My stepdad (who raised me since 3) hugged me, snuggled with me, tucked me in at night, etc. and the boundaries naturally came as i got older bc my body was changing. The man always calls me his first born. And i love him for that.
If he genuinely loves your child, I can see why he is angry. He’s hurt and probably offended like hes good enough to love and provide and raise her, but not cuddle her like a bio dad would?
Unless HE has done something in the past, I dont see the issue.
You have a child and want more with a man you don’t implicitly trust with the safety of your children? That says more about you hun.
If I may, I am a guy and got together w my Gf and she brought a 3 yr old with her, we got pregnant and I gave them both as much affection as I could, hugs, kisses etc, I saw no difference at all in how I perceived them, olders is almost 11 and sometimes complains I give more attention to my biological, I like to tell her the bio was a happening while she was actually chosen as my daughter and she’ll feel better, so unless you notice behaviors that are wrong and you know of this you should not put a man before your kids well being, but if its a situation where it has more to do with your personal experiences or the way you were raised I recommend that you talk to professionals.
If you trust this man enough to have biological children with him you should trust him with his bonus child in my opinion if you stop him from cuddling his bonus child and he continues to cuddle his biological children you are going to cause problems in their relationship you are going to make you child feel different from her siblings when it comes to him and you saying these things to him probably hurts his feelings I dont see anything wrong with him cuddling with her as long as it’s in a father daughter way if you feel like it’s not then I could see the problem and would not remain with a person who I did not trust with my kids do you tell the biological dad not to cuddle with her if you dont then I really believe you are blowing this up to something that’s not really that big of a deal and coming from a mother who has a bonus child if I was him you would be making me feel super uncomfortable I feel like you have somethings you need to figure out not trying to sound rude but I feel bad for this man cause I can see why he is upset with you step back and think of how you are making him feel his bonus child does not seem to have an issue with him cuddling with her it’s part of how they bond and continue to create a stronger relationship I could understand if she was older and you walked in to them cuddling but she is 4 children need parental affection and he is a parent in her life
As a step-mum this question makes me sad… If the child is my husband’s then the child is mine. I want to be able to love on my step-kids exactly as I would my bio-kids (up to their own comfort levels). Step-dads feel exactly the same way, I would imagine.
You’re the one sexualizing it. You need to seek help because you have some deep issues you need resolved.
If you are with someone that you cant trust with your babies then shame on you!! What’s the real story here??
Not cuddling with the GIRLS! Plural? Honey grow up.
If you’re that paranoid about his cuddling with y’alls daughters maybe he shouldn’t be your fiance/baby daddy… 
My hubby cuddled all our kids…I cuddle, smooch, spooned with all my girls and boys, hubby layed on the couch with all our kids, spooned, tickled, wrestled, hugged, kissed etc… never once thought anything of it. He came into my son’s life when he was 5, not as much affection there simply because a bond had not been established early on. But still hugs, lap sitting, couch cuddles etc… never once crossed my mind as weird. And I am a victim of sexual abuse. So, I’m wondering if you may have a paranoia due to abuse yourself or are you really witnessing things that are inappropriate? May wanna think long and hard on this. Cuz this will destroy your relationship. And if you actually find it inappropriate then why are you with him?
I don’t get it do you not trust him? Do you believe he’s capable of doing something to your girls? Coz if you don’t trust a man around them then get out of the relationship…
YOU have issues NOT him…
I think you’re weird. Why would you WANT someone to treat your daughter differently? You’re also creating weird ass habits not letting her show love.
I personally applaud you, for being your childs advocate. Regardless of who tells you otherwise, boundaries are more than ok, and your fiance should respect them, and reassure you. Otherwise, I’d be even more watchful.
There are many ways to show affection if that is what he wants to show, that doesn’t require, “almost spooning her, or other inappropriate acts”
It’s better safe than sorry, and your daughter will thank your vigilance one day.
…Perpetrators of Sexual Violence Often Know the Victim
Of sexual abuse cases reported to law enforcement, 93% of juvenile victims knew the perpetrator: 59% were acquaintances. 34% were family members. 7% were strangers to the victim…
This has nothing to do with trusting him as your future husband, as some have suggested. It’s that, he is not the father, and needs to respect the boundaries you’ve set with his stepdaughter, period.
I think if you trust him then it’s your warped mind making this inappropriate! My step son is 9 and he will get under the blanket with me and lay with me on the sofa and it’s nothing inappropriate it’s just I treat him the same as my daughter and as a family we like to snuggle on the sofa. I think it’s awful you are making him feel like he is doing anything wrong
I snuggle up with my step son when he allows but hes not a cuddly boy so i make the most of it when i do get one id hate it if my partner said i wasnt allowed cuddles make you feel safe and secure
So you have basically outed this guy as a pedo and can’t see why he’s mad.
You can’t ask anyone to give you any sort of advice on just this info.
Other certain acts you feel are inappropriate? Like what acts??? If this man is touching your daughter inappropriately then you need to call the police and kick him out. Not enough info. And if so …why are you leaving your daughters alone with him.
Why are you having kids with someone you don’t trust???
Cuddling isn’t sexual, if you don’t trust him then why are you marrying, having kids with him?
if you don’t trust him, why would you bring him into your home?
I think your sexualizing something that really isnt sexual he loves your daughter you making this weird can cause you issues later on maybe even end up separated from him…
I dnt understand spooning? Inappropriate acts?
My step dad (basically dad since I was 6 months old) cuddled with me, let me sit on his lap and always kissed my cheek! He was and still is an amazing father… if you feel this is inappropriate instead not innocent, why are you still with him?
The fact that you are questioning this and you feel uncomfortable anytime the man you’re about to marry… (and father of other child) cuddles with your daughter, says something. Like a BIG something.
I then also try to think of why you’re so against it. Why it makes you feel so uneasy… Fathers cuddle with their kids all the time. Is it just him in particular or would it be that way with any man? Meaning it’s not him personally…
Did you ever have an experience that, revolving around cuddles, that caused you not to trust men? I might be reaching but I’m trying to help you think this through.
Idk. But if its just that, dont project it onto him. That will destroy the relationship and it isn’t fair to your partner.
So I am back and forth with this…
I have a feeling that you’re saying it’s more than cuddling…
and you dont know how to describe it.
IF you have a feeling in your GUT listen to it!!!
If you see something sexual in that then you need to go get some help, check yourself straight in 
You’re not wrong, but realize you’re basically saying you don’t trust him so not sure I’d get knocked up by him anymore if I were you
If you believe he’s a pedo, leave him. If you don’t think he’s a pedo, let him cuddle his girls… 
I think it is great that they get along so well. If you are uncomfortable with it then you obviously don’t trust him and maybe need a new man If it is something he would so with his biological daughter, why should it be any different? My husband treats our son just the same even though he isn’t blood
Ummmmm, that’s basically her Daddy, why can’t they cuddle!?! You’ve got issues! Is he just supposed to completely shut her out?! How’s she gonna feel when he’s cuddling the other girls and not he because “you don’t think it’s right”?! What the actual fuck???
I snuggle up with my step daughter. She kisses me on the lips same as my son. Her step dad also cuddles her andbyreats her like his own which me and my partner are so grateful for as she loves him so much. And is comfortable. And she often gets in to bed with me in the mornings for a cuddle. And your daughter obviously wants to cuddle him which is lovely they have such a good bond. Unless anything has happened which is inappropriate but at that point you shouldnt ve with him and definitely not having a child with him.
It sounds like you have underlying issues of your own. If he has given you no reason to suspect him of being improper, this is something you should discuss with a therapist.
That’s horrid that you would segregate your child like that - presumably he can cuddle the children that are his? You either trust him and let him be a father or if theres something wrong you protect your child and get him out. No middle ground .
When I was 9 yrs old my stepdad …
Why are you with him???! And why are you pregnant AGAIN with a man you do not trust! UGH🤢
Nothing wrong at all with u not liking that He should not want to lay on couch and cuddle with a 4.yr old period that is weird
What the hell is spooning?
IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT THEN CUT IT OFF! TRUST YOUR INSTINCT AND DO NOT TAKE THE RISK! YES YOU HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS GUY AND ONLY RECENTLY REALISED SOME BEHAVIOURS THAT DONT FEEL RIGHT, SO, GOOD, YOU HAVE DISCERNMENT! DONT LISTEN TO THESE RANDOM PEOPLE SAYING “I do it all the time/you’ve got issues/ you’re sexualising the situation/ why treat them different/ it’s ok/ poor guy etc… Not one of them will be there when shit goes down- instead all of them will respond “well why’d you stay/ if I even had a hint of a thought, I would’ve taken my babies” etc etc… hypocrites!!
YOU ARE THE MOTHER! IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH IT, ITS YOUR JOB TO ACT ON IT! ID RATHER BE DRAMATIC AND END UP LONELY THAN RUN THE RISK OF MY BABIES BEING IN DANGER OR EXPOSED TO INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOURS! IF THIS IS EVEN A QUESTION, THEN YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO 
WE DONT HAVE DISCERNMENT FOR NOTHING! Asking for validation to stay with him (cause that’s really what you’re asking) is not going to change the risk factor!
Just me. I’m not sure I would be comfortable with the stepdad spooning on the couch with the 16 year old.
Am sorry but am shocked that you are making this sexual not him seriously you need to get help and you need to separate there is clearly no trust on your end I feel sorry for him and your daughter’s
If you dont trust him, do not be with him.
I dont find it strange he cuddles her but seems your holding back on certain things if you dont trust him why let him in your home around any of the children
My partner will cuddle our daughter, why is that any different?
Is this guy actually spooning her? What is ‘practically spooning’? Touching her in some way? Making inappropriate comments or looks at her?
If this is the case, leave and protect your kids.
Otherwise, it’s just a man, cuddling his girls, like any other father.
Cuddling is very healing, especially for children, don’t take that away from them if he’s not actually doing any harm.
Either something is telling you to trust your gut instincts. Or maybe something happened to you at some point that makes you think along those lines.
Or you’re over reacting.
Either way it’s clear you do not trust him.
Only you can figure that out
You are asking him to not show any physical affection to not only his biological daughter but his bonus daughter. Why? I’d be mad too if I were in his shoes. My children love cuddling with their dad, me, uncles, grandparents, etc. Children need that bond. I think you are in the wrong unless you have solid facts as to why he shouldn’t. Unless there is inappropriate behavior or your daughters are uncomfortable, let them be.
Who the fuck is this crazy bitch posting - stepdad cant cuddle daughter. You are deluded hoe!! fuckkkkoffffff 
I’m sensing an inherent distrust of your fiance, which makes me feel like there are more issues going on in this situation than simply you being uncomfortable with him being in physical contact with your daughter.
I understand that he is not the biological father and that men disproportionately take advantage of children compared to women, but if this is the man you are building your life with, who is also helping you raise ALL of your children, then you need to treat him as such. Affection can be expressed in many ways and not all the physical methods are inappropriate/sexual. I don’t know what position they were “spooning,” but actual cuddling is not inherently bad. I’ve fallen asleep in a dog pile with my nieces and nephews when they were between 5 and 8. Absolutely nothing inappropriate cross my mind, and it wasn’t because they were blood family. Pretty much the only common situation that I can think of that I would not feel comfortable in with older children is a child sitting directly in the middle of my lap. They would have to be on my thigh/leg.
If your fiance is a good man, then treat him like a good man and respect him enough to sit down with him and have an open conversation about this. Understand how he views your daughter from a different man and how he feels about physical interactions with her. THEN express to him why you feel uncomfortable about whatever it is you feel uncomfortable about. Remember, he’s your partner, not your enemy.
Personally yes I think you are wrong. I would be really upset if a partner was treating any of them any different regardless of DNA xx
Yeah mum set the rules
U have trust issues with him, so sad
If I was him I’d up and leave
If you can’t trust him with your children…why are you with him? Plus having more children with him?
Unless he’s said or done something innapropriate or creepy, there’s no reason that there should be a problem. & if he has & your still there, then there’s an issue with you. I have 2 girls and if my husband didn’t cuddle and hold my children, I’d be very upset. My oldest is 4. A child needs affection from both parents.
I’d 100% go with your gut instinct. You do not need help, if you as a mother FEEL something isn’t right then it probably isn’t.
I think you need to back up and look at the situation without bias. If you don’t let him love your child like he loves his, that child will be made to feel different by you and feel not loved. I would watch my child’s behavior. If she doesn’t seem comfortable with his affection, you’ll know. I think it’s wonderful that he’s not showing favoritism toward his own children and is willing to love a child that isn’t his. You don’t have to be a bio to love a child. Children need cuddling and affection to feel safe. You’ll know if that’s not the case. If you don’t trust him, it may not be him, but your own problem and you shouldn’t have had 2 kids with him. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound mean but you’re hurting a relationship that could be wonderful if he’s just being a loving dad.
Why arent u comfortable with it?? Ur making out that hes some sort of sexual predator!!! Stop shaming him for being a good father figure!. Children need cuddled. They need affection. What a horrible atmosphere for him and the child to live in if they cant even have a cuddle… wise up lady, unless u actually believe he is a danger to ur children, in which case u shouldnt be with him or have ur children anywhere near him.
Why are you trippin?! Must be those prego hormones. My second husband raised my first as his own from aged 1. Treated her as his own. Cuddling is a form of love
Why would you not want your child to benefit from affection from all of the people in her life !! Odd if you ask me
Yes I would say your in the wrong, you have agreed to marry this man, you call him stepdad but he cant have a cuddle with her. Why continue having kids with this man?
Do you have the same issue for your biological daughter?
Have you read the importance and beauty of girls and fathers relationship and how important these strong bonds can be?
Sound like you need to leave him.
Either you don’t trust him with you children and think so little him
Or he’s done something for you to not to trust him with your children and In that case you shouldn’t be with him.
Nothing working with a step parent loving their step children and the step children loving the step parents. Perhaps she wasn’t feeling great or just want some cuddles and he stepped up and provided her with that.
I was sexually abused as a child so I am on high alert. With that said I do feel that you are wrong. If he is allowed to cuddle with your youngest because she is his, your oldest will feel left out and probably be jealous. I understand being on high alert but if you can’t trust him then you shouldn’t be with him or leave “all” your daughters in his care.
Don’t think there’s anything wrong with that tbh. I spoon with my daughter
Some people are affectionate. It doesn’t mean he’s cuddling her like it’s his girlfriend… yes there are creeps out there but not every guy is one. Stop thinking it in a gross way
You’re absolutely fucking wrong. Him cuddling with his children is no different than you cuddling with your children. It’s honestly disturbing that you have a problem with that.
What’s the harm in a parent/step parent cuddling
Your child ?
My son in law is a step dad to my 3 grand kids and tbh he shows them more affection then their dead beat junkie father does
I get that your feeling all mamma bear, but hey would you rather he showed no interest in your daughter and just the other kids?
If there’s any question whatsoever, why would you leave them alone together?!?
If you don’t trust him with your children how can you trust him at all? And if he’s given you no reason at all to think these things, then why are you thinking them?
Always trust your gut!
I don’t see a problem, they need to know he loves them too…a cuddle is just that, a cuddle…if you see something more in it,Don’t marry the guy!
She’s four. Small children cuddle. 16. I would wonder.
I don’t see anything wrong w him showing as much love to his stepchild as he does his bio child (soon to be children since you’re now pregnant by baby 2 w him). I think you’re being really fucked up cuz even IF u thought he was trying to be inappropriate, you’re still w him and having kids w him. So idk why you would do that if u feel like he shouldn’t hug your oldest. I think it’s great he is showing as much love to her as he does your other child. At least she wont feel left out and will feel just as much part of your family as her other sibling…soon to be siblings. If u are feeling a certain way about him though, then u need to leave him n shouldn’t have kept having kids w him.
I’d say you’re wrong on principle. HOWEVER, if your instincts are telling you that there’s something off about his behavior, trust them, and investigate further.
If he’s not being creepy or giving off those kind of vibes, I think I’d be hurt if I was in his shoes. And if he is creepy… Why are you with him?
i think hes trying to treat her the same as his daughter so she wont feel diferent but you live there i dont i just think you cant treat one different
So you have almost 2 kids with him, but you don’t trust him to lay on the sofa with your daughter? Sounds legit 🤦
Seems like more to the story is not being said. If he is an innocent man and showing your daughter love by snuggles, I would think that would make u adore him and appreciate him for including his stepdaughter in his life. If he is not an innocent man (I think you would know if you’re marrying him and having children with him) then I would think that the question should be asked and also asked…why are you with him and allowing your kids to be with him? My husband and 10 year old (she’s his bio daughter) snuggle every day. Why do people make men out to be a perv if they snuggle their daughters? My daughter adores her daddy and I love their friendship and love for each other. If I were your Soon to be husband and innocently including your child into my life and you basically accused me if being a pedo for it, I’d be super pissed too. People need to stop sexualizing everything that a man does. Not all men are pervs.
Ok first of this is a super vague post.
Why do you not trust this man with your kids? Did something happen to you or to one of your kids? Has he done something inappropriate? Why are you having to “warn” this man to not “cuddle”. This is a very vague and strange post.
Eh… Are their other factors here your concerned about? If you asked him to not do that you would think hed be respectful of that and back off … Why does he NEED to do that? It’s weird
If he hasn’t gave you any reason not to trust him but all a sudden your gut is telling you something, then TRUST YOUR GUT and investigate further. Maybe even set up some cameras. Or sneak up on him one day just to make sure everything is okay but don’t tell him that you’re doing any of these things. ALWAYS trust your gut no matter what!! She’s 4 years old (and I have a 3 and 4 year old and they like to cuddle) so kids like to cuddle. But you just need to make sure everything is okay. He could be innocent and just wants to treat all the kids fairly. But still, investigate further
If you trust him why go to work and come and throw this at him when your not there you say you don’t trust him but yet you let them in harms way
But on the other note why be inscure about it and how long have you both been together
Its quite concerning that you see him cuddling the girls as an issue. Especially when the 16 month old is biologically his. Why do you feel this way? If there has been any inappropriate behaviour then leave him and protect your girls
I’m not saying you are wrong for asking this because you can never be wrong for asking to learn and educate yourself but if the man hasn’t made any sexual guesters towards his step daughter then I do think its wrong for you to point it out in that certain way, and if he has done something so bad that you have to tell him not to cuddle with his step child (dads, step dads do cuddle with there daughter if I may add.) Then you need to get yourself together and ask yourself why you are even asking for advice let alone reproducing with him, and in this case you should have got your children out of this situation when it was very first brought to your attention. If he hasn’t done anything questionable and has loved her no more than a father should you should let him be a father and stop thinking like this because just the mentioning of something like this can be blown way out of proportion.
VERY STRANGE ! should be thankfull that he is loving your daughter as his own the only person thats strange here is you thinking tht unless something els is going on that your not explaining!!!
omg u are so not wrong! ur mother instincts know best. if he gets mad his intentions are not good. if he understands u as a mom and has no bad intentions then he will respect it. never ever let ur guard down please! its better safe than sorry
Ummm my daughter is 7 and she still cuddles with both of us lol but this post is very vague. What other are acts are u saying he does?
So a step dad loving, caring for a 16 month old baby. Giving her love, attention, cuddles is OK. Infact most Mom’s would agree amazing! He loves her.
Or his he hurting her? You’re too vauge. Are you jealous she might be a “Daddy’s” girl (she only wants him instead of you). Or maybe she’s on kick of just wanting him? She’s a 16 month old baby. They love cuddling, its their thing.
It’s either creepy or it’s not. Are you just fighting to fight or is it actually an issue. If it’s an actual issue then you shouldn’t be with him; seems simple to me but I’m not you.
I feel like this situation has much more to it than what the information we got gives. Considering I don’t think someone would usually get engaged to someone TOO shortly after meeting them, and I mean someone just deciding after AT LEAST a year and a half (bio baby 16 mo) that you believe the man that lives under the same roof as your children is a predator
Obviously something making you uncomfortable, what are the other acts. It doesn’t seem this is about hugs which is natural parental behaviour.
Wtf, did you marry a freak? Did you? And you leave him home with your daughter, if so this is your fault. If there’s nothing wrong with this man, you are lucky he even likes your girl enough to cuddle. I don’t like this post. It makes no sense. This question is seriously Fu**ed up. Sounds like you are the one who needs to seek help and fast I would be pissed too, if I were him. I’d leave your ass fast and in a hurry
First off he clearly loves the children equally. If you see something wrong with him treating them equally you ma’am have issues. May you seek counseling! And yes he has a right to be pissed. You are basically accusing him of the worst thing with out proof. I would hope he treats your children equally so your oldest does not feel different as that can cause pain to the child. Especially if she sees him as her father figure too.
Clearly you didn’t see him as a threat when u said yes when he proposed and if u did again you need help. But I feel there is more to the story
Don’t leave her with him. Period. You are putting this child in danger.
If you don’t trust him, why are you with him? I know that a lot of stuff happen with stepfathers etc but If you do not trust him, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him of make children with him
If you think something weird is going on you need to leave and get your daughters to the pediatrician and a psychiatrist to find out. Trust your gut!!!
If i were in his shoes I’d be pissed too and honestly I wouldn’t ever want to marry you and I’d probably leave you. If he is innocently loving on your children (which are his too blood doesn’t make family) then why are you questioning it? My daughter is 3, she has no father figure in her life, no daddy to love or look up to, yet he accepted you and your daughter and agreed to have more kids and marry you…you should be grateful not trying to hurt him or your daughter. Unless there’s more to this story, just let them cuddle and bond. It’s some thing a lot of kids need and don’t get.
Listen to your instincts.
If you don’t trust your “fiance” cuddling your four year old daughter, then honestly wtf are you doing with him?? If this is at all a suspicion then get the fuck out as fast as you can.
I just can’t relate, my daughters all cuddle my husband (7 and 5 year old are not his)
Yeah idk. My fiance isn’t bio to our son but has taken the role of daddy 100% and i trust him with the world. Physical affection is a huge part of development
What the fuck is wrong with you? Unless there is something else going on you’re being ridiculous. And if there is something else, run don’t walk away. But otherwise be glad you got someone who loves your child. You got lucky if you got someone who loves your kid like his own. Trust me, I was the unequal kid who was never good enough