were little.
26 Likes
She said she has talked to him in the past about not cuddling with the girls, meaning all, not just the stepchild. There could be multiple reasons to feel uneasy about this from her own childhood trauma to red flags with the current situation. Either way, as a mother, if you feel something is inappropriate you should address it, but you also need to determine if this is something you need to face from your own past or if it is a cause for separation. Obviously, you should not continue allowing your children around someone who may be harming them, but you also donāt want to ruin your relationship over unhealed wounds of your own. Seek wise council, not Facebook.
7 Likes
You keep making kids with a man who you donāt feel comfortable cuddling with your kid? Either youāve been hurt as a child or you think heās truly inappropriate with his step child.
18 Likes
You are NOT wrong. Go with your motherly instinct and STAND YOUR GROUND. Why doesnāt he respect what you ask of him before? Trust and believe you wonāt have any regrets. He should not be mad, he should respect your request. I am trying figure out why is he mad???
7 Likes
I believe as a mother Godās going to give you a special gift to feel if something is wrongā¦ he may have good intentions or maybe not you have to follow your heart if you addressed it he need to respect you and understand your desires ā¦me personally I was very overprotected about my daughterās I would never let them be so close to them to give the enemy of an opportunity to even get to some type of abuse or molestationā¦ I think youāre being a good mother and being cautiousā¦
10 Likes
It sounds like she may have been in a bad situation at some point to feel that way towards men. Maybe itās her just being overprotective but still why continue to have children with him if your uncomfortable with him being around your daughter? And if you feel this way after 2 to 3 years of being with him maybe you should leave.
5 Likes
Unless he was aroused, or touching her inappropriately (as in her private areas or making her touch his private areas), then there is nothing wrong with him cuddling the girls. Do YOU cuddle with them? I certainly hope so! And their father should, too. Itās healthy and loving. And, even if he is a step dad to one of them, I would think you would want him to treat all of your daughters with the same love and affection. Children need to feel loved, and that includes healthy physical affection.
15 Likes
TRUST your instincts! He should be maintaining the boundaries that you set. Given the fact that he IS NOT when you have already discussed it, that is the red flag!
2 Likes
Uhā¦your gonna marry him? If itās ok for him to cuddle bio kids sheās gonna feel uncomfortable & unwanted. Do you have a problem cuddling. Just weird. I would want all the children treated equally. Maybe itās your issue. If you feel like that why would she ever be in the same room with him without you
38 Likes
If your instincts are telling you that what heās doing is wrong, I def wouldnāt marry him. My husband cuddles with our girls and itās totally harmless. They love their daddy and vice versa but if what heās doing seems wrong then donāt ignore your instincts but def figure it out before youād marry him (or have more children with him)
38 Likes
Well clearly you know something about the guy but you continue to have children with him. Is there a reason you donāt trust him with your child?
16 Likes
If you feel like that you shouldnāt be having children with him.
29 Likes
I think itās genuinely really cruel to not allow a father to cuddle with his child and act like itās āweird.ā What kind of sick thoughts are you having about your partner if you think cuddling with their child is inappropriate?? Even if this is his step child, if heās the main father figure in that childās life and the child loves the affection - there shouldnāt be any problem with it. Let all the children be treated equally.
8 Likes
Cuddles are completely fine with step dad, but if something is setting off a red flag with you then you need to follow your instincts and protect your children.
2 Likes
My fiance loves my daughter every bit as much as her bio dad does. They cuddle from time to time and Iām okay with it. She loves laying between us and snuggling at night. I treat his 2 kids like they are my own and his daughter even calls me mom. I do have a few limits when it comes to my daughter and this is because my daughter has spina bifida and he is also disabled (Essential Tremors) He isnāt allowed to pick her up or carry her. Because he shakes a lot, I worry he could drop her. Also Iām the only one who dresses or changes her. Heās wonderful with her though and treats her just like his own.
9 Likes
Would this even be a question with a step-mom and a step-son? Probably not which isnāt fair to men who just want to love your kids like their own.
9 Likes
If you have issues trusting this man then you need to walk away. Not belittle him, make him feel uncomfortable loving his children and try spying on it. Thatās just downright wrong.
Its NORMAL to cuddle with children. Its OKAY to have a stepfather who loves his stepdaughter as his own.
Unless theres more to the story to it you need to get your act together and appreciate the man you have before he becomes the man you HAD.
11 Likes
Would you have been OK if it was the biological father doing that?
11 Likes
I dont think you are wrong. But can I ask why you feel this way? Got to be a reason? I get the cuddle thing but if it was her biological father would you feel the same way? Iām just trying to remember how my husband cuddled our children . It was either laying on his chest or beside him. He shouldnāt get mad but respect whatever your feeling.
7 Likes
Is there something causing you to feel this way??? If there is then you shouldnāt be with this man. If there isnāt any reason to be concerned then let him be a loving father to those girls. How would you feel if the tables were turned and he told you not to snuggle with your own children.
3 Likes
Your major problem is that obviously you know little about birth control and the importance of creating a stable home for your children by being married to the father of your children.
3 Likes
Is it because he is not the biological father of the child?
7 Likes
My first instinct is to ask IF YOU THINK SOMETHING is up WHY are you LEAVING your daughter ALONE with him!?!?! That is your first problem!
Second if you think something is wrong WHY are you still with him & continuing to bring children into his life!?!
I honestly donāt think something is wrong with a step father snuggling his kiddos. A step dad is DAD because bio father STEPPED out. I love my Dad with all I have and I trust him more than my biological father. I will never not hug or be close to my dad because he is my only dad.
4 Likes
Cuddle at this age is important for her to feel loved and wanted when she gets a little older than this could be room for concern
2 Likes
Ok the cuddling thing sounds ok . kids need to know that they are cherished but , you have not been very forthcoming in your information you mention (certain acts)that throws up a red flag !what are they rhetorical ? Here . is he fondling forbidden areas . is there a case of roaming hands . it is never too early to have that talk about appropriate verses inappropriate . talk to her about a safe word to alert you to any thing out of the way . he may be purely innocent in his intent but a mothers gut is usually on point and for gods sake if your child tells you they were in any way touched inappropriatly believe then and take action .
3 Likes
She wonāt have a bond with him if not. She will rebel later in life thinking she isnāt loved if you donāt allow a father to show affection.
3 Likes
Do have a talk with your daughter I she is 4 but not to young to have some talks about no secrets wrong touches etc kids do want to cuddle but there are good ways and bad ways always be awhere of what going on if you think there us a problem you should not be with him children should always come first
5 Likes
If you donāt trust him or feel that he would do anything inappropriate to your daughter, then you donāt need to marry him. Kids need love. If she sees him cuddling his kids and not her, that may cause her to feel like something is wrong with her or that he doesnāt love her because sheās not his. What you are asking is not fair to either one of them. If you donāt trust him or feel like heād do something inappropriate, either let him go or let her go live with her dad. Your actions are going to divide the home anyway so might as well do it cleanly. Otherwise, stop.
4 Likes
As long as itās not uncomfortable for the child, itās probably ok. Is what he was doing in any way different than what you would do with your child? Iād be concerned if he didnāt show affection for the child. Kids need physical touch & sometimes they just need to be held/snuggled. Shouldnāt matter the gender of the child or the gender of the parent. Trust me: if she was having a hard day & needed a hug, sheās not going to care what genitals somebody has, sheās going to go to somebody who makes her feel comforted. Unless heās given you a reason not to trust him (in which case, why havenāt you left yet?), i donāt see the issue.
3 Likes
I think itās so sad that you have to be leery of this. Heās their stepfather. He loves them. Itās important for them to feel his love. Unless you have legitimate reason to make him stop, please donāt.
1 Like
Maybe you should reevaluate this marriageā¦ you have kids together but dont like that your four year old lays with him? Is there something else bothering you? If thatās the case why have more kids with him? Your child is four thatās her father figure. There must be more to it.
3 Likes
If he us just seating on a couch or chair,and cuddling her what us,wrong with that. He loves,her. My hudband,always cuddled with our girls. Hexeants her to feel loved. As long as he isnāt doing anything inappropriate.
I stand behind you.
I also have that same view BUT as your companion he should to. Youāve obviously had this discussion with him. Maybe try it again and be sure to lay it on thick?
3 Likes
Yes your wrong. Itās great that he loves and treats her as his own. I cuddle my son on the couch and watch tvā¦
If you have been messed with when young, you do have problems with this situation. I did also but all was ok. But as a young mom it really bothered me alot
2 Likes
Either heās a creep and shouldnāt be around at all, or should be able to be daddy to her.
2 Likes
I think you should ask yourself why this triggers you. And if there is something āoffā with the situation, why is he around your kids? Would you also be upset though, if he cuddled biological but not the one? Unless there is something that is wrong going on, you should be happy he loves her like his own
Depends on your intentionsā¦and his. If he is a good, honest, God-fearing man, then, no problem. If your child is seeking him out, then she may need those snuggles.
Iām a grandma to 14 and mom to 5 ( 4 biologics ) I met my husband when our older children were 8. Our family snuggles. My grandsons when they get to come down on holidays and summer breaks still sleep with me kicking grandpa out of bed. I adore these snuggle years.
If u are uncomfortable with him & any of your children then why are u with him? Beyond that, why would u want him to make a difference between the children? Seems like you are the one with the issues. That just an outside opinion strictly going off what u posted.
1 Like
Heās her dad and treats her like his own child. Why would you be mad about that? Youāre being completely unreasonable.
2 Likes
As someone who grew up with a stepfather and not my bio dad I could have only WISHED I got cuddles. I was treated like an outcasted step child. He is just showing your 4 year old the same love he will show your 16 month old and your new babe. If he hasnāt given you any reason not to trust him let him be a daddy and give her daddy daughter love!
2 Likes
Sheās 4 years old, I donāt see anything wrong with cuddling her. Thatās kinda saying you donāt trust him. Which why have a kid with him if thatās the case.
2 Likes
The fact that your kids feel comfortable with him is a great thing, little kids are a great judge of character. If anything wrong was going on they would not be so lovey with himā¦
Children crave cuddles and attention from fathers, whether biological or not. Whatās the harm in him giving them the love they deserve??
1 Like
There is nothing wrong with it. My daughter is from my 1st marriage. I have 2 boys together with my current husband. My now husband cuddles with her all the time when she was little 7yrs. She is 27yrs now. Successful, own her own business and travel the world for fun - Germany, Australia, Austria, South Africa, Thailand, Paris, UK and etc. The love and support he gave her made her who she is till this day. Follow your instincts. I never felt uncomfortable with the affection he gave her. Never question it once
1 Like
What the hell is wrong with a dad cuddling with his kids???
1 Like
From the way you worded this seems like youāre also uncomfortable with him doing it with his own daughter. Personally I donāt see what the issue is. Maybe you should question yourself as to why this triggers you so much. Is there a chance that youāre possibly being jealous? Just because heās cuddling with your daughters, whether itās his stepdaughter or his biological daughter doesnāt mean he has any hidden intentions. If you really feel heās doing something wrong then maybe you should figure out the situation and ask yourself if you really want to marry this man. I would be careful though because you may ruin a good relationship over a possible personal issue that you may have.
1 Like
At four, I would say it is fine. At fourteen, not so much.
That being said, trust your gut. If you feel your fiancĆ© is being inappropriate with your children then perhaps he shouldnāt be your fiancĆ© or be around your children.
I know, but āyou love himā. If there is no trust, it isnāt love, it is something else. Children first, before any man.
1 Like