If your so concerned about how he interacts with your child then u shouldn’t be with him how u going to be with a man you can’t trust with your kid??
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In my opinion I would never let a step dad cuddle with my daughter
Talk to your daughter? Ask her some questions. Be sure this man isn’t coaching your daughter in doing this act. If he is then you have all the right to be wary of the guy. Do some research on the man without him knowing. Get his full name, age and do a major background check. I would be sure he hasn’t been arrested for child abuse or molesting a child . In other words be sure he isn’t a sex offender. If so leave as fast as you can and don’t go back. Do you have a right to be concerned? Sure you do, the guy thinks your over reacting, but don’t let your guard down not for one minute. I would leave before it really goes any further.
If you feel he is inappropriate with your daughter then why you with him?
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If your uncomfortable with it is there a reason? And if there is it should be no question about the relationship?
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To my eyes it’s a blessing for a stepfather to treat a non-biological child like his own and I’m sure when both your little ones grow up you’re not going to yell at him and tell him not to cuddle them. And if you’re that concerned and all I don’t get why you’re still with him there’s obviously something there that’s making you feel that way or you have a past trauma that’s making you feel that way but you should be very lucky that you have a stepfather for your child that loves her unconditionally
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I’m a “step” mom. Hate that term. I’ve been in my sons life since he was about 1 year old. He has never been affectionate and when he was a toddler he would literally pull away - hated touching so much I thought he might be on the spectrum (there were signs). But I persisted. He now fully faces frontways for hugs (used to give us the top back of his head lol) and even gives a squeeze sometimes. Kids need love and to not be treated different. My two youngest are very affectionate, and they get lots of affection. My oldest still isnt but I still offer it. If he says no or shows signs he doesnt like being loved on then I dont. If I were this mom, I would be heated if my husband treated my oldest like anything less than his own. If he cuddles the 16 mo old, you better hope he is offering to cuddle your 4 year old just as much.
Is your daughter not comfortable with this? Would you feel the same if she were his biological child? I don’t see anything wrong with just cuddling your kids.
It shouldn’t matter what everyone else thinks. If you are uncomfortable with something someone is doing and you tell them you don’t like it they should respect you enough to stop doing till you trust them . You as a mother should follow your gut feeling
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Simple question if he was cuddling ur bio daughter like that would there b a problem…?
If u answer no then there’s nothing sexual or wrong with the way he’s loving or cuddling all the children then … Its UR hang up of there relationship !
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Sounds inappropriate to me. I have a 5 year old from my previous marriage and my current husband is kind to my daughter, hugs her and plays with her but I would find it weird if he wanted to hold or spoon with her, I would not allow it. We have boundaries set and he sticks to what I am comfortable with.
The fact that you told him to quit and he is still doing it raises red flags.
If you don’t feel comfortable with it, why?
One thing to say the man I married at age 21 had a boy 8 yrs. Old I voved to raise him as my own no steps in my house and know I have plenty of grandkids I call my own no steps and your children will be happier…married 50 years now love those children show them you love them tell them you love them and if you cant trust your partner then you have nothing. If their is concerns about inappropriate actions discuss them. Or just end your relationship but no your facts before you ruin someone’s life as well as your own…
It seems like this is a trigger for you possibly from past events with other male figures or maybe you are getting some sort of bad vibe from this man which makes you uncomfortable with him showing what should be harmless affection towards his children. I would seek counseling if this is a trigger for something you yourself have been through. If this is some bad vibes then i would consider evaluating your relationship and whether you want this man in your life forever.
If your getting wierd vibes from him with your girls why are you with him?
how old is your daughter?
If it makes u uncomfortable it should not happen
No they don’t need to be spooning good looking out momma!! You have every right to be worried!!!
I was abused by a stepmonster so I can see where you’re coming from.
Yes ur wrong and it shows u have some underlined trauma that u should address. They r babies. He is their daddy to and unless he is doing it to harm them calm down. And address the issue u have
This post sucks because all of these in unanswered questions will probably never be answered…
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Either there’s more to the story or you don’t trust him. Either way why do you keep having kids with him and are gonna marry him? I’d do some thinking about that if I were you 
Would it bother you if it were her biological dad??? If yes then you may want to step away. However if it is no then you are tripping. Title don’t mean nothing if he is taking care of your daughter like she is his. You may want evaluate yourself and see why does it bother you so much. You got 2 kids by dude yourself which would place him in your daughter’s life at least when she was 2. Like I said if it bothers you because he is step daddy and not her real daddy then you may want to do self check!!
I dont think a father cuddling on it’s own is wrong but if you have concerns with him specifically maybe marriage and more kids needs some serious consideration
I’m sure it’s innocent. When little girls get approval and acceptance by the daddy figure on their upbringing they grow up more secure.
My husband cuddles all of our kids except the 16 n 17 yr olds. But if your alarmed over snuggles then something else is bothering you… I would just make sure he is not aroused by her unless he is just a boyfriend then it needs to stop
It’s ok to feel weirded out, i know I wouldn’t like that either.
Ok. So
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I get what you are saying. I got molested and my mom came in on us all the time cuddling when I was only 5 years old. I would have a talk to your daughter about it. See if it’s something to be worried about.
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If u married him, and nothing is happening there except him showing his love to her by being a parent, then what’s so wrong with cuddling with her? I don’t see a problem with it if he’s just trying to be a dad and show love.
You are the mom and he should have better sense. That is a sign and do not ignore. If it wasn’t wrong he would not get mad about it. He would respect you and apologize.
Trust your instinct before something happens that can never be erased! NOW!
Ask the daughter how she feels about it if there is even a hesitation on a glint of a dought tell him to stop if it doesn’t bother her tell him to keep it at a minimum only when your home to see it and no covers and if she don’t want to leave her alone if it makes him mad so b it he’s mad there’s obviously a reason your uncomfortable with it and he should respect that period
Your child is 4 talk to her and listen to what she says
Spooning is not a father cuddling a daughter. It is definitely a red flag that you can’t ignore.
When the child is old enough to to school - 6 years old - then no way but keep an eye on him. But its ok - i have heard of a daughter having sex with her step dad -so i do not blame you for your worries.
You should have never married the man if you dont trust him with your children. Something definently happened to you when you where younger. You have trust issues those children love there step dad and you are depriving them from having a father figure around especially if there biological dad is not. I myself have 5 children some are not blood but they are my everything all 5. I hope you change your ways and thoughts before it’s to late. Because if it was me I would leave your selfish ASS.
You’re taking about your husband? Do you trust him or not? If you think something inappropriate is going on why are you married to him
You need to question your self if u feel that way its for a reason… If it was me and i felt this way one i wouldn’t be with him he wouldn’t be left unattanded with my children and i wouldn’t be having children with him but not everyone is the same… My husband lays with my daughter and never have i looked at it as him spooning our daughters
A mother knows when something isn’t right. Hold your ground.
U r right bcos u r a Mother. Beleive ur instincts and throw away that man from d house
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Set up cameras. It will either get evidence on him or clear your mind.
There’s nothing wrong with cuddling unless he’s touching them inappropriately.
I don’t see a problem with cuddling. but you said other things. What are these other things? I feel like I don’t have enough information to really voice an opinion other than basic cuddling is okay.
To many un answered questions. Like did he do something for you to be uncomfortable with it, does he cuddle his kids, do you cuddle your kids, did your daughter say something, not that it makes you a bad person but are you having pregnancy hormones running wild, questions like that. I can see why hes upset if hes not doing anything wrong, but only you know the dynamics of your relationship. I hope for you hes a good man and just being fatherly, and i hope you guys get it worked out.
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You sound like you need some cuddles. It is such an important part of a child’s life to not only be loved but SHOWN love. The example this man will provide for her will reflect on the man she chooses in the future. Sounds like family counseling would be a benefit to you all.
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I’m amazed… I seriously have no words. Mama stay in a box for the rest of your life!
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I would hate to be in this situation. Yes, she needs to be shown love and treated equally, but unfortunately, there are sick child molesters in the world. Personally, I would be on my knees praying hard for wisdom, searching God’s word and seeking advice. If you have an instinctual feeling, don’t ignore it. On the other hand, maybe you are responding out of past hurt. You need to explore this. I think you should talk to your daughter and your fiancé. Search out resources for how to do that.
My boyfriends kids aren’t mine but I cuddle up with them. Tf is the difference.
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you live with him,go with your gut feeling,moms instinct must be feeling some things not rite
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If you feel in your heart and soul that this is wrong then leave. People have their own opinions but I’ve seen and heard about so many step parents molesting innocent children. At least you see what’s going on and if he’s so innocent he wouldn’t get mad. Talk to your daughter please and if you have to put a baby cam in somewhere. Please listen to your instincts.
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I don’t see what the big deal is with him cuddling with her my husband still cuddles our daughters at times and they are teenagers kids like to be snuggled …
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Why would you marry someone and bring them into your home if you dont trust them??
Also if in your eyes you see three man you live and your 4 year old on the couch and tire mibd goes to “spooning” you either need to leave him immediately or get yourself some help. Because its perfectly normal for non blood related bonus parents to snuggle with children all the way up until the child didn’t want to anymore. There signs be nothing sexual about it. If this bothers you there us a bigger problem and if he has given you no reason no to trust him and in fact your marrying him IF I were him I would be thibking you might not be the right person to marry before dealing with hangups. And Your going to put head trips on your kids thinking physical affection is somehow weird And sexual.
Mother’s intuition knows best. Trust it.
Kids love to cuddle. If she was a teen then yes but not at this age. I think he is being a good step dad and making her feel just as loved as the others
Let him by her dad for crying out loud!!! My husband cuddles our kids!
Three words to live by-trust your gut.
Protect your kids at ALL costs. Dont know if the guys is just trying to be a nice step dad or a freak-o but always go with your gut feeling. Youre better off being safe than sorry.
My thought is get him out… you can raise your babies by yourself
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Uhm what? Hes a father figure. Would you be upset if he was their bio dad? Its just cuddling kids love to cuddle. Unless its in a sexual way youre over reacting. If you think its inappropriate why do you have him in the house with your children? Like if there is something really going on you are opening a door for them to be in danger.
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If you don’t trust him, realize there’s definitely a reason why
side by side is ok I uderstand your feeling I would feel the same
Trust your instincts, maybe a hidden camera
No wrong at all, Dont leave her in his care !! Put up a camera !!!
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If your having red flags leave him!! But if it’s just because you feel it’s wrong sorry but there’s nothing wrong with it unless he’s viewing it in a inappropriate manner!! And if he is then you need to leave him!! But if she wants to cuddle with him and he’s a great guy and you know he wouldn’t ever do that then what’s the problem?? Do you cuddle with her?? What’s he supposed to do say no and make her hate him or feel she isn’t loved by him?? Maybe you were molested as a child so now you don’t trust anyone but if that’s the case then don’t be with anyone
No not wrong at all!
Personally if hes not doing anything that would be considered inappropriate i.e… something her biological father wouldnt do then I dont see the issue. He is essentially her father figure therefore she craves that fatherly affection… such as cuddling. If I werent comfortable with the man just cuddling my daughter I wouldnt be having a family with him…he wouldnt be in my home. I literally am sad for him. Being a step mother who adopted my step child and is now her sole parent by her choice after our divorce…the hurt that man must feel by what you are insinuating must be astronomical. He is doing what is expected of a step parent yet being criticized for doing so. What would you have him do? Shove her away when she wants affection yet cuddle his own? If you feel he is inappropriate in his touching then by all means he should be removed from the situation entirely.
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A loving cuddling father is more than okay. If YOU think he is an inappropriate man then WHY IS HE AROUND YOUR KIDS and why are you having one with him??? Leave!! It’s Your feelings about your emotions when these things happen that bother you sounds like counseling could help you sort through you either ignoring red flags of sexual abuse to your girls or your views with men and affection toward children.
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You need to clarify or update the information your providing us Because there is not enough information to cosign your request for him nit to “cuddle” with his bonus children. (Step children is an outdated term) my husband is not biologically related to my two oldest and he was a stat at home dad because in worked 12+hour days as a nurse. Who else would have hugged and cuddled the kids? Your making something innocent seem sexual? If you have traime in your past don’t put that on this man without hood reason and IF you have good reason leave him ASAP. telling him not to cuddle a child is basically calling him out about having intent or impure thoughts.
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My ex husband started out with inappropriate behavior towards his daughter (who was 11 at the time ) and within a months time it escalated into full blown behavior that was blatantly obvious it was wrong . Fast forward… I blew the whistle and later testified to his conviction.
There’s nothing wrong with affection but you really should evaluate your situation with this man if it makes you this uneasy .
Gut instincts usually aren’t wrong and it’s your job as a parent to protect your children
If you feel or have seen it is inappropriate or sexual in any way, obviously that would be wrong and a danger to your Daughter. I would ask her in private if she is comfortable or not with the cuddling, just so you can be very clear on her feelings too. Depending on her answer is how you should act on the situation (unless you have seen him act sexually, then you should immediately remove him from your home regardless of her response). In my opinion, if she is comfortable with it and can verbalize and express that, then let it be. You don’t want to give her unnecessary insecurities by having her treated differently than the other two biological children if you are not worried about risk of sexual harm. Although, whether she is comfortable or not, he should be listening to the boundaries you set as the Mother, period. But honestly even with that being said, kind of makes me wonder why you would have another Baby with someone who makes you feel this paranoid…There isn’t a single second my Boyfriend spent with my Oldest Son that I didn’t completely trust him with him, my Son is also 4 years old and not biologically his and my Boyfriend and I have 2 biological kids together too.
I don’t see the harm in them cuddling. (Unless he has done other things to make you worry about such things) she is only 4! I MIGHT be concerned if she were older, but then again some father/daughters have a tight knit relationship. In my case i did not. 
To each their own.
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I can see why you would be upset if it was a new boyfriend or something but this man probably sees your eldest as his own daughter and truly doesn’t mean any malevolence by it. If you don’t trust him why would you want to marry him?
I think you need to rethink marrying this man. Unless there’s a legit concern he would hurt your girls (if so, why the hell are you marrying him?), then you need some serious counseling.
I understand that fear. However, you can’t live life that way. You won’t keep a marriage never mind a step dad.
You’re saying you think you may be marrying a man with the potential to hurt your kid. I’d be fucking livid.
Talk to your 4 yr old. See if it makes her uncomfortable. She’s about the right age for the talk about right and wrong touches. My only concern as a mom is the fact you asked him not to, and he continued to do it. Like I’ve told my teenage daughter we all have that gut instinct for a reason. You have to listen to it. Watch yourself though obviously there’s a reason your this uncomfortable. Is it because of something in your past, or something you’ve seen in him. They are truly two different things.
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Trust your instincts. But if he is a good dad and there are no other warning signs, this may be something to explain to him in a way that he understands hugs and sitting up snuggles are good, but laying down snuggles are not appropriate for them because they cross a line.
Your right it is inappropriate, he needs to knock it off
This is ridiculous!! You don’t trust him to cuddle with your daughter and his own daughter either but yet you keep having kids with him, it doesn’t make sense, what are you doing with a man you can’t trust? If there are reasons you better leave, or if these are your own issues coming back then get help!!..
He has every damn reason to be mad, I bet if he wasn’t giving her any attention but to his child you would be playing the “he doesn’t treat my child as his own” card. If you don’t like him cuddling then you better not like him providing for her either!! I hate double standards…
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Hmmm odd. If you don’t trust him to cuddle your child, why have children with him? Seems like there may be more to this than what she’s telling us. If not, let them cuddle! Cuddling with my kiddos when they were little was the best part of being a parent! Mine are 20 and 21 now so I miss them being little and lovey!
She’s 4 give me a break . That means nothing . He is just showing her love like a dad should 
people read too much into things
Sounds like he’s being a step dad and stepping up where the other stepped out. There’s 2 ways to look at this. 1. You could see this as a good thing…hes being a great step dad and treating my kids same not showing favoritism over his or he be 2. One of these step dad’s who hates ur previous child wants nothing to do with her. So I’d say be blessed you found a man that wants to take on responsibilities of another a child and wants to hold her like his own. Look how many kids are killed every day by step dad’s, boy friends…think about it.
If you don’t trust the man not to molest your child why on Earth are you with him!? That makes no sense at all. If you feel like this man is going to or is molesting your daughter leave now.
ETA if your feelings aren’t based on anything he’s done or you’ve seen and are based on something that happened to you, please seek help. Both of you. Couples and individual. He may need help living with a survivor. You may need help dealing with triggers.
Amanda Duhon just reading the comments
So, you’re ok with him watching her by himself, but, he’s not allowed to treat her as his own? Unless there is a reason for your worry that you’re not disclosing, then there is nothing wrong with it. My husband has raised my 2 girls since they were very young. He’s hugged then, cuddled them, you name it. “Our” girls are now 19 and 23 and they think of my husband as their dad. He’s given them so much love and taught them how a man should treat a lady. He’s done the same with his own daughter.
I always cuddled with my dad, and my girls did too. My daughter’s also cuddled with their dads. Cuddling is completely natural so if you have something setting off alarms within you it is either 1 from your past or 2 a red flag you aren’t paying full attention to
If you don’t trust him then why are you with him and having kids with him. My husband is a step father to my two oldest ones and all four of our girls cuddle with Daddy especially since he is the only boy in our little family and the center of our world 
Oh so it’s okay for a mom to cuddle but not “dad” people are nuts now days my husband and I have a 3 year old and she prefers to snuggle with dad than mom … If you think there are issues don’t get pregnant . sounds like to me he has accepted your kids as his. Shame on you
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My 4yo cuddles with his step dad (my husband) and I think it’s a beautiful thing that they have a good loving relationship.
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This is just weird what’s wrong with a father showing affection and love toward a child . Women have been known to sexually abuse children too not just men. I think either something is missing here or it’s being completely blown out of proportions.
My ex did that to my daughter told her the my husband was not her dad and my mother made them feel awkward about been close. She is now 21 and she said he was always there for me ( her step dads) my dad wasn’t at all, my grandmother wanted to make sure I was safe. But I was and now they are becoming closer but she missed all those years . Boundaries have to be in place but if your daughter is in danger then for all means walk away from this relationship
Trust your instinct.
Be alert, keep watch. Ask yourself, what kind of relationships has he had in the past, how does he react with his family and friends. A good man who loves his sister, cousins, mother and women friends and is comfortable with hugs and kisses would react in this way but a man who has no love or respect for his family and friends might be untrustworthy. How warm and close is he with his family and male friends. This could be key. How does he talk about women and co-workers? I applaud your awareness, so many times women don’t pay attention or want to know what is going on. Example: Joyce Meyer" Pray 
about it and if you find yourself still unsettled, please protect your daughters by getting out.
My boyfriend is stepfather to my two children. Their bio dad is not in the picture. SO step dad has been my boyfriend for two years now, my son wasn’t even two years old when we met him. My daughter was 4. I would have no problem with him cuddling her on the couch. He’s helping me raise these kids and you better believe that he treats them like his own. He hugs them and kisses them and holds them. I would actually feel like there was a problem if he WASNT affectionate with them. I don’t understand why you have a problem with him. If he’s not being inappropriate or sexual, what’s the big deal?
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I wonder why you are getting worried about this. If he has mislead you to think he is going to harm the child he shouldn’t be around her at all and neither should you. If he never mislead you into thinking he has alternative motives then what’s the issue? Are you just uncomfortable around it? If you are then you need to reassess how you are living with him and move on then. My husband and daughter are not very cuddly but if they laid in the couch watching to or something I wouldn’t mind.
I know it must be terribly confusing to read all of these conflicting comments. I hope to help you clarify by giving you some things to think about. First, his stepdaughter is age four. So if something is “wrong” then that means he is pedophile. In other words, he is or he is NOT
Which is it? Does he have anything in his past that hints of him being a pedo? Have you ever seen child porn in browser history? Think hard. Because you are basically accusing him of being capable of being a pedophile. Be honest and get away ASAP if you answered yes to any of these questions. Get the hell out of denial. But, if the answer is no, you may want to talk to someone about your fears. Those fears can ruin something good that you have going there. Daughters need their dad or stepdad’s affection.
Sorry to put it so blunt, but if you have unhealthy fears, your “gut feelings” may not be your best gauge.
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This is why dudes don’t want to get into relationships with single mothers. If I’m with you and planning on marrying you, I’m not going to treat a non biological child differently than a biological one. Children need to feel loved and accepted by whomever their parent is with. Because if he pushes your kid away but dotes on the others what kind of damage do you think that’s gonna do to her? If I was your dude I’d cut my losses and leave. You sound damaged IMO…
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I mean you have obviously been with him for a while an feel that you know him enough to be married and have a child and one on the way. So if she sees him as a father figure and she’s comfortable and u are comfortable marrying him whats the problem? Idk what the situation is with her bio dad but if it’s good then he’s not replacing her dad…she can have a close relationship with her step father also…if not…you might want to reevaluate the relationship of a simole cuddle makes u uncomfortable and causes arguments
Yes you are wrong unless he is touching them inappropriately. He is just showing them love and comfort. Cuddling is good it shows the child how much her step dad cares about her
Girl go with you gut!!! And you’ve talked to him it about it and he is still doing it. Cuddles and spooning are two different things.
Yes u are wrong. A fathers affection is very important and necessary In a girls upbringing