Trust your instincts and see the red flags!
Why are you with him?! You chose him to be a dad to her.
Something is making you uncomfortable with it so trust your instincts as a Mom
You shouldnât be with someone you cant trust to show appropriate affection to your kids⊠my husband loves to cuddle me and all the kids
There shouldnât be any worry with it unless you suspect something wrong going on⊠and if thatâs the case why even be with a man you canât trust with your kids? Bio and non bio kids should be treated equally really⊠sheâs 4, unless heâs a perv Iâm sure she wants snuggles, the baby gets them too, right? If heâs a perv and you donât trust him, leave. If not, relax. Heâs trying to be a dad.
Ummmm⊠Why couldnât he cuddle with her. Cuddling is so natural in parenting⊠If you are worried something might be off you shouldnât be with him in the first place.
Oh look. My daughter and her step dad cuddling . Nothing wrong with it!
I hate to say but if you feel maybe he could be thinking bad things when hes cuddling with her you shouldnât be with him. I would never take a chance with any of my kids. I have never ever worried about that from my husband. Sounds to me like maybe you think he may be a weirdo?
If you worry so much of that, why are you with him still??? Itâs probably ur past or trust issues thatâs making u feel this way.
If you feel uncomfortable with this there is a reason. Itâs totally normal for a father to snuggle his children. Is your gut telling you something? If so, why do you keep having children with this man??
If your questioning it, you already know something. If you think that way, why are you with him and why is he in the house with your kids?
Actually cuddling with you parents is part of creating a bond ask any doctor they encourage affection i was raised by my step dad and I cuddled up to him all the time its completely normal and what parents and family do itâs no different than you cuddling with your children and itâs not fair to deprive him of showing his children love and I feel it says more about u as a person that you are sexualizing something that in no way shape or form is meant to be seen or done that way. If you dont trust him and think he is capable of doing something then you should simply leave that relationship I would never have someone around my kids I didnt trust. But if itâs simply an issue that needs to addressed in your own mind and person than you should do so and leave them out of it your just painting him to look like a man hes not all while depriving him of normal affection and time with his kids
UNLESS you have that nasty gut feeling he does something, then you should leave.
But, if not, thatâs seriously some fucked up shit. Because thatâs you telling him you donât trust him and youâre having two of his kids. Heâs treating your first as his and showing affection.
You obviously trust him if you left them alone.
He has every right to be offended, you basically called the father of your child a kiddy peddler.
I just donât see why u have an issue with it. Cuddling isnât a sexual act. Not only that but im sure ur making him feel as if heâs a pedophile when heâs just being a loving father
If you had a problem with that you should have never married him!
Umm why is that not ok? Why are you with him if you are not ok with things he does? I am so confused sorry what is wrong with cuddling his daughter I donât get it. Unless he is touching her inappropriately or your daughter out right said she doesnât like it I donât see what the problem is.
If you have that fear itâs one of two things. You are scared from your own past experiences or you suspect something about that man! Cuddling hugs etc is normal and healthy for children! You need to decide if you trust this man, and if you donât then get your kids out of there! If itâs from your own personal past, then I fully understand and feel your pain and many prayers for you mama
My husband who is a stepfather (actually their father because their dad passed away) to four of my children cuddles with my almost 8 yr old daughter and I would never think anything about it! *******You say practically spooning??? I mean, if that was the case his ass would be kicked then Iâd kick him out and call the cops!
So if you have this intuition/making you feel uncomfortable why are you with him??? I mean, if I had that kind of feeling I would definitely address it and ask my daughter questions or consult a therapist for your daughter who is better educated to handle such things to get answers.
I mean they call a motherâs intuition for a reason so follow it!! Donât chance your daughter getting hurt and her having to live with that for the rest of her life!!!
Your children always come first over any man!! Iâm praying for your situation
My 5 year old cuddling and sleeping with Grandpa??
Why would you ever marry someone who you didnât feel could be trusted with your daughter?
I do think youâre wrong. Iâm sorry. But children need and want this kind of contact and she views him as a trusted and loved adult. If you think thereâs anything nefarious about his behavior you shouldnât be with him at all. And I understand his anger, youâre basically implying that him cuddling this child is perverted somehow.
As a person who went through being touch by my mothers husband I take this subject VERY SERIOUS! If you as a parent feel uncomfortable it is probably a gut feeling and something needs to be done about this NOW! Also, if you have asked him not to do these things and he continues to do them obviously when ur not home thereâs an underlying issue! Do not allow your childâs innocence to be ripped away because he fathers ur other two children!!! My daughter loves her dad. And is always cuddling with him. However, I donât feel uncomfortable about it and have never had any kind of gut feeling. But obviously for you to come on here and ask this sort of question there is something inappropriate going on or u would feel the way u do! Ask questions before itâs too late! I would never want my children to experience what I went through. ITS NOT OKAY!
I donât personally understand this. Snuggles are amazing. My husband has raised my older two with me and by my side for 10 years. When they were little if they wanted cuddles I have no problem with that. Parents should be able to give affection to their children without question.
I actually encourage this, as it strengthens the family bond.
Why does it bother you? Would it be different if he were biologically dad to all?
If he makes you feel uncomfortable then why donât you leave him? You should be able to trust a man who has stepped up enough to cuddle your children. Youâre going to lose this man if you keep acting that way for no reason.
You are wrong to be this way. Do you cuddle with them? If you do youâd better stop too. Parents cuddle their children whether they are step children or not. And at 4 years old cuddling and comfort from a parent is 100% still needed. If you suspect that heâs going to molest her , get rid of him. Otherwise donât treat him like he is doing it. Thatâs why heâs mad. Probably makes him sick to his stomach that you act like he is going to.
Girl, if you feel uncomfortable with his actions towards your daughter why are you still with him AND still having kids with him?!
Is it ok for him to cuddle with his biological child? Unless there is a no cuddling rule across the board then this makes no sense. Also why be with someone you are uncomfortable with having around your child and being affectionate with. Cuddling is normal. Is there more to this story you are not sharing?
Why is that not ok??! My daughter is 15 and I started dating my husband when she was not quite a year. He was more of a dad to her than her own father. He used to cuddle her all the time. Your daughter is 4âŠthatâs normal behavior for a dad, step dad, grandfather, etc. what makes you uncomfortable about it??? Does he have a past??? If so, then why are you even with him? Wouldnât you want him to treat those kids like his own? Thatâs what fathers do. So unless you have a reason, like heâs a pedofile or something, thatâs a little crazy. And if he is, what the hell are you doing with him???
Either:
you know something the rest of us donât and youâre still with him despite or
Heâs being a dad and youâre over reacting.
Either way, youâre in the wrong. Leave if you donât trust him. And if heâs done nothing wrong then LET HIM BE A DAD.
If you didnt trust him you shouldnt have married him much less had a kid with him.
Cuddling is NORMAL and a main part of bonding. You should be damn thankful he has a bond with his step childâŠ
I guess I would need more context about what is inappropriate. A father showing affection to his children is not a bad thing. Are they naked? Are his hands in inappropriate places? Does he seem sexually aroused? Or are they truly cuddling? Does he cuddle with her the way you would cuddle with her?
People can have their opinions for sureâŠ
Youâve had concerns prior⊠can I ask what & why?? I would say trust YOUR instincts.
You are absolutely wrong
No itâs not okay. Sitting side by side is okay. She is learning how to be with others.
if you feel uncomfortable with that man around your child then why be with him?
heâs being a parent in my eyes.
I donât think youâre wrong at all! Donât let all these people make you feel guilty. My daughterâs step dad isnât allowed to have any physical contact with her those are just the rules and he is okay with them. Iâve never have gotten a weird vibe from him I just have past traumas that happened to me and I rather be safe than sorry!
Itâs no wonder why some men shy away from dating women with kids. If you cuddle them you could be seen as a perv. If you donât treat them the same with them as your own then youâre not a good guy either
Sheâs 4. Sheâs going to want to bond with the parental figures in her life. If heâs not doing anything thatâs ACTUALLY inappropriate it shouldnât matter if sheâs a boy or a girl. My boys are teenagers and still occasionally like to be affectionate with me their mother. Itâs not âgroomingâ behavior if heâs openly doing so in front of you. And his being upset is an appropriate reaction to your being uncomfortable with it because he probably feels attacked like youâre accusing him of being out to hurt your child when all heâs trying to do is be a good parent who shows love and affection to his kids. Cut the guy some slack. Maybe set down some ground rules (not to be crass but rules concerning where his âjunkâ sits in relation to her bodyâŠI mean itâs gotta suck to be a guy. Like itâs in the way no matter what you do) but donât completely cut him off from showing affection. That alone can cause issues with little girls too. Wondering why Daddy hugs their brother and not them
Youâre fucking gross. Yes youâre 100% wrong. And if u have a valid reason for saying this, then why tf are u having children with him? Smh. Iâd leave your crazy ass immediately. Poor kids canât even get cuddles from their father/father figure. Smdh. #stopsexualizingeverything
Why be with anyone if you donât trust them enough not to âtouchâ your children? Why have children with him at all? Heâs not just your sperm donor for when YOU want to have a baby and cuddle itâŠheâs got emotions tooâŠand you probably hurt him deep by doing this
if you donât trust him then send him on his way. Every baby deserves cuddles. 4/14
There has to be more to the story
Itâs only wrong if you think itâs wrong. Heâs their father. If you think somethingâs wrong, figure out if it is. And if not, stop being so damn petty.
You should be thankful that he loves your daughter and shows her affection as if she was his own. My boyfriendâs son is almost 11, and we have a 1 year old daughter together. My stepson gives me hugs, kisses and cuddles with me. I donât see any wrong with it. Iâve been in his life since he 6. I think you really need to evaluate why it bothers you.
If you are uncomfortable with him showing affection by cuddling and see something wrong with that behavior from a parent then maybe you need to not be with him since you think its not harmless cuddling between step father and daughter. Shes 4 you said⊠Pretty much every 4 year old ever loves to cuddle with their family. If youâre seeing it as inappropriate then honestly youre either picking up a pedophile vibe from your man OR youâre being completely ridiculous and over thinking cuddle time with dad
Ok I havenât read all of the comments but Iâm wondering if 1. There is a history of sexual abuse in your own childhood that makes you not trust this man or any for that fact with little girls including your own 2. If youâve talked to him about that and other behaviors that are raising red flags then you shouldnât still be with him let alone having children with him. 3. Honestly if itâs your own insecurity or anxiety from something in your own past you could end up damaging not just your daughters, but him and your relationship. Get help for you or get out if thereâs truly red flags.
If this is how you view it, STOP having babies with this man.
My husband cuddles with his five year old daughter. Nothing perverse. If you donât trust that man get him out of your life. What exactly is your problem with him? Nobody can help you if you donât tell the whole story.
Is it bc sheâs his stepchild? Has he given reasons for suspicion?? Whatâs your reason for it being wrong??
Iâm confused?? He can be a dad, but not a good dad?? Not a caring, loving dad? He has to stay at a distance?? Thatâs justâŠweird. And wrong.
I grew up cuddling with my grandfather ( dad didnât give a damn bout me lol) my daughter cuddles with her dad and grandfather on his side I have no problem with it, and this is after I been raped and molested most of the time men canât get hard around children they care for they donât have the mind set to get hard with there little people in the same bed/ couch even in sleep ( there are a fwe sickos out there though )
I really feel young and your kids are young need to feel loved, special and important in the family. Snuggles are important and you donât say there was touching etc. You havenât said there was anything wrong. My husband helped raise my youngest 2 . I feel itâs important that he wants to be part of their lives.
Yet you still keep procreating, and are contemplating marriage with someone who you are not at peace with? It seems you have the issue, even if he doesnâtâŠseek help.
You may feel this way because of some form of hidden childhood trama. You canât control how youâre feeling. Get help. Finding a man who loves your child like their own is a blessing for yâall, nothing weird with a dad holding âspooningâ with his kids. Itâs a bond being built nothing sexual.
Why did you have 2 more kids with a man you cant trust around your oldest ? Iâm 22 years old with 2 kids of my own and you know what I will still cuddle with my dad if I feel its necessary because Iâve almost lost him twice due to heart disease⊠My husband cuddles our children , thier grandfather my dad cuddles them one boy , one girl, you shouldnât be sexualizing anything unless you have a real reason too .
If your not comfortable with it then theres a reason. If he knows your uncomfortable with it and continues to do it then maybe you shouldnât marry him.
Yes, you are! It will wind up hurting your daughters.
You shouldnât date him, if you donât trust him⊠Trust is very important but so is showing your kids love and affection. Donât let your past determine the love that your children receive.
Most of my friends who struggle with this were molested. I think you might need to evaluate what it is that makes you have such a strong reaction.
I wanna flip the script here. Is it inappropriate for me to cuddle with my sons or my little brother? Is it inappropriate for my youngest sons dad(their step dad) to cuddle my 3 year old son? Iâve never seen parents and loved ones cuddling as something inappropriate, and Iâve gone thru more than one period of my life being sexually assaulted.
Donât second guess yourself. If your gut tells you thereâs something wrong going on⊠believe it. Maybe talk to your daughter about the girl places that should never be touched. Itâs a sensitive issue but if she communicates with you about it, maybe it can save her from being violated in the future. If he doesnât stop after youâve asked him multiple times to stop then maybe sit down with him and explain your concerns and make him understand why youâre concerned. Also, think about it from his perspective, if you were in his shoes, itâs scary but if you love him and he loves and respects you then this shouldnât be an issue.
Wow. If he canât cuddle his own kids or the kid you expect him to help you raise then like why donât you just raise them all alone! Nothing inappropriate unless youâre daughter is uncomfortable or something. Ugh. I canât even read these things they annoy me!
If he is comforting her like a father would and should⊠Youâre definitely in the wrong.b
If you dont trust him, you should leave. If you get a bad vibe, leave. If not, be happy he takes time to comfort your child because some are completely detached. I have snuggled my step children (girls, but still) and I have bathed them, dressed them, never was made to feel as if I did anything wrong, and Iâd have felt awful if I had been⊠Loving a child thatâs not yours is a blessing for both the step parent and the child. But again, if YOU feel bad vibes, leave him. Because there must be a reason for that.
I think itâs okay. 4 isnât weird if he was spooning at 15 like my dad did well thatâs weird. At least it was to me at 15. But heâs just being a fatherly figure at this point. If thereâs nothing more than cuddling Iâd say let it go. Dont stress over little stuff.HOWEVER if you feel something is wrong, stop it
Shes FOUR. she wants to cuddle. I can bet hes not forcing her. Your definitely over reacting. You did not mention any prior evidence of touching. Cuddles are completely different. You are so wrong here. I feel for him. So you gonna tell your 4 yr old not to trust him. You are seting up a future of failure against him and her bonding. Grow up
You have every right.
Either one you need to get away from this man if you are feeling he is inappropriate or 2 you are jealous of a child, your own at that. If you truely feel this is inappropriate than you feel as if he is a pedofile and you need to leave him and stop laying down and making babies with him.
Ew how gross that you would be with a man who you (obviously) think would be inappropriate with his step daughter⊠shame on you. I think its wonderful that he shows affection. If you dont trust him, get your kids away from him!! Your mindset is really disturbing
Quit having babies with someone you donât trust.
Wow very rarely do I see questions on here that upset me but my God heâs being a good dad and loving a child that isnât his! If it upsets you then maybe you should seek counseling, heâs done nothing wrong. Your daughterâs deserve to feel loved at 4 there should be nothing sexualised youâre doing more harm than he is!
I think if you feel uneasy about him showing your daughter affection, then maybe something is off with him? I agree with others, you shouldnât be with him if you have that uneasy feeling and donât trust him.
Is it the stepkid thing? Thatâs a little extra in my book. I have a 4 yr old my my FiancĂ© is also his stepdad and they cuddle when they are both sleeping and randomly my baby will want his step daddy and heâll crawl up in my FiancĂ©âs lap and it makes my heart melt. Family is family. Love is loveâŠThe title is just that, a title. Momma to momma, I donât see it as inappropriate.
My SS was sick this week. Was it wrong that I cuddled him to comfort him?
Woman have been conditioned to believe that all men are predators. I saw a question about a mom letting DAD! Change the babies diaper! Not all men are creep and predators. Talk to your daughter if something is going on youâll find out but this is just ridiculous. DONT HAVE BABIES WITH SOMEONE YOU DONT TRUST!!!
Why!? Seriously⊠why are you not okay with it!? If you canât trust him and feel what heâs doing is wrong, you shouldnât be with him or be having children with him. That makes 0 sense. Has he given you reason to act this way?? Or were you molested as a child?? My husband cuddles both of our girls. One is now 10yrs and the other 6wks. There is nothing sweeter than the bond between a girl and her daddy. Unless he has given you reason to doubt (which again, you should t be with him if so!) then donât punish him or be weird about it. You will not only hurt him, but her the children as well.
You are seriously overreacting I think! He is giving her a for of bonding and protection. She obviously trusts him or she wouldnât be snuggled up to him. I think you should be thankful your fiance loves your other child as much as his own!
If you think he has Predator tendencies then why keep having kids with him and be engaged??
Your not over reacting you know how many dumb ass women believe what ever their new man says sheâs 4 he can easily manipulate her and if you have asked and he keeps doing it that is not ok because he is not her father he needs to respect your decision and if he doesnât then look more into it you canât trust just anyone
Your right!!! its inappropriate. My daughter was 4 when her babysitter started molesting her. You just never know men can be too turned on and the next minute their trying to hump little kids. Watch that guy and PLEASE TALK TO YOURBABY GIRL. she might deny it at first.
Who hurt you? Seek therapy. This is your issue not hisâŠ
Um I think theres something wrong with you for looking at this wrong. Shes four. Not 10 or 12.
Hold up?! How long has he been in your life. You having a baby by this man and your just like no! You canât cuddle or do things a normal dad would do just because he isnât their bio dad. Your an idiot and a pervert Iâm sorry but you are. . I understand being cautious when your just dating a guy like hell no, no man is gonna cuddle my daughter but a step dad come on. And I know there is bad storyâs all the time Buuut obviously he thinks of them as his own I mean for Christ sake your having a baby by the man.
Either the fan that posted this left out major issues that happened and are actual cause for concern or she is crazy an super wrong. If you ask me to judge based off of this post. You are very wrong mam. Sounds like heâs being a good dad or trying to be a good dad to YOUR child and you wonât let him. Itâs normal to cuddle your kids whether you are the mom or dad. If your man genuinely hasnât done anything wrong and youâre just??? I mean Iâm really not getting your concern here. This response was to the fan that asked the question not anyone else. Donât come at me for my answer/opinion.
I wouldnât be with a man I donât trust.
Yup. Youâre wrong. How dare he treat this child like his own.
Why is cuddling not allowed? Thatâs kinda extreme to me. Now, if he was doing other things that were inappropriate then yeahâŠbut I think youâre overthinking.
Now would this even be a question or an issue if it were the 16 month old or the new baby when it comes. Or is it just the fact that itâs your daughter.
If you have a problem with him doing something that most normal dads would do, youâre with the wrong guy.
You are so fucking retardedâ:joy: Youâre nervous about this man being around your oldest but youâll have sex with him, get pregnant twice⊠um ok? If you have the slightest suspicion that any man is looking at your children in that way, YOU SHOLD FUCKING DO SOMETHING AND LEAVE. but if he loves this child like his own, their gonna cuddle and show love, my kid cuddled with her dad (that wasnât Biological but with us since birth) Thatâs normal. But he also wasnât a sick in the head weirdo like that bc I made sure of who I put into my childâs life. So either youâre fucking stupid for staying with someone you suspect to be a Child molester or youâre a possessive psycho jealous bitch whoâs the one thatâs sick in the head for thinking of it that way. Ether way, this is the dumbest post Iâve ever seen and you are obviously very oblivious to whatâs going on (or not going on) with your children and fiancĂ©. God help you girlâ:flushed:
K there is no step anything is hes been the only father figure, and unless hes got a boner while cuddling here or touching inappropriately or saying sexual things i see no problem here at all, i spoon my 2 year old all the timeâŠjust cuddling my baby. And if youre concerned by this why the hell did you have a kid and get pregnant again by the same man??
It amazes me how many asshole have their say in this kind of situations ⊠Their is a difference between stating your opinions and just being plain bitches. Who are we to judge another woman for being overprotective of their daughters? Who are we to say she has mental issues and that she needs help because she feels a certain way? Hwr fiancee should respect her decision if he loves her and most of all he should be very aware of her feelings. Everyone here saying that if she loves him then she should trust him. So if HE loves her he should consider her feelings regardless of how crazy it seems. If she has some kind of issue thatâs for them to discuss the issue and if she thinks that she might need help then thatâs her or a doctor to decide, meanwhile it is his job to show her that he is there to protect her and her kids. Regardless of how long theyve been together. This things take time to fix and heal. How dare you asshole speak to a mother like this. Not knowing anything about her. You donât need to know every detail of her life to be kind and understanding. If you bitches let a man who is not the childâs father spoon with your children then thatâs your choice. Dont judge another woman on how she feels. What a dissapoiment. Who raised yâall!?
Oh good grief yes youâre wrong. If youâre suspicious something weird is going on then you need to stop having kids with him and move out. If itâs just you being weird then stop.
Everyones response is right to a point in the comments.
The first thing you need to address is why does it make you think it is wrong? Has he shown actions that are inappropriate towards her or someone else? If so follow your gut and leave for the kids safety.
Why is your gut telling you that itâs not okay?
If he has not and you have talked to her about whats good and bad places to touch and everything is fine you are overreacting.
My husband is a stepdad to my girls. My youngest would curl up in his lap watch tv but i never got the feeling it was wrong. Follow your gut and investigate it.
If you donât trust him why in Gods name would you be with him or leave your kids with him. Woman jump into realationships & trust every tom dick & harry they fall for. If you canât trust him with his step daughter how can you lay down with him and keep having his babies.
Iâm 37 and I will cuddle my dad and my step dad!! Affection is often confused with being sexual. The question is why does him showing her love make you feel like thereâs something underlying. Has he ever exhibited and creepy behavior? If so why you with him???
First of all, for the people saying sheâs sick or sheâs crazy or just plain stupid, shame on u. Maybe sheâs been thru something very traumatic & doesnât see this as something innocent. Yes she should get help bc not everyone is out to hurt her daughters but try to empathize w this woman, sheâs clearly been thru a lot. & when I think of spooning I think of crotch to butt & to me thatâs kind of weird too. I would definitely not be w & continue to have kids w someone I have my doubts about. I hope for her sake nothing is going on but if u have these doubts u should just leave. Listen to ur mothers intuition
No wonder you want to remain anonymous. By not allowing the father of 2 of your children to cuddle because your insecure. Is a major problem that needs to be addressed. Get it together or your never gonna be happy.
I have to agree with these ladies. You trust him pretty much with her life (leaving him alone with her to care for her), you have another child with him, but he canât show any affection to her? If a thought even crosses your mind that he is capable of doing harm wtf are you doing with him in the first place??
What youâre doing is overreacting. Youâre hormonal but you have to stop and think you may feel uncomfortable but he is just doing what a father does with his daughter. Heâs sounds like an amazing father who loves his children equally. If you felt this way before why agree to be engaged!! My cousin god rest his soul just passed away and he raised his step daughter and loved her and loved his grandchildren! Not once did he not love all his children equally even if they werenât blood. Give his the recognition for being a father to your daughter!! I was fighting with my boyfriend and he came over early Saturday morning about 7am. My boyfriend knocked on my sons window to let him in the house. Once I woke up my boyfriend was asleep with my son in his bed. Nothing inappropriate!! I had an ex boyfriend whose son would come crawl into sleep with us and he would crawl in on my side of the bed and he would fall asleep in my arms his mother wasnât mad she was grateful I was accepting of her son. Do think negative or you will end up a single mother!!
I mean like why is it so bad I cuddle with my step daughter. Slept in the same bed as her some nights. If you donât trust this man around your children why are you with him?
YOU need help. Seriously, has there been trauma in your life that makes you feel this way? If so, get help and talk to someone.
And your daughter is 4. A completely normal age to want constant attention and cuddles! If your daughter was 12 or so there may be a boundary issue. But not for 4 years old!