I feel like if you didn’t trust him around your daughter you shouldn’t have brought him around her from the beginning or started a family with him. If I was in his position I would be very offended. If you have a doubt, maybe get a camera. Also where you abused as a child? That may cause those thoughts.
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I would say that if the issue lies in him being “stepdad” rather than “biodad” and you wouldn’t have a problem with him cuddling his bio daughter than you are wrong. But if you have a gut feeling that something is fishy follow your gut. You just need to figure out why it’s bothering you
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Listen lady single mom over here and I would LOVE for a step parent to come in and love my children the way parents are supposed to. I have a 4 year old too and she would be devastated if her father figure didn’t show her love.
Not to mention the psychological effect this will have on her. This will set her standard of what she will look for in a man for herself. If you have a son and you set that rule, he will always have to be a “man” and never show real emotion to anyone but himself.
But if this is a shady vibe then get out WTF?
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Go with your gut if you don’t want the dude cuddling with your daughter you have ever right to put your foot down! Your gut feeling is usually always right. Don’t feel bad for wanting to protect your child or being cautious of the if’s that could happen.
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Dads cuddle with their children. Even step children, it’s an important emotional bond that girls especially need. I think there is something wrong with you. Either you were abused maybe, you know something that is going on, or your jealous.
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Is there something else that he’s doing that’s off putting? If you don’t trust him with your oldest child, why are you still with him? I’m not sure what the no cuddling rule is all about. She’s only 4, they still want to cuddle at that age. It sounds like he’s trying to bond with her as her stepfather and father figure in the house. Unless he’s a creeper, I don’t see the harm in that. If he is a creeper, than what are you doing marrying him and having kids with him? Protect your children first.
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If he’s a good man and you chose him why is it wrong for him to bond and be a dad to your child. Do she feel uncomfortable around him? Have you seen inappropriate behavior? Why be with someone you have no trust in around your child.? I don’t blame him I would be mad too especially if I’m innocent.
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You are so wrong. If you have these thoughts about the man you have/will have two children with then you have more problems then him just snuggling with his step daughter.
Poor man.
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You are wrong. I cuddle with my daughter, just laying on the couch. Obviously you must not trust him if you’re having issues like that.
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Don’t let him do it it’s not right please
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You are not tripping. You have every right to be protective of your girl. I never let any man in my life be alone with my child and I would have flipped the f*** out if I saw any man spooning her. Now having said that… if your kiddo came to him and wanted to cuddle… what was he supposed to do? Turn her down and say “no, your mom told me I can’t do that”? He can’t. That will drive a distance between them. You are in a tough spot, because you are engaged to be married and have more children. Talk to your daughter. Teach her about inappropriate touching from ANYBODY, even from you, your fiance, your brother, your uncle, your aunt, whoever… ANYBODY. And teach her to say something if something is bothering her. If I were you I would reiterate one more time to him that you are not OK with that. If he loves you, he’ll understand and back off. If he doesn’t, don’t leave her with him unattended. the 16-month old can’t tell you if they saw anything wrong! Too many babies are being hurt by their step dad or mom’s boyfriend. You can never be sure. Better safe than sorry and paying for life time of therapy. If something doesn’t sit well with you, DON’T allow it.
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You’re wrong. My daughter is 3 and I cuddle her. Her father is her stepfather and he cuddles her as well. I have full trust in him maybe that’s the issue in your situation.
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I want to know what th “certain other acts” are. I don’t know if you should follow your gut but that’s what I’d recommend. Too many pedofiles out there and they look for women with kids.
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Your crazy…that’s a beautiful thing for him to want to show her the same love he would show his own children…kids need to know they are loved n appreciated and as a step parent myself…I love and cuddle my stepson as he is my own…in a world so cruel…they need to feel loved.
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I mean… if you don’t trust him with your children, leave him. If you wouldn’t think it unusual If he was her blood, then why is it an issue since he CHOSE to be her parent? That boils down to a trust issue, 100%.
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so you want your children growing up not having the cuddles from both parents, You will cause them to have trust issues, Obviously he is bonding with your older daughter and you obviously have enough feeling for him to have 2 children with him,. Let his affection for her be beautiful not sordid
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My Mom was like you , therefore I grew up never having my step father hold my hand , never had a dad to sit on his knee . Never had a kiss even on the check . Now I watch little girls with there daddies holding their hand walking & I feel sad that I missed that .
I’m really glad Dads are having larger part in raising their children .
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If he can cuddle with his biological children and is a father why can’t he do it with his stepchild he probably means nothing by it and cuddles in the most comfiest way besides her laying on top of him. Talk to him about it
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I think you are wrong in feeling this way. Theres nothing more beautiful than watching your man be a daddy and being affectionate with your child. I would be upset if mine DIDNT cuddle our daughter.
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I guess if why are you with him if this worries you…not saying anything bad thats just the first question that popped in my head reading this…my daughter is 5 and shell sit on her dads lap or lay on him when hes sitting in the recliner and i get why it would seem weord to cuddle that way but if you trust him and have nothing to worry about you shouldnt be…
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If you think it’s wrong for him to cuddle them, then you need to seriously think about why you feel this way. Is there something about you that makes him feel like he shouldn’t? Has something happened before? My fiancé isn’t biologically my oldest daughters father either, but he is her dad. She’s 3. He snuggles her, just as he does our almost 1 year old little girl. My oldest loves to be held, hugged, snuggled, all of it. If you can’t trust him to snuggle your daughters, that’s a huge issue and you shouldn’t be together. If there is no reason not to trust him, and you have other reasons to be cautious, maybe you should seek counseling.
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Why are you having kids with him when you CLEARLY do not trust him as a father. Something is wrong with your thought process here.
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If you don’t trust him with your daughter, then that’s a huge red flag, either you’re overreacting because you have been traumatized a certain way, or you are feeling something about him that is warning you. Be careful now.
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It’s only sexual if YOU make it that way. I’d be livid if the person I was growing and blending my family with got mad for treating her the kid the same way I would treat mine. That’s YALLS kid now, not just yours.
NOW if you feel he is doing this in an explicit manner and is wanting it to be more than a little girl cuddling with her dad, kick him out. Other than that, you’re wrong. So so wrong.
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You’re getting that gut feeling for a reason. Either something isnt right ( talk to your daughter) or you have past unresolved issues and you need to speak to a professional about to deal with it all
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I agree with previous comments I feel you’re wrong…there’s a reason your looking at this sexual but I don’t believe it’s your husband doing anything wrong, seems like something your projecting… hes trying to love her like his own child, my husband isn’t my children’s bio dad but he loves them as if he was! Be grateful your husband loves her like his own!
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While typically it shouldn’t be wrong, I would follow your momma gut. Thats how it started with me when I was little.
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I think you are right to be careful. Because bad things happen everyday to innocent children
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You are denying your child a father’s love. Please don’t! It will have lasting effects.
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My husband makes sure he gives my daughter who is almost 5 a kiss goodnight b4 bed and she isnt his and her father is involved . My husband cuddles and gives her the biggest hugs and that to me is love being shown. If u question him doing this he should not be around ur child
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Is he a registered sex offender or something? Hes their father / father figure why wouldn’t he be affectionate
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Just talk to the kids and see what he has been doing. And make sure when you talk to the kids remind them that they are not in trouble and it’s ok to tell you what he has been up to. And make sure you video record it when asking the kids.
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At the same time over here thinking I think people who have been molested not saying u have but can see signs b4 anyone
You’re weird for thinking it is anything other then a parent bonding with a child. If you have reason to think different then you need to make better decisions, MOM.
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As long as there is no reason for you to feel it’s in appropriate ,like he has done something sexual ,fathers cuddle their children ,on the other hand if you don’t know this man and trust him in everything he does ,1 don’t marry him ,2 keep him away from you children
My ex husband who is the father of my youngest child sexually assaulted my 5 year old. Listen to your inner voice.
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Obviously you don’t fear he will violate her other wise I’d hope you’d leave him… my husband cuddles ours no big deal I can see not wanting a man lay with your child if you feared his intentions but other wise it’s weird
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This is so sad. My husband always cuddles our kids. Hugs kisses couch cuddles. Kids need that affection from their parents or they end up searching for it in the wrong places.
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I think it’s weird you say practically spooning, You said the oldest was 4? & you thought he was spooning her yet you haven’t left him… If I thought anything weird like that I wouldn’t be with the man. Plain & simple .
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So long as his hands weren’t in a private place or his legs wrapped around her or that kind of thing, I see nothing wrong with it! Does he act any different than you do with them? I was abused as a child and went to counseling. I have two daughters of my own and I am a school teacher. This is a very loving age and some kids really like to cuddle. It teaches them that they are safe and loved. If you had a son would you cuddle different with him than your girls? Would you find it wrong? It sounds like you have some things that you may need to talk out. It’s very offensive for you to feel that way. You are either jealous or have serious trust issues. Either way I think you may need to talk this stuff out before it gets worse as your girls get older!
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Sounds to me like you don’t trust the guy so why would you have children with him or leave him with your children?
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My mom thinks my cuddling, hugging, kissing, and pinching my sons but is inappropriate, he’s 7. No I won’t be pinching his but when he’s much older and really don’t do it anymore but she isn’t affectionate and never has been so I think it depends on what you’re comfortable with. Would you think it’s weird with her bio dad? Ask your daughter how she feels, and he needs to respect your feelings about it.
Has your daughter ever mentioned feeling uncomfortable around him I mean if you feel this way I don’t think you should even go forward with the marriage it’s normal for fathers to snuggle up with their little ones does your daughter know the proper terms for her body parts honestly just sit her down and ask her. My sons father snuggles up with our 5 year old son all the time. And if you don’t trust him why are you leaving your daughter home with him. I can see why he’s upset if there is nothing actually going on then yes he’s going to be upset that you’re accusing him of something that isn’t happening but honestly you seriously need to sit down alone with your daughter and ask her questions and you need to re-evaluate your relationship with this man who you now have a child with and one on the way
If u think its so wrong and gross or whatever then y are u w him having more children? Do u lay w ur kids on the couch? When they are fussy do u lay next to them to comfort them? Damn lady u seem to be thinking weird stuff about the guy u supposedly love and little kids. Hope he gets out b4 u really turn psycho.
If you are worried about him touching her wrongly put up some nanny cams but snuggling a child is never wrong at all giving a child a peck isn’t wrong either but you are uncomfortable just find out and put it to rest
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From someone who was molested by my dad, I can see why youd by uncomfortable if you were ever abused.
Also though,
My daughter’s (she’s almost two) stepdad cuddles her and has even taken a shower with her. I feel safe enough to be with him and have another baby with him, so I feel safe enough letting him do normal fatherly stuff with my oldest.
I feel like a lot of normal things are overly sexualized. But I also know not normal stuff is overlooked (ex. My dad making me strip naked in high school for body checks and touching my breast and looking/feeling between my legs when I asked to see a gynecologist)
If you dont feel safe having him love on your kids, maybe you should look into not marrying this guy.
I’d ask yourself if you would have a problem with him cuddling your other child (if it’s girl)
If you dont have a problem with that, than I’d say you’re in the wrong. You’ll only hurt your oldest by making that unnecessary distinction that he isnt her “real” dad. And you’ll strain your relationship.
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Trust your gut always
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Always always protect ur child
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My husband cuddles our daughters and I see nothing wrong with it he is showing them a fathers love and building a relationship with them. The only time I could see this as inappropriate is if they where teenagers and spooning with dad. Other than that let him be a loving father unless you have good reason to think otherwise
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Always follow your gut feeling!
Reading some of these comments makes me want to call CPS on some of you. Taking showers with step dad? Are you serious?. Where do you guys cross the line?
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Weird you don’t trust him to cuddle with her but you leave them alone together?
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I wouldn’t like that either I would say something trust your instincts mom you can’t have lying eyes
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So you came home and he was laying on the couch with your daughter and your mind went to the gutter, you have issues and need to seek help
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Why are you with him and having kids with him if he can’t be a dad to your oldest? Unless he’s been shown to be unsafe for them, I think you have some possible deep seated issues.
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This whole thing is weird to me. Seems like a normal dad thing to do. Why would you marry someone that makes you that uncomfortable??
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That’s weird. If you don’t trust him to cuddle with a four year old… why leave her alone with him??? I mean seriously we gotta stop sexualizing everything. I get being careful but honestly why are you even marrying him?
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Trust your mama instincts!! After the abuse has happened it is too late. Better safe than sorry.People who say you are out of line have obviously NEVER had an issue of abuse in their lives!! Abusers slowly groom their victims and while I will concede that not all men who cuddle their step-daughters are abusers it’s those that fight against your wishes that most likely are.
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And you said cuddling with girls. Which is plural so you don’t want him cuddling with his own kid? Weird.
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It amazes me how many asshole have their say in this kind of situations … Their is a difference between stating your opinions and just being plain bitches. Who are we to judge another woman for being overprotective of their daughters? Who are we to say she has mental issues and that she needs help because she feels a certain way? Hwr fiancee should respect her decision if he loves her and most of all he should be very aware of her feelings. Everyone here saying that if she loves him then she should trust him. So if HE loves her he should consider her feelings regardless of how crazy it seems. If she has some kind of issue that’s for them to discuss the issue and if she thinks that she might need help then that’s her or a doctor to decide, meanwhile it is his job to show her that he is there to protect her and her kids. Regardless of how long theyve been together. This things take time to fix and heal. How dare you asshole speak to a mother like this. Not knowing anything about her. You don’t need to know every detail of her life to be kind and understanding. If you bitches let a man who is not the child’s father spoon with your children then that’s your choice. Dont judge another woman on how she feels. What a dissapoiment. Who raised y’all!?
I think that some of us are still hurt from stuff that has happened to us as kids, when no one protected us. So we project that on our significant others because we tend to have our guard up at all times. If you truly feel uncomfortable he should be okay with that and understand from your point of view. My fiancé understands what I’ve been thru and still shows his step daughter he loves her without the extra cuddles and kisses because I’m not ready just yet. I trust him completely but I still will always have that doubt in the back of my mind because of what I was put thru as a kid.
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Her are my thoughts about this. Do you not want him cuddling because you are afraid he is doing something. If thats the case then maybe get out of the relationship. And dont have anymore kids with him… but are you uncomfortable with it because he isnt her biological father?? Will he be allowed to cuddle his own child? Do you cuddle your kids?? Its sounds to me that you dont want him showing affection because he is just the step father. And thats wrong… you are making the separation and your husband has every right to be upset with you.
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Wtf is wrong with you. Now we can’t cuddle? Nah fuck that. I’ll cuddle my stepdaughter all I want n no one’s gonna stop me. Grow up
I am wondering if this person suffered a trauma of her own as a child?
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Why are you sexualizing this man trying to love your child? Will he be allowed to cuddle his own children? So many kids out here without a father figure and you have a man that wants to love a child that isn’t even his. If you honestly don’t trust him why leave them alone? Why have kids with him? Why stay with him? Your oldest is going to feel left out if he’s able to love his own biological children but not her.
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Do you think hes doing inappropriate things to her? If not then what’s the deal? He loves her as his own and shows it. If you have to even question this then perhaps you shouldn’t be with the man. Obviously something more is on your mind to make you uncomfortable with this. I get the protective feelings as a mother but this is your husband. If you have to protect your child from your husband something is seriously wrong.
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There is nothing sexual about a child. If you have reason to not trust him, you need to remove him from your life instead of having children with him. It is perfectly healthy for little girls to love on their dads. It teaches them how to have healthy relationships, as well as builds confidence. You might want to seek counseling for why you have issues with it.
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It’s fine. You are wrong. Dad’s cuddle with thier girls all the time. I still cuddle with mine and im 35
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Why are you with someone if you think they are inappropriate with your children?
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If you don’t trust him why are you with him? Has he given you a reason to not trust him around y’alls kids? Do you have issues you never worked on that you were traumatized from?.
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ALWAYS trust your gut!!! I had suspicions about my oldest daughter with her father her since she was 4. I now think he was grooming her which normally starts happening around the potty training age. Anyways, I kept thinking that my mind was just warped bc I had been molested myself so I tried to believe that’s all it was…it turns out that after I made him leave he actually did start molesting her at the age of almost 12 (she’s 13 now) and I just found out earlier this year. She’s been in therapy, on 3 meds from the PTSD and is in and out of the psychiatric ward because of this. Of course, I also reported it and CPS finally finished their investigation finding him guilty now I’m waiting for the criminal aspect of it. I’m also having to go back and change my divorce decree and fight for full custody of all 5 of my children (3 girls) so he can’t hurt any of them ever again. Again, ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT, especially with his reaction to the accusation.
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This is crazy! If you truly feel that uncomfortable with him “CUDDLING” with your girls why the hell did you get pregnant and more importantly wtf are you getting married to him??? Bc you CLEARLY don’t trust him! You are going to make him end up resenting those girls, bc he will be scared to go anywhere near them!
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Let him be a dad. It sounds like counseling- especially pre-marital counseling would be appropriate.
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So would it be weird if it was her bio dad doing it? It’s just cuddles. They are showing love…as long as they are both dressed this shouldn’t even be an issue. If he refused her cuddles she would be hurt and think that he doesn’t love her. I think you are reading more into this than there needs to be.
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I feel like this is only creepy if you let it, i don’t see a problem with that, it’s not like he’s being weird about it he’s loving her like his own.
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I have 1 thing to say. If someone is going to inappropriately touch a child they 99% of the time do not care if it is theirs or not. So dont isolate the oldest thinking your trying to save her. Either trust the man and allow him to show affection. (And get some counseling for yourself since fathers showing affection for their daughters is uncomfortable for you) or leave him. But all on saying is it’s hard to find a man to love another child as his own. Its actually pretty messed up of you to deprive him of that. Teach your children about private areas and how they are only for themselves. If anyone touches them always tell you, etc. They will be fine. P.S. my husband spoons my daughters all the time, but I trust him or he wouldn’t be here.
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If you don’t feel comfortable with him cuddling your children like a father would, I highly doubt they were spooning, anyway if you don’t feel comfortable with that then maybe that man shouldn’t be in your life…
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If you don’t trust him or are suspicious of him then you have no business being with him. If it’s not a trust issue but more of a you just think it’s inappropriate issue for whatever reason then you’re wrong and you genuinely need counseling for this. He’s her step father and the father of her siblings. He should be treating and loving her like he would his own. If you can’t handle that then your relationship will not last.
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If you see this as wrong because you are sexualizing it. And think he is going to do something wrong to your child then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship and having children with him. I personally think you are making it morebthen it needs to be. Theres nothing wrong with a father cuddling with their daughter or step daughter. Its no different then a mother cuddling with her son.
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If you have doubt in this man WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?! Is it okay for him to take care of her financially and support her emotionally? She’s attached to him clearly and if your willing to allow it then leave…
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If your uncomfortable, it’s not ok…period. You don’t need anyone’s opinion. You and only you need to make sure your child is safe, regardless if he says it’s innocent. Better safe then sorry.
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If you feel something more could be going on idk why the hell you are still with him. With that being said I could see how he could take offense to you thinking he would do something sexual with your child. Basically, if you think that low of him then dont be with him. Its not fair to potentially subject your kids to that and equally not fair to him to have a partner who thinks he could do such a thing.
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Well why are you still with him then? You’re complaining to us instead of leaving him! You’re most likely overreacting. If he’s been in her life and she sees him as her father then he’s probably just enjoying father daughter bonding not spooning. Many fathers cuddle on the couch with their children. If you don’t want him cuddling with his kids then baby girl leave that man alone. You got pregnant again which is irresponsible at best. This post is ridiculous. We are not in your home and thank God you’re anonymous 
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Girl BYE! You need to reevaluate yourself. Are you jealous? If you have that big of an issue with it then why are you with him and better yet still popping out his babies. You got some real issues. And i would be pissed off too.
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Then why are with him if you don’t trust him.
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Listen to your instincts they are always right
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So why don’t you think you can trust this guy with your kids and then why are you still w someone you dont trust 
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Ummm why would sexualize the step dad and daughters relationship? A step parent takes the roll of a parent. You have one baby by him and another on the way, if you are truly uncomfortable with him, and don’t trust him, stop having kids with him and break it off.
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I honestly don’t see anything wrong with a stepfather showing affection to his stepdaughter. If nothing inappropriate has happened then leave it alone. He’s just trying to be a father figure to her and show that he loves her as his own. My dad (stepfather) was affectionate towards me and never did anything inappropriate. Not all men are like that love.
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There’s more to this story. I think it would of been helpful to state why you feel the cuddling is inappropriate. Does it seem he looks excited? Or touches her in inappropriate places while “cuddling”? Also I don’t agree with the use of the word cuddling in this statement. Because it seems like you are looking at it more like he’s already molesting her. And if you feel that way then it’s YOUR JOB as a mother to protect your girls and ditch this dude. Or continue to let him molest your daughter and possibly one day rape her. I’m only going based off the way you described this uncomfortable situation.
However if he’s just innocently being a father. And you don’t in fact notice anything truly unusual. It is very possible that you may just be basing it off your own past trauma.
It’s a difficult place to be in. Also very emotional. I highly suggest you go with your gut instinct. Do what’s hard even if it hurts. May that be admitting that you need to break off this relationship or may it be that you need to apologize… I’ll pray for your daughters that you make the safest decision for them…
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I think you’re way over reacting!! I used to cuddle with my dad and watch movies as a kid. And guess what! When I was 15 and tore my ACL and others for the second time thinking my sports career and dreams of playing in college were over and I was crying on the couch after the news my dad sat and took me in his arms and held me tight and told me it would be ok. We sat there and watched a movie cuddled up with my father. Why? Because he comforted me. I’m a daddy’s girl and always will be. If you view a father cuddled up with a child as sexual you’re the one with the issues! Cuddling is nothing I’d be concerned about. Now baths with your daughter after shes 2 years old that to me would be concerning, but he isn’t doing that. Nothing wrong with kids cuddling and watching TV with their father. If it were you cuddled up with your son and your fiance said what you are wouldnt you be mad at him for sexualizing such an innocent bonding moment? You really need to take a chill pill your pregnancy brain is getting to you!!
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Doesnt matter if you are wrong, you said dont do it and he did anyway, now there is an issue an he has you questioning if you’re wrong . Hes manipulating you. Boot him out because it is that serious
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He wouldn’t cuddle with mine.
My husband cuddles up on the couch with our daughter. I would understand if she were older (teens), but she is 4. She probably looks at him as her own father. I really don’t understand why this makes you uncomfortable. Unless he’s given you reasons to not trust him with your girls. In that case, what are you doing with him?
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You can’t be with any man that you do not trust around your kids. This relationship sounds like it’s already over. It screams Steve Wilkos.
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Your gut feeling is telling you something.listen to it!!!
My daughter snuggles with her stepdad all the time. I love that she loves him enough and he loves her enough to show affection like that! It’s never inappropriate & they truly just love each other. It’s certainly not like he snuggles me, it’s very innocent and much like i snuggled with my dad. I’m thankful that my husband loves her like his own & my daughter loves him as much as she does.
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My fiance step father to my four year old daughter and biological father to our three month old. Ha! So, forward on, he doesn’t touch or hold or discipline my daughter in any way I dont see fit. I let the reigns loose when it comes to discipline or playing kitchen or chalk or ect. But, we are a very private family. Both him and I suffered abuse at a young age, so I have my cuddling/touching boundaries set, and he agrees. I also have the rule if she says no, it means no. If this man has given you no reason to be suspicious, and she didn’t say no, than I’m sure she sees it as harmless. The problem you’re dealing with is YOU don’t like it, and for whatever reason you don’t, YOU are mom. He is supposed to be your partner , which means respecting your desicions about your babies. Everyone said no such thing as step, just family, but I raised my daughter alone for three years, and I have the right to say I’m uncomfortable. I’d find the reason you feel this way, and discuss that reason, not just set the rule, with him. If it happens again beyond that, I’d seriously think twice. If you aren’t comfortable with them being that close, there is a deeper issue here you both need to address. Respect is respect and boundaries are boundaries 
as for me personally, with my experiences and my over protective mode, if I found him and my daughter SPOONING I’d probably knock his lights out. Lol 
So I’d try to find a deeper reason, explain that reason, and feelings, and set better boundaries with that knowledge. What happens beyond that and how you react is following your instincts
Why does it make you uncomfortable is there more to the cuddling than what your saying why don’t you trust him has he done something inappropriate and if he has why are you still with him are you over reacting to the situation is he just being a loving doting father bottom line if you suspect there is something wrong going on get out get your daughters out it’s your job to protect them why now are you worried about him and your daughter is he like this with your other child why have you stayed and continued to have more kids if he is being inappropriate or are you misinterpreting normal father daughter affection only you know what’s not right and only you can correct the situation if there is something going on have you asked your daughter how she feels if she has been touched in the wrong way
All I will say is this. Trust your motherly instincts. If you feel like it’s weird and wrong then it is. And if he doesnt understand that or even just respect that enough to not do that, then there is something definitely wrong. It sounds like there could be some trusts issues as well and then you gave to ask yourself why you are even with this man. Food for thought.