I think it’s very kind she offered, as it does seem like she perhaps wants to be closer to you and she’s excited about a grandchild. Ultimately, it is your (and your baby’s) baby shower and one you will always remember. Maybe say, “That is such a generous offer, and I am so grateful. I already have a vision in my mind of how I want it to be, so any help making that vision a reality would be wonderful!” Or, as you said, you can let her know empathically how much you appreciate it, but decorating it is something you’ve been really looking forward to and go on to say “BUT, I have been stressing about this or that…and I’d be grateful if you could help with it!”
Either way, I hope you have the shower you envisioned and dreamed of and wish you all the luck in the world! 
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Unless you are throwing our own shower (which is cringy IMO) let her.
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Let her do it… There will be way more important things that you will have to ask that EVERYONE respect your boundaries on. Pick your “battles”…
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I would let her because she’s making an effort to get closer to you and its her grandchild right?
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I would just tell her thank you for being thoughtful and that you already have a vision for how you want it to be and you would rather have the deciding factor in decorations.
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You should have nothing to do with or no say in your baby shower. In my day they were a surprise anyway!! It is a gift from your family & friends, be grateful.
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Definitely say no if it’s not something you want. Boundary’s are important especially if you guys are just getting to know each other. But I would definitely try to include her in a different part of your baby shower that you feel comfortable with.
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Sounds like she want to bond with you. Be a little open make sure your heard, I had two baby showers because both our family’s are huge. Make sure she knows the theme 
give her ideas of what you have in mind and just communicate with her on what your looking for.
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I would just tell her that you’ve already purchased decorations and she is more than welcome to help put them up?
It is definitely not rude to ask her to be in charge of something else. 
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Be appreciative that she wants to be involved, thank her and let her do it. Decorations are not as important as the relationship between you and the grandmother of your child.
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I’d let her do it but also tell her what you’re going for as far as theme and colors. Then just let her help set up and put decorations out.
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Be honest, Tell her you already have the decorations, that she is welcome to help with something else.
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Baby showers are given by loved ones and friends. You are not in charge. If you think you should give yourself a baby shower or have any say in it, your wrong.
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I am totally confused by folks today. The person giving the shower is the one to decorate. Quit being so selfish and let her do her thing. It’s dang decorations. Be thankful she wants to help and that folks will want to help provide for your baby. It’s dang decorations. Focus on the more important things.
Yes it would be rude. Also you never will be close to her if you push her away like that. Usually other people throw you a baby shower. You don’t normally throw one for yourself.
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My daughter was gonna pay someone huge money to decorate her babyshower my other daughter and I saved her on a ton of money we handled it but she chose the theme and how she wanted it we got it almost perfect she was very impressed and happy to have saved all that money with that being said I would talk to your mother in-law and let her know in a nice way that you had some ideas on the theme and how you wanted it but you would love her help in decorating and helping with the ideas you were thinking.
It sounds to me that she just wants to be part of her grandbaby’s life and yours. She wants to feel like she’s part of the family
you should let her help she’s Grandma and grandma’s love to be part of the festivities and celebration of life. Let her know what you have in mind for decorating after all she is family to🥰
Traditionally your mother in law, nor yourself, should be involved in your shower. Baby showers are hosted by non family members.
Etiquette and Traditions aside, be grateful and give her a day of pride and happiness over her soon to be grandchild.
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Very very shocked by all these people who say the OP has to do it a certain way (ie. get the shower thrown for her) because “that’s how it’s always been done”. We are in an ever changing world and with this being a day about HER baby, she should be allowed to do whatever she pleases! I definitely agree it would be a good idea to include her MIL as this would be an excellent way to get closer and MIL would only want to be helpful and strengthen their relationship. However, she is not obligated to “just let her MIL do it”. It’s not about her MIL. I’m honestly disgusted that some people are in the comments saying things such as “can’t fix stupid”. Get over yourselves. If you’re bitter because when you were having a baby you felt obligated to do it a certain way and now you’re feeling resentful that new mums are rewriting the traditions and standing up for themselves, that’s on you - not the OP.
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Why don’t you guys decorate together? That way you can see what she’s doing without seeming ungrateful or rude. I’m having my shower in a couple weeks and I’m gonna help my mom decorate just so I can give my input on what I want
This is a way to bond with your mother in law. It’s nice she wants to be in charge of something and lend a helping hand. Tell her to show you what she is thinking of doing and just communicate as best as you can what you like, hey she might surprise you and it will look stunning. Your lucky she wants to be involved and with mum in laws that want to help should be praised also…
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Hmm I would tell her what I had in mind…and see what she says or even consults with you for a few days… if she doesn’t or doesn’t take into consideration what you would like… I** would be like ohh my friends already ordered decorations or sumn like that if you want you can help them as they have it already AND put her in charge of something else like ordering food so she can still be included in the decor and in charge of something towards the baby shower.
Tell her thank you, but you have something very specific in mind but you’ll happily accept her help on something else for the shower.
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My sister in law whom I barely know wanted to throw my baby shower… I told her I had a theme and she blew me out of the water with what she came up with!! I told her which games I wanted and didn’t want. I setup guidelines and she stuck to them. Take a breath and ask for what you want and be sure to ask what are they thinking?! They may surprise you!!
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You can talk to her and show her what you want and she can help you
I did that with my son wife and work perfect
Be thankful they want to have a baby shower for you.sit back enjoy and be thankful some mothers never get baby showers let alone one for each child…have a happy baby…
Just tell her you really appreciate the offer but you have certain theme in mind and you would love her to help to decorate and maybe give her something to be in control of like baby shower games or something
Compromise, you never get everything as you desire, if you have a theme or colour preference then you can tell her. Also ask her what’s her budget and see where you can add the specialised touch you specifically want to add to the decorations. Remember she’s celebrating her grandchild as well.
Baby showers used to be a surprise and everything was planned by someone else. It was great. Just walk in, sit down and and have fun. Just let it happen. Put the grandmother’s in charge and go have lunch.
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When I had my wedding showers or baby showers it was my friends who gave me the showers. I believe that was the “proper” protocol in those days. No bride would ever give herself a shower any more than she would give herself a baby shower. If this woman’s mother-in-law wants to give her daughter-in-law a shower, let her.
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Talk to her and maybe you two can come together and do it with everyone being happy she’s going to be around it’s her grand and your boyfriend will be happy to know you guys getting along
Yes, that’s very unthoughtful. You don’t give yourself a shower and you should be appreciative of the kindness of others!
I would just say something like “thankyou for offering but I was really looking forward to organising the decorations myself. Would you like to help me with ‘xyz’ instead?”
And see how you go… if she gets upset or offended that’s on her 
you’re still asking for her help and to be involved, just on your own terms.
The best thing to do is either sit with your boyfriend and tell him how you are feeling but make sure you keep saying you don’t mind her helping you do it but you want to do it too, after all it is your baby shower! I’ve had this kinda problem before with my childrens birthday’s, their dads mum wanted to get all the decorations and i sat him down and just said i don’t want this to sound mean or harsh so sorry if it does but could you tell your mum thank you for the offer but i want to get the decorations, if i need help with anything then i’ll let her know. He said thats fine and spoke to her and she understood why i said it.
Or like people have said, talk to her and tell her you’ve got ideas of how you would like it, you never know you could actually have the same ideas x
why not ask her to make a nice sherbet-punch for the gathering. She can also make some cookies. Something that she can make so she feels helpful.
Dear nameless, Decorations are so insignificant. However if decorations are that important to you well go ahead and tell her you want to do it. Personally people who pay for the shower usually take care of that.
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Maybe it’s her way of trying to get closer to you. Just say you have ideas but you’d love her input and just let her help. Kindness comes in all ways.
Be honest and tell her you had a vision to do this for your first baby ,would she like to help you ,as you want it a particular way …
usually someone throws you a baby shower … like yeah you can plan your own cool … but i think it takes something away from it. She literally just wants to help and maybe she sees it as a way to do something special for you. It’s not like she’s trying to plan your wedding.
BUT if you’re that upset, just flat out say " I wanna plan my own baby shower." You’re an adult … communicate.
My advice is this is your child’s Grandmother I would let her decorate if you want it a particular way tell her.
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You don’t give your own shower. Let someone else do everything . Your job is to show up and be thankful.
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Just tell her …she is the grandmother to sit back and enjoy…she already has people taking care of everything !!! BUT…is the grandmother throwing the baby shower like a lot if them do these days…instead of friends…usually who ever gives the baby shower is in charge of everything and they usually get hints from the mom to be on the theme
Sorry. In my day, (haha). Most showers we’re surprises. So take what is given with a full heart. Is it really so important?
If it is;. have another shower down the line with just your friends and you choose the decos.
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I feel like omg get over it it I time deal let her do it if you are like this over her being in charge of a baby shower what do you think she going to do with baby come on let it go there many many years and birthdays you couldn’t always have control I think a baby shower you should have no say in
Be firm and set boundaries but also be kind and allow her to take part and contribute ideas. When my son got married I was completely frozen out of everything and it hurt me to the core. I was a nice person and never intrusive and still don’t understand the way I was treated. So please be kind.
Typically you wouldn’t do your own baby shower. It would be your friends and family that put the party together for you.
dont listen to these mother in laws 
tell her you appreciate the offer and shes more than welcome to assist with decorating but this is special to you as a new mom to pick them out yourself
I would tell her my friend wants to do the decorating but she is welcome to contact her for help. If you don’t have someone I would strongly suggest you find someone fast. The last thing I would want is my MIL decorating anything. Of course… she’s been dead for years and we have been married for 51 years. I kept her at arms length and out of our lives. It was always kind but I didn’t let her have control which is what she wanted.
Ask her what she had in mind…who knows it might well be very close to what you had in mind. If it’s way off then tell her your idea and that you really would prefer to go with your plan. If she’s upset …at least you’ll know why and hopefully she’ll let it go by the time the baby arrives!!
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Back in the day, in the 80’s and before, the family of the mom and dad would have a baby shower for the new parents/mother or coworkers or friends would provide a shower. Usually the mother didn’t know about it in advance and was usually “surprised” when she arrived. And very thankful for all those that attended and their gifts, well wishes and visit. Today, the expectant mothers are apparently planning or calling the shots for everything about the shower. If that’s what they want to do then I’d let them pay for everything too!
I would tell her your close friend has also said she wants to decorate and tell your friend how you want things so she can guide your mother in law on the way you’d like it. This way there is a middle man who is taking into consideration your wants!
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If possible could you maybe work with her as a team? My mom, my boyfriend’s mom and his step mom was in charge of my baby shower but they asked my opinion on the theme and if I had anything specific in mind that I wanted for decorations, cake and games.
Oh how we love to sweat the small stuff! Why can’t you both do it?? It’s really not that important in great scheme of things. Actually it’s quite petty. She’s excited about being a grandma just as you are excited about being a mum. Be thankful that your child is already loved and be happy knowing that she wants to be a part of your lives. Don’t drive a wedge between you because eventually that will come between you and your partner. This os something you can both do together or you can let it spoil your relationship
Usually you do not take care of your own shower. I’d let her do it! Plus she would be spending the money.
I was always so happy and grateful not to have to do anything at mine. I loved just showing up and being taken care of.
It’s your shower. She had her babies. I would say that you appreciate the offer but are doing it yourself BUT would love to bounce some ideas off her
Usually your family would get together and throw you a baby shower usually say who’s in charge usually the family gets together shows the appreciation of the mother to be a baby shower So therefore If you choose that person to have a baby shower That’s fine but if they’re one to do it without no problem then I say no problem in it maybe this will give you a chance to bond with your soon to be mother-in-law over this baby shower well maybe bring together he should talk 2 your husband is seen what all you need for your baby shower and let everybody know what you are needing that way no one mixes up and gets the same thing that someone else has already got
Usually you don’t throw yourself the shower. Here is what I found on etiquette guidelines — There is no end to etiquette guidelines when it comes to throwing a party and, in particular, hosting a baby shower. Close friends, cousins, aunts, sisters-in-law, and coworkers of the mother-to-be have traditionally been the appropriate parties to host a baby shower.
That said the decorating choices are the hostesses. Have a shower with your boyfriends mom and have one with your friends. You might be pleasantly surprised .
Work together on it…I have wedding and baby showers got people before including my daughters and I did all the decorating and good prep etc .maybe your mom and your boyfriend’s mom could work on it together
The baby shower may be for you , your husband and the baby but being petty and controlling about decorations is really ridiculous. Shes a happy grandma and is herself going through a very special milestone for herself and her son . This would be a great opportunity to get to know her and let her know colors you may like . You not giving her a chance to show you what she has planned . Baby showers where about celebrating the baby and enjoying the company in a very special time . Be grateful atleast she is wanting to be a part of it and be grateful you’re getting a baby shower at all .
First world problems. We need to be more mindful of our blessings in life. Be thankful this women wants to be involved and is attempting to deepen the connection with you. Is your concern what people will think after you post her “decorations” on FB?
Relax momma, sit back and let others who want to throw you a shower do it. Your only job is to show up and be showered with love.
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Tell her how u feel and ask if she wants to help but that u already have the decorations and u really wanted to do them yourself…she should understand and if she doesn’t well then o well
Why would you have no say? It sounds like she is asking, and thats the opportunity to have a say. If you really dont want her to take that task on, then tell her someone else is already doing decor, but it qould be helpful if she handled x (the cake, invitations, games, etc). Or you could show her pictures of what you were thinking, and this can be a bonding moment for you guys. 
Why is the decor such a big deal? Is she posting pictures of Alice Cooper all over the place? ( Which I wouldn’t mind!!). It’s a baby shower. Relax!!!
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Thank you for the offer but I have it covered. Nothing rude and if she gets angry it is her problem. Not yours
Just tell her you would like for her to help you but you would like to pick out the decorations and decorate.
Let her do what she would like. Big picture it’s only decorations. She cares and is offering to help.
Seriously just get over it. Be grateful. There’s worse things going on in the world than the theme of your baby shower.
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Its fun to walk in and be surprised. Be happy she cares enuf to want to do it and be part of you and your babys life. Congratulations enjoy your shower!
Give this small pleasure to her. She’s reaching out and wanting to help. It’ll go a long way in building a good relationship.
Tell her you have a vision and maybe she can help you accomplish it. I feel she’s trying to take it off your plate so you can rest. I would do the same. But I’d ask what your dream shower would be. She sounds excited. Pick your battles.
Back in the day it was called a surprise baby shower LOL mother-to-be didn’t have no idea when and where LOL things have changed so I think it would be nice for you and your mother-in-law to do it together and if not just not let her know the colors you like and say thank you
With my first baby shower I had a image and I told them what I wanted and they did as I said lol my second baby shower I did it on my own because I didn’t want someone to tell me what to do.
As when my kids are old enough to have kids, I’m going to be their and listen on whatever they want.
Because I know how it feels to have someone tell you no about something you want.
And I forgot to mention, I still put money into my first baby shower because I really didn’t have a person to throw me a shower.
Yes she just wants to help someone is hosting it .Don’t try to cause friction already .she will be your babies Grandma and will probably help you alot in the future .
Why are you planning your own baby shower, i thought someone was supposed to do that for the mom
I understand …but a baby shower is not as important as keeping Pease.
Not to be unkind but I am sure you will have another shower just the way you want.
I don’t understand why brides and moms get all bossiest…its a party you are the one they came to see
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Let her be in charge but give her an itinerary to follow! If he is your boyfriend and you are having a child together that institutes a family! Hopefully he marries you before the baby is born. 
Probably she wants to do it so you will not be burdened as you are pregnant.just let her way and make some additions of what you want.Sharing the joy…don’t hesitate.Adjustments are necessary in this life.
Let her spend the money if she wants. But give her your advice on how you feel and want her to decorate. Make it feel like it’s her project too and she will always love you for it.
Tell her thank you but you have already purchased the decorations. You would love her to help however.
It’s a baby shower…… let her help. She’s wanting to be involved.
Normally someone does a baby shower for the mom to be.
Why should the mom to be decorate? Everything has changed the last 30 years.
Young ppl be nice to your moms and mom in laws.
They will be there for you!
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Let her do as she is offering…let someone else take the pressure off you…as yrs go by you will be glad. Good luck & try to be grateful.
Say you already had bought the decorations and that you could show her your plan and that she help you put them up
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Tell her you’ve already purchased all the decorations. Maybe she could do the favors, and tell her what you want the favors to me.
She’s going to be in the babies and your life for a long time. Don’t let her walk over your wants now or you will regret it later…. But don’t walk over her wants either.
Well, you are being rude and selfish. This would be a great opportunity to get to know your baby’s grandmother.
Be more flexible. You boyfriends mom is thrilled your pregnant. Let her share in your happiness and planning. In the end it’s the loving memories that matter. Not the decorations.
Tell her she’s too late and you already have them all!! ( hurry and buy some). Tell her “Oh that’s sweet of you but my cousin Sophie ( or whoever) is already doing it!
Include her ideas, someday you may be the mother-in-law. She may just want to be of help so discuss your theme ideas with her.
Normally, another family member, friend, throw the shower for the expected mother. And, the expected mother has little to do with it. But, if you feel the need, you just need to let her know what you would like included.
Could you not say decorating is sorted but would love it if she could…give her something to do
Tell her you appreciate the offer but you already have quite a bit of stuff already but you would appreciate her help if she wants to come and help you to do things your way
Also say that your mom has offered and you’ve turned her down because you have a theme in mind
So it would be better if you all pulled together then your mom won’t be upset either
Sometimes you have to be a step in front
You could even say from the moment you found out you were pregnant you’ve been exited about this day and exactly how it would be but you don’t mind a bit of input
Try to be friends because she probably thinks she’s helping and also if your relationship works she will be in your life for a long time
In future keep one step in front and stay in control
Birthdays etc talk about them before hand
But remember her help could be really valued in the future x
You are decorating for your own shower? Normally, a shower is thrown by a friend or relative and they handle the details.
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Tell her what theme or idea you’re wanting, and let her do it. It really is small stuff…
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When decorations become more important than human beings you probably have bigger problems.
How about “Sure! Here’s what I was thinking…” and “I would love to go look at decorations with you to give some input”, instead of being uptight about it. You’re lucky she wants to be involved at all. Use this as a way to bond with her. She’s going to be in your life for a long time.
I’d be nice and tell her you really need her to help in…whatever area you can use her like if shes great with food she could plan that. If you really want to go it yourself then do it and suggest another project for her. You have to realize that takes alot of effort o your part to if you really want to do it.
People are supposed to throw the baby shower for you. Not you throw yourself
Are you throwing your own shower. I would think the person throwing it would decorate. But you should be able to have some say
